In this interview, Richard Taite dives deep into mental health and sobriety with Lil Xan. Discover the importance of wanting to change and how sobriety has led to success for the rapper, including his family's story of substance abuse, how his dad inspired his music career, and more. Los Angeles is the backdrop for this profound conversation. For all things Richard Taite, the We're Out Of Time podcast, and Carrara Treatment Wellness & Spa: https://linktr.ee/richardtaite https://www.1callplacement.org/ For more on Lil Xan: https://www.instagram.com/xanxiety Key moments from this conversation with Lil Xan & Richard Taite. Intro 00:00 Where did Lil Xan get his stage name, what did it used to be and how did being a photographer at SXSW lead to him becoming a rapper? 01:09 What is Lil Xan's family history of substance abuse and addiction? 06:11 How did his Dad's passion for music inspire Lil Xan's music? 09:14 What has been the most difficult part for Lil Xan in getting sober? 10:58 When did substance use start for Lil Xan? 15:50 Why did Lil Xan take a year-long hiatus from music and social media? 19:57 What is Lil Xan's infamous "Hot Cheeto" story? 23:31 What plan does Lil Xan have to be able to confront fears and times of depression? 30:27
Chapter 1: What inspired Lil Xan's stage name?
I need to know about the Hot Cheetos. Oh my god, the Hot Cheetos. I love that story.
What was the most difficult moment in your journey trying to get sober?
I had finally decided in myself, I was like, I'm done living like this because I could see I was going to die.
All right. Little Zam. How's it going, man? How you doing? Doing good. This coffee is really good too, man. Thanks for coming today, bro. I really appreciate it. You came from Temecula? Yeah, Temecula, the faraway lands of Temecula. That's three hours. You're going six hours round trip?
Yeah. Yeah. We're probably going to stay out here a little bit, get some food, and then wait for traffic to die down. But I appreciate you having me on as well. Well, thank you, man.
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Chapter 2: What is Lil Xan's family history with addiction?
So- I want to talk about, first thing, your name. Yeah. Lil Xan. It's crazy.
How'd you get that? That is a very interesting question. The name Lil Xan, originally, there was, let's go back to 2016. I'm in South by Southwest in Austin, Texas. I'm going by a different name called Baby NyQuil, you know? Yeah, it's just... Some people know about that. And I wasn't trying to be a rapper. I was just trying to be a photographer for rappers.
I didn't care if I got famous for being the photographer. I just wanted to be involved in the scene that was going on. But I also had a vice, an addiction to Xanax at the time. And one of my friends just kept looking at me and he's like, you're so messed up off Xanax all the time. You're Lil Xan. And then from that point on, we swapped from Baby Night Quill to Lil Xan.
Chapter 3: How did Lil Xan's father influence his music career?
But at the time I was thinking, Wow. What a stupider name than Baby NyQuil Lil Xan. Like I was like, that is we're not going to get radio play with that name. People sponsorships aren't going to want to. I was surprised, though, like in the beginning, like everybody wanted to work with Lil Xan, which was crazy because that name is just crazy. Well, drug addicts don't know what it means.
Chapter 4: What challenges did Lil Xan face in getting sober?
Yeah, true. That is, I did learn that as the years went on that, yeah, yeah, there is a majority of people that little Zan, like Zan, Zan, like they don't put it to. In our circle, right? Yeah. Everybody knows. Yeah, exactly.
But, you know, only. They're the normies. Yeah.
That's what they call it. That's what they call it. You going to add? Hmm. What was that? You going to AA? I've been to a few AAs. The last one I went to was like a few months ago. Yeah. But I went to rehab as well, like a few times. Really? I did this one in Huntington Beach a few times. And by the fourth time, it took me a few times.
But by the fourth time, yeah, I just haven't touched it since that last rehab.
How long is it? Do you drink?
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Chapter 5: When did Lil Xan first start using substances?
Uh, socially. Yeah. Yeah. I socially drink, but I haven't drank in a long time.
Okay. And you smoke pot. Yes. Cali sober. A hundred percent. Cali sober. Well, Cali sober means you don't drink. You just smoke. Oh, really? Well, I'm, I'm, uh, somewhere in the middle there. Yeah. That's okay, bro. You know what the thing is, is, you know, The Xanax was creating wreckage for you, right? Oh, yeah. Okay. And we'll get into that. The pot, I don't really have an opinion on. Okay.
