Emmanuel
Appearances
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Get My Ex-Fiancée Back After I Lied?
So my question ultimately, and I hope I don't babble too much, is I'm trying to earn the trust that I had destroyed and lost. from my fiance and her family. And then that's ultimately what I'm trying to get at. What happened? Well, I'd say take a seat. So take a breath here.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Get My Ex-Fiancée Back After I Lied?
Uh, so I, I made two significant lies. Um, the first was lying about my job. Um, I got fired and for five months after being fired, um, I lied to your, her family, my family, my friends, um, pretty much everyone around me, um, never, uh, confessing that I got fired. So, um, I both lied by omission and commission. Um, why'd you get fired? Why'd you get fired? Yeah.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Get My Ex-Fiancée Back After I Lied?
So I can give you, I guess a little background here. Um, I worked as a straight to conditioning coach for a pro team here. Um, and I was, I was doing that since, uh, last year. Um, from that point I got a promotion. There was a lot of changes going on with the, uh, Coaching staff, and let me frame this a little bit better. So she and I have been in a relationship for 15 months.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Get My Ex-Fiancée Back After I Lied?
Hold on, hold on, hold on. Oh, I'm sorry. Hold on. Why'd you get fired? Yeah, I got fired for violating a code of conduct and a lack of performance. They cited two... uh, situations. One in which I was a no show, uh, no, no call, no show, uh, last year. And I got fined 10, 10 grand for that. Uh, the next was, uh, missing a meeting.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Get My Ex-Fiancée Back After I Lied?
Now I, I, I don't believe that that's the only reason, um, the coaches around me didn't believe that that was the only reason. And it kind of feeds into, uh, My thought process at the time, but that's what was cited on my termination document. I do believe that... I mean, not that I believe, I was told it came from the top.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Get My Ex-Fiancée Back After I Lied?
And I think that it has a little bit more to do with... I can dive into my past, but I think it has more to do with the owner knowing a person that I was... I guess another career field didn't like me too much. And so it's a whole other story, but that's my, that's my opinion. But, um, on, on paper, that's why I was fired.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Get My Ex-Fiancée Back After I Lied?
Yeah. The ball of nerves because I'm never open and this vulnerable, I mean, to say the least.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Get My Ex-Fiancée Back After I Lied?
Yeah. I mean, getting fired, the reason I was cited for getting fired is it's all on me at the end of the day. I mean, there's no excuse by that.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Get My Ex-Fiancée Back After I Lied?
The other big lie was... So after apologizing... And confessing to everything and giving as much documentation, being as transparent as I possibly can. She was extremely grateful. And so then I lied a few weeks after that. She had asked me, I said I was going to send her family some apology letters. And she had asked me if I had sent those letters to her family.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Get My Ex-Fiancée Back After I Lied?
And I just freaked out and I said I did when I didn't. And then what happened? nothing happened. Um, so after the, after the first lie, she was so gracious and, um, understanding and trying to work and, and, and giving at least a door of communication. After that second lie, um, nothing happened. Um, all that, all that occurred was, uh,
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Get My Ex-Fiancée Back After I Lied?
no communication until finally, uh, here recently, um, she, she essentially said, I'm, I'm cutting all ties and, um, uh, I cannot be around someone who's the antithesis of me. Um, and, and essentially said, and I worship the father of lies and, uh, it, um,
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Get My Ex-Fiancée Back After I Lied?
I'm trying to earn the trust that I had destroyed and lost. I got fired and for five months after being fired, I lied.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Get My Ex-Fiancée Back After I Lied?
So, because I end up I end up hurting people. I end up failing people. And then I get caught in this spiral of, I'm going to say it's pride and selfishness because then I think that I start going to more of like an ego side.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Get My Ex-Fiancée Back After I Lied?
Who have you hurt and failed?
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Get My Ex-Fiancée Back After I Lied?
Uh, back when I was, um, serving in the military, um, I was, I was honorably discharged and I felt like I filled, I mean, everybody.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Get My Ex-Fiancée Back After I Lied?
So, uh, I was part of a, a undercover operation for a group called OSI. And I worked with them for two years and we were able to get a lot of conviction for sexual assault. And, um, There was a lot of and I know there's going to be a common denominator here, but essentially I was discharged for breaking the rules as far as going over the fence or getting demerit.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Get My Ex-Fiancée Back After I Lied?
