Casey
Appearances
Dateline NBC
Deadly Entanglement
I never told mom this. I never told anybody. And I kept saying to myself, if Scott had anything to do with this, it's one of those gut feelings that there was something he wasn't saying, telling us.
Dateline NBC
Deadly Entanglement
Prosecutor told us he'll at least get something if he takes this plea. And we're like, well, we've got to at least give him something. We can't run the risk of him walking free.
Dateline NBC
Deadly Entanglement
Desiree's dad... That's all she could say. I think I blacked out a little bit or something because the next thing I remember I was on the floor just crying into the phone with mom.
Dateline NBC
Deadly Entanglement
We surprised her with her first car, with the Chevelle for her 16th birthday. It was a special day, very special day.
How About Tomorrow?
Time Moves Slowly, Friendships Drifting, and Adam Learns Something New About Dax
Yeah.
How About Tomorrow?
Time Moves Slowly, Friendships Drifting, and Adam Learns Something New About Dax
2020?
How About Tomorrow?
Time Moves Slowly, Friendships Drifting, and Adam Learns Something New About Dax
Oh, that's funny.
How About Tomorrow?
Time Moves Slowly, Friendships Drifting, and Adam Learns Something New About Dax
Yeah, exactly.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
My husband and I are trying to contemplate of him taking a new job. However, it would be a very temporary thing paid cut, and then there would be some changes to my career as well.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
I hope so. So a little background. My husband has been a firefighter paramedic at his current position for the last nine years, making anywhere between $81,000 and $86,000 a year. I myself am an ER nurse and make about the same. So the offer has come down the table for his dream job at a different department. Also in the state that's actually a little bit closer to our family.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
However, the training period is about five and a half months. So he would start out at around $62,000 for that five months. And we've contemplated myself staying home from work to take care of our two kids during that training period. So we just want to kind of see if our finances can handle it.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
So it's a stepwise process. So after that initial training, it will bump up around $75,000. And then after a total of 42 months, he'll be making $97,000 a year. So it would actually be more than what we're at right now.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
It's a little bit more expensive backed by our family. However, we're trying to purchase a family property through an informal probate. So we have a property in mind that we're
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Is there structure on it? That's very wise.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Childcare and things like that. It gave me some pause.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Our mortgage is $600 a month, and then we did go through Financial Peace University in the first few baby steps, so all the debt that we have is just the house.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
So he would probably stay with his parents because the commute then would be much closer than it would be in our current home. So that's why we're contemplating me staying home with the two kids so he's not driving three hours one way every single day.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
My plan would be to – I've been applying for some remote positions, just for during this training period, but I would plan to go back to work after the training period. If we could get some help from our family and stuff like that, I would absolutely go back to work.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Child care is quite expensive where we're at.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
We are still trying to work that out with my family beneficiaries. Oh, boy.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
When it was last appraised, it was around $268,000. Okay.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
No. It's very livable. It's more so some cosmetic things and maybe adding on a garage. Okay.
The Telepathy Tapes
Talk Tracks Ep 3: Q&A with Parents, Scientists & Educators from Season One
okay so my student has always told me from the very beginning like one of the first things he ever said to me is that timing is his thing and i'm still trying to grasp exactly what that means but he tries to explain the best he can that he has access to multiple timelines. And he can see future and past on those multiple timelines.
The Telepathy Tapes
Talk Tracks Ep 3: Q&A with Parents, Scientists & Educators from Season One
My name is Casey, and I was in episode five. In 2021, I discovered that the young man I was working with at the school that I was employed, that he could read my mind. And things really snowballed very quickly after making that discovery. And within about a week, we had formed a telepathic connection with each other. So we communicate mind to mind. And it's not just him.
