Episode #663: It was all fun and games until country western came around...Then my arm was bruised and I couldn't read poems to my date. Donate to St. Jude, The National Breast Cancer Coalition Fund, the ASPCA and the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence Temp check! Cruising The well liquor of the cruise industry The Love Connection Why do they look so old? The nicest guy in Love Connection history The pro-disco social life Bryan’s Escape Women got standards, what the hell! A poem i wrote for my last lover A tasteful male nude Time for you know what John the Hell Cat Text us or leave us a voicemail: +1 (212) 433-3TCB Follow Us: IG: @thecommercialbreak TikTok: @tcbpodcast YT: youtube.com/thecommercialbreak www.tcbpodcast.com Executive Producer: Bryan Green Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Producer: Astrid B. Green Producer & Audio Editor: Christina Archer Christina’s Podcast: Apple Podcasts & Spotify To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices
This episode of The Commercial Break is sponsored by Ring.
The holidays are almost here, and between traveling, hosting family, and finding the perfect gift, it's such an exciting, busy, and yes, sometimes stressful time. Ring helps you stay connected to the home for all the merry moments, even when you're on the go. With Ring, you've got the whole home covered. Their video doorbells alert you when gifts arrive,
And you can even chat with the delivery people to let them know where to leave the packages. The indoor cam, it's a game changer.
So easy to set up. You can use it to check in on your pets when you're away. And with two-way talk, you can even talk to them.
Plus, if you want some privacy, you can just flip the manual cover to turn off the camera and microphone. Wherever the holidays take you, Ring makes sure that you're always home for the holidays.
So head to Ring.com to find the latest deals on Ring video doorbells, cams, and alarm kits.
Ring makes the perfect gift for everyone on your list. And thanks to Ring for being a sponsor of the commercial break.
We'll see you next time. Get your quote today at Progressive.com to join the over 28 million drivers who trust Progressive. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law. Hey, Chrissy, best to you.
Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe and happy holidays. Sometimes podcasts like ours will take off a lot of time during the holidays, but not us. We're gluttons for punishment. So we have the 12 days of TCB coming at you. December 13th through the 25th, brand new episodes every single day and live fresh episodes during the entire holiday season.
As the great Clark Griswold once said, Holy shit, where's the Tylenol? Find it quick and join us this entire holiday season for brand new episodes of The Commercial Break.
Tis the season to shake that ass. Tis the season to shake those titties.
The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now.
And we're going to have the hap-hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking King. Oh, yeah, dancers and prancers, welcome back to The Commercial Break. I'm Brian Greene. This is the Donner to My Blitz. And Chris and Joy Hoadley, best to you, Chris.
Best to you.
brian best of you out there in the podcast universe welcome back to the 12 days of tcb here we are rolling toward christmas eve christmas day the day after christmas the day after the day after christmas every fucking day you get a new episode of the commercial break in december fear not thank you to everybody who has been supporting us writing in i know saying wonderful things about us i do i do love the reaction that is nice that makes it worth it
This has been great for the audience, not so good for the three of us here in the room, as we've been nonstop recording. But hey, we'll get a nice break.
We will.
Brian, the beat-em-up boss, will give you guys a break, I promise, real soon.
Yeah, it will be well-deserved.
Oh, man, will it be well-deserved. So, yeah, and everybody has been writing in saying that they're really enjoying the 12 days of TCB. Some people have been so kind as to send screenshots of them donating. I saw a National Breast Cancer Coalition fund or two the other day. A couple ASPCAs, and the St. Jude Foundation seems to be a popular one with everybody. So thank you very much.
Your schwag is on the way. I do promise that. So, Chrissy... How are you feeling? I just want to take a temperature check in the room. How are you feeling?
I'm feeling good. I'm feeling great.
You sound like you got a little bit of a cold.
No, it's my throat because we've been doing so many shows day after day after day. I might need some tea and honey.
You need some tea and honey? I might. We'll get you some tea and honey after this episode. Not letting you go. You got to finish this episode. Man, I'll tell you what.
Don't even say I'm getting a cold. I do not want a cold.
Well, and I already said it, so now you already got it.
No, but don't put that into the ethos.
Oh, God, I put it into the ether. What are we, Teresa Caputo now? What are we going to do? You got to go around, spit twice, spin around, yell in the air? What are you going to do? How do you get rid of a cold? Well, listen, it is that time of year when people do get sick, and you have been coming here, where I have 13 to 15 children, that bring around every fucking disease possible.
One of my kids had this weird... Have you ever heard of Rosalia? Have you heard of this? Rosalia is a very nondescript infection that children get.
Sounds like a flower.
It sounds like a lovely flower. It basically blooms into an extraordinarily high fever with a rash. Right. But adults don't get it. So don't worry. You don't have to worry about it. Or do adults get it? I'm not sure. If you get it, let me know. But my kid was cooking. She was like at 105.7. And so when you touch her, she's hot. So listen to this. This is crazy.
You say 105.7, their brains are burning at that point, but not true with children. Children, they have a lot of malleability in their brains because they're not fully formed yet. So it's a little bit, it's much different actually with a child. If you're at 105.7 as an adult, you're dead. I mean, there's no way your body can take that.
So when my first one was born, about a year, he's a year and a half old, and one night he was sleeping in the bed with Astrid and I, and I rolled over, he was in the middle of us, I rolled over and I touched him, just like put my hand on him.
Right.
And he was like a tea kettle. That's how hot he was. And I was like, holy shit, you know, he's a fever. So we get up, we get the thermometer, we take his temperature, he's at 105 something. And we are freaking the fuck out. Of course. We're like, oh my God. So we get some cool damp cloths and we give them, you know, Tylenol or Motrin or whatever it is.
And we put a call in to the doctor and the doctor says, well, listen, if it goes down, you know, great. If it goes up, go to the hospital. If it goes down, don't worry about it. Come and see us tomorrow. So we bring him in the next day. And when the doctor takes his temperature, it's at 106. And now, so I'm totally freaking out about this.
Yeah, I know.
And the doctor is like, don't worry. This is your first. It's our first. Don't worry about it, right? Which is a really hard thing to do as a child. She's like, don't worry about it. Honestly, sometimes kids go into the 107s, sometimes even the 108s, and it's just their body reacting to an infection.
