Angus

We got a call? Like an actual call?

All right.

I like that one.

He doesn't know shit. Never mind, I can't judge you.

Did you see the sequel? The Patriot.

I'm sorry.

And?

There's nothing to do with it.

People's little projects?

I'm sorry you got shot in the ass.

Specialist Quavo.

What the f***?

It's an entire article.

Presence!

No shit.

You don't have a baby to feel kick. What are you doing?

I'm not making this up.

Yeah, that's the thing. Do you want to walk outside where it's f***ing cold? Yeah, let's f***ing pump this shit out there.

I haven't been drunk enough. I'm gonna say, no, they're not. You're a piss. This is a terrible thing. That's gonna take so long to bring up an episode.

It was like corn, but gay.

You can go to Missouri and get a 30-rack for like $20. And it's like $32.

It was a fin. It was like looking at me like. Good fucking thing you did it. You would have told the car the price of the animal. Yeah, it's that $30,000 fucking animal.

They went, oh. And now you don't have to pet a rhino. You're welcome. Just find an Oldsmobile. Did you guys get some rhino horn tea out of the deal?

How much is a whitetail? This is true. $3,000 to $17,500.

LS.

5.3.

I was wearing the goggles.

For him, he has one foot in the...

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The new one is in the mail, but it takes like forever.

Yeah. And I guess my sister had realized the inspection was... and instead of just like telling someone, she just scraped it off.

I said let it fester for a second. I had an entire bag of Sour Patch Kids last night and they are not sitting right with me. Does that make you fart?

No. Yeah. Oh, I was telling Will this, Lauren, but I lost some aura. No. I lost some aura. Why? Oh, this podcast down bad for real.

But my, my ex-girlfriend texted me and said that a kid who's now in the fraternity that I was in came up to her at the bar and was like, you know, you used to date Jack, right? And she was like,

You guys came home, and you all had a ton of money in your pockets, and I came out to hang out in one of my bunnies.

It's like putting mayonnaise on a donkey. Doesn't help. Never helps.

uh Bentley oh no I got into I applied to I like applied to Bama for some reason oh really yeah and Michigan State I applied I was kind of in it was there were two options for if you're if you're a B student in Maine you're either going to a liberal arts school or a state school yeah I mean that's like most schools

I was... I got home last night and was very, very hungry and was like, you know what? I'll get some like Applegate nuggets. I got to stop eating out. So I Postmates them from like the grocery store because it was like already nine o'clock.

That's where Flan wanted to go.

I actually think I know the kid who took your spot at UPenn.

I love that guy. You know what we call USC in my house? University of Spoiled Children.

I'm clipping that.

Yeah, he was telling a really funny, not to me, but he was telling a very funny story that he used to go, he would dress up as a janitor and go to his friend's classes and pretend to be a janitor. Oh, that's hilarious. And walk in. Will Ferrell? Yeah, with like a bucket and be like, the guy, the professor would be like, can I help you? He'd be like,

and the guy comes and he like dropped the bag and then like jogged away like i didn't have like he rung the door while i was there in two seconds he was already gone and uh i looked in the bag and it's cauliflower nuggets and i was like yo hey and he was like what's up dude and i was like this isn't what i ordered and then the elevator door just closed and he left and

Hi, Cousin Will.

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Road map. Road map. Road map. It's a road map. It's going to tell you where we're going to go and where we're going to hear.

That's just like a fun thing we get to do around here. All right. We have a beautiful episode for you guys today. We're going to hear your pitches. We're going to hear our pitches. We're going to do the permitting division of the building department.

The permitting division of the building department. Build it, knock it, and slap it all around. The building department is here in town. And then we're going to do... I hit that note. Ah!

And so I called him and I was like, you brought me cauliflower. I asked for chicken nuggets. And he was like, I don't know, man. They said that was like a fair replacement because they didn't have the ones you wanted. I was like, what? Why would that be? Why would that be a fair replacement? This is a different. They're fundamentally different. Did you eat them? No. Oh.

Bark at the moon. And then we're going to do this guy rocks, this guy rocks, this guy rocks today. And guys, let us know if you're rocking with the theme songs because... Then we're going to do everyone's favorite segment. Teach me something. Followed by nicknames for your significant other and words that don't exist.

I think this is going to be our best. Did you just come up with one?

We don't need to Google it. It's a thing.

We know it's in the English muffins. You see spongy bowling balls.

I feel like they could have been good.

