Izzy
Appearances
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Akbar Domestique
Not only did he see a camera crew around, I had a microphone in the reporter's face. It was reporter inception. And he still didn't know what was going on. And so, yeah, next thing you know, there's a story in the Sun Sentinel.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Akbar Domestique
You don't have to do it in his voice. Well, I didn't.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Akbar Domestique
By the way, great reporting. Now we know where he's from. See, we should give this reporter some standing ovation maybe.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Akbar Domestique
I'm sorry, there are people every day that I see with fake eyelashes. So what's wrong with a little bit of an extra enhancement of your mustache?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Akbar Domestique
This is... I thought you were saying it was embarrassing for me because Jeremy's friend, a South Florida journalist, did not recognize me.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Akbar Domestique
And what's wrong with that? I mean, what do we do? What do we watch all day on TV? It's just that drama. And I think after five and a half years of them being together, to go from even the fake platitudes and the fake niceness and just, hey, that's my teammates, those are my boys, to just absolute nothing, like, yeah, that has to be a falling off, like one of the worst you've ever seen in the NBA.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Akbar Domestique
Like, I even, like, Kobe Shaq wasn't even, I mean, I know it was bad, But, you know, people figured, hey, they'll get over it. This one, it just feels like this is just the end of any relationship he could possibly have. And he said they didn't want to burn any bridges with the organization. It seems like he has.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Akbar Domestique
I mean, it is the relationship that ended. It's not like it's dissimilar. But I think the best part about this, to me, was all the pettiness from the heat. It was not just not talking to him. I think Alec Burks might get in trouble, by the way, because he actually did go in.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Akbar Domestique
But he did call people called Kevin Love and Terry Rozier. But the relationship didn't end when he left. The relationship was over while they were here. So they don't I mean, they they're not happy with Jimmy as well.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Akbar Domestique
This is fake, right? This is acting. He's wearing glasses. You need a mustache. We got Akbar in here.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Akbar Domestique
That was the strangest part of the whole night because as the beginning of this show had no sound, as soon as you're supposed to hit the music, they played this one part and it was like, I think it's this part of Eminem, right? Where he's just like, it's the return of, just kidding. And I was like, wait, wait a second. That seems like a shot at Jimmy Butler.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Akbar Domestique
But it was like the Vice jersey thing, right? So that was the beginning of that one. And then the music just didn't play. The video was playing, but no music. There was a popping sound.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Akbar Domestique
It was a feeling of, oh, Jimmy Butler's gone and everything goes to shit.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Akbar Domestique
Wait, but you can read it for like five seconds before the paywall comes up. So you can get like a different graph each time.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Akbar Domestique
Competitiveness is overrated as just a value to have, right? Because it ruins a lot of things. It ruins relationships. It ruins a lot. And when you talk about somebody like Steph Curry, for example, who's kind of in the center of their universe, what do people say about him? I mean, what do people say about Steph all the time? First thing they say. He's a nice guy. Great guy.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Akbar Domestique
Jimmy Butler said in a story by Anthony Slater in The Athletic, he's real real, right? He just treats everybody really nice. You know that's not like a skill, right? You know that's something that you can just do to people, right? And so when you watch the end of that game, or beginning of that game, where they don't shake hands, I mean, nobody, like Bam walks past him as if he was a stranger.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Akbar Domestique
And then after the game, they have, you know, Not only does Jimmy just kind of slink off and go back to the back without talking to any Heat players, what does every single Warrior do that played with Andrew Wiggins, including Steph Curry, who had already gone back to the locker room, came back out to talk to Andrew Wiggins? Why? Nice guy. People love him.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Akbar Domestique
Like, how is that not so telling about as much as we enjoyed this Jimmy Butler experience for five-plus years, it was always going to be that because that's who he is. And I'm sorry for the Warriors, but at some point he's going to be that there, too. Wow, are you calling the shot now? Well, I mean, you know what? I take that back.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Akbar Domestique
Steph Curry could be that powerful of an alien that his power of friendship is just more, you know, stronger than everybody else's. But it's just, it was the relationship between Miami and Jimmy Butler in a nutshell last night.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Akbar Domestique
But that normally happens. Like, the issues between the player and management, it's usually, hey, I'm dunking and I'm yelling at the GM on the sideline. This was just icy. This was worse than Kobe Shaq because it was nobody on that team that Jimmy wanted to talk to. Nobody on the Miami team.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Akbar Domestique
What is he going to do, punch an 80-year-old? Are you kidding me? What is that?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Akbar Domestique
No, you wouldn't. I would absolutely love to see them fight.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Akbar Domestique
Jeremy was so excited about today, and with two words, in seven minutes, you have crushed him, Billy. Not me.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Akbar Domestique
Well, they definitely didn't. I mean, look, that intro video was half-baked. It wasn't. It didn't have the play-by-play. It didn't have the celebration, oh, Miami Heat win the Eastern Conference Championship. It didn't have quotes from Jimmy Butler showing his personality and everything else.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Akbar Domestique
Is it because they were all lies? They also don't normally do that. Jeremy, please. They also don't normally do that in the intros because they want it to build up a little bit, right? And they do that after the first break.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Akbar Domestique
Because no one's there. That's another reason. That building was packed.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Akbar Domestique
90% of the Steph Curry fans didn't speak English. This man is an international megastar. Jimmy Butler's just another teammate to them.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Akbar Domestique
Odd, like strange, weird, like ball. Ball. Ball is life. Art is life. Life is art. I do a show with somebody called Amin Elhassan. Amin Elhassan.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Akbar Domestique
Just to be clear, I know he's got some French accessories. I don't believe he's French. Not French. I asked him a million times. He's not French.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Akbar Domestique
Well, since Amin wasn't there, I'll explain what happened. Akbar and I were sitting there trying to get fans' votes on which Jimmy Butler statue pose we should pick, right? Because I told everybody, hey, things are going to ease off between the heat, cool down between the heat and Jimmy Butler, and they're going to put a statue up there. And so what were the options again? Jimmy Butler was tired.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Akbar Domestique
He made all that money from the Sharon Stone statue.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Is The NHL Better Than The NBA?
But who gives out these awards? Because Mick Overrated deserves an award. That column in itself, top two, I would say, of the last decade.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Is The NHL Better Than The NBA?
Well, actually, if you don't mind just leaving this loop open for a second, because I'd like to. Chris gets beat up a lot when he misspeaks, right, when he makes mistakes, and he just gets tortured all the time by you mostly, Dan, who misspeak, by the way, Stouffer Stovetop, probably the worst in the history of the show. Chris read the liner, right? Can we do it again for Peloton, please?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Is The NHL Better Than The NBA?
It's easy to understand. If it sounds like a mistake from Chris, it probably is, which is why I just wanted to get out in front of this one, say not a mistake.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Is The NHL Better Than The NBA?
Loop closed. Now, what was the original question? Your allegiance.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Is The NHL Better Than The NBA?
Dave Hyde or Greg Cody. This one's interesting. Definitely Cody. So I actually checked in on myself the other day when it was the same day, right, where the Heat lost in overtime to Detroit and the Panthers came back and beat the Oilers. That was one of those deals where I watched the Heat game and was in pain. I actually felt it.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Is The NHL Better Than The NBA?
I was like, Tyler, what the hell are you doing with five seconds left on the shot clock taking that ridiculous three? And then I said to myself, all right, let me see if the Panthers can soothe me because they've never been on the same level. And that comeback win did it for me. I forgot all about the Pistons. I forgot all about Tyler Hero.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Is The NHL Better Than The NBA?
And it was not just like blindly cheering for sweaters and laundry. I know these guys now. I know how they play. And I know how big a win that was in Edmonton.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Is The NHL Better Than The NBA?
And there was no Barkoff the other night. The thing about the Panthers comparing to the Heat just when you watch them, one team clearly just won the championship, but still feels like every game is important. While the Miami Heat have done that, at least going into the season, labeled it as, hey, every game's important. Jim's going to try to play every game. You know that it's just not the case.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Is The NHL Better Than The NBA?
You know that they're experimenting with stuff. You know that they're floating around one through six seed and they're perfectly happy. Every game doesn't matter as much. So the passion and the want to to actually experience the game, it's a little different now from the Panthers to the Heat.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Is The NHL Better Than The NBA?
Body parts everywhere.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Is The NHL Better Than The NBA?
Largely equal. It's like an extra medium. Are you trying to be hurtful on purpose?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Is The NHL Better Than The NBA?
I was a columnist at the same time as both Dave Hyde and Greg Cody. It's at the Miami Herald, the paper of record. Let's be honest. And there is just something about the weight of a Greg Cody column because you know Greg believes it. Like deep down in his soul, he believes it.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Is The NHL Better Than The NBA?
And this is nothing against Dave Hyde, an absolute true professional, a wordsmith, knows how to sort of hit some notes with the fans and the readers, but not quite. quite the same as Greg Cody. Sometimes it might just be a roundup column. Hey, how are all the teams in the city doing?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Is The NHL Better Than The NBA?
But every once in a while, when he hits you with that big energy, that trade merino energy, there's nobody else like him.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Is The NHL Better Than The NBA?