As long as we can bring it down with some kind of medication or, you know, cooling them off in some way, shape, or form, then we don't get worried about it. But I thought to myself, holy shit, you could cook rice at 107. Can you cook rice at 107? I don't know. What does water boil at?
Fahrenheit. 100 degrees Celsius.
What is it? I know, Celsius. That always gets me fooled.
Christina, you have the European... No one knows this. I was embarrassed that none of us knew what temperature water boils at.
Yeah, what does water boil at? 130 degrees Fahrenheit, I think is what it is.
There's like a 32 difference. I don't know.
Okay, fact check that, Christina.
Because zero is then 32.
212.
212 degrees. Okay, so you had a little ways to go. Okay, yeah. So we couldn't fry an egg on his head. Right. Rice can boil on my son's chest. So anyway, if you get Rosalia, let me know. You know where they get a lot of infections like Rosalia is at Carnival Cruises, apparently. I was going to share with you this. Where is this going?
I was going to share with you that right before we got on, I was flipping through Instagram, as I do, and I saw this reel where someone had posted that a guy on a Carnival cruise, not but 45 minutes to an hour after they left the L.A. port, was trying to kick down people's doors. He had his shirt off, big boy, trying to kick down doors on the Carnival cruise.
I have determined that the Carnival cruise has become the Black Friday Walmart thing
of cruising because it's so cheap right i mean it's dirt fucking cheap it's like a hundred dollars to go to cozumel for the weekend those ads before i've been on a carnival cruise by the way i went on there many years ago my first cruise was a carnival cruise and i thought it was lovely because i had nothing to compare i was gonna say maybe that's the starter cruise yes the starter cruise it's the starter cruise or it's the i want to get away for the weekend and i don't you know i'm i'm not getting paid till next week kind of cruise
Because I've been on Royal Caribbean and Disney Cruise. Now, Disney Cruises are crazy expensive anyway, so you get what you pay for in that sense. Royal Caribbean, I think, is like the middle of the road. They have Ritz-Carlton Cruises now, too. Oh, I know.
I'm on that list. I'm on that list now, too. I would go on a Ritz.
$41,000.
I looked into it. I was like, well, I was like, Jeff and I will let's treat ourselves.
Treat ourselves. Yeah.
Where do you work? Like, oh, that's way off.
Way off. So there's a huge gap between $239 for a person to go to Cozumel for the weekend and $41,000 for the mid-suite on a Ritz-Carlton cruise. And so I understand that when you make it accessible or affordable for everyone to cruise, everyone's going to cruise. Everyone and anyone are going to cruise.
You're going to get a mix.
But so far this year, I think I've heard that Carnival Cruises has had to pull a poop cruise for three and a half days back to port. Many people have fallen and jumped off. Sick, you know, all kind of bacteria running through there. You know, some lady died in the jacuzzi. People are literally rocking the boat in the middle of the night.
I can't tell you how many fights I've seen in those clubs at night that are going on in those Carnival Cruises. What is wrong with people? You're on a cruise. Why is everyone so upset?
Somebody's girl. That's what happened. Drunk. That's the way it happened.
That's true.
Somebody's man or somebody's girl and alcohol.
Alcohol is the reason.
Unlimited alcohol.
Yeah, that's the thing. And trust me, they're not giving you, you know, Cuervo 1800 on the top shelf. Yeah, that's what we call the well liquor. You know why I call it the well liquor? You keep it in the well so people can't see it. That's a true story.
I know.
Yeah. Top shelf liquor is on the shelf so people see it and they want to buy it. Well liquor is in the well where no one can determine exactly what they're drinking, including the bartenders or the people selling you that alcohol. It is... It is a bad idea to order well drinks all night long because that alcohol is probably high octane.
Carnival Cruise is the well drink.
They're the well liquor of the cruise world. Absolutely. Listen, you can't fault someone for trying to find a deal. In that regard, I say, hey, listen, you know, if you can only afford $239 a night or a cruise. You've got to get to Jamaica. And you've got to get to Jamaica tomorrow to buy some weed. And flush it down the toilet before you make it back to port. Like Brian did.
Then listen, Carnival is a great option. By the way, Carnival Cruise was the cruise that I got stopped on the way back in.
That makes sense.
And had a strip search, including an anal cavity search.
Well, I'm surprised they were so strict.
Well, of course they are. They know that the people who are smuggling weed go on carnival cruises.
Yeah, I guess you probably don't get the same treatment on the Ritz cruise.
No, at the Ritz cruise, I don't know.
This way, sir. Yeah, they land a helicopter. This way, sir.
Here's a special container for the weed.
We will now pull into Star Island in Miami.
Trump helicopter will pick you up and fly you back to a New York City skyscraper. There you'll have your ass wiped with only the finest cotton sheets. 500 thread count. Yeah. Ritz Carlson cruises. You press a button in the bathroom and it goes, poo-poo. Or pee-pee. Someone comes running in and they dab your penis. If you pee-pee, they go, ping-ping. Clean the seat.
I wonder if they have bidets. I love a bidet.
Oh, they must have bidets on the Ritz-Carlton. Well, actually, no. There's spaces at a premium there. But I did look at the floor plans. I did, too. You and I are the same. I wish I could do that. I wish I could do that.
It was totally going on my vision board.
Listen, true story. Astrid and I love a Ritz-Carlton. Oh, we do too. We love a Ritz-Carlton. We got married there. That doesn't mean we have money. It means somebody else had money to give us, right? But we have been lucky enough to stay at a number of Ritz-Carlton. That is a treat. We are the kind of people who go on vacation and we spend the money on the accommodations. Exactly. Right?
We have children, so we know that, you know, we're not going to do anything fun during the vacation, so we might as well stay somewhere nice.
We do too, because we like to relax.
Yeah. And so we've stayed at Ritz Carlton. Plus, when you get married to Ritz Carlton, they give you a bunch of points you can use, you know, to stay a place. So we've made the best use out of those points. So I love a Ritz Carlton. So when those cruise lines, when they started hitting me up about their new cruise ships, I was looking at every floor plan.
And some of those cruise ship suites at the Ritz Carlton, they're like 1,300 square feet. Oh, yeah. That's half this house. I mean, it's bigger than my apartment. I know. It's not even in the way that they do them up. Every inch. Finest. The finest quality everything.
Well, for the price.
