Christina
Appearances
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: DIY Disaster
Right now I'm in Phoenix, but I live in Salt Lake City normally.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: DIY Disaster
My boyfriend runs a local grocery store in Salt Lake. There are a bunch of food shows all over the country, which if we have time, I have an Aaron Weekly story to tell about a food show. Oh, did you meet him? Yes, I met him at the Chicago food show for Ted Seeger. And I really embarrassed myself. Please tell me that. Let's hear.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: DIY Disaster
He was so cute. We walked up and my boyfriend obviously knows how much I love the podcast. I was so excited to meet him. We have the same birthday.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: DIY Disaster
So we walk up and my sister is an actress. And so I don't want to ever be starstruck. It's a very strong belief that I have. So I was trying to play it cool and I forgot how to speak English. I turned bright red. Oh my God. And my boyfriend was trying to be really sweet and was like, oh, my gosh, Christina is a huge fan of Armchair Expert. And then I got embarrassed and mad at him.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: DIY Disaster
Like, I'm an arm cherry. I am not a fan. There is a distinguishable difference. I walked away and was like, well, I hope I never get the opportunity to meet Dax and Monica. Based on that, I hope that I can actually speak.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: DIY Disaster
Yeah, but I couldn't get it out, sadly.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: DIY Disaster
I do. This story takes place in the fall of 2013, kind of around Halloween when I was in college. I went to a small liberal arts college in Salt Lake. My roommates and I lived in this super charming 1900s house off campus. It had these beautiful original hardwood floors. It was just full of vintage charm. And we had no business living there. But I was a sophomore in college.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: DIY Disaster
And at my school, I think because there's this big religious influence in Salt Lake, I found that there's a really strong counterculture to that. And my college really leaned into that counterculture. We embraced every opportunity to run wild. Yeah.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: DIY Disaster
It was very fun. But at my school, Halloween wasn't just a fun holiday. It was the event of the year. There was an annual campus Halloween party, and it was obviously one of the most important nights of the year.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: DIY Disaster
Yes, it was the night that you would probably hook up with someone that you wouldn't normally run into. You have some kind of life altering conversation that you wouldn't remember, make some kind of decision that would haunt you. It ended up being such a mess at the school that they eventually had to shut it down. So it doesn't exist anymore.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: DIY Disaster
But when I was there, it was like the pinnacle of college life. You were there at the right time. Since we were broke college students, my roommate and I decided that we couldn't justify spending money on Halloween costumes. We had to DIY it, but we still obviously wanted to look perfect for this night. At this time, we were also deep in a hippie phase.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: DIY Disaster
We were vegans and we loved patchouli and environmentalism and not showering to save water, all of that.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: DIY Disaster
Oh, so into jam bands. Naturally, we decided to kind of go along with that, that we were going to go as Mother Nature to this costume party for our DIY costumes. We thought it was sexy and organic and effortless. So our plan was to just buy a huge piece of brown fabric and hot glue real leaves straight from our front yard onto the fabric and then kind of wrap ourselves in it like a toga.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: DIY Disaster
We thought it was cute and cheap and sustainable. The day of the party, we went into our lawn, we just scooped up huge armfuls of these kind of damp leaves that had been outside for a while. We sat cross-legged on the hardwood floor of our living room, just surrounded by piles of leaves. And with a hot glue gun, we ended up gluing onto the fabric one by one these leaves.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: DIY Disaster
And it took basically the whole day. The hot glue gun strings are like floating all around us. We're burning our fingers. But it was Halloween and it was important. Finally, we finished right before the party was about to start. So we reached down to pick up the fabric to kind of wrap ourselves in it.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: DIY Disaster
And we realized that the hot glue had bonded the fabric and all of the leaves directly to this original, beautiful, pristine 1900s hardwood floor.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: DIY Disaster
It wasn't even just stuff. It was like completely fused. Oh, no.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: DIY Disaster
Whenever we would lift at the corners, it felt like we were pulling the hardwood floor up with the fabric. We couldn't do it. And obviously this party was about to start and our costumes glued to the floor. So in true 19-year-old fashion, fuck it, we'll deal with this tomorrow. So we wore like flannels and suspenders and were lumberjacks or something. Something stupid.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: DIY Disaster
No one knew what we were, but we didn't really care.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: DIY Disaster
I would love that reaction. And that was not what we got. But it ended up being a fun night, I think. The next day was Sunday, and we were very, very hungover. And when we walked into...
