Welcome back to The Viall Files: Going Deeper edition. It’s been 4 months since Kathy Hilton’s Christmas Party and James Kennedy’s arrest… Ally Lewber joins to share her side of the story. From the night in question, to phone calls from Lisa Vanderpump… Ally addresses it all. Plus, Nick and Natalie receive a reading of their birth charts from Ally herself. You’ll want to listen! “Do you think James asked her to make that call?" Listen To Ally’s Podcast StarStruck! Listen on Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/starstruck-with-ally-lewber/id1782021053 Watch on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@Starstruck_Podcast Listen to Humble Brag with Cynthia Bailey and Crystal Kung Minkoff! Listen on Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/humble-brag-with-crystal-and-cynthia/id1774286896 Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@humblebragpod Listen To Disrespectfully now! Listen on Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/disrespectfully/id1516710301 Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCh8MqSsiGkfJcWhkan0D0w Start your 7 Day Free Trial of Viall Files + here: https://viallfiles.supportingcast.fm/ To Order Nick’s Book Go To: http://www.viallfiles.com Are you struggling with any sort of dating, relationship, or life dilemma? Do you want all the answers? Email asknick@theviallfiles.com with your question in the subject line to express interest in appearing on the show! To advertise on this podcast please email: ad-sales@libsyn.com or go to: https://advertising.libsyn.com/theviallfiles Thank You to Our Sponsors: Quince - For your next trip, treat yourself to the luxe upgrades you deserve from Quince. Go to https://quince.com/viall for 365 day returns, plus free shipping on your order. OpenPhone - Streamline and scale your customer communications with OpenPhone. Get 20% off your first 6 months at www.openphone.com/viall Thrive Market - Go to https://thrivemarket.com/viall for thirty percent off your first order, plus a FREE $60 gift! Timestamps: (00:01) - Intro (04:02) - Talking About That Night (20:54) - Learning and Looking Forward (26:25) - DJing and Accountability (32:11) - Defending Bad Behavior (38:29) - Lisa Vanderpump (50:54) - New Show and Astrology (01:19:49) - Processing and The Future (01:30:45) - Outro Episode Socials: @viallfiles @nickviall @nnataliejjoy @allylewber @ciaracrobinson @justinkaphillips @leahgsilberstein @dereklanerussell
Chapter 1: What happened at Kathy Hilton's Christmas party?
Thank you. Hi, guys. We're so excited. It's been such a long time coming. I know. We're so happy to finally have you.
I miss you. Thank you. It was a long time coming. We've talked a lot about you coming on the show. Yeah. We just obviously thought it would be in different context than when we are here today.
I thought there'd maybe be someone else next to me. Yeah. Yeah.
He didn't seem to write that down. No, no, no. Yeah.
He definitely, he's not a podcast person. Yeah. I don't think it would have happened to be honest.
Well, thank God for us.
So here we are.
So here we are.
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Chapter 2: How did Ally Lewber and James Kennedy's relationship evolve?
I always kind of took, I mean, listen, I get podcasting in general can be a little nerve wracking. It is a long form, you know, and things like that. But I always sometimes my spidey senses sometimes go up a little bit when people really seem to be afraid of having like a conversation about like themselves or their lives and things like that. And I always kind of got that sense from James.
Yeah.
that there was a reason why he didn't really want to come on and do a podcast. It wasn't like a desire to not have attention or anything like that or notoriety. It just seemed like maybe he didn't want to...
I know he would always say like, well, I don't really want like if we're not filming, why would I I don't really want to go and like talk about everyone or like have to keep all the drama going. So like that was always what he would say. But yeah, I just think that I don't know, maybe podcasting. It just yeah, he wouldn't be very comfortable doing it.
Well, we are excited to have you. Thank you. And excited to talk about everything that is you and get to know you, obviously, because, you know, like, I think a lot of times people know you as James' girlfriend.
People know me as Nick Biles' wife, you know?
And obviously there's a lot more to you.
You know, there's a lot more to you than obviously that. But I think we've always been very interested in getting to know you, especially even on the show. On the show, you kind of presented as this kind of very demure, very sweet person. Thank you.
Gorgeous, funny, silly.
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Chapter 3: What were the challenges in Ally and James' relationship?
Which one?
No, I don't want to know.
I'll ask you about it later. But yeah, so it did seem like James had started to make some progress. And the last time we saw you was that night. And I remember having a conversation with James, really just about like, man, it was like almost like, you know, I didn't know you then. I've certainly heard things about your reputation, but you really seemed like you had made some progress.
And I kind of always attributed that progress a lot to you.
Oh, well, thank you. Yeah, I know. It's difficult. I feel like a lot of people say that. And it's sweet. I do think that we both brought out the best in each other, obviously, at times. He really helped me feel like confident and he really believed in me and helped me like, you know. honestly pursue astrology and like kind of just, he's such a dreamer, you know?
That was like one of the things that really drew me to him in the beginning. But yeah, it was crazy, right? Like, I mean, he was really at the top of his game. Like he was really the DJ residency. Like everything was going so well. Vanderpump was over, but somehow he was ending on a high note. Yeah.
Yeah. Which was hard to do. Right.
Yeah. It was such a good, we were, yeah. And then everything. Yeah.
Yeah. So how do you, what's your comfort level? Obviously we want to talk about that night and get a little glimpse into that relationship, but like, do you want to warm up into it? Do you want to get right into it and then, and then push it away and then forget about it?
