The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Orgasm Queen: Do This For 20 Minutes Before Having Sex & Have Sex With Them Like When You First Met! I Never Orgasmed Until He Tried This!
Thu, 05 Dec 2024
From sexless to sizzling, Susan Bratton shares the sexual secrets to ignite intimacy and make it last. Susan Bratton is a renowned relationship and intimacy expert. She is the CEO of ‘The 20’ and ‘Personal Life Media’ and the bestselling author of 34 books including, ‘Relationship Magic’, ‘Revive Her Drive’, and ‘Sexual Soulmates: The Six Essentials for Connected Sex’. In this conversation, Susan and Steven discuss topics such as, how to fix a sexless marriage, how cheating can save your sex life, the best way to last longer in bed, and how to get unlimited orgasms. 00:00 Intro 02:04 What Do You Do and Why Do You Do It? 02:36 Advice for Someone Struggling With Their Sex Life 04:57 Common Questions From Women 05:35 Common Questions From Men 06:27 Quality vs. Quantity 06:41 Susan's Journey to Becoming a Sexpert 08:35 Lessons Learned From Sexual Trauma 09:52 What Is Dissociation? 12:38 Susan’s Personal Issues With Sex Life 15:49 Are You Giving Mercy Sex? 17:34 How Did You Fix Your Trauma? 20:34 Identifying Problems in a Relationship 21:41 Sex Injustice and Trauma 24:15 Affair in Susan's Marriage 28:46 Non-Monogamy 31:20 How to Talk About Sex With Your Partner 34:02 How Did You Become Polyamorous? 36:20 First Audience Question 42:07 Body Image Issues 43:01 Reconnecting With Your Partner: Two Techniques 46:47 Comparisons With Other People 48:53 Removing Pressure Around Sex 50:30 Erotic Playdates 54:25 Dealing With a Partner Who Mocks Sexual Fantasies 57:04 Managing Opposite Sex Communication in Relationships 59:23 Safety + Novelty = Desire 01:01:53 Early Ejaculation 01:07:26 What’s the Most Effective Sex Toy? 01:09:36 The Pulse Queen 01:10:11 The Vibe 01:13:45 Types of Orgasms 01:19:23 Third Audience Question 01:20:13 How to Have an Expanded Orgasm With a Partner 01:20:33 Women’s Favorite Sex Toy 01:22:17 The Pleasure Protocol 01:25:55 Fourth Audience Question 01:27:35 Ads 01:28:40 Menopause vs. Libido 01:29:12 Libido, Desire, and Arousal 01:29:59 Testosterone Levels and Libido Decrease 01:31:10 When Sex Becomes Routine 01:35:37 Pornography and Masturbation 01:40:05 STI Testing 01:42:35 Knowing When to Walk Away From a Partner 01:47:25 Question From the Previous Guest 01:48:11 Question for Steven 🚀 The 1% Diary is live - and it won’t be around for long, so act fast! https://bit.ly/1-Diary-Megaphone-ad-reads Follow Susan: Instagram - https://g2ul0.app.link/Ivv8wcFA3Ob Twitter - https://g2ul0.app.link/EPecOdHA3Ob Website - https://susanbratton.com/ You can purchase Susan’s book, ‘Hot To Trot’, here: https://g2ul0.app.link/N9bCRMMA3Ob Watch the episodes on Youtube - https://g2ul0.app.link/DOACEpisodes My new book! 'The 33 Laws Of Business & Life' is out now - https://g2ul0.app.link/DOACBook You can purchase the The Diary Of A CEO Conversation Cards: Second Edition, here: https://g2ul0.app.link/f31dsUttKKb Follow me: https://g2ul0.app.link/gnGqL4IsKKb Sponsors: PerfectTed - https://www.perfectted.com with code DIARY40 for 40% off Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Chapter 1: What are the secrets to fixing a sexless marriage?
And for over two decades, her expertise has empowered millions to master pleasuring techniques, bedroom communication, and unlock their true sexual potential. Why did you focus on sex as a career?
