This week on Two Dykes and a Mic hosts McKenzie Goodwin and Rachel Scanlon discuss book fairs, JoJo taking a lover, redemption for Monk, Ray's wedding, Kenz starting a grind train, is lesbianism contagious, honeymoon vibes, Charlie horses at weird times, an Ask a Dyke, growing attraction, Lindsey Lohan Christmas and so much more! Follow @TwoDykesAndAMic @RachelScanlonComedy @MckGoodwin Tello Films https://www.tellofilms.com/ TOUR TICKETS ON SALE : TwoDykesAndAMic.com Cardiff - 4/1 Brighton - 4/2 London - 4/4 Unlock Spotify https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/two-dykes-and-a-mic/subscribe Join Patreon : https://www.patreon.com/TwoDykesAndAMic Tickets to Rachel's solo stand up shows: https://www.rachelscanloncomedy.com/ Want to hear yourself on the podcast? Leave us a voicemail at (818) 540-1487 or write us at [email protected]
Chapter 1: Who are the hosts of Two Dykes and a Mic?
We are the greatest dykes in the world. Mackenzie Goodwin. Rachel Scanlon. Worldwide dykes for life. Hey! Two dykes, two dykes, two dykes. One mic, one mic, one mic, one mic. Yeah. Two dykes, two dykes. Who dykes, who dykes? We dykes, we dykes, we dykes. Yeah.
And then we- Oh, cute! Oh my god! Am I flat? Yeah, you look good. Oh my god! Oh my god, I knew I liked this fucking shirt, dude. I look like a hot trans lifeguard. Lifeguard! Who's drowning? Whose daughter's drowning? You know what I mean? Do you say drowning or drown-ding? Where are you at with it? Drowning. No D? No D. There's no D when you spell it. Well, I don't know how to spell it.
I was spelling marshmallow the other day. I was like, are you fucking serious with this A? In the marsh? Aloe. Did you know that? There's no way. No, it's out there like just trying to embarrass me in front of my wife and I'm not having it.
That's how I feel about the word Wednesday. Or the word restaurant. You are never going to catch me spelling the word restaurant.
I can't spell definitely. I can't spell restaurant.
It's always defiantly.
I'll defiantly be there. Same. I always like, oh, for sure, for sure, for sure. People are like, why are you so for sure? And I'm like, because I can't spell definitely get off my case. It's called a learning disability. I went to a different college fair. Look it up.
I miss college fair. College fair was fun. It felt like you were speed dating with your parents. Oh, I love speed dating with my parents. Yeah, same. There's nothing better.
We should go to a college fair together. I would love to do that with you. There's also nothing better than, if I may throw it all the way back, hashtag Captain Underpants, hashtag Anamorphics, Scholastic Book Fair. The best. I'm sorry. Dude. That, if they did a pop-up now for adults that was a Scholastic Book Fair, do you know how much puss we would get?
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Chapter 5: How do book fairs relate to queer experiences?
I want to hear about your wedding. Okay.
Your wedding and your honeymoon.
Yes. The wedding also we have talked about on our live episodes, which by the way, if you're a middle tier patron, every month we do live episodes. Where we get into it. It is exciting. You're definitely going to want to be there. Yeah. Things happen. Things get juicy. So I've talked about my wedding with that, which I just do want to say because I think I've talked so much about it leading up.
that it was so, like, uncomically beautiful that, like... Nothing went wrong. I honestly even thought, like, as a comedian, I was like, I... Leading up to the wedding, I've had a lot of wedding material because there's so much anxiety behind... Blending our families, people that are not supportive. So much happens. A lot happens. And then when the day came.
It was just beautiful.
I mean, I was wearing a cape made out of my mom's dress. I'm wearing Gucci loafers. These are my wedding shoes. These like Gucci loafers. And it just it came together so beautifully. And I it's so weird being sober. And being a butch bride, a girl husband, a boy bride, if you will, which I do think. What are you laughing at? No, no, I love it. I was imagining you in a dress again. Sorry.
Yeah, it's very fun to do. Everyone had like... It was such a beautiful time, but so weird, my favorite part. A lot of people are like, what was your favorite part of the day? What was the best part? And I'm like, the vows. Yeah. You guys did such beautiful vows. Unbelievably sentimental in a way that is like... Because typically it would be like dancing.
But that's what I'm saying. Yeah, your wedding was very... It was just touching and beautiful and perfect. Nothing... It's like... I know. Nothing happened crazy that it's like, you guys aren't going to fucking believe this. It was just it went off without a hitch.
It went and it was really well planned. So by the time you get to it, it's like I'm sorry. I hope you guys can hear that. It's Mackenzie's Tangerine LaCroix. By the time the wedding was happening, I was so focused on because I hear so many. I hear so many people who get married be like, it just goes so fast that you don't enjoy it.
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Chapter 6: What is the latest movie getting Oscar buzz?
Shrek's already musical, you sick fuck.
This is where we break up.
I'll say this about El. And here's what I'll say. And I'll say this. I cannot look at a brunette. Who's a brunette in there? What? Zooey Deschanel. I forgot she's even in it. Zooey Deschanel as a brunette brings me fear.
Here's the thing.
Zooey Deschanel.
Or no, I'm sorry. As a blonde. She's a blonde, yeah. There's something about Zoe. She came in and really fucked up the early mid-2000s. She came in like a banshee. She did. She was like, also I sing. Also I'm in a band. Also I'm in New Girl. Also I'm in Elf. She was everywhere.
She was everywhere.
500 Days of Summer. We couldn't get enough of her. We go, bangs, bangs, bangs. More Deschanel. More. More. I have to say. Yeah. Please. I'm happy that era of woman is gone. No shade to Zooey Deschanel, but the era of long necklaces, tiny guitars. I'm upset. You're talking to ukulele. Bangs and flats.
I'm upset. No, I'm happy it's gone. I'm happy. I'm upset. I can smell the flats from here. I am sick of it. Flats was a bad era. It's because in my high school, every short, banged, they all wanted to be Zoey Dish. Little freak would walk to school in flats, walk through the snow, okay, which is wet. Also your arches.
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