Big Jay Oakerson
Appearances
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
I want to hire this guy to go to malls with me and try on clothes so I don't have to be embarrassed first. Do I look good in this? Your set was very funny, but mostly I was thinking, like, I guess I could pull off a white track suit. It was fun to find out. We look great, dude. Fuck the haters.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
Hey, man, I'll be honest with you. I could be another friend. And honestly, if my dick hits the Pringles, I'll eat the first few. Whatever comes out of my pre-jizz, I'll eat.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
You got to push it down a little. Are you happy about the news? I feel like you said it like you just got terrible news.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
Clearly, I'm not a good Jew. He's like, 23 and me called. They wouldn't give you the results. They were like, no, you got to come in. What? I just want to know, am I Irish or what? He goes, we just need you to come to the office, please. I've got terrible news for you. Put your house in order. You're Jewish.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
Wow. What he's trying to say politely, Tony, is these girls are fat.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
There's a black prostitute in the green room controlling it from her phone right now.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
Yeah. Miles has to, you got to give context to your things before you say them. They didn't get that basketball reference. When you said J-O-I, I knew what you meant, but I'm a piece of shit. And a lot of the crowd didn't, but it is a weird way when you give, it's too common for you. That's more the thing you worry about when you say things like that.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
Like I was giving a girl a French toaster the other day and just moving on from it without explaining that.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
Yeah, is that what I was gonna say? Is that what black people think dads do?
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
Rubbing the old clit. I don't know. Rub it till it feels good.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
That's the vibe I got when you said I'm Jewish, and one guy wooed, and then someone shut him down. He was like, woo, and somebody went...
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
You moved to Korea because you wanted to try anal. That's... Low-risk anal.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
What a dream. That guy had 40 years of being single without having to go through divorce or nothing, dude. Incredible.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
I thought she was going to say an Edward joke or something.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
Absolutely. We know. He just did the tour of Jewish work.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
Is this your Trumpson office? No, I don't want to fuck guys anymore.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
That's a crazy thing to do alone, yourself, and super crazy to do while on the phone. Yeah.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
She's trying to live on the edge. It's the one step between this and suicide.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
Yell at me ears a lot. You should be better, you piece of shit.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
I'll tell you what, the answer to the question, why are your bangs like that, it just brings up more questions. Someone's like, hey, why are your bangs like that? You go, oh, it was on the phone. And you just keep moving on. They're going to be like, that's...
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
I thought at any given moment she was going to tear her clothes off and have furs murder written on her body or something. I'm using your platform.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
I feel like she's just going to be practicing lines. She's going to say, you just fucked with the wrong bulb. No.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
What are you doing, twin desert eagles under the fucking things? What'd you pull on this guy?
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
Wow. So you had to aim low. Yeah. Yeah. My face is up here, Juan. It was Miguel, but yes. Ah. Did you kill him?
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
Aw. What happened? Hey, as long as you did your best, kiddo, we're still going to go to Pizza Hut. We'll still go to Pizza Hut.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
Live mas. Hey, Pedro, the wall's that way. Damn. It does make it better.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
Did your bullet hit the string of bullets that he had crossing over his head? And then the one that was smoking from the hole in his 10-gallon hat.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
So I've never wished more that I had a laser pointer to just quietly. Dude, dude, dude.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
I still got one good arm, you fucking whore. They went right through my skinny body.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
Do you think maybe you should get a dog instead of all those cats?
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
This guy definitely plays guitar to a corpse. just changes her clothes every day.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
If you had cereal money and milk money... You were getting heroin.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
Did you ever go and attack people and murder with him?
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
Oh, yeah, I did. There was a pentagram on the floor, too. Like, it was like, yeah, that was kind of weird, I guess.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
He's got a lot of family that's still worried about him a lot.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
I'm happy to be back, man. Austin, Texas. A bunch of fucking weirdos across the street at a bar, right? Yep.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
You do have the energy with the audience of like, look, I'm just trying to get my life together. My wife had a kid while I was in prison. I'm just trying to do the right thing in life. And if you don't laugh, I'm going to go back to murdering whites. Not just whites. Nice.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
I like the energy of it was like, this guy thinks he's having a heart attack.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
One person in the universe was excited to meet somebody on the luge team. And instead of embracing that moment of like, well, this is beautiful... He shoved the kid down and they, for no reason at all, brought the mother to watch and then threw her, if I'm understanding correctly, and then threw her into the snow. He's like, fuck you, you dumb bitch. That's what you get for... We're USA luge.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
Like, fuck you. Fuck you and your stupid baby. USA luge.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
He's like, oh, my God. He's like, get the fuck off me. Oh, my God. If I had a dime for every goddamn kid who wants to be my child because I'm just a luge guy coming through town, man, okay? I'm like anybody else.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
He's also dressed very sharp, but at the same time looks like a figment of an imagination.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
That was like coming out of a stupor when you said that. I was hit by an 18-wheeler on a motorcycle.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
But you look good. You also have a Norman Bates relationship with your mother. I worry that you can't... Mother, is this one good? No, brother, I like this one.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
really nothing Kamala Harris related at all. Yeah, exactly. It was... Like her lines in that voice.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
And it went too long. If he was just like, hey, man, what'd it look like? And that was the old impression. Oh, that's funny. But it was like, there's going to be something. Just notes.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
I think you also made it weird when you said he wouldn't listen to a woman be president. The sentence was wrong.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
Every time you do a show, you're supposed to thank Indians for letting us do it on their land.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
Who told you you have the gift of gab? This is ridiculous storytelling. I have no idea what's happening.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
Well, dude, yeah, because... You know what's worse than that? And they just said, like, a weird almost fuck situation. Yeah.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
Always hilarious, man. Thank you, bro. I gotta ask you where you're from, because I don't know where you're from, but wherever it is, your voice is from there. I'm from Orlando. Orlando.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
Bullshit. It's bull... Yeah, it's fucked up. Watch your mouth.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
I hate Disney World. Orlando, it ain't Disney out here.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
That's the airport, because that's the airport you flew.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
Brian, we got to work on your black people's small talk.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
Spelled how you think. Three apostrophes, like Flavor Flav named them.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
I haven't seen Hans in a while, and I will say he's getting too handsome for comedy. Whoa. Thank you. Yeah. Success is looking good on him. He's fashionably mismatched.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
I mean, it's all autumn colors, but it's all of the autumn colors. Your hair's coming in nice. You look fantastic. Thank you, Big Jay. This is a compliment underneath all of it. I promise.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
Asian is the best starting point for a good trans move, though. Absolutely. Absolutely. I mean, thousands of dollars of electrolysis you don't have to spend. They're beautiful men.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
It looks like you have your... But they're pinned straight, right?
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
Wow. If I was Asian, I would put a dragon condom on my wiener. When you unfurl, it looks like one of those dragon costumes that 18 people get in. Yeah. Yeah, for the New Year. Yeah.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
Yeah, of course. Oh, okay, perfect. Maybe some lanterns. I'm just thinking out loud. Yeah.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
One or the other. We'll figure it out. A confederate tracksuit sounds like something Kid Rock gives you if you get wet at his house. He's like, oh, dude, my clothes are soaking wet. He goes, that's cool. Go grab a confederate tracksuit out of the guest closet.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
And then a third person jumps on the bed? Yeah. I didn't know that part.
KILL TONY
#709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER
Yeah, it doesn't necessarily matter what they're doing to the bed. It was the fact that there was other people in there facilitating the motions.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
And he was like, uh, he's like, oh, well I don't, he was basically a dick. He was like, I don't have the money. And I'm like,
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
why do you gotta give it and then she just busts the door open and started like unhooking his vcr well i'm taking something with me or something like that like i got her not to do that ultimately but like she was planning on walking out there with something and then having to drive a rejected hooker home is such a hilarious like conversation yeah she's like actually i probably went in there with a bad attitude because i didn't want to fuck him like sure yeah sweetheart you got it
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
but i'm glad i didn't get his vcr i didn't even fucking want it dude the first girl i ever drove i remember being like impressed by her because she uh she was just pretty one it'd be funny if you're like 12 and this is just your paper route I was 18, I think. Damn. 18 or 19. I only did this for a very short amount of time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
My friend, Ernie, was dating a girl whose dad was just like probably like weird connected shit or something like that. And it was like they had a guy who like a French stripper. It was supposed to just be strippers ultimately. And like, yeah, you just go there and whatever. I found out very quick because the guy was like, All the other drivers for this company were like old men.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I remember asking the guy one time, like, how the fuck? Yeah. It's like, am I the only... And I feel like I'm in danger a lot. And he was like, well, they have guns. Like, you don't have a gun? And I was like, no. And he was like, do you want one? And I was like... No. And he's like, you sure? I'm like, yeah, dude, because I get too nervous.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I'm going to pull out way too early because I'll be nervous. It's always like 15 guys, you know what I mean? I've had him say things like, you're supposed to stop us if we do anything. And I'd be like, yeah, me and this guy are supposed to stop us. I'd be in a circle already pointing at everybody. Trying to John Wick both hands. Yeah, it was terrifying. You said a bachelor party in the Poconos.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
No, I was always last. Same company as the one I did the dressing up at kids' parties for.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Yeah, the Elmo is... the elmo yeah just let me get that story that was the first one they sent me to the guy was like hey if you want to make more money i also during the day the stripper company does kids parties where you dress up as the costumes same guy you go to the same guy's house with his fucking koi pond and pick up the fucking bag uh the trash bag mind you full of costume that was like
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
My bad. I'd say 25, 50.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Not the licensed ones, I guess you'd say. You know, they were like shitty costumes. Yeah, knock off Elmo's. So I was Elmo, and they sent me, I was the last call for the stripper thing and this. Like, you know, we need somebody. Our main guys can't do it. So I always got the shittiest gigs, and I mean, like, real, like, North Philly, like, scary places to go. And I went as Elmo right away.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
No one's happy to see me. They're like, why is a white guy with a garbage bag coming to our front door? And, uh, then they let me in and I was like, yeah, I'm doing the, I'm doing, I'm here for the kids, but you know, I'm going to go, all right, go change in the back. It's sweltering hot. It's like summertime. I put on the Elmo costume and then I come out to start day and they, I, uh,
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Tell him, like, you know, the lady was yelling at me to do the hokey pokey. But I was giving her, I gave her, like, a CD you have to, like, put in. And she was like, we ain't got no player here. Just do the hokey. She kept yelling, do the hokey pokey. Which is a funny thing to be yelled at. And, you know, I got a little screen.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I'm like, miss, it's sort of the closer, you know, like the hokey pokey with all the kids. And then, whatchamacallit, this little girl, this little black girl, like, barrettes her. She was so cute. Like, it was a moment where I was like, oh, this is cool. Like, this kid. Because she did, like, the hug. She hugged my leg and loved you, Elmo.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
And then kids, like, bad kids, you could tell, were coming in the block on bikes. And they came to the party. And while this girl was literally hugging my leg, the kid was like, yeah, that ain't the real Elmo. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
and she's like yes it is and he's like he's like no it ain't and he starts looking through the grill yeah i'm going come on kid and he just lifts the sleeve up of the thing and screams he goes elmo's white dude that's like the mom came over and she was yelling at the kid She goes, no, this is Elmo, honey. This is Elmo. And the little girl's getting upset. And the kid just pointed out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
And you're almost going like, hey, kid, stop. And he goes, if that's the real Elmo, why is he wearing FUBU sneakers? Which I was. Sick. FUBU sneakers. And then the kid said, he goes, let's see if Elmo has nuts. And then I couldn't find him out of my little screen. And then he just launched me. And, like, no repercussions. He just socked you in the balls.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I mean, like, but no, but, like, the top of his foot hit, like, my ass crack. Like, he was... He got in it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I'm ruining this shit. I have less scary stories from the stripper thing than the kids' parties, dude. One time I went, and the owner of this company would say whatever to sell. Sorry, we got some plumbers here. They're going wild. The owner of the company would say whatever to sell the gig. Getting all your poops out. The owner would do anything to sell the gig.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
So I was going to be as Winnie the Pooh to a kid's party, North Philly, and I get in there, and then the guy goes, as soon as I get there, the guy goes, as soon as I get in there, he goes, yo, where's the presents and balloons? And I was like... Which I thought was even a weird thing that someone would ever believe that's going to happen.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I'm like, you want to just bring random presents for your child? I don't even know if he's a boy or a girl or what. And he's like, well, I was told you bring presents and balloons. So I was like, well, I'm sorry. I'll go, let me call the company. And I called the guy and the guy was like, yeah, I just said, you're there already.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Like they're going to, he was like, yeah, no, he told him that's a bullshit. And he goes, put him on the phone. And now like, I didn't know this was the scam, but now we'll take a couple bucks off, but you're already there. And I was like, okay.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I know. He said Winnie the Pooh is going to bring presents. I was like, what? Damn. So the guy was like, he gets him on the phone. He's like, all right. And I go into his house. And it was like the, do you remember the party in Menace to Society where Kane beat the guy who was talking shit about Jada Pinkett? No. Not really. It was like that party. Okay. That still gives me a good idea.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Multiple dice games going on. Two babies in height chairs eating Cheerios. The only children at this party. And it's one of those kids' birthday. So when I go in, the guy was like, I was like, where can I change? And he goes, go upstairs. Is it bad? No, fuck it. He was like, go upstairs and change in the bedroom. So I went up to the bedroom and closed the door.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
i don't know if i would choose cold water to go up there if there's a hot a warm water option you're gonna want warm bro you're gonna end up everyone ends up warm anyone goes warm i don't know why that's making me cry it's very funny i think on the yeah i'm still a wipes guy on the road i just can't believe that most of the time just paper for you just raw dog yeah
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
And it was fucking... Sorry, my plumbers, they're just drummers.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
They're getting rid of the Dukes, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
No, it's all right. So you're up in the bedroom. I go up in this bedroom, I close the door, and the guy's like, don't close that door, motherfucker. And I was like, I already did. And he was like, the door, when you close it, it won't open. Oh, no. So now I have to wait for them to take the door off the hinges. It was funny. The door, it literally fell. It was like an old Philly shitty house.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
It was this heavy-ass door. They take out the hinges, and it goes, and it hits the bed, and the dust comes up. And I'm literally standing there holding a Winnie the Pooh. It's like the right stuff. I'm holding an astronaut's helmet. I'm like, let's go make history.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Yeah, no head on. And then I went downstairs, and I gave the guy the CD to put in for the Hokey Pokey songs or whatever. And the guy goes... Just dance to what's on, which I do recall was Dr. Dre's 2001 chronic. Damn. So I just like hokey pokey dance to that for two kids in high chairs for like a half hour or so. And then the guys were just doing their thing and kind of not paying attention to me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
And then I was like... I was like, oh, man, he goes, kids are adorable. Like, thanks so much. You know, sorry about the miscommunication earlier. I go, I'm going to go upstairs and change back into my clothes and get out of here. And he was like, no, man, just get out of my house. I thought it was like being playful for us. I was like, yeah, I know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Because the thing before he was like, man, I'm done. Just get the fuck out. And I was like, well, I got to go change. And he was like, not here. And so then not thinking, I took the head off. to be like, yo, man, come on. Not like to start shit with him, just almost to plead like, buddy, come on, let me check. And then the kids started fucking screaming.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
They just saw Winnie the Pooh remove his skull. And then they physically pushed me out of the house, and I ran to my mom's. I ran to my mom's and I drove a stick shift home with Winnie the Pooh hands on.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
You know, I had the bag. They were in the bag and stuff. But it's my trash bag of my clothes instead of Winnie the Pooh. But that was a hilariously far more scary job.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Because most of the time the strippers were just... There was only one stripper I drove that was like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
genuinely putting herself through med school like the actual story that you always hear like she was really doing it which was made her not a good stripper because that was what she was the girl that every time they were like uh this guy's touching my tit i'm like you have it in his mouth yeah you're like she's like go fight this guy he's doing this like please you have to let him touch your butt i think you could have been like you have a bright future ahead of you i don't want to ruin your medical school but the first girl i ever drove
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
In that, I don't remember, I think her real name, her fake name or real name was Candace. Whatever it was, I drove her. She was really cute, and we went to a party, a bachelor party, and she was like, they're sawing now? That's crazy. Are they sawing pipes? Yeah, you want to pause for a minute?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I did that for a very long time until enough people were just like, what are you doing? Why are you just smearing peanut butter around your ass? They tell you it'll fuck your shit up. But only if you have, well, here's a couple things going on. There was no signs here when you moved in? No. That said don't put wipes in the toilet? Fire away, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Seriously, that is the best underwear or something.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Yo, this Kratom probably isn't addictive.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
wow so i'll get i get like once a month old and then lamar had a pack in the back he was plowing through is your lady not a good uh house organizer in a sense like one thing not one bit one thing about christine i gotta give her always is you just go running low on wipes and then like an amazon thing of 20 packs of wipes show up awesome
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
It's like, yeah, it's cool.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Those are awesome. Really? The only one Josh Edemeyer's got me to try was a little, I think it's Ohms or something it's called. It's like this big. It's a drink. I mean, you shouldn't drink it all. It's this big if you drink it all. You will, I believe, like opiates, get violently nauseous for five minutes or so, and then it's great.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
When that nausea goes away, awesome. It's a ride. Yeah. I wrote three full Nirvana albums. New music, too. I just know it's theirs.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
yeah so before we left you said you're you're on the cusp of the prettiest first girl i ever drove yeah very pretty yeah and so and she was so pretty that i was like you know the self-soothing of like what she's doing is actually great yeah because we went to this party and i said i always remember the thing was she had a she's all right guys we're gonna play a game she controlled the room too which i thought that's hilarious
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
After these words from heroin. That's crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
That was wild. It was pin drop. It was.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
First trip driver drove.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
So yeah, the first car I ever drove, we went to this place. She said she was controlling the room, which I thought was like, again, I just thought she was pretty. So I was just like, and I'm the person driving her. So you're like, am I falling in love with this girl? And she looks good. And then she starts doing this thing that's so raunchy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
But again, I liked her so much that I thought it was a brilliant business thing. I've talked about this where I'm like, smart move. This is called something in business, what she just did. What was she up to? She would go, all right, guys, we're playing this game. $5, $10, or $20. And it was like for $5. So she rolls it up like a Coke straw, whatever you give her.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
and then she'll put it, like, in her pussy, basically. But she keeps her fingers, like, at the base. Do you know what I mean? And so it's, like, for $5, she puts it in a little bit. For $10, a little bit more. And you take it out with your mouth out of her pussy. You're making the right face. If you were wondering if you were making the right face, you are.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
He goes, okay. Well, here's the problem with any kind of story of a bachelor party. Your mindset there will tend to be different, I think. You know what I mean? When everyone's involved, you're hearing it later, you're like, ugh, money in a pussy and then money in my mouth? Like, all those things are wrong. And then my mouth near money near a hooker pussy? This is all bad. But...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Everybody did the $20 because it would be the closest. But the funny thing, I was always like, well, it's crazy because no matter how much you put in there, you could fit it in your mouth and you're only getting as close as her fingers. You're never actually getting closer to her pussy. Every guy did the $20 and I was like, genius.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I'm going to stay on the periphery.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He goes, let me get a $5 smell test in there. What about three fives?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
That is the move. But you're right. For $20 and fives, you could go four times and get the same experience. Can you inhale the air through the bill? I assume you could if you wanted to.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Yeah. Siphon. Just take one deep hit. Yeah. If something comes through the straw, it's freaky. Oh, no.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Well, this girl on our drive home, when I was driving her home, she goes, we stopped at a 7-Eleven. I remember she goes in and she bought one of those single individual roses for herself. And I was like, what's that for? And she goes, it was just this sad, I always buy myself flowers at the end of a work night because I deserve it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
And then I... And then I... Now, this must have been so creepy for her. I dropped her off at her house. Next day... Next day, she opened her house with flowers. And I go, you deserve someone else to give you flowers. And by the way, she could have been looking back more like, if my abusive boyfriend sees you here, I'm going to have to ship you down. She was like, thank you. Thanks so much.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
And I'm like... And I just think you should know. She's like, cool, thanks. I was like, bye. She shoved him off her pussy. She's like, see you later. I go, so if I could just... You should have brought a $5 bill. Yeah, yeah. Instead of flowers, you should have been like... If I could just have one moment of your time with this $5 bill. So... Damn. Skip ahead, I started doing comedy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I was doing comedy already, but I... You know, that's like a job I would do like kind of infrequently, but... Yeah. When I needed money, I would take it. And so it just... You can just call... in the Yellow Pages, any of those places at the time and be like, hey, do you need a driver? I've done it before. They'll be like, sure. Most of them will be like, sure. Can you start tonight?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
So this guy, I called some guy on the phone. I was like, hey, you looking for drivers? I have experience. He goes, yeah. He goes, the way he does it is you hang out at his house, this guy's apartment, and wait for jobs to come in. We're also there with you. So I go to this guy's apartment not far from where my mom lives. Yeah. It was just a couch, a TV, and bodybuilding trophies everywhere.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
The guy was just like a totally huge jack guy. Nice enough guy. And he goes, all right, so you got a gig. You're taking these two girls. One's this Asian girl. One's my cousin. Okay, so the Asian girl shows up. She's nice enough.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
The cousin comes. It's the fucking girl. The first girl I ever drove was his cousin. What? She now, by the way, this girl who was like so hot, we take her to this, or I take her to this party. She's brain belly. Everyone, not brain belly. Everyone's like into this Asian girl. She's very pretty. And then this girl, they're like, you hear the guys making jokes about her.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
She was all pale now, and her asshole was brown and dark.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
That came up a lot. And they're being mean to her, and you're having that thing where I'm like, you don't know what she's like. She's in a rough patch or something. Yeah, you had to defend her. Don't fucking talk to her. No, but she did look pretty busted. And it was funny. That was my luck. Because people ask if I ever fucked any of the strippers ever on that gig.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
We went back to the cousin's house. And it was just me and her waiting for another gig to come in. And that night, she started, like, digging her toes. Like, she was, like, laying on the couch. And she was, like, digging her toes, like, under my thing. Kind of like, and I was like, ah, I'm not here at your cousin's house. I was like, ah, dude, she has something now for sure. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
And I never saw her ever again. Probably did. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Oh, there's no... We all thought that Jenna Jameson was, like, the example of, like, look, you could do it and kind of get mainstreamed and not, like, lose your sense about you. And then, you know, they have the video of her in night vision, like, breaking all the cameras in her house. You ever see her just, like, climbing ladders and just... It's night business.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
She looks like a raccoon just busting all the cameras in the house.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I kind of want to see this. Yeah, go check it out. You got to go see the smoking toilet.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
You've never been to a bachelor party? It was a wild one ever? No, never. Like college friends and stuff now?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
He was comfortable with strippers. I'm not. No, yeah, Lewis threw my bachelor party when I got married. It was... Yeah, it's pretty good. He goes pretty hard with it. But the two that I've been to that I've... I went to... My ex-wife's friend... Was having a bachelor party. They invited me to. I don't know why. I think they wanted me to come because I'm a comedian.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
They had come to shows already, so as a virtual unknown still, they were like... The comedian guy's coming. And they had a stripper there that was gorgeous who was fucking. And I went in the bathroom with her. And I'm such a fucking fat schnook. I went there and talked to her for 45 minutes where I started hearing people outside the door going like, hey man, are you done in there?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
He goes, who brought this fat guy who's here? No one knows who I was. And I'm just hogging the stripper to chat with her. I go... Yeah, I used to work in this business a little bit myself. Oh. Yeah, I'd try to chat her up. She had no interest. She was almost like, hey, are we, like, fucking in here or not? I was like, yeah, you got to do your thing or whatever, you know? Nah, you got enough.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
You got enough on your plate. You're trying to have industry talk. There was a guy... It's time to talk biz. There was a guy that used to come to my shows all the way. I became friendly with him, but... I opened for Bobby Slayton a million years ago at the West Palm Improv.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
And afterwards, all these people that came to see him and the host of the show, who was like a local player, we like, oh, we got to go to the strip club. We have to go to the strip club. We went. And this guy, Lorne, who I became friends with, was one of the managers there. And he was like, you know, pick a girl or whatever. It was just like free reign.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
And he was always like that kind of like dude. And a few years back... It was in the Comedy Inn in Miami, which is a small little room in the motel, basically. And he's like, I'm coming. And he goes, I got a new, this is a couple years back, he goes, I got a new company, too. I'm bringing a couple of the girls. He's like, and they want to party. And I'm just like, yeah, man, sure.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
That is a Gardini guarantee. You know, it's a fun thing. I've written several things. I don't do it in years, which is why it's still sort of fun because it's from so long ago. But my phone notes when I had intentions of like, this is a funny concept. I got it. And whatever the keywords you write, you see a thing, it's like... Yeah, it's a gay pizza.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
So him and his buddy come to bring these two girls who are like super ghetto, like Hispanic girls. Both cute, though. And he was like, hey, you want to go because they want to go like smoke with you or something before the show. Why don't you take him to like your room or whatever, which is a motel room right there. So I was like, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
And I went there and smoked pot with him, talked to him for a while. And then I was like, but my thing is so like.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
me and lewis where we have different opinion on this a lot of times like lewis has the why he says he could a hooker is rooted in he thinks he's like this must be a nice change for you huh like getting the me instead of like what you think i assume i'm the other end of that spectrum so i'm like oh god this girl's like gonna have to wash me off later just being like what am i i gotta get my kids back from social services and get my together
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
So, like... Yeah, that's fair.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
That's how I feel. I feel like they're like, well, this is my job I have to do. Yeah. Clearly, he told them they should, like, do something to fuck around with me because, you know, I'm hooking them up with tickets or whatever to this little motel coffee club. Yeah. So... But in my mind, I'm going like, you know what? They're both cute. I'm like, they're going to come to the show.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
After the show, they're probably going to really want to. Yes. Maybe it would be the best thing. Or at least I can convince myself. Yeah, I agree. Now they're like, oh, I saw you do your thing. So yeah, now we kind of want to do this.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
yeah let me see you do your thing now after the show i'm talking to them i think even a little before the show they're both giving you of course they're like you said no one gets out of it unscathed like they're both giving they're like it's like my boyfriend hates that i do this man like if he beats the shit out of me one more time my dad's gonna kill him he's just gonna talk like that and you're like okay and then we're sitting outside bullshitting with the two of them and the two guys my buddy lauren his buddy and like
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
so i told you these chicks wanted to party dude killing time yeah i mean really killing time and then the guy eventually goes like hey man we're gonna get out of here pretty soon so uh you know if you want to take the girls and hang out for a little bit like you know now's the time and i remember just touching him on his arm and i went give him the night off man just give him the night off man how'd they react to that were they like oh sweet
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
No, they were almost puzzled. He was even like, no, man, the girls came to party and stuff. I was like, I know, but even that sentence. It's not like they came in and they were like, they know me and my stuff. They came to party because you were like, hey, you girls want to do coke tonight probably for free and drink. Go fuck this guy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Not even sort of. So he was just hooking you up. Absolutely. I'm with you. I would have done that too. I don't know. I get it. I get it completely. But I have to believe or at least be able to believe in some way like you want to do this. Not like you will. I will fuck you. Yes. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
What the fuck does that even mean? I thought those keywords would drive me to like when I got back home, like, all right, now what was my thing with gay pizza?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
yeah then you go oh thank god exactly the second you're done you come that was fucking great this part of your brain comes back online it's like going on the road before i ever had a laptop you know for years that wasn't really a thing that everybody had a laptop so on the road was a hilarious race you'd either find you'd either have that local newspaper whatever that weird arts paper is it would have hooker ads
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
the yellow pages and, uh, the E channels girls going wild infomercial. And it was a race to like, can I just jerk off and not make a terrible mistake right now?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
And you have to remind yourself, you go, as soon as it's over, you're going to be like, I don't really have $200 to be throwing around like that or whatever. You know what I mean? Like, all of it is so bad that as soon as you're done, you're like, perfect night. You really made the right decision there, big guy. Thank you, Girls Gone Wild. I mean, who doesn't know?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Spice Channel. And then I got a... At one point, one of my first roommates in New York worked for the cable company, so we had unlocked Spice and Playboy Channel and like... Those are really like... That was still the era where everything was on DVD or you had to download... So it was like... You did it, but it was like... So not good, the Playboy channel. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Gay pizza. Yeah, shit. It sounds as bad as when somebody walks up to you and does like the, you know, if someone else was gay pizza, can you do something with that? I got a premise for you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
It's still like... The fact that they made any kind of what you would describe as vanilla pornography in the world is still strange to me that it exists. Like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
like soft core you're saying or just but yeah yeah they weren't even doing anything it was just maybe just the naked women's stuff but i mean like just all of it's gotten so like uh like the fact that anyone can go back and be like what would i read like dude maxim magazine has the 50 hottest bikini babes pictorial like who gives a shit yeah it's like there's a girl this pretty taking a dump in a sink on the internet
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
And I can eat it if I join her. I can get a vial of it sent to my house. I'm going to suck that vial down. I'm interviewing in a few weeks, I believe, where we got Farrah Abraham. And I told the person who's sending her to us. I did some research. That's MTV's teen mom. Oh. And then she started doing, like, porn. She did a couple porn videos, like pro porn videos.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Still nervous. Why? Everyone says it's great.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Then she started doing, like, cam stuff. But then, Lemaire, you're familiar with this. Then she took a video of herself for somebody taking a dump. I don't know where this dump was inside of her tiny body.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
She smoked one out for the OF. She shits right on the floor, like an animal. It is a shit I've watched so many times because it's fascinating. It's like a cork pops, like one little shit comes out, and then two straight feet of connected shit
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
What does she know? She's still a teen mom. She's probably in her 30s. She's in her 30s. But now she's... She dropped her magnum opus. She's doing stand-up comedy. What? Obviously. So her first time stand-up comedy is going to be at a strip club in New York, so she's coming on the bonfire to promote it. That's so sick. And I told the person, I was like, first thing I'm asking about is this dump.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
You mean, bro? I know there's no audio on it, so I have to assume as soon as it was finished, did you go, whew?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
No, no, no. This is for somebody who paid her to do it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I got it for you, buddy. I got it for you. It's just black ladies moving. Were they dropping? Hang on. I'm going to take a look at this.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
rape comma sometimes fun question mark oh 3 30 in the morning on a wednesday yeah good work good was i 2019 shane good job but yeah they're never fucking there's never something where i feel like i could go back and go oh yeah let me expound upon that never once
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
The first one's just going to pop out. That's the cork.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
And then... so if you guys have any questions you want me to ask yeah they injected they injected that i think that was fake you'd like to think that that was a legit dump yeah shane you've had a problem always appreciating others talents yeah i mean the cork is the craziest detail
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
It seems like she was stacking them for sure inside of herself because that's, I mean. Those three dumps.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
