The Megyn Kelly Show
Raising Mentally Strong Kids, with Dr. Daniel Amen, and Inside the Tragic "Rust" Set Shooting, with Rachel Mason | Ep. 1039
Tue, 1 Apr 2025
Megyn Kelly is joined by Dr. Daniel Amen, author of "Raising Mentally Strong Kids," to talk about how parents are hurting their kids by helping them and doing so much for them, how it's actually a way for the parent to benefit rather than the kids, the keys to raising resilient kids, mistakes parents often make by coddling their children, the key factors of time and listening, how parents can stay involved responsibly in helping their kids when they're older, the dangers of social media, how to avoid raising dependent adult children, the need to notice kids and give positive affirmation rather than only paying attention to the negative, new ways of using brain scans to treat patients, and more. Then Rachel Mason, director of "Last Take: Rust and the Story of Halyna," joins to talk about what her friend cinematographer Halyna Hutchins was really like, the tragic "Rust" movie set shooting that took Halyna's life, why Halyna's family wanted to make sure the movie "Rust" was completed, how "Rust" is finally set to be released soon, why the film was "sad and painful" but also "magnificent" and well-made, how a live round could have gotten in the gun that Alec Baldwin shot that killed Halyna, all the mistakes that had to happen on the set to get to this point, the confusion on the set that day, how the shooting was like "fiction meeting reality," the guilt so many feel to this day, and more.Amen- https://www.amenclinics.com/Mason- https://www.instagram.com/futureclown/Jacked Up Fitness: Go to https://GetJackedUp.com and use code MK at checkout to save 10% off your entire purchaseBirch Gold: Text MK to 989898 and get your free info kit on goldFollow The Megyn Kelly Show on all social platforms:YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/MegynKellyTwitter: http://Twitter.com/MegynKellyShowInstagram: http://Instagram.com/MegynKellyShowFacebook: http://Facebook.com/MegynKellyShow Find out more information at: https://www.devilmaycaremedia.com/megynkellyshow
Chapter 1: How can we raise mentally strong kids?
Welcome to The Megyn Kelly Show, live on Sirius XM Channel 111 every weekday at noon east. Hey, everyone. I'm Megyn Kelly. Welcome to The Megyn Kelly Show. We're going to talk parenting for a minute. How do we raise confident, able kids in our post-pandemic, always online, annoying society? My next guest may be familiar to you if you spend any time on Instagram, which is where I found him.
He's got some amazing advice for all of us. Dr. Daniel Amen is a double board certified psychiatrist, including of child psychiatry and author of the book, Raising Mentally Strong Kids. How to combine the power of neuroscience with love and logic to grow confident, kind, responsible, and resilient children and young adults.
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Use promo code MK at checkout to save 10% on your entire purchase. Again, that's getjackedup.com. Welcome to the show, Dr. Amen. Great to have you.
Hi, Megan. What a joy. I've followed your work for a long time. I'm a huge fan.
Oh, gosh. Thank you for saying that. Likewise. So I always love your posts. They always make sense to me. I always get like an additional pearl of wisdom that I didn't have before. The one that made me say, could we please book him? Please get him on the show was one in which you were talking about. This is the condensed version. Today, parents do way too much for their children.
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Chapter 2: What mistakes do parents make that affect children's self-esteem?
and they steal their self-esteem. And you are making the point that you may think you're doing all the household chores or whatever it is. In our neighborhood, all the parents drop their kids off at the bus stop. Like what? Back in my day, we had to walk to the bus stop and wait for the... They sit in these beautiful SUVs and whatever.
You may think you're helping or being kind to your child and you are making the point that's a you thing. You're doing that to make yourself feel good and you are stealing something important from your kid in the process. Let's kick it off there.
Well, because parents are working so hard, they often have this tremendous guilt about not spending enough time with their children. And so they do, do, do, do, thinking it's somehow benefiting them, but really it's building the parent's self-esteem. by stealing your child's.
There's this great study out of Harvard where they followed kids literally over 70 years looking at what goes with health, success, and longevity. And the only thing that went with self-esteem was whether or not you worked as a child, whether or not you had a paper route, or you had chores at home, or you actually like me, I had a job.
My dad owned grocery stores, and from the time I was 10, I went to work. And what working does is it boosts your sense of competence and competence is directly related to self-esteem. So if you're solving all of your children's problems, they don't feel competent and thus don't feel very good about themselves.
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Chapter 3: Why is it important for parents to allow children to solve their own problems?
Yes. No, I see this with parents all the time where they solve their child's problems, not necessarily speaking about homework, but just the kid comes up with, well, this kid did this to me. And rather than teaching the child how to think it through, they say, this is what you should do. And I think a lot of parents enjoy the dependency that results from that.
No question that they get... in their mind more connection. And, you know, I mean, it's so rewarding. Take the wisdom you gained over decades and pour it. down your child's brain. The problem is it just doesn't work. What we're teaching them is to not be competent. And when a child says, I'm bored, rather than go, well, you could do this, or you could do that, or how about we do this together?