That was wrapped in store.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Is The NHL Better Than The NBA?
That's a tough one.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Is The NHL Better Than The NBA?
I cannot remember off the top of my head one singular Dave Hyde impact column that had anywhere near the impact of Trade Marino. I mean, it's on our wall.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 1: Thank You, Tony Reali
It's almost as if, you know, you didn't know you had somebody who was on the show over the course of, well, what just happened?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 1: Thank You, Tony Reali
over the course of uh 16 years um but no i'm not talking to tony i can talk to tony whenever i want to tony asked me for permission to come on the show today okay i'm talking to amin here because amin asked who the worst panelists of all time were i'm gonna go back and tell you who the best panelists of all time was only one panelist took a halloween obama impression and to
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 1: Thank You, Tony Reali
I decided to use it throughout the show, setting the tone for future Halloween episodes forever. Only one panelist spent, where am I? Spent seven hours doing fake tattoos on my body, becoming Conor McGregor and doing an Irish accent that I'd only practiced on the drive over there, okay? All of this was accomplished because I did it and I was on that show.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 1: Thank You, Tony Reali
Outside of the old heads, outside of, you know, the Kalashas, the Plaskys, the Woody Pages, wins leader, this guy over here, more than Pablo Gori.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 1: Thank You, Tony Reali
And it just made me realize that I just, I grew up on the show. I grew up because of you and because of everybody else. And we're, you know, we're going to miss out on that. There's a lot of people that, you know, even at our age who still watch the show religiously and are going to miss what you sort of created and sort of bonding everybody together there.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 1: Thank You, Tony Reali
So we're definitely going to miss you, man.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 1: Thank You, Tony Reali
If we uncancel the show, can we get you a tripod for that phone, please?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: The Jimmy Butler Saga Continues
You can adjust it, by the way. No, your gut is right. You look fab in that. Not only did I give you a Christmas present, I told you exactly why I got it for you, because it's the Monopoly man, and you're the Mr. Money man, and he's got a white mustache, and your mustache is turning white.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: The Jimmy Butler Saga Continues
No, you don't. No, you don't.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: The Jimmy Butler Saga Continues
I was considering just saying, I'll take it because I have the receipt at home.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: The Jimmy Butler Saga Continues
Now I just feel bad because I said the other day, yesterday, I was like, wow, holidays are treating Dan really well, and now I got you a hat that makes you look fat.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: The Jimmy Butler Saga Continues
It's such a good bargain that people will just put a second one on there just in case this paper's too heavy.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: Top 5 Gabes and Super Bowl Horoscopes (feat. Ricky Williams)
You're welcome.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: Top 5 Gabes and Super Bowl Horoscopes (feat. Ricky Williams)
And it's worse of the two options, Chris, because if it would trickle up to the green, somebody would be like, hey, hey, easy, we're still up here. But this guy's imagining it hitting him directly on the head, which probably would have killed him.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: Top 5 Gabes and Super Bowl Horoscopes (feat. Ricky Williams)
If you have to mouth my bad, it doesn't count as a universal symbol.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: Top 5 Gabes and Super Bowl Horoscopes (feat. Ricky Williams)
Chris, you hit the shot of your life.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: Top 5 Gabes and Super Bowl Horoscopes (feat. Ricky Williams)
Oh, my God.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: Top 5 Gabes and Super Bowl Horoscopes (feat. Ricky Williams)
That's a great dick.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: Top 5 Gabes and Super Bowl Horoscopes (feat. Ricky Williams)
It's A-Men and A-Sar. Just go A every time you want to talk about them. Houston is at Brooklyn. They are nine and a half point favorites. Brooklyn loses every game by double figures these days. I just want to remind everybody that I told you about A-Men Thompson first, and everybody who's been glazing him ever since, you can thank me for putting him out there.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: Top 5 Gabes and Super Bowl Horoscopes (feat. Ricky Williams)
Wow, you're putting that flag out there first.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: Top 5 Gabes and Super Bowl Horoscopes (feat. Ricky Williams)
Yes, putting that flag out there.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: Top 5 Gabes and Super Bowl Horoscopes (feat. Ricky Williams)
That is correct. And I'm also going to remind everybody, Stephen Adams is 31 years old. That's crazy.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
But I do have a pair. So at home I have flip-flops that are designated just for when I'm coming in and out of the shower. And here I have slides that I pack in my Tupperware boxes. Is there a surface you'd prefer your shower floor to be? I mean, I like a stand-in shower. By the way, I don't like tubs. What's that good floor? I don't like tub showers. I like a walk-in shower.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
But yeah, so I guess in that way, I guess I would prefer the tile over the smoothness of a tub, which is just, oh, that's so gross.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
It's just gross. It's not a cleanliness thing. I just don't like the sensation. Do you clean your own tub? I don't have a tub. I have a walk-in shower.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
It's like the Foot Locker.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
Bowling socks. They've got grip. You know what they're really good for? You ever want to rob a bank? Just over your face right there. No, not those. Oh, not those?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
It is laugh party.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
That statement cut it by itself.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
I like doing reads and voices. Everyone else does their read. They just do their read. I'm like, no, you know what? I did a 1-800-Flowers one the other day. Made it real sensual.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
Whoa. but thank you steven smith's voice stephen a smith oh yeah every read should be done in that voice the obama voice i've thought about that before but never actually saying anything explicit that would identify me as obama but just saying you know when i you know want to give my wife flowers i go to 1-800 flowers you may get secret service knocking on your door really
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
2010 Winter Olympics, Canada's playing in the gold medal game for hockey, and I have never in my life seen a more unanimous crowd where every single person was wearing the authentic Canada jersey, stitches and everything. It was just a sea of red.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
But it just staggered me that there wasn't a single person who scalped their ticket or a single person said, oh, I don't have the jersey. I got this other T-shirt. Everyone was wearing it. It blew my mind.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
Every hockey team practices at something where it's a weird ice pun. Because the Coyotes, when they used to be the Coyotes, were at the ice den.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
They're like, Mr. President, are you okay? You're doing reads.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
And then also the thing about the ice den was, same thing with Izzy, it's like, it's your practice facility. Also, it's kind of open to the public where other kids have- Like practices from nine to 11, and then there's free skating from 12 to two. Yeah, and they have a gift shop. And I'm just like, I don't think this exists in any other sport where you can just come and get some open run in.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
Oh, the NBA trade deadline, guys. It never stops. And someone get Ryan Cortez on live support because his beloved P.J. Tucker is being rerouted.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
PJ Tucker is going to his original NBA team, the Toronto Raptors, along with second-round pick and cash in exchange for the man they call off-night, Davion Mitchell. Does that bring them below? Is that the same as trading Kyle Anderson?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
I beg your pardon. That guy's polling great with the NFL audience. Stephen Smith. Wide receiver.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
So... Ladies and gentlemen, Andy Ellsberg has done it again. Well, they had no choice. He is the absolute master. I don't know if there's – well, you guys don't have a salary cap, so no. But, like, in our sport, when we talk about, hey, they've got 12 hours to get under this threshold right here.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
There is nobody, nobody in our league who's as good and creative as Andy Ellsberg, including the year where he got – what's the Slovenian guard? Not Goran Dragic, the other one. Zoran?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
Beno Udre. He got Beno Udre to just lower the – the guarantee on his deal in order to get under?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
Close, I would say it's the second round pick in the cash that they squeezed out of him. They got another little draft asset and some money out of it as opposed to just a player for player or maybe a little bit of money.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
They got you, too.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
David, right now, other than guys like Luka Doncic, for all these flotsam, salary flotsam— Jetsam, even— Sure. A Greg Cody moment right there. Meet George Jetsam. That's a good Greg Cody moment. But for all these guys, nobody gets on a plane. Everyone just hold on, relax, until we figure out where all the pieces will land. You think Butler didn't get on a plane?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
Also, there's another Steven A. Smith that's from American Dad, Steve Anita Smith. Yeah, that's a great show. I love it. I feel like I'm Greg Cody right now.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
Okay, thank you. Flotsam is like debris, and then it's like this is the debris.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake. You dream about going up there, but that is a big mistake. Just look at the world around you right here on the ocean floor.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
I don't know. That might, no, no. You put him on tilt. No, no. You finally did it. Not because I can't, but because I won't. Mitch McConnell doesn't want you under the seat. Well, Mitch McConnell wants me to stay under the seat. That's what it is. The folks across the aisle, they don't want us to get off the land.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
Did you guys see Mitch McConnell fell?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
Cortez, I'm gonna dig deeper with you on this. I'm gonna dig deeper with you on this. So Pat Riley may have made the decision, hey, we've gotta get under, but the man who made the numbers sing is Andy Ellsberg. And them numbers be singing. Let's go ahead and edit this.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
Them numbers be singing. Better you than me, man. Them numbers be singing.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
The Miami Heat are now $1.96 million below the first apron. Congratulations. That's a winner. Yep. They did it.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
This is the part that Parakeet doesn't want to.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
Wait, you say Dan doesn't do, it's not real when Dan does it?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
Right up the...
