📱Early Access: Watch Episodes of The Dr. John Delony Show #1 Week Early—Download the Free Ramsey Network App Today! On today’s episode, we hear about: · A man comparing himself to his girlfriend’s deceased boyfriend · A wife struggling to move forward after her husband relapsed · A mom wondering how to help her daughter who struggles with mental illness Next Steps: 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or send us a message. 📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life 📝 Anxiety Test 📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards 💭 John's Free Guided Meditation 🤘🏼 The Dr. John Delony Show Merch Connect With Our Sponsors: 🌱 Get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp 🔴 15% off with code DELONY at Bon Charge 🌿 Get up to 40% off at Cozy Earth with code DELONY 🔒 Get 20% off when you join DeleteMe 😇 Go to Hallow for a 90-day free trial 💤 Visit Helix Sleep for special offers! 🥤20% off at Organifi with code DELONY 💪 Get 25% off your order at Thorne 🏋️ Go to Trainwell to get started Listen to More From Ramsey Network: 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights 🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💡 The Rachel Cruze Show 💰 George Kamel 💼 The Ken Coleman Show 📈 EntreLeadership Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy https://www.ramseysolutions.com/company/policies/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Chapter 1: How can I navigate feelings of comparison in a relationship?
I'm wondering how I can navigate feelings of comparison to my girlfriend's late boyfriend. They dated for nearly two years and he went away into the armed forces and sometimes when I am with her I feel as if maybe she's not as present with me as I'd like her to be.
Happy New Year! This is John. I don't know why I'm yelling. I was not going to yell. That's one of the things I'm not going to do in 2025. The world's yelling. I'm going to be more chill. So, let me do that over. Hey, Happy New Year, everybody. I'm glad that you're joining us on the Dr. John Deloney Show. Hopefully, you are still on vacation.
I know you're not, but it's fun and just a dream, isn't it? And I hope that you are launching into a new year, whether you got new goals, new identities you're trying to work into. You've got some things that you want to be different this year. Man, I really hope that you are off to a great, great start. And your 2025 is going to be something special.
extraordinary go make it so on the show we talk about mental and emotional health we talk about your relationships we talk about whatever you got going on in your life and if you want to be on the show give me a buzz 1-844-693-3291 it's 1-844-693-3291 or go to johndeloney.com slash ask a s k all right let's roll out to new york new york and talk to michael what's up michael Can you hear me?
I got you, man. How's it going? Good, man. How are you? Fantastic, brother. What's up?
Nothing much. So just to get straight into it, I'm wondering how I can navigate feelings of comparison and altogether my insecurities within my relationship, feelings of comparison to my girlfriend's late boyfriend who passed away about three years ago now.
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Chapter 2: What should I do if my partner is still affected by a deceased ex?
Three years ago. So tell me the story, man. She was dating somebody. He passed away, and now y'all are together?
Yep, correct. So they dated for nearly two years and he went away into the armed forces and he committed suicide. Or that was the story that was, or not the story, that was what was said. There's some shady circumstances there, but altogether that was what happened. He committed suicide. And so she lost him suddenly and, you know, it breaks my heart every day for her.
So yeah, that's, that's her story with that. So what's your story? My story is that, well, first off, you know, I haven't been many longterm relationships. I've been in one in my life and I was younger. I was in high school. Um, and so, you know, I'm kind of new to this. I'm still navigating it. But when it comes to this situation, um,
if that's even the right word for it situation, I would say that, you know, it's, it's hard to, for me to, um, you know, sometimes when I am with her, I feel as if maybe she's not as present with me as, you know, I'd like her to be possibly. It says, those are the right words. Um, But, you know, like I said, it breaks my heart for her every day. I can only understand how she's feeling.
I'm the first guy that she actually went on a date with or has been in a relationship since those three years ago.
How much is she bringing this up and how much are you projecting this onto your normal relationship?
Yeah, so that's exactly my concern is that I think it's probably my ego or something around there that's bringing up these feelings of, you know, oh, she's thinking about him. or in this moment she's thinking about him, when it's really not true and it's more or less just my assumptions, I need to reframe the whole situation in a way in my own mind.
Yeah, because I see a narrative that you can also create. You can create a story that you're dating somebody that's forever damaged. And that you are just this second place, like cut rate placeholder for her one true love who died when she was still a late teenager. You can make up that story.
