Nikki
Appearances
Mind Pump: Raw Fitness Truth
2594: Six Easy Steps to Good Health & More (Listener Live Coaching)
Hey guys. Thanks for having me.
Mind Pump: Raw Fitness Truth
2594: Six Easy Steps to Good Health & More (Listener Live Coaching)
So I am 41. I have been running and lifting weights since high school. Um, the lifting has been kind of inconsistent or it was in my twenties and thirties. I've always been consistent with my running. Um, but about six or seven years ago, I got very consistent with my weightlifting and kind of wanted to do like a body recomp and I had had kids. Um, I was never heavy.
Mind Pump: Raw Fitness Truth
2594: Six Easy Steps to Good Health & More (Listener Live Coaching)
I just wasn't as, um, muscular as I would like to be. Um, so I got very lean. Um, I sent some pictures of some progress through the years. Um, But in the whole process of building muscle, my running has really suffered and I have slowed down a lot. I stayed lean for about a year or two, kind of did a maintenance. And then for the last six months, I've been doing a little bit of a build.
Mind Pump: Raw Fitness Truth
2594: Six Easy Steps to Good Health & More (Listener Live Coaching)
But now I think I'm at the point where I don't want to build anymore. I just want to maintain and try to cut. But the problem is, is I'm so active already. Like I get 20,000 steps a day. I watch what I eat. I lift four days a week. Um, I don't know what type of program to follow or where to start.
Mind Pump: Raw Fitness Truth
2594: Six Easy Steps to Good Health & More (Listener Live Coaching)
I would like to, but I don't know if it would just be taking a cut. Like if I just did a cut, if that would help, um, I'm not sure.
Mind Pump: Raw Fitness Truth
2594: Six Easy Steps to Good Health & More (Listener Live Coaching)
Yes.
Mind Pump: Raw Fitness Truth
2594: Six Easy Steps to Good Health & More (Listener Live Coaching)
I had a feeling you would say that, but I need help not doing too much. And I don't know where to start because I feel like I've been running for so long that I have like, if I quit running, my metabolism is going to freak out. And I'll gain weight. That's my fear.
Mind Pump: Raw Fitness Truth
2594: Six Easy Steps to Good Health & More (Listener Live Coaching)
Um, I mean, I'd usually just run six miles and kind of keep an eye on my mile pace.
Mind Pump: Raw Fitness Truth
2594: Six Easy Steps to Good Health & More (Listener Live Coaching)
Yes.
Mind Pump: Raw Fitness Truth
2594: Six Easy Steps to Good Health & More (Listener Live Coaching)
Even if I cut my running back, I don't need to mess with the calories?
Mind Pump: Raw Fitness Truth
2594: Six Easy Steps to Good Health & More (Listener Live Coaching)
I'm not track. I mean, I get 150 grams of protein every day. That's really all I track. I would guess probably around 2200.
Mind Pump: Raw Fitness Truth
2594: Six Easy Steps to Good Health & More (Listener Live Coaching)
um like eight years yeah yeah you're doing a little too you're adaptive you're not progressing yeah right yeah yeah so yeah we need to shake that and as i ramped up the weight training like i started to slow down but i've also put on muscle so i've gained weight so i didn't know if i was slowing down because i was i was carrying more muscle so i was a little heavier
Mind Pump: Raw Fitness Truth
2594: Six Easy Steps to Good Health & More (Listener Live Coaching)
Or if it was just, I was, the volume was just high. Sure. Yeah.
Mind Pump: Raw Fitness Truth
2594: Six Easy Steps to Good Health & More (Listener Live Coaching)
Right. I like the sprinter body. I don't like the marathoner body.
Mind Pump: Raw Fitness Truth
2594: Six Easy Steps to Good Health & More (Listener Live Coaching)
Perfect. Thank you.
Mind Pump: Raw Fitness Truth
2594: Six Easy Steps to Good Health & More (Listener Live Coaching)
I have one more quick question if you have time. Yes, we do.
Mind Pump: Raw Fitness Truth
2594: Six Easy Steps to Good Health & More (Listener Live Coaching)
Totally unrelated. So my son is 14. He's going into high school. He's a quarterback and his football coach wants him to gain 30 pounds before the season.