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
No. Hold on. Is this really happening right now? Is Jess here today?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
My stream has such incredible aim, I get zero splash.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
Yes. Well, they have those seat covers. You do that?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
Yeah, that's what I do. Gladly. Rare, you know me. I'm pretty regular, so I don't have to deal with that. There's some times when you're at a friend's house.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
I never sit. I never sit. The only time I sit is to do the other thing. But even at a friend's house? Not at a friend's house, no. That's just rude. Lift that seat up. Nope, my aim is true. Like a laser.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
David, I'm going to tell you right now. Let me tell you right now. No.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
David, you're hosting like there's a big fight, right? There's a boxing match. You're hosting people over, right? All right, David, I'll come. I'm not doing anything. I want to watch the fight at your house. I show up. Okay, well, thanks for inviting me, David. What's going on?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
Hey, David, where's the bathroom? I just need to wash my hands.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
And there's no toilet in there?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
The half bath is just a toilet and a sink. Is there a bathroom?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
If they're doing work like that, it's not happening. It's fight night, right? Hey, David, the gardener's here.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
Hey, David. Amin Jr. needs to go to the bathroom, too, by the way, just to wash his hands, though. Different directions.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
Wait, did he give you the instruction? Did he give you the pamphlet when you walked in?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
Or are you the one?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
I'm not criticizing. I'm merely asking, how do you actually police all these rules? Pablo's going to the bathroom. Chris is throwing up. I've got to make another drink. How are you making sure the gardener's here? Amin Jr. has to wash his hands. How are you keeping track of all these different things all at once?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
I swear to you, you should try it sometime. No, I hate hosting.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
God damn. David, I got to go.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
There's nothing wrong, by the way, as long as it's because you're drinking a lot and not because of other health issues. There's nothing wrong with going to the bathroom. It's a go problem, not a flow problem.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
You were thinking whether he was like this. Yeah, gargoyle style.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
But, David, you realize it, right? You know that— It's a habit now. No, but I— It should not come as a shock to you, I guess is what I'm saying. You look like at the beginning of this conversation, you guys don't sit down.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
I'm talking about the act of urination for men that sitting down is the norm.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
I got the best angle. I assume you're lying. What's him dunking with a bank shot? I'm really good. Are you Tim Duncan? What's happening here? I'll give you one better, Jeremy. That's true. Earlier, Izzy said, sometimes I don't want to make sound. This typically doesn't happen when I'm at home, but sometimes when I'm at someone's house,
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
I do want to do the silent P so I can aim it at the exact angle where it won't make much of a sound, but also it reduces splash because it reduces. It does not eliminate. Yes, it's true. That's true. There is a little bit of trickle, but a lot of it gets caught up under the rim, which is the whole point of the aim.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
You just got to lean into it.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
The thing that I do that I realized very early on that I'm the only person who does this. I abhor walking into a shower barefoot. I always have slides.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
Even at my own house. Wait, in the shower? In your own home? In my own.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
What's that? What I'm talking about?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
You don't trust your own shower? I could have the shower have been built and installed. I'm the first person to use it and was cleaned and everything. The feeling of my bare foot against tub or tile. disgusts me. Oh, I'm with you here. It disgusts me. Do you pee in the shower? What? No, I don't. Even though Costanza says it's all pipes.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Polishing David's World Series Trophy (feat. Ryan Cortes)
This is me backing you up. That's all true, I mean.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Polishing David's World Series Trophy (feat. Ryan Cortes)
Look, if you've watched the games, you recognize this guy as a talent. He is exactly what Luka needs. There are plenty of people who I believe have been wasting their careers in Charlotte, and he is early one of them. I'm glad he's gone somewhere else. But unless you think Dalton Connect is going to be, I don't know, even J.J.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Polishing David's World Series Trophy (feat. Ryan Cortes)
Redick or some sort of, you know, laser of a 2-3 combo guard or small forward. I don't think you overpaid for that. The Lakers are one of those teams where picks don't matter. It's just like the Miami Heat. Picks don't matter. I'm going to be good all the time.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Polishing David's World Series Trophy (feat. Ryan Cortes)
You said Sam Hinckley and Pablo has never been more lit.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Polishing David's World Series Trophy (feat. Ryan Cortes)
The real winner here is Chris Cody, who now knows what Kyle Anderson and Mark Williams look like.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Polishing David's World Series Trophy (feat. Ryan Cortes)
Why you got to bring that back?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Polishing David's World Series Trophy (feat. Ryan Cortes)
Again, it's overpaying by your opinion. I don't think too many people are assuming that.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Polishing David's World Series Trophy (feat. Ryan Cortes)
David, anybody who's seen Mark Williams play, probably not agreeing with you.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Polishing David's World Series Trophy (feat. Ryan Cortes)
That's got to be a Venmo. It has to be a Venmo. Like, this is the worst phone interruption of all time. We were talking about basketball, and now we're talking about polishing your trophy?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Polishing David's World Series Trophy (feat. Ryan Cortes)
Why are you still here? Yeah.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Polishing David's World Series Trophy (feat. Ryan Cortes)
I mean, you want to hear a scenario that's going to either make you laugh or drive people crazy? I hand it over to Jeremy. So Phoenix is terrible, right?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Polishing David's World Series Trophy (feat. Ryan Cortes)
Is Pat Riley eventually going to land Kevin Durant?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Polishing David's World Series Trophy (feat. Ryan Cortes)
I will not hear Mickey Harrison hatred because somehow he's been able to own a team and still be fiscally responsible while allowing Pat Riley to do his thing for 30 years. And they've been relevant for a long time. So maybe he's doing it right.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Polishing David's World Series Trophy (feat. Ryan Cortes)
No, we're still in the air. You can go a little bit longer. Is there a penalty for that?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Polishing David's World Series Trophy (feat. Ryan Cortes)
What? It's a Japanese, what are you talking about? No, don't move. Just stay perfectly still.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Polishing David's World Series Trophy (feat. Ryan Cortes)
So Cortez, can you speak for Heat fans then? And how do we look back on this Jimmy Butler era? Do we feel bad for Jimmy Butler on the way out because it doesn't seem like he'll be embraced as much? Or is this kind of the bed that he made?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Polishing David's World Series Trophy (feat. Ryan Cortes)
He's really good.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Polishing David's World Series Trophy (feat. Ryan Cortes)
Turns out you have not seen a Charlotte Hornets game since.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Polishing David's World Series Trophy (feat. Ryan Cortes)
No. In a win-now situation for the Lakers, needing a center, no.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
ODDBALL - Ja Morant and the Grizzlies Lose Their Head (Coach)
If you're listening to this, you deserve a Modelo. Because you're not just listening to a podcast, you're studying, sharpening your skills all season. You don't just watch college basketball, you live it. You have the dedication of a full-time fan, so you deserve the beer of a full-time fan.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
ODDBALL - Ja Morant and the Grizzlies Lose Their Head (Coach)
Yeah, let's get this out of the way real quick, because somebody on the reels today I saw called it a squirmish. And I said to myself, oh, wait a second. It's always called a skirmish, but is it spelled squirmish, S-Q-U-I? And so I did all the looking up and it was like, no, people just sometimes people do spell it squirmish. Skirmish, but pronounce it skirmish.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
ODDBALL - Ja Morant and the Grizzlies Lose Their Head (Coach)
And apparently that's allowed because it's like a nonce word or something. I don't know, but just know it's pronounced skirmish no matter how you spell it.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
ODDBALL - Ja Morant and the Grizzlies Lose Their Head (Coach)
Ah, loser, yes. It's just a description.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
ODDBALL - Ja Morant and the Grizzlies Lose Their Head (Coach)
They already were this team. And I'll tell you, it's just because of Isaiah Stewart, in my opinion, beef stew, as they call him. Because if you remember back when they played the Warriors recently, he actually got Steph Curry to do like a double take like and stare down.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
ODDBALL - Ja Morant and the Grizzlies Lose Their Head (Coach)
One, you've seen over the course of these six years with this core of players what they can be when they're healthy and they look good, right? Like, they're not 100% healthy. Obviously, Ja has missed like 30 games. They have been significantly worse since the All-Star break.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
ODDBALL - Ja Morant and the Grizzlies Lose Their Head (Coach)
Right. Right. There's not that many people that can do that and say the right things to Steph Curry or even want to, you know, poke the bear, if you will. And this one, it wasn't even his fight, really. He just came in. And if you show that that image of him, like he left the floor, like pointing at his Detroit jersey, like saying, this is us, like, do not mess with us.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
ODDBALL - Ja Morant and the Grizzlies Lose Their Head (Coach)
And I do think that this whole idea that they are this, you know, young, lovable team. That's great.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
ODDBALL - Ja Morant and the Grizzlies Lose Their Head (Coach)
But this Isaiah Stewart tells me that they're tough and maybe the bad boys are back.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
ODDBALL - Ja Morant and the Grizzlies Lose Their Head (Coach)
they could be a contender in the Eastern Conference. Like, they could just be young, the combination of young and dumb enough and tough enough to surprise somebody. Because let's think about it for a second. You're the Boston Celtics, right? Who did the Boston Celtics really beat in the Eastern Conference last year? I'll help you out. Nobody. Okay, nobody.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
ODDBALL - Ja Morant and the Grizzlies Lose Their Head (Coach)
So if they run into a tough opponent in the second round that's pushing back on them and can score the way this Pistons team can score, I don't know. I think they got shot.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
ODDBALL - Ja Morant and the Grizzlies Lose Their Head (Coach)
