Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Tue, 11 Feb 2025 09:05:00 GMT
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This week on Two Dykes and a Mic hosts McKenzie Goodwin and Rachel Scanlon have on Deison Afualo! They discuss a Muna cover band, Doechii in a jock, the gay Grammys, getting pampered as a queer person, needing gay friendships, queer awakenings on a rugby team, femme life, getting clocked in high school, a tootie Ask a Dyke, and so much more!Follow @DeisonAfualo @TwoDykesAndAMic @MckGoodwin @RachelScanlonComedyTOUR TICKETS ON SALE : TwoDykesAndAMic.comCardiff - 4/1Brighton - 4/2London - 4/4Madison, WI - 4/17Minneapolis, MN - 4/18Washington, DC - 4/19Denver, CO - 4/26St. Petersburg, FL - 5/10Atlanta, GA - 5/11St. Louis, MO - 5/17Chicago, IL - 5/18Seattle, WA - 5/30 & 5/31Portland, OR - 6/7Pittsburgh, PA - 6/12Brooklyn, NY - 6/13Boston, MA - 6/14Unlock Spotify https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/two-dykes-and-a-mic/subscribeJoin Patreon : https://www.patreon.com/TwoDykesAndAMicTickets to Rachel's solo stand up shows: https://www.rachelscanloncomedy.com/Want to hear yourself on the podcast? Leave us a voicemail at (818) 540-1487 or write us at [email protected]
Chapter 1: What exciting news do the hosts have for listeners?
We are the greatest dykes in the world. Mackenzie Goodwin. Rachel Scanlon. Worldwide dykes for life. Hey! Two dykes. Two dykes. Two dykes. One mic. One mic. One mic. One mic. Yeah. Two dykes. Two dykes. Who dykes? Who dykes? We dykes. We dykes. We dykes. Yeah.
ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to another episode of Two Dykes and a Mic. I'm Mackenzie Goodwin. And I'm Rachel Scanlon-Lee. Wow! Happy Tuesday, gay! You can't say gay. You can't say that. Hey. Hey.
Nice try. Nice try. You call me the F slur. Nice try, F slur. You're not allowed to say that. I missed you. I missed you. I'm happy that we're here. I'm happy that you're here. And we have an amazing guest today on the pod. True. This episode rocks, but we do have something pretty exciting to announce as well. We are no longer going to be a podcast. No, dude. Don't tease them.
He was saying we have something really exciting. We are now doing poetry exclusively. We're turning this little dog and pony show. Into a band. Into a band. It's called Nuna. What did you say? Nuna. It's called Tuna. There's two Munas and we love fish. Hi, we're a band called Tuna. I'm so in. I'm not even kidding. No, I know.
Tuna is funny. A cover band. Sorry, a tribute band. Of Muna, but there's just two of us. We do all of them. Don't say a tribute. It's a tribute band, Tuna. I mean, tribute band is when they pass, right? I don't know. I thought it just meant we would dress up like them. Tuna's hysterical. It's really good, dude. It's us. All of them. Somehow. There's a way. Technology can, AI, et cetera.
We'll have one of the holograms. Okay.
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Chapter 2: What is the concept behind the Tuna cover band?
I was trying to think of a fish pun for silk chiffon, and it just didn't come to me. It's milk chiffon. Obviously. As the cover. Yeah, it's good. Fine. All right. All right. Can we tell them what's happening around? I won't. My job is to fuck around with my friend. Yes. I love you. You look gorgeous when you wear blue. We are too. Your eyes pop.
Thank you. Your eyes pop. I miss you. I obviously like your whole outfit. We talked about it in the car. You picked me up. I look like John the Baptist, but I hobbled to your car. Nearly fell. You look good. Something about me, a full grown man in a blouse is doing what I want it to do for my whole vibe. I know.