Mind Pump: Raw Fitness Truth
2594: Six Easy Steps to Good Health & More (Listener Live Coaching)
So we started this right after Thanksgiving and I've got him and he also, I think he hit a growth spurt around the same time because he's put on 20 pounds.
Mind Pump: Raw Fitness Truth
2594: Six Easy Steps to Good Health & More (Listener Live Coaching)
But we did it very clean, like extra protein, like good calories.
Mind Pump: Raw Fitness Truth
2594: Six Easy Steps to Good Health & More (Listener Live Coaching)
But now he's at the point where he's like, mom, just let me eat the extra ice cream. Let me eat the milkshake. Let me just junk build. He's like, my coach said it's fine. I'll be fine. And I really don't want him to do that. So when he found out I was going to talk to you guys today, he goes, mom, ask those guys, see what they say and how I should build.
Mind Pump: Raw Fitness Truth
2594: Six Easy Steps to Good Health & More (Listener Live Coaching)
Yes, so he lifts weights four or five days a week.
Mind Pump: Raw Fitness Truth
2594: Six Easy Steps to Good Health & More (Listener Live Coaching)
He was right around 4,000.
Mind Pump: Raw Fitness Truth
2594: Six Easy Steps to Good Health & More (Listener Live Coaching)
Oh, yeah. He has a shake with his lunch. He would have a protein shake after dinner.
Mind Pump: Raw Fitness Truth
2594: Six Easy Steps to Good Health & More (Listener Live Coaching)
So he's 5'10", 5'11". And when we started, he was at like...
Mind Pump: Raw Fitness Truth
2594: Six Easy Steps to Good Health & More (Listener Live Coaching)
Perfect. Thank you guys so much.
Mind Pump: Raw Fitness Truth
2594: Six Easy Steps to Good Health & More (Listener Live Coaching)
Okay, great.
Mind Pump: Raw Fitness Truth
2594: Six Easy Steps to Good Health & More (Listener Live Coaching)
Okay.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
Deck the Bills: Smart Spending and Credit Tips for the Holidays
Hi, Sean. My name is Nikki, and I am calling not with a money question but with a concern because on the March 25th episode, when you guys are busting the myth about your credit card balance, I think there is a big misunderstanding, and I totally get it. I think it's from a – Maybe it's from a place of never being in a situation where this mattered.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
Deck the Bills: Smart Spending and Credit Tips for the Holidays
But the myth you busted could possibly be very confusing for your listeners because what that number one myth about carrying a balance on your credit card is the reason that it's out there or that advice has been given is because what some people are doing in an effort to not have credit card debt is they make a purchase and then they immediately in that moment pay it off. What happens then is
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
Deck the Bills: Smart Spending and Credit Tips for the Holidays
they are not actually showing a balance when the statement hits, which means they are not showing credit usage, which, of course, you know, means they are not helping their credit score.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
Deck the Bills: Smart Spending and Credit Tips for the Holidays
I would love to see if that is something that could be addressed in a future show, because I am concerned that that episode is definitely going to misguide some people or confuse, because there is more to it than what was discussed in that show. And I think you guys do an amazing job at having these conversations, and I would love to see that one be revisited. Thank you so much.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
Deck the Bills: Smart Spending and Credit Tips for the Holidays
I hope you have an amazing day and I look forward to listening to more of your episodes.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
It's going good. Just happy to be here.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
What's up? Okay, so here's my question. How do I support my alcoholic best friend while maintaining healthy boundaries?