It reminds me of the team of Dwayne Wade's rookie year, where he was the star, even though they didn't really know it as much. Cade is leading the way, and it's just a quality group around him that can play today's basketball. Didn't they lose to that Heat team losing the first round? Second round. Second round to the Indiana Pacers in six games.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
ODDBALL - Ja Morant and the Grizzlies Lose Their Head (Coach)
And that was a Pacers team that was supposed to go far in those playoffs. I'm not saying that that team was a contender necessarily. I'm just saying it reminds me of that team. And if they would have beat the Pacers, wouldn't have been that crazy.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
ODDBALL - Ja Morant and the Grizzlies Lose Their Head (Coach)
And I think when you've had a coach for as long as he's been there, when you've seen the ups, you've seen the downs, you kind of notice when it's not going to cycle back. to be a winning team again, to be at their peak.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
ODDBALL - Ja Morant and the Grizzlies Lose Their Head (Coach)
I mean, if they're completely healthy, I'm going to say the Knicks, because as you said, they've been there. We've seen it happen. But Pistons are right there, if not overtaking them, if you just look at the last half of the season.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
ODDBALL - Ja Morant and the Grizzlies Lose Their Head (Coach)
I mean, anything that involves Draymond Green is a possibility. It feels like Centel next time because I don't think he is purposely, this time, because I don't think he is purposely going after Rudy Gobert by proxy at this point. So, yeah, I'm going to go Centel on this one.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
ODDBALL - Ja Morant and the Grizzlies Lose Their Head (Coach)
And if you look at their top six guys, really their top seven guys these days, if you include Scottie Pippen Jr., every single one of them have only known one coach, and that's Taylor Jenkins. Except for Triple J, his first year he had J.B. Bickerstaff. Everybody else, only Taylor Jenkins. So you kind of get the feeling of when, hey, this might turn around.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
ODDBALL - Ja Morant and the Grizzlies Lose Their Head (Coach)
it feels like it should be fake, but I've heard Doc Rivers say this or seen him say this now, not once, but twice, which is, I mean, it's odd that he's going to hang up a banner that says never been swept. I think that was a, that's something that probably should look into when he retires, but man, like the, I guess the,
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
ODDBALL - Ja Morant and the Grizzlies Lose Their Head (Coach)
just inability the lack of awareness here just to say this again not just once but twice because he's been he's talked about this before um it's it's a little embarrassing and yeah i think if you go into doc river's impression it's probably the best way to answer this
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
ODDBALL - Ja Morant and the Grizzlies Lose Their Head (Coach)
All right. Did I tell you which one? You know, the first one I got got with, right, which is the quote from Anthony Edwards. It said, feels like Julius Randall's playing in jeans.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
ODDBALL - Ja Morant and the Grizzlies Lose Their Head (Coach)
That one seemed pretty real. I got got on that one.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
ODDBALL - Ja Morant and the Grizzlies Lose Their Head (Coach)
Well, I mean... If he were to chime in and he did say that, he would be probably lying, right? Because he grew up when his dad was winning MVPs. And there's a couple of them that people think, a couple more that people think should have gone to him and shouldn't have gone to somebody else like Derrick Rose. And so, yeah, he didn't grow up in an era where the best player got the MVP.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
ODDBALL - Ja Morant and the Grizzlies Lose Their Head (Coach)
So I'm going to say this is Centel. I think Bronny would have been all over the place if he said this.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
ODDBALL - Ja Morant and the Grizzlies Lose Their Head (Coach)
This is me doing the Will Ferrell meme where he's super pumped, but not doing it very well. I need to be in a robe.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
ODDBALL - Ja Morant and the Grizzlies Lose Their Head (Coach)
Maybe they'll turn it up right before the playoffs. And when you think about, you know, John Morant reportedly not being in love with the offense and seeing how they've fallen off the last couple of weeks or a few weeks, especially defensively, which is the place where you look at mostly where guys are getting coached up. It's when you look at it, it kind of doesn't seem so crazy.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
ODDBALL - Ja Morant and the Grizzlies Lose Their Head (Coach)
I like two teams. I like the Bulls and I think I like the Rockets. But shocking. The Bulls, I think just staying close within 15, even if they're getting blown out, might be able to score some points and just kind of keep it close. I think Rockets, Lakers.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
ODDBALL - Ja Morant and the Grizzlies Lose Their Head (Coach)
I know the Rockets are on a back to back here and the Lakers are desperate, but the Rockets have just been cleaning up and the defense has been spectacular. I don't see the Lakers doing much with that defense.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
ODDBALL - Ja Morant and the Grizzlies Lose Their Head (Coach)
All right. Let's put our money on the Chicago Bulls.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
ODDBALL - Ja Morant and the Grizzlies Lose Their Head (Coach)
Like you're going to an assistant coach that might have a different version of the offense you're already running. And maybe it'll be the best. Maybe it'll be the honeymoon period during the playoffs. And, and you, you know, you get the best of this team because it didn't seem like they were going to go much further than they'd already gone with Taylor Jenkins.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
ODDBALL - Ja Morant and the Grizzlies Lose Their Head (Coach)
Modelo is a rich golden lager with a crisp, refreshing finish, and it pairs perfectly with your passion for college basketball. Visit ModeloUSA.com to order your ice-cold reward. Drink responsibly. Beer imported by Crown Imports Chicago, Illinois.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
ODDBALL - Ja Morant and the Grizzlies Lose Their Head (Coach)
But that also helps out with the timeline, though. I mean, right? Sort of explaining it, right? Because it's like, hey, here's your chance. We need to know what this is going to look like. And as they got further into the season, looked worse and worse. Like, I don't know from the outside looking in, I don't know necessarily who was a Taylor Jenkins guy and who wasn't.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
ODDBALL - Ja Morant and the Grizzlies Lose Their Head (Coach)
But just based on the quotes, seemed like Jaron Jackson Jr. was definitely one. But John Moran certainly was not. Seemed like he got out of bed. He said he was in bed. Saw the quote. Huh. Surprised me. That's pretty much what the extent of his quote. Not, hey, I really love that guy.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
ODDBALL - Ja Morant and the Grizzlies Lose Their Head (Coach)
Let me say this, though. Whoever came up with the offense, I believe it was one of the coaches he was fired with just now. He came up with it as a model after a Division III school. Listen, man, if you're telling me if I'm an NBA front office decision maker and you are telling me you're going to devise an offense based on something that you saw with Division III something or other,
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
ODDBALL - Ja Morant and the Grizzlies Lose Their Head (Coach)
no thank you man i i don't want any of that not only do i not think it's going to work but you're going to tell your players that and they're going to be like why why do we need some division three gimmicky offense and just to answer your last question there in terms of like what does it mean like if they get the best out of their team with this new assistant code or with this new coach what's that going to mean is that going to mean title contention not necessarily but if they make a western conference finals
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
ODDBALL - Ja Morant and the Grizzlies Lose Their Head (Coach)
If they go to a game seven in a second round, as opposed to flaming out in the first round, which a lot of people assume they might have done under Taylor Jenkins, that's enough confirmation for them that they made the right move. I'm not saying that that's what's going to happen, but this isn't one of those championship or bust type of scenarios.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
ODDBALL - Ja Morant and the Grizzlies Lose Their Head (Coach)
It's let's just see in these playoffs, because we know what it looked like under Taylor. Let's see what it looks like with this guy.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
ODDBALL - Ja Morant and the Grizzlies Lose Their Head (Coach)
Well, and the other thing is, is like the the idea. You're right. The idea of that offense was they weren't running as many pick and rolls, even though like somebody like Zach Eady drafted number nine. He says out loud, hey, I love pick and roll offense and they do less of it. Right.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
ODDBALL - Ja Morant and the Grizzlies Lose Their Head (Coach)
And, you know, the idea is that they draft him so they can punish small ball teams instead of just take them out and do the traditional thing. It doesn't seem like they were aligned on a lot of things. And so I wonder if it was something of, you know, they were just waiting for this opportunity, right? Because they've been, you know, they've been up and down all season long.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
ODDBALL - Ja Morant and the Grizzlies Lose Their Head (Coach)
They've been dancing around the two seat for a while. Maybe it's now they're just like, all right, we've seen enough. It was never going to work. You're not doing what we asked you to do anyway. Let's let's use this assistant coach. He might put a couple new wrinkles in the offense. And so people won't complain as much. But yeah, you weren't doing what we asked anyway.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
ODDBALL - Ja Morant and the Grizzlies Lose Their Head (Coach)
I don't think this puts him in the coach killer category because, again, you've had six years with Taylor. I think if anything was going to sort of force him out of Memphis, it was last year and it was everything around that. And so I don't know if this in itself is that telling. I will say that In the games that he missed, they were basically hovering above 500.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
ODDBALL - Ja Morant and the Grizzlies Lose Their Head (Coach)
And so I don't think that is very encouraging if you're the Grizzlies and say, hey, we can move on from Ja whenever we want. I still think they consider him and Triple J as franchise cornerstones.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
ODDBALL - Ja Morant and the Grizzlies Lose Their Head (Coach)
Definitely not. I think I was sort of still getting over the Lakers and Bulls, just taking all the madness from Marcher themselves with the finish of that game. And then I'm sort of getting the Taylor Jenkins news. And it's just... It's weird for a few reasons.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Stories From An NFL Shower
I don't understand how it's taken this long for somebody to bring this up. It's such an obvious void that's been there. It is the one area of that sport that doesn't get rewarded. Everything else can be. Even in college, do they have that at the Home Depot Awards? They have Outland. Now it's interior lineman, right? So in the NFL, absolutely. It's an entirely different situation.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Stories From An NFL Shower
And please stop doing that to Jokic. If an offensive lineman could throw the ball, catch the ball, intercept the ball, then I would maybe make that comparison.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Stories From An NFL Shower
There's nothing there. I just don't think he's watching that many Nuggets games. I'm just going to say it.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Stories From An NFL Shower
Be better. It was as if I started watching Patrick Mahomes this year and him winning these close games and like, he's doing some things, but I'd be like, he's okay. But I have no context for that.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Stories From An NFL Shower
Can we find you for this, Dan?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Stories From An NFL Shower
I didn't say any of those things. You did say... There was also not a bridge. It was just a glass door.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Stories From An NFL Shower
