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The Jordan B. Peterson Podcast

Parental Roles

Wed, 21 May 2025

Description

Parenting isn’t a theory—it’s a daily test of character. In this first episode, Dr. Jordan B. Peterson meets with real parents navigating the joys and struggles of raising children. From discipline and play to guilt, sacrifice, and step-parenting, Peterson offers timeless insights rooted in clinical psychology and lived experience. If you’re a parent—or planning to be—this is where your journey begins. - - - Privacy Policy: https://www.dailywire.com/privacy

Audio
Transcription

Chapter 1: What are the challenges and rewards of parenting?

27.629 - 56.023 Jordan Peterson

There is nothing you'll do in life that's more challenging, difficult, and rewarding than being a parent. Nothing with greater highs or lower lows. Worthwhile meaning in your life is going to be found in the voluntary adoption of responsibility. Voluntary self-sacrifice, that's the spirit of the functional psyche, family and community. What does it mean to be a father?

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Chapter 2: What does it mean to be a mother?

56.718 - 79.087 Jordan Peterson

What does it mean to be a mother? You need to know very clearly what it is that you can do for your children in order to help them live a life that's adventurous and responsible. I've distilled the decades of my experience as a researcher and clinical psychologist into the lessons every striving mother or father needs to learn.

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Chapter 3: What does it mean to be a father?

79.887 - 95.654 Jordan Peterson

If you've ever thought about becoming a parent or are a parent already, this series is for you. Hello. I sat down recently with many moms and dads to personally discuss the situations they were facing with their children.

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95.954 - 98.555 Jane Doe

Our 13 year old, we spoiled the heck out of him.

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98.675 - 102.677 Parent 3

My daughter came to tell us that her classmates were bullying her.

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102.777 - 107.399 John Smith

The question for me becomes, when do I pick him up and when do I make him pick himself up?

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108.259 - 145.244 Jordan Peterson

What lessons can you derive from today's discussion? How do you operate effectively as a father and as a mother in today's world? Well, you could say, if you wanted to play sex stereotype, that a mother secures and a father encourages. You could say that a father is radically on the side of who the child could become, and a mother is more radically on the side of who the child is.

146.565 - 163.908 Jordan Peterson

And that's a nice dynamic, because when you're dealing with a child, you have to be happy and grateful for who they are, and encouraging them to be the person they could become. Now, I think it's a mistake for the mother always to be the nurturer and the father always to be the person pushing forward.

Chapter 4: How can parents balance nurturing and encouragement?

164.469 - 169.737 Jordan Peterson

Both parents should play both roles, but that's a good way of considering the sex differentiation.

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172.697 - 204.165 Parent 1

When it comes to nurturing and snuggling, it's more my role as opposed to when it's time to play or go outside or do things like that. That's more Nathan's department, which I find for me, it is difficult to play with my kids. How do I sit down and play with his trucks and not feel like I should be doing something else without feeling like I should be washing dishes?

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Chapter 5: What is the importance of time with young children?

204.526 - 205.628 Parent 1

I should be putting things away.

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214.249 - 233.064 Jordan Peterson

In all likelihood, you're going to be a mother of small children for a much shorter time than you think and for a much smaller fraction of your life than you imagine. While you have little kids, time sort of slows and it seems like it's always been that way and it's always going to be that way and that's not the case.

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233.404 - 256.666 Jordan Peterson

You have little kids for a very short period of time and it is a major mistake not to notice that and to appreciate it. It's the pathway to a future with the least regrets to understand and be grateful for the opportunity that you have to care for your children while they're little and to be as grateful as you possibly can for that because it really is a privilege.

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Chapter 6: How should parents approach independence in children?

264.056 - 289.962 Parent 3

Just being a parent, nothing I was ever interested in prior to this really is worthy of my time or concern at this moment. I don't know if that will last forever. And I'm curious about how things like my career, the things I have been doing outside of the house, relationships, other things I'm involved in, now work in to our lives. And I'm very open to the answer being, you sacrifice it.

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297.516 - 327.557 Jordan Peterson

In the first few months of life, a child has to be in very close contact with his or her mother. It's virtually impossible to give a true infant too much attention. In fact, I don't even know if it is possible. As the child becomes autonomous, can start doing things on his or her own, then you have to pull back in lockstep with the child's independence.