Just repeat it back. It's like, you're bored. I wonder what you're going to do about it. and then be quiet long enough for them to generate their own solutions. Parents talk way too much. And in raising mentally strong kids, I talk about the first thing is know what you want. What kind of parent do you wanna be? What kind of child do you want to raise? I want to raise mentally strong kids.
Well, that means I have to teach them to solve problems. I can't do it for them. And then the second thing, it's bonding. And bonding requires two things. Time, actual physical time. Parents are so busy and so distracted by their own devices that they're not spending time with children and kids. really important, a willingness to listen.
So when your child says something on board, rather than solve it for him, go, just repeat back what you hear. It's what therapists do all the time, at least.
And
Wait for them to fill in the blank because they're filling it in using their brain to generate options.
And what if they say, what can I do? What can I do? Mom, what can I do?
Like, I wonder, what could you do? What can you do? And then be quiet so that their brain works to fill in. Now, after five minutes, if they're like, what can I do? What can I do? Do you want to hear maybe what other kids might do? And then generate options. But you know, as soon as you generate options, they're going to argue with them.
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Chapter 4: How does positivity bias affect mental health?
Well, you know, I think always default to firm and kind. And yes, at 11, 13, 15, they need guidance. I always say, God gave you parents until your frontal lobes develop. So the front third of your brain is called the prefrontal cortex. It is actually not fully developed until you're 25. And that's why we need to do a much better job of protecting young developing brains.
Like not giving them access to social media until they're 14, 15, 16, just because it's so toxic there for them. So being involved and supervising them and kids hate it when you supervise them. and they hate it more when you don't, because in their mind, it's like you don't care.
So, I mean, until my kids were 17, 18, I want to know where you are, who you're with, what you're doing, and oh, by the way, I'm going to check. And now we have ways to check that we're much better than when my kids were young. And so but when they're old, your job is to be sort of a good friend and a good coach. And never forget, I'm always a long term planner.
Never forget, they're the ones that are going to be taking care of you. And so I'm always sort of kind to my children. But if I do too much, I create dependence. And that's absolutely not what you want when they're 25 or 30.
Well, and also I worry that you create resentment. I worry, you know, in expressing your real opinion about, let's say, you know, the daughter's boyfriend, if the daughter's 27. I don't know. I feel like at that age, they're going to do what they're going to do. And I would be very hesitant. I would feel like my role was more to be like. you know, you'll figure it out.
How do you feel when you're around? I just ask questions as opposed to say how I feel, because I'd be worried that if I'm like, he's a, he's a shit, like this is definitely not the one for you. You have a greater likelihood of you either throwing her into his arms just because, you know, it's okay for you to think your guy's bad, but if anybody else thinks it, then you're defensive of him.
Um, or her just, I don't know, clamming, clamming up and not sharing future things with you.
Yeah, no, I think it's that line. But if you really think he's a shit, you need to tell him because you need to tell her because new love is a drug. New love is just like you've been taking cocaine. And you're not thinking rationally. And often it takes six months, a year, 18 months for you to see, oh, this person's really not great for me. And It goes back to the relationship.
If they know you want to spend time with them, that you're listening to them, that you're rooting for them like a good coach. I always think, you know, who's the best teacher you've ever had? Who's the best coach you've ever had? They notice what you do right. And they teach you when you could do better.
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Chapter 5: What role do brain scans play in diagnosing mental health?
That's my bread and butter for the most part. In fact, believe it or not, this year for Lent, I gave up negativity, which is, it sounds like a cop-out, but it was designed around what you're talking about. Now, I kind of give myself the two hours off of this show because I got to do the news in the way I do the news. I can't mess with it. But in the other 22 hours of the day,
I'm trying to give up negativity and I'm not a negative person. I think I am an accurate person with a positive spin. And, um, but I have noticed now that I've made a point of it, how many times I'll say, you know, like, Oh, I can't stand that. Or that sucks. Or we wait, we played the game Padel over vacation, which is not paddle and it's not pickle. It's Padel. It's big in Europe.
It's like a racket sport. And, uh, everyone in my family is great at racket sports, but I am not. You And instead, it's little things, but instead of being like, oh my God, I suck. I was saying things like, I'm not, I'm not quite good yet. I'll be better the next time. It's just these little things. And then I read that you're big on starting the day by saying, this is going to be a great day.
And I've been doing it. It's just these little, little pick me ups, doc. They actually have been making a nice difference in my life.
But if you start the day with today is going to be a great day. And my favorite one is end the day with what went well today. It's a great exercise to do with the kids. But when I go to bed at night, I say a prayer and then I go, what went well today? And. go through my whole day looking for what was right rather than what was wrong.