32 years of age, Larson is officially the oldest player in both the transfer portal and college football.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Stories From An NFL Shower
Can they name a route after Wes Welker? Eric Decker?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Stories From An NFL Shower
What is there to steal? Isn't it just quickness? You're either quick or you're not.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Stories From An NFL Shower
But why did they think you were a valet person? Were you just hanging around the keys at an event and they would throw them at you? Yeah, because I'm standing in the front.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Stories From An NFL Shower
I don't think so. I think more people I mean, me personally, I think, yes, obviously you should have run the ball. I don't think that, you know, diminishes everything that he did. It's also was a great play. It was a great play by Malcolm Butler.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Stories From An NFL Shower
He was already the oldest coach when he was coaching, right? He's got to be in his late 70s. I would guess 73.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Stories From An NFL Shower
I don't think you understand how water works, right? This actually happened to me. When I was doing this, and everybody was in the sauna and still could see me, I went from the sauna... to the cold plunge, to the whirlpool, without showering in between, right? I showered before.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Stories From An NFL Shower
And then I had this, I want to say German gentleman, could have been Austrian, come up to me as I was in the whirlpool, while other people were kind of standing around, sort of carrying me, saying, excuse me, next time, if you could please take a shower. I was like, well, thank you. One of the people who work here never told me to do that. I took a shower beforehand.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Stories From An NFL Shower
And also, I'm not sure you know how sweat works. Because it's not like it just comes out dirty. And if I get into the whirlpool, I'm going to sweat anyway, whether I took a shower or not. Sorry, I'm just taking it out on this dude. You know what?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Stories From An NFL Shower
But we're all in this shared space supposedly clean beforehand. Again, this is a matter of not knowing how pores work. Okay, so you showered before you got in.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Stories From An NFL Shower
Can we put that sign on the door? What if I cover them with my hands?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Stories From An NFL Shower
I just want to remind people, I was not doing this in an NFL locker room.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Stories From An NFL Shower
It is such a simple ask. Like in every gym you go to, right, there's walls between showers. I would argue I want full walls between urinals.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Stories From An NFL Shower
For the record, I did not give Dan this list of questions.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Stories From An NFL Shower
It would make sense it would be offensive lineman, because defensive lineman can be, defensive players of the year, offensive lineman would never.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Michael Jordan vs. Nikola Jokic
He's got to take clothes off for that, right? You don't want him sweating in his clothes.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Michael Jordan vs. Nikola Jokic
Last time I was there, I was in Europe. Everybody was nude. It's a thing. Okay, I don't do saunas.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Michael Jordan vs. Nikola Jokic
Do you wear the nipple covers on there?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Michael Jordan vs. Nikola Jokic
We were in this very group sauna situation. We do aromatherapy and stuff and there's just a lot of people in there. And right outside the sauna, the walls are glass, is a cold plunge pool and a hot tub, right? Yeah. I like saunas. They're very helpful health-wise. But for some reason, this sauna was burning my nose after like 12 minutes. I had to get out of there.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Michael Jordan vs. Nikola Jokic
I got out of there, and I went into the cold plunge pool completely naked, came out of the cold plunge pool, and everybody in the sauna was clearly facing my direction. And I'm just like, man, if I were less cold than this, I'd be worried about shrinkage and stuff. Nah, it's freezing. I'm getting into that hot tub.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Michael Jordan vs. Nikola Jokic
And it's not just that. It's the elements of everybody else's game that you've seen these highlights of over the years. It's Magic Johnson, no look, perfect, over the head, bounce passes, which you don't ever see. When we go back and we look at these highlights 20, 30 years from now, we're going to be more odd somehow than we are now.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Michael Jordan vs. Nikola Jokic
And I still argue, I said this on The Shadow Show, part of it is he's playing in Denver because if he was playing somewhere in Southern California, New York, Chicago, wherever else, you would probably speak highly, more highly of him, even more so. I think, as you said, in terms of the boredom of MVP voters,
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Michael Jordan vs. Nikola Jokic
If they give this to Shea Gildress Alexander, which I believe the voters will do, and they have their sort of classic reasons as to why, I think it's one of the worst case, would be, one of the worst case of voter fatigue for an MVP than I've ever seen.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Michael Jordan vs. Nikola Jokic
Because I was going to make this argument about winners in the NFL anyway, right? Winners do the boring stuff over and over and over again. The things that they know are going to win. And not everybody does that. Jokic does whatever it takes to win. He's so bored by it. He's like, oh, it's a double team. Okay, fine. It's just obvious. It comes to him so easily.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Michael Jordan vs. Nikola Jokic
And then the skill with all that shot making is incredible. And yeah, of course he's playing the best basketball of his career, shooting 47% from three to make up for Russell Westbrook, who doesn't bring any floor spacing there. It's absolutely crazy. And I'm telling you, you will be more impressed by this 20 years from now than you are now.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Michael Jordan vs. Nikola Jokic
Well, that's another thing. I think as opposed to sort of the thing we did to Peyton Manning, the things we did to Aaron Rodgers, hey, you need to win another one.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Michael Jordan vs. Nikola Jokic
I'm of the opinion that if Jokic doesn't win two or more championships, all of his teammates are going to live the rest of their lives regretting that they didn't do it for him, thinking of themselves as failures because how good do you have to be as the leader of the team?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Michael Jordan vs. Nikola Jokic
But we're arguing, or you're arguing that Nicole Jokic is doing the equivalent of three-yard dump-offs every time, and he's not. He's doing what you say Patrick Mahomes does, figures out everything the defense throws at him, and sometimes it's spectacular.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Michael Jordan vs. Nikola Jokic
It's a leviton siren.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Michael Jordan vs. Nikola Jokic
Technically, I brought him up. I was the one who said he was boring, though.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Michael Jordan vs. Nikola Jokic
Can't I make the argument, though, that they had specific skills, not as Dan is saying, not complete wide receivers, not great wide receivers, where their amazing quarterbacks are taking advantage of those specific skills. And so I'm with Dan here. Like Xavier Worthy, he's fast. Yes, he's not a complete receiver yet.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Michael Jordan vs. Nikola Jokic
I will take advantage of what he can do because I'm that offense and I'm Patrick Mahomes. Same thing with Josh Allen. I don't need a stud wide receiver. I can buy enough time out there to just let anybody get open and make that person get a bunch of yards. It's the quarterbacks taking advantage of those guys, no?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Michael Jordan vs. Nikola Jokic
Aren't we making the same argument for different positions, right? What I'm saying is a great quarterback will make a system receiver into being pretty good, right? Into being a good, productive receiver. And you're saying a good receiver, A.J. Brown, can make a quarterback better like Jalen Hurts because we see Jalen Hurts doesn't have the skill set as these other quarterbacks.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Michael Jordan vs. Nikola Jokic
I mean, if you think about Aaron Gordon, what he was supposed to be in Orlando, like you mentioned, and what he sort of settled into as effectively, in my opinion, the best role player in the league, that's almost a gift, right? You're getting a guy who is supposed to be a star, and it's like, no, no, it's almost like Amari Cooper.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Michael Jordan vs. Nikola Jokic
I'm okay playing this role, and so he's an elite role player, right? The other guys that won a championship with it anyway, KCP is an elite defender in the perimeter and a really good shooter. So it was almost a great opportunity. perfect fit around Jokic. But I think what we're seeing now is that, yeah, he can adjust to whatever teammates he has.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Michael Jordan vs. Nikola Jokic
He and Russell Westbrook are making magic out there sometimes. And so, yes, if you put him on the Detroit Pistons, as long as there's some level of balance there, it's not just a bunch of Jalen Durans around him, then they will absolutely be top
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Michael Jordan vs. Nikola Jokic
I think absolutely. And I think that's part of the gift. That's part of the brilliance of Jokic is he makes everybody else better. Like Cade Cunningham, I like him. He's, you know, last year with bad teammates and a worse coach was not doing very well. That's where I formed that opinion on him. This year looks a lot better. Still has a bunch of turnovers, but he is not elevating everybody, right?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Michael Jordan vs. Nikola Jokic
There's actually just better players around him, Tobias Harris and whatnot. But I think with Nicola Jokic, he would make everybody around him better, and that's just something that you can't really measure.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Michael Jordan vs. Nikola Jokic
I mean, he changed the whole way people thought of the NBA. They thought you have to win with a big guy. Now you have to win with this. Now you can win with a guard. But I'm with Mike here. Like when he was losing to the Pistons, there was still that conversation of, oh, yeah, he doesn't pass the ball. He can't be the best player in the league, right? Total ball hog.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Michael Jordan vs. Nikola Jokic
Like the first three-peat where they're just like, wow, this is incredible. I don't think anybody's done this before. And it's a small guard doing it. Best player ever. So 94?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Michael Jordan vs. Nikola Jokic
Well, how do you define what's a better offensive player?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Michael Jordan vs. Nikola Jokic
Just because he doesn't take guys off the dribble and pull up on them like Michael Jordan does.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Michael Jordan vs. Nikola Jokic
Not yet, but you've seen what he's doing. You talk about a mythological figure. He will be after he retires. Did you see how bored he looked after he hit that 66-footer last night? Just an absolute savant. And Michael Jordan was a savant as well, but I don't think he was this complete. He needs five more titles.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Michael Jordan vs. Nikola Jokic
I think he might be onto something, though, because I think people are going to pull a Jokic by just doing something amazing and looking absolutely bored about it. It's no big deal. I do this all the time.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Michael Jordan vs. Nikola Jokic
Don't tell me you're one of those guys that say Jordan would average 45 in today's game.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Michael Jordan vs. Nikola Jokic
12 rebounds and 12 assists?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Michael Jordan vs. Nikola Jokic
