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Chapter 1: How should I address my husband's friendship with an alcoholic?
and he still didn't notice, hey, the dishwasher still needs to be run or unloaded or to pick stuff up off the floor or the kids need to go to the dentist or the kids need to go to the doctor.
What does he do all day? I don't know. He says he's busy. You've been with him 20 years.
What does he do? I don't know. Well, one thing he does is he kind of took on a volunteer role in our community. And so he spends a lot of time like doing that, but it's not like it's a paid position. And one time I actually got a call from my daughter's school. Hey, can you come pick your daughter up? She's ill. And he wasn't answering his phone because he was in a meeting for this.
Like, dude, it's volunteer. Leave, you know, go pick up your child. She's literally around the corner from you, from where you are.
95.
I don't believe ones where someone's beating the other person up physically. Those are over. But I do believe in people figuring it out and choosing to do something different. I do believe in that. I've been there myself. I believe in it. but it takes both people and it takes a setting down of ego that is very hard to do. So I can be wrong here, but I look at this as a matter of fidelity.
And what I mean by that is it sounds like your husband has been cheating on your household for years through inactivity, through a lack of willingness to engage through, uh, putting volunteer projects to boost his ego above caring for his family. It's an integrity issue. It's a lack of fidelity. It's cheating. It might not be with a romantic partner.
He might not be sleeping with somebody, but he is choosing other things to go in front of his household, in front of his marriage. And my only pushback on you would be, and this is, again, very un-Hollywood, very unromantic, but very just the way the world actually is, not the way La La Land told us it should be. Have you sat down and said, I need these things at the house?
I have. He really wanted me to make a list. And I was like, you don't work for me. Like, why am I making you, like, a literal, like, he wanted details and all of, you know, just a breakdown. I was like.
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Chapter 2: What are the signs of an unhealthy marriage dynamic?
I'm gonna start clearing away the stuff that takes away from that. And maybe you end up in a PhD program. Maybe you end up as a teacher. Who knows? Or neither. Not really a right path here, but just a path that gets you wherever you want to go. We'll be right back. All right, so I've done some soul searching recently, and I've come to the realization that I actually love the internet.
Just kidding. It's the worst. I mean, it is amazing, but it's also the worst. And it doesn't matter if I don't like it because everything in my life and your life takes place on the internet. Our work, our personal messages, our communications, we buy most of our things on the internet now. It's where we live.
And because so much of our lives take place on the internet now, it's become normal to just give away our email addresses to random companies who then turn around and sell them to other companies. It's become normal to create all sorts of different accounts for banking and shopping and social media. It's become normal to even order our food and schedule our garbage pickup with our phones.
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All right. This is from Haley. She says, am I the problem for being upset that my family chose a vacation over my college graduation? I'm currently a senior in college pursuing a bachelor's of science degree in public health. I'm a first-generation college student and have paid my own way through all four years of schooling, so this day is extremely important to me.
When I informed my family of my commencement day in the spring, my mom told me that they'd be on a cruise that week with no thought to try and find a different date. The ceremony is five months away with plenty of time to find alternate dates. Am I the bad guy for thinking they should reschedule their vacation even if they lose money?
Dude, screw them. Dude. You're a first-gen student that scratched and clawed and fought your way. I used to go backstage from graduation. I used to read the names of graduation. I used to go backstage and weep, especially for those first-gen students. Because it was like... I mean, they took a machete and went out into the jungle to carve a new path for them and their family.
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Chapter 4: What impact does alcoholism have on family dynamics?
And right now, behavior is a language. He's choosing other things. In front of you. And also, it sounds like he has learned over time, there's not really anything he can do that he can win. Have you ever sat down and said, hey, you got to get a job?
Yeah, that was a conversation we had probably like 11, 12 years ago.
Why didn't you get a job?
So he decided he really... He went and talked to people. He's a big crowdsourcer. Went and talked to all these people, called into all these other friends. Oh, I need to do this testing for certification. And he couldn't pass the testing. And then it just kind of like fell away. He hooked up with an old high school friend about a year or so ago. And the guy's like, oh, well, we can get you...
you know, you should come talk to my boss. And he went in and they're like, well, you're really, you know, kind of past an entry-level position, but don't really hold the, you know, hold a certification for this other thing. So, and, you know, his whole thing is, oh, well, like all of my friends who have all these great jobs, they're not anything special. I'm special.
I have, you know, this many degrees. And all they did was be born to a family that gave them stuff. gave him a company. I'm just like, so he's delusional.
He needs to go to Walmart. Like he needs to go to Walmart or Costco and throw boxes. He's been out of the workforce for 20 years, two decades.
Well, he's probably been out longer than that because when I married him, he was actually living with his parents. And I didn't realize that that meant that he wasn't actually earning enough to be on his own.
Dude, he won the lottery with you. You were a scratch off for him. He got to avoid all of reality. Here's the thing. I think the... You have to be at an or what? Because I don't know that he can sell. I don't know there's a thing he could do right now to salvage it. He's going to have to become a different person.
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