On today’s episode, we hear about: · A man seeking advice on how to regain his ex-fiancée’s trust · A woman trying to convince her partner they need a marriage license · A wife struggling to save her marriage after retirement 📱 Early access: Watch episodes of The Dr. John Delony Show one week early—download the free Ramsey Network app today! Next Steps: 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or send us a message. 📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life 📝 Anxiety Test 📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards 💭 John's Free Guided Meditation 🤘🏼 The Dr. John Delony Show Merch Connect With Our Sponsors: 🌱 Get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp. 🔴 Get 15% off with code DELONY at BON CHARGE. 🌿 Get up to 40% off with code DELONY at Cozy Earth. 🔒 Get 20% off when you join DeleteMe. 😇 Go to Hallow for a 90-day free trial. 💤 Visit Helix Sleep for special offers! 🥤 Get 20% off with code DELONY at Organifi. 💪 Get 25% off your order at Thorne. 🏋️ Go to Trainwell to get started! Listen to More From Ramsey Network: 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights 🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💡 The Rachel Cruze Show 💰 George Kamel 💼 The Ken Coleman Show 📈 EntreLeadership Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy https://www.ramseysolutions.com/company/policies/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Chapter 1: How can I regain my ex-fiancée's trust?
Maybe the world has dropped a few cinder blocks in their backpack. Or maybe they've blown their lives up. Or maybe they're standing on the edge of a challenging decision. They don't know which way to go. Or their kids are struggling. Whatever you got going on in your life, this show is real people going through real challenges. And I'd love to have you on.
If you want to be on the show, give me a buzz at 1-844-693-3291. or go to johndeloney.com slash ask, A-S-K. And you're going to fill out the form, and it will shoot it over to Kelly and to Taylor, and they'll give you a buzz, man, see if we can have you on the show. Let's go out to Atlanta, Georgia, and talk to Emmanuel. What's up, Emmanuel? How we doing, man?
I've had better days. How you doing?
I'm doing all right, brother. What's up, man?
Well, I'm calling in because like I have listened to your show, like I guess everybody kind of opens with, but I listen to your show and I thought, man, if there's any chance I could hear a grain of truth or a little bit of a word that could help me and my significant other, then it's worth a shot.
So my question ultimately, and I hope I don't babble too much, is I'm trying to earn the trust that I had destroyed and lost. from my fiance and her family. And then that's ultimately what I'm trying to get at. What happened? Well, I'd say take a seat. So take a breath here.
You're good, man. You're good. We're in no rush. So do this, do this. We're going to, let's go in reverse order. Yep. Tell me what happened or I'll be more direct. Tell me what you did and then let's work back to how we got there. Not the other way around. Okay. Okay. Okay.
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Chapter 2: What should I do after lying to my partner?
Uh, so I, I made two significant lies. Um, the first was lying about my job. Um, I got fired and for five months after being fired, um, I lied to your, her family, my family, my friends, um, pretty much everyone around me, um, never, uh, confessing that I got fired. So, um, I both lied by omission and commission. Um, why'd you get fired? Why'd you get fired? Yeah.
So I can give you, I guess a little background here. Um, I worked as a straight to conditioning coach for a pro team here. Um, and I was, I was doing that since, uh, last year. Um, from that point I got a promotion. There was a lot of changes going on with the, uh, Coaching staff, and let me frame this a little bit better. So she and I have been in a relationship for 15 months.
Chapter 3: What advice does John have for rebuilding after betrayal?
Hold on, hold on, hold on. Oh, I'm sorry. Hold on. Why'd you get fired? Yeah, I got fired for violating a code of conduct and a lack of performance. They cited two... uh, situations. One in which I was a no show, uh, no, no call, no show, uh, last year. And I got fined 10, 10 grand for that. Uh, the next was, uh, missing a meeting.
Now I, I, I don't believe that that's the only reason, um, the coaches around me didn't believe that that was the only reason. And it kind of feeds into, uh, My thought process at the time, but that's what was cited on my termination document. I do believe that... I mean, not that I believe, I was told it came from the top.
