WATCH Big Jay's New Special 'Them' Out on YouTube Now!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T12MMZ69Z2Y Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Listen to Legion of Skanks and The Bonfire Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Go See Jason Live @ https://www.bigjaycomedy.com/ Yo0o0o. tgif everybody. This week Big Jason joins the broadcast (tbqh it was two weeks ago bcuz we stacked up so shang could focus on snl stuff). Regardless, pipin hot cast. What else would you expect. Go watch Jay's spesh now if you haven't already. Please enjoy. God Bless. This video is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/MSSP Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Chapter 1: What are the hosts' experiences with bidets?
What, the bidet? I haven't tried one yet, but I have. You haven't tried it yet? I haven't tried one yet, but I have. I can't use... Rogan's studio has them. They have the heated toilet seats and shit. Yeah, the ones I got have that. But I've never used it and I'm still nervous because the place I got, I can't use wipes. You can't put them in the septic tank. So like, I got bidets, but...
Still nervous. Why? Everyone says it's great.
It's the best. You never used one?
I haven't moved in yet. Never used one ever now. Damn, that's crazy. But also the places they tell me they have. They had Gas Digital at them. I know. That was the first place I ever used them. When people say that, that's always the funniest thing to me. They go, dude, they have it at Gas Digital. You haven't used it at Gas Digital? No, I've never shit right next to the studio at Gas Digital.
I've shit in there like 10 times. Well, it was always because you do Real Ass Podcasts. It's at 11 a.m. Sure.
For me, that's early.
I have to wake up at like 9. Mm-hmm. And I was always late. So you got to get that morning dump when you get to the studio. And then bidet. And then you go, I've never tried this. It's this button. It's close. You had the mothership. God damn it. And was it awesome? You can't believe the accuracy. So why don't you? I thought it was going to hit me.
It does start every time, no matter what. I go, ooh. When it first gets me, I jump a little and go, ooh.
It's a nice treat. Bobby Kelly described it. He goes, you're waiting for which I understand what he's saying. You're lining it up with the remote control until you hear like to go from like when your asshole starts accepting it. Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty nice. Listen, I'm excited to try it. I just I don't I still don't fully get it. It's just water.
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Chapter 2: How do comedians come up with their material?
I see the concept, but how could it be strong enough that you're really getting that clean? Oh, it's hitting you, bro. It's strong, bro. Dude, if you moved, it would go like seven feet in the air. Really? Yeah, I think it fucking launches in your ass.
I would say about official gauge, about a super circa 50. Yeah.
25, 25, 25, 25.
My bad. I'd say 25, 50.
Come on, man.
Are you trying to catch a lawsuit? Yeah, 25, 50 is crazy. Yeah, I'd say the yellow, the yellow and green one. Yeah, true. The basic one.
Yeah, Toys R Us basic. But no, it hits you, man. I would advise you to start cold. Warm's kind of indulgent. Warm's borderline sexual.
Warm's sexual.
Warm water hitting you is like you might as well fap. It's kind of sexual. So start cold. Matt, you couldn't be closer to the truth.
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Chapter 3: What was Big Jay Oakerson's experience as a driver for strippers?
I told her before we went in, and three times I saw her elbow move, and I said, I will fucking storm out. I want that.
i will it's just like we could have that it is it's kind of a girl trap because it's like they pop shit you know confetti on you and it's like you know the pricing makes no sense it's perfect for them yeah like thirty thousand dollars yes it's like you know i i was what are the objects the objects they were like pretty intense vacations and they will be like the sleeps like 18 people so i guess you could try to get people in on it but just it was vacations um what else was it
It was like trips. There was a quail hunting trip or dove hunting trip in South Africa. You could go shoot birds in South Africa.
$50,000.
Honey, you want to go to Turks and Caicos.
Yes, yes, let me. Let's get 20 of our friends.
You have to sort that out so much before you raise your hand.
Dude, it was intense. Everybody I know will go to that.
Yeah. What did I say?
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Chapter 4: How did Big Jay Oakerson end up dressed as Elmo?
I remember asking the guy one time, like, how the fuck? Yeah. It's like, am I the only... And I feel like I'm in danger a lot. And he was like, well, they have guns. Like, you don't have a gun? And I was like, no. And he was like, do you want one? And I was like... No. And he's like, you sure? I'm like, yeah, dude, because I get too nervous.
I'm going to pull out way too early because I'll be nervous. It's always like 15 guys, you know what I mean? I've had him say things like, you're supposed to stop us if we do anything. And I'd be like, yeah, me and this guy are supposed to stop us. I'd be in a circle already pointing at everybody. Trying to John Wick both hands. Yeah, it was terrifying. You said a bachelor party in the Poconos.
No, I was always last. Same company as the one I did the dressing up at kids' parties for.
That was the funniest. What? Hold on. I know you've told this story a million times, but can you please tell us that story? Which? The dressing up and... There's a couple of them. The Elmo.
Yeah, the Elmo is... the elmo yeah just let me get that story that was the first one they sent me to the guy was like hey if you want to make more money i also during the day the stripper company does kids parties where you dress up as the costumes same guy you go to the same guy's house with his fucking koi pond and pick up the fucking bag uh the trash bag mind you full of costume that was like
Not the licensed ones, I guess you'd say. You know, they were like shitty costumes. Yeah, knock off Elmo's. So I was Elmo, and they sent me, I was the last call for the stripper thing and this. Like, you know, we need somebody. Our main guys can't do it. So I always got the shittiest gigs, and I mean, like, real, like, North Philly, like, scary places to go. And I went as Elmo right away.