it was i mean when she was done in fact she just like they showed the longer one like she turns around it's kind of like did you like that i was like how are you not like taking a little siesta after that that's when like when you're done you gotta go wow that must have been in there for a while yeah she just passed that like nothing she was like yeah i tell you shit a big fucking two coiler
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
God bless her heart. Yeah. Did you put it on your to-do notes? Oh, yeah. They probably go super fiber.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Definitely the most famous person to ever make a shit video.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I haven't moved in yet. Never used one ever now. Damn, that's crazy. But also the places they tell me they have. They had Gas Digital at them. I know. That was the first place I ever used them. When people say that, that's always the funniest thing to me. They go, dude, they have it at Gas Digital. You haven't used it at Gas Digital? No, I've never shit right next to the studio at Gas Digital.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Did you guys ever watch the old... Allegedly. The old... What's his name? Chuck Berry. The old Chuck Berry videos.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Yeah, he goes, give me that fart.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
She's like, yeah, yeah. He goes, ooh, get that fart.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I mean, you're paying for it. You just got to be able to do what you want.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
No, you could see it. Okay. There's a video of it. She's really old hookers. They're actually pretty gnarly-looking hookers. Yeah, yeah. You got to take that back. I mean, they're hitting force.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
They were letting the lead out. They're getting the lead out. I take that back. On Howard Stern a few years back, one of the famous groupies from B.B. Buell or one of them came in to talk and do a tell-all book. And just so casually, the way she goes, oh, yeah. I don't know if she lost her virginity, but when she was 15, she basically got gang-banged by the Allman Brothers backstage.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
But the difference is that she's just going like, oh, it was great. Because she's telling the story like that. It's no legs. No one cares.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I just think there's also... Shame on your alleged behavior. But I think there's also something to like... Like I said, these things were like people... It wasn't like they were like seeking out 15-year-old girls. It seemed like 15-year-old girls were trying to get backstage. I think it was a time where people accepted... Like, where you fell over just, like, the overall laws.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
It's like, yeah, if you're some kind of scraggly, rotten-homed kid, like, you're probably going to be out there fucking at, like, 14, 15 years old. You know what I mean? Or, like, you know, I'm sure there was also 15-year-old girls who would be like, do what? Go where?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Yeah. What the hell? That'd be a tough one. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Yeah, and Jimmy Page, right? He had the other one. He was the famous one. He had, like, a child bride.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Yeah, long drive in a car, say it over and over to myself three or four times, and then, like, you get next day exactly. You're like, that was something about something.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Alleged child pussy must be great. Allegedly. Allegedly.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Well, that's the Epstein thing. They were like, how many people they don't, you know, they interview all the ones, they never, you know, when they got the Olympic doctor guy, right, where he was like fingering all the girls. Yes, yes, sir. When they got him, like every victim showed up It was like 300 victims showed up to be like, you did this, you fucked me over.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Epstein, where they were pulling those girls from, there is a bulk of those chicks that were just like, yeah, it was a good way to make 400 bucks. Watch an old man whack off. It's the Uncle Eddie thing. Remember when Uncle Eddie in Philly, when he got arrested, people were like, oh man, damn.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
If we went to the mall, we would just go take a dump at fucking Ed's house and show him our wiener and he'd give us 50 bucks.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Nobody was, like, happy when he got put away. They were like, fuck, dude, my fucking... Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Thing went around. This guy's a legend. He's a total fucking legend. This guy's a legend. They're the Allman brothers, and you're the kid. You're going, I had a good fucking time. I genuinely had the thought in my head when they just described when I was a kid, be careful, that school would say, there's a guy, he's asking kids for their dirty underwear. They use underwear.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
And I genuinely remember having a thing, and I'm like, where is this motherfucker? It is. I wasn't putting it together that it was any kind of a gay thing or something like that. I'm like, I guess he's just a fucking freaky weirdo. Yeah. And I was like, yeah, dude, I go. It does sound like a mythical.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I wouldn't even throw out, like I said, if I had skid marked underwear when I was a kid, he'd be like, nice.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I'm going to save these for a school day. In case he catches me walking home. I was just playing against sports.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
But those guys I would call Howard Stern with those Philly accents were so great. Like, yeah, he went over and he goes, my boy took a fucking dump on his chest. It was crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Whole package of one. And Phil was out in the woods, so that was big. I knew somewhere in the world that tasty cakes were being used for evil. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. How did he get that cake to stay so moist?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I feel like that was always the kid that would sell candy in school was the same kid who also run boy ass for a local pedophile. I got a couple irons in the fire. I'm doing a little candy thing, a little resale BJ's Costco candy thing. I'm running boy ass to some local pedos.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
You have a good pedophile sting house, Shane. Yeah, right here. This is a great pedophile sting house.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
It's so good. Yeah, I've been on three or four pedophile stings. Pretty wild. You did it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't take part. I was... Well, I took...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
minimal part yeah when i when my last special came out the guys uh dads against predators those are the ones now who just beat the guys yeah yeah completely shove them in like the cupcakes at walmart yeah but i went with them and uh like i went to hang out with them and it was funny when they had the guy cornered in the grocery store he was cornered and they were like yelling i'm giving a bunch of shit in the grocery and yelling when i walked by i've
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I was Instagram-living.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I was Instagram-living when I walked by to be like... I was going like, hey, I'm watching these guys do their pedophile hunt. As I'm walking by, those guys to fuck with the... Which is also funny. When you do the pedophile hunts, there is something to the idea, though. It's like they take it seriously, but also not that seriously. They make jokes like themselves about it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
So the guy, when they're just walking by, they look at me and the guy goes... He says to the pedophile, he goes, you fucking know who Big Jay Oakerson is? And the guy was like, no. And I just go, oh...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
you hear you hear my voice just go oh like a view is a view and at the end of it they take him out to a field and they make him stand in a trash can call his mother and tell her he's a pedophile and then go big jokerson's dog belly available whatever holy shit dude I went to a Stinghouse one where the girl lures the guys over. That was pretty wild. What happened? At the Stinghouse.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's wild. Yeah. The Stinghouse one, first guy comes over. We hide in a bedroom. We're hiding in a bedroom with the camera guy. Holy shit. Yes. It's got to be so exciting, dude. And you hear through a window, it's like... So I'm a little bit nervous here. Yeah, that's cool.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Yeah, he might have a gun. It's real. I didn't even think about that. But that has happened. It's real. It's definitely a dangerous thing for sure. So the first guy comes in, and like very quick, she's talking to him for like five minutes. And then, by the way, I don't know why everyone I do these with, they always do this to a pedophile.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
she had in the background purposely my special playing and she and when the guy comes in he goes this is big jay okerson he's like you know he is and he was like no and i think someone said fat at one point about i was like right i'm squatting down in the back room like all right dude yeah mike finoy and dylan with me i'm like what
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Oh, I'm fat? You're fucked. I'm fat? Oh, I'm fat. You just hear in the background, come on, dude. What's that? I thought no one else was here. As soon as we went out, or the camera guy went out, that guy was like, whoop, and he ran off. Hauled ass immediately as soon as he got on camera. Second guy came, and they had a whole thing with him. Whoop. Yeah, really. That's the ski dad.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
What, the bidet? I haven't tried one yet, but I have. You haven't tried it yet? I haven't tried one yet, but I have. I can't use... Rogan's studio has them. They have the heated toilet seats and shit. Yeah, the ones I got have that. But I've never used it and I'm still nervous because the place I got, I can't use wipes. You can't put them in the septic tank. So like, I got bidets, but...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
That's the ultimate ski dad. Whoop. Whoop. Whoop. Whoop. Whoop. Whoop. Second guy hung in there for a while and talked to them. But that night, I was in Indianapolis. That night, she came to the Pedophile Hunter girl, Courtney Elizabeth. She came to the show, and her partner said that that day when they posted the thing, they have moderators who live in Indianapolis.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Even though she lives in Wisconsin, their moderators live in Indianapolis. And she was like, when they put the video up, The two moderators are brother and sister. And they both go, the guy who just ran out right away. The guy who said nothing after the camera came in. He goes, oh, and ran off. They go, that's my cousin. And then the other moderator goes, that's my cousin.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
They're brother and sister. That's my cousin. And they started realizing, like, in that two seconds, dude, it, like, fucking ripped their whole family apart. The guy that left immediately.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. How wild is that? Like, the moderator's cousin happened to be one of the people they caught. You ever see – that's the Chris Hansen one where the guy he rides the train with walks in. Do you ever see that? He's like, what are you doing here, man? What are you doing here? He's so upset with him. Why are you here?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
And then I went with the guy, the big guy from Houston, Texas, Alex something. The big beard. You've probably seen him before. Yeah, I know that guy. I went with him before and we didn't get anybody. But that's where I saw like the danger of how it could go because –
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
walmart parking lot we pulled up next to the guy the guy didn't wasn't out of his car yet and the guy fucking threw i mean 70 miles an hour in a walmart parking lot hit a speed bump i mean his car like rattled but he got on the highway and like they were like we're not chasing them onto the highway like that's too dangerous at that point but i thought what the most interesting thing so far about it was that of all the things i've with the pedophile hunters was that because
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I'm like, that guy was so... He didn't know if we were there to kick his ass. He didn't know if we were related to the thing. He didn't know if we were cops. He didn't know whatever. The instinct that guy had at all... Like, if that car would have... If the doors and car would have fallen apart around him when he hit that speed bump, he would have just continued running onto the highway.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
He was just like... And I was like, wow, I've never seen somebody really run for their life. That was like a genuine, like, this guy thought his life was over if he doesn't get away from this. He was giving it everything he had, which is pretty interesting. Yeah, you're going to get shot by a pedophile. Right, so I don't do them anymore. Yeah, you shouldn't.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Just bleeding out in front of a fucking Target. The Dads Against Predators guy has been shot twice now. What? And he keeps going, and they're the ones that are aggressive. They can't wait to punch the guy in the face.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Oh, there's some great ones. He was slow. He was mentally. He couldn't do it. Law & Order SVU last week just did finally an episode on that. You're doing a pedophile sting, and you catch a guy who came there to watch cartoons and hug because he has Down syndrome. And it's like prosecuting him the same way. Yeah. And that is the thing. It's like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Most of the pedophile hunts, that's what you're getting. You're getting a person who would have showed up if you said the kid was boy, girl, 8 years old or 85 years old. They can't believe anyone's responding to them and wants to hang out. Oh, that's so sad. So it is a sad thing to see when they catch those people. And they got a big fat guy on one of those podcasts. I think I saw that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I think I may have showed it to you. I said the mom sounds like Beezer. The mom's died. The mom of the pedophile. But right in front of the mom, they make him put on a 7X shirt that says, I lick ass. Wow. because it's something he said to the girl. This fat guy named Jamie, and he just stands there while the guy reads the things in front of his mother.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
And the mother's just such a weird old twat, and every time he goes, and then it says, I want to suck your little pussy until you come and howl for the moon. And she's like, Jamie! Jamie! What? Well, that's bullshit. You don't even know how to do that. It's so funny.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I don't know why. She reminds me of bees. It's not that it sounds like them. It's just like... It looks like it would be Beezer's mom. Well, that's bullshit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jamie! Oh, God. And then they're like, can you not make this a big deal? Because the bitch who runs this apartment complex wants us out already. At his grounds for dismissal. Damn it, Jamie.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
And she's like, and by the way, the whole thing when they're giving his crime that they committed, it's so funny when the mother caretakers are always like, well, then that's it. You're giving me your phone, young man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
grounded yeah you're giving me your phone like it's a little bigger than that but and i show i think i showed you the the midget guy before who they catch four times where eventually yes eventually a midget file eventually the cops eventually the cops in the fourth video get mad at the guy who's stinging him and goes like he goes like they're like hey leave this guy alone he shows up every time because he can't believe for again and he's so dumb the first time they showed up at his house
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
By the way, all of his things are like, I love, he's already saying, I love you. He's like a retarded midget guy. And he's saying, I love you a bunch to this like fake girl. And then they asked him, he goes, you know, the, the fake girl's like, what are we doing today? He goes, just playing basketball. And like, he writes, she goes, she goes, Oh yeah. Are you really tall? He's like,
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
You know, it's like 4-11. I could dunk, though. And she's like, she goes, really? He's like, yeah, it's pretty easy for you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
He's just a retarded guy. And every time the cops show up, he's like, no. And he runs around crazy. And then the neighbor will always come over and be like, just can you leave? Like, I kind of look after him a little bit. Like, this is not a real problem here.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
And the guy was so retarded.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
It's like... He does. Oh, God. He never quite gets it. Yeah. As soon as they leave the first time, the same night, they just, to see if they can, they just message him back and they go... They go, sorry about that. That was my uncle. That was my uncle. He gets really pissed off. And he was like... That was weird. And then she was like, yeah, but it's okay. He's going back to England tomorrow.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
He's clearly just an American guy. It's okay. He's going back to England tomorrow. He goes, okay, well, I mean, I still love you. Like, am I going to get to see you? And then they just do it again. The fourth time they catch him at a car dealership. And he's getting out of his car and he goes, are you a... And they go, hey, Jason. And he doesn't recognize him. He's retarded. He goes, oh, hey.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
And he goes... And he goes, what are you here for? He goes, to get a car. He goes, would you like to get a 13-year-old car? And he goes, what? He goes, are you here for a 13-year-old? He goes, no! And he starts running for his life. He's like, get out of here! Get out of here! And that's the one where the cops show up and they go, yo, stop. Block his number. What are you doing?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Dude, I walked around for a long time. It's a big thing. If you could smoke weed and go to the store, you start thinking ahead more. Yeah, you're planning ahead. Yeah, true. You're like, I'm definitely going to want... Fluff at some point never bought it ever but like should have it I Did edges every aisle four times?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Like, leave this guy alone. He's never gotten any pussy, kid or otherwise.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I mean, it's really... Isn't he a good high school sweetheart? You should be allowed to. This is my prom date.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Yeah, he goes, luckily that midget has telekinesis. Yeah, he's, they're all, I mean, there was the famous one. There's the Chris Hansen was the guy started eating pizza. Yeah, just watch that one. It's one of the best ones ever. He goes, you want a slice? No, it's cool. He's scarfing that. He's changed his name and moved. That's what he did.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
It did. It really did. He goes, hmm. He goes, I guess... I'm a pervert?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
There's also those great compilations of Chris Hansen doing like the, I may have told you this before, like the, I like his first line when he tries to play off what they say is always the best. The guy's like, it's like, where are you at? And then the girl will be like, I'm upstairs. I'll be down in a second. He's like, I can't wait to kiss you. And I'm like,
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
An Indian guy is the one who got naked right away when he came in. Like fully naked and just started walking around. That was an Indian guy. And then the other one was the kid who got caught twice in like the back-to-back days. And the second time they pull up on him, they go, what are you doing, man? And he goes, oops.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
back to back days all right back to the drawing board there's no way all right now we know what to look for did you there's a so it's funny and i know they're trying to get more of like a police involved thing like catch a predator was like an official with police they're working with and there's i guess another one called underage undercover on it's like discovery or something But Max had it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
They did two seasons of it. And what's funny about that is going on the ones that I've gone on, how fast they'd be like, all right, well, it's 3.15. He said he was coming at 3. This guy's flaking. He's not answering anymore. And, you know, with that Stinghouse, we're like, all right, well, it was nice to meet you guys. We're going to take off. And they go, no, no, no, hang on.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I mean, I'm not kidding. Go on. Hey, my parents are gone.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Can you be here in 15 minutes? I'll be right over. I mean, to catch a person willing to fuck a 13, 14 year old. Yeah, that's wild. So they will. There's no like loss of like getting them at all. But this but again, I don't know how much.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
outside of like court of public opinion and ruining your personal life doesn't really end up in a lot of like arrests and stuff but it's like to get the arrest what they have to do that's why I found it so funny that they can just go hey I'm 14 and I have a vagina who wants to fuck and like people will start coming the underage undercover they over
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
do it so it's like a whole house they've rented and each room's like decorated to a different girl character and they have the things with fake braces so like you see them like working through each other like she's like okay so i'm supposed to watch a masturbate at like four o'clock today so like so they'll go put on the pigtails and little girl things and sit indian style and then holding like another girl's hand off camera who's going like sorry you're doing so good and she's like
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
it's great then you just hear the guy like oh wait they go for it they let the pedophiles do it it's almost my point is that like i don't think you have to get this much information yes they go okay by the way after like four masturbation sessions and talking on the phone every day to them and going through all this thing they'll be like okay we think we know what state he lives in
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
it's like each season's like to get like one little piece of information about a guy it's like how come every other person you just go yeah look in the fuck i'm 12 and someone goes i fuck a 12 year old i don't care i'll come over you're going to jail it's like non-stop things like it's gotta let him finish
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Right, and like the girl off camera. Yeah, I got away again. The girl off camera's like holding her hand going like, you're being so strong right now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
you're being and then it's like by the way also whenever a guy goes starts jerking off you're pretending you're a kid you could be like so my parents are calling i'm so sorry i have to go they just go like they let him finish and like i like it like there's no reason to get if a guy keeps going for what they're doing you got him if i'm texting sexual if i'm the pedophile
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
This has been great. I've been jacking off. This is my king. This is so great. If you catch one of the people you know as that show under Agent McGovern, he goes, I thought we were just doing a little role play. Yeah, I was fucking around. Obviously, she's 20. Yeah, here's her IMDb. She's a big fan.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
This is, allegedly, Spotify, allegedly. every the 90s though people would find like their thing and then just kind of stick with that like marie povich's show what used to be like you were my school bully look at me now and this and that now i'm a girl and it was like yeah yeah really look at me now what do you think by the way that was the best one you're still fucking gay
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Probably like four different kinds of pickles in my refrigerator. Yeah. No meat, but four different jars of pickles that have been like opened at different times. Yeah. Well, listen, you need stackers and you need spears. But after that, you start just getting gluttonous. Fuck, I forgot the spears. I forgot the spears. The dill spears. Fuck, I got to head back to the store.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Dude, when those bullies would go, especially with a girl, it's like she was a fat girl in school. It goes, now she's like a bikini model. It's like, look what I've got. Remember how mean you were to me? And it's like, seems to have affected you and you really made some positive life changes. You're welcome.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
you still want to fuck me clearly you had me flown here but mario povich figured out like the paternity test for the whole thing jerry springer realized cheating and fights for the whole thing yeah and chris hansen chris hansen was just like dateline nbc like here's a story about a small town murder or corruption in politics and then it was like nope he's the pedophile guy he's the guy and now he gets to curse he loves it the ones online the true blue ones
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
he loves it because he gets to read now he gets to really read the what you say here you wanted to suck her ass it's a yeah he goes yeah but i mean sucking ass that means like i mean like you know i think it was a later season he hit one guy who's like bbc pot bbcp that's a bareback cream pie and i was like damn dude
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
The smoothest one he ever did was the guy who was washing his hands for the girl. Like the little wigger dude was like washing his hands. And then Chris Hansen just walks up next to him and starts ripping off slices of paper towels to hand him. And the guy, he's washing his hands and he looks over and he takes the paper towel. He's like, thank you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
And he just tries to act like it's not a weird thing. He goes, oh, thanks. He really makes a look. He goes, you here for the young pussy too?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
oh i didn't realize this was a party that's happened a couple times on catch a predator when the people come out and they go oh i thought it was just me and her like she's in the two dudes oh my god oh oh i call pussy dude catching two and making them fight for the survival yes winner leaves loser goes to jail
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Wow, wow. Jay, when's your special coming out? Special is coming out February 20th, so Thursday. When does this come out? Is it out already? This should be out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Yeah. It should be out on Tuesday.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Whatever your schedule is. Whatever's going to be out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Double crowd work album, Them They. First half of them coming out February 20th and then a month later. Hell yeah. I think we're premiering the second part at Moon Tower. Where'd you film it?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Denver Comedy Works oh fuck yeah that's great yeah that's gonna be awesome any rumors going forward yeah I hope so man it's like I don't watch anything or edit anything so it's one way to do it yeah I turn it over to other people yeah I go hey you guys well I always figure too I'm like well you guys will know what you're laughing at yeah it's like me I'm gonna go oh I'm gonna look at I go yeah that was pretty funny but like
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
why am I built like that? Those are the questions I always ask.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Yeah, can we get a single camera shot and never the side? They were, one of them,
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
on my first ever the hour special live at Webster Hall I did I didn't put any input into that and I mean they had a camera that the seems like the job of the camera was to shoot me low from diagonal behind and swing around to the front of me to really give you my entire way too long across profile perfect it's like oh you know what shoulder to shoulder this guy doesn't look that bad and then you start turning around he goes oh my god oh there's too much happening in the front
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Hey, bitch, are these bread and butter chips? Because I said pickles.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
yeah it's a disaster it's a crazy i chose to sit like a dummy and i never think i every time i go i go and remember when you sit especially on like a taping like back straight like sit on the stool but like have like your back straight and then it's like how many seconds later before you're just like so is this your girlfriend
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Yeah. And I'm just and then if they watch you make the shoulders back move like someone's been talking to him.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I was like, no, it's just, dude, I've done a couple of these arenas with you now. And so they've all been great. And I sit on a stool, which maybe I have to consider not doing. It's just more, I like it. It's been good. I think it's fun. And it's worked well at the time. It's worked well with all of them. But the last one we did was Seattle, I think I was with you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
That was the only time I was like, I just chose a side and went with it. And then towards the end, like the last like five or six minutes of it, every time there was like a down moment, like in my own speaking, you go, guys, you know what's crazier? Turn around. Like a guy. But I mean, it was just like, but then you're like, I'm not doing it for him. I just want to do it for the one guy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Get a swivel bar stool. They're all aware I can hear each individual comment. Change your pants.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
He's gonna do something next week. Do you have to walk a line at all, like not making fun of him too much?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Well, it's just also obvious.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
But not even like that. But I mean, like, do you think he sees like. No, he doesn't know who I am. No, but I'm saying like, does he see it as like an homage? Do you know what I'm saying? Like, it's all how people take it. Some people say like you're making fun of him just by doing the impression. Other people are like you're doing a great impression of him. It's such a funny thing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Like, I wonder if he saw it, if his initial reaction would be like... I guarantee he would not like it. He wouldn't like it?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
why yeah it's not your favorite thing i didn't know that you're like the first time when we had everlast on bonfire a couple years back yeah burt kreischer was in the studio with us it was me and dan still on the show and i was like oh you know i'll be really funny i go when everlast gets here let's go around the room and everybody do your impression of what's the girl's name was like somebody got pregnant from a goddamn time yeah
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
and then uh when burke came and he was like oh dude i wouldn't do that i was like why he goes just musicians take themselves really seriously like he won't think it's funny he's gonna be weird about it and like and he was almost giving me burke was giving me like a read the room thing he's like so like just i wouldn't do it and got me in my own head where i was like yeah i'm not i won't even bring it up and then when everlast came in after talking for a little bit he was very cool and uh i was like hey we have a guitar man here if you want to
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Play a song or anything. And Bert goes, oh, oh, if you play a song, I swear to God, I'll get butt naked right now. And I was like, yeah, brilliant. I'm like, Bert, you told me to read the room on that. He doesn't want to hear an impression of himself.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
But you think one of the top Mount Rushmore of wiggers wants his payment for doing something he already doesn't want to do to be a man gets naked in the room. You read the room, Bert. He's like, oh, I'll get naked if you do. Hey, dude, great news. I'll get naked if you do something. You're probably cool with the nudity of men, right? That's so funny.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Hey, you grew up in a culture that's pretty awesome with gay shit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
i'll get totally naked but the fact that he had the sense it's the outward like he knew he's like yeah that would not be a good thing like he needs somebody to go bert i don't think uh everlast wants to see you naked as a reward punishment or otherwise just the idea of that like it's like a girl saying i'll show your tip i know exactly how bert said it dude like they're like oh oh oh yeah yeah hey here here's a deal yeah if you do the thing we're asking i will do something that no one's asked for
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I love it, though. Get naked for Everlast. It's so funny. For Everlast, yeah. Oh, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
No, and Everlast didn't play a song. I mean, I didn't even pursue the question of if he was going to play a song more because when Burt made that offer, I was like... Now I don't have to go, hey, we'd still like you to play a song. I promise that won't happen. It was more like, well, nevertheless, thanks for hanging out and being here.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
But try not to laugh for a half an hour.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Honey, you want to go to Turks and Caicos.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
You have to sort that out so much before you raise your hand.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
We're going to go to Turks and Caicos definitely on this date.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Oh, they got to do everything before they die.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
It's a nice treat. Bobby Kelly described it. He goes, you're waiting for which I understand what he's saying. You're lining it up with the remote control until you hear like to go from like when your asshole starts accepting it. Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty nice. Listen, I'm excited to try it. I just I don't I still don't fully get it. It's just water.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
To the trophy wives and like. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Bringing your wife makes sense. Bringing your girlfriend. But the stuff people bring escorts to, when escorts are doing the actual job they say they're doing, when you heard about escorts, it's like, well, you're paying me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
for my time whatever happens like it's like we can go to dinners you're like yeah i used to drive them and i'll tell you what they weren't going to any galas they were going in the front of a house i thought was abandoned to get fucked by a guy whose arm is always broke or has polio you should drive hookers oh yeah yeah that was what does that make you in the pimp hierarchy where you're like uh you're a wheel man
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
protecting them in uh like the strippers more they were all like strippers and prostitutes for the most part but the strippers was a scarier job because you have to go in and like make sure everything's like kind of okay oh you did like the bachelor party guy who like went in and like counted the money Yeah, yeah, yeah. The prostitutes were easy. You just drive up, out front, and they go in.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
And they'll be like, if all goes great, I'll be out. It's supposed to be there for like an hour. They're like, I should be out in 15 minutes. And they usually would. But the one time I drove someone outside of Pennsylvania. It was outside of Philly. I drove a girl one time. We picked her up. It's also the thing you get to see. This guy's definitely not going to be happy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
When you're driving someone out, I picked him up, and I was like... Unless this guy, there's no way this guy picked her. This is like before like internet was everything. So you weren't, you were going on like a yellow pages call or like, I guess like the back.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
That would be sex traffic. Sex traffic. But we... I drove this girl. I knew she was like... I'm like, this guy is not going to like her. She was like, we drove to this nice neighborhood and this girl was like gothed out. Like big, heavyset chick. Real milky skin. It was just a look that I'm certain the guy who lives here was not going for. And she goes...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Give me a little smidge. Well, the first girl I ever drove... Well, I'll go back to that in a second. But this girl, she went inside the... She went to the guy's house. And I'm just waiting in the car. And then she comes back like three minutes later. What? And she goes... He said that I'm not what he was expecting. And he sent me... I was like, I saw coming. And she goes...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
And now no matter what, the guy's got to pay X amount for me. Yeah. For the drive or whatever. It was like 25 bucks. That meant the world to me at the time for sure. And so she was like, he's not. She goes, I was like, oh. I was like, so he just gave you like the, you know, the cancel money or whatever. And she was like, no, he wouldn't give me any money at all. And I was like, shit. That's it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
And I just got to hedge the bets. You know, I'm like. what does this asshole look like? Cause you're waiting to hear like, Hey, so I can go find him. But like, I'm really just asking. I'm like, is this worth 25 bucks for me to go knock on this guy's door? And, uh, she was like, he's like this little like nerdy, whatever. So I was like, Oh, good, good.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
So I go, I knock on the door and I was like, and she kind of came with me, which I didn't think was a good idea. And, uh, he opens the door, you know, with kind of like, I don't want like trouble thing. And I was like, I was like, no, no, I just got to like, you have to, you're supposed to give like 50 bucks, I guess like 25 for each of us or something like that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I see the concept, but how could it be strong enough that you're really getting that clean? Oh, it's hitting you, bro. It's strong, bro. Dude, if you moved, it would go like seven feet in the air. Really? Yeah, I think it fucking launches in your ass.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
They have the street team job for... It's the lowest level. It's the lowest level job you could have for having to go out and bark people into your church.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Have you guys read Lawrence Wright's book about it? I don't think so. It's called Going Clear. Oh, I saw the documentary. The documentary, the HBO thing. Yeah, the documentary basically tells you all you need to hear. Thank God. It's such a strange religion. But here's the thing about it, man. This is what's weird about religions.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Oh, ew, it's crawling. And then all of a sudden it just takes flight and comes at you.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
If you want to live in a big city, that's just part of the program. Can't get rid of them. Can't get rid of the rats either. It's not like anyone's incompetent. It's too deep. You would have to move out.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Let the rats have it. Yeah, you'd have to move out and then nuke it from space.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
There's some gross animals. I live a little closer to the city in Jersey. I get some gross animals, too. You're one of them. Puerto Ricans. What are the things that was a big problem in New York last summer?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
They look like moths with like a red underbelly or something.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
And one of the ones that come up every like however many years, they come up out of the ground.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
They make really cool sounds, except you find they're like carcasses, like the hollowed out carcasses of their bodies all over the place.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
But they're not trying to run through your bathroom.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
This is my, you know, I'm a moron, but I occasionally have these moments where I'm like, I think I know what the fuck is going on. If you really believe it, it benefits your life. Even if it's hot nonsense. Even if it's a 14-year-old kid who finds golden tablets that contain the lost work of Jesus and only he can read it because he has a magic rock.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Do they land right on your face, on your head, on your body?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Oh, great. Did they come over in some sort of a cargo ship or something?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
They're pretty cool looking. Maybe they can vaccinate us that way. Genetically engineer mosquitoes to run around vaccinating people.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah, it's not fun. I'm a real chick when it comes to bugs and creepy things. You're normal.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
People who like bugs are weird. They are weird. People keep bugs in their house. Like, look, it's a tarantula. I'm going to feed it a mouse. You fucking psychopath. What the fuck is wrong with you?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I had a buddy who hooked up with this girl and she had a crocodile monitor. She had a crocodile monitor in her house. It's a pet. You can keep it as a pet. Wait, what is it? It's a crocodile monitor. It's the creepiest looking lizard that you could buy from an exotic pet store. You could buy them. You could have that. This girl apparently had that. He was like, yo, red flag.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
This lady thought she was on Games of Thrones. She had her own dragon.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah, women are caregivers. A lot of women are, at least. They get chimps? They wanted to keep these chimps and raise them. This lady, this fucking chimp, attacked her friend, tore her face off. Oh, is that the 911 call? Yeah, one of them.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Oh my God, that one is horrifying. The point is, that lady got a chimp after that.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
She missed having her chimp. They're cool. It got murdered.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I went to the Doc Antle's place down in Myrtle Beach with my son. It was in the Tiger King documentary. But they didn't just have tigers. They had the baby tigers, which was awesome. But they had chimps that came out. It was a really, really cool experience.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah. No, it was definitely, they were torturing these animals, but it was definitely worth the $500 I spent to get it. Nice.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
