A woman's 74 year-old father has started dating a 19 year-old woman, and no one in her family besides her is batting an eye. She is horrified and refuses to meet the lass or speak to her father until the relationship ends. Is she being too harsh? A British poly man has an American girlfriend who comes to visit now and again. She asked him to take her to a sex party, but there's a hitch. She screams to kingdom come during sex. The caller is worried that his more reserved British sex party compatriots will find her conduct unseemly. On the Magnum, Dan simply couldn't resist bringing on Sunshyne for a "What Are You Doing?" Sunshyne is a shaggy haired, muppet-faced adonis! He models for multi-national corporations AND has a fin-dom hustle on the side. He and Dan talk about his work, how he got there, and whether women or men give better head. A gay man and his boyfriend do not agree about sex. His boyfriend wants monogamy and routine, unadventurous sex. The caller yearns for more sex, and more variety. His boyfriend reluctantly agreed to let him see other people, but only if he uses a condom and tells him every time. But when he does tell, his boyfriend freaks out. So the caller has been sneaking around, seeing sex workers, without using condoms. How can they reconcile? Spoiler! They probably can't. [email protected] 206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Dame Products, Sex toys designed by Women, For Women. For 20% off your first order, go to Dame.com and use offer code SAVAGE20 This episode is brought to you by Feeld, a dating app where the open-minded can meet the like-minded. Download Feeld on the App Store or Google Play. This episode is brought to you by Blueland. Going eco has never been easier. Revolutionary, refillable cleaning essentials eliminating single-use plastic. Right now, get 15% off your first order by going to Blueland.com/Savage Dan Savage is a sex-advice columnist, podcaster, author, and creator of the It Gets Better Project. From sex parties, to pegging, gay rights to monogamy and with a dose of progressive politics, Dan Savage has been cultural force for sex positivity since the 1800s.
Chapter 1: What is the main topic of this episode?
You're listening to the Savage Lovecast, Dan Savage's sex and relationship show for grown-ups. If you're under 18, get out of here, young'un.
If you're stuck in a relationship quandary Or if you're looking for sexual harmony Well, there's nothing you can't ask On the Savage Lovecast
Chapter 2: How is a viral video affecting HUD employees?
Whenever I want to talk at the top of the show about a viral video, Nancy reminds me that podcasting is not a visual medium and people can't see the video I'm talking about. And she's right. Nancy is always right about everything.
But in this instance where I'm going to talk about a viral video at the top of the show, I'm really glad I can't show it to you because if you haven't seen it, consider yourself lucky. I saw it. I wish I could unsee it. And everyone who works at HUD, the Department of Housing and Urban Development, saw it yesterday. I'm sure they all wish they could unsee it too.
It was the first day everyone at HUD, per Elon Musk's orders, had to be back in the office five days a week. And when I say everyone at HUD saw this video, I mean everyone. This short AI generated video played for five world without end minutes on repeat on every video monitor in the building.
And I made the news, which is how those of us who don't work at HUD got to see it or were forced to see it. What the video shows in an extreme close-up is Donald Trump on his knees worshiping Elon Musk's feet, sucking Musk's big toe.
And superimposed over the video are the words, long live the real king, which is a reference to something Trump posted last week where he described himself as the king. I had two intrusive thoughts while I watched this video. First, Musk appears to have two right feet. His big toes are on the left side of both of his feet, which confusingly makes them two right feet.
Look down at your right foot and you will see that your big toe is on the left side of your right foot and your big toe is on the right side of your left foot. Both of Musk's toes are on the right side. So clearly some bugs left to work out with AI generated foot fetish video technology. The other thought, in addition to, blech, was how did this video play?
How did it go over with, I mean, foot fetishists who have to see their kink, a hugely important part of their sexuality, used in this way, instrumentalized in this way, to demean a public figure? The hope here, of course, what motivated whoever made this video, is that the shame, the shame of being associated with something so depraved
will drive a wedge between Trump and Musk and get us to the inevitable rupture in their relationship maybe a little sooner. Now, for some foot fetishists, shame is definitely part of the turn-on or it's bound up with it. But that's not true for all foot fetishists. Being into shame and degradation is its own kink. Being into feet, however, is just one of the many forms partialism takes.
Partialism, a sexual interest or attraction to a particular part of the body. No one says that a person with a thing for boobs or butts, also partialisms, are perverts. And yet I've seen a thing for feet defined as the most common form of sexual fetishism for otherwise non-sexual objects or non-sexual body parts.