I'm into it. Okay. Okay. But for real, we have very exciting news. Ray and I are going on a spring tour. It's rat. Sorry. You bitch. Can I tell them what you told me in the hallway earlier? What'd I say? Oh, no. We'll do it on a private. Okay, fine. Sorry, it was about tuna in a cover band. We're going on a tour. Yes.
and it's two dykes and a mic going hog wild yeah uh we are hitting so many cities will you tell us some of the cities that we're hitting yeah wait it's called going hog wild and our promo is on a motorcycle we had to rent a motorcycle from a stranger on craigslist it did come with a man yeah honestly that guy was fine no he was chill yeah he was chill but i want to drop these cities and then i want to tell a little bit about the photo shoot so we're going to be in cardiff on four one what month is four
April. April. That took me way too long. April Fool's. April Fool's in Cardiff. So we're kicking off our tour on April Fool's Day. And that was intentional. We didn't just think of that right now. That's my comedy anniversary. Wow.
Is that your 12 or 11? I thought it's your 36. It's my 36, kid. I taught Joan Rivers everything that bitch knows. Phyllis Diller was my baby. Finish the dates. Phyllis Dillard was my baby? Okay, we go out. Stop. We start the tour. We go out as Tuna. Here's the thing. I unfortunately am so into Tuna, I don't even want to go hog wild anymore.
I know, because we go out as Tuna, the band, Tuna, and we play like, all the things you said, all the things you said, running through my head, running through my head. And then we do a podcast. I'm not opposed to this. Okay. Do you want to open the show as Tuna? Don't play. Okay. It's Going Hog Wild featuring Tuna.
Wait, they're like what cities? Okay, can I say some cities? April 1st, we're going to be in Cardiff. April 2nd, Brighton. No, it's just Brighton. Okay, yeah, I got it. I got it, I got it, I got it.
april 4th london april 17th we're in madison madtown badger shout out april 18th minneapolis my hometown april 19th washington dc april shout out riley yeah right dog right dog april 26th we're in denver may 10th st pete florida i love st pete oh my god our st pete shows rock we almost called my dad live in st pete that's true oh i can't wait May 11th, we'll be in Atlanta, Georgia. May 17th, St.
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Chapter 3: How do the hosts feel about the recent Grammy awards?
Somebody at one point, maybe it was the motorcycle owner. We were sissing on it. He was like, oh, don't you want, pointing to me, don't you want to be in the back for a couple shots? And we were like, no, there's no point. What are you talking about? I would be the laughing stock. Of the world. You would be.
Did you ever see the music video with Kanye and Kim? Of course, of course. Bound. Yeah, Bound 2, I believe. Bound 2. Sorry. The sequel. Yeah. The squeakle. And I, we were giving Bound because you were facing me for most of it. And we really were bouncing on it. It was so cool. We had a lot of fun that day. I would do that any day with you. Buy me a hug. I would love to.
We are going hog wild on this.
Yeah. It's going to, I think I'm starting to reach. A new level of unhinged. Oh, I have. And bringing that energy to our tour is going to be to be with all you guys, all the dykes and all the Cheyennes out there. Yeah. Like all the sharks. It is some of the most fun. Like performing live is literally my most favorite thing. And when you and I are on the road together, it's hog wild.
No.
Do you know how many? Not a lot, but I have signed a lot of pecs. No, I know. It actually is per capita a lot. Yeah. People used to show us their tits. Now they're like, check out this top surgery scar. And I'm like, fuck. It's so much better. Rock on. 100%. Okay, what else did we want to talk about?
Well, we do have a guest, but I feel like, can we settle in for a second? Because the Grammys were unbelievably gay. The Grammys were so gay. Let's talk Dochi. Let's talk Dochi. Can I? I cried, by the way. I bawled my eyes out when she was like, there's only been two women. And then she went...
three I was crying any win there's certain like queer performers that like are on the rise right now that when they are winning it just feels like we're all winning we're all winning no 100% we won that whole award show first off the fact that and no shade no shade no shade lover
The fact that Taylor Swift won nothing. Kind of fun. Meant a lot to me. Sorry. Meant a lot to me as a blonde gay woman. I finally started to be like, oh, we're doing better now. We're here. Yeah. It rocked to see Dochi win. Dochi and a jock. Can we have a moment of silence for Dochi and a jock? When they ripped off her clothes. Oh, my God. And she was on those treadmills in just that. Oh, my God.