They castrate those chimps, too. Most of them. That one in Connecticut, though, they didn't.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah, they're way more aggressive. They're not castrate. I had the guys on. The guys who made the documentary for the show.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I kept asking him what did they dip like why didn't you show that they dipped and Like, they just drank that stuff.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
But if you get enough of those people, they make great neighbors.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
They listen to things, too. She could say, grab that paper, and he'll grab the paper and give it back to her, give her the garbage when she'd give him McNuggets and shit. But she has to keep them in a cage. Because he's a male. He's a grown male. And they'll just go crazy and just rip your face off. And there's nothing you can do about it.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
They were giving them Kool-Aid at Doc Antle's place. They were chugging the Kool-Aid, these chimps. They were fucking, they loved it. And they were really scared, dude.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
like it fucking works man they just want their kids to go to school but here's my question is it better to be an atheist and to be this person who just like objectively looks at the world and like none of this makes sense there's no way there could be a god I think when you die you die and that guy's fucking miserable that guy's taking medication and all of his friends think he's annoying I'm a devout atheist and you're right about all that laughing
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
No, but like they came down and they were just so like kind of like walking around us They were full so they were like six feet tall. It was fucking dude.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
That's terrifying Yeah, they were full-grown champs They were full-grown champs And they they just felt at any moment that they could just lose their shit and just take over if they just wanted to at any moment They could just attack you then that's what you ever see that one with the guy was like with his bear He had a trained bear He had this guy stand still and the guys just stand still the bear just decides to rip his neck off Just out of nowhere
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
You have a joke about it, right, Joe, from back in the day? Yeah, but that's a different one. That's a different one. That's the karate, the guy with the karate gi. This is different. This is a guy who's just standing there, and it's a bear that was in a bunch of movies. It was a bear that was a trained bear. And this bear, out of nowhere, just decides to rip this guy's throat apart.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
They still kill people. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're also terrified. They killed a kid at Rutgers. It is so funny.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
No plows. No salt trucks. When we had the big freeze the first year I moved here, they did nothing.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
And he just decided to beat the fuck out of that little kid. And it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Right? That's what they do. Yeah, they bite your fingers off. Yeah, they tear your genitals off so you can't procreate anymore.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
They'll bite your feet off. Yeah, really. Crazy shit. Don't keep them as pets. You know what they don't do? They don't kill people. Isn't that crazy? They just maim you. Just rip you apart. That's what's really nuts. They don't kill people? They don't kill people. There's very few instances of chimpanzees killing people.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
These guys are saying they kill people as far as little kids get snatched up in Africa. If you're a child, like a baby, and you're near aggressive, hungry chimpanzees, and you leave the kid alone, they'll steal your kid. That's wild. There's been instances of them stealing kids. Well, they eat monkeys all the time.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
The way they do it. They didn't know they did it until Attenborough went into the woods and he started filming. And then he got this footage of these chimps setting up an ambush on these monkeys. And they rip them apart while they're alive. Yeah, they torture them to death. So he's like got them alive and he's just eating them.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Fucking dick first just pulling chunks of meat off of them It's when they're ripping arms off and handing it to their friends, and you see that It's just because we're so related to them.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
It's so much more gruesome, but like I did I watch like nature's metal It's a great follow an Instagram And I just did I watch a fucking a lion like eat a baby out of an antelope stomach and like just swallow it like a pill You're like oh, that's awesome horrible Komodo dragons are the scariest they just swallow everything whole Fucking All four legs are hanging out of the mouth still, yeah.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
No highs, no lows. Especially when you see, like, a bird.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Dude, you just ate a fucking goat! Like... Dude, watching a bird eat a mammal is just one of the weirdest. It just doesn't look like it should happen. So it'll just be like a bird. It'll be like a seabird. It'll be like a seagull.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
You believe in a higher power? No, I don't not believe. That's what my girlfriend says when I ask her. I believe there's more to the universe and more to life than we can think of through our narrow field of perception. That's what I think. I think there's more to human contact and interaction than just people talking to each other.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
It'll pick up a squirrel and just... Rats. They kill rats all the time. They eat them, swallow them whole. There's crazy videos of seagulls swallowing rats whole.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Seagulls are going to eat your cat. They're going to eat everything. Once they run out of rats, but they won't. But that's one of the reasons why the Hollywood Hills aren't filled with rats. It's because of coyotes. Right. The more coyotes there are, the less rats.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Get out of here. What a pussy. They usually don't kill people. The last time a coyote killed a person on record was there was a Canadian folk singer. She lived in a part of Canada where the coyotes had started eating moose.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
because they were running out of things to eat, and they realized that if they bite on moose's legs, especially like young mooses, they could take them out, and then they could eat them and kill them. So they were going after things, they were accustomed to going after things larger than them.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Wow. And we know female folk singers, they are big.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I don't know if she was big. I don't think she was, in fact. I think she was pretty small.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Or they don't give a fuck about you. That's more likely. You live in a place where there's actual bears. New Jersey's so bad that the mayor ran on a platform of having the bear hunting be removed. And then once he was in office, he was like, fuck that, start hunting them again. Because there's so many human bear interactions.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
New Jersey has more bears per capita than anywhere in the lower 48 states. Really?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah, New Jersey. New Jersey's got a lot of bears, yeah. We've got a lot of crazy wildlife.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Or Jersey Shore became so big that when you say Jersey now, you're imagining the dyed hair and the fucking fist bumping guys.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
A lot of mountain people. Yeah, there's like rednecks in New Jersey. Oh, yeah.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Jim Miller, UFC fighter, lives in New Jersey in the woods. Yep. He lives in Sparta, New Jersey. That's crazy. That's crazy. That's crazy. Sparta. Everybody thinks smog stacks. You know, they think it's the smell.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I think there's a thinly veiled reality that we live in where we express our souls to each other. That's what I think. And I think it's a very complicated and confusing thing that's fucked up by lies and deception and violence and war. Well, so many of them, I think. And it's enhanced by friendship and love and communication. And it's weird...
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
That's where the world gets dark, right? You get born into a spot where there's fucking no way out of here. You know, you get stuck in the coal mines of West Virginia and you're like, shit. Like, how do I get out of here?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Because if you live in a big city, there's like people are dreaming and shit. If you're like in the middle of nowhere, it's like.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Or join a cult. Join a cult. You know, that's how you get someone in a cult. It's the best option available. You know? Like, hey, do you guys travel? Can I be a missionary? I want to go to Brazil. Fuck it.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
We're like three and a half hours in. Boys, it was a lot of fun.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Good times. Thank you. Really believe what I said about Skankfest. It's very important. What you guys are doing is very important. I know it seems like fun. It is fun, I'm sure.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
You need things out there that are... genuinely open and free and pushing the boundaries of comedy. And Skankfest is a great place for that. So it's important. So I appreciate you guys. Thank you so much. And there's a live stream event. Lewis, tell everybody about this.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
You can still get passes for Sunday, I believe. There might be a handful of Fridays left, but we're live streaming it as well. If you guys can't be there live in Las Vegas this weekend, September 27th or 29th, just go to skankfest.com. There's a bunch of events you could actually watch live as we stream them. And yeah, we're just pumped. Thank you.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Get your liver detox pills ready, you fucking animals.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Everyone's going to party like we've never done before.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Lifosomal glutathione. Get that. You're going to need that. All right. Gentlemen, appreciate you. Always fun. Good times. You're the man, Jeff. You're the man. Bye.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
There's a thing going on that's beyond just like you're born and you die. And if that thing keeps going when the physical body stops existing, I wouldn't be surprised.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Well, this guy turns out kid we could have a whole bunch of whole bunch of chicks And they always have to live next to each other and you yeah It was like racist up until like 30 years ago They were like black people were like the seed of the devil or whatever and then they change it.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah, but dude, two fours is an eight. When you know the guy who wrote it, that's when shit gets catchy.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
There's enough stories that are similar about the ancient stories of like apocalypses, like the stuff about like the Epic of Gilgamesh is real similar to Noah and the Ark. There's enough of those stories.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Jesus was like, they keep on just re-describing him from like thousands of years before Jesus was around. That story of him being the son of God and all that other stuff.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Jesus is a black woman. He could have been an alien.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah. Sure. That's the most Joe Rogan sentence I've ever heard. It could have been. Jesus could have been an alien. If there was someone who came here and didn't make any sense that he was born and he just existed but knew everything and was the son of God and was trying to straighten everybody out and then they kill him. He was like, all right, we tried. It literally could be an alien.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I mean, if you're thinking about how long ago this is, this is thousands of years of people telling a story, right? I mean, how long after Jesus is dead before they even write the new stuff?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
It was like hundreds of years after his death, right? At least 100 years after his death.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
There's a combination of that and then real events they're trying to document. So both things are true. Because they had a lot of shit going on back then. They didn't have to write fiction. They were getting killed by swords. People getting lit on fire and shot with arrows. There's not a time to be making shit up. Yeah, it's like, what happened to your brother?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Once in a while you gotta wind back and there's no video games. Listen, that's life then, though. You're not gonna write Harry Potter when you're getting slayed by the Romans. That's why you're fighting a lion.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
The dude can walk on water. He walked on fucking water. And then he put a guy's ear back on. Water into wine. Come on. Who's not happy with that idea?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
A lot of those miracles, I am studying magic right now for my magic show at Skank Fest, and I'm reading a book about magic, but a lot of those miracles that they talk about, it's theorized that they were just like magicians that were like doing tricks for people, and they would get like... By the way, Jesus Christ would be a great name for a magician if there was no Jesus Christ.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah, because it's got like a little bit of a Latin flair, because you know you could say it like Jesus. Mexicans are the only people that I know of, or I guess Spanish people as well, where they're named Jesus. It's literally Jesus. You can name your kid Jesus. How many Muslim kids are named Muhammad? A lot. It was the number one name for boys in Ireland a couple years ago. Muhammad?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah, Muhammad. It freaked people out. They're like, what? But you can't name your son, your American son, Jesus.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I know you legally can't name your child Jesus Christ. Oh, is that true?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Tell me the sketchiest feeling is not when you're in, like, Edmonton or some shit, and they have to spray that stuff on the wings.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
These are all names that are ruled illegal by courts within the U.S. Yep. So Bobby Green just got his name changed to King. He got his name legally changed to King Green.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Maybe not, because it said... Go back to that, please. But the states. But before that, it was like showing how many states... Does it say that?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
So it was just the way it was phrased in the earlier thing that you had. Okay, here it is. There's a handful of names that were ruled illegal by courts within the U.S. So that could be local courts.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
But imagine you can't even call your kid Santa Claus. How about Majesty? Imagine you can't call your kid Adolf Hitler.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
You could only call your kid Majesty if you are an R&B singer.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Is it just that spelling, though? Could I name my kid Messiah with an apostrophe in the middle?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Right, I bet you could. I bet you'd change the spelling. There you go. Messiah needs an apostrophe. Go back to that again. Let me see the list. What is the third? You can't be the third? Just Roman numeral three?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
And you're like, yo, like, there's a real, because it's kind of a misty, freezing rain thing going on. You're like, there's a real possibility, like, you know, fucking one in a thousand, one in a hundred thousand chance that those fucking things aren't going to go up because they're frozen stuck, so they have to spray it.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Can't you can't be the Roman numeral three that can't be your name is that come up a lot, so they had to make it illegal There's third album they'll let you in the border, but whatever you do don't use that number three thing that Roman three That's fucked up dude. You can't call your baby Maybe Roman number three. But like two and four are okay? Okay.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
North Dakota man named Michael Herbert Dangler, who was adopted, wanted to change his name to these four numbers, which held philosophical and personal significance for him. State court rejected his name change request in 1976, saying numbers can't be used, can't be names due to potential confusion.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Well, he calls his son X, but it's like a bunch of other letters, too. Bro, imagine if you were that guy's son, but you were a moron. That would suck. God, that would suck.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Sometimes you just, you know, fuck dad. I don't even want to lift weights.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
If you're Arnold Schwarzenegger, you have so much privilege. I would just never want to lift weights at that point. I can never imagine building the foundation as a young Schwarzenegger to be like, I'm just going to work really hard now at something.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Right, because you're born inside that house. Yeah. You're half Kennedy, half Schwarzenegger. That's crazy.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
There's a thing about the way you name your kid that someone brought up the other day. Fuck, I wish I remember who was saying this. But there's an actual principle to it, and I think it's based on Chet Hanks. It's like calling him Chaz. Just sets him up to be a Chaz.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Well, isn't Chaz Palmer, is that his full name? Is that how you say it, or is it a shortened version?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
There's certain names that are associated. I have an ex-girlfriend. I won't even say her name. This is how crazy she is. Every girl I've ever met with this name is a crazy bitch, but she's so crazy that I refuse to say her name out loud.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
It's fucking great. It's fun as shit, man. Enough nostalgia. I heard the reviews are not good. That's probably why you like it. I heard the reviews were all right.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I didn't hear about the reviews until after I saw it, though. I didn't know anything about it. I just went in cold. It was great.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
That was like the female Ghostbusters. Everyone hated it so much that I watched it on a flight.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I was like, it wasn't that bad. It was kind of fun. But Beetlejuice is better than that. Beetlejuice is really good. The female Ghostbusters were terrible. It's fucking great, man. It's on par with the original movie. It's Tim Burton at his best. It's really good, man. I fucking enjoyed the shit out of it. When I heard that people didn't like it, I was like, really?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
No, that's not true. So they wanted to make sure that he wasn't in it anymore. Because in the first movie, he was only in it for 13 minutes, a total, right? Yeah. So they were like, they didn't want to change that element. So they purposely made it so he was in it for around the same amount of time.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
And what would happen if those things didn't go up?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah, all that fucking number stock is nonsense. The movie's fun. You don't give a shit if he's in there. Winona Ryder's great. Everybody's great. It's a fucking fun movie, man. And it's Tim Burton at his weird best. It's very weird. Winona Ryder's a wild one. No one trusted Alec Baldwin on set anymore.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I met Winona Ryder on the streets in New York City when I was selling comedy club tickets right after she got arrested for shoplifting. That was the most bizarre thing ever. Because you could have got her? Maybe. You're like oh my god. She has the same likes as me what she was in like get afford to buy you makeup you crazy, bitch But it's just genuinely like craziness right cuz she's rich.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
She was a movie star at that time She didn't need the money.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
It's a thrill. It's I think it's for a lot of people. It's a thrill thing What's the last thing you stole Joe I stole a candy bar when I was 13, and that's the last thing yeah Pulled me into a back room and I was terrified I And I didn't even know what I was doing. I was just doing it because I thought I could get away with it. We were fucking young kids walking around.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
12-year-old boys should not be left alone. Yeah. For their own devices. I used to rob cars.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
When I was 12 years old, me and my friends would break into cars in the ShopRite parking lot and just clear out all the change in the center console.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
All it takes is one bad kid in the neighborhood that's fun.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Dude, pre-internet, porn was like gold. When you're a kid at that age, were you, because we had a magazine that we found in the woods and another kid stole it from us. Every kid.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah, then I had that one at home for a little while, and I used to live in a shitty apartment, so I had, like, a drop ceiling. So I used to keep it inside of my ceiling to hide it from my mom. And I would just... It was, like, literally covered in mud and...
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Water did you guys see that shit that was going down in Philadelphia yesterday? We're one of those street takeovers. I saw a video Car drives towards it and hits his lights and thinks he's gonna get them to scatter and they just jump all over the car I didn't see that video.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
They're doing check this out. Look so the cop there's the they've got a street takeover So they just decided to stay in the middle of street and block traffic. Oh, is it a protest? No, I don't know what they're doing I think they're just getting crazy I don't know if they're protesting anything. I think it's just a group of kids just decided to get crazy. This is the United States of America.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Well, that's why it was such a big deal, the miracle on the Hudson. It was a miracle that the guy was able to land the plane when the engines went out, right?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
If you saw that this was happening in Ecuador, you'd be like, yo, Ecuador is out of control. But no, this is the United States of America in Philadelphia. Watch what happens to this cop car. Wait, go back a little bit. What was the person who spun out with a person hanging off the car? They're going crazy. It's a street takeover. They're doing that with their cars. That's what they're doing.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
So they block traffic and then they spin around in circles in their cars and they organize it. So this cop tries to break it up and they just fuck this cop's car up, dude. Hundreds of kids.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I mean, if you are in that situation, and you're parked in your car in, like, traffic, because there's, like, fucking... If I'm a cop? No, but if you're not a cop. If I'm a cop, I'm right now. I'm just starting to blast everybody for the windshield. You can't shoot enough people. There's hundreds of people. They'll get you, and they'll kill you.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
And that's because that guy was, like, a real serious pilot. Yeah. That guy really knew how to fucking fly a plane.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
You might be able to get three of them. The first time I've seen someone with authority... John Wick, dude, just headshots. Bro, it'd be such a wild panic knowing you only have 12 bullets. Oh, my God.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
That's one of my biggest fears, that I'm going to be with my son, and I'm going to get chumped out by tougher men than me.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
It's the most horrifying thing in the world, dude. Look at this video, and imagine if you're a person that just was going to see your aunt, got in your car, and got stuck behind this. You had no idea you're going to be trapped in this kind of traffic, and they're just going to block off the street for who knows how long.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
The Uber driver dropped off at the wrong spot. This one might be on me. About halfway.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I just have to join them to start doing fucking donuts. Also that people, I mean, Jesus Christ.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
That's my car on fire. The likelihood of one of these kids getting run over is very high. It happens all the time. All the time. They get hit by cars all the time. They go flying through the air. It's like a dumb thing that they do. Are these stolen cars? Yeah, they're stolen cars. But these guys get so close to each other that they hit each other all the time. All the time.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
If he was a trans woman from a third world country, he'd be the greatest hero of all time.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Boom! If you're a teenager, it does look like it's a lot of fun.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Oh, look, man, if you don't have a dad and your mom's a cunt and she does meth, yeah, I'd be there, too. It's a nice cut loose. Dude, being in the middle right there, dude.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I would be there, too. Imagine being in the middle right there. You'd feel like a king.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah, if your dad beats you. You know, if your dad's an alcoholic who just beats the shit out of you and the only love you get is from your friends on the streets. Yeah, I'd be doing that too.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Are you sure that he doesn't give it back to him after they stop filming so that it's not a crime and it's just a stunt?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
This happens all the time in New York. This happened to a former Miss New York. She was in the park and these two young, maybe Puerto Rican kids or black kids, they come up and like, hey, we're trying to sell candy for our basketball team, that old scam. And then she was like, I don't have any cash. They were like, oh, you could send us a Zelle. And she was like, sure.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
And then they got her to give them their phone and then they just sent themselves $2,000 on her Zelle and handed her phone back and just ran away. And they just couldn't get the money back.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I know. I wasn't sure if they were black or Puerto Rican.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
You gotta have laws, kids. It's dangerous out there. You leave people to their own devices, and you get that shit. You get people going wild in the streets. It's very scary.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I was a handful of decisions away from being at one of those things when I was a kid.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
There's a high likelihood that young man's involved in other questionable activities.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I mean, my childhood wasn't crazy far from that. I mean, it wasn't, I just wasn't with that crew, but I was doing pretty, like, rancid shit. I was stealing and... You guys just couldn't afford to pull that off.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Well, it wasn't a thing. It wasn't a thing back then. Like, that's only been a thing for the last, like, how many years, Jamie? Street takeovers.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
When I was a kid, there was none of that. No one ever blocked the street and did donuts. Yeah, yeah. You did donuts in the school parking lot if you knew where the cops were.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah, that's true. That's true. That's true. That's true.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
So they first occurred from the streets of Oakland during the mid-1980s, back in the olden days.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah, I think them stealing the cars is probably more of a newer thing.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Back in the day, it was like a car show, essentially.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah. In the 70s and 80s, they'd have the ones with the hydraulics and shit. Yeah. That would happen.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
How weird is it that it's an argument whether or not drag queens should be reading books to kids? What's the upside of that? Yeah, like, why? Whose idea was this? Can we talk to the first person who came up with this idea? Like, what?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Also, you didn't really sell it. If I was at an audition, I'd be like, Big J, next time. I want you to be in the moment. You're rapping about these things. You really feel this. You feel very strongly about these issues.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Some of the fucking 90 stuff still holds up man. Oh, yeah, most of it does yeah, you know I listen to the other day Tim dog Tim Dogg, remember that guy?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
He was like the first guy who went against the guys from Compton. Was he based out of LSU? No, he was a New York guy. Yeah, he had a song called Fuck Compton. I was pretty ballsy at the time.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Well, those beefs, they would go to actual shooting each other. That's what's the craziest thing. Like never in the history of show business was there a scenario where stars were having other stars murdered, like openly.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah. It's easier to become like a like a quote-unquote star on the internet now So a lot of these guys are like getting really popular and then getting killed like young Wildest conspiracy theory about that has to do with intelligence agencies Oh that the CIA made them gangster and shit like that.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah that they funded it and promoted it because they wanted to fill prisons It's the wildest But if you wanted to destabilize society and you get kids, like young kids, who we're talking about, dumb, stupid, real easily influenced, don't know what the fuck's going on, and you introduce them to rap music, it will most certainly change the way they think about life.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
And it's funny, because I listen to a lot of hip hop when I work out, but it's like, I'll be listening to the most hardcore shit, and I'm just like, this is nice, let me turn up the treadmill a little bit. But if you're in the hood, it's just inspiring you to murder people and rob banks.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
My favorite workout rap is Nas because the lyrics are so good. It gets you hyped up You know a guy like that's the thing about the 90s hip-hop.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
It was like so lyrically based You gotta listen to any beef raps any beef raps are the best to work out to just like and I take no sides
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Remember when Ice Cube put out No Vaseline? Bro, you do not want to get in one of those rap battles with Ice Cube.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah. Sit and listen to the story, honey. At the very least, I've met some very nice drag queens. But at the very least, it's an odd choice that might be one that someone's out of their fucking mind chooses. It's a possibility, right? It's not zero.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Didn't he do a lot of the writing for NWA? I think all of it. All of it.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
You know, I'm friends with Willie D from... Ghetto Boys. Ghetto Boys, and he wrote everything. He wrote most of their songs. He told me he wrote Fuck a War in 45 minutes. We were talking about it on the podcast, and he sent me a text. He goes, I wrote Fuck a War in 45 minutes. I just sat down, and I was like, Motherfucker War. Have you ever heard that song? Yeah, I can't remember.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Where Bushwick Bill's getting recruited? Oh, bro, we got to play it.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
he goes that's the end word I'll be seeing in my sleep that's not even that crazy look at what Jamie just pulled up Jamie the investigative journalist that he is just pulled up that Ice Cube formed his first rap group called CIA in 1986 wow Oh my God. Coincidence? It's all right in front of us.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Man. Gotta connect the dots, bro. Gotta connect the dots. Everyone's saying that about Puffy now, like every interview with Puffy. He's just like, just being a little bit weird, but everyone's like, it was right in front of you, bro. He was letting us know the whole time.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
It was so bad. Dude, let me hear Fuck a War. This is one of my all-time favorite war songs. Bushwick Bill was fun, because he was like a South Park character. He could say the wildest shit, because he looked different, and you're like, ah, let him say it. He's a tiny guy.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yes. That's why he has no eye. Yes, crazy. Crazy. When I used to deliver newspapers, I used to listen to this. On cassette, son.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Well, I went to one. It's almost like we actually did a sketch. We did a thing called Legion of Sketch where we performed dirty comedy to kids in a library. And that was the whole point is that we were like, you know, it's an adult job. You know what I'm saying? It's not meant for little kids.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
My uncle had a route, and I would go with him like 2 o'clock in the morning.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
And the amount that I cursed him because we thought it was the wrong spot, I mean... That's on me.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Throw him out the window? Yeah. Dave Smith, you should go on stage to this. I am loving it. Oh, it's great. Give me a little more.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
It's so funny. This was like hard in the 80s. Yeah.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Where's her side of that story? That can't be her first mistake. She's made a lot of mistakes. That's the end of a long series of bad, bad mistakes. You don't just get there because you won the lottery. He takes his eye out. You got to do the work. You want to get into a position where you're fucking being forced to shoot your tiny man's eyeball out?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Jesus Christ. What, you crazy tiny asshole? Jesus Christ. Willie's got some great Bushwick stories. That was a guy that I wanted to get on the podcast, but he got sick. Like right when we were talking to his people, he apparently got sick. Bush McBill? Yeah, and he went up in the hospital. I'm like, God damn, that would have been a good one. How old was he when he died? It was a few years back.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Did you ever get Scarface? No, I'd love to have him on. You ever see the Tiny Desk thing he did?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Fucking incredible. You know that Tiny Desk performance thing they do? But Scarface did it and, like, slowed everything down to fit with the vibe of being in this, like, really tight thing. And so it was like, you know, he's always been a great writer. Give me some of this.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
So somebody wearing makeup and even though it's not inherently sexual what they're doing in that moment, it's like what their whole thing is meant for a nightclub for adults.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
How does it feel, Jay? How does it feel to be on the other end of it? I don't like it one bit.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
It's way better than like... Jay, you're the only person that hasn't evolved since high school. I am.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Oh, they got it. Okay. See, back in the day, when we did it 15 years ago, dude, they were fucking savages. So I think the gathering of the jugglers crowd has gotten older. They're all 40 now. So it's like, they're like, okay, if you don't want us to throw stuff, we won't. Which is great.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
We did it 15 years ago when we were just so young in comedy, and we didn't know what it was. It was midnight in a tent in the woods with the insane clown posse. It was a comedy tent. It's still that. I know, I know. But now they know who we are. I mean, they had a guy, a clown pick us up in a van. DeRosa talks about it in his, he has that joke on his specials.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
So they pick you up in a van. It's the scariest thing ever. You're like, it's just pitch black in the woods in the darkness. And when they put us up there, like, these people aren't there for comedy. They're there for this whatever experience. So they just start throwing, like, just cans of soda and beer and alcohol.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah, just like whoever the person happens to be. So I guess the argument for it would be this is what makes these people happy. We should normalize the fact that they want to dress up like very flamboyant women. We should normalize.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
He's like, dude, just because I was going first. He was like, I'm like a year in comedy. He's like, Jay's like, just go up there and do jokes. Don't just go up in there and smoke weed and do crowd work. It was like me. And it was Vecchione, who's like a straight up joke guy. So he was like, you're going to set us up to fail if you don't do jokes.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
So within 10 seconds, like a beer can whizzed past my head. I was like, oh, is that weed? And I smoked weed with them for five minutes.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Isn't it amazing, though, that you could just, if you just create a place where anybody can join. you're gonna get a group of people. Whether it's the insane clown posse or the Mormons. If you just throw an open net. I respect the Juggalos more than the Mormons. I think they're similar. They're more happy being Juggalos than they are if Juggalos didn't exist.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
That's on me because I should have got you guys the car service. We have the car service. It takes guys all... I figured you guys were already here. You had transportation.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
If you've ever listened to the Insane Clown Posse's music, it is unironically pretty awesome. I'm not gonna like I thought I was gonna hate it, but every song it rules.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
But if you wanted to take the other side's position, what would you say? You would say, hey, this is fine to do that. It's fine to do that. This episode of the Joe Rogan Experience is brought to you by Call of Duty Black Ops 6. Dive into a twisted 90s spy thriller in the latest Call of Duty game on October 25th. Black Ops is back.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
And they're kind of the only band that's ever pulled off having like a whole festival.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
It's them and us. Without us doing The Gathering of the Juggalos, we wouldn't have even done Skank Fest. There's so much influence from The Gathering of the Juggalos, and our audience, there's a lot of crossover. In fact, I'll say it now because it's too late for people to even go, but our secret guest is the Insane Clown Posse on Thursday night at the kickoff party.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Oh, that's amazing. It's going to be sick. That's amazing. Dude, Legion of Skanks is one of the most important things in comedy. You guys really are. Thank you. You really are. I put you guys in the same, like, there's this brackets of, like, Kill Tony, Legion of Skanks.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
There's a thing about having these battlegrounds where you go, no, no, no, we're going to say what we would say if we were fucking around together. Like, you can deal with it or you cannot deal with it, but this is how we would, the conversations we're having are exactly like green room conversations.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
We were just opening the door a little bit to say fucked up shit, and people would come on our show. I mean, the amount of times people were like, dude, should I have not said that on your show after they leave?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
But you guys did a wise thing, too, though, because you were subscription-based, right? So for the longest time, if you wanted to find out what you guys were talking about, you had to subscribe. So you had, like, loyal subscribers.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
We have our own platform, and we put out the version on YouTube. We put it out on iTunes, but we play by the rules there. So we edit out all the shit you can't say on those platforms, and if you want to see the real version the way that we do it, you got to go subscribe.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
And honestly, with YouTube, the way they started censoring everything, it actually now, because we've been doing this for like eight years, but now more than ever, a platform like we have is more important than ever, because now YouTube is super strict with everything we do. We have to bleep things. We have to censor things. There's certain topics we can't even put in the podcast.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
It's so wild that there's only really one YouTube.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Like if you had to predict at the beginning of the internet when they first started putting videos and like those little media players you'd get with Windows, who the fuck would have ever thought there would only be one streaming site that anybody cares about?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
So, like, Google is, like, the search engine, but, like, there's a whole bunch of other ones, but no one... Well, Google also bought out YouTube, and, I mean, they... It was so smart the way they did it, but, yeah, like, you can't go to... No offense to Rumble, like... When you put the podcast on Rumble, nobody watches it.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Well, the YouTube thing, though, it's like they have it so dialed in with like the recommendations and there's constant. You could go down rabbit hole after rabbit hole after rabbit hole and never find the end and be endlessly entertained. And it encourages you to keep looking at other stuff, keep showing you other stuff constantly.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
It's not even like the industry. The industry has become tech nerds that are in charge of all these algorithms. And who knows how it works? Who knows when they just pick and choose and what they...
