The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Most Played Moment: How To ALWAYS Have Great Sex: The Orgasm Queen, Susan Bratton
Fri, 14 Mar 2025
"Orgasm Queen" Susan Bratton reveals the key to better intimacy: start small, build connection, and bring back the fun. From sexy bucket lists to no-pressure cuddles, her advice will help you reignite desire and deepen your bond. Listen to the full episode here - Spotify - https://g2ul0.app.link/0QJE6LDXHRb Apple - https://g2ul0.app.link/aXHeFbyXHRb Watch the Episodes On YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/c/%20TheDiaryOfACEO/videos Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Chapter 1: What is the first step to better intimacy?
What is step one?
Yeah, step one is often just holding each other. One of the techniques there, I have these two techniques that come from one of my books. One of my most popular books is a book called Sexual Soulmates. because sexual soulmates are not out there waiting for you. You co-create your connection with your partner.
And even if you've lost that connection, you can have many renaissance in your relationship throughout the years. You can come back together and it can be better than ever again. And there are two techniques out of that book that I think are kind of like a foundation. One of them is called the sexual soulmate pact.
And that pact is an agreement between partners where I can say anything I want to you and you're going to be happy I told you. And you're not going to take it as criticism or you did anything wrong. You're going to be hungry for me to tell you what I have an appetite for, what I want, how I'm feeling. Am I a kitty cat? Do you need to hold me in your arms? Do you need to pet me?
Do you need to let me release and calm down and get some things off my chest? Do you just need to provide that holding? Or am I a lioness? Do I want you to ravish me? Do I want to be pounced on? Do I want you to carry me to the bedroom and throw me down on the bed and rip my clothes off and tell me how gorgeous I am and eat me up? We want those things in that range all the time.
But what couples forget is to start with holding and being held. Because when we do that, we generate oxytocin. And the oxytocin is kind of like the antidote To all the cortisol we're pumping out constantly with the kids and the school and the stress and the job and the politics and the, you know, all this crazy stuff. We need to be held and to hold.
So step one then is have the conversation. And step two is to just hold, essentially, hold each other.
You don't even need to have a conversation. You can just go crawl into your partner's arms and say... And this is something that I love to teach men. I love to teach men how to run a woman a menu of small offers. So the problem is that they're both feeling... Eliza and her husband are likely both. They're dissatisfied. They feel disconnected.
They're not speaking about it.
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Chapter 2: How can couples reconnect if they've lost their connection?
Yeah.
And really what broke it was the two things you said. The first thing was you've got to talk about it. And the second thing was removing the pressure. Right. And the blame. Yeah. And the judgment. Yeah.
And if you can get there, and I think much of the reason why people don't want to talk about it sometimes is because they might have a little bit of a risk that if they're honest about how they're feeling, then the other person might leave, or they might be mad, or they might not hang around long enough for you to fix it together. And also, you don't know how to fix it.
So it's difficult sometimes in life to say, I've got a problem, but I have no idea what the solution is. You know?
Yeah. This is one of the reasons that I like erotic playdates so much.
What's that?
Erotic playdates are so... All right, I've written hundreds of sex techniques. I've written dozens of communication skills. And what people really want, they don't necessarily just want a technique or a skill. They just want to have fun. They want erotic adventure. I just want to have fun having sex with you. I don't want it to be like, I'm going to be finding your, you know, G-spot or whatever.
Like, that's fun. That's fun. That could be one of the things you want to do. That could be one of your erotic play dates. It's like, let's find our G-spot. Let's try this sex toy. Let's do a lingerie photo shoot. Let's have sex on the dining room table when the kids are away. Let's do whatever. When you start to think about your sexuality not as, oh, we have to grab a boob and stick it in.
We have to have intercourse. And when you move away from that and you take the pressure off, you have a lot more intercourse than Because you start having fun. You start trying things. And when you try things, you have new relationship energy. Sex is an equation. It is two things. Good sex is, half of it is safety and security. I trust this person. They're not going to give me STIs.
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Chapter 3: What is the Sexual Soulmate Pact?
My B's are, I mean, I'd find your P spot with you and I'm happy to do it, but it wouldn't be like on my A list. And you're a prostate. You're a P spot.
Is that your bum?
Yeah, up your bum.
Okay.
And C's are, it's not for me right now. Never say never, because as you mature, if you think about your sexual development like your personal development, it's just one more thing you're learning, you get better and better and you increment your skills. And so what you used to look at it and go, why would anybody want to be spanked? Now you're like, oh my God, I want to be spanked.
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