No one's happy to see me. They're like, why is a white guy with a garbage bag coming to our front door? And, uh, then they let me in and I was like, yeah, I'm doing the, I'm doing, I'm here for the kids, but you know, I'm going to go, all right, go change in the back. It's sweltering hot. It's like summertime. I put on the Elmo costume and then I come out to start day and they, I, uh,
Tell him, like, you know, the lady was yelling at me to do the hokey pokey. But I was giving her, I gave her, like, a CD you have to, like, put in. And she was like, we ain't got no player here. Just do the hokey. She kept yelling, do the hokey pokey. Which is a funny thing to be yelled at. And, you know, I got a little screen.
I'm like, miss, it's sort of the closer, you know, like the hokey pokey with all the kids. And then, whatchamacallit, this little girl, this little black girl, like, barrettes her. She was so cute. Like, it was a moment where I was like, oh, this is cool. Like, this kid. Because she did, like, the hug. She hugged my leg and loved you, Elmo.
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Chapter 5: What unexpected encounters occur at bachelor parties?
It's coming.
It's coming.
It's coming. Sorry, guys. Got to do some light belt sanding. Yeah, it's on me. Hand up accountability. Honestly, I was told they'd be out of here.
It's all good. It's all good.
So yeah, the first car I ever drove, we went to this place. She said she was controlling the room, which I thought was like, again, I just thought she was pretty. So I was just like, and I'm the person driving her. So you're like, am I falling in love with this girl? And she looks good. And then she starts doing this thing that's so raunchy.
But again, I liked her so much that I thought it was a brilliant business thing. I've talked about this where I'm like, smart move. This is called something in business, what she just did. What was she up to? She would go, all right, guys, we're playing this game. $5, $10, or $20. And it was like for $5. So she rolls it up like a Coke straw, whatever you give her.
and then she'll put it, like, in her pussy, basically. But she keeps her fingers, like, at the base. Do you know what I mean? And so it's, like, for $5, she puts it in a little bit. For $10, a little bit more. And you take it out with your mouth out of her pussy. You're making the right face. If you were wondering if you were making the right face, you are.
How's it going?
He goes, okay. Well, here's the problem with any kind of story of a bachelor party. Your mindset there will tend to be different, I think. You know what I mean? When everyone's involved, you're hearing it later, you're like, ugh, money in a pussy and then money in my mouth? Like, all those things are wrong. And then my mouth near money near a hooker pussy? This is all bad. But...
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Chapter 6: How did BetterHelp sponsorship get integrated into the podcast?
like soft core you're saying or just but yeah yeah they weren't even doing anything it was just maybe just the naked women's stuff but i mean like just all of it's gotten so like uh like the fact that anyone can go back and be like what would i read like dude maxim magazine has the 50 hottest bikini babes pictorial like who gives a shit yeah it's like there's a girl this pretty taking a dump in a sink on the internet
And I can eat it if I join her. I can get a vial of it sent to my house. I'm going to suck that vial down. I'm interviewing in a few weeks, I believe, where we got Farrah Abraham. And I told the person who's sending her to us. I did some research. That's MTV's teen mom. Oh. And then she started doing, like, porn. She did a couple porn videos, like pro porn videos.
Then she started doing, like, cam stuff. But then, Lemaire, you're familiar with this. Then she took a video of herself for somebody taking a dump. I don't know where this dump was inside of her tiny body.
She smoked out a toilet.
She smoked one out for the OF. She shits right on the floor, like an animal. It is a shit I've watched so many times because it's fascinating. It's like a cork pops, like one little shit comes out, and then two straight feet of connected shit
Do you have this on your phone?
Yeah, somewhere.
Because I'd like to take a look at this dump. So she's segued teen moms into her OnlyFans. I mean, she's proud.
What does she know? She's still a teen mom. She's probably in her 30s. She's in her 30s. But now she's... She dropped her magnum opus. She's doing stand-up comedy. What? Obviously. So her first time stand-up comedy is going to be at a strip club in New York, so she's coming on the bonfire to promote it. That's so sick. And I told the person, I was like, first thing I'm asking about is this dump.
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Chapter 7: What are the challenges of dealing with plumbing issues during a podcast?
When he leaves... Yeah, I'm sorry. He runs around like the little guys in Halo? He does.
It's like... He does. Oh, God. He never quite gets it. Yeah. As soon as they leave the first time, the same night, they just, to see if they can, they just message him back and they go... They go, sorry about that. That was my uncle. That was my uncle. He gets really pissed off. And he was like... That was weird. And then she was like, yeah, but it's okay. He's going back to England tomorrow.
He's clearly just an American guy. It's okay. He's going back to England tomorrow. He goes, okay, well, I mean, I still love you. Like, am I going to get to see you? And then they just do it again. The fourth time they catch him at a car dealership. And he's getting out of his car and he goes, are you a... And they go, hey, Jason. And he doesn't recognize him. He's retarded. He goes, oh, hey.
And he goes... And he goes, what are you here for? He goes, to get a car. He goes, would you like to get a 13-year-old car? And he goes, what? He goes, are you here for a 13-year-old? He goes, no! And he starts running for his life. He's like, get out of here! Get out of here! And that's the one where the cops show up and they go, yo, stop. Block his number. What are you doing?
Like, leave this guy alone. He's never gotten any pussy, kid or otherwise.
Yeah, he should trap it. Leave the man alone. That's really fucked up. They should have a clause. Like, they should amend the law and be like, if you are... You know, an R-rated midge. They should just go. That's up to the parents' discretion.
I mean, it's really... Isn't he a good high school sweetheart? You should be allowed to. This is my prom date.
No! No! Get him out of here.
Just bust him at prom ten times. Taking the prom picture, and we got him. No! No! Now we're just fucking with you. Get out there and dance again.
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