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
That is such a weird one. That is such a weird one when you sit down with young kids that don't know what the fuck they're talking about. They've never been on camera ever, and you give them a microphone. It's, you know, even if they're willing to sign the release, 19-year-olds don't know what the fuck they're saying. Well, the one girl was getting dominated.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Not only that, but then that girl now is internet famous. Right. So did she really understand what she was doing? Like, did you understand what the consequences of that are when you're 19 or whatever age is?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
It's almost like when you ever see a comedian who's like a kid, like a 16 or a 15-year-old kid, I just have a hard time ever really enjoying him because I'm going like, you have no idea. You've lived absolutely no experiences. You have no perspective on the world or anything. Maybe you understand how to tell a joke, but it's kind of, yeah.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I became friends with Chappelle when he was 19. I saw Chappelle when he was 19. He was also a savant, though. He was, but he also did a thing that was really interesting where he would do outside shows. He would just throw a hat down and start doing stand-up on the street. No, anywhere. He did it in Montreal. He did it right in front of the Club Soda.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
We did a show, and then Chappelle goes outside and fucking does stand-up to people in the street. And they all gathered around, and he was doing stand-up in the street in Montreal. Crushing. And this was him at 19? Yeah. So no, he's not famous at all. Maybe he was a couple years older by then. Well, 19 he got his first deal. So this was 94, I want to say.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I did the Montreal Comedy Festival with him, and I met him in like 91, somewhere around then. So how old was Dave in 1991? Yeah.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Dude, it was crazy. Like, he would do this thing where he would just do stand-up out to people. He was 19. He would just do stand-up on the street. It was the craziest thing you'd ever seen, man.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
It's still a biological man who's dressed up like a woman who's reading things to kids. It's like the odds of this being 100% really rational, fascinating person that's going to read books to your kid or someone who's out of their fucking mind. It's not like a 0% thing. It's like something you should be kind of concerned about.
The Joe Rogan Experience
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If anybody did that now and put it on video, we would all mock them.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
He learned how to do it from Charlie Barnett. And Charlie Barnett was like a famous New York comic that got on Saturday Night Live but couldn't read.
The Joe Rogan Experience
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And I think he influenced Dave a lot in that, too, that he saw Charlie doing those.
The Joe Rogan Experience
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That poor guy, man, because he was super talented, supposedly.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Oh, yeah, for sure. But Tony Woods still is hilarious, too. He's great.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
He's doing the festival this year, right? He was there last year. Yeah, yeah. He's awesome.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
He did my podcast, and then we went to the Vulcan and did a show, and he murdered, man. It was hilarious.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Charismatic, though. He's just so good at engaging the crowd.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
If I'm screaming at the top of my lungs, there's no chance I'm going to win.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
But isn't that your personality? That's more of your personality. This isn't true. Imagine if you were forced to do Stephen Wright's act. You'd be like, this is not me. But for Stephen Wright, it's perfect.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
You're Steven Wright. It's the fucking best act ever.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Well, Jay, you're very low energy. You kind of bring them into you, but you sit down, which is like a... That's by design, though, because... You're lazy.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
That actually does make sense. And also, they're sitting down, too. Why are you standing up? Well, you're not moving around. Unless you have some activity in your act. If you've got some activity, if you've got some things you've got to act out a little bit, I get it.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
direct finger point you know what i'm talking about i know what i'm saying those are good those juice the old act up yeah man it's uh it's interesting now too because like kill tony's sort of a similar situation as getting interviewed by charlie kirk some of these fucking dudes for their first time ever they do stand up and it's at madison square garden oh And they're just like, what the fuck?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
And they go out there, and they're just frozen in the eyes of 16,000 people, and that's going to be them forever. Everybody at work's like, look at Mikey Bauman. Look at Mikey Bauman. This fucking idiot thought he was funny. And then the comments, all your neighbors.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
If it was a stripper reading books to a kid... Or an ex-convict. Yeah, you would just go like, yeah, it's just not like... The whole thing that's interesting about it is you take this fish out of water, and I just don't think you should be experimenting with kids.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I remember he was like, whatever it is, dude, shall I kill Tony? If you're good looking, it's held against you pretty quickly. Fuck you, dude. Where are your burn scars? Like the rest of Earth.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Well you see someone that's good-looking, and they're gonna spotlight on fuck you.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
It's like a natural Subconscious I think we good-looking people we want to grease the wheels for a little bit good-looking people have a habit pretty easy in life In comedy, it's just a weird thing It's just you almost give them a little humor is the weapon of the not good-looking person so like counter at this so you're immediately going like
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
How about guys on parole for violent crimes? How about have them read to kids?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
It's a personality trait to get laid. We all learn to be funny when we're kids because we're not good looking enough to get laid without it.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
It's easier to get funny. I love when really good looking actors tell you who to vote for. They're my favorite. They're my favorite. These are the guys with all the wisdom. And then they're going to tell you the same. They're the same guys told you get vaccinated, too, by the way.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
If they look from the future, if we go into apocalyptic times, do you think they'll look back on the shutting down of the country for a year and a half as the trigger that made society begin to collapse?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
How about corrupt politicians? Have them read to kids.
The Joe Rogan Experience
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Do you think historians, objective historians, do you think they'll look back at this time and be like, this was the fall of Rome?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I think it's the internet. The internet is the beginning of the end for everything. Yeah, but it's not.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Because the internet didn't shut the fucking country down for a year and a half. The internet didn't do that.
The Joe Rogan Experience
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That's the way they shared the ideas that quickly.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah, but it's a very specific group of people who decided that was a good idea.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Without the internet, they would have pulled that off so much easier. They would have scared the shit out of you. You would never know. Yeah, but this happened in the 1980s. You would never know how many people died on respirators. You would never know about any of that shit. You wouldn't know about a goddamn thing they didn't want you to know about. That's what's so scary about the media today.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
When you hear about the Spanish flu, you're like, how do you know how many people died? There was no internet. There was no way.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
How about CEOs have been arrested for embezzlement? How about them reading to kids? How about all kinds of maybe cool, maybe cool, but maybe super fucking sketchy people reading stories to kids? You know, there's a lot. We could go with a lot of them.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Bro, living back then, you were fucked. If you lived in the city, the hygiene was insanely bad. People would shit in these outhouses that were set up for the block. There was all sorts of diseases. They never present that.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Everybody smelled like shit. You had a shit in the hole in the ground. They hadn't even invented toilet paper back then.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
It's a big hairy bush. It stinks. I guess you'd just be like a dog. I'm going to put my chin in your shit-covered ass cheeks and eat your disgustingly smelly hairy pussy. Dogs don't give a shit what anything smells like, and I guess you just get used to stuff. I guess so.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
It was probably hot, dude. Dude, a stinky pussy was probably hot in the 1600s.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
By 1880, horses in New York City deposited four million pounds of manure on city streets every day. In dry weather, it would turn to fecal dust and choke pedestrians. Vacant lots were filled with the waste. These manure piles would rise up to 60 feet high.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
60 feet high. Dude, if you fell from 60 feet, you're dead.
The Joe Rogan Experience
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Oh my God, you're breathing shit air. Everyone was sick.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Isn't it amazing, though, that the invention of the internal combustion engine and the adoption of cars by everybody and the abandonment of driving horses literally stopped there from being shit air throughout every city street? Shit air. Hot summertime shit air. I was born in Newark. I've been there. It's not much better smelling in Newark. I lived there in the 1990s.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Was it bad when you lived there? I lived with my grandfather to save enough money to get an apartment. When I first moved to New York, I didn't have enough money for an apartment. And my grandfather lived on North 9th Street in Newark. And he was there from the blockbusting days. So he bought a house there like in the 1940s or 50s.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
And then in the 60s they came by and they said black people are moving into your neighborhood. Sell now. And it was like a real estate scam. And then they would try to sell to black people and just like get money out of all these houses. My grandfather was – it was an Italian community. My grandfather was like, I love black people. I don't give a fuck. Get out of here. This is my house.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
And he wasn't moving. And so all these people – Your grandfather was old enough.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
What do you mean? Yeah, when he moved here, he came here straight from Italy and he told me it was horrific. The term WAP, I always think it was funny. If you say around him, he would get angry. Someone called somebody a guinea, he would get angry.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
People convicted of violent assault, but they wouldn't do it again. It was a bad move.
The Joe Rogan Experience
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Exactly. He was a peaceful guy, but he would just get, like, that was a terrible thing that they used to call us when we were kids. But, you know, that's, like, that's not that long ago, man. No, it's all... That's what's really crazy.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
And they did do these scams. They did, it was like a lot of it was like pushed by these real estate guys and they would like purposely fuck up a neighborhood to make money off of it. And then there was redlining, where they wouldn't sell to black people outside certain lines. That was a Baltimore issue, too.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
My grandma was openly racist. She didn't give a shit. My Aunt Emery, to this day, she's a little racist.
The Joe Rogan Experience
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I think the penalty of being a Puerto Rican that's racist is less than the penalty of being an Irish. No, she was Italian. She was Italian. I'm half Italian-Irish. Oh, okay.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah, yeah. And no, they would literally, I would be at the dinner table and I remember one Thanksgiving my grandma said, because I was getting picked on by white kids in the neighborhood because it was like a white trash neighborhood and I was the only brown kid. And my grandma was like, you know, it's not his fault that he's an N-word.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Don't you do this, Jay. Have you guys seen that Matt Walsh movie? Am I racist? I haven't seen the new one.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
It's a top 10 movie in the country right now. I think it's like, what number is it? Well, the first one was great. Which is crazy. Dude, it's got no press. No press reviews on Rotten Tomatoes, but customer views is 99%, which is wild. Like, no one will review it. Why? Because it's funny. And he's not being sanctimonious. He's not like talking down to people or preaching to them.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
He's just showing how nutty all these fucking people on these struggle sessions with white people. The other one was great. Dude, it's just like, I think it's better. It's better than that because this one's really funny. What is a woman at certain times who was like,
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
But he's essentially doing a right-wing version of one of those Sacha Baron Cohen type shows. Yep. He's essentially doing that. He's sitting down with these people, and he's pretending that he is with them, and he wants to know how he could do better.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Number seven number seven in the fucking country with no press it made two and a half million this weekend Do you know how nutty that is to have no press and have a show? Take off and become a top ten movie in the country. It's pretty wild and no press reviews at all This it's an interesting time man. It's interesting
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
They've tried to boil it down. I think I saw somebody do this the other day to try to come up with a logical explanation. It was something really ridiculous. Although recognizing that there are biological differences, a woman is anybody who tells you they're a woman.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
While recognizing, so this is like the loophole, while recognizing that Harry probably can't get pregnant, he is now Harrietta, and that's just it. That's just it. There's no conversation that can be had here. And in some countries they're talking about jailing people. Was it Scotland that had something about, a proposal about literally jailing people for misgendering people?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
You'll never be more racist. Tattoos on the faces are no go. It's not like being an MMA fighter. It's like, you might be cool. You might be a cool person. Sugar Sean O'Malley could pull it off. Post Malone could pull it off. But not the fucking baby sugar. I'm considering getting a tattoo on my face at Skank Fest. That's a good idea.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
But they were talking about putting people in a fucking cage.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Find out where that was. Was that in Scotland? No, it didn't.
The Joe Rogan Experience
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I was three steps away from racing my cars and doing donuts and also three steps away from becoming trans.
The Joe Rogan Experience
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Yeah, it's good. They're just like Moonies. By the way, you can join up, man. You can join up. I just wanted to fit in with somebody.
The Joe Rogan Experience
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Maybe, possibly. Bro, you would have been a tough sale as a chick.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
No, dude, I look good as a chick. First of all, me and Dave dressed up as chicks years ago to make fun of the guys we fucked podcasts. We mocked them. We did. We did a sketch dressing up as them, and I looked fucking good.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I'm sure you did, but there's not a lot of dudes that are going to want to climb you. I'm telling you right now, you're an intimidating lady. You're a big lady, man. You're a scary lady. Yeah, if I decided to go to a lady, I'd have to date. Claiming the new Scottish law with jail people for misgendering is false. And look, they have Elon's picture. Why did he get brought into it?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
What is the actual truth? What is the actual truth?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Skinny black, dude. Is misgendering a crime? What does it say? Jay, you're going to move.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
According to Adam Tompkins. Oh, one guy. I'll trust him. Misgendering could only be considered a hate crime if it was done in a way that a reasonable person would consider to be threatening or abusive. Wait a minute. That's pretty vague. That means yes. That doesn't mean no. That doesn't mean it's false.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
That means if that's how you're going to write it out, that in quotes, a reasonable person would consider to be threatening or abusive. Who the fuck is reasonable? How many people do you know that are reasonable? And also threatening- They're gonna be able to decide whether or not you should be jailed?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
If you're a 100-pound man and Lewis calls you a man name and you want to be called a woman's name, that could be threatening. Right, right. That could be threatening. I mean, I would- He's a big guy.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I also would have been threatening the guy, to be honest.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Why are you being a woman? Headbutt. That's a weird thing. Misgendering would only be considered a hate crime if it was done in a way. Okay, what does it say below that?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
According to Adam Tompkins, a law professor and former conservative MSP, asserting that sex is a biological fact or that it is not changed just by virtue of the gender by which someone chooses to identify is not and never can be a hate crime under this legislation. Okay, so he's saying that, like, deadnaming someone will never be a crime.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
That's a very good point because this is just step one, right? Yeah. That's what it seems like to me. Right, right, right. So this is not saying, no, arguing with them, no, you're a man. It's not changed by virtue of the gender by which someone chooses to identify is not and never can be a hate crime. But, yeah, that is weird because, like, asserting that it's a biological fact –
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
How about if there was guys with tattoos on their faces that wanted to read stories to kids? Would that be cool? Who would be cool with that? Guys with tattoos. If it was Post Malone, you'd be like, of course. He's so cool. Let him read the stories to kids. That'd be really fun.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Like, what if you're arguing? What if you're saying you're a man? Is that harassment now? Fuck you, I'm a woman. You're a fucking man. And if you're getting in one of those exchanges, what's that then? You know what I mean?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Like, that might get- Well, hold on. If I call somebody an asshole, they're not literally an asshole, right? So, like, technically, isn't it all just sort of like deciding what words have power and what words don't?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
100%, because if you're not swearing and this person's swearing back at you that wants to be called a woman, fuck you, you fucking cocksucker. I am a woman. And you're like, no, you're not. You're a dude. you're standing your ground in that situation. That could also be the case.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I didn't actually threaten them. That's a good balance, because you're putting yourself in the... You're not saying... I'd beat your ass. You're saying, I'm going to get fucked up. I don't know. Do you train? That's very well phrased.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah, you're not even allowed to say that. To say what? But it's a boy's tits. That's the thing that's weird. It's like, the nipple thing is odd, right? Didn't New York City, didn't they free the nipple where you can walk around with your tits out? I believe so, yeah. Do you ever see it?
The Joe Rogan Experience
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Is there ever a pair that you're really looking forward to seeing? Rarely, but once in a while in a park you'll see a nice pair of tits.
The Joe Rogan Experience
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What's the spring called? Barton Springs. So tops are optional there for girls.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I brought my son there, dude. He was 10 years old and I just saw him staring at this girl's tits and it's all hot chicks. It's all like hot Austin chicks.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Of course, they're being free. They do ketamine. Yay!