Of course. When you're paying $41,000 a person to get on one of those cruises. A person. And then they only take you on like a three-day cruise for $41,000. They have three restaurants. When they have racquetball on a cruise ship, you know you're cruising with stuff. I think they actually have a polo field there. I think Harry and Meghan do polo on the Ritz-Carlton ship.
But when you go on a carnival cruise, because I've been on one, they stick a bed up against the wall. There's a porthole you can't see out of. And the crapper and the shower are the same thing. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, see, that's what I'm not going to do. Yeah, you put down the toilet seat, give yourself a shower, but it's not.
Fun.
Those cruise ships are crazy.
But we're going to Jamaica.
So you're saying there's a chance. Hey, listen, after the 12 days of TCB, I'm treating everybody to a carnival cruise.
I think we should do it just for research purposes.
Oh, I would do it. I think those carnival cruises are the ones where they have the yacht.
I'll bring my own food.
The wrestling cruises are definitely on carnival. I can guarantee you that.
Absolutely. Brad Williams was on that.
Yeah, Brad Williams. Or the 90s music cruise, which apparently is very popular. I saw there was a 311 cruise. Creed has done a cruise.
No, everybody has a cruise.
Everybody has a cruise. Why not a TCB cruise?
Heather McMahon has a cruise.
Heather McMahon has a cruise. I saw that.
I thought that cruise would be fun. I bet it would be, for sure. I know. She's been talking about it for a while, and I'm excited to hear the stories from it.
Why can't we have a cruise? Well, I think we need to actually probably do the live shows we bailed. on last year before we do. People texting all the time. What are those live shows? Stay tuned. Stay tuned. Those live shows may now be on Twitch. Hey, we gave you refunds. What can we do?
The live show's now on Twitch.
The live show's now on Carnival Cruise from here to Cozumel. Now, Carnival's not in on this. It's just us. It's like these charities we've been talking about. They know nothing about it. Neither does Carnival Cruise. Chrissy and I will be doing a live episode of TCB in the formal dining room every night at our table, which I just hope we can sell the table.
Maybe we can have a room like your mom has off to the side at the retirement.
Yes, a private, yeah. If not, then we'll do it next to the bed by the porthole. I can see it.
We do. We had a whole show planned.
We had a whole show planned. I'm not even going to get into it. It's not even worth talking about. We'll get back to it, I promise. Let's put a pin in it for right now and circle back later. Yeah, 2030. When my next parathyroid gets taken out. When my next tumor grows, then we'll think about it.
Carnival Cruise actually sells, and I think a lot of cruise ships do this, they sell rooms underneath the waterline.
Oh, my God. Those are the $200.
Yeah, those are the $200. Well, I don't know. On Carnival, you might get a balcony for $200, but you can actually get one of those stowaway rooms, and they call it the stowaway room.
Like in Best in Show when they put them in the hotel room in the janitor closet.
$100.
What do you say? But we'll let you have all the well liquor you want. Don't worry about it.
That was probably the guy that was busting down doors on the carnival.
Oh, man. I'll tell you what. Whatever was going on, he looked angry. They actually had to sedate him. The doctors sedated him. Like an elephant. They just stuck him like an elephant. That's crazy. I mean, I don't even know if that's legal. But I guess out in open water, anything's legal. Yeah.
And it's lawless.
Hey, listen, great idea. I don't drink. So next time I go on the carnival cruise, I'm going to start kicking down doors to get the good stuff. All right. Okay, listen. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence is what we're talking about for the next couple of days or for the last couple of days we've been talking about it. We are going to put a link in the show notes.
The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence helps women and children who are getting out of abusive situations get back on their feet, find shelter, get away from the abusive relationships, and then get back on their feet and also with financial literacy so that they can take care of themselves and their family during what has to be extraordinarily difficult times. Super, super.
I know that the local women's shelter around here, which we give a lot of stuff to and money to, this is the busiest time of the year you can only imagine. And a lot of women choose to decouple from those situations now. A lot of those women have children. And it's just a terrible thing. Yeah, it's scary. It's a terrible thing to think about.
And then to think about the fact that the kids may not have Christmas gifts, which makes it twice as miserable and twice as scary, and that the women are really in a shitty situation they've got to dig themselves out of. These people do God's work by helping other human beings get out of terrible situations. So if you would, donate a dollar.
Even a dollar can make a big difference this time of year to any of the causes we've been talking about. But this one feels near and dear to my heart. So if you would, please, we'll put a link in the show notes directly to their website where you may make that donation directly to them. We have nothing to do with it, but we're just encouraging you to do some good during the 12 days of TCB.
The love connection has nothing to do with the carnival cruises or the abuse, but, or maybe, I don't know. We don't know what happened in every love connection relationship, do we? But I will promise you, the person we're reviewing today is not TCB. An abuser.
I'll promise you this.
Probably the nicest guy that's ever been on Love Connection. We're going to be back with one of our favorites. What the fuck, Chuck? Love Connection. After these words, we'll be back.
Holidays getting you down? Family acting out of pocket? Text us and tell us all about it at 212-433-3TCB. Or leave us a voicemail with all of the unhinged and or spicy details. And then follow us on Instagram at thecommercialbreak and on TikTok at tcbpodcast if you need a laugh or an escape.
You can always escape for a full hour and watch our YouTube videos at youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak while you simultaneously peruse our website tcbpodcast.com to find out all there is to know about Brian and Chrissy. Now let's hear from our sponsors so we can afford the holidays this year.
When you think about businesses that are selling through the roof like Aloe, Allbirds, or Skims, sure, you think about a great product, a cool brand, and brilliant marketing. But an often overlooked secret is actually the businesses behind the business, making selling and for shoppers buying simple. For millions of businesses, that business is Shopify.
Nobody does selling better than Shopify, home of the number one checkout on the planet and the not-so-secret secret, with shop pay that boosts conversions up to 50%, meaning way less carts going abandoned and way more sales going.
So if you're into growing your business, your commerce platform better be ready to sell whenever your customers are scrolling or strolling on the web, in your store, in their feed, and everywhere in between. Upgrade your business and get the same checkout experience as business powerhouses like Allo, Allbirds, and Skims.
Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com slash Odyssey podcast, all lowercase. Go to Shopify.com slash Odyssey podcast to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com slash Odyssey podcast. When you think about businesses that are selling through the roof like Aloe, Allbirds, or Skims, sure, you think about a great product, a cool brand, and brilliant marketing.
But an often overlooked secret is actually the businesses behind the business, making selling and for shoppers buying simple. For millions of businesses, that business is Shopify.
Nobody does selling better than Shopify, home of the number one checkout on the planet and the not-so-secret secret, with shop pay that boosts conversions up to 50%, meaning way less carts going abandoned and way more sales going...
So if you're into growing your business, your commerce platform better be ready to sell whenever your customers are scrolling or strolling on the web, in your store, in their feed, and everywhere in between. Upgrade your business and get the same checkout experience as business powerhouses like Allo, Allbirds, and Skims.
Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com slash Odyssey podcast, all lowercase. Go to Shopify.com slash Odyssey podcast to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com slash Odyssey podcast.
This Christmas, give the gift that truly keeps on giving. A lifetime membership to Rosetta Stone. It's perfect for anyone looking to learn or improve their language skills and deepen their connections and open a world of experiences. Imagine being able to converse with family members in their native language or making the most of that dream international holiday trip.
With that in mind, there's no better tool than Rosetta Stone, the most trusted language learning program. Available on desktop and mobile, Rosetta Stone immerses you in the language. so you truly learn to think, speak, and understand it naturally. With Rosetta Stone's intuitive approach, there are no English translations. You're fully immersed.
And the built-in true accent feature acts like a personal accent coach, giving you real-time feedback to make sure you sound just right. Don't put off learning that language. There's no better time than right now to get started. Today, listeners can get Rosetta Stone's lifetime membership for 50% off. Visit RosettaStone.com slash RS10.
That's 50% off unlimited access to 25 language courses for the rest of your life. Redeem your 50% off at RosettaStone.com slash RS10 today for yourself or as a gift that keeps giving.
Oh, man. Okay, listen. Over the last couple of years, one of our favorite things to do is to review dating shows. Now, yesterday, we reviewed MTV's Parental Control. What a terrible television show.
Whatever happened to Jeremy?
I didn't find Jeremy, actually. Didn't find Jeremy. I would have thought for sure.
He's probably wiped his history clean of that show.
He's not around. He's not with us anymore. He's incarcerated somewhere. Jeremy, I couldn't find him. I thought for sure he would be a, you know, someone trying to make a living on Instagram, but he, I didn't find him. I'll continue to look. My search skills are fantastic. So if he's out there, I'll find him. But I only spent a couple of minutes on it yesterday.
Okay, so one of our favorite things to do has been to review Love Connection episodes. Love Connection, of course, the very famous dating show from back in the 80s and early 90s. They actually had two versions of the Love Connection, one with Chuck Woolery and then another one in the mid-90s with another guy. Not as funny. Chuck is definitely the best.
Although he became problematic in his later years. He was great, but he's great now. He's great back in the 80s.
He died recently, right?
Chuck Woolery did... I believe. I do remember seeing something about this.
I was like, oh, Chuck died.
Yeah, Chuck died. Okay, I think Chuck died. We'll figure that out. Is he dead? Yeah, he's dead.
November 23rd, recently. So that's what I was thinking.
Oh, he just died November 23rd?
Yeah, I sent that to you.
Aw. I know. Okay. Well, Chuck, at least in the 80s, you were a nice guy. So I think I have found the nicest guy that has ever been on the Love Connection stage, and that is saying something, because in the 80s, the people just had a different personal attitude. Yeah.
And also look 20 years older.
And also look, this guy, wait till you see this guy. I think he's 31. He looks like he's 62. Wait till you see this guy. Okay, let's review this episode of Love Connection. Here's our boy Chuck Woolery.
Oh, can you hit play for me?
Thanks. And also the music.
I thought I unmuted it, but I don't think I... Yeah, there you go.
There you go.
It says that in 1979 and 1980, they were the best years of his social life.
Look at him. He is 37 years old. Chrissy, this guy does not look a day under 65 years old. This is amazing. I know. I think all those preservatives are... It's a huge mustache.
Look at that. The mustache, I think, adds.
Yeah, the mustache does add years.
And the jowls.
Yeah, the jowls and the gray hair. All of it together. And the caterpillars on top of his eyes.
He's been divorced for 13 years, but he says that he wants to get married real soon.
Oh.
Please welcome John Duvall.
The men don't usually say that.
Hello, John. How are you? Let's see. Cecilia. Cecilia, Kentucky.
Mm-hmm. That's down around Fort Knox, isn't it? It's about 30 miles as a crow flies south of Fort Knox.
It's about 30 miles outside of Fort Knox. As the crow flies. Yeah, if you take a 40 over there to exit 32, then you get off at 32, you can take 16 over to 12. You know where the gas station is, Chevron. You'll take a right there. I live about 12 miles from there, and you got to pass a couple of pastures first, Chrissy. Okay. Just letting you know.
What was so special? It said 1979, 1980, either the best years of your social life. What was so special about that? That was when disco rang supreme.
Oh. He was big into disco.
I love Johnny. He's so sweet.
I know.
I used to get in my bell-bottoms, and I would go out on Friday night, and I liked to wear the bell-bottoms, but my penis often showed, so I'd put a little pad in there so it was not to upset any of the womenfolk. And then we'd go out and party hard. We did a lot of cocaine and poppers back then, and that's why I think it was fun.
Big disc score. I had a dance partner. You did? Mm-hmm. She was about 10 years older than I was. She had her own boyfriend.
She had her own boyfriend. He was cuckolding. This is the nicest guy that's ever lived.
Oh, my God. I had a dance partner. She had a boyfriend. Made it pretty clear to me that there would not be any funny stuff. But that was okay with me. I wasn't very sexually mature. I was only 29 years old. I wasn't quite ready for the full ride, if you know what I mean, Chuck.
Made it kind of nice because we would go out there and really do our thing and had our little costumes on. Had costume? Exactly. What kind of costume? Oh, I had like a tuxedo shirt with tuxedo pants and suspenders. Oh.
That's quite the look.
I got my whole outfit at TJ Maxx for about $39, and then she would be wearing a sparkly-do, if you don't mind, and then we would go out there and do our thing, and there was absolutely no physical contact afterwards. It was kind of nice for me and her husband.