I consider it to be- Gateway drug? No, no, no, no. I consider it to be like a medically assisted treatment. Okay. Right? So that's not a problem for me. I just want you to be aware of the drinking, right? Because here's my experience. Yeah. Your first drink's fine. But somewhere in that second drink, halfway through, three quarters through, whatever it is, it happens. Mm-hmm.
Right? I know what you mean. Yeah, I know. You're talking about like triggered getting... No, you get drunk.
Chapter 6: Why did Lil Xan take a break from music and social media?
Oh, you started... That buzz hits, right? Yeah, yeah, that buzz hits. Yeah. Right? And when that does and you're feeling good, it affects your decision-making. Yes. And then you're out to buy...
Xanax.
For sure.
Yeah. Back to the dope bag. That's what I meant. Yeah, yeah. Like, it leaves one bad thing will lead to another.
Chapter 7: What is the story behind Lil Xan's infamous 'Hot Cheeto' moment?
Well, it just affects your decision making. It just, you know, that's why people get in a car and they run into a family of four or whatever, you know. I agree completely. And so, if you can be honest with yourself, right? Yeah. And make certain that when you're feeling it, right, because you'll get away with it. The first, I mean, I got away with it maybe a hundred times. Yeah. Okay.
But then I was back to the dope man.
Yeah. Yeah. Right. Oh, I've had those, those situations too. The third time that I'd gotten out of rehab, I was thinking that was it. Like I cured, I wasn't going to relapse anymore. And that time within an hour of getting out of rehab, I was already on the phone with my plug. having him drive three hours to drop off Percocets, like an hour after I'd left my third time at rehab.
So yeah, I understand that completely. And it just, yeah, the fourth time, thank God, it seemed like it worked out. So it's hard. It's tricky. Yeah.
It is tricky, but here's my fear. Okay. One of the reasons or the reason I decided to do this podcast because of the fentanyl. Epidemic. Yeah, it's horrible. It's horrible. It's horrible. And, you know, Xanax, you ain't going to a damn pharmacy. You just said it. You called your plug.
Yeah. Yeah. And the legitimacy of those pills comes into question all the time.
Well, yeah. 70% of them have fentanyl in it. Yeah. So it's not if you're going to die, it's when you're going to die. When, exactly. Tell me about your family, dude. Do you have brothers, sisters?
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Chapter 8: What strategies does Lil Xan use to confront depression?
Yeah, I have a half brother and a half sister. The problem with that, and you'll learn kind of where my addiction came from. It was definitely like I feel hereditary, almost like passed down because my sister is still in the streets of San Bernardino, you know, on I think it's meth and stuff. So I don't see her very often. She's older. She's like 40, 50 or something.
And my brother, who's also almost 50, he's in prison for murder.
yeah so murder yeah for murder yeah yeah tell me about that he uh I only got to see him probably till I was like eight years old that's the last memory I have of him um and then apparently I don't know the whole story but he got into a tussle at a hotel a drug deal gone bad kind of something uh and the guy got shot in the head and yeah he's locked up ever since so I haven't seen my brother
uh in like 20 years actually yeah 20 years when does he get out uh he doesn't yeah he's not getting out why i it's it's amazing he didn't shoot him it was like an accident and put it this way the guy he shot in the head lived he lived but he's like crit like crippled from you know the neck down and stuff but he lived it's a weird case but he should have gotten out and 10 years ago.
You know what I mean? So it's just the justice system. But he didn't shoot him. No, no, no, no. Yeah.
So it's when you're out with people and somebody commits a felony like that, you're all responsible.
Yeah. Yeah. Even the other guy. Yeah. They all got screwed over. So, you know, it doesn't really bother me. I don't feel like I hold any trauma on that side from my sister or my brother. At this age, 28, I think I've learned that they're always going to excuse me, they're always going to do what they want to do. And the only way they're going to change.
And I know this for a fact, because that's how I changed. It has to come from within. Like you have to want to change your life for the better before, like nobody can help you. Like they can try, you can try to help. You can try to put her in rehab, but if they don't want to change, it will never happen.
What's your relationship like with your parents right now?
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