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Remember James was just fucking keyed in on this girl's tits, and I was like hey. What are you doing? He's like.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Oh, it's natural dad mom says the body's natural so mom says Fuck is she talking to you about yeah, bro Imagine what people like before they had clothes then just just like chimps just fucking every chance they could just trees and shit imagine before people figured out clothes how wild it was and
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
No, no, no. It was millions of years of being sub-human hominids.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah, I'd be weirded out. I would not like that. Listen, like Jelly Rolls is the coolest motherfucker alive. He's got face tattoos. There's a lot of people that do them and wish they didn't do them or do them and are happy with them and like them. It's cool. But the possibility of you being out of your fucking mind is in there.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
You threw something on quick. I don't know if that's true. I think it was all climate-based. I think in Africa, like... How much they probably covered their dicks well in Africa like so places that are totally buck naked well in Africa They have to cover their dicks.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Otherwise, it's dangerous You don't need to stay warm, right?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
So I think I was only when people started moving. Yeah, you might be right about I think it's a migration thing because we're human life evolved the same area where like a lot of different primates evolved besides us and
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Let's let's cover our dicks and build some shit I know in the Bible they says it was like you know God gave us embarrassment at one point or whatever when did we really start getting embarrassed? It was cold. Who was the first guy that was like? Oh my dick is small.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Aren't you embarrassed? I think it's as soon as we started moving to places where it was cold and then we don't see people's dicks and pussies all day long, it kind of changes your behavior. And it probably led to us saying, listen, we need a city and we need a wall. We need to figure out how to block all these wild motherfuckers, these bear dick motherfuckers from coming over the hills.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
That's probably what happened. People started getting really shy. Because they were covering themselves up with animal skins to stay warm.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
But why was it having a small dick? I need to get to the bottom of this. What was the problem with having a small dick that everyone was like, you need to cover that little dick up?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Well, you know, the Romans thought that having a big dick was gross. The big dick was a sign of barbarity. That's why they had little dicks on all those giant dudes. The odds of, if you look at some of Michelangelo's statues, the odds of those guys not having a massive hog are very small. That is, a dude built like Francis Ngannou
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Those kings and all those like important people they literally Commission them to build them like they were gods and they would build the statues bigger than the statues of gods right and You would think that they would give a big fat That's just the artist's signature
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Some person, just like the same people that are tricking people into thinking your cat can be non-binary, somebody back then tricked them into thinking that big dicks are bad. And it's probably some conniving little dick king. Some genius.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Some little motherfucker who's figured out a way to- Who's a traveler from Asia. He's like, oh, Saul.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Ew, get your bigger dick out of here. Oh, look at the hog on that guy, though. What's that one from? Oh my God. Look at his fucking dong. Look at his dong. Look at all the extra skin he's got at the front of his dong.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Well, once they're hard, it pops out, you know? Look at these animals. Jesus, what is that from?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
But look at that one right there. The guy has a tiny dick. The one in the, no, yeah, right there. Look at that. Tiny dick. I would say average size, Joe.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah, Jesus Christ, Joe. Leave the man alone. It's not a bad dick.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I think it's weird that that guy was so hard. No, no, that's normal. That's normal. That's normal. Walking around Heil Hitler and with a giant rod. He goes, oh, Michelangelo, Michelangelo, paint this. Go back to that. Sculpt this for me. Bro, I don't care what your excuse is. If anybody ever gets a picture of you, Heil Hitler, go back to that picture. With a big cock. With a giant hog. Which one?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
The one that you just had with a guy, Heil Hitler.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Clearly a Heil Hitler to me, bro. Is it the one, the white one? Yeah, that one right there. Click on that. Bro, that's Heil Hitler. That's not the one, though, though. That's not the one you had. That one's freakier. This one looks like more modern.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
That last one looked like she was wearing high heels. What was the one you just had up, Jamie?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
That one right there. To the left of that. To the left. Right here? No, no, no. In the middle. In the middle. The gray one. Up one row. Up one row. To the right. That's it. Bam. Bro, that guy's Heil Hitler. That's how it started. It started like this, and then they flipped it over. It's like how you turn over a punch. That was it. He was getting ready to give a fucking strong one.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Look, the guy's got a giant heart on. He's very excited.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Jamie, go back to that one and give us a description. What does that mean?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Let's go, champ. He's the only guy with a big dick in any of that art.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
There's so many different versions of him, though. Sometimes his dick is reasonable. You know, really big, but reasonable. Well, different states, baby.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
But like the Sieg Heil one, he looked pretty reasonable. Right? It was a reasonable dick. It was a big dick. But some of them were like, hey, man, come on. Come on. I mean, there's no way.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
It's possible that they could be, though. They might be the best teacher in history.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I've just gotten to an age now where I just go around the locker. Jesus. I go around the locker room completely naked now for the first time in my life. Like, I think it's funny. The men's locker, right? The men's locker room, yeah, of course.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
This is in there. But I think it's so funny to just be naked amongst men. I don't like it. With my little dick. It's hilarious. It makes them uncomfortable.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Did you guys hear about that Canadian guy who was 50 years old who identified as a teenage girl? He wanted to do a swim meet with teenage girls. And they were letting him. That is the next step. I believe there was like an argument. See if it's true. If they let him actually into the locker room. I want to make sure that this is true. Like a girls' locker room. Can you imagine?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
You have a teenager. What a dream. That's going to do a swimming event.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
This is like attached to a school? 50-year-old trans swimmers shared locker room while competing against teens.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
And this is how crazy Canada's gotten. They're just like the Moonies. They're just like the Juggalos. They're in a cult. They don't realize they're in a cult. But if you think this is a good idea, to let a 50-year-old guy who... decides to identify as a woman, change in a locker room with teenage girls because he identifies as a teenage girl, you're out of your fucking mind.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
It's just a bunch of us gals in here. Let me be clear. Does this person say they identify as a teenage girl?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
This was a plan that I would have drummed up when I was 12 years old.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Okay, 16 and older, this person's competing at 16 and older, so you could be any age? Yeah. Okay, so is there any evidence that this person identifies as a teenage girl, or is that just the internet?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Google that just in case. I would like to know. Because that makes it extra crazy and fun.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
It does. It does make it extra crazy and fun that people are like, okay, it's the same way I feel about all the other things we talked about. The odds of you not being out of your fucking mind are really low. They're really low. Super low. And the fact that everyone's like, yeah, inclusivity. How? How did we get to this Mooney point?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I don't have time for this. Isn't it funny we have no problem with sleeves? If my kid's teacher had a sleeve, I'd be like, oh, the teacher's cool.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
OK, this is apparently that means Wiseheart was swimming with young girls because of how fast or slow a swimmer is, not because she identifies as a young girl. But the competition is presumably separated by gender. So there's an issue where Wiseheart is competing against females while being biologically male and also, I think, intact. Right.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
So which is also the weird one right like you could be a woman, but you don't even have to try that No, you don't have to sorry turn around real quick and hit you with my pussy on your back and you can go back and forth Choose I'll tell you your name if you cut your dick off cut your dick off I'm not gonna.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I'm not gonna call you or I maybe I maybe I will call your name But I might fuck it up, but I think that's okay either way. He's gonna check
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
It's just so nuts, man, that you're just given this pervert pass that allows, because there's real trans people that are like this. It's happened for all eternity. There's something wiring. You feel female. But there's also crazy people. There's also real perverts. And you're giving a pervert a Willy Wonka golden ticket. I've gotten real good.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
But I think 30 years ago, they probably did. If you showed up as a teacher 30 years ago, people are like, what the fuck is this guy doing? Okay, biker Bob, get the fuck out of my classroom.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
But that's also a weird thing to get stuck on, because you have to agree to this thing. And you have to agree to it. Especially if you knew the person as one thing at one point in time, and then they decided to change their name and gender, and you're like... You forgot again, Joseph. This seems like you need a lot of attention. Like, what's going on here? This is strange. Yeah.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
And you're getting mad if I fuck it up and call you Harry?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
It's like, I don't know. It's ma'am! That's why I'm saying the internet is such a bad place for it because everyone has such balls. Everyone's a keyboard warrior on the internet. Even people that are like, you know, bleeding heart liberals and people that are looking to, you know, they just, they find a place to go and have this voice.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Back in the day, if you were trans and you were like a man that was dressing up as a woman and you wanted to get mad at somebody about it, you had to get in their fucking face. It wasn't going to happen.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
See, that's the problem that women are having, is that these men who decide that they're women are now entering into these places that are just women's only and women's events and women's things, and they're dominating like men do.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
But still, I think it's probably conservative America would still feel a little weird about somebody with a sleeve teaching their little girl in kindergarten.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah, it's nuts. You're letting people cheat. There's a reason why Title IX was invented. It was invented so that women could be able to compete with other women. And you can't have an exemption for that just based on feelings. Because it's not about feelings. It's about fairness in sports.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
And the only way to make it fair is if you're an intact biological male, you have to compete against intact biological males. You could still call yourself Debbie, but... Get on aisle four, Debbie. You're in lane four. You're competing against Mark and Steve. You have a dick. This is, fuck, we're not children here. We're not in a fairytale.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
There's there's a decent We shouldn't be around kids at all Blair white these these events were like trans and she gets like called a Nazi and kicked out Yep Huge cock No, I think she's gone through the whole thing That's the it's like one day. They're gonna be able to manipulate chromosomes where you're not gonna ever have to worry about that again They're gonna be able to change you to a woman.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
You're gonna actually be able to do it I don't know if they're gonna be able to do it to us but some somebody's lifetime
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
from the in the future there's gonna be you know people are like serial divorcees they keep getting married and divorced it's getting people to go back and forth man to woman they're just gonna be pigs they're just gonna be dirty greedy pigs they just want to fuck and get fucked and just I was a whore or like a womanizer he goes I was a bit of a woman in my 20s and then I did my 30s as a guy
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah, some women are going to be looking for men who've only been men the whole time.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Well, that's the shit that's really weird is you get teenagers that, like, they change, and then a few years later they're like, oh, yeah, it was a phase.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Of course, especially these poor girls that are getting mastectomies.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah, imagine you had eyeliner tattooed when you were 16. The crazy thing is you don't let them get tattooed, but you will let them get gender alternating surgery, which is just bananas. Is that happening a lot by the way? Gender affirming. Excuse me. Gender affirming surgery.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
There's plenty of girls that are getting mastectomies very young. There's photographs of them. If you're doing that before you're an adult, you don't know what the fuck you're doing. It's insane. It's insane. It's insane. It's just nuts that people are agreeing to it just to be kind.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Of course you should be allowed. Shouldn't Steve-O be allowed to get fake tits if he wants to? But, listen, I'm not even saying allowed. He got out of that, though. Yeah, he got out of that. He's not doing it. Is he not doing it at all, though? I think he thought it was dangerous.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
It was retarded. Well, you also have to cut the muscle on a dude, I think. All I'm saying is there's, yeah, that's tough. You have to go up in there. It's got to pump out. Yeah. I think Steve-O made the right call.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
But I think that's the only way it would have stuck out because I don't think he has enough tissue in the front to give you like a traditional regular type boob job. All right, I'll do it. But my point is like, Next man up. If you're a grown woman and you're 40 years old, you decide to get your boobs removed, who the fuck am I to say you shouldn't be able to do that?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. All right, bro. Boys, good to see you. What's happening? What's up, Joe? You have a little adventure coming over here.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
They do jobs. They do boob jobs. They do so many other things. elective surgeries that they already do. Well, there's an elective preventative surgery that a lot of women do if they think they have that gene for breast cancer. That's what Angelina Jolie did. That's a little different.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Okay, Steve-O was supposed to level, he said, but the person in the supermarket spoke to Steve-O about the level of oppression that the trans people face in a pretty heartbreaking way, which made him realize, wow, maybe it's not all fun and games. After this, he feared a stunt would seem like an exercise in celebrating violence against trans people. And he decided to call it off.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
That would be a good move. Because otherwise you're going to ruin your tits forever. And then you'd have to go under another time to get them removed. And then you'd always have scars on your tits and your 50.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
He's gonna dress up and go to a biker rally I guess that was part of it Oh you get he thought it would get a crazy reaction out of a motorcycle riders who were checking me out before realizing who he was I Would have considered to be better footage if I was to be beaten up at the motorcycle rally He said you know what but the thing is like you could get fake tits put on you by Prosthetic people the same people that did like the penguin you ever see what's his name?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Handsome fella, right? They made him look disgusting for the penguin. They can give you tits, bro. You don't have to get them. Yeah, and it'll look indistinguishable. Yeah, and it's the same fucking stunt, Marilyn Manson. But that's a painting, isn't it? That was the prosthetic.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Well, look, no cock either. Do you know there's people that are doing that? What? They're just getting castrated because people want to be nulls. They want to be nothing. Is that a real thing? Oh, yeah, it's a real thing.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Well, they're trying to get a hole. Yeah, they want a pussy.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
This is just like they become like the Unsullied from the Game of Thrones.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Exactly. They want no cock, no balls, no nothing. How do you pee? Let's go, champ. You don't have to pee. Little hole. Piss out a little piss hole. Just. Perhaps keep a little fucking band-aid over it for most of the day. I don't know. Have a little cork you put in it? You know, I don't want you to do that, but if you're an American, I feel like you should have the freedom to do something stupid.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
You know, I'm covered in tattoos. You want to get your dick chopped off? Who the fuck am I to tell you?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Probably not but some people just don't well there was that like pain Olympics thing back of the day where the guys would mutilate their cocks and you're like What do you I mean you only got one shot to slice your dick?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I saw plenty of those videos where guys just chopped the head of their dicks off with knives
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I mean, how good is that orgasm? You get it one time ever.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I don't even think they're orgasming. They're soft. They're not sliced into a hard dick. They bleed out. How good is that? Just spray. Just fucking spray. All right, Joe. Suffering and science to the dumb conversation we're having. Can you imagine what a terrible time to get your dick chopped off? How good is the choking? Full blast. Guys break their dicks.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
They have sex and then their dicks will bend down. Peyronie's disease. An enthusiastic young lady might get a little bobbly on the top and let it slip a little and a taint slam you. How can they not tell? Like Anderson Silva's shin.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
There's definitely no money in it, but that's why they let it exist. If there was another legitimate party that was actually challenging to the Democrats and the Republicans, they would attack it. They don't say a peep about the Libertarians. In their eyes, the Libertarians are just vote stealers from the Republicans.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I've had it happen a few times where, but I mean, obviously nothing, no real injury. She might have been with that Heil Hitler dude before you.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
She's used to a little bit of travel in her suspension. She's like, no, we got plenty of time. She wants that raptor-type travel. Boom, boom, she wants some fucking... Some lift.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
We're getting close here. Just have some sort of a strapping system where you're spotting her. Cinch her down. Okay, we've got this much travel. That's it. Don't get crazy. So if we're going to agree to this, you savage trying to break my dick. I wish my... What a terrible way to break your dick, too.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
There's a girl out there right now who'll go, I can break it. I'll break that cock. I'll break that cock right in half. Break that fucking angry little dick.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Oh, yeah, the Terrence Howard one is very interesting. He's a very, very smart guy. He just doesn't have a formal education and stuff. So, like, when I had Brett Weinstein on the – excuse me, Eric Weinstein on the podcast, Eric sort of explained to him the things that he's getting wrong. And he explained to him, you've got to stop teaching. You've got to stop saying you're teaching people.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
This is very offensive to people like myself. He's like an actual super genius. I mean, but they were talking about, like –
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
crazy equations and he was explaining the equations to him and he's like do you understand how to read this he's like having him go over the equation so it was very interesting so Terrence is like this super smart guy that's way smarter than anybody around him but then the really super smart guys who are actually super smart guys who are educated about it they don't engage with them and so Eric was like let me just talk to this dude I think he's one of us he's just gone astray just a brilliant guy who hasn't actually gotten the correct education and stuff
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah What is the the this the invention of the flying? What does he call them again? when all those little components move together and it creates like... He's got this... God, why is it at the tip of my tongue? Linchpin. So this thing that he created, it's like these... They're like geometric shapes, and they fit into each other, and each one of them has a fan in the circle of it.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
And through this thing, as a drone, it can move in any direction. It's this very bizarre... And Weinstein was looking at it like, this is a very legit invention. You came up with this? That's crazy. See if you can find the videos of it. And so it's also... You could add more to it. It's not like one single shape.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah, no political party gets mad at the Libertarians. They're fucking furious at the Republicans. The Republicans are furious at the Democrats. Nobody gives a fuck what the Libertarians say.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
So they connect into each other and you can keep adding more and more to it and give it more power and more maneuverability.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
It's like you could have a drone that moves concrete bars. I mean concrete blocks. You could have a drone that moves railroad ties and it could fly them through the air. It's scalable. So this is the small version of it in operation. And it's all those things that you see, those little geometric patterns, they're all individuals. Individuals.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
And you can keep piling them on top of that and connect it. And you can make them larger and smaller. It's a fascinating idea. And this is the dude who was in Iron Man. This is fucking hustle and flow. In his spare time, he just came up with this? And he's got some crazy amount of patents, man. The dude has like, what is it, 90-something patents he has? Something crazy? Yeah.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
But this is all, like, his invention. And no formal education? Very, not to the level of, like, an Eric Weinstein, which is really all these people that are actually working on stuff. Generally, they have, you know, depending on what the discipline is, they have a long education in traditional universities. And he's kind of like a self-taught genius, right?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
No, dude, he is, man. He's crazy smart. He's just, he's not like, he's got to hang out with more people like him. You know what I mean? It's too smart for anybody he knows. Right.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
They said Dave Smith a few years ago. That's true. Same thing.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah, it's fun. Those things are fun. It's fun to hear people come up with these wacky theories. But he has some great ideas, man. And one of them is the idea that all the planets are coming from stuff that's jettisoned off the sun. Like his theory about the creation of solar systems is very bizarre. And it's really interesting.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
He thinks that a planet gets to a certain distance after a certain amount of time from the sun where it can develop life. And then that life evolves as quickly as it can because it's going to eventually over the next... 100 million, 200 million years, it's going to be further and further and further out to space, and it's not going to be habitable anymore.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
So you're going to have to figure out a way to make your own environment, or you're going to perish, and every planet goes through a transitionary period. It's called peopling.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
When a planet gets to a certain distance, these hominids start figuring out things and figuring out tools and engines and civilization and agriculture and then electronics, and then they have to get to a point where they realize, like, oh, This planet keeps moving away from the sun. We are fucked. We have to figure out artificial environments. We have to figure out interstellar travel.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
We have to figure out how to fucking populate other worlds.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
We're like 100,000 years away from it being a problem.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah! But his theory about planets is fascinating because nobody really knows why planets are formed, how there's a distance from the sun. There's a thing called Bode's Law. You can figure out roughly by the size of one planet when another planet's going to exist, and that's where they look.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Seriously? He's nailing it? All right. He's fucking genius, man. Terrence Howard is fucking genius. Sometimes guys are too smart for everybody around them, and they just get off on the wrong track. And if you're used to being the smartest guy in the room, and then all of a sudden you're talking to a guy who's spooky smart. It's, you know, it's a little unsettling.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
It's like, you know, a guy who tells you he's a comic. You know, he's telling everybody he's a comic. Hey, Mike is a comic. Mike works down there. And then you meet Mike and you're like, how long have you been doing comedy? Well, I've done a couple open mic nights. And you're like, oh, okay. Okay. You're not really a comic, right? Right. You're not making a living. Like, you're not getting paid.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
There is a kid that's cleaning up the ocean. What's that kid's name? Boyan Slott? You ever seen that machine he's invented? His name is Boyant? Boyan. I was going to be like, that's funny. That's so on the news. His name is Wave Runner Johnson. I never even thought of that until you said it. That's hilarious. I've even had him on the show. Boyan Slott. He was like 19 when he invented this.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
He invented this gigantic skimmer that's been scooping stuff off the ocean, and then they turned the plastic into sunglasses and shit, which will eventually find their way back in the ocean. Sure. That's apt for a little bit at least. They make stuff, which will find their way into landfills.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Dude, 19. Super fucking smart. Spooky smart kid. Just said, this is what I want to dedicate my life to. So if you get a video of how they do it, it's pretty wild. But they've already cleaned up a significant amount. And they have this proposal to make and scale the thing up and make it huge. And they think they can clean up the whole garbage patch within the next decade or so.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
It's nuts, but it's nuts that the fucking thing existed and plastic's only been around for, like, how long? A hundred years? Yeah. And we already have a Texas-sized chunk of it sitting in the middle of the fucking ocean.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
It's usually the kind of gals that are willing to throw paint on statues and glue themselves to the floor, you know? No more oil.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah, so he scoops all this stuff out with each run of this, and this is just one haul. And they just continue to do this, and then they crane it and pack it and turn it into different objects and stuff, and you can buy that stuff. That's fine. It's a good thing.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I was watching this thing on Singapore and how well Singapore recycles. It's incredible. Singapore takes all of their garbage. They pick it up like multiple times. They have this insane facility where they sort it out. They find out what's plastic, what's this, what's that. They use the plastic and they figure out some way to use it to –
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
to make power to generate power by burning it and they have this insane filtration system that stops it from polluting the air and then they take it and they grind a lot of this stuff down and they use it to make roads with it and they recycle everything isn't that isn't our recycling bullshit bullshit I remember reading about this years ago that our recycling is all just bullshit and it pisses me off every time I put stuff into my recycling it makes me so angry because I read like 10% of it gets actually recycled yeah we thought we were good people we're just getting scammed
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
He's getting scammed to buy a fucking blue dumpster.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
What is the point of it, though? What is the whole scam?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I don't understand why. It's too expensive to convert.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
See if you can find something on how Singapore does it. I know I saved it if you want me to find it.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Incredible. They fucking recycle everything. They have like this insanely efficient way of taking the plastic and reutilizing it and using it to like fill streets and pave roads and build things. And they're using all of it. Whereas we're just fucking sticking it in the ground. Somebody else will figure it out. We'll cover it up with dirt.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Singapore looks like it's made of Legos. It's just plastic everywhere.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
It's pretty nuts, man. No, it's pretty fucking beautiful.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
They also polluted the ocean with that plane. Yeah, that's right.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah, human beings are fucking weird. We are weird.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Do you remember how much you used to litter back in the day? In the 90s? Dude, I would fucking, anytime I had like a Coca-Cola cup, I'd just throw it right out the window. I didn't give a shit.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
So it used to be a big problem. So they used to have a big trash problem, apparently. And that's what led them to this insane, like super efficient version of recycling and super thorough. Pretty interesting shit, man. Waste generated. Oh, we're making a lot of waste. Yeah, we make plenty of waste, son. That's what America does, motherfucker. If you don't like it, you can move to China.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah, so they take it and they burn it, and that burning it is what powers electricity. It's really insanely efficient. And then again, they use it for all kinds of stuff. But the point is they utilize all the trash, and that's what we're supposed to be doing.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
But there's a bunch of knuckleheads, the same knuckleheads that are in charge of the homeless, and the homelessness just keeps growing, and we need more funds to deal with this issue that we can't deal with. It's the same fucking thing. If you had private companies that were incentivized to collect all the plastic and they could take that plastic and use it for all kinds of things. That's right.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Isn't that interesting? We're not willing to give the private sector access to garbage so much. So much that will let them pretend they're recycling and just stick stuff in the ground that's plastic because it's not cost effective to turn it into things.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Well, it's run by a section of the government, right? But it's like, if you were competing against Singapore, you would lose, okay? If like one city was run by Singapore, like Chicago was run by Singapore, but Detroit was run by people who do it right now.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
and you had to figure out which way is better for the city, which way looks better, which way is more efficient, which way actually creates less overall waste because you just recycle it and reuse it, and it actually works as an asset and a commodity, wouldn't that be better? If somebody could do it, you could do it. But the problem is there's no fucking incentives.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
There's probably so much infrastructure within all of these. It's just been however many years that we've been having this system of sanitation that it's like to try to change that in any sort of abrupt way is insane. What do you even do? I remember there was a landfill near my house. We would go. We would ride our bikes down to the train tracks and find the landfill.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
And it was just piles and piles and piles of garbage.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
It's basically the modern version of what it was like to live in a city with horses shitting in the streets. Yes. It's like a mild version of it.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Not only that, it gets into the water. You know, when you just dump a bunch of shit on the ground like that, you know, you're allowed to have a place where you just fill it in. What about the water that's running under that? Like, what happens there? Liquid death. Yeah. It's heavy metal water. It becomes liquid death water.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah, there's so much fucked up in how we do things and not course correcting.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
So with the recycling thing, is it just designed to fine us for not recycling and create more revenue streams?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I think initially they had this idea that that's what they were going to do, that they were going to recycle things. And they do recycle bottles and they do recycle cans because it's cost effective. The problem with plastic, it's not cost effective to recycle. So 90% of it or something in the range of that gets thrown in the ground. They just put it in the dirt.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Which is the fucking worst like why are you making me separate?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Garbage if you just get it can I just put plastic we just admit and I'll just put plastic bottles in the garbage Now cuz that's what I've been doing I kind of gave up I gave up on your little bullshit charade I'm not gonna be a part of this if I know you're not doing it well There is I see that there's like a rule follow for a while like people It's so funny to I just kind of see the results, but I don't know what the actual fight is like sometimes in New York
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
So you don't want to kill the trees? Well, during the pandemic, they kind of, because it was, they made that law maybe six months before the pandemic. And they were like, no more plastic bags, only paper. And then the pandemic hit and they were like, all right, we need to figure out priorities here. And then they started using plastic bags again.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
But in New Jersey, when I go to ShopRite, I have to pay for new reusable bags every time. They no longer give even paper.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
They're good for lighting fires, the paper ones. Want to start a little fire in your fireplace? Crumple up some little paper bags, stick it under there.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I think it just makes you think about it every time. One out of every 100 people remember to bring their own shopping bags. What type of fucking nerd brings their own shopping bags?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
It was a wild scene. The Comey thing was, they were alleging, first of all, that the Clinton campaign was spying on the Trump campaign, right?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Your own shopping bags. This is a fucking dork. Paper bags are good, man, but they kill trees.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I'm not. You know what the biggest scam going is? The paper bag industry. Because they should all be hemp paper bags. If they were all hemp paper bags, they would be a hundred times better. They'd be so much stronger. You wouldn't have to chop down a tree to do it. You'd chop down a stalk of a plant that doesn't even make weed. You know, they have them where there's no THC in them at all.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
And you make gigantic fucking chunks of this paper that's almost indestructible. It's so different. You can barely tear it.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
would be cheaper if you had the infrastructure because you could read like you see if you have an acre of trees and you chop them down it's gonna be fucking years before you can chop down the new ones that you plant afterwards it takes forever for them to grow but hemp you can redo it every fucking few months that shit grows like a weed wasn't a big part of a why like weed was made illegal because they didn't want the competition from hemp or something like that 100% it was William Randolph Hearst
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
He was the Reefer Madness guy along with Harry Anslinger. They demonized it as a commodity. If we had like true freedom in terms of like use the best plants to do stuff, that would be one of the number one – forget about the weed argument. The number one thing is hemp. It's so much better paper. It's like it's really strong like in a weird way.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Like if you have a piece of hemp paper, you're like, what the fuck?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Just on paper? Hemp clothing? It's been suppressed for so fucking long that the infrastructure's not really available to compete with regular paper or to compete with, I mean, they're making hemp clothes. It's sort of an oddity.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
He was. It's way better. There's a company called Datsusara. They make hemp geese. They're the best geese, man. They don't rip. Cotton geese rip. These hemp geese are indestructible. The only thing that gives out on them is the threads give out.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Like, dude, I forgot to tap. The only geese that rip are old ones, man. A regular gee will fuck you up.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I read a thing about spider silk earlier today, as we're talking about materials. Apparently spider silk is one of the most strong... Oh, yeah. They make actual clothing and garments out of it, and it's like... I believe that, because you get caught in one string of it, and it's on you for five minutes.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
You can't get it off you. Ew, ew. Imagine if that was a stick. Yeah. As thick as, like, a power line.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah, it's one-fifth as thick as a human hair or one-tenth as thick as a human hair. And there was a team of guys who spent five years, like, I don't know, milking spiders. But they were, like, using, they were getting the silk out of these spiders. And they made this, like, big fucking gown with it. And it was, I don't know, one barrel.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Well, you know, there's a thing they're trying to do. Okay, they're saying the human side. Silk is used to make bulletproof clothing. There's a thing they're trying to do now, though, where they're trying to make human skin. And you know how they can kind of splice genetics together? They want to make human skin that is made with this gene for this spider silk. So see if you can find that.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
This is the plot of Gremlins 2, remember? Human skin. I mean, right now it's theoretical, but if you think about what they're going to be able to do medically just in the next decade or two, especially with the AI stuff that's coming along. Oh, that's the scary shit. It's the scary shit.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
As soon as they start integrating humans with that stuff, they're going to come up with all sorts of solutions to all sorts of problems, and one of them is going to be non-bulletproof skin. Instead of stopping crime, we're going to just make everybody mandatory just so you get vaccinated. Everybody's going to have to get bulletproof skin, so we don't have to worry about gun violence anymore.
The Joe Rogan Experience
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It just doesn't work anymore. We're just shooting each other in the head like Wolverine. We're going to evolve through technology.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
We're going to all look like turtles. We're all going to look like ninja turtles in the future. We're all going to be covered with armor. And it'll be just wild kingdom out there in the streets. Every day is a fucking street takeover. Philadelphia, yeah. Philadelphia street takeover. Maybe that's how we get out of this.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
You know, like humans had to figure out opposable thumbs to be able to throw spears. Maybe at one point in time we have to just grow armor. We're not going to fix this problem of violence. It would be pretty badass.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Like if you get to be the first one who's got armor. Like for real, how the fuck did a turtle become a turtle? How long did that take? I'm guessing a lot.
The Joe Rogan Experience
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But think of all the animals that are so vulnerable. And this one motherfucker goes, you know what? I got an idea. And somehow or another, over the course of who knows how many fucking million years, it becomes a goddamn turtle.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
It's such a good design like alligators and crocodiles just fucking smashing through turtles Just like like a cookie saltwater crocs crushing them up like they're not really So the bulletproof skin was a story from 2012 yeah was a Project with an artist.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
That's a fucking CIA cover. I couldn't find anything new. They're going to cover Jason Bourne with bulletproof skin first. And they're going to say, Jesus Christ, that's Jason Bourne with bulletproof skin. Inspiration for this project. Oh, Genghis Khan wanted it. Of course he wanted it.
The Joe Rogan Experience
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The legendary emperor is said to have issued his horsemen with silk vests as an arrow hitting silk does not break it, but ends up embedded in the flesh wrapped in silk. Interesting. Wow. So the silk was so strong that the arrows would just go into your skin through this, and you wouldn't get hit. It's like a Kevlar. So you'd still get fucked up, but you wouldn't get full penetration.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah. That's crazy. Those arrows sucked. Those broadheads sucked. Yeah, Joe Rogan could fucking shoot somebody with a silk shirt on. You could not do that today. Yeah, there's a different, I don't know what kind of silk they had, but a modern day broadhead, those things are horrifying.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah, it must have been really thick because they were powerful bows too, especially the Mongols. The Mongols had these insane bows that took like 160 pounds to draw back. And they were famous for like when they looked at their skeletons, their bones, the one side of their body was like deformed. because they were pulling with the right arm their whole life.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
So their whole spine and everything is, they have giant bones in their shoulders and arms. Their whole body developed to pull this fucking insane bow back. So that kind of a bow has crazy power behind it. with this bullshit homemade arrow and these fucking whatever kind of heads they were using back then.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I wonder if it would work with their bows. I wonder if that was just for the enemy's bows. Because the Mongols were, they were so advanced militarily, which is really bizarre. That this one dude's group who likes to live in tents decide to literally take over the fucking world and would have done it. got pretty close.
The Joe Rogan Experience
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They killed 10% of the people on the fucking planet during his lifetime.
The Joe Rogan Experience
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There is, however, little historical basis to this. What is it? The silk shirt claim? Oh, okay. You've likely heard the claim that Mongols wore silk shirts.
The Joe Rogan Experience
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Hey, Jamie, can you stop making us look like assholes at every chance?
The Joe Rogan Experience
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There is, however, little historical basis. No primary source can be found containing the statement. The earliest mention of it in relation to the Mongols comes from Michael Proden's 1934 Deshingis Khan Der Sturm aus Eisen book. Proudden, did I get that right?
The Joe Rogan Experience
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Yeah. Well, it's also, it's just a funny thing to say. Because you could also be, like, admitting the ridiculousness of it yourself while saying, I read. Because it's kind of an admission. Like, I'm not there. I didn't go to the freak off. I don't know what the fuck happened.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Eager to give Mongols every technological edge over their foes, appears to have assumed the Mongols as a warrior race, would only have worn silk for military purposes. But is there any historical depictions of silk stopping arrows? See if you can find that. Maybe the Mongols didn't do it, or maybe it was like a theory.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Just like the samurai outfits. They have these plates, and they have the mesh under the plates so they can move around. We have one of those samurai outfits out there. It's a real one from the 1800s. Really? It's freaky. It's freaky to think these dudes.
The Joe Rogan Experience
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Joe had to use his time machine to go get it. You can buy them.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
It took a long time. Onnit actually got it for me as a gift. It's like a pain in the ass to get it over here. I'd imagine. That's a tough thing to buy, yeah. It's a weird thing.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
It's like a museum box. We talked about doing, so they do these medieval fights. It's almost like MMA in medieval gear. We talked about doing it at Skank Fest, but to ship the armor, to Vegas from wherever they were, it would be so expensive. It would make more sense to drive it out in a van just like with a team of people.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
You've seen those Russian videos where those guys beat the fuck out of each other with swords. Yeah, that's what it is, yeah. Dude, don't do that, Lewis. I can't believe I have to tell you don't do that. Please don't do that. You got armor, dude. Yeah. And I got a sword. Bro, you're going to get hit in the head with a sword. You're going to forget all your jokes. No, it's all right. It's not fresh.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Even if you have that helmet on imagine how much I fucking sword weighs and it's hit you in the armors like 120 pounds 130 How much would you need around your head to let someone hit you in the head with a sword? I mean a lot more than that Yeah, more than that a lot more.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
No, bro. You get a shield to the head and You're getting CT motherfucking E. You can pretend that you're protected. You are not protected from that rattle, son. Lewis, Lewis, do you still remember your jokes? Look at the dents in that guy's helmet where he's got hit in the head with a fucking sword.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I'm going back. Look at this. He's on top of him. Beating him with his shield. Oh, my God. This is a weapon. He's beating him with his weapon.
The Joe Rogan Experience
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Fucked up that are you okay? Yeah? That kind of weight dropping down on your head with that big-ass fucking shield look this virgin. He's gonna take his helmet off Hello, hi guys.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
You also have to take into your performing for you You got to take into account the weight of all that armor on his arm And how much more that's driving down the the impact right right just coming down. Oh Yeah, all that weight, because it's all covered in steel, and then he has this big-ass fucking shield and steel gloves on.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
And he's coming down on your head with that over and over and over again. You think that's more dangerous than MMA? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah, man. That guy might got real fucked up. Like a different kind of, like a cracked skull type fucked up. They fed him to a dragon afterwards. I mean, that could kill somebody.