The Telepathy Tapes
Talk Tracks Ep 3: Q&A with Parents, Scientists & Educators from Season One
And that's just a part of his job here to monitor certain events, help certain events
The Telepathy Tapes
Talk Tracks Ep 3: Q&A with Parents, Scientists & Educators from Season One
come to fruition and this is all energetically but the way that they have explained it to me is that the physical where we are in this realm is almost a reflection of the spiritual realm so things happen there before they happen here and the things that he does have a lot to do with time but at the same time he doesn't experience it the way that we do
The Telepathy Tapes
Talk Tracks Ep 3: Q&A with Parents, Scientists & Educators from Season One
What he's explained to me is that time is not exactly what we think it is. It's not like this fixed thing. It's like our consciousness affects time. And... I don't know. I'm trying to explain this, but it's really hard.
The Telepathy Tapes
Talk Tracks Ep 3: Q&A with Parents, Scientists & Educators from Season One
There's a small group of kids that were going to that school that I've also connected with.
The Telepathy Tapes
Talk Tracks Ep 3: Q&A with Parents, Scientists & Educators from Season One
Can we learn? Yes, we can. Was it intentional for me? No, it was not. I didn't go into this like I didn't even know about it until a week before I became telepathic. telepathic. But I will say that what I think the reason that this happened for me is because I was already on this spiritual journey, like I'd had a spiritual awakening.
The Telepathy Tapes
Talk Tracks Ep 3: Q&A with Parents, Scientists & Educators from Season One
And I was already becoming very self aware and, and working on my self awareness, which expands your consciousness. As you do that, you're expanding yourself. So I was already doing that on my own. And then I discovered this in the kids. And because I was already working towards Going where they were already at, they're already on a certain frequency and I was already wanting to get there.
The Telepathy Tapes
Talk Tracks Ep 3: Q&A with Parents, Scientists & Educators from Season One
It's almost like they threw me a lifeline and like pulled me up and whatever happened, they opened up. some energetic channels within me that allow this gift to blossom, I guess. And it started also with following my own intuition. So the more we listen to ourselves and follow our intuition and we're working together
The Telepathy Tapes
Talk Tracks Ep 3: Q&A with Parents, Scientists & Educators from Season One
on our inner selves, that's going to propel you on the path of opening up the telepathic gifts or whatever gifts within you. That's my experience. That's great. Thank you, Casey.
The Telepathy Tapes
Talk Tracks Ep 3: Q&A with Parents, Scientists & Educators from Season One
I think that obviously giving them the choice to do these things is the most important thing. But I think that they just have a sense and a knowing of what their purpose is here from a very young age. So I think they already know. They know what they want to do. And I think the important part is getting them the ability to
The Telepathy Tapes
Talk Tracks Ep 3: Q&A with Parents, Scientists & Educators from Season One
express themselves so you know all all of them should have access to spelling to letter boards to devices so that they can express their interests their purpose in life and what they want to contribute to humanity
The Telepathy Tapes
Talk Tracks Ep 3: Q&A with Parents, Scientists & Educators from Season One
The number one question is, how do you do this? How did you get here? Parents are really eager to make that connection with their child, and caregivers are eager to make that connection with parents. the people they serve.
The Telepathy Tapes
Talk Tracks Ep 3: Q&A with Parents, Scientists & Educators from Season One
What I usually just tell them is when it started for me was when I really started working on my own self-awareness, self-improvement, and then I started listening to my intuition. But I was never intending for this to happen. So when people ask me, how do I do it? I don't know. I do also believe that I had quite a bit of help from the kids I was working with energetically and spiritually. Awesome.
The Viall Files
E885 Ask Nick - The Best Bangsgiving Ever
Hi, my name is Casey and I'm 30 years old and my family has a group chat without me.
The Viall Files
E885 Ask Nick - The Best Bangsgiving Ever
Yes. There's like a bunch of like backstory to this, if it's okay, if I dive into that a little bit. So basically from the time I was like three years old, To now me and my dad have like an off and on again relationship. It's been very bumpy just because him and my mom separated when we were really little. Well, when I was really little.