Go remember Kajili. And then you put the tortilla in the other thing and you pull down a lever and imagine just rolling the fattest burrito.

Like, I don't know.

I like his eyes rocking. You want to like wash clothes on his washboard abs? Jesus Christ. What, you want to like pour syrup on his chest and watch it like fill in all the cracks in his abs?

I don't like planning.

God forbid we eat at the food pantry.

No, that's not what he said.

That's what he's saying, like where do I go? Everyone's like, Jesus, dude.

All right. What is the worst part about parking on the street? Getting a ticket.

Slashing your mirror, slashing your tire. False. It's tickets. That's the worst part about it. And...

Angus saw that I was playing Words with Friends a couple weeks ago and got very excited, downloaded it, was like, we're going to play it all the time. He got very excited. I want to stress that. And I got excited for him because I'm a very fun guy to play.

They probably shouldn't be reproducing in the first place if they can't. Would you have a high or low social credit score? Probably like the lowest thing.

Well, we tried calling the same guy over and over again. It's not Brian Chauvin's lawyer, is it? Yeah, you're not.

Yeah, Derek Chauvin's lawyer, apparently.

Your buffalo cauliflower thing was making me think of this. When I was in college, my friend Morgan Kleber brought over buffalo chicken. Or sorry, buffalo cauliflower. You know, they bread it and fry it. So it's kind of like a buffalo nugget, but it's cauliflower on the inside. Didn't tell anyone. Or I didn't, word didn't get to me that those weren't like wings or nuggets or something.

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Yeah, but like it's mostly for... But we are athletes. It's mostly for guys like us.

Like washboard abs. Athlete body. Athlete body. Athlete foot.

They looked just like wings or nuggets. And so we're sitting there and she was like, do you try what I brought? I was like, no, I'll pop over there. I'll pop over and try it. And I still think it's chicken. And so I bit into it. And if you're expecting chicken and you get like soft cauliflower, like the first place my brain went was like, oh, this is like rotten chicken.

Because that would be a weird. Oh, I don't know. Probably not. Len Bias. My dad used to tell me that it was the I think it was the first time he did cocaine. He died. All right. Do you want to hear about one of the craziest coincidences ever?

Sure. I have a business pitch.

Will you tell this? This is one of my favorite stories I've ever heard you tell. The Delta number thing that happened to your friend.

Well, Lauren hasn't.

You've never been Ian Capone'd?

Oh, I need to switch my calendar. That makes me want to puke. Really? I have a flip calendar on my thing. All right. Lauren, pause this immediately, and I mean immediately.

My mom will send me pictures of... My mom will send me pictures of, like, the newspaper or whatever thing she gets, like, her...

Yeah, daily horoscope thing. And she'll just be like, this is so you. And it'll be like the most generic thing in the world.

All right, so this is a young gentleman named Jonah Zane. And we all know that pop music has kind of been in decline for a while.

I think this guy rocks. No, you don't.

Well, there's nothing at that age to write about.

Unless he runs like a lemonade stand. No, I'm saying unless he makes less. So he has $9,000. And you spend it all on this mystery girl. Yes. It's kind of awesome, actually.

There was a ski trip after school. Yes. And he got caught setting up a GoPro in the women's bathroom.

Yeah. Conquer to link it is just like a blinding feeling of hunger. It's that one where you can't focus on anything else. I have conquered to link it. And you're so hungry you could eat a horse.

Yeah. You got banned from the parking lot.

Yeah. Did you ever egg a house?

Chalunkadunka. It's her name on her home planet.

What are you going to say?

When I'm a grandfather... I genuinely haven't heard that.

Neither of you batted an eye.

Frunch! Frunch! Frunch! Frunch! Frunch! Frunch! Frunch! Frunch! Frunch! Frunch!

I am going to steal Mr. Rogers' personality. Okay. My room is clean again, finally, and the house is clean, so I'm going to be better about taking my shoes off and putting my slippers on. And then I also have to be on my best behavior.

Sorry. But yes, I do know which ones she's listened to.

Angus, you know Willie stole money from my girlfriend at the bar? I believe it.

I love when he does that. It's so cool. That was amazing. I don't know how he does that. All right. Love you guys. Have a great rest of your Wednesday and a great weekend, and we will see you guys on Monday.

I did it.

They're like coins flying.

Dude, speaking of people biking on the way to work, there was like, some sort of like recreational bike race happening. Oh, sweet. On my way to work today.

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