You could also make up the story that after three years of the sun being out in her life, everything being smoke and haze and ash, She saw through the haze you, a light, someone who could bring her some joy, make her laugh again. Someone she could imagine herself having his hand in her hand. And that would be one of the most empowering, uplifting, turn, like write a new story with energy.
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Chapter 3: How can I rebuild trust after betrayal?
Chapter 4: What steps can I take to heal after a spouse's relapse?
You can also check out the daily scripture readings, nightly sleep prayers, and if you don't have much time, there's even something called the daily minute. Hallow makes it easy to build a system and a routine by making a schedule, adding reminders, and fostering a community for accountability. So start this year off right by putting your relationship with God first with the help of Hallow.
Right now, they're offering three free months when you join at hallow.com slash Deloney. That's hallow.com slash Deloney for three months of hallow, absolutely free. Let's go out to San Diego, California and talk to Jenna. What's up, Jenna?
My question is, how do I heal and rebuild trust after my husband's relapse and betrayal when I'm afraid I will never fully recover?
I have an immediate thought, but I'm going to hold. I'm going to hold. Tell me what happened.
So my husband had about almost two decades sober. Okay. He relapsed and... I went through his phone, found some inappropriate messages with his ex-girlfriend from when we were dating before we got engaged, and then some other women, and then also found some messages since we've been married of just validating other women and stuff like that.
So I feel like this has opened up a whole other can of worms.
Validating like, no, you're beautiful, or no, I love you, or send me nude pics. What do you mean when you say validating?
Telling them they're beautiful or really awesome and, you know, any guy would be lucky to have you and stuff like that.
And is that in violation of you? Yes.
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Chapter 5: Can I fully recover from my partner's infidelity?
And he's got some support and structure before he comes back out thinking his world is healing and it's laying in pieces all over his living room floor.
Right.
And it may be that his social worker says, I'm going to ask you, please don't bring this up right now. He's too fragile and he won't make it through this.
Okay.
Do you get what I'm saying? Because I know part of you doesn't want to blow his life up right now.
Right.
Because you're worried about him.
Yes. Yeah, absolutely. I know I can't control the things he does or how he reacts, but it doesn't take away from any bit of fear that I hold.
That's right. Yeah. Do you have a number of a case manager you can call?
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Chapter 6: What does it mean to build a new relationship after betrayal?
I'm going to have to sit down and decide if I want to stay married to this person. And rest assured, they're going through that stuff inside. They're walking through amends. They're walking through truth-telling. They're walking through, you may get out of here and your partner leaves you. They're going to be talking about that stuff inside, but it's just different when it happens.
Can I ask you a personal question?
Absolutely, yeah.
Are you done?
With the marriage? I don't know. What's your gut tell you? That it will never be the same. Exactly what you said.
It will. That building fell down. It's over. Yeah. Are you going to build a new building or not going to?
Something in me says I have to try.
Okay. What's that something? It could be God. It could be arrogance. It could be ego. It could be love. What is that something?
Probably love. Most likely it's love, but it's also, I can't, Sorry. You're okay.
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Chapter 7: How do I manage feelings of loss and betrayal in marriage?
Awesome. What's up?
So my question is how to best help my daughter and protect the family when she has and has had since she was probably about 10, maybe earlier. Extreme anger outbursts, they could be connected to borderline personality disorder. According to some of the research I've done, I don't know exactly what it is, but it's been pretty destructive in lives.
hers and ours well how do i how do i help her how do i protect people and also how do i deal with my own trauma when those things come up um yeah thanks for calling there's a couple of variables here how old is she she is 28 are there little ones involved she has kids she has three how old are they 11 8 and 5 is she married She is not married. She has been with her current partner for 10 years.
10 years. But he is not the father of these kids?
He is the father of the younger two, the oldest one. She does not have custody of, but she does get some time with her.
Why doesn't she have custody?
Because she and the father were married and things blew up a number of times. She ended up leaving a little over a year after the marriage and did not bring the baby with her. And really didn't pursue custody.
So she doesn't have custody. Almost always, if a mom doesn't have custody, there's physical abuse or there is substance abuse. But in this case, she just left her kid.
Right.
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