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Chapter 3: Why is a 74-year-old dating a 19-year-old causing family drama?
But I think you're wrong to refuse to see your father to not get in there because as squeaky as it might be to have to interact with him and his new girlfriend now, it's
The shit show, as you described this as a shit show, the shit show that it's going to be on your hands if this woman is indeed a scammer is going to be so much worse, so much greater, so much bigger a shit show six months from now or a year from now. If this woman manages to get away with whatever it is this woman might be and who knows, might not be trying to get away with.
If I were you, I would be grossed out, uncomfortable, worried, concerned, and there. One of the things I would be there to do is to look that person in the eye so that they understood that their new boyfriend, my elderly father... had people who were looking out for him and scrutinizing her.
Zooming out for a second, talk generally about how relationships with significant age gaps should come in for a higher degree of scrutiny. And it's usually the older person we're talking about coming in for that scrutiny.
And an older person who's with a much younger person in a committed romantic relationship that might be annoying or upsetting to some people in that younger person's life should welcome the scrutiny. You should invite the scrutiny. and answer the questions that the people concerned for your much younger partner might have for you, their family members, their parents, whatever.
This is a case where, because I think the age difference, because we're talking about a 74 year old with a 19 year old with a kid that if her motives are pure, if this is somehow a love at true sight, star crossed lovers, wouldn't it be better if they'd met 50 years ago when they're roughly the same age and some alt universe would have been better, but there's actually real affection there.
Probably not, but who knows? Anything is possible. If she is there with good and pure motives, when you show up and you look her in the eye and say, I have concerns and what the fuck she will want to have that conversation with you. She will want to address your concerns and she will tell you what the fuck. And if she won't, that's a bad sign. And you can carry that bad sign.
to your father and attempt to shake it in front of him or shake him in front of it and bring him to his senses at the very least convince him not to sign anything over, not to leave anything laying around, not to change his will and not to marry the child. This episode is brought to you by Dame Products.
We just found out that Dame Products can't advertise on platforms like Meta because apparently sexual wellness is still taboo or taboo again. That just makes me love Dame Products even more. Dame is a company founded by women for women. Their products are designed for real people and rigorously tested for comfort, innovation, and inclusivity.
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Chapter 4: What should you do if your partner's loudness at sex parties makes you uncomfortable?
Even condoms, of course, there's the risk of the skin-to-skin sexually transmitted infections that most sexually active gay men have already been exposed to by your stage of life anyway. So I don't think too tremendous a concern, HPV or herpes, but still a concern. But if you end up giving him gonorrhea...
That's because you had sex with somebody else who gave you gonorrhea, not using a condom, even if you were on PrEP. So he's going to find out sooner or later. And the longer this goes on, the worse it's going to be for you. You tried to have that conversation with him about why you wanted to open the relationship. You had that conversation with him about why you wanted to open the relationship.
You want more sexual excitement. You want more novelty. And he agreed reluctantly and then did that thing that some people who agree reluctantly to open the relationship will do, which is to make one of the rules.
I have to know you have to tell me you have to disclose and then retaliate after a disclosure by blowing the fuck up about the fact that you slept with somebody else or you did it wrong or was the wrong time or you did this one tiny little thing wrong. And then that's just drama. They get to scream and yell at you.
about how you did this thing they told you that you could do if you did it perfectly, which, of course, you never quite managed to do. It's a particularly volatile way pudness expresses itself. Somebody who is poly or open under duress, they agreed because they want to stay in the relationship, but they're angry about it.
And so they punish the person who issued the open or over ultimatum that they accepted, but are still angry about. And it's untenable. The relationship can't go on like this forever. And I think you know that. And you're creating all sorts of. Trails of evidence here, the 30 hours on Grindr, text messages, making appointments with sex workers, paying sex workers.
I don't know if you're using PayPal or a cash app or your credit card, but that's evidence that he might stumble over. But the biggest risk here is you're having unprotected sex with other men after promising him that if you had sex with other men, you would use condoms.
and you are not using condoms and having sex with sex workers and other gay men, your risk of acquiring a sexually transmitted infection and passing it on to your boyfriend, which is probably not something your relationship could come back from, is really high. I think you just have to have the conversation again.
I think you need to go to him and say, look, these rules that we set out to allow for me to have sex with other people, which I require to be content in our relationship are unworkable and unworkable by design. I don't think leave that out. Don't say to him unworkable, but design that's me talking to you. They're kind of unworkable by design.
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