Well, I was 12 years into our marriage. We had a beautiful daughter, gorgeous home. But I never had an orgasm from intercourse. And we thought there was something wrong with me. But this is not unique. So many of us have had problems with sex. And once we got some skills, it just... lit our sex life on fire. So here are 48 of my best sex techniques. Number one.
Number two, you have to... Number three, it's something that I love to teach men. And then there's these toys that I want to show you.
What is that?
This is a device that no one's ever seen before.
Wow. Doesn't that feel so good? Susan, this is the first time we've ever done this. We reached out to some of our audience to send us their questions.
Okay, let's unpack this. And let's start with...
This has always blown my mind a little bit. 53% of you that listen to this show regularly haven't yet subscribed to this show. So could I ask you for a favor before we start? If you like the show and you like what we do here and you want to support us, the free simple way that you can do just that is by hitting the subscribe button.
And my commitment to you is if you do that, then I'll do everything in my power, me and my team, to make sure that this show is better for you every single week. We'll listen to your feedback. We'll find the guests that you want me to speak to and we'll continue to do what we do. Thank you so much. Susan, what do you do and why do you do it?
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Chapter 2: How can I improve my sexual communication?
What did your sexual trauma teach you about sex?
Well, it taught me that I am who I've always been inside myself and that no one can take away who I am and my power and my sovereignty. I've learned that one can move through and heal from trauma and that it takes both talk therapy and empathy from someone as well as somatic release, physical body release.
and that often our greatest wound can become our greatest gift, which is what that trauma did for me.
The trauma itself?
Mm-hmm.
What did that traumatic experience convince you that sex was or wasn't?
I always liked sex, and I refused to let that trauma hurt my sex life. But the problem was that I ended up doing something called dissociating during intimacy. And so if you kind of leave the scene emotionally and you're just there physically, you really don't get that thing, that heart connection. You don't find your humanity in your lover. You can't really touch source through your connection.
Can you explain that to me, dissociation? Because I think I've heard people tell me privately that that's the issue that they had in their sex life for many, many years, that they were basically disassociated from it. What is that?
It's where you kind of, you just check out. You just, you go through the motions physically, but you're not emotionally there. It's protection against being hurt again. So once I learned that that's what I was doing, my husband would help me, Tim would help me come back to him, come back to him, come back to him. And then we started going to sex workshops.
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Chapter 3: What techniques can reignite intimacy in a relationship?
lit our sex life on fire once we got some skills. We were the blind leading the blind. Everybody's the blind leading the blind. Everybody. We don't see any good examples of heart-connected, passionate lovemaking. We don't see them in film and the movies. We don't see them in pornography. All of that is
Chapter 4: How do I deal with body image issues in my relationship?
Chapter 5: What is mercy sex and how can it affect intimacy?
But remember, I'm not a therapist, so I don't sit in a room with a client and unearth all of the issues that they have. What I do is I author passionate lovemaking techniques. I teach you how to have really good bedroom communication, how to know what you want and ask for it confidently. Have your partner love for you to ask them for what you want.
Feel good about it, not like they did anything wrong. And then know a whole bunch of pleasuring techniques, how their bodies work, what the possibilities are. Because if you're thinking about sexuality, because sex has been so censored, nobody even knows what's possible. If I say to someone, you know, there's over 20 kinds of orgasms that you can have, they'll be like, what?
And especially men, they think there's one, maybe two. Where women are like, there's 20? They are at least aware that there's more than one or two, that they could have these different kinds of orgasms. And so once you understand the communication piece and you understand the pleasure piece, then you can understand what's possible. And then you can begin to try things.
Okay, so you get an email into your inbox and it's from a woman. Yeah. If you had to bet what that question in that email was, and all you know is that it's from a lady called Suzanne, what would your guess be?
My libido is gone and I feel really guilty. I feel really bad. I'm not interested in sex. Or there's something wrong with me. I'm unhappy. I'm unfulfilled. I don't feel like what I'm doing is right. That's most common with women.
