On today’s episode, we hear about: · A woman struggling with feelings for her married coworker · A man dealing with the consequences of an ultimatum · A wife seeking advice on how to deal with her husband’s drinking problem 📱 Early access: Watch episodes of The Dr. John Delony Show one week early—download the free Ramsey Network app today! Next Steps: 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or send us a message. 📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life 📝 Anxiety Test 📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards 💭 John's Free Guided Meditation 🤘🏼 The Dr. John Delony Show Merch Connect With Our Sponsors: 🌱 Get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp. 🔴 Get 15% off with code DELONY at BON CHARGE. 🌿 Get up to 40% off with code DELONY at Cozy Earth. 🔒 Get 20% off when you join DeleteMe. 😇 Go to Hallow for a 90-day free trial. 💤 Visit Helix Sleep for special offers! 🥤 Get 20% off with code DELONY at Organifi. 💪 Get 25% off your order at Thorne. 🏋️ Go to Trainwell to get started! Listen to More From Ramsey Network: 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights 🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💡 The Rachel Cruze Show 💰 George Kamel 💼 The Ken Coleman Show 📈 EntreLeadership Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy https://www.ramseysolutions.com/company/policies/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Chapter 1: What should I do about my feelings for a married coworker?
I am trying to get over a married male coworker. This feels like an emotional affair waiting to happen.
You're getting the winks across the table. You're getting the laughter. But some other woman is washing his underwear. What in the world is going on? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show. Happy New Year. I hope you're doing great. We're a few weeks into the new year, but I'm recording this in last year. So I'm just assuming and hoping everything is rocking and rolling.
Not everything's going to be perfect. Not everything's going to be just how you drew it up, but I'm hoping you're choosing hope and you're making the best of what's right there in front of you. This show's about sitting with hurting people, trying to figure out what's the next right move.
Folks faced with relationship challenges, mental health issues, emotional health challenges, whatever you got going on in your life. My promise is I'll sit with you and we will figure out the next right move. If you want to be on the show, Give me a buzz at 1-844-693-3291 or go to johndeloney.com slash ask A-S-K. And don't forget to subscribe and leave your five-star reviews.
All right, let's go out to Flint, Michigan and talk to the mighty Olivia. What's up, Olivia?
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Chapter 2: How can I set boundaries in a workplace crush?
Yes.
Olivia Newton-John, what's up? I'm good.
Dr. John, I am looking for the next right move. Uh-oh. why are you in the wrong place well let's hop into it and uh you can tell me oh great okay what's up okay dr john i am trying to get over a married male co-worker run i've set boundaries with him dr john it's these emotions i don't know how to get past my emotions my feelings like I feel like I broke up with somebody. You did.
I don't know how to get past these emotions, and I need help with that.
You did break up with somebody.
I did?
Yeah. Tell me about what happened.
Okay. Well, back in the spring last year, 2024, I started a new job. Awesome, great opportunity. About three weeks into this job, I declared an office crush. It was a guy that I, when I first saw him, I thought he was handsome. And then sitting in meetings with him, he's witty, he's funny. I just, you know, innocently, oh, he's going to be my office crush. Didn't think anything else of it.
But by mid-summer, I started noticing that I was getting attention from him. And then flirting started. And I was enjoying it, loving it. But then autumn starts creeping in. I'm like, this feels like an emotional affair waiting to happen. And so in October, I shut it down. I went into his office and I had two reasons for shutting it down. I only gave him one reason. I said, hey,
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Chapter 3: What are the consequences of emotional affairs?
Always.
But what I didn't tell him was that I was also concerned that I was going to get emotionally attached to him and fall for him romantically. Well, Dr. John, I think I waited too late to set the boundary because after I set that boundary, I have been literally crawling across the floor in tears. I've missed work.
I'm even skipping the department Christmas party next week because I don't want to take a chance on seeing him with his wife. Like I have been struggling and just, you know, I have great friends. I have a therapist. I even have a sponsor in a 12-step program. And it's just, I could be sitting at my desk and he walks by and my heart skips a beat. I don't know what to do with that. How?
