Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
Sat, 12 Apr 2025
Strange but true - people with difficult names to pronounce are discriminated against. It is often not intentional, but it happens. The result can be that you don’t advance personally or professionally just because people have trouble saying your name. This episode begins by taking a look at this problem and what you can do to help yourself if your name is tough to say out loud. https://www.newyorker.com/tech/annals-of-technology/the-power-of-names When you think about it, some of the most successful people you meet appear to have a lot of confidence. It’s an attractive quality when we see it in others and many of us wish we had more of it ourselves. Is there a way to authentically build up your confidence? There is according to my guest Lydia Fenet who is here to tell you how. Lydia is an ambassador for the famous auction house Christie’s and she is an auctioneer and professional speaker. She is also author of the book Claim Your Confidence (https://amzn.to/3GQu8ZS). Everyone procrastinates. After all, what could be easier than NOT doing something? Still, procrastination often turns out to be a lousy strategy. Joining me to help us all understand why we procrastinate and how to stop doing it is Hayden Finch PhD. Hayden is a licensed clinical psychologist, behavior change expert, and author of the book The Psychology of Procrastination (https://amzn.to/41Ik0ua). If you tend to procrastinate you will want to hear what she says – either now or you can put it off and listen later! We all talk to ourselves inside our own heads but there are some real benefits to talking to yourself out loud even though other people may think you are a little weird. Listen and I will explain one of those important benefits. https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/04/120417221613.htm PLEASE SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS!!! FACTOR: Eat smart with Factor! Get 50% off at https://FactorMeals.com/something50off TIMELINE: Get 10% off your order of Mitopure! Go to https://Timeline.com/SOMETHING INDEED: Get a $75 sponsored job credit to get your jobs more visibility at https://Indeed.com/SOMETHING right now! SHOPIFY: Nobody does selling better than Shopify! Sign up for a $1 per-month trial period at https://Shopify.com/sysk and upgrade your selling today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Chapter 1: Why can having a difficult-to-pronounce name hold you back professionally?
oftentimes happens from pushing yourself into the places that make you a little uncomfortable, that you learn how much you're capable of. And it allows you to grow and really grow into the confidence that I believe we all have within us.
Do you know, I don't know if you've done the research or know the research, but how people feel generally about their confidence? Do they wish they had more? Do they think they're fine? Just what's the general sense?
I was on book tour for my first book and the word confidence was something that I heard almost every time I had a question and answer session. So anytime I would get up and say, you know, at the end of a speech, does anyone have any questions? One of the first questions I would get was always, how are you so confident? Or, Where did you become so confident?
Or most often, do you have imposter syndrome? And if so, how did you get rid of it? Or how can I get rid of it? So to answer your question, I think most people don't have it. Or if they did have it when COVID came along, I think a lot of people lost it.
So this is the time that we all have the opportunity to reclaim it and to claim what we might have had once in our lives that we didn't feel like we had anymore. Yeah.
And so if you have confidence, what is it? What does it feel like to be a confident person?
I think confidence feels like you are entirely sure of who you are. So if you walk into a room, you're not thinking to yourself, oh gosh, is everyone thinking that I'm not supposed to be here? Or if someone makes a comment about you that you overhear something that isn't necessarily kind, it doesn't affect you because you realize that that's about them, not about you.
It's being comfortable in your own skin and confident in the person that you are at that moment, regardless of what other people around you think or frankly, what other things happen around you.
I love that definition. That's perfect. But here's the thing. All of those things that you just described of hearing a comment about you, of walking into a room and thinking this, that describes probably 90% of every teenager in high school. They all feel that way. But there's always those kids in high school or junior high school who seem to have it all together.
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Chapter 2: How can you authentically build and claim your confidence?
because that confidence propels you to try things and not to care so much about the result, but really understand that it's more about the journey. So a lot of times, I believe people who've been through really difficult things often have more confidence than people who don't, because they've already seen that they can stand up again, they can keep going.