My partner had a nice fiscal dress. And we would do our thing and she would go sit with her boyfriend. And then this was what was so great about 79 and 80.
He's just perking right up.
Look at his eyes. He's like, this was what's so great about 79 and 80s. Most people thought I was gay. So I really did not get a lot of action, but I looked good doing it. Do you know what I'm saying, Chuck?
Come over and ask me to dance instead of having it the other way around. I surely thought you were good, probably. I made them all feel like Ginger Rogers. And they loved me for it. They loved me so well, increased my dating about maybe five to ten times a week.
Really? Five to ten times a week? There's only seven days in a week? Geez.
He's quite the man about the discos.
Yeah. I think even when I was dating someone seriously, we wouldn't go on five dates a week. Do you know what I'm saying? No.
very much. Well, now what happened to your social life after disco took a dive?
Well, it did plummet. I got into transformers and model trains. And I had a model train partner, and you see, she would come in and help me with the model train, but she was married. But what would happen is we would go to the model train conventions, and then oftentimes I would be approached by other men to play with their trains. And it was nice in that regard.
I felt like I was being paid attention to.
You're really embodying this character.
I think this guy's very nice. I wish for one minute I was as innocent as John was.
Country western scene came in. He just changed the music.
Doesn't matter. Country western's in. Take off the sequined vest and pop into your cowboy boots. I couldn't keep up with the steps. Cotton Eye Joe.
Cotton Eye Joe. I didn't really like it, Chuck. I didn't like it because disco was so sweet and the way we turn and touch dancing. And this was all, hey, jerk them around, cowboy. I didn't like it.
This was all jerk-em-off cowboy. I was at a certain kind of cowboy bar, and I don't know, it just didn't feel right to me, Chuck.
Yeah, I didn't care for it.
Plus, the tight jeans didn't show off the best of me, if you know what I mean. I found that my dating decreased by five to ten days a week.
In fact, I get sore arms from dancing with some of the cowgirls, and so I didn't like that. I bruised easily, Chuck.
Got sore arms from dancing with the cowgirls?
Wow, he gave it a shot.
Sounds like though. Well, listen, he's a man about town.
He likes to dance.
He does. Well, you got hair like that.
Well.
Disco is your thing. It is. Right. I think he probably should have changed his haircut after disco.
Been doing the last couple years. Waiting for disco to come back. Waiting for disco to come back. Sitting at home and playing disco with my thumb. Well, let's take a look at the case. Playing disco with my thumbs.
This is my favorite part when we get to look at the ladies he's going to choose.
First there was Toni. She enjoys dancing and woodworking. She's been divorced for four years.
She likes dancing. She likes woodworking. And woodworking. And woodworking. I think that's something John could get into.
She has a five-year-old son. Now, she thinks the best thing about being single is having her own bathroom. And she says men are a constant source of surprise. Here's what she means.
Someone who seems like they'd be very dull on a date turns out to be very exciting. Some that you think would never be interested in a small child become very attached.
Oh, well, that might be a downside there, Terry. The 80s were a different time, guys. Some men just take no interest in my child, and some take a lot of interest in my child. That's right. I think this lady's a perfect fit for our boy here.
Tony.
Very soft-spoken. Yeah, Tony.
My child. It's always new, and it's always different.
All right.
How does your child feel about that?
I know. This is Lynn. She admits that she talks too much. She says that she'd like to get married so that she can stop having blind dates and start having children.
Lynn's 33, looks 43.
I want to be taken seriously. Definitely. You know, not because I'm female.
If you want to be taken seriously, don't wrap your shirt in a bow.
I mean, let's just be real about it. I have different anatomy that I have. different feelings or different emotions than they do. But if they want to be a gentleman, that's okay. If it makes them feel comfortable, I don't demand, you know, I don't have to have anybody open my door.
She's very forward for the early 80s. She's in construction. You've got to have a good head on your shoulders to be in construction.
Finally watched Ellen. She's originally from Richmond, Virginia. She enjoys going to museums. Says that she wants a man who's attractive and smart as she is. Here's what she does.
You can tell in Ellen's eyes that she's already way too advanced for our boy here.
I think so. I don't want him to be an egotistical person. I'd rather have somebody that was more interested in things in his life than his own life. In other words, like maybe his hobbies or things that he does rather than himself. I don't want the guy that's always taking the mirror and going like this while he's driving.
Well, you lucked out on this one. I'm not sure this guy even has ever looked in a mirror.
Okay. Look at all three of them again. First is Tony. She's 36. She's a high school teacher. Lynn works in the construction industry. She's 33. And Ellen's 34. She's a sales rep for a textile company. The audience, you met John. Seen his three choices. Know a lot about it.
Oh, they're choosing now. Number one!
All right.
It was such a fun and interactive way for the audience to get involved.
It is a fun and interactive way for the audience to get involved. Choose which person's going to go on a blind date with this luscious, lovely man.
We're out of time, so we're going to find out who John picked and hear everything that happened.
Don't worry, Chrissy. I got the second half.
We're going to find out tomorrow, though. That's our show for today. I'm Chuck Woolery. I hope all your dates tonight are good ones. We'll see you tomorrow. Bye-bye, everybody.
That's a nice way to end things. Yeah, this is one of the very early episodes, by the way. You can tell just by the hissing noise in the background and the way that this is made.
How they can get on Love Connection. It's a lot easier than they think. Now, if you're over 21, just call this number right here and have a free date on us. How bad can that be? Well... Well...
It's kind of weird that you set people up on blind dates. They show up at each other's houses. Yeah.
That's an early set.
Yeah, I love the music. Oh, yeah.
All right. Pierre Cardin, Chrissy. Ooh.
I'm just letting the music play because I like it.
Today, you'll meet John. He always recites poetry to his dates. Yesterday, the audience voted on which one.
Would you think that reciting poetry to you, would that be weird or would you like that?
I mean, it depends on the poem.
Poetry. Yeah. But I mean, like if you just met a guy and he came in on the second date and he just said, I have a poem for you.
I'd like to read it.
Yeah. Maybe like the second year of marriage. Right. Right. Yeah. Something like that. No, not for you.