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Chapter 4: What are the upcoming tour dates and locations?
Kristen. Everything about this award show was queer and fun. Yeah. I really, really liked when Queen Latifah was honoring Alicia Keys. Queen Latifah, and I'm so serious when I tell you that I had a visceral reaction to to seeing her take the stage. Can I be honest?
I think Queen Latifah is the sexiest woman alive, full stop. I don't think that there is another woman who has the essence of Queen Latifah. Her cape thing? Her smile. She's so hot. It fucking hurt me. So sexy. I was like shaking. No, I know. And it's like she you can tell that she would protect you. Yeah. Respect you. Yeah. And then disrespect. And then disrespect you. She's.
Yeah. Unbelievable. Let's Leah, please put up the convo that Rachel and I had about Queen Latifah. Yeah. And Alicia Keys.
Yeah. I'll send you a lot of stuff, Leah. Anyways, all to say, this Grammys was unbelievably queer. Yeah, it was cool. It was unreal. I had a really fun time live watching it with you. I know, same. Also, a lot of Shakira. A lot of Shakira. What were your thoughts on the Beyonce winning album of the year? I felt proud. I felt like the earth is healing. Yeah.
I wished her acceptance speech was a little longer. I know. She didn't talk as much as I wanted. I was hoping for like a, fuck you. I know that's not her style. I know, but I wish she was petty. I wish she was petty because she deserves to be. And that's the thing is a lot of...
people in her position i have to rise i'm so sick of it i'm sick of queer people and women and black women rising above and taking the high road i don't want to be petty as fuck get down in the mud no i know when they go low go low go low kick them in the teeth sorry sorry but like please i'm sick of the academy different types of academies not recognizing black women yeah
or queer women or black queer women. I'm sick of that. And then you have to be like, thank you so much. What would have been way more fun is if Beyonce went up to get the award and then dropped it and said, I don't even want it. Fuck you. Yeah. And that's what I was hoping for. She's Beyonce. She's going to be so classy. But I was very happy that she won.
Me too. Yeah, that rocked. It was awesome. It was a fun time. I was so glad that I was around cable. I will say this too long. It was too long. I could have gone longer.
Four hours is too long. I did miss half of it. That's longer than a football game. It was incredible. I could have watched Lincoln the movie one and a half times. I wish that Bruno would have done Fat, Juicy, and Wet. What were your thoughts on Benny Blanco doing that flip off that piano? And I know it's not Benny Blanco, but it's... And it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.
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Chapter 5: What unique aspects will the tour feature?
That's allied to the max. Yeah. Yes. What were your thoughts? I didn't see it, but I'm sure I would have liked it. I think, unfortunately, that man and I have a very similar gender expression. You do. We have an amazing... Wait! Wait. We were going to talk fat, juicy, and wet. But we will on the next episode. We will. We will on the next episode.
And also, I have cities that I want to drop because they're coming up very soon. I just got back. I was sold out in Brooklyn and Philadelphia. Truly some of the best shows that I've ever had in my life. And I just wanted to shout out these other cities that are coming up, I believe, this week. I'm going to be in Sacramento on February 19th, San Francisco, February 20th.
And then Salt Lake City on March 6th. Boise, which I've added a second show to on the 7th. You guys, go get that Boise second show. Yes. And then Toronto on the 14th or the 15th. I'm there for the weekend. The first two shows are both sold out. And then Buffalo, New York on March 16th. Vancouver on March 22nd. I added an early show. The second one's already sold out.
And then Edmonton is also about to sell out.
edmonton yeah at the mall no i remember do you know the mall the pirate ship one dude tell me why it's almost sold out got covid there yes remember yes oh my god i worked out at the gym there i had just gotten married and we flew to edmonton that was really rough yeah anyways i'll be there and it's almost sold out so make sure you come see it these um these stand-up shows have been literally healing me and it's been
Yeah, it's been like the best. So I'll see you guys there. And now on the next episode, we will talk about Fat, Juicy, and Wet. And at that point, if you guys don't want to hear it, I don't care. I still need to. We'll talk about it. Okay. Now make it loud. Put your ears together for Dason Afualo. Thank you so much for being here, Dason.