The Viall Files
E885 Ask Nick - The Best Bangsgiving Ever
And so, you know, I had to go back and forth to his house from her house. There was a time where like when I think I was like four or five where I just didn't want to go over there anymore. And, you know, I would go kicking and screaming, crying. But unfortunately, because I was like made to go. It made me resent him a lot.
The Viall Files
E885 Ask Nick - The Best Bangsgiving Ever
And there were just when I was over there, I couldn't be myself and I couldn't do the things that I wanted to do or be the person I wanted to be. And so that was like another level of resentment there. And so it just continued to build years and years and years. And finally, when I was like, I don't know, I had to be like 2021. I cut him off.
The Viall Files
E885 Ask Nick - The Best Bangsgiving Ever
Cause I, like, I just had gotten fed up with his behavior of like, just continuously, like making me feel left out. And what I did was I cut him off. I cut my step-mom off. I cut, you know, that side of the family off, like all ties without saying anything. And once I had my daughter in 2020, you know, I wanted him to be a part of her life. So I tried to reconnect with him.
The Viall Files
E885 Ask Nick - The Best Bangsgiving Ever
And we, you know, I had to apologize for cutting him off and I think that's another thing that gets me so upset is that I always have to be the one to apologize, even though like his behavior is what like led us here. And now we're in a good place, me and him and the rest of the family. Like I've made up for, you know, those years where I cut him off.
The Viall Files
E885 Ask Nick - The Best Bangsgiving Ever
And I was at my grandma's house the other day and they were all talking about how they all have like, He was basically like telling my stepmom, I'm like, oh, like, did you put this in the group chat? Did you put that in the group chat so that Chaney could see it? And like, I just looked at him and my stepmom and I was like, what group chat?
The Viall Files
E885 Ask Nick - The Best Bangsgiving Ever
And he was, my stepmom was just like trying to play it off. It's like, oh, we just have this group chat. You know that, you know, me, your dad, your sister, your brother are all a part of, you know, you're just, you're not in it basically. And because I'm not one to really like
The Viall Files
E885 Ask Nick - The Best Bangsgiving Ever
speak up and feel speak on how I feel I basically just didn't say anything I just kind of let it go you didn't even joke being like well I'd love to be in it you know add me yeah no I'm just I am so bad at like speaking how I feel like I've been I'm just so just like passive, like I don't like conflict or confrontation. So I just won't say anything.
The Viall Files
E885 Ask Nick - The Best Bangsgiving Ever
But like when it gets behind closed doors, I like I'll get upset. I'll get mad and like talk to my mom or like my partner about it. And they're like, well, you have to say something. And I just I've never I'm not going to be honest. I've never had the balls to like speak up to him because every time I do, it just turns into this huge confrontation between the two of us.
The Viall Files
E885 Ask Nick - The Best Bangsgiving Ever
I don't know what they would say. I feel like my stepmom would have just some kind of excuse of why I can't be in it. Because going back to just why we're in this bad situation that we're in, the reason I started hating going over to his house so much is when he married this woman. And she has always made me feel like I am the redheaded stepchild of the family.
The Viall Files
E885 Ask Nick - The Best Bangsgiving Ever
And that, like, you know, her kids come first.
The Viall Files
E885 Ask Nick - The Best Bangsgiving Ever
Because I feel like I still want that. I still want to be, like, accepted, like, into the family, right? And I feel like I've worked so hard to get there. But, like, they're just not. It's like they don't want it. Like, she doesn't want to accept me at the end of the day.
The Viall Files
E885 Ask Nick - The Best Bangsgiving Ever
Yeah, because I'm not going to lie. What happened a couple of days ago is my grandma passed away back in September. And that's the whole reason we were at her house to begin with. And that's when they talked about the group chat. But I found out the other day through social media that my stepmom and my sister went and got matching tattoos for my grandma.
The Viall Files
E885 Ask Nick - The Best Bangsgiving Ever
didn't ask me like if I wanted to go, if I wanted to do that.