I don't think there is any situation where it is appropriate for a man to read me a poem. Oh, really? Unless I am at a poet's wedding.
event yes what if i had someone create a mega write a poem for me i've written soliloquies yeah but i don't think i've ever written a poem for anybody and i certainly wouldn't recite them to him that's what i message is for it's like making someone listen to you play the guitar it's giving barbie you know yeah i know the scene yeah i've done that a lot escaping brian but to be fair to me i was drunk or high so there you go
These three women. They willingly did it because they said, well, it's better than him talking. I said, do you want to hear a little Brian's escape?
That's right.
Here's our latest single.
Sunny side up. Sunny side up. Sunny side up.
I just was a fan of things that, words that sounded good together.
They had no meaning. Says his date. And you'll meet Jan. The audience chose a date for her and it didn't work out. Today we'll hear about her date with the man she chose.
We won't actually hear about that date, but we'll hear about Joe's date.
They were, like, already saying it didn't work out back then.
Well, because she came back for a second round. Oh. You see what I'm saying?
But they didn't, in later years, they don't say.
No, they don't do that. In later years, they also don't have a seven-and-a-half-minute introduction like the commercial break did for the first two seasons.
Now, here's our host, Chuck Flurry. Thank you. Thank you.
Oh, it's so good looking.
Oh, shit.
I bet he has ass hair. We love ass hair.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Ladies Love Talk.
Get started by meeting our first guest. He's originally from Cecilia, Kentucky. He's been divorced for 13 years, but he says that he's ready to remarry. Says that he came to Love Connection because he didn't like the women he's been meeting.
He's been divorced for 13 years. He's 37, so he got divorced at 24, 25. Got divorced. Yeah, 24. That's young to get divorced.
Yeah.
But, I mean, if you were married to John... Well... I know. It's going to take a certain kind of personality. It is. Nice guys sometimes do finish last. It's a true story. And the reason why nice guys finish last is because there is a certain boredom that comes with always being nice. Do you know what I'm saying? I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but I can see John...
Well, in your young 20s, maybe.
Yes, yes.
Although he sounds exciting with the discos.
Well, listen, yeah, he sounds so exciting that he couldn't find his own dance partner.
Well, John, what's wrong with the women you've been meeting?
Well, I'm still meeting some women at bars and places like that, and they seem to be a lot different than they did back in the early 80s and the late 70s. They're more cold and callous, and in fact, they seem like they're more ugly.
Why do you think they're more ugly? He threw that in there, too. Damn.
Well, Brad Bitt. I know.
Women got standards, and he can't stand it.
I can't take it anymore.
I don't know. Well, it's really hard to say. Maybe I could be getting older, too.
You could be getting older, John. That might be a statement that might be true.
I was stating before that we're younger, getting older, too, and we're all getting older. We're all getting older.
Yeah, we're all getting older, Chuck. It's just one of those unfortunate things. One year I'm 36, and the next year I happen to be 37. My birthday was last Tuesday, Chuck, and I almost ran over a squirrel. Luckily, I avoided any kind of contact. But it was because my arms are sore from all that flippin' and floppin' and country-western type music.
Well, I rewrite this. This poetry is my own, and I write it. And normally on a date, if I recite the poetry, I'll recite a poem about myself. Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
I'm getting older. How about you? I don't know what I'm like. It's like a self-portrait poem.
Then if, like I say, if I like the girl... Yeah, maybe shy away from the self-portrait poem.
Yeah, we don't need to hear about your self-reflection. It's like Aaron Rodgers doing a whole Netflix special on his ayahuasca experience. It's just a little glow-up we don't need. You know what I'm saying?
I'll recite her a poem that I wrote to one of my last loves.
What? To one of your last loves? Yeah, nothing gets a girl wet like the last girl getting poetry.
Yeah, like the poem you wrote for the last girl.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It works every time. I don't mention her name or anything like that. You don't say. To Helen. I do have one poem that I have a blank in it.
Well, please repeat it. Please recite it. But of course, Chuck won't have a follow-up question here, which will suck because that's not what Chuck does. Chuck's bad at follow-up questions.
But I don't do that. Let's bring everybody up to date on what happened yesterday.
Let's move this along. Let's move away from the interesting part of the show and back to the boring part of the show.
Now, we show the audience John's three choices. They voted on which one they thought would be best for him, and we're going to take a look and catch you up to date. First, there's Tony. She enjoys dancing and woodworking.
Dancing and woodworking. I mean, I kind of like it.
And that's Tony. Then Lynn, she says that she'd like to get married so she can stop having blind dates and start having babies. Ellen says that she wants a man. Way to summarize it. Thanks, Chuck. Well, to be fair, that's what she said. Who's as attractive and smart as she is. Now, the audience vote was recorded yesterday.
We're going to get to that a little bit later on, but right now, John's going to remind us who he chose. Chuck, I chose Ellen.
Oh, he chose the one that I thought would be least a fit for him because Ellen looks and sounds like she's lived some life.
Saucy.
And John looks like he literally reads novels on his day off.
Let's do it right now. Let's say hello to Ellen Gulski. Guleski, I'm sorry. Ellen Guleski. Hi, Ellen.
Hi, Rob. How are you? Fine, thank you.
Just make yourself at home back there, okay? And you can tell me about the date.
I went over to pick Ellen up.
I took Route 34, and then I got off at Exit 12, and I was in my jeans and had some suspenders on.
Chuck, all right, John, let's move it along now.
She invited me in. And I go, you know, into the house right there, and she looked very nice. The beautiful blue eyes, which she corrected me, the turquoise eyes. Very nice. And, uh... Very nice. It was... Let's put it, everything, we're in the right places. Absolutely. That's good, Josh. Boat the ice. Yeah. And I get in. So we've got to give her a chance to put the rose water.
And she had to water some of her other plants. So I kind of went on a little tour.
All right, John, let's move along now. We only have 15 minutes. She had some other plants. She had some other plants. Please name them. Please. I hope this guy names them.
And we get into this one room, and she opens up the door, and I'm noticing some of the art that she does. She's a fantastic artist. Is she? Nice paintings. Just one painting, though. Nice paintings. We're talking life-size male nude.
Oh.
And there, I saw it.
His eyes.
His eyes just rolled.
It was a penis. Life-size. Life-size. Yeah, life-size penis. And I came to the realization, I was dating the wrong sex.
I mean, you know, am I here and somewhere's right now? You know, I don't know.