I'll take it a step further. That's a relationship. Like, you're in trouble. Like, that happens to me all the time. Anthony's on the phone with somebody trying to make plans. And he's asking me on speakerphone. Knows damn well I don't want to go to this place. But he's putting extra pressure. Do not ask me questions in public.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Michael Jordan vs. Nikola Jokic
I can't get over the fact that he invoked your mom's name. Well, not name, but your mother. How is his mother supposed to help him with traffic?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Michael Jordan vs. Nikola Jokic
Times have changed, man. People aren't afraid of authority anymore. When I was a kid, I'll just say it. My dad used to whoop my ass, like belt at whatever tool he had used to whoop my ass. And even in third grade, There was this teacher, I don't know if she's with us anymore, probably not, Miss Harrison, thank you for everything.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: Michael Jordan vs. Nikola Jokic
She would make kids who got in trouble stand in the middle of the room holding a book in each hand until their shoulders were on fire, crying, and then if that didn't work, she would just take you to the restroom, drop your pants, give you a smack on the ass.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
Now all of a sudden. I would love to believe that ESPN was strictly trolling Shaq. If you look at the scheduled flex potential, there wasn't really a lot of other things.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
Shaw versus Zion. It's still that, you know, fake. Oh, God. Zion. It's still the fake sort of draft year war, right? Who's actually better between those two? No.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
So much better than they were. They had nine wins. They were the worst team in the league. They had nine wins before. By the way, I don't want to sound like a hater. Just don't say the word look, please. I think this is why. Well, let's not. Let's not look. Don't say the word look. If you don't look now, then you won't see me as a hater. Right. And I don't think I'm a hater.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
I just want to tell people my opinion hasn't changed on Cade Cunningham despite this great season.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
That is not laughing you out of the room. Laughing you out of the room is saying, no, close both eyes. Don't look the way Mike's doing. What you're supposed to do. I said keep a small eye. And the sixth seed. Who's the sixth seed out west right now? Is it Houston? If I would have told you at the beginning of the season, keep a small eye on Houston, let's say Houston.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
If I would have told you keep a small eye on Houston, would that have been an insult? Nah. It's a team that you should keep an eye on.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
Oh, God. Dick Van Dyke over here. Oh, no. Yeah, that's the same pratfall he took last time, but he did it better this time.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
He used to have an all-interview team, which I think they should bring back the all-interview team because it'll encourage people to do interviews, damn it. Yeah.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
Is he odds-on favorite? Tyler's second or third, right? I hate that. Because he's not the most improved player. He's on a team with better teammates and a better coach. That's what makes him better.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
Or down. Is it lock him up or lock him down? Lock him down.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
Was there nothing on that bagel that was shoved in Mike's mouth? It looked very dry. You should be careful. You could choke.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
That's insane. I just saw an article that said he might be top two, and he's actually 15,000.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
Mike, come on back here. You can look now because I want to make everybody stare at Shea Gilgis-Alexander for a second. This is a good topic for you, Tony. You want to talk hoop, right? Shea, I will tell you, I will admit to you, he's special. That guy can be the number one.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
I don't believe I'm saying anything crazy here. He can be the number one on a team that wins a championship. I just want to know what people's... like likability, like what they actually think of him. Is he a guy, because the reason this came up in my head is was like, when, if ever, will Shea get embraced? When will America like Shea? Will it have to be him winning a finals, winning finals MVP?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
And I thought to myself, no, It's not going to happen. If it was going to happen, it would have happened already the same way it's with Anthony Edwards or, you know, whenever Zion Williamson plays like people love him. People don't love Shea Gildress Alexander. And I'm trying to figure out why. And to me... I think he's pretty funny. You think he's funny? Yeah. Oh, that's Shane Gillis, Alexander.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
That guy. Different guy. Different guy. You can put your... Different guy. Don't look, because we're just... Jesus Christ. I mean, if you're going to mistake one for the other, just don't look. How's that empanada, by the way? It's a bagel. Oh, see, I knew it was a bagel. I'm getting lied to constantly in my ears today. I'm just saying. You deserve it. Why? You deserve it? You've wrecked the show.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
I've wrecked the show? You've wrecked the show. This segment, at least. By continuing a sponsored segment and telling Mike not to look now. And he's getting fed, you know, by other people. This is a great bit for Mike. Like, he gets to walk around, not look at anything, and he gets fed. He just got his face on the door. I mean.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
What is this, like an Innie Audi Severance situation? Like I have to have a note with him and say, hey, the reason you have things on your... Look, Shea Gilgis Alexander. Why don't people like him?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
Anthony Edwards is in a small market.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
I don't want any of that bagel if that's what you're doing here, Mike.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
Wow, let's go. You want a steak after?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
Can we put up the photo while I'm eating of fat me next to the kid from Modern Family? Oh, no way. Because we're pretty much the same person.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
I'm telling you. Hold on. What is his name, Manny? Yeah, Manny. Yeah, there it is. Look at that. Oh, no. Who's who, I ask you? Who is who?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
Look where you are. And now look at the monitor.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
That's me on the left. That's Manny. That's you on both. That's you on both. Oh. I'm legit going to eat the rest of this. Don't look, Mike.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
Great number two, that guy. Like Giannis. I don't even want to stay on this because it's like, especially because I'm going anti-Tony. But you've capitulated. No, I haven't. I just put cream chips on my face.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
Taylor's the Mike Wrangler. I just don't want to be seen as a hater. It feels like... I am just properly putting him in his slot while everybody else. Look, I'm doing him a favor. See, if you set the expectations too high. Wow, what a pickup from Taylor.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
And also not a Cade hater. Not a Cade hater. Do you want a napkin? I mean, what do we got, 13 minutes? I can deal. Okay, don't get that dried on your face there. And I kind of like the smell, because like I said, I haven't eaten cream cheese in forever. They got vegan cream cheese. It's not the same. Of course not. Why not? It's not the same. Why not?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
Wait, the Canadian thing. People like Steve Nash just fine.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
Lock him in the green room, please. I think Mike might. Mike, you can look now. Because what you did is you just put your boy Marshawn on the screen. And that's not what you want to do.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
Yeah. Let's go. Mike, you can look. Come on back. I don't look. I believe in Oklahoma.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
Buddy, what happened? People really liked KD before he won an MVP. You can be an OKC and be likable. I think it has everything to do with his game. I think it has everything to do with the fact that he sort of operates in the middle of the floor, not really like dynamic athletic, just kind of, you know, footwork and grace and ability and obviously the shot making.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
But if people like clamor for the mid range and what used to happen back in the day, like you're asking for 48 minutes of what Shea does and what Shea does again, while it can carry a team is not like I must watch this guy play. It's not like Anthony Edwards. It's not like John Moran. It's not like Steph Curry. It's not like any of these guys. It's not like Dwayne Wade back in the day.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
They forget Tom Cruise is a pretty good actor.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
I mean, the only reason I would say it's different is because, you know, Shea does it with his length and Sam was not that person. He was a 6'1", shorter shooter.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
I mean, he absolutely killed a pick and roll with Elton Brand. I don't know if Shea is exactly that type of guy that makes his bigs better.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
Look, or don't look. It's totally up to you. 15 years from now, Tony, let's revisit this conversation because I don't think at any point.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
On the 35th anniversary of the Dan Levitar show when Mike is finally looking again and doing another recap of this bit right here. We can talk about Cade Cunningham again.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
Well, did he fix the cabinet or is that still there?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
Mike, is Indian Wells, is that the tournament that Venus and Serena stopped playing because of racist situations?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
Not the French Open. It's the one out in L.A., right? It's in the desert. It's in Palm Springs.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
Jeremy just said the two best words anybody can hear. Game seven. You're right.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
I would watch a Where Are They Now from those animals. Probably all dead. But if there's one or two that are still around. That used to be the one food, like the annual food that comes around every year that I would just absolutely like love. And I was so excited. I didn't care what time of year it was. I just wanted those Cadbury eggs. They're so good.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
Wow. It doesn't even fill the screen. There's so many of those. There were, I think, the Bill Simmons columns where they put a wacky background.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
But you didn't see Venus and Serena for 14 years at Indian Wells. And the next tournament is in Miami. So I always thought, wow, Miami's the one to pay attention to. I mean, you watch the men in any big tournament. It's going to be the same three or four guys, right? So I'm thinking, yeah, Miami's the place to go. I get to go see Serena.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
Not quite the boom you were expecting there, I think. It is. It is. It ended. Boom. Boom. There it is. Where's Chris with the bang when we need it?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
I mean, that's a great take. It also shows you how disappointing his career was. He should have won more.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
But I don't remember him constantly losing just to those guys.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
Mike, does it have to be Alcaraz? Is this like a Uruguay situation? Or can you say Alcaraz?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
I'm never doing the thuh. Can you say Uruguay for me?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
Speaking of balls, the groin strength. When you play at Roland Garros on the clay, oh my God, I feel like those guys are going to strain their groin every single time.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
Jeremy, we teased it, so we got to go to your top five situational guys.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
Never heard his last name before. I also never saw an episode of that show.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
Just, I got you every Easter, just coming through like... The crazy part about me being a fat kid is I was always, I was also a very skinny kid. Like, when I was like from, you know, 8, 9, 10, 11, I was like...
