The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
PTFO - Share & Gift & Tell with Domonique Foxworth and David Samson
Thu, 12 Dec 2024
How does star treatment really work, behind clubhouse doors? (And what do you do when a player demands tickets for both his wife and his mistress?) Can you just microdose Ozempic like it’s shrooms? And what’s the worst gift you’ve ever received? Plus: Barry Bonds, “posse,” body dysmorphia, and a picture of a bicycle. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Welcome to Pablo Torre Finds Out. I am Pablo Torre, and today we're going to find out what this sound is. You a side piece. Surprise! Right after this ad.
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I have a sandwich that I had to custom build myself, which I did.
Are you talking about making a sandwich? Do you call it a custom build? When was the last time you fed yourself?
Yo, check out the build on this sandwich. I did custom build the sandwich, and I can't test it and look at it because of our delay. I've been sitting in place for 15 minutes waiting, and I could have gotten the order myself and checked to make sure that it was right, and now I have to think about it through this entire show. which also does not make my brain happy.
You're not catching me in a great moment.
Oh, man. What'd you get? What's your custom build? Yeah, what do we got? Can we guess? Can we guess? You won't be able to. What? He has such little faith in our ability to predict David Sampson's whims, Dominique.
I think he got a Lunchable.
You got a ham. You got a cheese. You got a little Capri Sun.
He's not going to eat ham.
Oh, I said ham. I've literally never eaten ham in my life. Religious reasons. That's on me. Pablo, I am despondent right now. Yeah. That's on me. You don't seem like a tuna guy. Certainly not from a store or restaurant, no. A store or restaurant? Where the f*** are you getting your tuna? I'll make my own tuna.
Which you got the tuna from a store.
No, no, I will make tuna from a can with Miracle Whip and Dijon mustard and green onion and avocado and cucumber. I will make that. Obviously, always with water and you drain it, but I will never order tuna in a restaurant. The sandwich so far sounds like it's going to be terrible. It's amazing. You just haven't figured out what it is. David, do you want to make the big reveal?
What's the big reveal? It's turkey with Tijo mustard, lettuce, brie, cheddar, onion, cucumber, jalapeno. Oh, I see. That's a build.
Yeah, I didn't realize that. I retract your previous criticism.
That is the work of a structural engineer. That's a build? God damn. I told you. I don't lie to you guys. And that in some ways is its own concern. The share and tell topic I brought with both of you guys is this Juan Soto topic. And there is a part of the John Heyman reporting on this. He's the guy who's been on top of all of this.
He tends to be on top of Scott Boris represented athletes, if you've been paying attention to the game within the game. But he has great color on this story, David. And so I just want to read a part of the reporting. Of course, Juan Soto, now a New York Met. They outbid the New York Yankees. The Mets paid $760 million over 15 years, a record price. All that stuff is true.
But it seems like one thing the Yankees would not budge on, which was startling to me, was the inclusion of a suite, a luxury suite. Quote, the Yankees felt they couldn't give a suite to Soto as part of this deal. When Judge, Aaron Judge, pays for his suite, and even Derek Jeter paid, they were willing to discount a suite, but not alter their precedent.
Meanwhile, Steve Cohen, one of the 100 richest men in the world, apparently, quote, didn't give the suite much of a thought. When he has his eyes on a prize, he is singularly focused. And so Juan Soto got the super duper duper star treatment. And it made me think about the ways in which there is, in fact, levels of superstar treatment and gifts and benefits and privileges.
And both of you guys happen to have, I would say, personal viewpoints, I assume informed by your roles in your past lives.
Let's first say that it was 765 over 15. Let's then say that there is no scenario under which Juan Soto chose the Mets because there was a suite included in the deal.
The way these deals are negotiated is that you get to the rider after, which is season tickets or suite on the road meeting a hotel room, whether or not you pay for that or whether you have the player pay for the difference between a regular room and a suite.
When there's season tickets, where the location is for the player's family, whether it's in the regular family section or elsewhere, all of that is extra stuff. No player that I've ever negotiated with had it as a dispositive moment. You're not including the sweets? It's absurd. And by the way, last thing on this, if the Yankees really were competing to win,
All they had to do was gross up the amount that they were paying Soto and tell Soto to buy the suite. And Soto would have been at par. Gross up, meaning the price of the suite each year. You can even include what the taxes would have been on that. I've been grossing up people forever. It is normal. So it's, thank you. I handed that to you.
I'm so glad that you're paying attention because you're not on your phone. So I don't buy into this notion that that went into the decision-making process.
But I think the broader point that I think is probably interesting about this conversation is not this specific negotiation, but superstar treatment. And what I took out of this particular article was... I feel very strongly about organizational culture.