The Viall Files
E885 Ask Nick - The Best Bangsgiving Ever
So actually they adopted her when I was younger. So she's not even like by blood related to me, but like they adopted her when I was like seven or eight.
The Viall Files
E885 Ask Nick - The Best Bangsgiving Ever
Not really, but like, it was just, it's just the fact this always the fact that like, they just never like ask or even like check in to say like, Hey, do you, are you okay with this?
The Viall Files
E885 Ask Nick - The Best Bangsgiving Ever
Yeah. You know, I guess it's just so hard to accept that because it's like, well, like my dad's going to be with this woman, like what seems like the rest of his life. Yeah. And it's just like, how do I have a relationship with him?
The Viall Files
E885 Ask Nick - The Best Bangsgiving Ever
Always in the picture. And like, I feel like she's maliciously doing these things to me. Like I'm making this up in my mind.
The Viall Files
E885 Ask Nick - The Best Bangsgiving Ever
Yeah. No, and I never thought of it that way. I think it was just more of like, wow, just another thing that like I wasn't included in. And again, it just makes you feel like, like you said, the Cinderella of like the evil stepmom and the evil stepsister storyline.
The Viall Files
E885 Ask Nick - The Best Bangsgiving Ever
Yeah. And I think I'm just like scared to bring it up because anytime him and I like the conversations we have, it's like talking to like a colleague because you're so scared to say something that's like, why would you be scared?
The Viall Files
E885 Ask Nick - The Best Bangsgiving Ever
What I just said, because he just like, He doesn't ever. He's like he's just a very strange guy who like just doesn't like to talk about like anything that's like under the surface. Like he just likes to keep it strictly like he doesn't like to talk about his feelings.
The Viall Files
E885 Ask Nick - The Best Bangsgiving Ever
Yeah, no, I think that's great advice. I think when I've had conversations with him in the past about things that have bothered me, I've been very like, well, you did this and you did that.
The Viall Files
E885 Ask Nick - The Best Bangsgiving Ever
And hopefully he'll be receptive of that. But like, you're right. I have to quit letting like the little things that they do bother me because it just, it does like, it kind of like digs at my soul a little bit every time.
The Viall Files
E885 Ask Nick - The Best Bangsgiving Ever
Yeah. No, I think that's great advice. Like I said, I've never thought about it that way of like, like I'm making this like version of my dad up in my head that I would like him to be. And every time he doesn't live up to that expectation, it makes me upset because I've created this false reality in my head of who he actually is.
The Viall Files
E885 Ask Nick - The Best Bangsgiving Ever
I've seen him have that relationship with like my sister and my brother. And it's just like, it's always like well where did it go wrong and I I don't know I've been in therapy for years for this and like it's just it's just something I'm gonna have to live with and I think your advice is like spot on and is like stop expecting him to be this person that he's not
The Viall Files
E885 Ask Nick - The Best Bangsgiving Ever
No, they had him like he is not adopted. They had him. So he's, he's my half brother.
The Viall Files
E885 Ask Nick - The Best Bangsgiving Ever
Yeah, that doesn't surprise me. I guess with the way she's acted all these years, I just kind of assume that's how all step-parents act.
The Viall Files
E885 Ask Nick - The Best Bangsgiving Ever
Yeah. No, I think, I mean, I think that's great. I think it'll be a new way for me to try to communicate with him on like what I'm feeling. And, I'm just going to like, just ask him for help. I'm not going to say anything about the chat or like anything like that.
The Viall Files
E885 Ask Nick - The Best Bangsgiving Ever
Yeah. And every time I talk to my mom or my partner about it, they're like very, like, they're more confrontational than I ever want to be. And like, my mom's like, I would just tell them how you feel. And I'm like, you know, I don't think that's going to go over well.
