Welcome back to another episode of The Viall Files: Ask Nick Edition! Our first caller is wondering if she should continue to date a married man. Our second caller is debating breaking up with the man she wants to marry. And, our third caller is struggling to figure out how to date as a 24 year old that’s never been in a relationship. “Sometimes saying the right thing is the wrong thing." Listen to Humble Brag with Cynthia Bailey and Crystal Kung Minkoff every Monday starting October 21st! Available wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@humblebragpod https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/humble-brag-with-crystal-and-cynthia/id1774286896 https://open.spotify.com/show/4NWA8LBk15l2u5tNQqDcOO?si=c03a23d537f94735 Start your 7 Day Free Trial of Viall Files + here: https://viallfiles.supportingcast.fm/ Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to asknick@theviallfiles.com to be a part of our Monday episodes. To Order Nick’s Book Go To: https://www.viallfiles.com If you would like to get some texting advice, send an email to asknick@theviallfiles.com with “Texting Office Hours” in the subject line! To advertise on this podcast please email: ad-sales@libsyn.com or go to: https://advertising.libsyn.com/theviallfiles THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS: Bombas - Bombas is going international! Enjoy worldwide shipping to over two hundred countries. Head over to https://bombas.com/viall and use code viall for twenty percent off your first purchase. Caraway - We did the math and there is no better time to make the healthy swap to Caraway. Our favorite cookware set will save you $150 versus buying the items individually. Plus, if you visit https://carawayhome.com/viall10 you can take an additional 10% off your next purchase. Helix Sleep - Go to https://helixsleep.com/viall for the Sleep Awareness Month Flash Sale to get 25% Off Sitewide Smalls - Give your cat the food they deserve. Head to https://smalls.com and use promo code VIALL at checkout for 50% off your first order PLUS free shipping! goPure - For a limited time, our listeners get 25% off goPure with code VIALL at checkout. Just head to https://gopurebeauty.com/VIALL, use code VIALL, and you’re all set. True Classic - Level up your style with clothes that actually fit right. Just go to our exclusive link at https://trueclassic.com/VIALL to save. Timestamps: (00:00) - Intro (00:13) - Caller One (38:39) - Caller Two (01:25:59) - Caller Three Episode Socials: @viallfiles @nickviall @justinkaphillips @dereklanerussell
Chapter 1: Should you date a married man?
uh my name is taylor i am 37 and my question is should i date a married man how married is this man not very okay um separated They are separated.
Okay.
They've been separated for about two years.
You're not a secret.
No. Well, no, I just, it's very new. So I don't know necessarily that I am known either.
So what is, what is your understanding of the dynamic that you have?
My understanding is simply they, I will have to dig deeper, but currently when they separated, she decided to date women. So she is in a relationship with a woman.
Okay.
And they don't live together or anything. He hasn't lived with her for like two years. But they do have, but they're not divorced. And he says it's for tax reasons. And then they also have like a house that they've bought together, like another house that they bought as a couple with another couple. So there's some entanglements there. He really likes his contracts with people.
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Chapter 2: How to assess relationship red flags?
But honestly, when you really look at it pragmatically, sometimes saying the right thing is the wrong thing because saying the right thing is saying something that we don't really mean, we don't really believe in, but we're doing it or saying it because we want to make a good impression. We want to be accepted. We want to be liked.
And then, you know, that's why people call it the honeymoon phase or when they say you go on a first date and people don't really meet you, they meet your representative, you know, and then all of a sudden, you know, you're six to 12 months into a relationship and you're like, you're kind of different.
The more yourself you can be and be comfortable with being rejected early on because you are willing to be yourself. You know, it might take a couple blows of the eagle. It might be a little like, you know, you might feel some fatigue at time because rejection can always be hard.
Do you want to date someone for five and a half years again only to have to break up with them because ultimately you're going to end up not giving you what you wanted? You know what I'm saying? But that's how you get yourself in situations like that. So you need to change. as well, it's not just about finding someone else.
It's about you recognizing how did I get to that point where it took me five and a half years and I had to make up this whole plan to exit the relationship. That's something you need to reflect on and that you need to change about yourself.
It's not about just finding someone different because the part of that that caused you to wait that long is the part of you that is maybe just not standing up for yourself as much as you should, not being confident in yourself to say, This is what I want. This is what I need. And if you're not able or willing to give to me, sad as that might make me feel, this isn't for me.
And you have to be willing for someone to meet your standards in dating too.
Yeah. And getting to the bottom of that before I'm very emotionally invested is also, I think, what you're trying to say too.
Yeah. It's just, you're definitely just kind of giving a general tone, which I think is very relatable for people that, you know, you don't want to step on their toes. You don't want to press. You don't want to be rude. You don't want to, you know, I don't want to ask questions that are, you know, but like, listen, you got to figure it out, you know, and we have...
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