On today’s episode, we hear about: · A wife wondering how to react after finding out about her husband’s double life · A woman unsure how to help her husband set boundaries with his mom · A husband looking for new ways to talk to his wife about his gym schedule Next Steps: 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or send us a message. 📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life 📝 Anxiety Test 📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards 💭 John's Free Guided Meditation 🤘🏼 The Dr. John Delony Show Merch Connect With Our Sponsors: 🌱 Get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp. 🔴 Get 15% off with code DELONY at BON CHARGE. 🌿 Get up to 40% off with code DELONY at Cozy Earth. 🔒 Get 20% off when you join DeleteMe. 😇 Go to Hallow for a 90-day free trial. 💤 Visit Helix Sleep for special offers! 🥤 Get 20% off with code DELONY at Organifi. 💪 Get 25% off your order at Thorne. 🏋️ Go to Trainwell to get started! Listen to More From Ramsey Network: 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights 🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💡 The Rachel Cruze Show 💰 George Kamel 🪑 Front Row Seat with Ken Coleman 📈 EntreLeadership Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy https://www.ramseysolutions.com/company/policies/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Chapter 1: What did Rose discover about her husband?
We talk about relationships, your mental and emotional health, anything you got going on in your life for two plus decades. I've been sitting with hurting people when their wheels have fallen off their life. And so this shows real people going through real challenges. You want to be on the show, give me a buzz, 1-844-693-3291.
Leave a message, let us know what's going on, and we'll holler back girl at you, or go to johndeloney.com slash ask, A-S-K. All right, let's go out to Roanoke, Virginia, to the woman who shoved Jack off the door. Let's talk to Rose. Hey, Rose, what's up?
Hi, John. How are you?
I'm rocking on to the break of dawn. How are you?
Chapter 2: How should Rose approach her husband's betrayal?
I'm doing well. Awesome. I'll just get into it. So me and my husband have been married for six and a half years. We're raising four kids together. We live very traditionally. I'm a stay-at-home mom. He's a police officer.
But you got four kids in six and a half years. Did a couple of kids come in the marriage?
I had two before that, but he's been on the scene with them since they were two and four years old. Okay.
So you brought two and you all had two together? Correct. Okay. All right.
So as a police officer, he would work off duty at this nightclub. And for the past two years, he was saying he was divorced and we were just living in co-parenting. Then, like I said, six weeks ago, I found out that he has been sleeping with six confirmed women. and I just found all the details out of his double life.
They got in contact with me, and they told me that he would take them to hotels and go to their apartments and tell me he was working, and I never questioned it. And then he would come home saying, oh, the club closes at 2. He'd be home at like 4 or 6 saying, you know, I had to arrest someone or whatever.
And then he would be telling these women, you know, I love you, I want to be with you, not using a condom, so of course putting us at risk. And I just don't know how it's possible to be with someone who is supposed to be a police officer, have integrity and protect people. But, you know, preying on these young women because we're 41 years old. And I didn't know any of this was going on.
And I don't know if I should fix it. Should I not fix it? I just don't know where to go with this. I actually talked to these women directly and got lots of details that I just it was like a double life.
How did your conversation go with your husband?
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Chapter 3: What are the implications of staying in a toxic relationship?
Okay. We could keep pulling the thread on this. Somewhere along the way, you got a very strong confirming message that Rose was not to be trusted by Rose. Why don't you trust your own gut?
In which way?
You don't need... I'm super grateful for the call. But I don't... You don't need my experience or wisdom on this. You know.
What should I do? Should I believe that he's going to change? Rose, you tell me. Or should I say bye? You tell me. I don't know. I honestly don't know. You do. Is it best to stay together for the kids? Is it best to believe what he said and just live again practically and never be able to trust this person I look at as a predator now, honestly, like a predator?
You're answering your own question. So, yes, yes, I should just end it.
Okay.
You have to be a grown-up and make this call. You have to be an adult and decide, I am worth protecting myself, my integrity, my health, my kids, my soul. Yeah. And somewhere along the way, somebody told you that you didn't know the right answers to what's best for you. And if your parents told you that, I hate it for you.
Because parents should teach their kids what feelings are, how they work, how they don't tell the truth, and how to ultimately learn to trust yourself. And you didn't get that.
Well, I tried to trust him. He's a really good person until you see what they're really like. So I saw it.
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Chapter 4: How can Rose prioritize her and her children's well-being?
Yeah.
So listen, there is no easy path. That means you have to choose your heart. Doing nothing is going to be a really hard life. Being a single mom with four kids is going to be a really hard life. And the old saying goes, not by your hand, but in your lap. You didn't cause this, yet here we are. And so you have to do the next right thing for you and those kids. And I don't know what that is for you.
I know what it'd be for me, but I'm not letting you off the hook. Rose, you know. You know.
I just don't want to, like, make a kid's life, like, so, like, unpredictable.
You are responding to a bomb blast. You didn't detonate it.
Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I thought about just leaving him. I'm in therapy now. He's in therapy separately. So, yeah, my therapist says you could either, like you said, there's two choices, and that's it. You just have to pick one, and I wish it was that easy.
It is.
Yeah.
But, I mean, it's like diet and exercise. Like, how do you lose weight? Diet and exercise. Oh, thanks, genius, right?
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Chapter 5: What are the steps to rebuilding after infidelity?
Yes. And when you sit down with your therapist, I don't want you to say what's best for me because what's best for me is often couched in how things feel. I want you to ask what is going to make me well and whole so that I can show up and be the mom that And romantic partner that I can be.
Okay.
Well, I'll try that. Okay. Okay. And either choice you make, let me say this, just because it hurts, just because it's painful, just because it's scary doesn't mean it's not the right move.
Yeah, I can agree with that. It's just to uproot everything. I mean, obviously not everything we, I would get the house cause of the kids, but it's just like, I just don't want to give them like this unstable, like environment. Now we're like going back and forth and it's just like so weird. And cause he's been around my other kids since they were little. Now they're like, what's going on? So.
Listen, I don't think you've metabolized it fully. Your life as you knew it is over. It is an ash. Any step you take from this point forward is a step to rebuild something. Okay. Do you want to trust this person to rebuild your marriage together? Or do you want to rebuild your life as a single mother of four?
They all seem bad choices, but I get what you're saying.
They both are awful choices. Yeah. But you keep trying to make it go back to before this happened. And by the way, have you gone to get tested?
Oh, yes. Oh, yes.
Good.
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Chapter 6: How does one cope with the emotional aftermath of betrayal?
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Chapter 7: What advice does John Delony give for making tough decisions?
Yeah.
And I absolutely would challenge her husband. for having taken on the care. If he has a toddler at home masquerading as his wife that needs professional care and he doesn't do it, and then he asks either explicitly or implicitly for your son to manage her life, that's not right. It's unethical. At the end of the day, your husband's going to learn one way or another
that his pseudo control over everything is a vapor. It's not real.
Yeah.
And the quicker he can set it down on his own versus something happening and him having to go through this, I should have, the better off everybody's going to be. If I was him, I would start off the conversation with my dad. Dad, you've done an amazing job honoring your wife, even as it's been hard your entire life. But I'm starting my own family now. I want to honor my wife.
I want to honor my kid in the same way. And you and I both know that mom goes to like irrational or unwell extremes when she doesn't get her way. And I'm going to need your help because as for me and my house, we're going to do things differently. And that's a big boy grown up conversation.
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.
But listen, if he won't do that, if he won't have that conversation, your husband, you need to know it's not about your mom or your mother-in-law. It's about y'all two.
Yeah.
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