2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Bert Choke Slammed Two Dudes | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Mon, 14 Apr 2025
Check out Bert's new special "Lucky" streaming on Netflix! The 2 Bears, 5K in Tampa is less than a month away! Sign up at https://www.2bears5k.com/#intro SPONSORS: - Start your free online visit today at https://Hims.com/BEARS. - Today get 20% off your DeleteMe plan by texting CAVE to 64000. - Shop data plans at https://MINTMOBILE.com/BEARS - Head to https://acorns.com/bears or download the Acorns app to get started. - Get 20% OFF + Free Shipping @MANSCAPED with promo code BEARS at https://manscaped.com! #ManscapedPartner #TCSociety Tom and Bert are back in the cave and things get spicy fast. This week the Bears dive into alternative p*rn genres you didn’t know you needed, celebrate the beauty of international women, and break down the logic and logistics behind the noble art of “homie head.” They also mentally prepare for a Por Osos gay bar takeover and talk the top 5 hot chick accents. Next, Bert recounts his unforgettable Monday Night RAW moment where he went full low-IQ adult and choke slammed two dudes on live TV! Then it’s onto arranged marriages, glory holes, and other socially important topics. Pack a towel, this one gets sweaty. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 284 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:02:23 - Alternative P*rn 00:07:41 - Normalize Homie Head 00:14:11 - Por Osos Gay Bar Takeover 00:18:58 - Bert Choke Slammed Two Dudes 00:31:25 - The Wrestling Bug 00:40:15 - Retirement Community Idea 00:45:42 - International Delights 00:51:31 - Hottest Chick Accents 00:59:22 - Arranged Marriages 01:04:10 - Glory Holes, Milking Tables, & Sexy Nurses 01:09:51 - MSG & Summer Break 01:17:56 - Wrap Up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Chapter 1: What alternative p*rn genres are discussed?
Travis Barker's going to come out. I think Travis Barker's going to come out. I think Jason Kelsey's going to come out. It's going to be a blast. And we party on the field on the 50-yard line. We got music there.
Chapter 2: What is 'homie head' and why is it being normalized?
100%.
Chapter 3: What happens during the Por Osos gay bar takeover?
Cheers. And we are back, and we're together, and you're out of the hospital, and you're here. I feel good. You look good. It's been a rough. You have a star on your face.
Chapter 4: What led to Bert choke slamming two dudes?
I have a star on my face because I have a pimple, and this draws out the pimple. I think it's ingrown hair. Is it designed for that, or is it just? Well, you can get ones that are circles, but then you look kind of weird. But is it for that? Yeah. Oh, it's for that. It draws out the pimple.
Chapter 5: How did Bert get the wrestling bug?
Okay.
And so I'd rather have a star on my face and let everyone see it than put like a – I was going to put a Band-Aid over it. Yeah. But it's crazy. Everyone's like, what happened here? Dude, this pimple has two heads on it. Two heads? It's two heads. It looks like Marky Mark's nipples. You ever know he had a third nipple? No. Yeah, Mark Wahlberg has a third nipple. I didn't know that.
By the way, so does one of the guys in WWE has a third nipple. I saw that too. How long has that been a two-headed dildo on your face? I woke up – it's – I got this. If you go back like a month ago, it was there, but it never got ahead. And then it went away, but I could always feel a lump. And then it started coming back. It's a hair. It's a hair in there. So I got to get Dr. Pimple Popper on it.
Chapter 6: What are the hottest chick accents?
Yeah, Mark Wahlberg has a third nipple. Really? Yeah. Do you ever see those girls with two vaginas? Type in girl with two vaginas. And what's the draw with, I mean, I'm not, no shade given to Bonnie, to Bonnie, the woman that's fucking everyone. Bonnie Blue? Bonnie Blue, no shade. But like, that's crazy that that's like a big thing that people are trying to outdo each other.
Chapter 7: What are the thoughts on arranged marriages?
It's like when comics were seeing who could go longest on stage. Yeah. It's like wild. And I think she said they each get like, they each get like 45 seconds. Oh, 45 seconds.
Chapter 8: What funny stories connect to glory holes?
I thought they'd get like a souvenir.
I fucked Bonnie Blue and all I got was his hat. Yeah. She was born with two vaginas. Who? This other person? I've been hearing a lot about vaginas.
Oh, she's got OnlyFans. That's cool. That's what you should do if you have two pussies. You should show them.
Yeah. I'd have two OnlyFans. One for one pussy and one for the other. You think you could fuck that... The answer is yes. Well...
She's got a vagina. Okay. But she, everywhere else looks male. Hold on. Who's the, what's the porn star's name? Buck Angel. You think you could fuck Buck Angel? Oh. Right? Kind of looks like Jason Ellis. So, you know what I mean? Oh my God, there's a vagina there. Yeah, yeah. So he was a biological female. Oh, 100% I could. It wouldn't, it would be cool for you to look in the face.
Like, look at his face? I think we'd do it doggy style. I mean, it's still, like, a pretty masculine back.
Yeah, it's a pretty... Yeah, I don't know. I probably could be fine fucking that. Really? I mean, his face is so masculine. I think it's kind of fucking cool.
It is cool.
Can I tell you what's crazy?
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