The Viall Files
E885 Ask Nick - The Best Bangsgiving Ever
Yeah. When I, when I scheduled this call, I kept thinking of like the things that you might say. And like, I knew that like either the boundaries thing was going to come up as like setting the like certain boundaries or like the wanting to be right or wanting to be happy. And to be honest with you, my goal here is to be happy and to have a relationship with my dad.
The Viall Files
E885 Ask Nick - The Best Bangsgiving Ever
Maybe not to the full extent that I like hope it's going to be, but like just enough to where I love him and he loves me. You know, he gets to spend time with my kids.
The Viall Files
E885 Ask Nick - The Best Bangsgiving Ever
It is. It's I'm, I'm wasting too much time on it. It's like, it's, it's taking up too much space in my brain and I'm an overthinker. So once these incidents happen, I'm sitting there and I'm overthinking the whole thing, which is why I probably think she does things more maliciously than she attends to.
The Viall Files
E885 Ask Nick - The Best Bangsgiving Ever
Well, yesterday was my brother's birthday, actually. And, you know, she posted all the photos of him with my with her, with my dad, with my sister, but none with me and him. So I was just like, you know what? That felt malicious. But I was like, OK.
The Viall Files
E885 Ask Nick - The Best Bangsgiving Ever
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it, it hurt, but she doesn't see you.
The Viall Files
E885 Ask Nick - The Best Bangsgiving Ever
And listen, you did, she's made it very obvious.
The Viall Files
E885 Ask Nick - The Best Bangsgiving Ever
I did. I did. And I own that. And I said, I was sorry, but I was like, I was young and I was like, I had gotten to the point where I was just like, okay, enough is enough. And it was actually a, it was an event that happened with my stepmom that made me like finally cut them off was that we were wedding dress shopping for my sister.
The Viall Files
E885 Ask Nick - The Best Bangsgiving Ever
And she turns around and looks at me and she goes, well, I guess I'm going to have to buy your dress too. And I was like, at this point I was making my own money. Like I had a great job.
The Viall Files
E885 Ask Nick - The Best Bangsgiving Ever
Yeah, because the comment she made to me, it had built for so many years, and then I just kept ruminating on that comment that she made to me, and I was like, okay, I've had enough.
The Viall Files
E885 Ask Nick - The Best Bangsgiving Ever
Yeah. A hundred percent. That's a hundred percent what I did. And I know it was petty, which is why like after a couple of years of like ruminating in my pettiness, I did apologize.
The Viall Files
E885 Ask Nick - The Best Bangsgiving Ever
Yeah, no, I agree. And like I said, the reason I did make up with him after all those years is because I want him to have a relationship with my children.
The Viall Files
E885 Ask Nick - The Best Bangsgiving Ever
Your podcast has just helped so much because I've been listening to it for so long now. Your Ask Nick episodes I love. And just the language that you've been teaching through there has helped me in my relationships with my partner and how we communicate better. So I just want to say thank you.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
Does that make sense? I've literally had like this, the same thing, like the last time that we broke up, I said, like, for example, some things you could do is just when you go to the store every now and then, like buy a flower, like buy flowers.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
buy something just it doesn't have to be like expensive just something that shows that you were thinking about me and then like so we get get back together and my thoughts are oh man like he's gonna go to the store and get me flowers after we just had this conversation where I said get me flowers and then he doesn't so I kept playfully nudging you know oh you're going to the store like why don't you buy me some flowers or we went to the farmer's market together and I was like oh is this are you gonna buy me flowers and he's like do you really want me to buy you flowers here and I was like well I guess not
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
It's his house. And we weren't breaking up because of immediate reasons. A lot of it included... There's a lot of other things like wanting a family in my future, etc. He doesn't? No.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
It's accurate that that's what he said. I don't believe that, though.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
I really don't think that he wants to have to go through another breakup again. I mean, obviously I know he really loves me and cares about me. There are a lot of like really great aspects to our relationship as in like, we're like best friends. But I feel like that's like where it stops. But I think he wants to believe that he can do all those things for me. So that's why he says it.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
It is a true statement. Those are easy things to give or to ask for. And it's not unrealistic. So, I think he's being honest in the sense that he believes he can do it, but not in the sense that it will be done.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
Yeah, I definitely... Definitely do things like that. But like, it's just more of like a response of like flame emojis. And then that's where it ends. So I've done other things, you know, like put on lingerie and come out into the living room or like come out in the shower towel in the living room.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