And as a result of that, it makes them stronger. If you think about someone who's an ultra athlete or somebody who has exceeded all expectations of what their career should be, they're probably a pretty confident person because they've been knocked down a lot to get to that point.
Athletes will stand on top of the Olympic gold medal podium holding that gold medal, but at the end of the day, how many defeats went into that to get them there? Many, right? But they've overcome it and they've learned from it. So I would think that there are certainly some people who are born with the you know, Teflon skin, nobody can knock them down.
But I also believe that there are a lot of people who through small actions over the course of their life have built up confidence and can take that confidence with them wherever they go.
It sounds as if what you're saying is that confidence comes as the result of what you do throughout your life. It's your life experience that will boost your confidence. But how do you deliberately try to get it rather than just wait for things to happen? How do you go out and try to deliberately boost your confidence?
I think it really comes down to pushing yourself outside of the things that make you feel comfortable. So let's say that you're a person, and I often say this because I teach a lot of people how to do public speaking, that if you're a person who's scared of public speaking and you feel like you have no confidence when you get on stage with a microphone, what is the thing that you don't want to do?
Get on stage with a microphone. So what you should do is get up every single time you have the opportunity to stand up in front of a group of two people, in front of a group of 10 people. You should, if you have the opportunity, take a class to make yourself try anything. and feel that failure or feel that greatness in either side, just keep practicing.
Because again, that's where confidence comes from. You don't get confident when you're at the top of the mountain, you get confident learning how to get there. And once you get there, because you're up there, you've realized that you've dealt with all of these issues to get yourself to the top.
And all of that learning has allowed you to be confident and to continue being confident throughout your life. So whatever it is that you're not confident about, if you don't feel it at all, start pushing yourself to try something that you don't think you can do. Because honestly, I think a lot of times we'll surprise ourselves.
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Chapter 3: What are practical steps to deliberately boost confidence?
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So Lydia, you talk about how action leads to action. And I've always found that one of the ways to never get anywhere is to never do anything and to just sit and think about it. And there is something very powerful about doing almost anything in the direction of what you're trying to do because it starts the momentum.
It makes you feel like you're doing something which makes you do more things, it seems to me.
Yes, I completely agree with that on every level. And I think that anytime you have a business, for the people out there who own their own business, I give this amazing example in my book of a friend of mine during COVID who was an artist and was so paralyzed with fear about money during COVID as many people were. She was thinking to herself, my art is not in these galleries anymore.
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Chapter 4: How does the connection between competence and confidence work?
At the end of the day, if you're living the life you want and the life that you want to create for yourself, it's going to happen. It's going to be part of it. It happens to all of us. But be confident that that does not define you. That's just part of your journey. So embrace it. And remember, nine no's, one yes. And then if two people say yes out of 10, you're incredibly excited.
Talk about the imposter syndrome, because I think that's a big problem for a lot of people. I think more people than care to admit it.
Absolutely. And going back to what I said, it's something that I hear at almost every Q&A. It doesn't matter, man, woman, age, it has no boundaries, really. So imposter syndrome is that feeling you get when you walk into a room and you think you shouldn't be there because everyone around you is much smarter or better or has a better opinion than you do. And
Sometimes you might be right, but you're not helping yourself by thinking that about yourself. So what I say in my chapter on imposter syndrome is because I'm an auctioneer, I use acronyms that have gavel related moments. So I say to slam it down. And that can be summed up in four letters, S-L-A-M, slam. So the first slam.
Stop counting yourself out before you've even had the chance to get in the room. I'm sure you've heard this, Mike. I've heard this from so many accomplished friends over the course of my life. When someone puts them up for something, an award or a promotion, they're the first one to back out of it. No, no, no, I could never do that. I don't even really know how. No, I...
There's a reason someone's put your name forward. Step into that role. You will learn it. Step into that moment. You will take it. Don't be the person who counts yourself out before you even have a chance to get in the room. The L is for listen. Listen to what someone is saying, not what you think they're saying.