How do I get past that part? He's respecting my boundaries.
He's your new addiction. I don't think this is about him. I think this is about what he represents for you.
Yeah.
And you laid it out perfect. Upper management, witty, funny, sees you, laughs with you. And then, let's make it worse. You know what else he does? He's one of the few men that respects boundaries. Right? And then that makes him even more enticing. But, okay, so let me ask you this. Talk to me about relationships you've had in the past.
Well, my relationship... Well, first of all, I'm a 50-plus woman who's never been married. I still desperately want to be married. Dating...
dating is good in the sense that i go out on a lot of dates dating is uncertain and horrible because there are no guarantees like even last weekend i went to a christmas party that i thought was for singles place was crawling with couples and i left discouraged like where were the single men and so so i don't i don't have like looking back over my past i don't have this like
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Chapter 4: How do I cope with unreciprocated feelings at work?
Yeah.
Or they work on actual projects together. They're forced to work together for a common good, for a bigger goal. Couples don't do that anymore. They're just like, hey, what time are you going to be there for whatever? When's the laundry? And blah, blah, blah. Right. And so, number one, you are right to, I'm proud of you for saying your boundaries out loud.
Very few people have the courage to do that. Good for you.
Yeah.
Thank you. The second thing is you have to figure out a way to put some distance between you and this person.
Okay.
Simply because of the power hierarchy. You are correct. If anything goes sideways or anybody raises an eyebrow or he's in a meeting with senior execs and someone's like, oh yeah, I see how you, and he has to throw you under the bus, he will. Right. And you are dead right. You are the new female person who's got a crush on an executive. You will pay the price here.
Yep.
So tell me what distancing looks like.
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Chapter 5: What is the impact of emotional attachment on my work life?
You're in a somewhat similar situation here.
Yeah.
You can't avoid this guy. You can't get him fired. You can't run him out. So I'm going to make peace with it. And what that means is I'm going to feel those feelings. And then, like, you might grab the hem of your shirt and just squeeze it once. I tend to touch my chest.
It started from something that I did with a therapist, but it's just a quick little thing, and it's just a reminder I get to control what happens next.
Okay.
And my feelings don't tell me the truth. That's not their job.
That's true.
And if you're a 50-year-old woman who seeks long-term romantic connection.
Yeah. Yeah.
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Chapter 6: How to navigate feelings of attraction in a professional setting?
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It's the new year, my favorite time of year, when everyone starts thinking of new routines, building better habits, stopping the things that aren't helpful in our lives, and overall, building a better life. We all know that most new go-get-em goals are a total waste of your time because we don't put in the systems to make them sustainable. So how about this year?
Let's focus on fewer, more sustainable goals, and let's create better systems. And let's start by curating a system and goals that are good for our hearts and our souls. Let's start by focusing on our spiritual lives this year. And let's start off 2025 by focusing on prayer and meditation. To do this, I recommend Halo, the number one prayer app in the world. I use it every day and I love it.
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You can also check out the daily scripture readings, nightly sleep prayers, and if you don't have much time, there's even something called the daily minute. Hallow makes it easy to build a system and a routine by making a schedule, adding reminders, and even fostering a community for accountability. Start the year off right by putting your relationship with God first with the help of Hallow.
Right now, they're offering three free months when you join at hallow.com slash Deloney. That's Hallow, H-A-L-L-O-W dot com slash Deloney for three months of Hallow absolutely free. Go right now. All right, we are back. Let's go to Cleveland, Ohio and talk to Devin. Hey, Devin, what's up, man? Hey, John, thanks for taking my call. You got it. So we talked back in September. Refresh us.
What was going on in your life back in September?
Back then, my question was, hey, my wife gave me an ultimatum to have a third baby or possibly she was walking. I called in to get a couple of tools from you. I used a couple of those, but now I'm coming back to the well to see if they have any more knowledge for me as I continue to navigate through this.
