Tim discusses the payoffs being offered by Delta to passengers of the Toronto crash, watches Elon Musk wield the ‘chainsaw for bureaucracy’, shares his thoughts on Hamas publicly parading the bodies of hostages, and pities Nicole Kidman. American Royalty Tour 🎟 https://punchup.live/TimDillon SPONSORS: Stash Got to https://get.stash.com/tim To Receive $25 towards your first stock purchase BlueChew Go To https://try.bluechew.com & Try BlueChew Free - just pay $5 shipping at checkout ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ Subscribe to the channel: https://www.youtube.com/@TimDillonShow?sub_confirmation=1 Instagram: https://instagram.com/timjdillon/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/TimJDillon Listen on Spotify! https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1woKiAazAKPWPkHjds?si=e8000ed157e441c8 Merch: https://store.timdilloncomedy.com/ For every $400,000 we gross in revenue, we are donating five dollars to end homelessness in Los Angeles. We are challenging other creators to do the same. #TimGivesBack
Chapter 1: What are Delta's payoffs for the Toronto crash incident?
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show. We are here every week for you, rain or shine, planes landing on their front or on their back. $30,000, by the way. That's what Delta, that's what the criminals at Delta think it's worth if you land upside down. Like Batman the Ride from Great Adventure.
If you remember that as a kid, I was in the commercial for Batman the Ride when I was like, I don't know, 11 or something. And I went on it like six times in a row. And it was great. And you would hang upside down. And that was fun. But you signed up for that. Show the people Batman the Ride. Remember that? That's when life was simple and good.
You would go to Six Flags, Great Adventure, and you'd go on Batman the Ride. That was your goal when you were 13 years old. Not to better understand Hitler, which is now what 13-year-olds are doing. But what was he like? Let's just go to Great Adventure. Stop talking about Hitler all the time. You're 14. But why did he do the things he did? Don't you ever wonder that? Enough!
Let's go on the scream machine. So Batman, the ride is, was a good ride. And my point is, if you're on a Delta flight, okay, and it lands upside down, you should get more than $30,000. You should get to fly free for the rest of your life on that shit airline, which is a shit airline, Delta. It is shit. By the way, like all American carriers, they're shit. And they treat you like garbage.
And they treat their employees like garbage and their employees in turn treat you like garbage. Everyone's treating everyone like garbage. And the only reason you tolerate being treated like garbage on an American carrier is because you look at the employees and they look like they're being tortured too. You go, well, they look horrible.
That woman has frazzled hair and she's old and she's limping down the aisle and she's a cunt, but you know what? You go, she's had a horrible life, so I'll tolerate her being a bitch to me because her life sucks. It is a terrible, terrible, terrible thing to travel in this country and you should get to fly free. Delta should go, we will... Give you a ticket.
You now, for the rest of your miserable lives, get to fly free on our shit airline that may or may not land, but you're in it for free. You don't have to pay to see a woman, a flight attendant with lupus, tell you that there's no more of the beef entree and you have to take the chicken bowl, whatever the fuck that is. So, I mean, let's get a nice video up of this accident.
$30,000.
And Delta goes, oh, we'll give it to you with no strings attached. You're damn right you will, you whore. It's 30 grand. It's nothing. I'm hanging from the ceiling of the plane because you flipped it over. $30,000 cannot do any. Now, I know I'm out of touch. Whatever. Don't comment. $30,000 is actually a good amount of money. No, it's not. Not when you're almost dead, you dummy.
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Chapter 2: Why does Tim Dillon criticize Delta's compensation?
Oh, boy. I just don't. I don't. This is not good. I got to be honest with you. I don't think this is good. This is not good. Sometimes the optics are the story, meaning what it appears becomes the reality. Whether it is or isn't the reality, it actually becomes the reality. And I just, I think they have to rein him in over there. He's having fun. Here's what I will say.
It is fun to be a billionaire and on ketamine and running around with a chainsaw. I would do it. I'm not above doing it. Do you understand? I'm not saying I'd make the cuts he's making. I don't know all of the cuts. Some of the cuts seem to make sense. Some of them don't. They're getting rid of a lot of IRS people. I do kind of agree with that.
Personally, I don't need everyone looking into where I am. Where am I? Who knows? Where do I live? Whose business is it of yours where I live? I live in a different realm. But I just think this insane, like... His appearance, which is, I guess, like the sunglasses and everything, kind of what I'm doing. I'm a comedian who has a podcast on the internet where I talk about things.
He is a special advisor to the president. I know that he's having fun with it, but there's got to be a way to present this where he seems less high. I've said that to my friends. I've been, can you just seem less high? I'm not saying don't be high. Some of my friends cannot function without drugs. I don't even want to be near them without drugs. I just mean be less high. Just be less high.
Not not high. Less high. Less high. There's a lot. Just don't, like, tweak out in front of people. I used to be really fucked up all the time. I would sit at my desk in the mortgage company, and I'd be coked out of my guts, and I'd be having drips, you know, and I would just be kind of like, ugh. And people would be like, hey, man, you're, like, really high.
And I think, I mean, just look at him there a little bit. He seems a little high. Just be a little less high. I'm just saying, walking out on stage with sunglasses and a chainsaw is a little bit of a tell. It's a little bit of a tell that you might be... And I've tried to get him on the show, and I'd have a convo with him. I don't think he'd do it.
I'd have a convo with him, and we'd be very respectful and just go, what's going on? You know what I mean? We could sit here in sunglasses... He gives me a chainsaw. We both have chainsaws. Maybe we'll do that. It's just we desperately need, I think, in this country at the moment, people that feel somewhat sober, right? That's all. That's all I'm saying.
Whether they are high on ideas or actual drugs, I don't know. But we need sobriety in this country. We need somebody who's sober. We need a dad to just go, hey, man, here's the reality. You're out of control right now. You're absolutely out of control. And we need that. But this is a dad who himself is a little out of control, I think.
I think you come home and you see dad with sunglasses and a chainsaw, and you go, my dad is going through something. Like, this is like a dad where you would tell your friends before you brought them into your house, my dad's going through something. We don't know what it is, but... He's going through something. But we need somebody who's sober. And Bannon made a good point.
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