And in fact, maybe you'd be thinking, well, she want to paint you. Well, I don't know. I don't know if I could meet up with this nude.
I don't know if I could lead up to this.
I don't know if I could meet up to this nude. He doesn't, his penis doesn't quite measure up.
He's a very good artist. And I mean, we're talking detail in some areas, if you know what I mean.
He's been dying to tell this story. It was the most exciting thing that happened to him since the disco days.
He knew the second that he walked into that room that he had the best love connection story. And he might be right because this might be episode number three. And it had great detail in some places. Please tell us which places it had great detail.
A lot of hair under the arm. Exactly.
All right. I think that's a good place that we should take a break. Let me remind you that we are talking about the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence is one of the five charities that we are going to focus on during the 12 days of TCB. We're just shining a light on these charities that do such great work. And if you would...
Be so kind as to just donate a few dollars, $5, $10, $50, $1,000, whatever it is, to one or multiple of these charities. We certainly would appreciate it. It'll make you feel better. They'll be able to do some more good. Go out there in the world in 2025 and help some people, some pets.
And we've vetted these charities, too. They use almost all of their money that's donated.
Most of these charities use a majority of their money. I mean, all of these charities use a majority of their money to the intended causes, which not all charities do. There are many charities, probably the ones you know most about because you hear about them all the time. that do nothing but market their own charity.
They'll spend like 70% of their budget on getting more money and then they pay their, you know, the people who run these organizations a whole shitload of money. None of these organizations do that. St. Jude does do a lot of advertising, but they also do a whole shitload of good and they do more good than they do advertising. Anyway, you get the point. Links are in the show notes.
The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Please go donate. We'll take a break and we'll be back.
Hi, you know what time it is. So let's get to it. Pull that phone out of your pocket and follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok for now, I guess, at TCB podcast. You can also find all of our video content that we're filming in our brand new studio at youtube.com slash the commercial break. So check it out and throw us a follow, a like, a comment, whatever you can spare.
If you want to get in touch with us, you can always text us or call us and leave us a voicemail at 212-433-3TCB. Now I have one last request. During the 12 or 263 days of TCB, check out our featured charities and donate to them if you can this holiday season. All right, let's take a listen to our sponsors and get back to the show.
Looking to improve your diet in the new year? Try seeing a personal dietitian with Nourish. Nourish has hundreds of dietitians who specialize in a variety of health concerns, including weight loss, gut health, and more. Meet with your dietitian online and message them anytime through the Nourish app. Nourish accepts hundreds of insurance plans. 94% of patients pay $0 out of pocket.
Find your personal dietitian at usenourish.com. That's usenourish.com.
Instacart's Deal Week is coming up from December 17th to December 23rd. That means you can get up to 25% off holiday gifts for the whole family from stores like Best Buy, Bath & Body Works, PetSmart, and more. And you can get delivery in as fast as 30 minutes. Just think of it as Instacart's little gift to you. And while we're on the subject, why not get a little something for yourself too?
Shop Deal Week from December 17th to 23rd and save up to 25% on gifts. Discounts vary, minimum spend, maximum discount, and exclusions apply.
All right. Now we're back. All right. All right. We got it. No problem. Don't worry about it. Christina here in studio with us. By the way, just doing a wonderful job. There's so many moving parts now to this whole thing.
Despite my snafu earlier. It's okay.
You know how many times we've done it? If we had never done it, I probably would be frustrated. But we have done it so many times that it's just part of the gig.
Yeah, we're really on season 10. We did it earlier today, too, so I don't feel that bad.
Christina and I recorded something twice today. All right, so we're back with Chuck. He is literally with the nicest guy in the world. They're about to tell us about, well, he started to tell us about his date, his blind date with this young lady. And we got to the part where he walked in the apartment and he saw a nude painting of another man. With a apparently very large penis. Here we go.
Who was the model for this particular painting?
Well, I went to an art school in Brentwood, and it was just one of the models that they have at the art school. But I guess I exaggerated some things.
Okay, she got creative.
Look!
Fuck, it's blushing.
I know. You know the people in the audience, they are freaking out.
The poetry.
Oh, Lord. You just walked in the door, John.
You just walked in the door and saw a picture of a penis.
The poetry.
The poetry. I thought he was going to say, you know what? My penis. I mean, honestly, you can't give this girl 15 minutes before you start dropping poetry on her. Man, the 80s were a different time because if this worked, if she goes on a second date with him, I'm going to be very surprised.
Not exactly the first thing that... Not the first thing that bounced into my mind.
No. He's a rapscallion, that John. Remember that.
No, I realize, with all due respect.
He does his little eye roll, too.
I know, he's got his little eyes. Those eyebrows move up and down, and they're accentuated by the world's largest eyebrows. So they just, you know, you can't help but notice. He's like a little kid. He's kind of cute.
So, uh... I recite a couple of poems, one about myself, and then that one special poem that I referred to earlier.
The one special poem?
The one that I wrote for The Lad of Love. What did you think of his poetry?
Oh, it was beautiful. It was warm and sensitive.
I'm here with you. I walked through the door. Did you know my penis hits the floor?
He's an excellent poet. I ain't hearing a poet here.
I can't believe it. Okay, so what happened next? Okay, well, we leave there, and we caught something to eat, and then we went back to her place. You caught something to eat?
I know. This talk's so weird.
Yeah. And she invited me in, and I had to get my, I had to let the jacket right there, and it happened to be in her bedroom. Wait, hold on. What happened to the rest of the date? I know.
You went and got something to eat. What happened there, John?
Caught something to eat that came back to her house. And then he had left his jacket in her bedroom.
That's weird.
While he went on the food alley. He was trying to get another look at that. He was.
Was the nude in the bedroom? In one of the doors. In the apartment. First of all, second of all, you were literally describing plants she had in her house. And you said, we went to eat. What happened? I know.
So, obviously, I had to go get my jacket. And I got my jacket, and we got back to the door. And so far, all we've really done is maybe hold hands because we don't want to rush these good dates.
What?
Oh, you need to savor it.
Yes. So far, all we've done is I brushed aside her, Chrissy, and I got an erection immediately. And you don't want to rush these things, you see. Yeah.
And so I said, well, I'll give her a little peck on the lips, you know. And a little peck on the lips got a little bit more, a little bit more. This jacket's really getting heavy on my arm.