So the next time you find yourself going into a negative spiral because someone has said something that you perceive as negative, instead of putting a tail on the end of it that's negative, turn it into a positive spin. So... In my own experience, I had three children in four years. So I was on maternity leaves three out of four years.
And as you can imagine, it becomes a very uncomfortable thing because you just assume that everyone around you is thinking that you're not good at your job anymore. You're not doing it. Plus, you have this incredible child, children at home where you're trying to balance everything. And it's a lot of work, especially those very early years.
And I remember going back to work and someone said to me as I was walking through the office, hey, it's so good to see you back here again. And I remember thinking, oh my God, they must be thinking that they haven't seen me and that's why they said that. And then I just went into this negative spiral about how I'd had three children so quick.
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Chapter 5: What is imposter syndrome and how can you overcome it?
Chapter 6: How does taking action create momentum in building confidence?
Do you think most people, if they're confident, are confident in all areas of life because it's just a mindset or they're confident in the thing they're confident in but the rest of their life could be falling apart?
I think that you can be confident in certain areas of your life and not confident in others. I mean, I've certainly seen that with people who are confident in their work life, but maybe not so much in their personal life. But again, I think at some point it all starts to blend together.
Maybe not when you're 18 years old, but as you move through your life into your late 20s and 30s and 40s and 50s and beyond, I do believe that all of those things are do inform one another. Like you can't be confident at work unless you are somewhat confident personally, because you can't walk into a room and own a room unless you're feeling confident on the inside.
And that's what you're going to need to do to succeed in work. So I do believe that you can have confidence that ebbs and flows in certain areas. And I do think that that's something that happens with confidence in general. It goes and comes. But as long as you are propelling yourself forward to try new things and to push yourself out of your comfort zone,
you will be able to maintain confidence in every facet of your life.
Which is exactly what people would love to do, would love to have, is that level of confidence. I've been speaking with Lydia Finette, and she is author of a book called Claim Your Confidence. If you'd like to check that book out, there is a link to it in the show notes. Thanks so much, Lydia. Appreciate your time.
I appreciate your time, Mike. Thank you so much. This was such an incredible interview.
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Chapter 7: Can confidence vary across different areas of life?
Are procrastinators, I don't know if you've ever looked at this, are procrastinators typically people who are late and or are late people typically procrastinators?
I think the second might be truer than the first. People who struggle with punctuality tend to also struggle with timeliness in other parts of their lives. It's just a difficulty with perceiving time in general. But people who are procrastinators don't necessarily struggle with punctuality necessarily. Their procrastination may show up with other things in life.
Because one of the things that seems to happen with people who are chronically late that I've noticed, and I'm not typically one of them, I like to be on time. I notice that people who are late... don't learn from their lateness and then they're on time the next time because they learned, oh, this is going to take longer than I thought. They're always late. They never get it.
And I wonder, is that the same thing with procrastinators? Do they not learn this would have been a lot easier if I had done this sooner and so next time I will?
There is definitely something to that. You would think that if I do something and I get a less than ideal outcome, that I would learn from that experience and change my behavior the next time. And that is true in some areas of life. For a certain group of people, and especially people who are habitual procrastinators, that tends to not follow.
And so for people who just kind of like periodically procrastinate, yes, like that is probably what keeps them in that periodically procrastinating group of people. The folks who struggle with this habitually probably aren't learning from that experience. And my hypothesis is because they're actually learning something different.
So rather than learning like, oh, like that was that didn't turn out well, I should do that next time. They're actually learning something different, like, well, at least I didn't have to deal with that for a month in prepping for this project or this performance. At least I just had to deal with that for a week or something.
And so there's some other message that they're learning or some sort of like very strong emotional experience that's keeping that behavior pattern alive, even though it doesn't make good rational sense.
it just seems that there are people, I guess I'm one of them. I certainly don't do things early necessarily. I'm not one of those people. I don't know. I imagine it's somewhat of a sliding scale that you're not either a procrastinator or you're not. It's just, it's where you fall on the scale. And, and, And I'm okay with it. I mean, it seems to work for me.
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