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: DIY Disaster
the living room we were like we do not have the capacity to deal with these piles of leaves and this fused fabric the day passed and all of a sudden we were like back in the weekly routine oh wow okay so you just really keep kicking it down the road i could see this so we just leave it for some reason and it turns out that
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: DIY Disaster
The leaves that we collected that were sitting in our living room, they weren't just leaves. They were damp and decomposing and they were filled with lots of tiny, rapidly reproducing maggots.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: DIY Disaster
We kind of started to notice little wriggling things near the edges of the piles. And of course, we're like, huh, that's kind of strange, and just kind of left it.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: DIY Disaster
it got worse rapidly reproducing is the worst phrase to hear before maggots yeah so we had a full-blown infestation they were in the kitchen but we had been so in our groove and we were never really at home in college finally driven by sheer horror we had to scrape up the glued fabric and the leaves and all of the insects.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: DIY Disaster
And by the time we were done, this beautiful hardwood floor was just completely scratched beyond recognition. Yeah.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: DIY Disaster
It was never the same through the rest of the time I lived there. We would like put a keg on top of that section. Like, well, it's already fucked. It can't get any worse.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: DIY Disaster
Oh, I'm sure we did. We lived in this house for four years. So the number of things that happened in this house.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: DIY Disaster
Thank you. And I just have to say, I am so grateful that you two exist in this world and I appreciate everything that you do. And so grateful that I got the opportunity to talk to you both.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: DIY Disaster
No. You'll never believe this, but I used Arm & Hammer. I used the baking soda toothpaste.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Date Night Detour
Well, I doubt he wants to go out again with a whore.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Date Night Detour
Wait a second. Rhett called you?
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Date Night Detour
No, he was like, oh, I've got something to show you. I really want you to see this.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Date Night Detour
I mean, at first I just thought it was like his friend or something. I didn't realize it was his ex. And then when we get into this argument, she called me a whore. Oh, God.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Date Night Detour
Yeah, like I said, she yelled at me and called me a whore.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Date Night Detour
She was yelling back at her. It was so dramatic. This is a first date.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Date Night Detour
No, before that. So I knew him from hiking. Like we hiked together with like a group and we were talking about our cats and he told me that Thorpe Bay is five. And my cat is 5'2". So I was like, oh, that's cool. They're the same age. But then his ex told me that Sorbet is 9.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Date Night Detour
That's almost a five-year difference. That's crazy.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Date Night Detour
Honestly, I think that he lied about his cat's age on purpose. I think he was trying to say that it was the same age as my cat, so then they would get along.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Date Night Detour
Well, yeah, but, like, that's important to me. I have something to say here. Oh.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Date Night Detour
Well, you might not think that's important, but I do. I don't have kids. I'm not planning on having kids anytime soon. My cat is my world. Like, I don't want my cat to be the little second sidekick cat because you have this older leader mean cat.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Date Night Detour
My cat is plenty mature. Oh.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Date Night Detour
I don't know what we're fighting about, really.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Date Night Detour
Well, that wasn't cool, but neither is lying about the age of your cat. Why would you do that? Why would you lie about anything like that?
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Date Night Detour
far a lot of cats that need adopted especially older ones you're dating i like the problem solving that's a positive so my cat's a third wheel now that's great what i am so confused at what you're upset at yeah you find very interesting things important for your dating life you got to think of it from my perspective if this does work out and we're together now we've got two full-time cats and one part-time cat that we're shuffling back and forth between his ex who thinks i'm a whore
The Oprah Podcast
The 3 Things EVERY Human Wants with Esther Perel | The Oprah Podcast
Yeah, so like he said, I am tired. Come 8 o'clock, I'm ready to tap out and retire. But I try to explain to him, there's a biological connection I have with the children. I'm a light sleeper, so any little breath feels like I wake up. So I feel like I'm not getting adequate sleep, although...
The Oprah Podcast
The 3 Things EVERY Human Wants with Esther Perel | The Oprah Podcast
You know, I fall asleep early, but it's like I'm trying to explain to him the different ways that men and women approach sex. Like he can go and I need like a. I need time to build it. And I love him and I'm attracted to him. That's not the thing, but I'm very much aware our marriage is a movement. I really value that. Okay.
The Oprah Podcast
The 3 Things EVERY Human Wants with Esther Perel | The Oprah Podcast
Tremendously, because my first orgasm was with my husband.
The Oprah Podcast
The 3 Things EVERY Human Wants with Esther Perel | The Oprah Podcast
And I have to get there mentally. I'm being honest. Everything before him was performative, you know? And I like that Esther said to make it an experience again. Like, remember... It's something that we share that nothing, no one else, you know, something supernatural happens. And I feel it when we're there, but initially it's, I feel like it's a chore to get there.
The Oprah Podcast
The 3 Things EVERY Human Wants with Esther Perel | The Oprah Podcast
But if I can train my mind to think, where do I want to go with him right now? This is our secret place and train myself there. I feel like I can, like anything, work a muscle again, you know, and tap into the erotic side.
The Oprah Podcast
The 3 Things EVERY Human Wants with Esther Perel | The Oprah Podcast
I just want to cuddle and it's going to spark. So let me go to sleep.
The Oprah Podcast
The 3 Things EVERY Human Wants with Esther Perel | The Oprah Podcast
Fall asleep. I'm just tired.