So this was at the Air Force Academy and it was national news at one point. And so it took me. years to get investigations done to actually bring out the truth. And the truth was, I was telling the truth the entire time I was telling the truth. But as a result of all the drama, close friends of mine, for example, we didn't wanna be seen in public cuz I was the guy that was kinda marred.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Get My Ex-Fiancée Back After I Lied?
And if you were still active duty, you kinda wanna keep a bit of a distance. It was a shock to my family and even myself because I didn't necessarily see it coming. And it took so long to try to prove my name again that from the time of being discharged to the time of being able to say, hey, look, I was telling the truth. We're talking five or six years ago.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Get My Ex-Fiancée Back After I Lied?
And by then, a lot of people distanced themselves from me. So, hold on.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Get My Ex-Fiancée Back After I Lied?
And yeah. And then, so, you know, all my, all my buddies and, and,
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Get My Ex-Fiancée Back After I Lied?
friends and you know friends from high school and friends i mean you name it everyone doesn't know who eric is at that time because there's just so much trauma and and you know one side of the house is saying one thing and i'm over here saying another and you know it takes years until the documentation come up to prove who is right but in the meantime you know everyone just kind of distanced themselves so did you get reinstated why did your discharge what was your discharge upheld
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Get My Ex-Fiancée Back After I Lied?
Right. So I never did get reinstated. It's actually ironic because to this day, I'm still trying to completely clear my name despite being honorably discharged. I have a rating that is similar to those who are convicted of sexual assault.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Get My Ex-Fiancée Back After I Lied?
So it's basically a double slap in the face where I have an honorable discharge, but if I tried to go into any other service in any other capacity, I can't because of what is written on that documentation. So it literally takes... uh, either the chief of staff, chief of staff, um, um, the president or your secretary of the air force to actually reverse it.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Get My Ex-Fiancée Back After I Lied?
I've had better days. How you doing?
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Get My Ex-Fiancée Back After I Lied?
And, um, it's been, I would say a decade long fight, um, to even get to that point. And, uh, yeah, so it's, it's, I was supposed to be a pilot originally. I was supposed to be flying. And I, to this day, if there's ever an avenue to try to be heard, I still think about that and clear my name.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Get My Ex-Fiancée Back After I Lied?
Is that fair? It's super fair. I was, I mean, I know, I was honest and told the truth. I was even polygraphed, and it was something that I was telling the truth back then, and I lost my career. And we helped a lot of good people. We had three convictions of sexual assault. We helped over 51 different victims. And it was a lot of good. But I lost everything. I lost my name. I lost my career.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Get My Ex-Fiancée Back After I Lied?
Well, I'm calling in because like I have listened to your show, like I guess everybody kind of opens with, but I listen to your show and I thought, man, if there's any chance I could hear a grain of truth or a little bit of a word that could help me and my significant other, then it's worth a shot.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Get My Ex-Fiancée Back After I Lied?
And when this happened, I freaked out. She was the next best thing to me. And I didn't want to go back to that place again. And so... I was ashamed. I was completely ashamed. And there were other factors too. And I would say just a lot of lies that were floating in my head. I also didn't... She has a story. She has a past. And she's grown from it.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Get My Ex-Fiancée Back After I Lied?
And I didn't want to look or resemble anything close to that past. I wanted to be a future of stability where I could... She feels safe and she feels supported. And I became the very thing that I hated. And I... And that's what I want to double click on. Because I became a liar. I became a manipulator. I became a liar. I became a man of fear. I became a coward.
The Ramsey Show
Broke Is Normal—Do You Really Want to Be Like Everyone Else?
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas. So the numbers, just to get through it quickly or efficiently, the numbers are $94,000 in debt, $56,000 from a car. The car max value would be $40,000 to $43,000, and I'm paying $1,200 per month for that.
The Ramsey Show
Broke Is Normal—Do You Really Want to Be Like Everyone Else?
Yeah. So, yeah. Right. Exactly. Exactly. So my story is kind of like a five year timeline straight out of college. I moved to California so I can continue my college relationship after working at home. The job I had was like miserable. And there just wasn't any growth in it. So I decided to just take the jump. I followed love and things were working out.
The Ramsey Show
Broke Is Normal—Do You Really Want to Be Like Everyone Else?
I ended up becoming a mortgage loan officer. And so I made great money at a young age, making like over 10K a month. But, you know, that didn't last for a long time. The industry died because the rates crashed. After that, I got into recruiting. Same thing. I made amazing money. I was making $50 an hour, and I was sugar daddy. Everything was fine.