Thank you for having me. You're very excited.
This is a very exciting time for us. I've been listening to two idiot girls. I've been watching you all over my feed. And now to see you in front of my face.
Well, okay. So I've actually, I haven't, this is the first time we're meeting meeting, but I like met you in passing before, like outside of the studios one time. Oh, yes. I was with my sister and we were here cause she was guesting on one of our friends podcast. Her name's Avery Woods. She's super sweet. And so, um, yeah, you guys met my sister and you guys went inside.
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Chapter 6: How do queer friendships impact personal identity?
But like, it's like in a cool way. Yeah, I feel that. Yeah.
As long as they don't say it at us. I don't want to hear the slur pointed at us. And I do. And this is where we always differ. We always differ because I feel like Mackenzie's like, you got to watch it. And I'm always like, or what if my dentist called me a dyke? I don't know. I don't like it.
But I'm down.
You're also okay with it?
No, I don't want other people calling me a dyke. I like to call other dykes dykes. That's different. For sure. I feel that, yeah. I noticed your dyke ring. Oh, yeah. What's her name? Did you guys watch I Kissed a Girl? Yeah. Yes. So Amy, in the show, she makes these rings. Yes. And then I got them on one of the drops and I was so excited about it.
it oh my god it's beautiful it's really really good i miss amy i miss that show you said her name and i was like i just saw every image of her flood back into my mind we need more reality with queer women yeah i agree especially because i loved love island like the uk version i haven't watched in a while but that like during quarantine that was like my
So watching a lesbian version of it, I was like, oh, it's so much faster because they're lesbians, which I appreciate.
Yeah, they burn through quicker, which is great to me.
I'm over it. But then they're both amicable. I get it, honestly. Whereas in Love Island, they're like, he literally said he loved me yesterday. And then I'm crying too, I feel for her. But when they're lesbians, I'm like, no, that makes sense. I would do that too. Are you watching The Big Brother, Italy?
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Chapter 7: What experiences shape queer awakenings on a rugby team?
Chapter 8: What is the significance of labels in the queer community?
Yeah. It's just these two. You figure it out. Yeah. Whatever. I'm free. You know what I mean? I want different options. So I think that that's very fun. Here's my question. When you go to the manicure and the nail salon, do they,
do they give you like a a discount a like a knowing look well the girl i've been going to i've been going to for almost three years so like i have she knows i'm a lesbian so i told her like one day i'll probably get two short ones and she's like okay like doesn't care i'm like okay so then when i asked her she's like okay and then she started doing it so i love it's really nice yeah and then she'll post like videos no still full price when she posts like videos of my nails um she's like people message her and be like why are those too short and she's like don't worry about it's in your business yes ally
ally wow i feel like sometimes it's nice when you have a rapport with the person that is like giving you these services because i feel like i would go to like strangers all the time no i feel that yeah and then when you go to strangers who are also fully straight they're like that's like i'll pull up my i'll they'll see my full leg hair for a pedicure and they're like
yeah they're like wow yeah mine is I'll sit down they go do you want me to do your eyebrows too and I go no and they're like upper lip I go no are you sure and I go no I'm good thank you no I'm good my whole life they've done that to me my mom and I laugh because I know like they'll circle my chair like I know they're gonna ask me every time
Because where I get my hands done is a different person for where I go to pedicures and stuff.
That is unacceptable.
My whole life. So that's why I'm used to it.
You can't ask people what they want. Oh, my God. Not the upper lip. Yeah. That's horrifying. I feel like that's such an L.A. thing, too, as well. Because you'll be at the dentist in Los Angeles, and they'll be like, would you like lipo while you're here?
Do you want to look at our laser hair removal packages? Right.
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