And it's usually initiated then, but I'm not the most 100% like confident person in myself sexually. It doesn't help to have a partner that's really not that into sex all the time to build that confidence. He's really giving you with nothing. I try as best as I can.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
He has gone to therapy specifically to get over being cheated on. And then he said he went one day and just no longer had any upset feelings. So he never went back. He did agree to do couples therapy with me, which entailed me calling around to a bunch of couples therapists, never being able to book an appointment and not getting any help in booking one. And then we're where we are now.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
Forty four. So he's decided that he's too old for kids and he's just totally disinterested in that and not willing to entertain the conversation. OK, so.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
So I ended things and then we're still living together. And I decided to have a conversation with him. Like, Hey, basically we're still going to be living together and we're hanging out. Like we're still friends and doing all these things together. Like we're still friends, which is weird because a week ago we were boyfriend and girlfriend. So it's hard.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
Like when you're sitting on the couch with somebody watching TV or doing all these things together or to what it's like involuntary sometimes to like put your hand on their leg or like rub their shoulder or do things like that. So I kind of just said like, like what's your boundaries as far as while I'm still living here.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
And he said like, I always want you to hug me and kiss me, touch me, whatever, as long as you're here. And I did say like, okay, but my mind's not going to change as far as like wanting kids in the future. And that's a non-negotiable for you. And he said, yeah. So that's kind of where we left it. And like he said, he's okay with us being intimate until I go.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
I just don't, I don't know if he fully understands. There's no chance of ever getting back together. And I don't know if I'm making a bad decision on his or being like rude or inconsiderate to him by still doing those things while knowing it's not going to go forward.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
Good. My name is Casey. I'm 29, and my question is, should I break up with my boyfriend because he only wants to have sex on the weekends?
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
That's, I think it's the kids thing. It's like a super new feeling for me. I was always kind of on the page of love. I don't see myself being a mom ever. And then my brother and sister-in-law had a kid and, we had a FaceTime call over Christmas and I was looking at her face on FaceTime, the baby. And I was like, well, I think she'll keep it.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
My brother and I grew up with like a lot of Family trauma. And so my brother is very similar to you and how he talks about his daughter and how he talks about being a dad and like how I get to see him being a dad and I being able to see a family member that grew up in those same like traumas and experiences that you did.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
be a successful parent is like really eye opening towards being like, Oh, maybe I can do this too.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
The sex life is a big thing. It's sex life plus intimacy. Why I say that is because I think if things were better on that front and I was being more fulfilled in that aspect in our relationship, I'd be willing to compromise on some things. My brother and sister-in-law, they just had their first baby and she's turning one soon. So my big thing is I'm not going to get to be a part of
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
I just like, I really struggled because I've gone through this before. Like I had an apartment ready to go and I had talked to my job and I was ready to leave. And then I ended up staying and listening because he said he was going to, you know, change and fix everything. And then here I am again in this phase where like, okay, it all feels real again and I'm making plans to move and leave.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
And then of course, I mean, I know this is so common, but like all I can think about is all the good things and all the, like he's being a very gracious host. So we're having all these really great times together and,
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
laughing and joking and being more intimate because that's what happens when you think you're about to lose somebody and it's really hard to fight those feelings and be like remembering all the reasons that you want to leave right now and i'm like no that's what he's banking on for sure the right decision well all the other stuff aside his rude comments the limited sex the lack of intimacy the fact that he makes you feel like a nag all that aside
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
Yeah. Well, he's like, he said, that's a pretty crappy reason to end a relationship. I mean, I know it's a big reason, but I think it's a pretty crappy one.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