The Ramsey Show
Broke Is Normal—Do You Really Want to Be Like Everyone Else?
the economy, you know, it crashed at mass layoffs again. And so now, you know, now I'm pretty much just, I've been doing everything. It's not a work ethic problem. It's a, things just haven't really been swinging my way, but I've still been working and it's just kind of like a paycheck to paycheck situation.
The Ramsey Show
Broke Is Normal—Do You Really Want to Be Like Everyone Else?
So that is a result of me having to deal with family dynamics and family issues. So through all of that... Wait a minute.
The Ramsey Show
Broke Is Normal—Do You Really Want to Be Like Everyone Else?
Right, exactly. So if I could explain, I'm dealing with like a super difficult mother-in-law. Are you married? Are you married? No, we're engaged.
The Ramsey Show
Broke Is Normal—Do You Really Want to Be Like Everyone Else?
no no that was as a result of that was just like i so i keep having to put my foot down with the mother-in-law because things just it's kind of the situation like she does like things that are just like not acceptable i'm so sorry what the crap does this have to do with you owning a car what's the what's the car i'm calling for like clarity so i know but what does a mother-in-law have to do with you buying a car i don't understand
The Ramsey Show
Broke Is Normal—Do You Really Want to Be Like Everyone Else?
It was a crazy. So all of this is happening while I while I while we are two under two. I have a daughter that's two years old and my son is two months. OK, so I got laid off. You got laid off.
The Ramsey Show
Broke Is Normal—Do You Really Want to Be Like Everyone Else?
Or your fiance? I got the car because I told her I don't ever want to have to like. rely on my mother-in-law because I've been living with them because my family lives in Maryland.
This American Life
857: Museum of Now
Yeah, it was like huge, right by the White House. And what I was watching that day as I was there was the city just completely getting rid of it because of pressure they'd been under from the Trump administration. I thought that when I got there, that there would be crowds or protests, but it was pretty empty.
This American Life
857: Museum of Now
Like most of the people that I saw just sort of walked past and kept it pushing, ignored what was going on. But then I saw this one black woman sort of stop and, like, wave over to, like, one of the lone black guys working on a construction crew. Just, like, you know, pointing at the ground.
This American Life
857: Museum of Now
The piece she had was so big. She had to hold it with two hands. It was a piece of the letter T in the word matters. And the woman holding it, JC, she's a politico, lives in DC. She told me she was sitting at a cafe nearby when she saw someone else who had a piece and was like, oh, I want one of those. You just walked right up. You were just like, oh, can I?
This American Life
857: Museum of Now
Oh, do you have kids right now? Oh, okay, you're talking about future kids.
This American Life
857: Museum of Now
So I started seeing other people who were doing this too, right? Just like grabbing these pieces of the mural for future generations that did or didn't exist. There were these two women who were in town for work.
This American Life
857: Museum of Now
One of them was scared that they were actually going to miss their flight because her friend was waiting so long for the construction workers to break off just the right piece of the mural, like as a souvenir. What time is your flight?
This American Life
857: Museum of Now
So I actually lived in D.C. when they first painted this street. And I got to say, at the time when I first saw it, I totally understood how meaningful it was to some folks. But personally... Honestly, I just kind of rolled my eyes and laughed about it with the other black people that I knew. It just felt kind of performative.
This American Life
857: Museum of Now
Just like one of the same with a lot of the stuff that was happening back then, right? Like Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer and co. kneeling in Kent Day Cloth in the Capitol. All those black squares people were posting. But now that I was actually here, seeing them tear this message out of the ground, It just, I don't know, I was just like, oh, right.
This American Life
857: Museum of Now
It maybe didn't matter that much when it was first put in. But, like, it definitely mattered now that it was being taken out. Yeah. Across the street, I saw this older white guy who worked in urban design. He was so excited to have a piece of the thing.
This American Life
857: Museum of Now
So you're getting a piece of it kind of as a memento of a thing that you didn't like?
This American Life
857: Museum of Now
Okay, so talking to this guy, it hit me. He's here to mark the end of something, which I realised, oh, we all were, right? Like, I think it was clear to absolutely everybody there on that street that one era has ended and, like, we're in some very new moment right now. And lots of us were just trying to puzzle that out in real time, like, what this means.
This American Life
857: Museum of Now
Like, there were these two women that I met, Soraya and Yasmeen. Soraya was on the fence about taking a piece at all. She was just sort of like... Why would I want a piece of something that never felt real?