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327.978 - 357.027 Jordan Peterson

And you might say, well, how do you know how fast to pull back? You really take your cues from the child. A mother or a parent acts as a zone of security and predictability and care for the child. And so the child uses the mother, let's say, as a place of safety and will come back for comfort, for attention, and then will go out into the world and play and interact until they hit an obstacle.

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357.047 - 385.811 Jordan Peterson

And then they'll retreat to the mother. to be that island of stability, security and encouragement. And so then there's a continual dance between outward movement and retreat that the mother anchors. And eventually the child is capable of completely autonomous life. And then if you've handled that properly and you've been the proper balance of security and encouragement,

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386.601 - 413.681 Jordan Peterson

The child won't leave permanently because you'll establish an adult relationship with them and then a relationship with their children. And then you get to have your cake and eat it too. And that's a good deal for everybody. If you're willing to lose your child as they adventure outward, you'll gain them back in an adult relationship. How did you overindulge, do you think, exactly?

413.921 - 418.463 Parent 2

Well, we just gave him everything. Everything. Okay.

419.104 - 426.447 Jane Doe

We spoiled the heck out of him. Because I grew up with nothing. And Jamie grew up in a household where things were love.

Chapter 7: What mistakes do parents make with discipline?

427.227 - 434.811 Parent 2

And we just don't want our five-year-old to follow in the same footsteps. Like, see that as an example to grow up as.

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Chapter 8: How to avoid overindulging children?

442.526 - 466.842 Jordan Peterson

I've seen mothers who are at the beck and call of their three-year-old son in particular. That's a bad idea. Your son, your daughter for that matter, isn't little god emperor of the universe and shouldn't conceptualize himself or herself that way. That's a good pathway to narcissism. Your best pathway forward as a mother is to not do for your child anything that your child can do for themself.

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468.271 - 484.566 Jordan Peterson

That means doing up their shoes or putting on their clothes and cleaning up their rooms and helping to set the table when they're old enough to help set the table. One of the mistakes that parents make is they'll step in and do things quickly for the child instead of letting them learn.

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485.006 - 505.337 Jordan Peterson

Now, at any given time, it's faster for you to dress your child, but you don't want to be dressing them when they're seven. Everything you can do to bring the child into the realm of adult responsibility is exactly the sort of thing that you would do if you were reasonable and you were trying to boost what people now so casually call self-esteem.

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506.397 - 522.77 Jordan Peterson

There's nothing that gives a person more esteem than to see that they're useful and necessary and that that's real. How are you doing? I'm good. What's your name? Micah. Micah. Nice to meet you. Good to meet you, Micah. So what brings you here today?

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523.336 - 548.152 Micah

Well, I have been engaged for a couple of weeks and my fiance already has a two-year-old son, which means that I'm going to be an instant father to a toddler, which raises a few questions for me. What is a father? Is it something that you are or is it a role that you can step into like I'm about to?

548.613 - 572.535 Jordan Peterson

Yeah. Well, I guess you're going to find out the answer to that question, aren't you? Yes. Can you become a father? Is that a rule you take on? I think it's always a rule you take on. Being a father is a relationship, and a relationship is something you have to develop. Any time that you spend with your child, one on one,

574.096 - 600.44 Jordan Peterson

teaching them, talking to them, playing with them, listening to them, walking with them is encouragement because they need to learn to be adults. And your children need to see you modeling how to be an engaged adult for them. Honest and committed pursuit of a worthwhile goal. That's a good way of thinking about what a father should model. Voluntary adventure.

600.5 - 626.429 Jordan Peterson

That's another encapsulation of the masculine role. The establishment of a vision. The commitment to its pursuit. Resilience in the face of failure. Faith in the future. Service to your family, your community, protection from the catastrophes of life and care of the most vulnerable. That's masculinity in a nutshell.

626.909 - 654.702 Jordan Peterson

That's why the shepherd, for example, in old religious stories is a model of masculinity. Ancient shepherds, they kept the wolves and the lions at bay and took care of the most vulnerable. And that's what men who are worthy of the name strive for. Don't assume that there's a pathway to being a father. Just have a relationship with the kid. And that'll unfold at its own speed.

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