The Mel Robbins Podcast
How to Create the Life You Want: Lessons From the #1 Happiness Researcher
Thu, 6 Feb 2025
This episode is your playbook for a happier, more fulfilling, and more meaningful life. Today, renowned researcher Dr. Judith Joseph, MD is here to share the simple, science-backed habits that will truly make your life better. She is here to share her groundbreaking research on this important subject and exactly what to do to feel more energized, excited, joyful, and present in your life again. Dr. Joseph is a double-board-certified psychiatrist who trained at and is affiliated with Columbia University and New York University. She is also a pioneering researcher and the founder and principal investigator of her research institute, Manhattan Behavioral Medicine.In this episode, she’s revealing—for the first time ever—her 5 V’s Framework, a groundbreaking research-backed approach from her Happiness Lab.If you’re ready to take control of your life, achieve your biggest goals, and create lasting happiness, this episode is for you. For more resources, click here for the podcast episode page. If you liked this episode, your next listen should be this one: What Makes a Good Life? Lessons From the Longest Study on HappinessGet a copy of Mel’s new book, The Let Them Theory here. Connect with Mel: Get Mel’s new book, The Let Them TheoryWatch the episodes on YouTubeFollow Mel on Instagram The Mel Robbins Podcast InstagramMel's TikTok Sign up for Mel’s personal letter Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to ad-free new episodes Disclaimer
Chapter 1: What are the five habits that can change your life?
Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. Today, you and I are going to step into the happiness lab with the remarkable Dr. Judith Joseph, and we're going to walk away with five small habits that will change your life. And this isn't just a promise, this is research from Dr. Judith's happiness lab.
Chapter 2: Who is Dr. Judith Joseph and what is her research focus?
Dr. Judith is one of the most renowned doctors and researchers practicing today. She is the founder and principal investigator at Manhattan Behavioral Medicine, where she and her team have conducted over 60 clinical research trials. And the most recent trial she's running, it's all about happiness. She has been studying what separates those of you who are flourishing
from those of you who feel stuck, overwhelmed, or exhausted. And lucky for you and me, I've enrolled us both into her research trial at the Happiness Lab. So we can get her strategies and actionable tools that based on research, elevate your mindset, and will give you the roadmap to making this your best year yet.
So are you ready to learn the five steps to being happy according to research and designing the life you want? I know I am. So let's do this. Hey, it's your friend Mel. I am so happy that you're here because I love the topic and I love who we're going to get to spend time with together. And you know who else I love spending time with together? You.
It's always an honor to be able to spend this time and learn with you and laugh with you. And if you're brand new, I just want to welcome you to the Mel Robbins Podcast family. You have picked one heck of a winner of a conversation to listen to because what's more important than your happiness? Not a whole lot else. And the fact that you hit play You know what that tells me about you?
It tells me that you're interested in learning more about ways that you can improve your life and be happier. And you also love research. I love that because I love that too. And today I'm bringing you a conversation that's not just inspiring, it's transformational. Today in our Boston studios, you're going to get to meet and spend time with the incredible Dr. Judith Joseph.
Now, Dr. Judith is a double board certified psychiatrist. She earned her medical degree and MBA and completed her residency at Columbia University, where she now serves as the chairwoman of the Women in Medicine Board. And she also went to do her fellowship at NYU, where she's been a professor for over a decade. Her cutting edge research has earned her national recognition, including a U.S.
Congress and House of Representatives Proclamation Award for her advocacy in mental health and her innovative research. She is also at the cutting edge of medical research.
She's the founder and principal investigator at Manhattan Behavioral Medicine, where she and her team have conducted over 60 clinical research trials, including leading the trial for the first ever FDA approved drug for postpartum depression. Isn't that amazing? Well, that's just the beginning.
Dr. Judith's mission aligns perfectly with the mission of the Mel Robbins Podcast, which is to make life-changing information accessible to everyone in your life, in my life. That's what we're doing here. And why I'm so excited is because through her latest podcast, brand new happy lab research.