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Chapter 4: How did Ally Lewber handle the public fallout?
honestly, like not physically, but verbal, manic, like just really, really loud and like intense and just like sporadic behavior where it's like, you don't really know what this person is capable of or going to do. It's not necessarily like
a safe feeling but that's again like that's just why with that relationship like looking back now like just the eggshell like walking on eggshells in that relationship because you never know what's gonna trigger him that was like the hardest part Which now that I'm like out of that relationship, I'm like, oh, this is what it's like to have like a normal.
Yeah. My nervous system is like regulated. I'm like, oh. Was there part of you that maybe it was that night, maybe it was throughout the relationship that ever felt a feeling of being scared?
Yeah, I think that I don't know if I like felt scared to the point where I felt like he was like I was unsafe. Yeah. But to the point where I'm like, this isn't, I don't know. I feel like sometimes, like in the moment at least, I thought that I could like regulate him or control him or like help calm him down.
So I felt like I kind of took on that role of like, it's okay, like calm down, like everything will be all right. And that's not healthy, I don't think. You shouldn't have to like regulate someone, right?
No, you shouldn't.
Yeah.
You know, it's so tough in relationships. I think all of us, you know, if you have a past with relationships, you've had your heart broken, if you've been in long-term relationships, whether it's, you know, maybe something as toxic as, you know, maybe the behavior James has displayed or whatever, you know, like we, we've all been in relationships where, you know, we accept people for who they are.
You know, we, We realize no one's perfect. We know we're not perfect. So we get into a relationship and there's always this like, I'm not asking you to be perfect because you're not perfect. And I can help you and we want to help each other. And then we kind of maybe learn a little bit more about our partners. And then there's that tough mental gymnastics of being like, wait, is this?
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Chapter 5: What role did astrology play in Ally's decisions?
You always think that I'm drunk when it was you. You're drinking. Kind of like gaslighting in a way.
Was there ever a part of you that when he was away... And you weren't with him and he was DJing and y'all would FaceTime and you would realize that he was drunk. Was there ever a part of you that was a little grateful you weren't with him? Ooh.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. But I also never actually thought he was drinking. I would like he was really good at like, yeah, like I'd be like, oh, of course you're not drunk. I'm so sorry. Like, that's so fucked up of me to think that. So then like looking back and after all of this, I'd be like, OK, Halloween, when we went to Sir, were you drinking? He's like, yeah.
It's like, OK, it's like I was going back to these dates and kind of asking. And I'm not even mad at him for that. It sucks. Like, you know what I mean? It's he wishes that we were still together. He wishes I'm sure that he didn't do all of that. You know what I mean? It's like I don't blame him. I'm not mad at him. It's just the way that it has to be now.
Yeah. Obviously, you mentioned that night you weren't hurt. He didn't pick you up and throw you. Right. But like I said before, you know, and then when that all came out, I remember almost feeling kind of foolish, like not knowing what the truth is. You know, we saw the police reports.
I had a little bit of guilt because I felt like I had, you know, pumped up James and I had talked about on this show about like, man, he's really turned a corner, you know, like watching old episodes. Yeah. Like, sure. He's done some things and he said some things, but I see the growth, you know, you want to, you want to,
recognize that a little bit and then you we saw the police report yeah and then you know Kristen spoken up more at that point I had heard some comments from Raquel and quite honestly looked the other way I suppose because of her reputation and what seemed to be her propensity for not telling the truth yeah
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Chapter 6: How does Ally Lewber view her future after the breakup?
But it's much more difficult when you're in that situation to see it the way, you know, with an unbiased, you know, like how I might see it if I was like watching a conversation or a fight between the two of you. What have you learned about yourself specifically around selecting your next partner?
Um, and, and maybe just certain behaviors, like you talked about non-negotiables, have your non-negotiables changed in terms of, um, yeah, accepting certain behaviors and finding that balance between, yeah, like I want to help you, but like, I can't, I can't look the other way with X, Y, or Z.
I think, too, of like the feeling of love, like when you're in it and like not saying that he was love bombing me because his actions always followed. And like, you know, we were in love, but it happened so quickly. Like we moved in together right away. We were like going to Tulum like the second week of knowing each other. That's crazy. Like I'm a Capricorn. Like I wouldn't do that usually.
I thought I was crazy. But there's this, you know, when you're in love, you're like, okay, I'm just going to ride the wave. Like this feels right. This feels so fun. But I think now being on the other side of it, like having just a healthier kind of view of like the way that love should escalate and how it should play out. It doesn't need to feel like so cosmic.
I think a lot of people in your shoes, especially people who have or are in relationships with addicts or people who abuse substances, the challenge obviously for them is hope in the sense, because if you can, and I, not from an alcoholic standpoint, but like for different, you know, For me, it was like if in relationships, if I can identify a problem, then I can fix the problem, right?
So whether the problem's me, whether the problem's a partner, whether the problem's us, it was like, I just have to find a problem and I can fix the problem. And I feel like with people who suffer from substance abuse, for the partners, there's always hope because there's always a chance that this big problem that seems to be the center of all the problems could get fixed. Yep.
Now that James is seemingly back in recovery, seemingly sober, and seemingly doing the work, do you feel like you're at risk of one day him knocking on your door and claiming he's a new changed man who's been sober for a period of time, but this time it really has stuck? And it would be, you know, it would, it would, it would be hard for anyone who, who loved that person to see.
And especially like the last thing we want, like to find that the person you loved and you accepted them at their worst has now, I know is now better and you don't get to enjoy the better, you know, it's like that, those, that mental fuck up, you know, like how, so how do you deal with that or that potential? And have you thought about that?
It's so funny you say that because I remember also when we started dating like talking to Raquel and being like thank you because like I'm sorry that you didn't get this version but like thank you for helping him like it's kind of weird how just I don't know the pattern you know I honestly do have so much love for James. That I want him to genuinely heal and get better.
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