Were my recommendations not great? It's okay if they weren't.
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Chapter 7: What are the signs of an unhealthy attachment?
We're going to talk about things that we see the other person doing that are great. Then we're going to go to another restaurant. We're going to go get coffee. We're going to get morning brunch or whatever. And we're going to talk about known. What are the things going on in your guts? Are you happy in this home that we're creating together? How can we love each other better?
And both people get to speak. Then we're going to go to lunch together. And then either during lunch or after lunch, we're going to talk about celebration. Who do we want to be this year? What's that going to look like? Identity? How are we going to celebrate each other? How are we going to cheer each other on and become each other's biggest cheerleaders? And the fourth one is nuts and bolts.
How are we going to make this thing happen? What must go away so that this new year becomes true? Seeing, known, celebrate, and challenge. Okay. And let's say you put that on paper. Forget her little threats. If you think those threats are, they're just, they're toothless tigers, then at some point you have to be the adult and say, whatever, I'm going to keep going.
Because y'all are in this weird dance. She loses power, and so she pokes, and you over-correct. She's going to leave, and you shut down for a month, and she gets back on top. And then you slowly start becoming a great husband again, and you're back engaged with the kids. And then she feels like she's losing it, so she's like, well, I don't know.
Yeah, I feel like she's – I think she looked exhausted. necessarily looked into divorce or anything. But I think she's envisioned that and she realized how hard it is. So now she's not planning actively leaving. But my concern is that the next time, three months from now, she's like, hey, let's do whatever. And I go, oh, we can't do that. Then she's not getting what she wants.
She's not getting fed that. Then it's going to be another fight. And then this will come up at some point. But to your point about, if I may, the kind of like the retreat you laid out, I kind of did that in a sense, not as well as you did, obviously, because you do this for a living. But during the past month of us being in this weird dance was our wedding anniversary.
So I got us a room at a hotel with a restaurant, just kind of have almost like a start over type retreat thing. With what you just kind of laid out in a framework in mind, but not as well. And she first, she declined. She said, well, we shouldn't go away together. It's not a good idea. And I said, why? And she's like, well, because we have all these problems. I was like, I just kind of walked.
I was like, okay, whatever you want to do, but I don't have to cancel the reservation until X day. So then she waits until that day and she goes, all right, we can do it. We can go, but we have to talk about things. And I said, okay. And we went and we did it. We didn't talk about things. I didn't bring it up to be fair, but I was kind of waiting. Like, where are you going with this?
So we just had like a decent evening, but I was like, well, why didn't we do this? What's what's going on? Like, are you not wanting to talk about you over? I keep trying to read tea leaves, which is stupid.
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Chapter 8: How do I move on from a workplace crush?
And, dude, call me after this meeting. Call me after it because this is going to be a truth-telling, a clearing. And maybe there's some ground rules, no leaving, no grenade throwing, no bombs, no what. We're just going to lay this thing out here. I need both of us to be adults in this thing. It's been a tough, tough year. And I've been chasing you forever. I'm going to stop chasing.
We're going to anchor in. Thanks for the call, brother. We'll be right back. Good folks, the modern world exposes us to things that our bodies had no idea even existed up until just a few decades ago. And I don't mean endless streams of cat videos or AI influencers. I'm talking about screens in our homes and offices, fluorescent lights, EMFs.
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All right, let's go out to Oklahoma City and talk to A-M-Y. What's up, Amy?
Hi, Dr. Deloney. Thank you for taking my call. Of course. What's up?
Sorry. No, you're good. Take a breath. You're all good.
I guess I'm struggling to figure out how I can address my husband's drinking problem in a way that I guess will stick with him. We've had several instances over the past, I want to say, four years to where his drinking becomes more and more excessive, and it'll peak in an instance where he will speak to me disrespectfully because he's had too much to drink.
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