Self-described diva mermaids descend upon the Below Deck Down Under ship, and one is possibly drowned after being loaded onto faulty equipment. The other piece of faulty equipment, Wihan, has a lot of mating prospects, though, so who cares really? To watch this recap on video, listen to our Traitors bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Tickets for the Mounting Hysteria Tour are now on sale at watchwhatcrappens.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Chapter 1: Who are the hosts of Watch What Crappens?
Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast for all the crap we love to talk about on your bravs. I'm Ronnie. Hi, Ben, you handsome little man. How's everything going over there? Hi, everything's great over here. How's everything going with you? Guess what? We're on tour, everybody. We are going to be going out next week. Here's our dates for March. Are you ready?
We're going to Cincinnati, Minneapolis, Toronto, Charlotte, Atlanta, Washington, and Philadelphia. Followed by that, we'll be in Boston, Detroit, Chicago, Austin, Dallas, and Las Vegas. Please check out watchwhatcrappens.com. for links to tickets and all that good stuff. You'll also find links to our Patreon, which is where you'll find these videos that we're making right now.
We're doing video recaps every day so you can watch instead, if you feel it, over there. Or if you'd prefer, you can listen to bonus episodes. We're doing Traders right now on Peacock, a Traders recap. So that's always a really good time. And I think that's all I have to say to start off. How about you? Anything on your end, Ben?
Chapter 2: What can we expect from Below Deck Down Under S03E05?
I don't have anything pressing on my mind. Just hello, everyone. How are you? Hello. Hello. What are your below deck thoughts? You know, fun times happening on that boat. You know, I don't know if I have too many pressing thoughts. It's kind of fun that there's a... that everyone's like in love with Bion. And I like that he is revealing himself to be a douchebag.
Cause we were really, I think we were really out of sorts that he's like a bosun who seemed to be like more or less capable, seemed friendly, seemed mature, didn't really have any damage. And now we're seeing like, no, no, he's like a standard bosun. He's a douche.
That's that. Those are my thoughts as well. I was really happy to see a douche emerge because I was like casting. I mean, just last week I was yelling at casting, like, do your goddamn jobs. What are all these people with no traumas? You've got no douchebags. I mean, what's happening over there, but guess what? Casting said, fuck you. And you want the footage, release the Kraken and here it comes.
And so far he's kind of a sly douchebag is not as evil. Like there's nothing really evil there, but he did almost kill somebody today. So.
Yeah. And then, you know, it's nice because as he becomes douchier, it's going to bring out more of Lara's bitchy side, which I need from my my chief stew. I need I need my chief stew to be like douchy.
not always sweet so we're getting to see that which makes me happy and then the other thing is Johnny I'm really struggling with the fact that I really like Johnny and you know he started off the season on such a terrible note that I was just like I was prepared for him to be just like the villain and
every episode i like him more and more and i actually think he's like really hot and i'm just like this doesn't really make sense to me he's supposed to be a dick so i'm gonna wait for him to be a dick again but uh i'm really disconcerted by all that yeah i am too i find him very charming but you know what listen a lot of people start out on a bad note and do really well and any alicia q's fan will know that you know i still love her i don't care she starts with like a rawr
Keep on falling. I'm still in. I'm in for the ride. But yeah, I feel the same way about Johnny. I thought he was going to be such a jerk and he's just so charming. Like now I can see little Serena Johnny children running around smashing plates in the kitchen.
Yeah, I kind of want Zarina. I feel like, you know, he's very affectionate with Zarina, and I'm kind of like, Zarina, stop chasing after Vian. Go after your handsome Greek god who's giving you complimentary shoulder rubs in the galley. That is your man.
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Chapter 3: How does the crew handle dating dynamics on the yacht?
Yeah. Yeah. So Marina and Vian are on their date still. And Zarina's really upset because she found out they're on a date and she was liking him. And she's like, it's annoying because I thought Vian and I were vibing and I feel like I misread the situation again. And, you know, we see flashbacks of her flirting with Culver all of last season.
And she goes, this sort of thing keeps on happening to me and I don't know why. I'm like... Stop feeding the men. Then you'll see their true colors.
Well, I like that she, you know, she's like, I'm going to fight against this heartbreak by teasing my hair. So she gets her hair really high somehow. And then that's like her revenge. She's like, I'm going to get in a black nightie and make my hair really big. And everybody's going to know what the fuck they're dealing with today. I was like, all right, I'm into it. I'm from Texas.
So I'm into a good passive aggressive hair tease. Yeah.
Um, so, uh, anyway, um, Vianna and Marina come back to the boat and, uh, and, uh, what's her face is saying that, uh, I like him and Laura's like, Oh, Bree's talking. I'm sorry. Bree is talking about, um, There were dual dates that happened last episode. So it's like a lot to keep track of. But Brie went on a date with, what's his face? Skinny Chris Knoth. Why can't I remember anyone's name?
