Arasha Lalani
Appearances
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A troll? Like, girl, you got clear skin, banging bod, and somehow you bagged this guy? Like, obviously you're attractive.
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I mean, it certainly, from my end, it feels like it comes from just pure insecurity. Oh, absolutely. Of him, like, immediately being like, oh, whoa. Yeah, you're right. You're not even attractive enough. And then he, like, went to his room, locked the door. Sorry. Like a little boy. Like a little man child. And then in the morning is like, bye, babe. Sorry. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. I don't like it.
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I'm for some reason going downward.
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he kind of brought up the attraction thing kind of out of nowhere, right? Because it was like these messages and he was saying that he was flirting and whatever. And then out of nowhere it was like, well, yeah, you're not even attractive enough to cheat on me. So it seems like that is the only thing on his mind, is appearance.
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Which is perhaps why he felt like he was a part of this relationship, so that he could feel superior to her. True.
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How you kind of behave after that, too. Like, you can apologize, but, like, locking somebody out of the room and kind of that kind of behavior, it's like you might be able to be like, ah, sorry, like, my bad. I was in a different headspace or whatever. Right. But the other person is going to remember that. Right. Exactly. They are not going to forget how you made them feel. Right.
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It feels like a form of gaslighting. Yeah, exactly. Where it's like, was I not there? Did I make that up? Was I maybe half asleep? Like, did I misinterpret these messages? Like, it makes you question everything that happened for yourself.
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Yes, yes. It betrays that, like, safety, that sense of, like, I trust you to tell me when things are... are real or when I'm off or when something is off and now no longer.
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Talk about a mattress baguette.
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Seriously. I think we're gonna get something going here.
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Yeah, and if not in a relationship, like in high school on a test.
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Yeah. Nobody hooks up over LinkedIn.
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That's a bummer, too, because I was hoping, like, when I first was listening to the story, I was like, oh, it seems like, obviously, he thinks she's very beautiful. He is very attracted to her. He's married to her. Right, but it's clear that it's actually just a power dynamic, and he wants it that way to where he feels more attractive than her.
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So we should comment. As a therapist, send pic.
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What were you calculating?
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I mean, that's implying that it's one condom per session, if you know what I mean.
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He's busting them out. He's putting them on his nipples.
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And then he's like, I never did that.
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Right. There's so many things that are insane with it, but we simply have to talk about why she declared that as low libido.
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He's forgetting how many cocks he's got.
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That's what I'm saying. And I think that that's what I'm saying.
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That's fine, you can be dumb.
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That's so funny. He's like, babe, meet me at this hotel. And she's like, one sec, I gotta go to the bowl.
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But... That's a wild assumption to draw just because you ran out of condoms.
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Like, it's like, it feels like there has to be something deeper that he is upset about. Or, like, could it be that he has been suspecting that she's cheating and he's choosing to relay it through it?
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Right. Listen, if they didn't want it, they wouldn't put those desks right next to each other. That's so great.
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No. And pester, too? Uh-uh. Pester. Like, clearly, if there's an issue, just kind of, like, there's another way to navigate that, but not being like, hey, hey, me.
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What? Huh? Yeah. People do that?
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Great. So they like write it on their arms?
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Yep. Sir. Sir. Too late. It's already done.
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And he's also like, he's also framing this being like, well, I stopped halfway. And it's like, not because you were guilty, but because she was bad.
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Wife, friend is helping, husband. I'm there.
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She was bad in bed, so you stopped, and then you were like, wait.
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which all the wonderful things you're listing about your wife is not gonna make anybody feel bad for you, King. Like, I am sure these comments are tearing him a new one, being like, you fumbled, you lost your wife, you had it, and it's your fault for not recognizing that. You don't have to go have sex with somebody else to be like, oh my God, wait, I love my wife. That's so true. Wait a minute.
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I cannot believe this man wrote those words. Like, that's baffling.
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It's quite clear what the advice is.
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I was going to say, like, I thought it could have maybe just ended with the flirtation downstairs of, like, being in the hotel room and she was flirting and him being like, oh, well, yeah, you know, you're attractive, too. I'm interested, like, whatever. And then being like, wait, what am I doing? I am married. and stopping there, which even in that case is wrong.
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That is a whole nother case of emotional cheating, but he literally went upstairs and started having sex with her.
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I'm there, okay. You know I'm a visual girl, we've been over this. Have to draw it.
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No! Oh, I forgot that those exist. I can't wait.
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Yeah, this guy doesn't exactly scream sly.
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No, I liked it. I don't want to, but like, it feels like this could perhaps just genuinely be like somebody who is actually, again, just very unaware, who is, again, just like, just stupid. Just like somebody who maybe doesn't understand relationship dynamics or commitment.
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I'm not saying that that denies any of everything we've said, and I think that the wife is completely in the right, but even the ridiculousness of him being like, no, no, no, honey, look, I made it public and showed everybody. And told everybody.
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I don't love you anymore because of that. And it's again, it's just like, okay, so there has to be something where he's just actually not getting that.
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I think it was five. Oh, is it five years? Is that a different story? Have they been married for about five years? For five years.
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And it's important, I think, too, to establish that for yourself, right? Absolutely. Where is it in terms of your value? How much could you potentially forgive a partner if that happened to you? And this woman seems pretty clear in at least following her heart in the moment of being like, I know how I feel now.
