The Let Them Theory | The Messy Podcast
S2 EP3 | Comparison as Your Greatest Teacher | The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins
Tue, 04 Mar 2025
Welcome to Season 2, Episode 3 of The Messy Podcast!Tagline: Comparison as Your Greatest Teacher – Turning Envy into FuelIn this episode, we explore why comparison triggers self-doubt and fear of judgment, the neuroscience of envy, and how to reframe comparison as a roadmap for growth using the "Let Them" and "Let Me" techniques.Key Takeaways:Understand why comparison triggers self-doubt and fear of judgment.Discover the neuroscience of envy and how social media rewires your brain.Learn to reframe comparison as a roadmap for growth using the "Let Them" and "Let Me" techniques.Practice:Action Step: Post a “Comparison Confession” story (tag #LetMeLearn) and include one action step it inspired.Support Us: Visit https://themessypodcast.com to support our mission.Tune in to The Messy Podcast—navigating the chaos of life, one story at a time.
Chapter 1: What is envy and how does it affect us?
Hey everybody and welcome back to The Messy Podcast. If you want to skip the ads and get right into the good stuff, you can sign up to be a premium member on Apple Podcasts. Or you can also head over to our website at themessypodcast.com. And today we are going to deep dive into a topic. that I think we've all experienced at one time or another, that twinge of envy.
Yes.
But the big question is, can we actually use envy as a guidepost for personal growth?
I love this topic.
Episode three, comparison is your greatest teacher.
It sounds so counterintuitive, right? We're always told to stop comparing ourselves. Right. But like, what if those feelings are actually clues about what we want and aspire to?
Yeah. You know, I was thinking about this just the other day. I was scrolling through Instagram, saw friends just picture perfect vacation photos. And I felt that pang of envy. Like, why doesn't my family look that happy on vacation? I know that a lot of our listeners out there. can relate to that.
Yeah, absolutely. And like, it's no surprise we feel this way, right? Our brains are literally wired to make comparisons. It's a primal survival mechanism. So think about our ancestors, right? For them, comparing themselves to others was crucial for survival. They needed to assess their social standing, their resources, their potential mates.
And the part of the brain responsible for this is the amygdala, which is constantly standing our environment and comparing us to those around us.
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Chapter 2: Can envy be used for personal growth?
Let me. What does that mean?
OK, this is where you turn envy into a roadmap for personal growth instead of dwelling on what others have you shift your focus to what you want to achieve. And one of the most effective tools for this is the comparison journal, a comparison journal.
I've heard of like a gratitude journal. This is new.
Yeah, it might seem counterintuitive, but trust me on this one. OK, so here's how it works. Let's say you're you're scrolling through Instagram. And you see a friend who just launched their own business and you feel that familiar twinge of envy. Instead of letting that feeling fester, you grab your comparison journal and you write down what specifically you envy about their situation.
So I might write down like I'm envious of their freedom and flexibility as a business owner.
Exactly. You're getting specific about the trigger. And then the real magic happens. You ask yourself, what does this envy reveal about my unmet goals and aspirations? Maybe it's a desire for more autonomy in your work, a yearning to be your own boss, or a need for a creative outlet.
So instead of stewing in envy, I'm using it as a clue to uncover what I truly desire.
Yes.
Okay, this is fascinating. What's the next step?
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Chapter 3: How does social media amplify comparison?
I know.
Especially with everyone showcasing their picture perfect partnerships on social media.
It's so easy to fall into that trap of thinking, why doesn't my relationship look like that? But remember, what you see on social media is just a snapshot, a carefully curated highlight reel.
Right. It's so easy to forget that every relationship has its challenges, its ups and downs.
Exactly. So instead of getting caught in that comparison game, you can use the let them power move to shift your focus. OK. You start by saying let them have their happy relationship. I'm sending them good vibes. And then turn your attention inward with let me focus on nurturing and deepening my own connection with my partner.
OK, so I might take some time to reflect on what's truly important to me in a relationship and how I can bring more of those qualities into my own partnership.
Exactly. Maybe it's about having, you know, more open and honest communication, prioritizing quality time together or simply expressing more appreciation for your partner.
You know what I love about this approach is that it's not about trying to be someone else or have what they have. It's about using their experience as a catalyst to explore your own unique path and create a life that feels truly authentic and fulfilling.
That's the essence of it. It's about recognizing that comparison itself isn't the problem. It's what we do with those feelings that matters. By understanding the neuroscience behind envy, we can start to see it as valuable data, a guidepost pointing us towards what we truly desire.
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