What advice would you have in helping me, I guess, like stand my ground in my head? And the mom thing is strong, but it's a new feeling. So I'm kind of like, well, what if it waivers? It's only been around for a couple of months. So like, that's why that is hard being a deciding factor to me.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
Like, so do you have any advice on, I want to make sure that I don't end up staying for another year and then I'm back here in the same place that I am now.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
I mean, we've gone through the cycle where it's like almost ended and then stay together.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
that life because I live on the opposite side of the country. And then I'm also not going to get to be a mom. So when I'm not feeling fulfilled in that aspect of my life, sexually and in our relationship and different things like that, it feels more like a big thing to me to be missing out on those other things. Whereas if it was great, maybe I'd be more willing to compromise.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
I guess it's just hard to draw the boundary there. Sure.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
It sounds it's hard to think of it like that because then it like makes it sound like malicious on his part. But I guess it's not just maybe like self-defense criticism.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
I know you're very big on, I haven't read your book. I'm not a big book reader. Maybe I will, but I know you're very big on don't text your ex, like not maintaining friendships after. My big thing is his family has been like I mentioned, I had some family trauma and like so his family has really become my family.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
Well, I mean, the big thing is intimacy. Basically, we don't ever really kiss or cuddle or like anything like that. Sex life can be like I was talking about, pretty vanilla. It's not a lot of like spontaneity. Really, only the times sex happens for us is like two o'clock in the morning when he's drunk and I'm not into it. Because it's not really romantic to me.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
I've been there for every event for like his nieces and nephews and his mom and his dad. I mean, they really become my family. I do want to maintain a relationship with them and then. I mean, I think I'd be fine maintaining a relationship with him sometime in the future, like friendship wise, but I'm curious.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
He does this every time we almost break up. He always guilts me and says, this is what happens. I'm never going to be able to talk to you again. Everybody says that they'll stay friends, but they never stay friends. And I have no problem just being a friend if a relationship ends and I just know you're never going to talk to me again.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
A good way to think of it is like, it's not going to matter to me as much once I've created one of my own.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
Okay. It's helpful to hear your point of view on him as well, because if I talk to my girlfriends or my mom or whatever, it's kind of just like, he sucks, leave him. And then if I talk to his family member and his friends, it's a little like, well, this is just him, but I think he can make it work.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
I wanted to say one last thing before we end the call that I know kind of unrelated, but I wanted to say thank you for having the perspective that you do on the Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni drama as a, somebody that's dealt with harassment and things like that. Um, It's very refreshing to have at least one person in a podcast of you guys always saying things and I'm like, am I crazy?
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
Anyways, I appreciate all of your advice and everything that you do and I love the podcast. Thank you. Thank you very much.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
He definitely says in conversation, like when we're having this normal conversation, it's something that he can do. He doesn't know why he doesn't give it to me. And it's a simple and easy thing to ask for.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
But as I mentioned earlier, we did get into a big blow up fight where it's happened maybe like four or five times in our five year relationship where he's gotten like super verbally aggressive with me. And he was totally like super awful in that argument and said something along the lines of that, because I'm young and inexperienced. I have nothing to reference it to.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
I mean, we've been dating for five years and there's gone like on and off fluctuations of the relationship and our sex life. But he's very like, I guess I wouldn't say it's a rule, but he's made it known that he's disinterested in sex on weekdays.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
And the amount of affection that he gives me is completely and totally normal. And then I'll find out with any other guy that I'm ever with. Gotcha. That kind of soured me towards the future as well.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
He says I'm young and inexperienced, but he's probably like, my fourth serious boyfriend. So I've been in relationships. You're 29 years old.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
No, I know. I think like part of it is we did have a lot of things in common, but I have heard things from his family and then just noticed about him in general that he does kind of like to date people more on the side where he can shape and mold them into more of a person that suits his lifestyle better into where he doesn't really have to change at all.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