And I think that it has a little bit more to do with... I can dive into my past, but I think it has more to do with the owner knowing a person that I was... I guess another career field didn't like me too much. And so it's a whole other story, but that's my, that's my opinion. But, um, on, on paper, that's why I was fired.
Okay. So there's like, here's what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to build towards, um, cause you're, you're a ball of energy, right?
Yeah. The ball of nerves because I'm never open and this vulnerable, I mean, to say the least.
Sure, yeah. But I mean, inside that energy is a whole bunch of swirling stories. And so, yeah, it's important. What I'm trying to get at is how much ownership are you taking? How much is everything somebody else's fault? How much is it like just kind of was what it was? How much is it? You see what I'm saying? So that's what I'm getting at. Okay, so you got fired and you didn't tell anybody.
Yeah. I mean, getting fired, the reason I was cited for getting fired is it's all on me at the end of the day. I mean, there's no excuse by that.
Yeah, I got that. But I mean, sometimes we get fired and you're a strength and conditioning coach. You made it to the big leagues, right? And... Then you get fired. If that's been something you've been working for forever and maybe you went on a flex tour or everybody's excited for you, everybody was telling their friends that they know a guy who works for so-and-so, like that's awesome.
And then all of a sudden you feel like you let everybody down. That's one thing. The other thing is when I got fired for cause, I did something in violation. I blew a big shot. And it's kind of a pattern that I've had my whole life. And everyone's going to go, yep. And so I didn't tell him because of that.
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Chapter 4: How can I navigate disagreements about marriage licenses?
Who have you hurt and failed?
You've got this girlfriend of a year. Okay. How old are you, man? I'm 35. Okay. So you got this girlfriend of a year. And I don't want to minimize it. But you've got a girlfriend of a year. And you're right, you blew it. You lied to her about a big thing, but then almost worse, you lied to her about a little thing. And I get her stepping back and being like, oh, that's who this dude is.
Not he got fired from a big opportunity and it was a huge thing and he was ashamed and I'll walk with him through that. I get that. Then it was something little and dumb. Like, it was so clearly, I can just make one phone call and find out. Yeah. And he rode that to the bottom of the ocean. Like, oh, that's just who this dude is. So I get that. But who have you failed and let down for so long?
That, because here's the thing, when you lie like that, there's this belief that everyone around me is stupider than me. I can get away with this. I know more than. And that comes from somewhere. Give me another example of someone you let down and failed.
Uh, back when I was, um, serving in the military, um, I was, I was honorably discharged and I felt like I filled, I mean, everybody.
Why are you discharged?
So, uh, I was part of a, a undercover operation for a group called OSI. And I worked with them for two years and we were able to get a lot of conviction for sexual assault. And, um, There was a lot of and I know there's going to be a common denominator here, but essentially I was discharged for breaking the rules as far as going over the fence or getting demerit.
So this was at the Air Force Academy and it was national news at one point. And so it took me. years to get investigations done to actually bring out the truth. And the truth was, I was telling the truth the entire time I was telling the truth. But as a result of all the drama, close friends of mine, for example, we didn't wanna be seen in public cuz I was the guy that was kinda marred.
And if you were still active duty, you kinda wanna keep a bit of a distance. It was a shock to my family and even myself because I didn't necessarily see it coming. And it took so long to try to prove my name again that from the time of being discharged to the time of being able to say, hey, look, I was telling the truth. We're talking five or six years ago.
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Chapter 5: What are the signs of an unhealthy relationship?
And yeah. And then, so, you know, all my, all my buddies and, and,
friends and you know friends from high school and friends i mean you name it everyone doesn't know who eric is at that time because there's just so much trauma and and you know one side of the house is saying one thing and i'm over here saying another and you know it takes years until the documentation come up to prove who is right but in the meantime you know everyone just kind of distanced themselves so did you get reinstated why did your discharge what was your discharge upheld
Right. So I never did get reinstated. It's actually ironic because to this day, I'm still trying to completely clear my name despite being honorably discharged. I have a rating that is similar to those who are convicted of sexual assault.