And if the email came in from a guy called David, what would you think is, before you click the email, what do you think he's asking you?
sexual biohacking, erectile dysfunction, penis enlargement, male enhancement, all of those kinds of things. Guys, a lot of men ask me about, I think there's something wrong with my penis. So that would be the number one thing that would be most likely to be in my inbox. But the second thing would be something around either I have some shame around part of my desire,
Or I'm frustrated with my partner that I'm not having the kind of sex that I want. What do I do to fix it? So fixing, fixing things. People are writing for fixing things, whether it's men or women. That's what they reach out with are problems.
Quality and quantity or one more than the other?
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Chapter 6: How do I approach the topic of non-monogamy with my partner?
Yeah, it did, right? I was married to Tim, my husband, Sir Tim. He's the prince among men. I've been with him for 33 years now. And we were 12 years into our marriage. We were a very successful Silicon Valley company. My husband invented Rhapsody, the OG Spotify. So we were both in high tech, having IPOs, doing incredibly well. We had a beautiful daughter.
We had a gorgeous home overlooking the entire Silicon Valley. It was just incredible. But we had become platonic. Not for my husband's lack of trying to have sex with me, but I just... I don't know, I just... I had sex with him for a dozen years and I never had an orgasm from intercourse. I could have an orgasm from a vibrator, but I couldn't have one from intercourse.
And I'd had some sexual trauma as a child as well, which, honestly, the majority of people have had sexual trauma, whether it's simple repression or... actual physical abuse of some kind. So many of us have had trouble and not just women, men too. People across the spectrum have had, you know, things happen to them. And I avoided him for sex.
What did your sexual trauma teach you about sex?
Well, it taught me that I am who I've always been inside myself and that no one can take away who I am and my power and my sovereignty. I've learned that one can move through and heal from trauma and that it takes both talk therapy and empathy from someone as well as somatic release, physical body release.
and that often our greatest wound can become our greatest gift, which is what that trauma did for me.
The trauma itself?
Mm-hmm.
What did that traumatic experience convince you that sex was or wasn't?
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Chapter 7: What are erotic playdates and how can they enhance my relationship?
Zooming in on that moment where you and Tim are struggling in the bedroom.
Yeah.
Chapter 8: How do couples navigate differing sexual fantasies?
How long had it been since you had had sex or how often were you having sex at that point?
Well, it petered out over time. So when we first met, we had great new relationship energy. We were having sex. But it was the kind of sex that I would call these days, grab a boob and stick it in. Very intercourse focused. Yeah. I know, exactly. Like... And, you know, I love intercourse. I teach intercourse skills because what you see modeled is really...
Oh, man, it's like kindergarten, what you see out in the market, out in the world. And so how do you have this massively, exquisitely orgasmic, mutually pleasurable intercourse? You just need to learn a couple things. That's the great thing about sex. It's like, have you ever heard that phrase, a little hinge that swings a big door? It's like an example of leverage, right?
One little hinge and a giant door. How does that little hinge swing that giant door? That's what sex actually is. If somebody tells you what to do, because, I mean, my operating system and your operating system are like everybody's operating systems, right? The human body works the way the human body does.
And so women who are walking around going, I'm broken, I can't have an orgasm from intercourse, and her husband's like, well, I guess you can't, but we're still going to have intercourse anyway. Right? I say to them, yes, you can. You just need to learn how. You just need to cross the chasm, close that orgasm gap.
And so if I can get more people to understand that if something isn't good, that they just haven't had it good yet. That's, I think, one of the biggest messages I can give to your audience is just keep learning, keep learning new skills, but don't miss all the other things. I'll give you an example of something in sex that really chaps my lips, and that is this idea that there's foreplay and sex.
That comes right out of religious repression, because sex is for procreation only, so the only thing matters is sex, and sex is intercourse. Heck no. Sex is everything. Sex is a hot makeout. Sex is rubbing our bodies together. Sex is words of appreciation, adoration, encouragement. It's languorous kissing. It's stroking each other. It's oral pleasuring. It's intercourse. It's playing with toys.
It's sex in new locations. It's you know, filming yourselves and watching it while you're holding each other later and going, oh, you know what the best moment for me was? No, tell me. The best moment for me was X, Y, Z. And you're like, are you kidding? That was your best moment? Yeah. What was your best moment? My best moment.
I mean, those are the things that make sex great, that make you want to have it again.
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