He's been cheated on by like all of his past girlfriends. And I think he takes a lot of that out on me as far as like commitment wise. Again, we've been dating for five years and another thing he hasn't asked me to get married. And that's something that I want and doesn't seem like something in his future.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
Well, I guess there's been a development since I wrote in and we kind of did have a discussion where it's basically been ended, but it's kind of also not been ended at the same time because we're still living together. So I guess kind of part two of my question was, am I making the right decision? And my plan is to move across the country back home with my family.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
Yeah. I mean, that's just always been a non-negotiable for me that like, if I'm ever getting to the point where I feel like stepping down or having feelings for somebody else, I'm always, I'll break up. Sure. I got to break up. I never want to do that, but, um, so let me ask you this on the head with like, with the dynamic of our relationship from start to now.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
and his perspective on being cheated on in the past. So that's exactly right.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
I don't know. It'll help people empathize with him, but I think it's, Honestly, genuinely, genuinely what he thinks is like that I haven't given him enough of a chance to kind of change things. And he knows these are all things that he's super capable of and that he can, he can and will do anything to make the relationship work and like whatever it takes, he'll make the relationship work.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
I mean, we went through this phase. We almost broke up basically over the summer and he said all these things. And I mean, things were good for a while, but it ended up being like, I think I'm realizing the reason it ends up being good is because I'm the one that starts to fully invest back in the relationship again.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
And then after a few months, I started to pull back again because I'm like, wait, is he really trying? It doesn't seem like he's trying that much. So I don't know if I could say it. Like, he'll be a little bit better for a few weeks about complimenting me or walking our dog or just trying to do something to make me happy. But then after that, it feels like it kind of goes dry again.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
I mean, I've said to him before, like, he just says, like, it honestly doesn't cross his mind. And I'm kind of like, well, I call BS. I don't know. Sorry if I'm too loud to say that.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
I mean, he has a ton of things like he's really good at. I know maybe this is a common analogy for men, but sports stats and all these things and all these different facts he can keep in his head and remember to do things. And he'll set reminders to make sure he does things. And I said, why don't you put a reminder on your phone?
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
Make sure you give Casey a hug when she gets home or make sure you kiss Casey a little bit more. like just different reminders of things like that.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
Correct. I was kind of like sitting with these feelings and then we ended up getting into a huge argument a few weeks back. And I ended up like in that same argument, sharing my feelings about this concern as well as several other concerns that I have had in the relationship and decided to come to an end, but not immediately because I'll be still be staying for a while longer. in the home.
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
44 I mean he's not figuring it out you're not describing a man who's ever really been able to learn from any of his heartbreaks you know he's only he's only paying himself out to be a victim my question is on that is like he kind of challenges me a lot that like I need to tell him more but it gets like it doesn't make the intimacy as like I don't know it doesn't feel the same when you're constantly having to remind somebody so it's like
The Viall Files
E897 Ask Nick - Am I A Nag?
How often do I have to remind somebody or is that, I mean, just up to me how often I want to do that in my relationship? I mean, at a certain point, it gets kind of like not genuine anymore.
Watch What Crappens
#2701 Southern Charm S10E07: It Takes Tuba To Tango
Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens?
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
Okay, let's hear from Casey. Hi, Glenn and Abby and Amanda. My name is Casey and I'm a huge fan of the podcast. I've been listening since you started and I just had a question for you. I was listening to the episode on confronting crisis with compassion and it came up a lot, the idea of needing to process emotion. I was wondering what do you think that actually means? How do you process emotion?
We Can Do Hard Things
Are Old Women Really Irrelevant?
Because I think what I normally do is what you all sort of described as like jumping straight into action. Glennon, you were talking about calendaring out the treatment plan for Amanda and that not really being processing emotion. So I'm just wondering what does processing emotion mean and how do you do it? Thank you so much.