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It's such an interesting thing, you're right, and it's such a case-by-case basis because I know, like, a lot of the times too in situations like substances can get involved too. And that is often an excuse of like, oh, my thinking was impaired. And it's like, well.
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And it's just like, well, but yeah, I agree. I don't think I would accept that, but like, In this situation, it's like the hardest that you could make this is like, you know, he realizes it right away. He does go and tell his wife. He fully apologizes and is like, I don't know what I was thinking and I was out of my mind. And then it's like, wow, what do I do?
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You know, like it really is just like an individual thing that you have to self-reflect and understand where you feel on it. And sometimes you don't understand until it happens to you, which is heartbreaking.
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Of course. That's like a virtue that she's clearly not exhibiting, or she's not against her friend not exhibiting that.
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Yeah. Right. Or like, sorry, you're not gonna do any other research two and a half years before? You're gonna go through all of that and not look up any other way?
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How could I have gotten chlamydia? Google that, right?
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I mean, we touched on this point earlier, right? Like, if somebody does cheat, it's likely that you're gonna be able to see that. And I would think if they were caught or exposed in this way, you would have kind of been able to detect it in him.
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And it's crazy to say that the koala is the obvious choice.
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No, no, no, not even, though it's enticing, 3K. Not for the money.
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That's insane. And the koala just happened to pee on him.
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I want to hold and cuddle one.
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Then I guess I have to bet opposite. I have to say that the man is a master manipulator.
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Yeah. It's certainly one thing I think you're right of, like, in a lot of these cases, I think it is, like, not our business. Let me stay out of it because I'm not in that relationship. And oftentimes, too, because I am curious about y'all's opinions with this, like, when you're friends with a couple and you find out that one is cheating, like...
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But we have confirmed that it was koala.
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Yeah, that is an insane story to have.
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Like for that to have happened to you and your marriage. I mean, this is what we were kind of saying with like the crazy situations of cheating, right?
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Is it your responsibility to come in and tell somebody? And my opinion with that is always so nuanced because nobody knows that dynamic of the relationship.
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Yeah, seance. That's crazy. I mean, what do you do? Do you forgive?
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They were on a break, and this was Ross and Rachel, how dare you?
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Wait, sorry, I just need to make it known they were not on a break. I just need to make sure that that's where I stand on that. They were not on a break. They were not on a break. I mean, they were on a break, but still what he did was inappropriate. Just need to make sure that that is known.
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I mean, I agree with what you said. I think the way that she wrote out her feelings were very eloquent. And I love that she said she used to believe this, but now that she's in this situation, she realizes that That isn't actually how she feels, and I'm glad that she isn't just being like, well, this is what I feel, so I should do that. She's actually following her heart and being present.
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And if you come in with this information and then let's say they still decide to stay together and get married, like then great, you're at this wedding and you're like, okay, well now this is very complicated or maybe I'm not a friend of them anymore. So it's almost like what is the part that you should play when you know someone else is cheating?
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And yeah, she has to kind of evaluate, like, sure, maybe technically it might be okay or not okay, but it's just the feeling of, are you able to move on? Does it still feel appropriate to stay in this? And having a family... There's a whole other layer to it.
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Honestly, that has grounded me throughout this whole video is mattress baguette. Coming back to mattress baguette.
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Soft or firm. Maybe it comes in two different ways.
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Yes, and I like memory baguette.
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I guess it's kind of surprising that this feels like something you would know about your partner as well, right? Like to discuss values up front. And I guess if they hadn't yet talked about loyalty in friendships and in relationships, this probably is something that's shocking to him. And he's like, oh, I didn't realize that you don't care about that.
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I mean, and if they're married, it's hopefully clear that they haven't had any infidelity between them. But this is clearly causing him to question, like, maybe now that this friend has introduced how easy and fun it might be to cheat, she might be like, oh, well, then maybe I could do something fun like that.
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I think it's a baguette that's massive.
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No, we're definitely, we're not losing that. We're gonna put a pin right there.
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Right, like none of this is important, what's that?
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I am obsessed with that, just coming up with random similes and metaphors and just naming it.
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And we're coming back. Is it a mattress?
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We can make this. This is gonna be a hit. To answer the question, My initial instinct was to say, yes, it's enough, because I believe that sometimes we can be just, I mean, we're humans. We're gonna have faults and gaps in our awareness, and it can be, I think,
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moment of just getting caught up with this friend like you said like that already opened up so much more context of like your best friend is like my husband sucks and he's doing all of these things XYZ I don't even know how far that goes on that spectrum but she's like but I have this really great experience with this guy and I really need your help and whatever and yes maybe she could have come to her senses a little quicker and said something like wait this feels a little crazy or
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If there is a problem going on, maybe let's talk about separating that relationship and then we can talk about introducing another man. But perhaps she was getting caught up in that situation and just being like, okay, I got your back. And maybe it's, again, fun in some way. And then it just took her husband to be like, hey, remember that somebody is getting hurt.
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And then she is like, oh my God, you're so right. There's clearly a way to do this that doesn't hurt people.
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That's what I'm stuck on.
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Yes. There's a whole show here.