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
Why wouldn't the Marlins just do that? Because people forget. forget how good he was. I mean, I know they already tried it, but now, seriously, just do it. 60-year-old lefties. Just against righties.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
Get the whole thing that way. This is going to be a mess.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
a toothpick and then my parents sent me to the dominican republic for three weeks i went to this resort that had food at all hours of the day and i came back and my mom didn't recognize me and i was like you know what i'm gonna lean into this three weeks three weeks three weeks i gained so much weight and then i just kept going from there by the time i got to eighth grade i was you know plus 200 something and you know wow is that the betting odds on drafting sportsbook or yeah
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
No, that's actually how much I weighed. You did not weigh 200 pounds. Yeah, yeah. As an eighth grader? I'm going to go find a show. As an eighth grader?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
I was about 5'9", 5'8". Oh, wow. Like, when I got measured for football in 10th grade, I was 5'9 and 3 quarters with no shoes. And the weight was? I don't remember. Jesus.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
Did we childproof the main area so Mike doesn't get hurt? Oh, there you are. The last time was a little dicey.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
I'm not supposed to look, but if I were to look, I could imagine Gardner Minshew out there running around and trying to make big plays, kind of like Patrick Mahomes.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
Wait a second, how is this protecting Mike if he's just getting his arms taped?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
How do you know what's going on? I didn't know what we could look at.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
How do you know I wasn't just told? Roy has to look. He's got buttons to press. Roy told me that Mike's arms are getting tight in his torso. Roy can look.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
Wait a second. I don't need to look at all. I knew that watching last year. I was like, oh, this is the best year he's ever going to have. It's not going to be anything like this ever again.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
I'd rather be Tom Brady. I'd rather be Tom Brady. I think Mike in a blindfold with his arms taped to his torso would do better than dude. Where'd he go? Seahawks. Dude in Seattle. Dude in Seattle.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
Mike has just stomped him. You guys, let me know when we're ready to look again, because I'll show you a picture.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
Their safety, their corner. Everybody's gone. When? Because free agency is currently happening. When are we supposed to look? Because they have to replace those guys, don't they?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
The old sell high. Yeah, sell high on them. I'm still confused by this. I'm not looking. Trust me. I can hear tape being utilized, and I just don't understand why Mike has to not look and not use his arms and legs.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
And guess what? There was. There was.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
Go, do you want to start or do you want me to start? Look, Tony believes that I'm standing under a nine-foot basket right now not looking in his direction because he needs to dunk on me so badly because of something I said.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
My ankles bother me a little bit, but it could be 10 feet.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
We still got until July. July 25th, I will have a video for you. I mean, I'm not standing under a 10-foot rim for you to dunk on me because I don't think you could do it. But... There was a take that I had. It wasn't even a real take. It was something that I just spit out when I was guesting on Oddball one time before I was co-host. And, Tony, do you have video of it? We've got video.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
I'm glad you asked. Really? We do absolutely have video of it. I did not know this.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
Mike, are you fixing the cabinet? He broke. Oh, no. He's looking now, and he's realized everything. is costing us more money than it's making us.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
No, he's not, says Izzy. No, no, he's not. I put this in the group chat last season. I said, Cade Cunningham, he's all right. He is not special. He doesn't have, I don't think he has the athleticism to be special. I don't think he has the shot making to be special.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
I think he's a good lead guard, might make an all-star game, but I don't think he is a number one on a team that's going to do much of anything.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
Talk me off of that, because I still believe that.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
Whoa, whoa. Is that not lit? Wow, this whole table shook. Is that not literally what I said? He can't be the number one guy on a team that's going to do a whole lot of, is that not literally what I said?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
He said he's special. I said he's not special, but that's a different semantics game. Your definition of special is different than mine. I still don't think he's special. I think he's a nice player.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
Correct. Keep a small eye on them. If you would have kept a big eye on them, you would have missed the Luka trade.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
Oh, he's dead. I forgot. You know what? Let's not look at last night either when they lost to the Wizards. Stop saying don't look! It triggers him, please. And he got blocked on a game winner. Okay, again. Don't look at that. Don't look at his numbers from last year where, yes, I understand he was on a worse team with a worse coach. But if you are special, you elevate above those guys.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
The coach is better. Look, I mean, don't look. Because what you're going to see. Don't say that. What you're going to see. Watch. Watch. Don't look until we get to the playoffs. When we get to the playoffs, then you can look and you'll see a guy who can be schemed against. You'll see a guy who is, again, not the number one guy on a team that's going to do a whole heck of a lot of winning.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
A number two guy, that team's going to win a damn championship at some point, potentially. But number one guy, hmm. And to me, that's not special. What makes him special as a point guard, potentially, is his size. His size makes him, you know, he can do some things.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
He can make some shots. But look, there's a lot of guys in the league, put him in that role, they can put those numbers up. It's not that great. It's not.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Don't Look Now
Why doesn't people in D.C. want to hear that?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: People Forget How Good Barry Bonds Was
So is this just an extended version of the 90s baseball game? Is it just because of nostalgia? Or could it be like a player from 2015 telling you a story and you're like, okay with it?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: People Forget How Good Barry Bonds Was
There is a video that I know is relatively recent. We just got got, right, by that video. I got got so bad, and I'm so glad that Tony's wearing a Team USA hat, because it made me think of it. We touched on it at the top of Oddball, so sorry about repeats here if you've heard this. Mike, you tell me. Should we play the video that has a fake element to it first and then explain why I got God?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: People Forget How Good Barry Bonds Was
I don't even have to explain. It'll be very easily. Or should we explain it first and then play the video? Play the fake video. Play the fake video. It's a real video. It's a real video. It's a real video. It's a real video.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: People Forget How Good Barry Bonds Was
There's a fake element in the video. And I... like believe that whoever put this out decided to wait a good amount of time from the Olympics until now because I'll give you a little insight into what the video is. I believe I saw the video during the Olympics. I believe I saw it and it was not memorable.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: People Forget How Good Barry Bonds Was
So that's why when I saw what I saw the other day, I was like, okay, I don't remember any of these answers. I don't remember the video at all. And then by the end of it, I was still certain that it was real. Like I shared it with like my sister, I shared it with Anthony and I was just like, this is wild. And I'm vamping here because we don't have the video yet.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: People Forget How Good Barry Bonds Was
But this is how badly I got got though, because as I'm talking about it, the first person I told it to, knew was one of the producers on Oddball. He knew exactly what I was talking about. He let me get to the end of the story before he was like, yeah.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: People Forget How Good Barry Bonds Was
That's how I found out.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: People Forget How Good Barry Bonds Was
I was so floored. I was like, well, let me give you my thinking on this, all right? So for those who don't know, wait, is it obvious what the actual question was to everybody?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: People Forget How Good Barry Bonds Was
When I first watched the video, I'm saying to myself, oh, they're obviously starting with Steph. Because if Steph answers the question, everybody else will answer the question, right? So I'm like, okay, Steph, and, and this one where Amin got me with the two hands, two feet. I'm thinking it's just, oh, he's just counting how old he is on both hands.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: People Forget How Good Barry Bonds Was
He needs both hands and both feet to count how old he is. The part that I didn't listen to is a loud day on campus that day, which I should have said, why does all of campus, is know that Steph Curry has lost his virginity today.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: People Forget How Good Barry Bonds Was
Exactly. And then here's the other dead giveaway. When Tyrese Halliburton said that my dad has video of it, but I'd also heard some weird shit about his dad. So I was like, wait, I don't know.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: People Forget How Good Barry Bonds Was
No, I actually had it as an accidental recording and his dad was like, well, I'm just going to keep it.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: People Forget How Good Barry Bonds Was
Oddly enough, the one person where it was like a split second where I was like, wait a second, that couldn't possibly be true or he couldn't possibly have answered it that casually was Kevin Durant. Because Kevin Durant doesn't share this type of stuff. He was just like, yeah, 13. And I was like, wait a second. But then...