So it's basically a double slap in the face where I have an honorable discharge, but if I tried to go into any other service in any other capacity, I can't because of what is written on that documentation. So it literally takes... uh, either the chief of staff, chief of staff, um, um, the president or your secretary of the air force to actually reverse it.
And, um, it's been, I would say a decade long fight, um, to even get to that point. And, uh, yeah, so it's, it's, I was supposed to be a pilot originally. I was supposed to be flying. And I, to this day, if there's ever an avenue to try to be heard, I still think about that and clear my name.
Sure. So it seems, and you and I could probably go back even further, there's a pattern of clouds and shadows following you.
Is that fair? It's super fair. I was, I mean, I know, I was honest and told the truth. I was even polygraphed, and it was something that I was telling the truth back then, and I lost my career. And we helped a lot of good people. We had three convictions of sexual assault. We helped over 51 different victims. And it was a lot of good. But I lost everything. I lost my name. I lost my career.
And when this happened, I freaked out. She was the next best thing to me. And I didn't want to go back to that place again. And so... I was ashamed. I was completely ashamed. And there were other factors too. And I would say just a lot of lies that were floating in my head. I also didn't... She has a story. She has a past. And she's grown from it.
And I didn't want to look or resemble anything close to that past. I wanted to be a future of stability where I could... She feels safe and she feels supported. And I became the very thing that I hated. And I... And that's what I want to double click on. Because I became a liar. I became a manipulator. I became a liar. I became a man of fear. I became a coward.
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Chapter 6: How do I know if my partner is emotionally mature?
there is a shadow part of you and you're real smart and you're real fast on your feet and you can talk your way and talk your way and you'll play the long game and you'll ride a story to the bottom of the pacific ocean until either people give up or they just cross their eyes or they go whatever it's fine or somebody's not able to prove something it's either that or Or you just got knocked out.
Go to Walgreens today and get a 79 cent pack of note cards. And write out your schedule for today. And do that. Wake up tomorrow morning and write out your schedule for that day and do that.
Write one act of service, whether that's writing a note to somebody, whether that's calling your mom, whether that's finding a friend and buying them a coffee, whether that is paying for somebody's food in a drive-thru. Your eyes are so firmly planted in your belly button that you just stay in a loop. You're just in a spiral and you got to do things to get your eyes up. So let's start there.
Chapter 7: What steps should I take for my well-being after a breakup?
Tell them the truth to ourself. I want you to take a pause on this, trying to get this relationship back. It may be long gone, brother. Maybe not, but probably. It can't be a reason for getting up every day, trying to prove yourself. And there's going to be a part of this healing that is you getting with other men and telling the truth. Here's what happened to me when I was a little kid.
Here is what I wanted to do today. Here's the lies that I told. Here's the ways I got screwed by the military, but here's the way also I kind of fudged things too. Get the truth out of your body and into the world and exhale. Let people fully see you. And what you're going to find is most people most of the time are like, man, yeah, me too. And there's such freedom in that.
You can't even imagine what it's like to sleep without any secrets. But all that starts with you trusting yourself to do the next right thing. Hang on the line, man. I'm going to send you a copy of Building a Non-Anxious Life. That'll be my gift to you, man. I want you to follow it to the letter. Follow the path to the letter. I'll go get you some note cards and start there.
Thanks for the call, man. We'll be right back. Good folks, the modern world exposes us to things that our bodies had no idea even existed up until just a few decades ago. And I don't mean endless streams of cat videos or AI influencers. I'm talking about screens in our homes and offices, fluorescent lights, EMFs. These things can affect our mood, our sleep, our anxiety, and more.
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Chapter 8: How do I deal with gaslighting in a relationship?
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All right, let's go to Dallas, Texas and talk to Linda. Hey, Linda, what's up?
How are you?
I'm doing great. How about yourself?
Good. I guess I'll just go ahead and jump straight to it. I have a... like I guess like a disagreement with my partner. And so I was, um, my question is how do you handle a disagreement obtaining a marriage license? Um, uh, he doesn't tell you until after you've had a ceremony.
That's a great question.
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