This is the same guy who bruises because of country western dancing. You have to understand.
John hasn't been to a gym ever. Falls to the floor. And just so happens there's a chair there. Because you get tired if you stand up very long. When do you get tired if you stand up very long?
Who is this guy?
You sat down to kiss more?
Wait, does she sit on you? I don't know. Like a chair. Yeah. Geez, John. God. I thought you were a nice guy. Now you're just like a little hellcat waiting to be unleashed.
On the chair and we're still kissing. And we thought, well, this has been such a nice time. Maybe it's time to cool it. No, she thought this has been a nice time. Maybe it's time to cool it. That's basically when the date ended.
Okay, so you told us about none of the dates. So far, you walked in, saw a penis painting, caught something to eat, made out on a chair, and she told you enough is enough.
We both agree.
Okay. That's nice.
How would you sum up this video?
Well, when I came to Love Connection, I was looking for a handsome, intelligent man that was ambitious, and I found one. Wow.
There we go. They made a love connection. Wow. I found my dancing partner who does not have a boyfriend.
That's right. Let's see how good they were.
Oh, I knew they were going to pick one because of the dancing. Yeah, because of the dancing and because they're both very quiet in nature. 51%. He just gave the audience a scathing look. Yeah, he gave them the death stare. I think lasers came out of his eyeballs. That was crazy.
But if you want to take the audience's advice and take Tony out, you know, that's the one we'll pay for because that's who they suggested. If not, you're on your own. You can do what you want. I hope it's quite obvious by now that I would very much like to go out with Ellen. Actually, it is rather obvious.
Yeah, it's very obvious as much as it can be in 80s television that things have heated up between the two of you.
Come on out.
Come on down. Come on down. Get yourself a furry young man. She's lovely.
She's wearing a leather skirt, too.
I like it. She is lovely. Good for them. I actually wanted to see this work out for this guy because he really is a nice guy. He does seem like it. You don't, like... You would be hard-pressed to find somebody in 2024 that talks and acts like this. Hard-pressed.
Oh, yeah.
And while he may be a little, you know, maybe he's got old-world themes. This is the 80s, right? He's 40 years old in the early 80s, so. He's got his family crest on his pocket, for God's sake. The sundial crest.
Thanks for coming on the show. And we're going to come right back with another couple.
All right. There you go. Well, I feel really happy for John.
I'm really excited. I hope they worked out and had babies and their family crest can be passed down.
You know what? This is a couple that I probably would never find online because I don't think that John is the type of person who probably kept up with technology. But I do have to say, what a lovely couple. What a lovely, just like wholesome episode of the commercial break. How... Could we make it any nicer for you as we lead up into Christmas?
That's a feel-good story.
We didn't go for anybody. We've done so many love connections, and so many of the guys are just jerk-offs. Remember that one guy who was the guy who was like a bouncer at the door?
Yeah. Remember that?
And he was touching the ladies, and he was like, I date all night long, or whatever he said. I can keep going all night long. Yeah. So many of these guys were headed straight to Jerry Springer. But John was a nice, classic, wholesome young man. And that lady. Yeah, or jail. And that lady was so lovely. Nothing like parental control. Nothing at all. All right.
Well, listen, how much more damage can we do today? Honestly, let's quit while we're ahead. I do love a good love connection. I really do. It was part of my childhood. I remember my parents watching this show a lot because it was on during daytime TV. So you would get like, if you stayed home sick or you're on vacation, you would get Price is Right. You would get Love Connection.
You would get Judge Wapner. Yeah. In the 90s, you would get Oprah. It's something you would get. What time did Oprah come on? Four o'clock. Oprah's on. That's right. Four o'clock. You had to miss it. Can't miss television. Oprah. Oprah Winfrey. But Love Connection was one of mine. Love Connection was the one that I really loved. All right.
tcbpodcast.com that's where you go you find out more information about the show all the audio all the video right there at one location and now every single episode of the commercial break moving forward will be available on youtube the same day that it's available here on the audio feed spotify just a couple of days afterwards so please do us a favor go to the youtube channel subscribe like comment on your favorite video share if you dare share if you care
Or you can go to Spotify and watch those videos, like I said, just a couple of days after they drop here on the audio feed. Also, do us a favor. 212-433-3TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Would you be so kind as to text us comments, questions, concerns, content ideas? We take them all right there at that phone number. You can leave us a text message. You can leave us a voicemail.
We don't care how you do it. Just do it, please. At the commercial break on Instagram, TCB Podcast on TikTok, and again, YouTube.com. slash the commercial break. Also, because we know you're in the giving spirit, we certainly would appreciate it if you could spend a few bucks. If you want to give Chrissy and I something really special this holiday, you can do two things.
You can keep listening to the 12 Days of TCB and beyond. Follow us on your favorite podcast platform. But then secondly, you can donate a few bucks to one of the causes we've been talking about. St. Jude's Foundation, the National Breast Cancer Coalition Fund, the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, and the ASPCA. All of these organizations doing wonderful work. Spend a few dollars.
Make yourself feel good. It's tax deductible. Go straight to their website by clicking the link on the show notes. Thank you in advance. All right, Chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for now.
I think so.
But I will tell you that I do love you.
And I love you. Best to you. Best to you.
Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Happy holidays. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.
Today's podcast is Midi Health can help you achieve more effective and sustainable weight loss by addressing hormone imbalances. Midi can also prescribe proven weight loss medications that help you experience reduced appetite and increased feelings of fullness.
When paired with hormone optimization, you're not just managing your weight, you're also supporting your body's natural processes, which means you can overcome those weight loss plateaus that in the past have been so difficult to move beyond. So if you're ready to combine the power of hormones with the power of weight loss medications, visit joinmidi.com today.
Discover how this innovative approach can lead you to lasting success. That's joinmidi.com.
When you feel a cold coming, shorten it with Zycam, the number one cold shortening brand.
Oh no, not before the holidays.
Your cold is coming. Your cold is coming.
Thanks, Revere. I really should keep Zycam in the house.
Getting a cold is on no one's wish list.
Take it from America's most revered messenger. Shorten your cold at the first sign with cold shortening products from Zycam, the number one cold shortening brand. Available in stores or see where to buy at Zycam.com.
If you got a softie in your brain, you're going to have a softie in your pants. You know what I'm saying?