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: People Forget How Good Barry Bonds Was
The way my heart dropped when they got to Bam, and Bam said 11, and I was like, huh? Bam! Sex crimes! Clutching your pearls. And then the follow-up, if I had pearls, oh, so clutched. The follow-up was really where it should have gotten me. The follow-up on Bam being, how tall were you when you were 11? I was just like, that's not my follow-up question, but whatever. And... Yeah.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: People Forget How Good Barry Bonds Was
The question was, how old were you when you first dunked? And when you hear that, you realize how stupid I feel. But I honestly, like I wanted that moment. Like I want to be able to be fooled. I wanted that clutching pearls moment from Bam. And I was like, I'm glad that I got faked out there because it was totally worth it. Now I just have to tell my sister that that's not real.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: People Forget How Good Barry Bonds Was
When you're on the toilet and you don't have headphones in, how is that clear? Okay, maybe without cams on.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: People Forget How Good Barry Bonds Was
I was like, how is this happening? No, you guys have that, what, as a pose that I was thinking he was two hands, two feet? Yes, that's exactly right. I mean, it's obvious to me. It's like counting how old he was. He needs both hands and both feet to say he was 19.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: People Forget How Good Barry Bonds Was
And the way he said it, like he was ashamed of his face.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: People Forget How Good Barry Bonds Was
The goat. It's brilliant. It's a brilliant tell. I'm telling you. So you're saying Stephen A was ahead of the game.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: People Forget How Good Barry Bonds Was
He was like, wait until AI gets here. I got something for him.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: People Forget How Good Barry Bonds Was
Everyone gets a reference. I mean, I was about to say Madam Web. Madam Web. A huge box office smash.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: People Forget How Good Barry Bonds Was
It doesn't even have to be Jeff Teague to me because like I'm watching videos and it's like, wow, this Tom Gugliotta guy was a problem, and they basically just, like, break down his entire game.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: People Forget How Good Barry Bonds Was
The overages out the wazoo. Wow, Rebecca Black has quite the rec. They can't... What? I've never seen her before. Really? Well, she was a child before, so I don't know.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: People Forget How Good Barry Bonds Was
Right, that's why I said it. You're welcome, guys.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: People Forget How Good Barry Bonds Was
Aren't we, not over, but aren't we not listening to as much new music anymore because people aren't listening to the radio necessarily?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: People Forget How Good Barry Bonds Was
Can we play a banger from 20 years ago? Roy, can you hit the... Start of the week. Start of the day. Start of the week.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: People Forget How Good Barry Bonds Was
Oh, naturally. So is he good or bad? Is he better than Gobert, and what does that mean?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: People Forget How Good Barry Bonds Was
You're going from most obvious to least obvious. And you've got the Lakers at number four right behind Boston. That means you think they are a top four potential team to make the finals. That's a good point. Number four is not Lakers.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: People Forget How Good Barry Bonds Was
Yeah. The good one. The situational one. The situational one.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: People Forget How Good Barry Bonds Was
You really have the Lakers ahead of Memphis, Golden State, and even the, well, I guess the Knicks are probably on the same level. I don't.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: People Forget How Good Barry Bonds Was
That would be an amazing finals. It's probably going to be a first-round matchup. I'm saying if I had to pick.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: People Forget How Good Barry Bonds Was
I wanted a declarative statement. Jeremy, tell us the top five that you've got coming up.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: People Forget How Good Barry Bonds Was
But it wasn't, and by the way, we're gonna have to vamp for a while, because I was just told nowhere back there is this video. Why do we have a sheet? But the thing that gets me about those videos, the thing that gets me, is just the wow factor. They're like odd. It's like when you have these kids listen to Nirvana for the first time, or Smells Like Teas, they're like, what? wow, this is a banger.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: People Forget How Good Barry Bonds Was
And so they're just like, oh my goodness, look at this Guglielmo. He had a drop step, he had a jumper. I was like, come on.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: People Forget How Good Barry Bonds Was
Is that the insight that you were like, are you shocked by that? Like, I can just put a bat in front of a 100-mile-per-hour pitch and it'll go the distance?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: People Forget How Good Barry Bonds Was
Because don't we shrink a little bit? Gravity gets us on the way down. Marcus Johnson is 69 years old. Nice. There you go. This is a video I know we have already. Look, there's Dr. J working at 74. Dr. J's at 74, guys. Come on.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: People Forget How Good Barry Bonds Was
No, no, no. Where was the video from 75 years old? That video is from six months ago. Can we check how tall the rim is, though? How high it is? Oh, it's not 10. What's not 10?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: People Forget How Good Barry Bonds Was
There you go. We can't let Jeremy get away with people don't remember how good Barry Bonds was. People don't remember. No matter how good he is, you can't remember how good he was. Just listen to this show.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: People Forget How Good Barry Bonds Was
That now takes over for Stu Gatzis. Wow, they want some stuff in Edmonton, huh? People don't remember that. Did he say that for real? Yes. Oh, man. Even though Wayne Gretzky is the GOAT, he should know everything about the GOATs. People don't remember. He won in Edmonton.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: People Forget How Good Barry Bonds Was
Update for me, it was uploaded six months ago, not taken six months ago. Apologies, America.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Oral History of the Dan Le Batard Show: Episode 9
Okay, so, all right, without losing the phone, that would, okay, that's good. The boobs are, all right, the boobs are involved.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Oral History of the Dan Le Batard Show: Episode 9
Thank you, guys. What a warm moment between you two.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Oral History of the Dan Le Batard Show: Episode 9
I thank her for making me feel good. Sir, the question was, is this your handwriting? Oh, yes. Yes, it is.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Should Kendrick Play 'Not Like Us'?
You could have told me any era in history. I would have said, yep, Pablo was probably there. Pablo Picasso drove a car.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Should Kendrick Play 'Not Like Us'?
I recognize the cursive font that spells out Sally. Like, that's how much it's burned into my brain.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Should Kendrick Play 'Not Like Us'?
You said from the grave. Maury Povich is 86, and he's still with us. Absolutely. Absolutely.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Should Kendrick Play 'Not Like Us'?
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The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Should Kendrick Play 'Not Like Us'?
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The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Should Kendrick Play 'Not Like Us'?
But in that. theory wouldn't he be able to sue him or whatever have grounds if he plays that anywhere any concert with people at and cameras there why the Super Bowl is the one obviously more eyes on it but isn't that the same concept of just performing it at a concert like the concert didn't he do it like 12 times in a row at a concert a few months
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Should Kendrick Play 'Not Like Us'?
There's also nothing in there, I'm sorry, because there's also nothing in there in terms of whether he can say the words or just play the beat, right? Just playing the beat at certain points throughout the performance, I think, is something that gets people connected and they obviously light up for it. The other thing that I think about this is... That would piss off everyone. Well, maybe.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Should Kendrick Play 'Not Like Us'?
It could piss them off, but it could be the only happy medium there.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Should Kendrick Play 'Not Like Us'?
But the other part about this is if you're Kendrick and this is sort of a career celebration for you, right? How much of this time do you really want to spend stomping on Drake's grave? Because that would assume that that is what made you to this level. Kendrick has been building up to this. And then this just happens to be part of the story.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Should Kendrick Play 'Not Like Us'?
Yeah, I would say that too, but if I'm Kendrick, I want people to respect everything I've done before this and not think I'm just a diss track guy. Didn't he win a bunch of Grammys last week? He did.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Should Kendrick Play 'Not Like Us'?
Have you seen what he's doing now or where he's been? He's on the other side of the planet, first of all. He's trying to hide.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Should Kendrick Play 'Not Like Us'?
He walked out on stage with a vest with bullet holes in it and smoke coming out of it as if to say, hey, they shot me, but I'm still alive. It's like... It's frankly corny. He's mad corny for that. That's a callback. So good.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Should Kendrick Play 'Not Like Us'?
That was a callback to me not liking drains. This is all just a bunch of inside jokes. You get that, Dave? Fritzy was right. Yep.