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
Okay. So this is one of my very best friends of about 25 years. We've been friends since we were about 13, and she's like a sister to me. She was a big part of my life growing up and into adulthood, except she lives on the other side of the country.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
I live close to where we grew up, but we've always been really good at staying connected, and she does visit California often because her family is here too. Okay. She is single. She doesn't have any kids. She owns a house by herself. She's really dedicated to her work. That's why she lives there. But essentially, she's there alone.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
And so 25 years of friendship, there's obviously a lot of history there. And there were many incidents over the years kind of leading up to where we're at today. But The point of this call is that about nine months ago, she confessed to me that she is an alcoholic and that she's been lying to everyone around her for years.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
And so in this confession, I learned that the extent of that addiction is really bad. And so I did anything I could from afar to be as best of a friend as I could and just encouraged her to take steps in the right direction. I'm also worth noting that I believe I am kind of her main source of emotional support and the only person she has talked to about this.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
And on top of that, she literally asked me to just kind of keep this a secret from everyone who basically is on the other side of this double life that she's been living.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
Her family, her job, our friends, even my family, like my husband, she just doesn't want me talking about it to anybody and kind of also expects me to go out of my way to cover it up with any mutual contacts we have, which I'm pretty close with her family. We have a lot of the same best friends, all of that kind of stuff.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
Is it getting worse? So since all of that, it's been just a mess. It kind of turned into this draining cycle that was becoming a lot for me to handle and just be a part of on my own. So I did make the decision a few months ago to kind of distance myself from all of it and created some boundaries for myself.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
Which in a nutshell was basically that she will only have access to me in the way that she's used to if she can commit to pursuing long-term sobriety. And at the time, she didn't want that. She wasn't ready for it. So I took a step back. I still don't know if it was the right thing to do or not. But fast forward to today to kind of catch you up to speed.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
She now tells me that she hasn't had a drink in about two months. She says now she's going to AA on a weekly basis and that her mindset in general is just kind of shifting and she is starting to understand now that she does need long-term sobriety from alcohol. So basically telling me all the things that we want to hear and I hope that's all true.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
My main issue, I suppose, is whether I should even be believing her and letting my walls down again. And... even if she is telling the truth and she is making that progress, I'm so happy, but there are still just some views for me that haven't really changed and has just led me to still feel kind of conflicted and resentful.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
Yeah. So I think it is, you know, the fact that she still isn't being fully honest with the people around her and wants me to kind of, cover this up for her when she, when we are together. And she's still refusing to tell anyone else or admit to anyone else about her alcoholism and wants me to keep it a secret and uses me as kind of like excuses around things. Give me an example of that.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
Yeah, so say when she is in town visiting family in California and she's going to an AA meeting, she tells them that she's going to... to see me or make plans with me. Or if she's bringing in non-alcoholic products, she says they're mine. So it's not even the fact that she, how bad her alcoholism is. It's even that she's in recovery. She doesn't want anybody to know about.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
Um, I'm, I, so her, she has a, uh, interesting kind of relationship with her family. She only recently, um, is rebuilding a relationship with them after being kind of estranged for the last couple of years as a result of her alcohol use. Um, so they, it wouldn't be a surprise, but I think it would strain things with them.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
Yeah, I mean, I know some of it, which is bad enough.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
Yeah, and I think that while I am... surprised at the extent of how bad it was today, like how much she was using on a regular basis and affecting her day to day. There's still, you know, the fact that she abuses alcohol is not a surprise to me.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
As I had mentioned, just so many things that have happened throughout the years that I knew that there was, you know, it was a coping mechanism for her for sure. I just didn't know the extent of how bad it was now.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
Oh, yeah. I mean, I hope that's not the case. I don't think that that's the case at all. I actually, you know, I felt that in my immediate response when she first came clean to me was like, I will do anything I can to support you. Let me know what you need.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
You know, did a lot of work with her and just tried to get her in the right direction and was absolutely, you know, open to being her kind of point of contact for support. Okay, awesome. I think it was...
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
In the period between then and now, there was a lot of the, you know, it just turned into kind of this exhausting cycle of celebrating each day together without drinking to then a relapse would come. And I would find out by getting a drunken call out of nowhere, being completely belligerent and then... lying and gaslighting me.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
And then the next day full of shame of regret and asking you forgiveness and support again. And then that just kind of repeating itself over and over again, that became really hard for me.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
I, Okay. I think that what I struggle with now is I still want to be that person for her. I really do. I just don't... During that phase and seeing that cycle and how real that addiction was for her... I don't know what I can believe now. I feel like I don't, when she does tell me that she hasn't had a drink in two months, do I just say like, okay, great. What's the other option?