The Joe Rogan Experience
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That doesn't seem like, even with armor on, I don't believe that you can be okay from getting hit like that in the head.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
So if you're looking at that... But, like, what makes you conclude that he definitely was doing that?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
How good could that helmet be where you would let a dude with a shield and an iron fucking sleeve on slam down on your head over and over and over again? That could crack your skull. I completely agree with you.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah, dude. Well, there's no way that's good for you.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I would do that over power slap any day of the week. Oh, yeah.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Would you? Oh, my God. Look at these guys have fucking axes. This is the one I want to do. This is so insane. This is so fucking insane.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Here's the thing, though. I've got to run to the bathroom.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Here's the thing. If you allow these guys to have no armor, dudes would sign up. If you decided you're going to have a full sword fight version of this with no armor, guys would show up with a fucking bikini on ready to slice you up. If we decided one day if some crazy country, some fucking warlord dictator type dude decided to have actual sword fights with no armor on, dudes would do it.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
There's enough psychotic men out there. They'll sign up for that. They'll just jump into something.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah, for sure. Back in the day, we used to watch felony fights, dude. Oh, yeah. And those guys would give the two guys nunchucks. They'd just beat the shit out of each other in a parking lot. And just two fucking Mexican guys wailing on each other.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I remember this Mexican dude fucked this white dude up. And he was a good boxer. And he cracked him and knocked him out. And then when he got him on the ground, he kept dropping knees on his unconscious head.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
You know that one? Yeah, where he was breathing like crazy. It was really brutal. Oh, my God. It was horrible. It was horrible. Yeah.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Whatever the thing is. Remember back in the day it was a big thing in New York in the 90s? There were bug chasers. It was like a sect of the gay community that was trying to get AIDS.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Oh, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. There's a great series on Netflix right now called The Terror. And it's about these guys that try to cross the ice paths. In the 1800s, and they never make it. Spoiler alert. It gets fucking dark, dude. It gets dark. These dudes just got stranded on a boat with other guys, and of course they started eating each other. The real story. It's based on a real story.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
These gentlemen actually did do this, and they didn't find their body. They didn't find anything until years and years later. They found clear evidence of people getting cut up. What was the time period? 1800s. They just thought they were slick and they're going to make it across. And it was a particularly cold winter. And the ice never thawed in that area. And they just got stuck there.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
They just got stuck. And then the ice developed all around them. They were there for years.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I mean that like that's like a thing of survival, which I understand, but you see people that go to like What's a big concert? Like the tallest one the hardest one ever Yeah, you see those videos of like the bodies that are like the bodies are now markers like you get to a certain name A guy like Jim. It's like that's Jim.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
He is when you're at however many feet high Yeah, and there's no way to get their bodies back down. So they just stay there frozen.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I You have to leave him there. No one can retrieve him and stay alive. It's too dangerous. That's wild. It's fucking nuts, man. You can find one of the first guys that ever died up there. It's all white. It looks like a statue. And he's face down. Face down on the rock. Frozen.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
The image is haunting because it's there for anybody to see.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
You know when you were kids, you'd take, like, the reindeer on people's lawns and put them in different positions?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Look at this. This guy's dead. But there's one we... That one in the lower left-hand corner, Jamie. Lower left-hand corner. That one. That's the one. Look at that. Wow.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
bro imagine walking past that and go yeah that guy's a pussy I'm gonna fucking make it up there and I'm gonna come back down I'm gonna jerk off on his back that's his skin with a fucking Chicago Bulls hat on so he's completely frozen yeah he's frozen He's dead forever. He's been dead for a long time. Look, that guy's got old-ass clothes on that have been just slowly worn away by time.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
But this is what happens. People die. You'll be in a group, and somebody dies, and you go, well, guys, we have to leave him.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
And you're like, what? That's my cousin. Not only that, you have to leave them while they're dying, or you could die. You can't help them. You have to just go.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Something like that. They just play so dirty. They play dirty like a movie. It's pretty crazy. It's really wild. I don't know. That was the number one fear of having these big agencies have so much power, is that they would never want to relinquish it. They would never want to say, like, hey, look, we're patriots. I think we should follow by the rule of the Constitution and let the people decide.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Oh my God. Imagine getting trapped like that and that's it. You just slowly die like that.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Wishing you could just get shot in the head and not have to slowly die. That's so insane. It's all so insane. And it's just to get to the top to say you got there. I mean, is it, how exhilarating, it has to be so, I bet it's not that great.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Well, it's probably you realize you can do something very difficult, which a lot of people have a desire to do, and it's also a bragging right for a lot of dickheads. There's a lot of dickheads, I want to tell you. I've been in Nepal. I went up to Everest. It really helped the community. There's a lot of people that just do it for street cred.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Some people, they just want to fucking challenge themselves, though, in some
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
insane way where they might die I think it's when you don't have kids any of those things like skydiving I always wanted to skydive and I'm terrified of heights but as soon as I had a kid I was like I'm not jumping out of a plane I'm the same unnecessary risk and I said now as my daughter's older too like having that thing where it's like now she'd have to be like
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I was going to get a motorcycle license. I was sitting in traffic and I'm just watching cars or motorcycles zip between me. And I was like, dude, I got to get a motorcycle. And it was maybe the fifth time that I crashed my car in 2022 that I was like, this is going to be the death of me.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
This is going well, guys. What do you guys think? I think he's going pretty well so far.
The Joe Rogan Experience
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And when I say us, I mean you two. I think this Joe fellow has a future in broadcasting.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
This is all really cool stuff. This is an actual dinosaur head. It's a real skull. Yeah, he was like, dude, this is actually a real UFO. We actually went to Mars and found a miniature UFO.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Ah, shit. Yeah, Dave. Dave, we really dumb you down for this show, huh?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah, it's a bone. That's not. Oh, no, it's not. We actually have a Walrus. What is it? What kind of bone is it? What kind of bone is it?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
The Walrus dick bone. Where is that? Is that in the other studio?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah. What is it called? The proboscis? What is it called? Something like that? Isn't that a nose? Isn't a proboscis a nose? Can you not slow down this podcast with dumb questions like that? It's called a baculum. It's a bone. That's it. That's what they look like.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
It's like everything else, man. Once you start running shit, you don't want to stop.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah, it's actually a bone because nature doesn't have time for your hard-ons. You get a bone. With us, it's like too complicated to raise kids. You've got to be really into this. I want you to be in the mood, fully committed.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah, the dogs have bones. No. Yeah, they do. Yeah, dogs have bones.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I think cats have bones. I don't know if dogs have bones.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I've heard that. The Loch Ness Monster photo, the famous one, is fake as fuck.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Nah, it's horse shit. Or it's a sturgeon, probably a sturgeon. Canine baculum. Yeah, I guess they have dog dicks. They have fucking bones. Dogs have a bone in their penis. Yeah, so they have the same thing, baculum.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I think it's only us. I think the chimps and the primates are the only ones that God doesn't trust. Like, you can't have a bone. That is just blood. You just use it all day long.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
A hundred percent. You don't want to give us a bone. It's too easy for us to fuck, so the bone dies off. That's probably what happened. Because it's too easy. Because if we just bred, like, we're already overpopulated. Not really, but, I mean, if you wanted to look at us compared to any other animal, the balance is way off. There's way more of us than there are of them. We're everywhere.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
We're on every fucking part of the country. Every part of the world.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Did you say gorillas have them? Gorillas have the bones, so that's exactly what happened. You do not want to get fucked by a gorilla. We developed agriculture in cities, and the bone went away, because then we would just fuck all day. We would never figure out cities.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
It's bizarre. That's human beings, though, man. Now, imagine that, but with no showbiz. No showbiz. So you're getting that rush, but now the rush is controlling the world.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
No phones. Where's their cell phone? In order to get a cell phone, you got to lose the bone.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
That's exactly what happened. They had a conversation about it. They're like, I get it. I understand why you want to do it. The female has one? She has a bone in her clitoris. Damn. Imagine how hard she comes. Damn. Wait, there's a clit bone? Yeah, buddy. It's connected to the clit bone. Well, it probably has to be because all animals that are mammals, they start off as female anyway. Right?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Like the same process, I think, for primates in that, right? That's why boy dogs have nipples. So you're saying me and Lewis's penises aren't done yet? Exactly.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
We haven't grown into them? There is definitely a market for grinding down dick bones and fucking putting them in your drinks or something, like energy drinks.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
In China, it's probably right up there with tiger bones.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I guarantee it. I guarantee it that they grind dick bones down in certain cultures.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Well, in certain cultures, they will want to drink Rhino tea because it's naughty. You know, they know rhinos are an endangered species, but they cut their fucking horns off just to make tea. And it's supposed to make your dick hard. For real. It's like a fucking. I would say just because it's like. It's so crazy. It's because it's naughty. I'm a naughty boy. I'm going to serve you some.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
You know, imagine you go over a guy's house like, what a fucking house. Look at this guy. You want some fucking rhino horn tea? Wow, you've got the real shit. It's like, dude, you want to fuck a dodo bird? That guy's got a raccoon dick around his neck. They sell them on Amazon. They sell them. Oh, I need one. That is awesome. For sure. I was looking at that going, yeah.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I need a raccoon bone dick. Yeah, but you don't want a raccoon one. You want a fucking, like, a big old... Yeah.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
That's what happened. We went, we were like, I don't need the dick bone. I want to figure out space travel. You can't figure out space travel if you have that dick bone. Yeah, can this thing, like, go away a little bit? Once they develop the bulletproof skin, the next thing is going to be a reemergence of the dick bone. Dick bone starts coming back. You know who's going to fight against it? Viagra.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
It's going to be a bulletproof dick bone for sure. If you're going to put a dick bone in there, why make it a regular bone? It's like one that can't break if a girl gets crazy.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Once AI goes live, it's going to be one of the first things we fix. Bring back the dick bone. We've already devolved enough. We realize there's like a limit. You get to the end of the road and civilization has to collapse and start over again. But in the meantime, we're going to need that dick bone back.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
No, I think civilization collapses, and then the reemergence of the dick bone becomes a necessity because you have to fuck very quickly because you're getting eaten by animals.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah, and so there's madness, cannibal gangs in the streets. Fucking block takeovers times a million. Juggalos. Here we go. We're right back here. And you're going to need a dick bone because you have 13 seconds to impregnate your wife and then hope that neither one of you gets eaten on the way to the lake.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
No, it's a mule deer. It's a mule deer. It's just a regular deer. Did you kill that one? Yeah, it was the first animal I ever killed.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
They told us you killed the crocodile that's out there.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I just watched Joe actually get mad at me. No, no, no, I didn't, but crocodiles are, like, that's a bigger accomplishment. That's a scarier animal, way scarier.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
They're fucking terrifying, man. If we, you know, they found a bunch of them in the Everglades in Florida. You know, the same assholes that let loose their fucking pythons. Pythons. A bunch of them have let loose some giant Nile crocodiles.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Oh, that's a different one. I think that's in Costa Rica. I think that video. I don't think that video is in America. It might actually be a different kind of crocodile. It might be in the Amazon. I don't believe that's America. But the ones in America, the ones they're spotting, they have like a kill on sight order for them in the Everglades.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Because if you have a fucking population of breeding Nile crocodiles in the Everglades, it's over. It's fuck your golf. They're hunting people.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
How do you kill an alligator? You have to shoot it. How many to date have they killed in the Everglades? Because they've spotted, it's more than four, I think. So the problem is they don't look through much of the Everglades. It's too crazy. It's so thick. The whole middle of Florida is like, Florida's the dick of the country. And that dick is infested with monster soup.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
It's just pythons, pythons, and fucking crocodiles and alligators everywhere. And there's no mammals left. Like 90% of the mammals in the Everglades are gone. The crocodiles just fucking left? No, the pythons. The pythons have killed everything. Pythons have killed everything.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yes. Right? Bithons are killing alligators. They eat alligators.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
No, no, no. Nile crocodiles in Everglades, for sure. I was watching a news thing. Nile crocs in Everglades. Yeah, there it is. Wow. That's something on Reddit. Yeah.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Ten years ago, someone caught a... There's been more than one, though. I think there's been four different ones that they've caught.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
And it's hilarious when the Austin people don't know what the fuck to do when it snows out.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I don't know how my algorithm got this, but it was like if you ever get attacked by, it must have been a crocodile. Maybe it was an alligator, but they told you what to do.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
You punch it in the nose and put it through its brain like Apollo Creed.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Stay calm. You got to roll with it because it's going to try to roll you, right? And then if you have an opportunity, play dead because then it'll think you're dead. Or it said punch it in its nose, which is the funniest thing as well.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I would say tickle its eyes. All of it's hilarious. You ain't doing shit.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
My friend Jim Shockey got sent to Africa to hunt them because they were killing these people in this village. Everybody in the village was like missing a hand. They all had like bites taken out of them. These crocodiles were like targeting these people like they were food.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
And so they brought in this professional hunter, this guy who's a friend of mine, Jim Shockey, and he went to Africa and shot these crocodiles. While he was there, one of the ladies got taken. One of the ladies was washing clothes in the river, and they just fucking snatched out and grabbed her.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Well, he was... Do you know that he's the most prolific writer in human history? Sci-fi-wise, yeah. More fiction than any other human being ever. More than Stephen King? More than anybody.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
But this is how crazy it is. They develop a system where they stick logs in the ground in this circular area because they think the crocodiles can't come through it. But I think the crocodiles are figuring out how to go on the ground when everyone's sleeping and slip right into that and wait.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Sup, dude? No, it would be like, who wants some pussy?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I'm horny. I want to suck your dick. Why doesn't the alien, the predator, like the guy who comes down and fucks people up, why doesn't he hunt us that way? With calls? Wouldn't that be more exciting for him? Instead of just running people down and fucking taking their heads? Hey, mercenary. Hey, mercenary. Why don't you take a little time off and get your dick sucked?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Trick them into going on a wellness retreat. Set it up like a deer blind, like a wellness retreat.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah, dude, if you're a duck, you think you're about to get laid and you fucking just get blasted in the head?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Well, they think it's a safe place to land. It's even more despicable. They take rubber ducks and they put them everywhere. Like, oh, it's a party, duck party. Everybody's happy. And then you come in and just imagine being a duck and just getting blasted out of the sky. Like, how? Yeah, that sucks. I thought I didn't have to worry about dogs and things like that.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I didn't think I'd worry about getting blasted out of the fucking sky.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
It's a delicious meat, yeah. And it's probably fun to blast them out of the sky. I haven't done that particular activity, but I bet it's a good time. Just fucking pop the hatch. Boom, boom, boom. And then you cook them up that night. Nice. Yeah, it's got to be a lot of fun. But you got to be careful you don't eat buckshot. That's a real issue. Because you don't always get all the little BBs.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
And not a second draft amongst them. Everything he wrote was nonsense. Everything he wrote was hot nonsense. If you read it, it's like these are the dumbest stories.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Because a shotgun, you shoot it up there. It's a scatter. That's how you can shoot birds.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Get those bitch-ass domesticated ducks that are subject to grabbing. Those park ducks.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
When I get beef king duck, is that the same duck that you just see in, like, Central Park?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
There's different kinds of ducks. Some ducks are called diver ducks, and those are the least appetizing because diver ducks go all the way down to the bottom of where the ground is, the bottom of the lake, and they eat all the algae and all the bullshit and anything that's down there. They eat anything. They eat dead fish and all kinds of rotten things, and the idea is that they're not very tasty.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
But the other ducks, there's mallards and different ducks that people hunt. They don't dive. You know, they eat things that are like on the surface. They don't go down and eat the muck. But I've had diver duck that was really well prepared by a chef. This guy owns Dai Due in town. It's an amazing restaurant. And he cooked it fantastic. It was awesome.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
And this is the ones who eat all the bad shit, but it still tastes good? Yeah, you could still do it right. It's just an involved process. He brined them and did a bunch of different things and marinated them, but ultimately you can't eat them. But I think a regular duck, the kind that are sitting on the pond, you could snatch one of those up.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I bet it would be just like a regular duck that you would shoot out of the sky. It's just a duck.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I mean, if you came from a country where there's no food and all of a sudden they flew you into Ohio, they're like, why are we all here?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Not only that, maybe you don't even speak English. So there's all these signs saying, don't kill the ducks. And you say, oh, look, ducks.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Kill ducks. Wouldn't you automatically grab a duck if you came from a place where there was no food? Oh, yeah. No, I'm not blaming the Haitians. Peking duck is the most popular duck to eat. Peking duck meat is known for its mild, satisfying flavor. It easily adapts to a number of cuisines. It has a lighter flesh and milder flavor. Is it not Peking? This is a duck. It says Peking.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Peking is a type, but this is like domestic ducks. That's what they're showing here. So, like, if you buy duck in a restaurant, you're not really buying wild duck. You're buying a domesticated duck. But there's wild ducks that taste really good, and there's wild ducks that are a little funky. And those are the ones that they call diver ducks.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah, there's, like, fish. I went fishing in Puerto Rico. We went deep-sea fishing. And there's, like, certain fish that, like, they eat. Or I guess the bigger the fish were, like, they eat, like, all the algae and stuff off the reef. And I guess if the fish was really big, you had to, like, throw it back because you can get, like, really sick.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I think it's the toxins from the fish they eat. They eat stuff off the reef.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yes. We caught some barracuda. And they were like, in this area, you can keep them. But if you catch them over there, you can't keep them. You can't eat them. It's weird. And especially with big game species, because there's ones that they just won't eat. It's too risky. Yeah.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Stab them almost like underneath the thing and like it just like lets the air out and they're able to live fish get the bends Yeah, yeah Yeah, the pressure that their body has to be under when they're like 500 feet underwater is insane And so when they go to the top their organs like come out through their mouth.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Oh, so yeah They're all filled up So they just like you like let the air out of a balloon and then the fish start moving again You throw them back I cook the lobster once and you're supposed to put the knife into the back of its head You're not supposed to just boil it, but I couldn't do it. I was like, there's no way that's what it looks like
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
The guy's eyeballs pop out and his tongue pops out. I've seen that happen. Looks kind of like Ari. It's very bizarre. A lot like Ari.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Isn't there a fish called a Jewfish? There is, right?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
But that's, I mean, imagine what that does to your body going from 500 feet down in the fucking ocean to pulling up to the top. Yeah. And then he just pops out.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
When they had the test and Times Square, I've done it. It was just kind of cool. I was like a dumb kid. So they were like, hey, do you want us to test your stress levels? I was like, boy, do I. And I went over and I held these dumb things.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Why isn't that not the case? That's probably exactly what would happen if you went to the moon and took your helmet off.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Jewfish. Jewfish. There you go. Overpopulation. There we go.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
There's only one person who's going to... Goliath. Only one. One fish can get to the bottom of this problem.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Who's running the fish banks? A Jew fish is a Goliath grouper? Yeah, when I popped it into Google, it says Atlantic Goliath grouper. Whoa, let me see that motherfucker. Well, hello.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Look at that picture with the diver. That's fucking insane. Wow. That's like a large mouth bass that could eat a person.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
If I saw that, I would think that I was about to be murdered.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I would not be comfortable with that thing being right next to me. I would think that I shrunk. That's a giant predator. Am I inside of a small fish tank? Bro, if you were a little kid, if you were a four-year-old kid and you went diving, free diving near that, there's a real likelihood that thing swallows you.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
You ever seen a largemouth bass take out a duckling?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
They take them out. They take out birds. There's a guy that was developing a lure for – there's a giant pike called a muskie. They're notoriously hard to catch, and they're enormous, like real ancient fish. It looks like a monster. And they're hard to catch. They call them like the fish of 10,000 casts. And so this guy developed a lure for them that's a duck.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
It's a little ducky moving across the water. It's very effective because this muskie is like the fuck-up ducks. They're huge, dude. They're like this big.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah, they're like, you're stressed. And I was like, I am, right? They're like, come on inside. They brought me into this weird thing. They tried to sell me a book. I don't really remember.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
No, that's a largemouth bass. But Google muskie. Just Google giant muskie. That's them. Wow. Look at that thing. Fucking things are crazy, and they're super predators They take out ducks and all kinds of things and if you you want to catch them you have to have a big-ass lure and Look at that. Look at the size of their fucking mouth. It's just covered in teeth like a barracuda.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
If you have to catch it, you have to dress like Antifa?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Yeah. While you're freezing your dick off. Those guys are cold as fuck. You hit it with a bike lock? You gotta catch those motherfuckers in some cold-ass water, just like Northern Pike.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Look at this. Giant muskie eats a duck. Here it goes. Uh-oh. What an asshole. You dick. Faked us out, cocksucker. Oh, I thought that was it. That was solid, though. Muskie! It was a solid bit. Okay. Muskie eats duck. Got to sit through that. Okay. Is this a duck lure? Yeah. Unless he's got a duck with a hook through it, that monster. Isn't that fucked up? Like, you hate mice.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I did that, too. And I did that in San Diego. I was down there filming something, and we were in the park. And it was at a time where a lot of people didn't know who I am, and I could sneak in. And I sat down at this guy's table, and he gave me the e-meter, and I put my hands in the things, and he told me what it was reading. I'm like, how does this thing function? What is it reading off my body?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
You kill mice with a mouse trap. But if you went fishing with a mice and a hook, people would be, oh, you piece of shit. What is wrong with you? Well, you do it with other fish.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
You do, like, live bait, right? You put it right through their eyes.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Right, but if you did that to a mouse, everybody would get very upset with you. Not me. You piece of shit. Isn't that crazy? Like, you kill them with a spring. Whack!
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Everybody's like oh yeah mousetrap good job, and it's not like that's a humane way to kill him you can torture I got lost on a YouTube journey once with a guy who made homemade mousetraps And he would like create little systems to drown mice and rats in buckets.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I got stuck in Houston for maybe four or five days because they had, I mean, I want to say a light flurry. And there's a little bit of ice, but Texas doesn't have like, you know, like trucks.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
You guys see that Netflix documentary, Rats? No. It's all about rats in New York City, rats all over the country, and rats all over the world. Oh, it's fucking horrible. I think the biomass of rats in New York City is equal or greater to the biomass of human beings.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
You know how nice that is? Think about how many people are walking down the street and think about the idea that the number of rats is greater.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Do you know how horrible the entire underneath New York City is?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
This is a bullshit estimate. This is an estimate that there are approximately 3 million rats in New York City, which is close to a third of the city's human population. It's a 50% increase from a decade ago. This is the AI overview.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I think the documentary was saying that there... Here it is right here. There are 8.2 million humans, average mass of 70 kilograms, about 2 million rats. That is not true. Who knows how many? One said there's 2 million, one said there's 3 million.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
It got deleted? There's no good measurement of how many rats there are.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
How would you possibly know? You cannot. They're just justifying their job just like the people in the homeless commission. There's no fucking way you can tell me how many rats there are in New York City. No, there's no fucking way. I parked my car once. It was back in the day when you had to use cell phones or pay phones, rather. And I was pumping gas. It was in the Bronx.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
And I went over to this pay phone, and I'm on the pay phone. I'm watching rats jump onto the wheel of my car, jump into the engine bay, jump all around it. They were coming out of the sewer and jumping on the car. I was two minutes on the phone going, what the fuck?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
And the dude was like, oh. I don't want to explain. He didn't want to really be there. He's just a member who got roped into doing this thing. He had zero enthusiasm about the sale.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
So it says for over 100 years, nearly everyone has believed New York is about 8 million rats, a ratio of one human to one rat. The theory began in the 1900s when author and rat expert W.R. Boulter hypothesized that in England there was a ratio of one human to one rat. However, Auerbach points out that the hypothesis was erroneously applied to New York City and is widely quoted to this day.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
And the expert has debunked. You know what? I lost a lot of faith in experts over the last few years. I'd like to see some fucking data. You know, it's actually 36 humans to one rat. I don't know about that. I don't think you know that. I don't think you know.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
I mean, under the grounds, like, how do you possibly know? The entire subway systems, they're full of fucking rats.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Didn't it say after that, Jamie, someone said it's one-to-one? What did it say?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2205 - Legion of Skanks
Okay. That's probably more accurate. And it's probably even worse now. There's no fucking way you know. The tunnels, it's all filled. Rats are everywhere.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Just relax. Like, I'm just, what are you doing here? I'm just seeing who everybody is, you know? He's like, yeah, you know what's up, pussy. Take that vest. And when he gets in his face one time, he just grabs him by the shoulders, puts his foot behind him. I mean, places him on the concrete. And how fast the kid's like, oh, okay. Whoa, we got a little nuts back there, huh?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
And fat women getting tasered. That's my other favorite thing.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
No doubt. But it is funny when they have to come back and they go, I was being crazy back there.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
There was a guy in the audience last night. We did story wars at Mothership and there was a guy in the front who wears a brace around his body. We asked him why. He was stabbed in Afghanistan, hand-to-hand combat. Oh, Jesus Christ. It was a gunfight and it ended up being hand-to-hand combat. He said he knocked the guy down, didn't confirm that he was out.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
And then when he took his attention away, the guy reached up and stabbed him. Oh. Right in the fucking chest, basically. Jesus Christ. Pretty wild. And we were like, and we're looking at this guy. We go, in Afghanistan, he was 18. Yeah, but he was 18.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
I think he said the 16-year-old was the kid who stabbed him was 16.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
I got into a thing, a road rage thing, where I knocked a guy out. He wasn't very big, and I basically got out of the car, and he was right away, didn't want to do anything, and I mushed his face. He was drunk, and I kept mushing his face until he would throw a drunken punch. And then I hit him, and I caught him.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Only time in a fight in my life where I caught him, first shot, and he literally folded on the ground. And then I got in my car, drove away with my current girlfriend, Christine, and when we got a few blocks away, my adrenaline started going down. And so jokingly almost, I just look at her, and I kissed my bicep one shot. And she was really pissed.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
She didn't think it was funny or anything, and I was like... but it wasn't even like kind of hot that I just knocked that guy out one shot. And she was like, no, like what if you killed him? Like, his head bounced off the ground. Like, what, it's all for what? And I was like, man, it's a great point, I guess. It's a real good point. I'm like, what a great fucking point.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Because I'm walking away from that like, hey, I didn't even get touched. And I got sweet, beautiful justice, you know, the way I'm always searching for. And she was like, no, what if you killed him? And I'm like, yeah, there is a point there for sure.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Happens. Yeah, but didn't Harry Houdini get killed from a gut shot? Something like that. Yeah, like a punch to the stomach. He died days later. Yeah. It was like an organ busted. You never think about that. You want to give everything you got to a face punch, and then you're like, boy, I sure hope I don't blind him forever. These are all things that could happen.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Let's wrap this bitch up. Can I plug? Yeah, please do. My first half of Double Crowd Work special. Let's go. Them is currently out. Second half, they. It's coming up 420. All done at the Denver Comedy Works. So thank you. We're almost at a million.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
That club is so great. It's so good. Well, you guys do the same thing. Everyone's facing forward. Yep. And yonder bags.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
I had my little dad, lots of mom, just tendencies. My step-pop man, he swooped in and saved my ass from really being as twirly as possible without being into cocks. I mean, I was right there primed for the take, and I'm sitting there laying on my tummy as a kid watching Falcon Crest in Dallas with my mom.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
That's what I know Lorenzo Lama's from Falcon crest not renegade like everybody else was renegade the one where he was the karate guy He was the karate guy But he was sent he was a bounty hunter.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
No. No he would fight his fights with cry guy, but Steven beautiful He's gorgeous so handsome I know. It really is the sadness of a guy that handsome because he got a girl that was smoking hot. And then, what's it, Shauna Sand?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah. I think he married Shauna Sand, who was like a playboy girl. And then they break up and she gets crazy surgery. She looks like a lunatic. She starts doing porn.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
I mean, the alliteration of the name, he was handsome. It was all kind of perfect.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
I mean, comparatively, too, if you look at the ex that was like his holy shit wife.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
I watched all those shows growing up, even the improv, Caroline's Comedy Hour. The evolution of comedy is insane.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
I'd get a fat ass. I always say it. I crowdsource it. If the audience will pay for it, I'll get a fat ass.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
But also they look real and they don't have like the, where you have like the, you know, you see rib cage between them.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
The evolution, just like the fact that these guys, I've watched, I'll always laugh and go back, Bill Kirshenbauer, do you know that? That was the guy. I don't remember him. He was the coach on a sitcom. He got a sitcom called Just the Ten of Us where he had like eight kids or something. He was like a coach. It was a spinoff show of some sort, but he was just like a zany comic.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Now you're going to want to be gentle when you take a shit for the next three weeks.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
And listen, I'll put it out there again. Unless the crowd pays for it, I will get a fat ass.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah. It's a weird thing. You know, I can't believe they still haven't perfected dick surgery, dick lengthening or thickening surgery. But what's crazy is there are procedures and people get them. Yeah. I couldn't imagine getting a procedure that's been done like 30,000 times.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
You didn't want to be the first tonsillectomy and that's like routine.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
It is shocking. That's what I'm saying. I'm surprised that hasn't been a thing.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
He would go on stage and he was just loud and weird. Yeah.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
You think it's money for dudes? It's like, oh, for dudes.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Or maybe the guy was also crowdsourced and maybe they paid for it.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
But these were the guys who made the rounds. Right. Monologists.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
But the penis surgeries are like nutty from like cutting a tendon.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
When I was heavier even, I went to... I got a consultation, free consultation at a plastic surgeon. I was like, I bet... I'm fine with my hard dick, but I hate my soft hang sometimes. And I was like, I bet if I got my gun sucked out, liposuctioned, it'll make it look bigger, soft. Particularly and I'm like so I went to the consultation.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
It was a male doctor say okay, and he gets you I mean I knew he was gonna have to look ultimately at one point, but this guy Takes me to me. He goes. He goes all right drop your pants. I dropped my pants, and I also have dr. Dick you know like it's like I'm also guys so I'm like shit, and you can't like I didn't want to try to like fluff it up Yeah, fluff it before you walk balls I
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
So he fucking comes in, and he's like, drop your pants. And he goes, walk over to this mirror, which I was like, oh, God, don't make me do this. And I stand in front of the mirror, and he goes on either side of my dick with his hands, and he goes, right now it looks like this, and I can make it look. And he just pushes my fat back and goes, like this. And I was like, mm.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
I was like, uh-huh. The whole time. I pulled my pants up like a victim and left the office and never even thought about it again. That was crazy.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
When I did New Faces in Montreal, my manager at the time, terrible, just gave me ... I mean, he was just pushing the old advice. He was like, don't be yourself at all. Like, write a set that's going to be, what's your sitcom, basically? And dress, you know, a certain kind of, dress like first stage. I don't know what I was, I didn't know how to like, what he meant in nice clothes.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Oh, man. There's no way he doesn't go out and talk to those hot-ass nurses about my little wiener. Yeah, definitely. The littlest dick. Oh, my God. It smelled like cheese. I don't know. At this point, they expose so many people. Do you believe anybody's genuine goodness anymore?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
What are you going to giggle at while you're injecting a girl with your jizz?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
It's a wild thing to go with like different groups undercover though, too if they ever overlap someday Like and you go hey you were a skinhead two months ago. When'd you become a biker?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Thank God, I used to have a, when I was young, I had a joke about the concept of the hookers, where you have to, they go, well, if you ask them if they're a cop, they'll tell you, they'll tell you, they have to tell you, or it's entrapment, and I was like, then what the fuck is undercover work?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
You guys have been doing like five years with the mob, and then one day they go, hey, you know, I never even asked you, this is stupid, but are you a cop? I was like, shit, man, yeah. Yeah. I think that was like... You were at my kid's christening. I know, man. You never asked.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Are you a cop? No. Yeah, of course you could say no.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
The prostitutes, things they would do on cops were always they'd get in the car and they'd be like, are you a cop? And you go, come on. Do I look like a cop?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
After I mysteriously showed up three weeks ago, and now I'm working my way through the ranks. Now you're going to start patting me down. All right. And I'm helping you run guns and drugs to Mexico.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Also, when they do undercover, it still seems like when they would go home at night still, come out of their biker clothes. How was it, hon? Like, these guys are animals. I hope one of them didn't happen to follow me home.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Did he ever, like, find himself, I mean, you kind of, like, hang with somebody that much time, and they think you're their friend. Did they ever get, like, sympathy for them ever?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
So I had like black loafers and straight leg, like dark blue dungarees. And like a short sleeve button down shirt.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
That's what happened to Michael Rapaport in Higher Learning.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
It was a clockwork orange for black people. Oh, boy. For 90 minutes, you just bleh. Yeah.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
You got to see when the cop, it's when the cops have him at the end and they're like, son, everything's going to be fine. You're white.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
He's pretty hyped about Israel, it seems. It seems like it, yeah. I've only seen him hyped about two things, Israel and Ari. Those are the only two things I've ever hyped about Michael Rappaport. And also, I think the rising of the black race also, I think, pissed him off, it seems, in that scene.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Well, that's so funny for him also. If you remember his first big role, great movie called Zebra Head.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
And he was like, because that was more of his thing. He's more of like a weird kid. He was in Do the Right Thing too, right?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
I don't know. I don't know if he was in that. True Romance, for sure. That was great.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
And a short sleeve like blue button down shirt. It looked ridiculous. And it was so dramatic. It's also funny too doing it as long as I have now. 27 years I think I'm doing it. Like the hilarious like fake emotion you put into things. I remember having my daughter was a baby when I did New Faces, and talking to the picture backstage before I went on stage. Like, all right, we're gonna go do it.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, it's getting carried away. I went to go. I had a cold, and I think I blew my nose one of them out. So then I went to go get it re-put back in, and I was like, throw another one in there while you're at it. Fuck it. It's me fighting age, I think. Is that what it is? Yeah, yeah.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
And then had a mediocre set, and all I got from New Faces was like a MTV2 talking head one-off. Like, what were they thinking? What were they wearing? MTV2 Presents.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
That's it. Yeah, and they would just clip it up. They took they wouldn't. I did a couple of them. They didn't air most of it. And the one I always remember, because when I would go back to MTV for anything, they would always be like, we still pass the like the segment around of you doing that. What were they thinking?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
And it was Fiona Apple on an award show years ago.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
to accept her award she got there and started quoting she's like the great Maya Angelou or something and I was like Maya Angelou I was like what is she talking about Maya Angelou for look we all loved her as Wheezy Jefferson and I enjoy her pancake syrup but and then they were like yo you can't call Maya Angelou Aunt Jemima I'm like but I'm kidding but I'm kidding though I know who Maya Angelou is wasn't it funny they took Aunt Jemima off of Aunt Jemima but that was an actual lady who was an entrepreneur and
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
There's no one who intimidates you anymore? I mean, the people you have in here and just strike a conversation with is unbelievable.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Every time I have a big guest coming in that I don't know, me and Bobby Kelly on the radio show, and someone's coming in, I get like, when they're like, all right, we're going to go get them now. I'm always like, wait. All right, wait. Okay, go get them. Because I'm like, shit. What do we even start with?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, yeah. That's weird. The first time I went there, I got bumped back to the couch for Ace Frehley. Ace Frehley? There's a part of you that's like, this sucks, but wow, it's Ace fucking Frehley.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, and they just could get rid of it because no one's paying attention to why. No, they just decided it was racist.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Has a celebrity ever let you down when you met them?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
I've always worried about that. Marilyn Manson was always somebody I wanted to meet. And then when he went through all this shit, did not want to meet. So I was like, stay away. But then I want to like, I very much would like him. I think he's such an interesting character. But like, I'm such a fan since I was a kid that I'm like, this could only let me down somehow.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Do you have any theories on why people can't, like classic amazing bands can't make a classic again? Comedians can still write their best joke and it will be accepted. Everyone's looking for that. What's the new thing? But like if Guns N' Roses got everybody back together again and sat in a room for three months, they can't make Welcome to the Jungle again.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Isn't it crazy, too, that it's essentially four albums? Crazy. All of that from four albums. Bangers! Yeah. They did great. I was pretty impressed with, for me, again, the age.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
I took my parents to see it in Madison Square Garden, and it was such a weird... I got so strained. The things I get emotional about are ridiculous. I got like teary-eyed emotional when it starts Welcome to the Jungle. You know, they start playing the riff. And I got immediately teary-eyed because I was like, it just took me back immediately to a time. It was like a time travel.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
And I was like, holy shit, I'm like 11, 12 years old and got this album. And my mom was like, what is that shit, you know? And now my mom's like here with me watching them as a classic rock band.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Do you know the first time I heard it, and kind of backwards tracked it from there, I think it came out, pretty sure it came out first, was the movie Deadpool. Oh, yeah. The Deadpool, Clint Eastwood.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
And the scene was pre-famous Jim Carrey plays a rock star junkie, and they're shooting his music video, and the song they're using is Welcome to the Jungle. Really? Yeah. You can see it's pretty popular to see. If you look that up, the Deadpool, the Deadpool Jim Carrey.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Isn't it funny? Even though he's not being funny at all, he still, it's like his movements are so Jim Carrey.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
I'll make a lot of concession for someone's process, but when I watch that documentary about him doing the Andy Kaufman movie and him coming into the makeup thing every day and really screaming and bothering the shit out of everybody, you see Judd Hirsch's face in the documentary like, that's plenty. We're good. I get it. You have to get into your mode or whatever, but come on.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, exactly. And it's like, that was not his personality when he was talking out of his ass cheeks. You know what I mean? Or when he was doing Vanilla Ice in Living Color. You know what I mean? What's that personality shift where you become a guy who's kind of like...
