SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Thu, 01 May 2025
From their home studios, Kareem and Jay revisit banana hammocks, saying “congratulations” for birthdays, what Jay calls “summertime penis,” the politics of a Speedo, the dongs of various Greek gods, Lenny Kravitz’s ever-present bulge (and infamous dick slip), the demographics of what we’re calling “the hat draft,” funky ass white boys, the great new band The Paradox, aging into our true selves, the merits of customer loyalty, mushrooms as Unc drug, a defense of bisexuals, the FUBU resurgence, and–as always–Takes on Takes©. Host: Kareem Rahma Creators: Kareem Rahma and Andrew Kuo Editor and Sound Producer: Dale Eisinger Artwork: Andrew Lawandus Theme Music: Tyler McCauley Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Chapter 1: Who are the hosts of the Subway Takes podcast?
What the fudge is up, everyone? It's your boy Kareem Rahma with another episode of the Subway Takes podcast. Today I am joined by none other than the big eggplant emoji himself, big eggplant emoji packer, Jay Jordan. who has performed on The Tonight Show at least three times, has been seen on The Late Late Show with James Corden, Comedy Central.
Stephen Colbert was a writer on The Problem with Jon Stewart as a comedian, writer, actor. Jay Jordan, y'all.
Yes, you forgot Taurus. My birthday is coming up. Oh, shit. Congratulations.
Yeah. That's what I say to people. I say congratulations.
You know why? Because it deserves to be congratulatory. Make it in this world another year.
No, I agree. I mean, people always say happy birthday. I always say congratulations.
Thank you. That's very sweet of you. I'm happy to be back. Big eggplant. I would say... Above average eggplant, but based on my research over the past 15 years, there are much bigger and just, they're kind of, eggplants are all over the place. They are.
They're all over the place. They're all different shapes and sizes.
They really are. I found out about the Japanese eggplant. Oh, well, listen, well, I mean, the actual Japanese eggplant, but also for the for the kind of clarity of what we were doing. I've also seen those two. I've also seen Japanese. It wasn't even wasn't even pixelated.
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Chapter 2: What’s the significance of wearing a Speedo at the beach?
Chapter 3: Why do penises vary in appearance?
I mean, what kind of like low key? Do you want there to be a Fall Out Boy song called Wagwan? Is that what you need?
I want some Informa.
Or Snow. Remember Snow? You want Pete Wentz to say, me don't do them things there. You want that? I do. I would like that. I would like that.
I would hate it. Just a little bit of influence in the music. I mean, he doesn't need to go full.
He doesn't need to get dreads or anything, but I didn't know that.
I didn't know that black people have a connection with pop punk.
Yeah, black people love pop punk primarily because at that time, we still had a little bit of monoculture. So if you were a black kid who woke up and had to get ready for school, you were watching MTV or MTV2. And they would give you like you get one rap video, one pop video, one pop punk video, one alternative video. You would just get you would get all of it. So that's why.
That's why we love My Chemical Romance. My Chemical Romance loves black people so much, they named their second album, what? The Black Parade. When I talked to Gerard Way, he said he was going to call it the African American Parade, but I told him, no, no. Say black.
He released it during Black History Month.
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Chapter 4: What is the 'summertime penis' phenomenon?
But then I was like, oh, let me look and see if I can clean off my glasses with this napkin. Cut to 15 minutes later, Kareem, I'm still holding this napkin. I have become an old person that had a napkin.
You just had a napkin prepped.
I just had a paper towel situation walking around the airport wow at that point give me a chair to push me to my gate and wait and you were just holding this thing i held prepared prepared to wipe that's too oh i can't be there yet i can't i got to the delta lounge too early they told me i was too early i complained a little they let my old ass in
They said, sir, it's usually like three hours before the flight. This was in Atlanta. Also, I know I'm getting older because I go, okay, here's a nice one. This is the secret one in the cut. They got a new one. I'll tell you. You can tell your listeners. Actually, I'll do your listening this time. If you're ever going, if you ever fly Delta, Jackson-Hartsfield International, D-Gate, new Sky Club.
Brand new Sky Club. Go to it. It was so new. They had three extra very nice Atlanta black women there waiting. They didn't know what to do.
Oh, they didn't even have enough guests.
They didn't even have enough guests. It's just me and Tisha saying what's up. So go to D-Gate. D-Gate, that's a good one. Okay, here's a secret one. Oh, I actually love people putting up. So if you go to... is it's A Gates by the P.F. Chang that's up the escalator. That Delta Sky Club has a skylight, had some amazing pulled pork and green beans and macaroni and cheese when I was there.
That's a good one. That's a very good one. Some of the other ones, the T Gate one, Not so much. And I love you. I love Delta. You know, the play's been going up and coming down lately.
That's beautiful. You know what I love about Delta? I think that they have the number one customer service in the world. Yes. Out of all companies. You want to know why?
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Chapter 5: How does the Speedo relate to body confidence?
hot Mexican gay boys and while they do not represent all of Mexican culture they do take up a majority of my thoughts about it okay not me you can put okay watch this it could be BLM Bi, lesbian, Mexican, GT, gay, trans, or BLMTG. BLMTG. I like that.
And the BLM also doubles for it.
Yeah, yeah. This is nice. There it is.
Yeah, see, the shuffling of the acronym is a great idea.
BLM, Black Lives Matter. Oh, and bi, lesbian, Mexicans. By us, for us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For us, by us. I miss FUBU. It's back. Did you know? No. Okay, so it's back in a little... So, like, it came back a little bit secondary market. And then you know who really started rocking it again? Speaking of lesbians, Billie Eilish.
She was rocking FUBU?
Billie Eilish had, I think, one FUBU jersey on. Billie Eilish was kind of dressed like she was, like, a supporting character on Smart Guy for a couple of shows.
You can look it up. I'm about to because I feel like that's a very brave and bold choice for her to make.
Well, I mean, Billie Eilish's style was very urban, was very kind of 2000s street wear.
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