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Chapter 3: What does it mean to validate your feelings?
because it's so painful and instead what do we do we push through it we busy ourselves we work harder at the relationship we keep saying it's okay maybe next time if i just do this differently they'll change this invalidation is harmful and not just for romantic relationships even in you know certain workplace conditions well if i just get to this next level if the boss says that if i just do this one project right then i'll get there
And we continue gaslighting ourselves, not acknowledging our feelings, not self-validating. And that leads other people to invalidate us. It's this ripple effect.
So how do you start this? Because I think for a lot of us, if I think back to today, I'm doing okay. Like this particular day. Tomorrow, who knows what's going to happen when I wake up. But... When I think back to moments in my life where I've been profoundly unhappy, I was way too busy. I was drinking too much. I was gaslighting myself saying, I'll just get through it. I'll just get through it.
But if you're in the middle of that or you're profoundly depressed, you're so wired to just keep going or to avoid it. How do you even validate your feelings if you've basically been numbing them for a long time?
It is a trauma response. Avoidance is a trauma response. So knowing that, right, that's why the biopsychosocial is so important. Okay. And I want people to learn about it because if they know that, wait, I'm busying myself because I don't want to feel pain. If they know that this is happening, many people don't know that, then they'll slow down. Then they'll take a rest. They'll reflect.
they'll stop, they'll realize that things have to change. But if your coping skill is to avoid, to not acknowledge, to invalidate yourself, you'll push through until something else happens. You may physically break down, you may start, substance abuse may get worse, or you may develop a clinical depression, mental health crisis. But if you know that this is a response, this will help you.
I'll give myself as an example. I was in therapy for many years. Before I entered therapy, I was a psych resident and I had switched from anesthesia to psychiatry. And in psychiatry, we have these process groups where you sit around and you talk about your feelings. And I was the surgical person in the room. I was like, why do these people complain? They have a good life.
They don't have to wake up at 5 a.m. They get to pee. They get to eat. They have a good life because surgical residency is very difficult. Mm-hmm. And then they were like, you know, everyone in the program has to enter therapy. And I was like, I don't need that. I don't need problems. Because in my mind, I was like, okay, you know, mental health issues, there's schizophrenia.
There are like severe mental health issues where people can't function, right? Big mistake. I entered therapy and I learned so much about myself and how much I just pushed through pain that I wasn't even acknowledging. That I wasn't even saying this happened to me. That I had to stop and I had to be like, wow, I was being so busy. I didn't realize that I went through this.
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Chapter 4: How can venting improve your happiness?
They need those different stimuli to be able to stay focused and they need something to physically look forward to. Many of us can't be as abstract. Many of us need those concrete reminders. So it's something we can do together. It creates that sense of connection, that community. Yeah. And there are many other ways, tools that I have for keeping yourself on vision. This is just one of them.
For others, that would never work. Give me another one. For my busy moms, I tell them to open up their calendar and we literally sit and we plan joy. And it sounds cheesy, but I literally- Well, what I find in my office is that people will open up their calendars and there's like zero joy. They planned everything else. They have the kids soccer. They have their work schedule.
They have chores, but there's no joy. So we color coat the joy differently and it keeps them accountable. Again, people are visual. Some people are very visual. If they see that there's planned joy and it's blocked out for everyone, you're doing multiple things. You're setting boundaries. You're setting a reminder and you're prioritizing. joy.
And a lot of people, if it's not in their calendar, it's not going to happen.
Given that you have been researching all of these factors, that it seems like, especially since you do all this clinical research around mental health and prescription drugs, it seems to me that these are not only factors that help you access happiness and create a customized blueprint or formula for bringing more happiness,
They also seem like the things that are missing when you're dealing with somebody that has, say, treatment-resistant depression or that's really struggling with a diagnosable issue, that these are also the factors that you see.
that are present when you have someone that's struggling, that they don't have a vision, that they're not taking care of themselves in terms of the vital things from sleep and eating and connection that we all know we need to do, to the not talking about how they feel, to not even understanding how they feel,
to not even having something that they value that could be as small as gardening or being part of a book club, that those things are missing from someone's life. Is that a fair guess on my part?
It is. You just described the biopsychosocial in such a simple way. But yes, these are all the components that make up life. an individual. You know, we forget that real happiness is the sensation. It's the plethora of sensation.
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