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
Yeah, I think it's just, I'm up for being the person. It's just, it's hard being the only person.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
Yeah. Yeah. I will say that one of the things, and I feel like I have tried to do a lot of that type of reflection around this situation. One of the things that does bother me that might be a me issue is kind of like when she does come into town and we are with our friends and she is kind of pitching her life as something I know that it's absolutely not.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
And so it becomes uncomfortable for, I mean, I think that's the problem I have with her not being honest with other people. It's because it's like uncomfortable for me to just sit by and listen to what I know is lies in front of people I know could help her and support her.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
Yeah. That's helpful because I think that that is the part I was struggling with. If I should be putting my own values over, you know, pushing or forcing my friend to do something she wasn't ready to do.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
Yeah. I've had to kind of reiterate that a couple of times to her that she gets really angry with me. I just, I'm like, I love you, but your safety and health are more important to me than our friendship right now. All day, every day. It's okay if you're mad at me.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
I do think it really is at the point of being afraid for, you know, that she'll... stay alive with this.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
Um, in the next month or so. Yes.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
Yeah. Yeah. I'm comfortable saying that to her.
The Ramsey Show
Credit Is a Crutch—It’s Time to Walk Without It
Hi, thank you so much for having me on. So my question is basically, how do my husband and I approach helping my in-laws in their retirement when we are working our own baby steps and they are also not making financially responsible decisions themselves?
The Ramsey Show
Credit Is a Crutch—It’s Time to Walk Without It
Well, I guess let me give some context for what's happening right now. Last fall, they stopped paying their mortgage in a home they've been in for over 30 years. Why? We still don't. Wait, why? We have no idea. They won't tell us. And so we don't know where that money has gone, and they're about to lease their home to foreclosure now, but they're trying to get it sold.
The Ramsey Show
Credit Is a Crutch—It’s Time to Walk Without It
And if they do get it sold, they'll net about $200,000, but they haven't saved anything towards retirement, and we don't know how much credit card debt they have, but my guess would be high five figures.
The Ramsey Show
Credit Is a Crutch—It’s Time to Walk Without It
A bit of both. So they have been kind Oof. It's, I mean, it's, it's, it's pretty ugly and I'm just really feeling that anxiety because I don't want to be dished to my own children someday. And I worry about how much money they'll want from us. And will that rob me of my own retirement savings and my children?
The Ramsey Show
Credit Is a Crutch—It’s Time to Walk Without It
No. My husband and I, we have worked really hard to get on the same page. When we first got together, he said, absolutely, I'm going to deplete our emergency fund to help them if they ever ask. But he's very much the opposite now. But I guess the worry is, too, if we say no, that it's going to ruin the relationship he has with his
The Ramsey Show
Credit Is a Crutch—It’s Time to Walk Without It
Um, well, I just had my first baby. And so I'm going back to work just part time. So I think this next year, we'll probably met around or not met, excuse me, we'll probably gross around 110. Okay.
The Ramsey Show
Credit Is a Crutch—It’s Time to Walk Without It
Well, he's not going to give it to them unless the house is supposed to be sold to another family member, and that should be closed on by the end of the month. If it's not— His brother has said he will give them the $10,000 in order to give them more time to try to sell so that they don't just lose everything.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
Hi, Ramsey Scheller. So great to be on here. Thank you so much.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
So I have $260,000 in federal student loan debt.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
Well, I have a Bachelor of Science in Chemical Engineering, and I have a Master's in Engineering Management.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
So that's the catch. I was working in the field and once 2021 hit, I had my daughter in the absence of her father, he passed away. So I kind of had to step back from the field for a little while and focus on my motherhood, but I'm ready now to come back. And I'm back in chaos in the economy that I just feel like is not working for engineering anymore. Oh, bull crap.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
No, for a mother, a single mother, balancing that together.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
You need to go make some money. Right.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
Well, this is the thing. I am trying to figure out... I've been interviewing and... It's like I'll get close to a yes, but as soon as it's, oh, we may need you to stay in, we may need you to be on call. And as an engineer, that's kind of like the livelihood before my motherhood kicked in, being on call and being available, which I've always been able to.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
But now that you're a mom, a single mom at that, you have to not be available at those times. You have to take care of the child.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
What do you mean by facing small parts?