An exploration of Dan’s relationships as a Step-Cat Dad. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Chapter 1: How do you handle awkward situations at a bar?
Roy, you know that moment when you're out watching puck and the server comes over and asks the table, what can I get you guys? And everyone freezes up. You know what you should do? What should I do, Mike? You've got to have some confidence. Or as Jagermeister calls it, shotfidence. I love it. If everyone's struggling, take control. Just order for the whole table.
Chapter 2: Why should Jagermeister be served ice cold?
A round of ice cold Jagermeister shots. Damn, that's cold. Because apparently, we've all been drinking Jagermeister wrong. Well, how should we be drinking it? We should be drinking it ice cold. At zero degrees Fahrenheit. Roy, like Jagermeister, what else is infinitely better ice cold? The sport of hockey, Mike. It's in the name. It's ice hockey. Ice hockey. Yes. Regular hockey, not as great.
Not floor hockey. Ice hockey, real good. Damn right. Wherever you are, if you're hanging with friends or at the bar, call the shots. Cheers with ice cold shots of Jagermeister.
Damn, that's cold. And remember to check Jagermeister out at DraftKingsXJagermeister.com.
Drink responsibly. Jagermeister liqueur, 35% alcohol by volume. Imported by Mass Jagermeister U.S., White Plains, New York.
Sharperdance!
Now's a good time to remember where tequila's story truly began. In 1795, Cuervo invented tequila. Cuervo. What are you doing here?
Cuervo. Anytime someone says Cuervo, I show up.
Cuervo.
Cuervo.
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Chapter 3: What is the story behind the 'Anaheim Ducks Pick of the Week'?
It's time for Against the Scream. And it's brought to you by our friends at DraftKings. DraftKings, the crown is yours. Roy, kick us off.
Devils at Blue Jackets tonight. I got a weird stat for you here. The Devils have failed to cover in nine straight night games versus opponents on a losing streak. The Blue Jackets on a three-game losing streak. The Devils just lost to the Penguins 7-3 on Saturday. The Blue Jackets are underdogs in this game by a goal and a half.
It begs the question, could you find a stat for anything?
Yeah.
That was an oddly specific stat. I know. It's ridiculous. And because of that stat, I'm going Blue Jackets tonight as the underdog. A goal and a half underdog.
You're not worried they've run out of gas? It's been one of the nicer stories in the sport. They're dealing with injuries. They look totally listless. But, I mean, it is a night game. It is a night game.
That's not good analysis.
It was, actually. It is a night game? It's making me stay away from the game. I know that that was the opposite of the intention, but the form is so bad from the blue jackets.
I don't think that Roy made a very convincing argument for what it is that he's asking us to bet.
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Chapter 4: How does Dan feel about being a 'Step-Cat Dad'?
Why are we shutting the front door?
Because I said last night, they've really petered out at the end of the season.
Is this a size thing? Does Michigan have size on them?
They do have a good freshman, a big, but so does Notre Dame, so it's not a size thing. It's Notre Dame just petering out, and this is me protecting my emotional hedging right now.
This all begs the question, what is the perfect amount of brackets to fill out? Are we begging that question? Some people wonder, do you just fill out one? If I fill out multiple, am I doing the same results in every bracket? Peter Burns had a theory that you fill out three. Right when it comes out, you just poop one out.
That's this one.
And then your second one is you think about it. You look at matchups. You dissect. You really crunch the numbers. That's number two. And number three, you go with your heart. You just what you want to happen. So you fill out three different brackets and you see what's what at the end.
I wish the bracket makers went with their hearts and were cognizant of the fact that we could have a UCLA-USC rematch in the Final Four and a South Carolina-Texas rematch, which is literally like what we just did last weekend. If all the one seeds make it, that would be so annoying. Why did they do that? Flip them around.
I wanted to ask you guys a question about Stephen A. Smith and Larry David. But before I do that, I wanted to tell you a story from my home this morning. And I wanted to ask you guys what you think of it. None of you are cat people, correct? There's nobody in here.
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Chapter 5: What are the dynamics of Dan's blended pet family?
But you haven't done the formality of adopting them.
No, I don't have any paperwork. They are – nor do I feel about them the way that she feels about them because I cannot reach those heights. They are not mine.
Well, they can be. That's why you go adopt them.
I think you just answered your question.
Yeah, geez, that's sad.
These are about my limits, though. This makes me a step pet dad because she had them before me. Isn't that why you asked the question?
No, but like if you become a stepdad, those children obviously were there before you go in and you marry the person and you become the stepdaddy. So I'm just wondering if that's a thing that can happen when you marry someone that has pets that you then view. Do you view them as your kitties?
Well, you've asked this again, and I view them as hers. And why do you make that sound? It's just sad. Why is that sad?
If they were children, would you love them?
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Chapter 6: How do different family members bond with pets?
I feel like you need to learn how to love, it sounds like.
I'm trying to help here. Not helpful. You have to want to open up if we want to move on.
I am happy for your blended family, though. It's not easy to get cats and dogs to get along famously.
Well, we had an incident. Uh-oh. Oh, yeah. No, look. It was a fight? Oh, my God. This was terrifying. Well, they have to establish that the dog was inherited, okay? And the dog, again, is a pit mix. This is actually very amusing because he's muscular. Everyone's scared of the dog. Everyone is scared of the dog except for these cats.
And the incident actually was a dangerous one because the dog ended up biting Valerie on the leg while lunging at the cat. But so they have to sort it out, right? McGill was actually teaching us. In retrospect, this was a dumb decision.
In retrospect, bringing in, rescuing a pit bull mix with two cats in the house and territorial about space and having them have to have it out was a terrible idea. But the pit is now terrified of the orange cat because of the story I'm about to tell you, okay?
We are giving medicine to the old gray bag of vacuum cleaner dust in her ear and I go to put her down and I didn't realize that the dog was there when I was putting her down. So the cat runs away from the dog even though the dog hasn't done anything, the dog is just there.
But the protector, the orange cat, the male cat who thinks he's the boss of my house because he is, sees the gray lady run away, sees the terror and then goes straight on to attack The pit bull who doesn't know what it is that's happening because he's never seen this orange creature who's always been respectful behave this way.
Is your cat's name Gray Bag of Dust? I'm starting to piece together what's going on here. You call one the orange one, and then you call the other one the old gray lady and the gray bag of vacuum dust.
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