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah. So if you're playing Andy Kaufman. You shouldn't let him eat modern foods then. That's catering. Right. Here's your mutton, Mr. Lincoln.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
In a hole in the ground, sir. We're having Chilean sea bass.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
My producer brings it up all the time because he watches a lot of, like, period piece shows like that. And even, like, the...
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
They always have, like, attractive people in these, like, the Deadwood times. Right, right, right. And then the girl, you know, she'll, like, lift her skirt up, and you're like, God, I bet it smells like a fucking murky dungeon down there. And then when she bathed, there's no shower, so they have to just bathe in it and just hope that whatever's in there washes to the surface.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
That's what I mean. It's like prostitutes. It's like, what's the best they could do?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up. That looks like racist propaganda. Look at this.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Coming home and kissing your wife at the end of the day is just a...
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
That's why no one cares that if your husband died, you have to marry his brother.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
No, but if I could have picked a... Again, so hard because moving backwards, like, well, I would take all the technology of now, of course.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
No, no, it's not a hybrid deal. But if I was saying if I have to just let go of that and see what the most fun time would have been to be like a teenager in 20s, 70s, I think. Just listen to Ambrosia. You could wear a silk shirt on Ironically.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
If you were Chubby, no one even cared. Chubby guys got buzzy in the 70s if you had a beard. Did they? As long as you had a beard and some long hair.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, and if you knew how to get cocaine. I'd grow a long pinky nail so people wouldn't know my house was the party spot.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Oh, yeah, I went to a... I did a gig opening for Bobby Slayton years ago at the West Palm Improv, the old West Palm Improv. That was a great room. Yeah, the wide, shallow one. Yeah, that was a great room. And I forget the name. Joey something was the guy who hosted. But he was like local legend, this guy. And... He brought us back to his head.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
He took us to the strip club and it was like everyone knew him kind of thing. Yeah. And then brought girls back to his house. And I am always impressed with the level of like a person who carries their morbid obesity with like a not give a shit. And also have no care that the girls are going to suck his dick or fuck him because he's got coke. Yeah. Do you know what I mean?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Like, I'm bad at the, like, fuck me for something thing. And, like, but this guy, we went back to his house. I mean, his underwear and, like, a robe open. Do you know what I mean? With all these girls around, just giving him coke and shit. It was wild. But he had a cabana in the back of his house.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
But the most interesting thing about him that I found out was the next day he wanted to take me somewhere to eat. So he picked me up, and he was a narcoleptic. And every time there was a red light, he'd fall asleep and snore. Yeah. Not just fall asleep, snore. And he's driving? Yeah, and you have to acknowledge it. You gotta go like, hey, man. Oh, my God.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Hey, you okay? And you just never acknowledge it. You go, yeah, yeah, I'm good. And you just go, and as soon as you hit a red light, like loud, aggressive snoring.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Eyes closed, head goes from the shoulder. Out cold instantly. Instantly.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
He came to the cellar one time with a Dennis Hoff guy. That was a guy of the people, quote unquote, celebrities who would come in that I could never pay homage to and have. The thing I didn't want to meet was a Dennis Hoff guy.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
And the poor guy at the printing press had to keep double checking. He was like, are you sure we're going to do this?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah. Yeah. It was weird. Well, that was like the small window of like pro-sexuality and go be whores, girls. And then it immediately became Me Too. That happened immediately.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
It wasn't like it's okay to be a prostitute It was it's cool to be the man who exploits all these women and gets them to go be prostitutes for him I think it took 20 some years for people to realize that Joe Francis was a terrible guy You know I mean he was celebrated as as hell I just heard a Howard Stern clip the other day where he had Joe Francis on I'm sure if you ask about Joe Francis now, he'd be like what a terrible piece of shit But when girls going wild was a thing everyone was just like who cares how it gets done.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Yes, it's how they speak. Oh, I don't know, man. Oh, bro. I don't want to get involved in this. Damn, that was a crazy picture. I just went to a... That's so crazy. I was looking at an art gallery in Philly recently that had like a Dr. Seuss exhibit at it. And I forgot that Dr. Seuss had all those like crazy racist drawings and stuff.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Crazy. Oh, I've ruined, Columbia House and me have ruined the credit of all my pets in my life.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
No, no, no, I'm saying you just put, you send the penny and you put your cat's name down and then they just send you 10 CDs.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
When it went up to a dollar, send a dollar, is where it stopped. Enough, guys.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, to me, a dollar really was like, no, I just usually tape a penny to a postcard. What a concept, too. Tape penny here, it said.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
It was my... Before I had... Porn magazines readily available to go into a bathroom or anywhere where there was a bathroom where I felt I could quietly look at porn magazines It was the TV guide Take the TV guy in the bathroom do the crossword puzzle and then pick my 10 CDs for a penny because it was always an insert on the TV guy That's right. It was the postcard
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
I think adults would definitely end up paying for it because I think the deal was you're giving them your address. Right. So whatever the fake name you put down, they're billing.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
I didn't feel it, but what they would do, though, is send you more. They would send you, like, I'd get, like, a CD every month that I wasn't picking.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
People didn't complain about being part of Columbia House, I don't feel like, but it's like, remember when... you know, as like Metallica getting furious about like LimeWire and Napster and those things. But it's like, it is sort of the same thing. Like you're sacrificed. But it came from a time though where the money was from the recording.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
the people stay that stand off for a while too like was it maynard did not want to go on uh apple music or spotify or anything forever i think garth brooks didn't either right uh kid rock didn't for a long time and then a lot of them would try to go and like i'm gonna do my own apple music jay-z did that right yeah title did that work
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
It was just like, you know, a hunter, like with like a savage with like giant lips and stuff like that.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
I don't you know it's interesting when I talked to Kevin Hart in Montreal some years back, and he was buying up He was buying up things for the lol network that he was starting which was like I guess an internet network and They made all this news because when he did the pitch show where they were pitching Ideas for his network he apparently in the room bought like four or five of them and
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
And when I saw him that night, I was like, are these five shows you saw today? They're like definite shows. And he was like, no, but it gets your press. You know what I mean? He was telling me kind of like the whole thing of it. He goes, but the idea of he was saying he was doing with that. I'm like, are you going to run a network now?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
And he was like, no, you want to build it until it becomes competitive. And then another company comes along and goes, can we give you money just to go away? Is the idea, you know? So it's like the idea is that he wants like Netflix to buy it.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Lol or something that so it's just a good business move, but I don't do you know absolutely, but I think you think like that I have no business acumen whatsoever.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Oh yeah, absolutely. Like when people make fun of the way I dress or whatever, coloring my hair, my piercings. And they always like, is it going to change at some point? And I am hitting an age where I'm like, I can't just do a hard shift one day. But it is funny to think like, I can't see myself at 65 doing some of the stuff. Yeah, yeah. I don't know.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
you know, blown away by, you know, I watch you when you talk to Bert sometimes about that, about his, like, employment of so many people.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
And everything, like, which is great. He's got a great thing over there, but, like, production company, I feel like the, when you get a lot of money sometimes, which is impressive that you haven't done this, it's like you want to do almost, like, too much, like, well, now I'm a producer of things, and now it's like this, or other businesses that you want to, like,
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Start that are outside of comedy like is that what your thing was always like it was never mind like to be like a business owner or anything or some kind of like You know where I was to have products or something I think what happens is once guys Realize the amount of money that they can make they want to just make more sure it just becomes a numbers thing You just you see it.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
But I'd rather give a friend like some capital to like do their special than over. You know, I mean, unless I was taking a job and I'm going to direct this and see if I can do that, you know, but just like the idea of like I'm taking in like I have to take a meeting for a sketch show that wants to be on my network today. I'm like, I don't know.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
But you also get used to odd things. Like my alone time I look at is like the hotel, like the hotel room, just watching the bullshit that I want to watch on YouTube and doing anything like that. It is strange when I think I want to be like off- And stationary for a while, I feel like there's a day here and there where it's morning till night. I just have nothing I have to do. It's rare.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
But when it happens that day, I tend to not be in a great mood. Really? I don't know why.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Well, it's that feeling where you feel like you're running a scam.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Because also it's something, especially with stand-up, putting a price on things is so strange when you're like, well, I've done it... More than anything, I've done it for free. Then, second most, I've done it for pennies. Do you know what I mean? It's interesting to be like, well, I've done the same job for $50 that I've done for $100,000. Do you know what I mean? It's strange.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
It's a strange place to be. And you do feel like, well, what's it going to take until I'm back to like, hey, you want to come do $100? I still get affected. And it's just Young Comics being Young Comics. I don't mind it. as long as I've been doing it. I know they just want you to come do their show, but they're like, Hey man, I do a Tuesdays at the, you know, at the stand at 6 PM.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Like a levy can back, can throw you a hundred bucks and stuff like that. And you're like, why do you think I'm going to come? And why are you naming the money? If you just asked me to do the show, I'd be less hurt if you were like, I got $100 for you, too. Like, great. Like, that feels weird.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
It really is the explanation is like, yeah, it's a different time.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
No, no, for sure. And like I said, I'm not insulted that they want you on the show. That's great. It's just the idea that you're like... $100 isn't going to sell me, dude. Don't say that.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
I'll go down there. I never write back. I'm not like that with young comics, though, at all. I'm so bad at the tough time I have with Kill Tony. I love doing it. and I always have a great time, but the initial just going at somebody, especially if I want to come out of the gates and make fun of them, I almost have to have the look over of like, I'm just fucking around.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
I know it's so difficult what you're doing right now. A minute of comedy under the stress of how big that show is now has got to be fucking nuts.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Look at your phone for notes. Hang on, Madison Square Garden.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Oh, yeah, the running out of time, that was the funniest. Like, well, this is three minutes of material, or 30 seconds if it doesn't go the way I think. Cricket, cricket, Jesus, panic. Isn't that the biggest, to me, I feel like the biggest milestone? In comedy, the action of it, I mean, was not being afraid of quiet, like the crowd being dead silent.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
No, but I know what it is. Yeah. I've never seen it.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Even if I said something that I thought was funny and they're still dead silent, that not being like frazzling. I don't get shaken by that.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
That's what it is. It has to believe the thing. It's also like I haven't conveyed it right then. It's me, probably, but they're not just getting what I'm thinking. If they just saw my thoughts right now, they'd get how funny this is.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
You know, I stopped putting in at one point for the small room at the stand when I was in town for the weekends because, and this is no fault of theirs. I know they're just booking me because I'm home and they want me on the shows that I can do. But they would put those shows, they would book the TikTok celebrity girls, like girl comics that were brand new. In comedy, but drew the audience.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
And they're also young enough in comedy that they're posting their spots.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Like if you want to see my schedule is like here. So the room's filling up for them. And I'd go up, I mean, the second I get on stage, you'd see the face and groans of like, just like... Oh, a man's going to come, what, lay it out now. And I would even try to play with that idea. Do you know what I mean? Like explain what's going on in the room.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
And they would just, and then my last one ever doing up there, there was an Asian girl in the front row that I was fucking with, like going back and forth with her. But she was great. She was like into it. She was laughing and she was busting balls back a little bit, which was fine. You know, she was kind of like playing around with it.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
And then I see another girl's you know 22 years old or whatever 23 going into her phone And I was like I lost you already. I go. I lost you and she goes Maybe that's something to do with the Asian girl thing and I was like what he goes you called her Asian girl I Was like wait, but she's fine. I go are you you're getting upset on her behalf, and she's fine And she was like yeah
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
And I was like, that's retarded. And then a lady in the back of the room stood up, lady, a girl, and literally clutched her jacket together and went, you just said the R word. And I went, the manager was in the room, and I was like, can you take me off the schedule for the rest of this weekend up here? I go, I'm not even mad at this crowd. I'm like, you have to give this crowd what they want.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
I've heard of it before. It is amazing, though. I went to a musician's house for New Year's Eve when I first moved to New York, so 20-some years ago, and he just invited me and Kurt Metzger, and we went to his apartment, and it was covered in, like, Sambo paintings.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
If you put on a three-week open mic gay comic up here right now, he'd murder. Like, read the room of what you're booking. You know what I mean? It's like, you have to see what's happening. It's like, you're putting me up there. This isn't fun for me. And it's not fair to them. They've been sold a show that's not what I do.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
So I don't have any kind of gripe on that. I'm just like, don't put me on those shows.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
You're fucking up. Your audience is actually going to like the club less because they think I'm the piece of shit that's always here.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
If you're not doing clubs- Well, I was going to say, if you're in theaters, you're removed from the audience.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Oh, yeah. I like to go do crowds that aren't my crowds plenty. You know what I mean?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
It's a shame from a comics perspective. I know from a business perspective, it's great. But like the comedy cellar, like it's funny for people to not even know anymore or remember. There was a time when I got into the comedy cellar, there was still, when you went on at two o'clock in the morning, there could be 15 people in the audience. Now it's show lets people out, another show, another show.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
So it's like, it's always sold out and packed. But like there was something to that. That was kind of like, that was the training ground. I go up after Dave Attell almost every night of the week. in front of 15 people was like, that was great training. You do need that for sure. And I still need that.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
It's not so much that, I'm just saying, I said take me out of that room because it's always this audience and it's just like, you're putting them through a thing they don't need to be put through. Right, that's different. Downstairs isn't my audience either. I'm just like, just put me in the room where it's not been sold as this one thing.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
I don't know the name of the place, but there was a- But just don't book people.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Assume that if you're booking somebody, though, that you'd have to put those rules for. It's like, you have to like, I always like that thing. It's like, trust the comic to be like a professional. Not that they'll always come through in that regard, but like, you know, you can put me on stage anywhere and assume it's not going to end with me being like, fuck you, fuck you with the audience. Right.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
There was, like, black people at the party. It was just like, yeah, it's art, and I'm like... I don't know if I'd cover my house in something I had to explain every one of them to people. I go, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
One of the funniest things is I'm always blown away by is the people in the audience who are hating the show, which is fine. That happens. Some people come and they didn't know what they were coming or getting into.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Podcast fan. Which I also tend to take their side. If I see that happening, I try to do that. I'm like, why did he make you come? Why did he put you through this kind of thing? Is how I will usually approach that. But when you see those faces, if someone like that gets shitty, I'm always surprised how aggressive they are when they realize they're the minority.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
It's like, I don't know because you suck and you're not funny. It's such a funny thing to shift. How much you can make that person an enemy of the room by just going, she's saying all of you are stupid as shit because you're laughing at it. They'll hate her for you. Well, there's always going to be a you suck and you're not funny person in the world. Yeah, well, that's a skill you have to get.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
It's so funny when someone makes strong decisions if they change their ways. I used to... drive strippers to bachelor parties to be the bouncer with zero skills to handle that whatsoever. I took the job as like fat kid that wanted to see naked girls for free. And I ended up at a bachelor party with two brothers.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
That poor girl that had the video of her skitzing out on the guy in the audience. Oh, yeah.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
People piled on on her, which was actually fucked up. She was getting death threats. Why would you death threaten someone who had a bad time on stage? It just seems weird. But again, that's the situation of... um Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
It was one of the brothers thing and he was covered in like swastika tattoos and all kinds of crazy shit. And the strippers were not both white.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
for sure but there's also black people this party and stuff like that and I don't know the explanation these guys have to give but I talked to one of their black friends and was like hey is it weird to ask but like these guys are all covered in like swastika and racist tattoos and they're like oh yeah they just got caught up in some bullshit when they were teenagers they're good dudes like wow
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
And they're still wearing short-sleeved shirts, huh? That seems strange. You look like these guys are wearing Terrell Owens body suits to cover that up. It's one of the arguments why you shouldn't be able to get a tattoo until you're 25.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Thank you. But that's all it was. I didn't get into this. And I was like, oh, and then I'll have a sitcom. And then you just get told right away. Well, what year did you come along?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
What decisions do girls make for tattoos that are that great?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
I think it's just that one girl, the character that Firuza Balk played in American History X. I just read a thing recently, this made me laugh so hard. You know this movie American History X?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Never heard of it. I mean, I wouldn't name names, but I mean, it was just weird to see people that were like, oh, they just got their second deal with NBC, holding deal.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Saw a lot of that. I've been doing it long enough to see people kind of go and be like, shit, the acting thing seems to be going, and I'm going to go to L.A. or something in entertainment besides stand-up is going. And they focus on that for a couple years. And then nothing really pans out from it. And they didn't keep doing stand-up.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
And then they come back. And then they try again. And then they're confused because I've never had my own sitcom. I've never had anything. But, like, one thing I never stopped doing was, like, working the whole time still. Yeah. So it's like you're building a fan base still. Right. And when people, a lot of people left at a time where it was like, oh, this is where you have to start, you know.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
They went to go to acting when everyone was like, all right, this is, it's podcast times now. And social media times. And you have to get all these things going. And you connect with the audience and stuff and keep performing and like they went away and then come back It's hard to start again.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Great movie, crazy movie. Ending is such a question mark on it.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Well, it's a matter of what you want to do. When you woke up in the mornings to go do news radio, were you thrilled going to work every day?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
And if you recall, he goes to prison, he reforms himself. He comes out. He tries to get his brother out of that mindset of being a white supremacist. And then he succeeds basically in telling him the story of what happened to him in jail. And then the next day he walks his brother to school. His brother gets killed by a black kid, shoots him in the chest and he dies.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Could you have been roped into stopping stand-up? Like not doing stand-up to go in the full time? No, no, no, no. From sitcom to sitcom?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Which is great. It was crazy. That's a whirlwind for sure. It is funny, though. It's like just that lead of that, like that you're supposed to do. To me, it was sitting... for whatever the 10th time and watching, especially actors like walking back and forth, like how serious they're taking getting there.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
And then he goes in to save him or he goes in there and just cries, screaming like, what have I done? You know, his brother's dead now. And then they end the movie. The director, who apparently was a lunatic, him and Edward Norton like fought the whole time.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
And I'm just like holding the sides barely and I'm like, what's like three lines we gotta say? Like relax. And I didn't book stuff, but it's also just like, as I'm sitting there like, I don't know if I wanna be the... You know, the Trident cinnamon gum guy. Mitch Hedberg used to have a bit about it. I don't know if I care. I just don't like, it's like if you get it, it's almost like fantastic.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
I used to have to like... like, talk myself into, like, when I would get those weird, like, talking head shows. I think on History Channel we did, like, I Love, they were trying to do, like, a spoof of I Love the 80s and I Love the 90s. Right, right. They would do, like, I Love the 1880s. Oh, boy. Or I Love the 1890s or whatever.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
And they would give us, like, history stories and write jokes and you're gonna do talking head things. And I would look at it as the burden of that next day. I've got to wake up at 8 to go into the city to do this thing. I look at all this stuff and I'm like, it's network, it's history channel, so I can't really do exactly what it is I do. And then...
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Because I'm going to go as close as I can to my own voice that it's probably not going to get a lot of stuff on anyway. Yeah. But I had to really convince myself. There was a kid across the street from me when I lived in South Jersey for a couple years who was in a Fruit Loops commercial, I said. And he said he might as well have been Brad Pitt. You know what I mean?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
To me, I was like, he's been on television. And I'm like... I'm going to do a TV show tomorrow, history channel or anything. If you told me when I was 12, 13 years old that, hey, you want to do a TV show, be on TV on the history channel? You'd be like, no, TV, is that possible? So you have to remember that it is pretty extraordinary to have some of these opportunities.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Over like how the movie should go. But the director's ending he wanted to do was after the brother gets shot by the black kid, they were going to show Edward Norton in the mirror and then with the big swastika tattoo on him. And then he was going to smirk in the mirror and walk off. And I was like, they should have played back in black after that. He's back and he's racister than ever.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
But man, so I try to take them in when I have them. I was in the movie Hustlers as the strip club DJ.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
It's the true story of the girls at Scores who were like the strippers that were robbing the guys. Oh, really?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
You can, but it's also like, I feel if I saw it, I'd have a million and one jokes about it. Right. But it's still at the end of the day, you're like, you know, I'd walk out and go, oh, I forgot my pocket scarf. I got to go back upstairs.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
a couple years back now, but shit, maybe like seven years, six, seven years ago. But I was the strip club DJ in that, and like I really had to go there, because I look at the, in hindsight of it, it's like, it was two 14-hour days of like nothing, so much nothing going on. Right, you're just waiting. Just waiting around. Yeah. And just whiffing when I had these opportunities.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
But I'm also trying to take in, I'm like, holy shit, that's Usher over there. That's fucking jail. As I'm sitting here like, When do you guys need me again? It's like J Lo's in a thong like you know twerking on stage Like doing her scene, and you're like oh, I should really enjoy some of it.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
You know I mean J Lo was on stage twerking Yeah, I introduced her her dance 2018 maybe yeah my voice opens this scene
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Yep. She was 50 on set. Wait a minute. How old is she now?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
I don't know, but she looked fantastic. That is crazy genetics. It really shined a light on this girl's narrow Asian ass. It really shined a light on that. When they were choreographing them together on stage, it looked so shitty. Yeah, she looks great.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
She seemed nice. I tried to talk to her once, and I whiffed hard.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Did you get panicked? I planned. You thought you could be number six? I planned what I was going to say. That's what the problem was.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
It was bad. I said when she, next time she turns around, because she seems nice, she's going to like, at some point, she's going to talk to me. We're doing this one scene together where she hands me money. And I say like a line. And every time they yell cut, she'd put her robe on, turn around, talk to her assistant. But I'm like, she does seem nice.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
And she's going to turn around and ask me some version of how you're doing. and I'm going to say, you know, I'm just living the life of a fake strip club DJ, and that's going to make her giggle, and then we're best friends for life. And instead of waiting for her to say anything, the next time her eyes just crossed my eyes, I went, living the life of a fake strip club DJ, like followed her face.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
And she was like, excuse me? And I was like, oh. And then her assistant started laughing at me, and then I demanded to go outside to get a soda. They were like, we'll get you a soda. I'm like, please let me go outside and reset this moment. I hate this.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
It's that thing where it's a person that's in a room and you're like, oh, a celebrity's here. I could give that off.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
It is crazy. You know what's awesome in that movie, by the way? A young, only one song out, Lizzo. And everyone was so excited for her. And I didn't know who she was. And they were talking about the celebrities that are going to be there today. And she's playing a stripper. And I was like, hmm, I'm wondering who it is. And then, hours later, my next question was, I'm like...