Harry.
Harry.
This is what today is going to be like today. You know there's some days you just can't remember anyone's names? That's today. I'm just going to be like, Eduardo came back with Felicia. Are these people on the boat?
Well, it's also below deck. So different casts start clashing in my mind, you know? But yeah, Brie's like, I like fancy him. We had ice cream. My family likes ice cream. And so Laura's like, did you kiss him again? She's like, of course. I really like him. I think he's just such a gentleman. So she's very excited. But guess what? Marina asked Leon out. to date at the pool bar. Dun, dun, dun.
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Chapter 4: What challenges do the crew face with demanding guests?
Oh yeah, he's Australian now because they say, are you going to take her to Australia? And he says, maybe, yeah. I don't know why I thought for a second.
It still could have just been a general question. Like, are you as an English person going to go to Australia and will you bring Bree? We've had nothing to do with this background.
So his clothes are shrinking. He's complaining to Lara that his clothes are shrinking or he's getting taller. And he's like, I'm not getting taller, I reckon. So now they're cleaning and prepping for the charter and stuff. And Vihan has decided that he's in love with Adair now. So he's like, he, he, he, is everything good here? And she's like, yeah, this hot to have him kiss my rusty dusty.
She's so hot.
So interesting.
So interesting. So Zarina's talking to Lara and asking how she slept, you know. And Zarina's like, I just don't really want to be in that energy in the crew area. So I thought about it's time to go to bed. I don't want to be around short, muscly men who want to stick their dicks into other people who rhyme with my name. So Lara's like, yes, I was a bit shocked. Shocked and also instantly bored.
And Zarina's like, yes, I think shocked is a good word. I mean, did she ask him out? Yes, she did.
And she's like, well, I mean, you know, I don't think it's his fault at all. Is it? I mean, I feel like it's girl code, you know, it's just girl code. So fucking far out the window. Okay. You don't get to just claim somebody and making out and a truth or dare is not real making out. You know what I mean?
Like you can't claim somebody after a truth or dare make out that could have been to anybody, you know? And so Laura lets us know some Serena history, some Serena lore. She's like, Yeah, to me, Serena is just trying to find a gentle way. Desperate, completely desperate. You know, on the last boat that we worked at, she liked a chunky person.
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Chapter 5: What is the role of a sous chef on Below Deck?
You're like at the crab's POV. And the cuttlefish comes forward and has this like, has this like fins out. And it's like an alien coming up. And you're just watching. And the cuttlefish gets closer and closer very slowly. And then just sticks out his tongue. And I was like, that's where Daryl Hannah learned it from the cuttlefish.
i think that that's so offensive to the cuttlefish you know who wants people taking pictures of what it looks like when you're about to eat them this would be mine ronnie coming in to take a bite of a kit kat it's like you should if you go to the new york times it's still up there just so you know I probably can't go look at it because I don't have a subscription to that.
Cause I'm a stupid person and I don't want to feel smart. Okay. People with your fucking wordle. Oh no, I can pull it up. It's letting me pull it up. What a crap sees before it gets eaten by a cuttlefish. Oh my God. And it's like a 3d rendering. Who did they even assign to this? Mateo Stanton. Mateo Stanton has some time on his hands.
sometimes this cuttlefish that's just it's so benign looking and so gentle and then all of a sudden here comes his tongue boom pork wrapped and that's it you just see a flash of the tongue and then that's it right yeah i'm gonna see if i can share this because this is crazy it's a crazy thing right it's a crazy thing oh no i tried to click on it and it says creative creative can encounter long in no
I have it, but my Chrome isn't letting me share my screen, which is really sad.
Oh, gosh, you're right. This news is fucking depressing. Listen, are the White Lotus brothers going to fuck or not? That's all I need to know from you. I know. It's literally all I want to know. Who wins the traders and are the brothers on White Lotus going to fuck? That's the news, period. I don't want you do that for me. I will subscribe to your ass and not until then. Okay.
So, uh, everybody is getting ready for this charter and Lara is going to keep Bree on service and put Marina and housekeeping again, second time in a row. And she's like, it's because you smashed it in housekeeping last time. Note to anybody coming on this show, don't smash it in housekeeping. Okay. Or you're going to keep, keep getting put there. Okay.
Do a bad, bad job in housekeeping and then do a great job in service. Like, come on guys, this show has been on 19 years. You haven't figured it out.
Yeah, exactly. Thank you. So she is going to be there on service, etc. And then Vian is like, I think as a deck team, we're going to be extremely busy. So safety is our first priority and careful for your finger. We don't want to get that wet, which is a reminder to everyone. Harry was not safe. Sorry, Harry. Sorry to call you out on that. He's like, well, I'll do as much as I can.
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