And the bad stuff shows up, but I'm like, nope, this is not your time. And people who do that within three weeks notice a significant difference in their level of happiness. And imagine if you just do it with the kids whenever you have a meal together. It's like, hey, what are you looking forward today? Hey, what went well today? What you're doing is you're training positivity, bias.
in their minds. And my wife, Tana, she and I do a podcast together. And we just did a big podcast on negativity versus positivity bias. And her mom died just about a year ago. And But she and I noticed she was more negative, and that's what grief does. But as she worked on it, what she said is, I find the micro miracles in my day.
Even the little things, like I make her a cup of brand healthy hot chocolate every night. And she's like, just the first taste is a micro miracle. And it's a practice. that you can do. And the most effective way to raise mentally strong kids is you be mentally strong yourself. And that's why I'm so grateful you follow me on social media, because that's the whole goal.
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Chapter 6: Can brain injuries be reversed through rehabilitation?
is I was just at the White House and I hate the term mental illness. It shames people. It's stigmatizing and it's wrong. These are brain health issues that steal people's minds. The brain, physical function of your brain creates your mind. And so as your brain is healthier and Your mind is just better. And so getting our food right, exercise.
And I love we're talking about coordination exercises because people who play racquet sports live longer than everybody else. People who play football and soccer live less long. than everybody else. I did the big NFL study when the NFL was sort of lying. It had a problem with traumatic brain injury in football. I scanned and treated 400 NFL players.
And what we should be doing with kids is playing racket sports. And I think one of the best things my mom did with me, she's great at ping pong. And I played table tennis growing up and I love table tennis, tennis. Those are the things to do with kids rather than put them in soccer or football, where on average, every year they get a concussion.
Right. Right. Oh, it's a table tennis is hilarious. It's great. My kids love it. They're very good with all rackets. They have the Doug Brunt, my husband's hand. I, I don't yet have it. I'll maybe this will be my year, but I have dreams of secretly going to the ping pong place. There's a table tennis place, not far from where I live and like saying I'm working out or something else.
And then in the summer, when we really play a lot of it, Busting out my ninja skills on my kids and bam, showing them like they're like those Olympic with the, it's great to watch. Even my 11 year old has to go easy on me now because he's so good at it. But that's interesting with the table tennis. Before we leave this topic, what is a brain healthy hot chocolate?
What tell us all everyone wants to make it now?
It's so good. But before I do that, get a coach. Go to the USATT.org, United States of America Table Tennis Association.org. Get a coach. The more you work it, the better you will become. It's a cerebellar function, which is a very critical part of the brain. And if you didn't develop that when you're young, you can totally develop it now.
So brain healthy hot chocolate, raw cacao, organic raw cacao, unsweetened almond milk, heat up the almond milk, put a heaping teaspoon of raw cacao. There's a company I like, no doubt,
financial connection to them called sweet leaf they make 11 different flavors of stevia and their chocolate is unbelievable and put in a couple dropper fulls put in a blender it's so good and literally and it's calorie smart right it's about 30 to 60 calories it tastes great it loves you You love it and it loves you back.
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Chapter 7: How does substance abuse impact brain health?
Oh, all right. That's good. I can do this. All right. Now wait, let's go back to the brain scans and what you were saying about mental illness. So fascinating. So if, if somebody comes into you and says, I I'm depressed or I have anxiety or whatever it is, is the first thing you would do as a psychiatrist, a brain scan, you wouldn't just be like talk therapy or the big thing now is take this drug.
Well, how would you know unless you looked? So I'm a double.
Nobody looks.
And I belong to the only medical specialty that virtually never looks at the organ it treats. And so for the last 34 years, we've been doing a study called brain spec imaging, looks at blood flow and activity, looks at how your brain works. And Megan, literally, it has changed everything in my life. how I diagnose my patients, how I treat myself.
If you date my daughter for more than four months, I'm going to scan you because I really want to know. We have a poster. I don't know if you heard the president and the Department of Justice, but he's about a conversation he had with the Mexican president. And it's like, why doesn't Mexico have the drug problem we have, even though you're selling us the drugs?
And they have a very vigorous drug education campaign. Well, as soon as I started scanning people in 1991, I take a healthy scan. And then one of my marijuana users, cocaine users, alcoholics, their brains look so bad. And we put it on a poster and called, which brain do you want? Which now hangs in about 100,000 schools, prisons, churches around the world.
It's like the real reason not to use drugs is they damage your brain alcohol is not a health food and marijuana is not innocuous we have to stop lying to the american public and go these are not good things but the first thing you have to do is get them to fall in love with their brain and that's what the imaging did for me
It's your brain is involved in how you think, how you feel, how you act, how you get along with other people. And when your brain works right, you work right. And when it doesn't, you'll never live up to your potential. So now you go, drugs damage the brain. And why would you ever damage your potential unless you are self-defeating?
So what, well, what could you see in a brain scan that would change the way you would help somebody coming in with any one of those things or other things people see a psychiatrist for?
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