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Who's the big fat stripper wearing the fishnet outfit? And they're like, that's Lizzo. Yeah, like that's Lizzo. I was like, Christ almighty, are they making her do that? And again, it's my own fat insecurity that I put out on other people. Almost like I said that guy earlier who was like the robe open. There's got to be guys that want to see that.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Just imagine being... Smiling and imagine having a Schwarzenegger movie ending to American History X. That is so crazy that he wanted to do that. I mean, not the song, but they should have played the song. Yeah, the image of smirking.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
I'm impressed with that because what I have is much more, which I always found interesting, Chris Farley, you know, this most famous thing ever is the Chippendale sketch with Patrick Swayze. I've always thought, and I just know this from, I'm good friends with his brother and from years of reading stuff about it, like, that's... If you want to trickle back what killed him, it's essentially that.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Do you know what I mean? It's like he hated... He was willing to do it, like, I'll be the fat, gross guy, but he hated it. He didn't want everyone to think he was, like, fat and gross. So it's like I have a hard time with, like, with those kind of things. So I'm impressed also with someone who's, like... Ladies, you know, with their fucking fat rolls on their sides. Welcome to the party.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
How do you do it, man? And Lizzo just like, fuck it, I'm wearing a thong. Don't.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Oh, yeah, no, he loved making people laugh, but he hated that it was at the expense, and I don't think I'm speaking out of school here, but it never seemed like that stuff did bother him, I think. He wanted girls to like him. He wanted, you know what I mean? So that's why he got big into drugs.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Conversations, I've watched so much stuff on him. Yeah, yeah, and you could see, again, it's people reading in this stuff and shit, but yeah, but I think also from talking to his brother and stuff. I met him once. Real conversations.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
It's also weird to get into that and then still be around comedy. Just be around public.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
I have a hard time with the... I mean, I can. I can get caught up in the dramatic conversation of the science of comedy and all the internal things and the manipulation of it, but at the end of the day, it's so silly when it's taken so seriously in some way, too. It's not like...
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
But you know unlike Daniel Day-Lewis who has to be Lincoln all day someone can go Jay They're calling your name on stage, and you can go up. I don't have to like find my place You know I mean like oh, I'm not even you know oh hang on okay You know you just go on stage and be like shit.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Oh, man. I remember taking a date to go see, it was a girl I lost my virginity to, who was a little bit older than me, and a very hippy-dippy girl. And we went to go see, what the fuck? was the movie. It was a John Singleton movie.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
and you mess up a line they gotta go change the gate they gotta do a bunch of fucking things yeah and there's always someone who wants to come in and touch up your hair and then there's fucking people moving around and there's always some so many support people it's hard to just like keep your fucking concentration some people like being doted on Dan Soder I've always been he likes acting and and not even just acting he likes the day he takes the day in the trailer and he said he'll write jokes and you know do whatever he's a happy dude Dan Soder seems like he's always happy
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
No, no, he's a great stand-up, and he does want to do stand-up, and he wants to make shows. He's got a lot of... interest that I think will be great at all of them. I'm just saying more like, you know, I'm losing my train of thought.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
That's why I was so impressed with a person like Regan. Yes, I was just going to bring him up. It's like you did it straight through comedy, man.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
You know, it's funny, the quietest, the people who are the most surprising. There's huge earning comics that you've never even heard of and stuff. I always look up, like Shonda Pierce is a lady, just like an old lady from the South, but she's multi-millionaire, sells out. She performs at like churches and stuff. Really? Yeah, but it's just stand-up. and it's just like the most mundane.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
It's not for me, obviously, but I mean, with this kind of whatever act that wouldn't impress anybody, she's making millions.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
To want to go to that seems boring. Even if you were religious, like, I don't want to go watch religious comedy.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
It's why Nate Bargetti is so impressive to me and always has been is because he's clean in that way. You can call him a Christian comic and it doesn't matter because... If you just watch the comedy, if you're not listening to all the labels being put on him, he's just brilliant. Yeah, it's just brilliant. More than brilliant, hilarious. Fucking hilarious.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Fuck, no, no, no, no. It was the one on the school campus. Why am I blanking on it? Omar Epps was in it. Tyra Banks was in it. Michael Rapaport was great in it. Oh, Higher Learning. Higher Learning. Absolutely. I took those girls to see Higher Learning, and the movie is great. At the end of the movie, Michael Rapaport goes crazy.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah. It doesn't matter. Gary Goleman was so impressive in that way, too. It just didn't have to be dirty. Almost like subjects. You were someone who said the right joke about this subject. You're like, nah, dude, that's corny. Well, Gaffigan's the best example. Yeah, he's great, too.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
But everyone shouldn't be that. Right. That's the Hannah Gatsby argument she made. That's really, whatever my opinions about her comedy are, are meaningless. It was an article she did where she was like, if you're not using your comedy to like move society forward in some way. She really said that? Yeah.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Like you're wasting time, basically. Like you need to come and talk about your rape or you're wasting time doing comedy. And it's like, or you're not being personal. I go, so you're saying like Dave Attell, Brian Regan, Carrot Top, you're saying people just shouldn't be in comedy because there are different... like faction of it than you. That's insane. It's insane.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
And God forbid, if everybody started doing Hannah Gadsby style quality, she's fucked. She's not going to be the best at it. You know what I mean? Right. It's like, why are you welcoming? It's like, why don't you stay, keep your lane and be happy with how great it is.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
If somebody told me I made them think on stage, I'd go, about what? About what?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Anything I would even say with passion on stage, I could end just as easily by going, or not. Or maybe I'm completely wrong. I don't know. Definitely. How the fuck would I know?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
How many in the black comedy circuit, those were the funniest, how many they would give? He goes, how about for the ladies? How about for a brother doing the right thing, staying out of jail, doing the right thing, trying to do the right thing?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
The show was going your way. But we all used some crutch in that. I went, I think, so, not just because I was obviously inspired by the Dices and stuff with the comics that I like, the dirtier guys, but I would go dirty because I found out pretty early, if you go dirty, even if you don't get the laugh because the joke wasn't good, you're going to get the groan and it was a noise. Yeah.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Because that was, to me, again, the silence was the thing. Once it was silent, I was like, someone please save me from this. It's going so bad.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
He gets roped into being a white supremacist with the skinhead group on campus. Never seen that. These guys were, I mean, like, hardcore on-campus skinheads. But they still got loans.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, at least you're like, ah, they're with me. You can kind of laugh that off yourself, yeah.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
I mean, he started Gas Digital essentially for Legion of Skanks, more or less. So smart. And it would have, like, a platform that they really can't get rid of.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
It's fun. It's nuts. It's been created in New Orleans this year.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
No, and I said they all look the part, but they're such great comedy fans. That's what everybody says. And by the way, also, I mean that in the sense that there's been so many people who have been like, Skankfest isn't my thing. I'm like, dude, they're going to fucking lose their minds for you.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Well, all you had to show people was that there was, like, if you stick with something for a minute, like, there is an audience there. You're just listening to a bunch of lunatics screaming with nothing to do with their lives. It's like, but if you give it a second, like...
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
conversely of much people were writing they're angry about this there's a bazillion people who just like it yeah you can't cater to the people that are upset at what popular thing there is out there can you imagine writing a letter to ACDC like this last record sucked First, second song's okay, but third song blows, and the fourth one's like.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
They're like, white power. All right. I got social studies in a few minutes. On campus. I got to go. Oh, my God. Hey, can you finish nailing these crosses together? What year is this? 95. That's so crazy. Yeah, right when I graduated high school. And I take her to see this movie, and it said the movie is Michael Rapport joins the skinhead group, black people on this campus, a lot of things.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
It's the funniest. So I'm going to try to break down your bit.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
I've gone hard at female cops so much. It's so great when I meet female cops. They usually have great sense of humor about it, quite honestly, but I will film and send to sodas who I'll do it to. I watch cops still a lot, like clips of the show Cops. And there was one I watched recently that was just about, it's a female cop.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Whenever it's a female cop, I'm like, I get my phone ready in case I have to film this because it's always going to be something hilarious. And they're always in the way somehow or something. And they're trying to stop this guy. You know, he's on foot, black dude. And this lady's like, let me see your ID. Let me see your ID right now. And the guy's just slowly backing away.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
And then he just decides to go start running. And he runs. And this girl is chasing him. This black guy is so far away from her, it's ridiculous. And then just coming, zipping right past her is a dude cop who just catches the guy and tackles him. And then it's the rest of the time it's her standing over him, breathing hard. She's like, son of a bitch got away from me. Like...
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
And it's like, lady, what are you doing? I saw one time I was waiting outside of a doctor's office in New York and I saw a guy who was naked with his hospital gown on the floor next to him. This isn't outside of a hospital, by the way, just a doctor's office. This guy left the hospital clear. He's naked, still has his bracelet on. He's flapping his dick around.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
So I call the cops and I go, hey, I think there's a guy who got out of a hospital here. He's naked and he's Seems pretty unruly. He's like screaming shit. He's being kind of weird. And they go, will you stay on the phone with us and let me know when the officers get there? I go, sure. And then a big NYPD van pulls up. And two tiny little ladies get out. And I started laughing on the phone.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
And I'm like, yo, I don't think these ones are going to be able to handle it. You might want to send somebody else. And they go, why? I go, because it's like two tiny ladies, miss. And I'm like, and this guy's like... Like, I'm gonna have to get involved now and I don't want to.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
There's like a black party going on. I think a white kid tried to rape a girl, Christy Swanson, and then all the black guys go to help. And they kind of beat up the kid who raped her. And then the cops, of course, come and get mad at the black people and save the rapist. Then Michael Rappaport goes nuts, goes on top of the school and starts picking off black people.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
And then the guy stood up and he's walking towards them and the ladies are like, first of all, already touching their guns, which is like, again, not really necessarily, the guy's naked, he doesn't have a weapon, but it's just, they're so tiny. Like how many options do they have?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
And the guy just went up to them and just stood about seven feet in front of them and started pissing at their feet. And then finally another cop car came with a guy who just, I mean, got out of the car right away, grabbed him by the arms, you know what I mean? Put his arms behind his back and they put the thing back over him, his gown back on him. But it was just like- The guy had a pee.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
He couldn't find his clothes. But it's just so wild that I'm like, why are these two a team at all?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
A chubby female cop to boot is the funniest too. You're like, what is happening? All the time. What is the problem they're going to solve? All the time. But they're in the way.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
I had something turn on me so bad with that. Not even a mustache. At a diner. It was me, Josh, Adam Myers, and my girlfriend went to a concert, and we went to a diner afterwards. And where they sat us at this diner, our table... was facing the booths that are going across. And the booth right across from where I'm staring is a cute girl and what I thought was a goth guy.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
I thought it was like a goth dude. He was wearing like fishnet stuff and everything. And they are making out hard. Like going they're going for it, and I'm like You know we're kind of like laughing it off almost at first.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
You know like all right I guess like to go, but then it starts getting like They're like like she's like getting in a position the girl The only girl I thought is good when like the the goth guys He's rubbing like her pussy over the pants And she's like writhing around stuff is going on then they stop in a diner yeah, then they stop then they start again and
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
It's at a point where I go, laughingly though too, I kind of go, all right, come on. And they're like, they have like an, oh my God, what the fuck is wrong with you thing. Now there's people, they're in a booth and we're the only people who see them. We're facing them. These booths are other people, but they're just not paying attention to what's going on there.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Oh, yeah. Starts picking off black people. One of them kills Omar Epps' girlfriend, Tyra Banks.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
I'm just happening to look at it and I'm like, all right. And they're like, what's the problem? And I'm still just kind of laughingly going like, I get it, but like, you know, I'm doing like a, guys, I'm like, you're fucking at the table. I mean, like, it's crazy. We're in a diner. And then it's getting shitty about it. And then I'm just like, I don't know what the problem is.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
I'm like, that's crazy what you're doing and everything. And I'm like, we're not wrong here. And then she goes, would you have a problem if we were a straight couple? And I was like, I thought that was a guy. I said, I didn't know it wasn't a straight couple. And then whatever. It all kind of calms down. And then our food's coming, which is weird. We still have to sit there.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
And I go, yeah, I'm going to go outside and smoke a cigarette and regroup here a little bit. Biggest mistake I ever made. because I went outside, and I'm, this is like a big glass front restaurant, you know, diner, and I'm smoking right outside the diner, and I'm watching the narrative get created in the room without me being in the room. Oh, no.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
And then he gets into a fight. Omar Epps and him get into a fist fight. And then the cops break it up, start beating the shit out of Omar Epps. And then Michael Rappaport pulls a gun out on the cops when they're trying to stop him. And I know the scene's trying to be like, they're trying to keep the situation calm so nothing more crazy happens. But they're going like, it's okay, son.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Like, the people behind and the staff coming up and being like the, we're sorry, things, people have to still act like that. Oh, no. People still act like that today, and when I go back in to eat, I mean, we are pariahs, I just feel like, and then, the host guy who seats everybody as gay, and he's side-eyed. It was so uncomfortable, and I was like, we didn't do anything.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
No, there was nothing to explain. He just went to kind of awkwardly give us our food, and I'm like, you guys are mad somehow at me.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Oh, so much. So much spit. It was shitty food. Then I told that story on my radio show. It was funny, and somebody messaged the Yelp or whatever the thing, and they were like, that guy was being transphobic and this is a welcoming restaurant, who allows anybody in? It's like, how is this the narrative of what happened? They got you. They got me. They got you. Completely created around me.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
I wouldn't have cared if it was trans, I thought it was a straight couple fucking in a diner booth that I wanted to stop. Yeah, people are good at spinning a tail. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Everything's gonna be okay. We're okay. You know, while he's like holding the gun and then I think Michael Rappaport kills himself is how that ends. And then at the end, there's like a concert happening and they just put the word unlearn across the screen. And you can just hear black people in the audience go,
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
what the fuck and i was like yo let's go let's go and she was like what i was like no no no let's go like do not let these credits start let's get in the car and i mean i don't know how bad it got out there but it was a yelling a lot of yelling it was an inflammatory movie wow there's no point in a movie where a white person got their their due it was always like a white person fucks over black people and then the cops are like wow you're fine hey shit happens man
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, because there wouldn't be a million signature proof that this shouldn't be a thing or whatever.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
That's why I think when I first started, I tried to blend in whatever I was. I started in that black circuit. So like I had so much FUBU shit on.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
He knows how to hold people down. And he would shut up Burger King, go to Burger King after the fights and stuff?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Does that career amount to like, is he sitting on money now? Like a guy like that?
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
When anybody comes at Schaub, I'm always like, it's not even the wins he's had more than I'm like, this guy's not afraid of you. Like, he's been punched by, like, the best. I promise you, whatever you think he thinks you could do to him, it's not as bad as that.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
I felt so bad. That first UFC coming back during quarantine was so important to everybody. I don't know if it was the first one or the second one that came out, but that was when I was like, man, you got to really pick your timing and when you're going to shout out what you're dedicating a fight to. Because there's that poor guy.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
He lost his stepdaughter, and then he came out wearing the shirt of the stepdaughter who passed away, and it was all dedicated to her. I mean, you can see as Alistair Overeem beat him into submission with punches. Yeah, yeah. The referee was even kind of going like, come on, man, please try to fight back. I said at the end, Alistair Overeem should have been like, it's okay, everybody.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
I was also fighting for his stepdaughter. I'm like, yay.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
I mean, but to shout that out before, yeah, it's crazy. It's a lot of weight on you, too. Those are great YouTube compilations. The cocky fighter comes in the ring to lose.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
There was one, a guy came in the UFC cage. I forget who it was, but the way he entered the ring, he did a thing where he hung on the outside of the cage and swung into the ring and did some crazy move. And then it was like an immediate knockout. It was like a 30-seconder.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, also the shit you talk through life is also in broadcasting as you start to get guests sort of starts to haunt you It's like the thing like Howard Stern had to make a gazillion apologies I assume by the time he the the guests he got on we've done it man.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
We fucked up so bad We came in one day We saw Bret Michaels in the fishbowl was when me and soda were doing the show still the fishbowl of a Sirius XM It's like there's a studio that you could see into right now there will do performances and stuff. Okay, so And we were up in the fishbowl one time. We saw Bret Michaels when we came in talking to somebody.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
And then we go on air and almost like for the bit, we're like, how do we never get offered these guys? There's always like celebrities here and they weren't even brought to us as we can get them. It's so fucking crazy. And I go, right now as we speak, Bret Michaels is out there. And then we said something about like his bandana being attached to his hair.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
And I think Soder said like they lower his bandana and hair onto him like Darth Vader. He just sits there and they lower it on him. And then they come back and they go, he said he's willing to come in. Oh, no. Then he comes in and he's lovely.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
This guy was making future promises with us of what stuff he wants to do with us and hang out and come be a part of his summer festival and broadcast from there because he loves us so much. But his manager was listening the whole time. And he said as soon as he left the studio, they went, those guys are not your friends.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, but now they make it like that at the today's meetings like all right Let's round up some blacks make sure these whites are okay So crazy you can make a movie like that. I think you still be that kind of inflammatory they go for it I just watched that adolescence thing which I thought was a lessons. It's this New it's a four-part like miniseries on Netflix British
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
That's what it is. Now they know you. They're talking shit. It's natural. Corey Feldman hates my guts, and it's like. What'd you do? Well, I've never nonstop talking about him. I've seen the video. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've never stopped going. Oh, yeah. Do you hate on his dancing? Yeah.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
We're not even hating on it at all. I love it. I want to do nothing different. Um, and I wish they tried, he tried to have us not allowed at his show and he opened for Limp Bizkit.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah. And this head of security was a fan. He came over to me and Bobby Kelly and he was like, yeah, he goes, he was asking if you guys were coming. I said, yes. Then he asked if he could know where you were. Then he asked if we could not let you in. And I was like, well, they're not doing anything, not threatening you or anything. They're coming to watch a show.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
And he was like, well, can I at least know where they're sitting at? And he goes, it'll be wherever the most excited people are. And son of a bitch were we. I mean, we were a sprout of grass on a dirt field of people. I mean, we were the only ones. We were hyped. I know all the words. He's the best. But that was the genius of Howard Stern that I fucked up when I started getting into broadcasting.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
I broadcasted always like it was going to be me talking to a friend or friends shooting the shit. Right. Not that you're going to come across these people. So I would have played more what Howard Stern was always great at is like take the lunatic, but he's always going to be like, no, you're great. Dude, you're the best. And let the world make the joke.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
He yells at his band. The guitar solo. He doesn't know how to play the guitar.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
No. No, no, but you don't have to know how to play to know he does not know how to play. I could do what he's doing for sure. But then here's what he did. I don't know what the trickleback is, but I said after that was going viral, the guitar, I was like, why doesn't this guy just come out and say, like... Like if he's kind of like, no, I get it. I get the joke too.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Like then it kind of puts people in there and stops them in their tracks. And then he kind of did that. He came and he goes, of course it's the worst guitar solo ever. Of course. That's why I'm doing it. Like it's funny. And it's like, no. And Fred Durst came out to watch him do it to prove he was doing it. Because Fred Durst is smart like Howard Stern. He makes him think he's his friend.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
But he's a way bigger enemy than I could ever be to him. Yeah. Because he's going like, dude, go make an ass of yourself in front of all these people.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
So Leo Moon Frye, she had the biggest titties when we were kids.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
But if you want to still... Oh, you're saying if you're still clamoring for the fame.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
i'm like i watch things so open-minded and just looking to be entertained that i miss messages a lot but by the third episode i realized it's about a little boy gets immediately accused of uh tell starts of killing a classmate and he's getting arrested each episode is one shot to me it's like a play and the acting is unbelievable but the what it whittles down to it's apparently like a uh from the
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
I like those Carter kids. I mean, that Aaron Carter kid was lost. He was doing gay porn at the end. Not gay porn, but like gay cam stuff.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah. Just whacking off on camera with face tattoos.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
He's supposed to. I don't know if it ever ended up happening.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
What's really sad about it is people is... It's not just people watching you fight that wigs me out so much. It's that there's something that knowing how to fight and the form of what you're doing looking any kind of good, especially if you're fighting street fights.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
I mean, when they devolve into, like, you know, like men swinging like this, you're like, oh, man, we really all suck at the end of the day at this. Like, it's so hard to keep, like... A fighter's composure on a street fight.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
And just like, yeah, jerseys and stuff. So I definitely played it up. The funniest was having a big silver chain with a cross and I'm Jewish. Wow. I just really was like, I think they'll like me more if I have a cross.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Do you have to deal with, because I know from when Lewis was working with Biz Bing and stuff and he'd go to Vegas. He'd be like they were all surprised at how many drunk guys at the casino try to like give him shit Oh, there's a bunch of people come to you all the time.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
It's just the idea you think you could win that fight.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
The thing about fighting too is endurance. That's what most people don't have in any kind of fight. If it's not over in 30 seconds, everyone's holding each other. One of my favorite things I watch, I watch a lot of like body cam crime shit on YouTube. And there's one, it's a Key West, it's a couple. Uh, the guy's hammered. He essentially, he's got money for sure.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
This guy, he's just trying to like, you know, pay his bill with a library card or something where he's like, he doesn't know what's going on and he's barking at the staff. And then someone on the staff pushes his face and then it breaks into this melee, but it's, you know, 50 something year old white people getting into a fight. And one guy, uh, gets him in a side headlock, useless.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
The videos I watched beyond, like this show explained, because I look at all those, and it was like an anti-toxic masculinity message. And the idea was just like the kids watched porn and his dad's a tough guy, so that's why he thought he can kill a woman or why he can kill a girl. Wow. And they shout out a...
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
And then they both sort of fall down. The husband and this guy who intervenes. And the guy who intervenes eventually puts his legs, you know, puts in his hooks, basically. But does nothing. Doesn't choke the guy out. They're just kind of sitting there, two old exhausted guys. Ten minutes later, at least, they get up and they kind of have like the... You're a pussy. You're a pussy kind of thing.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
And they leave. Then it cuts back to the cops outside, and they want to talk to the guy who intervened. Not mad at him. They just want to get his side of the story, what happened. And this guy is just an old man, and the cops are questioning him, and they start to lose their patience because he just wants to keep telling his hero story. He just watched what happened.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
It's just two old men holding each other on the ground. He goes... Guy came out of nowhere and punched me, and I grew up doing this shit, man. So, you know, I told the guy, I go, you got two ways this can go tonight, man. Oh, no. He goes, you could knock it off or I could beat the fuck out of you. He's telling this to the cops? Yeah. You might be able to find we're very classy.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Body cam, we're very classy people. Maybe, hopefully you could find it. But when he's telling the cop, then he goes, he's like, I told him I could beat the fuck out of you. He goes, all right, so then you were able to subdue him? He's like, yeah. He goes, I took him down and I'm like, he goes, I don't want a problem with you. And I go, you want no parts of what I'm about to bring to you, my man.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
And none of this happened. You just watched a video where he just grabbed them, they flopped on the ground and laid there exhausted for 10 minutes while the lady screams. It's nothing. And it's just like, just a guy talking with that belief. Yep. So this is the video.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
So that's just them getting on the ground. Give me some volume.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
So that's them. Yeah, they just stay there. And eventually get up and have the hands on each other. Yeah, they're up. No, wait. No, no, no. It's right after the video.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
And then he goes, there's only one more thing where the cop cuts him off.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
The cop cuts him off. He doesn't want to hear what he says anymore. He goes, so you were able to get him on the ground? He goes, got him on the ground. And I said to him, he goes, you had him on the ground. Stop telling us your... I mean, the way this guy speaks, it's like the Bushido code states that if the weapon is drawn, it must taste blood before put away.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
And again, I don't know a lot of this guy's stuff other than the basic idea, but they shout out Andrew Tate. And when I heard that name, I was like, oh, that's what this is. But here's the thing.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
This is hilarious white people fighting. That's what this is. It's hilarious. And it goes nowhere.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
But he's like, I drug him on the ground. Really, the husband drags him on the ground, technically.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
But tell you something, my friend Justin Silver used to have my favorite joke about... that kind of personality though. He's like, he's like, he goes, I'm a liar. He goes, I lie about everything. And he was like, uh, I'm the guy who like, you know, gets into a situation with somebody in the street. Uh, and then I don't do anything.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
And then I go home shadow box and call my friends and tell them all the things that I wish I did. Like it actually happened. And his line was, if I did all the things I told my friends I did, my name would be Indiana Bon Jovi Balboa.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
I'll find that asshole. I've done dumb things, though, where it's like, I don't even know, with no real trained preparation for any of these situations, but like, I also, when I... I always had a car. And when you're younger and have a car, it's destroying you financially, usually. Like how much it costs to have a car. So it means a lot to you, no matter how shitty it is.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
When people would fucking hit my car, New York's a big thing with that. You stop short and a pedestrian just slaps the front of your car or something.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
It's what unites me and Lewis. We both have a crazy need for justice.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
It's the thing. It's like the guy who did that thing. I bet he won't do that anymore. I bet he won't do that anymore after I've sorted this situation out. But I mean, it's so dumb. It's so dumb.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
Getting out of the car. I mean, one time so early when I was coming to New York, what became my ex-wife, we were just dating at the time in a car, driving a Saturn guy, trying to impress two girls he's with. And he goes by, just like slaps the front of the car. And then they walk into Washington Square Park. and I'm just stewing in it. I bark some shit out the window. No, no, no. For seconds.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
I'm stewing in it. And then I pull over with my new girlfriend. I go, wait here. And she goes, what? And then I begin to run after this guy into the park. What I'm not thinking about is as I'm running, when I finally find this guy on the other side of Washington Square Park, I turn around. Dude, he could have pushed me over with a feather. I was like...
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
What's up motherfucker you you wanna fucking slap yours cars and luckily I just scared him with my size I guess ultimately or something because like he didn't do anything But I was like as soon as I got there and spun this guy around I'm like I'm done. I'm so exhausted running I never run I sprinted to find him without thinking that I'm giving all my energy to that run.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
You just fucking hit my car, man. And he was, like, luckily, like, apologetic and like, whoa, dude, I don't want any trouble. And you're like, this fucking ain't right. This fucking ain't right. I don't want any trouble.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
It's a I took ten extra minutes walking back to the car leaving my girlfriend in the car Because I didn't want her to see how heavy I was breathing I thought we'd get it all back together and just come back to the car and be like scared that pussy Such a dumb thing to do because you could do it to the wrong guy I watch my instincts are terrible on it cuz I do I don't get out thinking like and then as soon as someone put a gun I'd be like none of this was worth it.
The Joe Rogan Experience
#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson
There's a great video of a very in-shape cop. He's going at it with a teenager who's really talking shit. And he's like a wiggery kid doing like a, yo, man, take off that badge. You know what's up? Take off that badge. Take off the vest, boy. You know what's up? And he just keeps going to him. And the cops eventually are like, hey, you keep balling up your fists, man. Like, what are you doing?
This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von
E555 Dave Smith
Well, that's a good way to do it. Maybe have some other people help babysit you. Oh, I'd like to get to that point.
This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von
E555 Dave Smith
Like, just like, yeah, I'm fucking wrecking these fools here, dude. Like, I'm the only one going hard.