This American Life
857: Museum of Now
There is this thing, sorry, sorry, sorry. There is this thing I've been thinking about, though, which is like, is this more honest, actually, that they actually are ripping this up?
This American Life
857: Museum of Now
So as I was leaving the street that day... I just felt like, oh, right, the America that I know, like the one I grew up in, it leaves for sign up, right? Like it says it believes in all of this stuff, you know, that all of us are equal, that, you know, we all want to live in racial harmony, whatever. And then it just kind of does what it wants.
This American Life
857: Museum of Now
But like what I saw, like the government going to these great lengths to tear up this street and to get every shred of the letters out, like not even bothering to pay lip service anymore. I was like, that feels like a real shift. So, yeah, that's how I ended up with this piece of concrete, which I guess is just going to live in my house forever.
This American Life
857: Museum of Now
It's like you have a piece of the Berlin Wall or something. You know what? It does feel like that. Like, it feels like this thing that I want to show everybody in my life. It's like it's a part of my own personal museum.
This American Life
857: Museum of Now
Hey, Ira. Hey there. So I have come into the studio today with this, actually. Let me just get it out of this bag really quickly. Hang on here.
This American Life
857: Museum of Now
So there's a story behind this, which is a couple weeks ago, I went to this one street in Washington, D.C.,
This American Life
857: Museum of Now
And on that street, there were like, I don't know, maybe a dozen construction workers who were using like all of this heavy machinery to like rip out the words Black Lives Matter, which had been painted on that street as part of like this big mural they'd done in 2020, you know, like right after the murder of George Floyd.
This American Life
823: The Question Trap
Ironically enough, my current boyfriend had no idea who Beyoncé was, who's the only person who had that response.
This American Life
823: The Question Trap
That he just needed like some education. He's older and he's not from this country and like doesn't listen to music really. And like by the second date, he had read the entire Wikipedia page for me and he knew Beyoncé's birthday and that she was married to Jay-Z and he knew about the elevator fight. So he listened to your opinion. Yeah, it ended up being a green flag.
This American Life
823: The Question Trap
Now I talk to him about Beyonce all the time, and I don't necessarily think he's like, he's not going out to like Beyonce concerts or anything, but he understands how important she is and how important she is to me and lets me rant about her. So that's all you ever really want, right?
This American Life
823: The Question Trap
What do you think of Beyoncé? It was a question that I found myself trying to ask basically a lot on first dates because it told me a lot about them. It's a question that tells you, one, in some ways how they feel about a powerful Black woman. It's a question that tells you how they think about about Black women in general kind of a little bit to me.
This American Life
823: The Question Trap
And that if you feel the need to put her down or say something negative about her, it's like a real turnoff. It's like a red flag, basically.
This American Life
823: The Question Trap
First date, bar date, pretty standard. Beyoncé actually came on in the bar in the background. I was like, oh, what do you think about Beyoncé? And he was like, I don't understand what the big deal is about her. Like, women act like they're in a cult or something. And it's like, they seem like crazy. I was like, oh, well, I really like her. And like, I don't really think I'm in a cult.
This American Life
823: The Question Trap
No, he did not. Didn't care to. And maybe didn't care to hear me talk in general is what it seemed like.
This American Life
855: That’s a Weird Thing to Lie About
I wanted an actual answer about whether it was how you felt or what you wanted to do or where we should put the thing or should we whatever, you know, something kind of day to day. And the accumulation of getting not real answers that I then had to parse and say, But just what do you, I just need you to tell me straight so we can move on from this.
This American Life
855: That’s a Weird Thing to Lie About
I think that was the thing that took me to wanting you to stop.
This American Life
855: That’s a Weird Thing to Lie About
It's just confusing. And this was, you know, when we first started dating or maybe even before. And I was looking for something in your kitchen. You had maybe like two forks and two spoons. And I was probably looking for one of these forks or something. And I opened a drawer, like a logical place to have silverware. And instead found either boxers or DVDs, like boxes. Seinfeld box set.
This American Life
855: That’s a Weird Thing to Lie About
And it was funny, but it was also maddening.
This American Life
855: That’s a Weird Thing to Lie About
Just recently, like a day ago, what did you say? You looked at his foot and you were like, you're like, where did you get all these toes? Why do you have 10 toes? Most people only have six. And now he's four and like wise to you. And he was like, what? What? You're joking.