And I think part of setting a culture of an organization, particularly in professional sports, is about making it clear what's acceptable and what's not acceptable. I tend to believe that those things are non-negotiable because once you start to bend on those things, you are a bit like compromising the culture.
And I think I've defined organizational culture for a bunch of different people, a bunch of different times, because I think in sports, we talk about culture a lot and we rarely understand it.
Yeah, it feels vague and fluffy.
But they are till they're not, Dominique, because I never gave a no trade clause for a long term deal ever until Giancarlo Stanton. And it was a deal breaker for him. And we gave him a no trade clause. So everything is principled and everything's culture until it's not until Barry Bonds wants a recliner. And you say, come on, nobody has a recliner. Hey, I'm Barry Bonds.
All right, we're getting the recliner for you.
A no-trade clause is different from recliner. I think a recliner is a better example. But I'm not disagreeing with you. I'm saying, so first of all, I think it's important to define what culture is in an organization. And I think it's like the acceptable processes and behaviors. And those are different from organization to organization. And I think the recliner point is more interesting.
The no trade clause, to me, doesn't bleed into the culture of an organization. That's just like, I mean, maybe you seem to disagree.
I do, Dominique, because think about that as a player. You're paying attention. You know contractual provisions of all of your teammates. And if we give an advantage to one teammate in the guarantee provision that we didn't give to another, they know it in about 45 seconds.
And so maybe that's different in MLB than in football, but I didn't feel that way at all. But I mean, I think it's fair to say that all of your decisions and all of your actions impact your culture to some degree. Some of them are negligible and some of them are enormous. And I think you're willing to bend on the negligible ones for players who are worth it.
The question is, are you going to bend on the big ones? That's where the rubber meets the road in a conversation about Juan Soto or about any organizational culture.
I think it's interesting, though, that Dominique's brain went to a place where mine did, which was, there is something, though, about the furniture that you have to see every day. There's something, David, famously, Barry Bonds had the double-wide locker as well. There is a list of examples. throughout sports history.
I mean, Giannis Antetokounmpo, you might say that Thanasis, his brother, just being around, him getting the other deal. Is that a benefit, like an extra wide double locker?
On the outside, absolutely, yes. Having a whole roster spot reserved for your brother. But the funny thing is, anytime you talk to anybody about Thanasis Antetokounmpo, and I interviewed him for my show that's More highly rated than yours. How dare you.
And anytime you talk to anybody about him, they talk about how he was the one who helped to instill and institute the culture of the team that was celebrated. When someone was slacking, even though Thanasis wasn't a high producer, he was the one that would call them to the carpet. When someone had to say something to Giannis, he was the one who did it.
And even though he wasn't a great player, I find that incredibly interesting because I would see that as... The ultimate. Yeah, it's similar to like how right now people see the Bronny situation. Right. It's like, oh, well, this organization isn't serious about winning if they're giving a roster spot to a family member. But it's funny because obviously I'm not on that team.
But anyone who you talk to who's been on that team and even guys who are gone now who have no reason to like protect him would say that, no, he was important to the culture of this team.
What I find so interesting, David, also just to sort of characterize this. It's interesting to think about this as a zero sum game, right? Like in terms of real estate roster spots, there are only so many of these that can be given out. And so someone is actively not getting something if the super duper duper star is getting it.
And your view in terms of a guy who had to worry about, okay, here's the payroll, here's the composition of the clubhouse. Your view was how often was that challenged by this privilege?
Almost every year. So the two examples in sports or baseball is when you're drafting someone internationally from the Dominican and the Busconi wants you to take the kid's brother, the kid's cousin and the kid's second cousin. And you give, you know, 50 grand to each of them just because you want to spend 800 grand to get the good player. And so you're willing to take on all the extra stuff.
And it goes all the way to the big leagues where with Vladimir Guerrero, we had to give a roster spot to his brother, Wilton Guerrero. We even got Wilton Guerrero through arbitration because Vladimir, which is Vladimir Guerrero Jr. 's father, Vladimir Guerrero Sr., a Hall of Famer, he had his brother and mother with him in Montreal. They lived together.
They ate meals together, and Wilton was part of the package. And so for us, it was necessary until he became too expensive because he was getting service time and not really all that productive.
How was he on the culture? How was he phenosis-like in terms of impacting the culture of your clubhouse?
Absolutely not. And it's an amazing thing what you're saying, Dominique. I had not heard that before. That's a position I would not still value in terms of a roster spot in basketball where there's so few of them. My growing up, there were 11. I think now there's 15 or 16. It's still not very many. That's an amazing piece of real estate. And the whole Bronny thing, don't even get me started.
The Lakers stink.
I don't want to relitigate Bronny, but Dominique, as somebody who played in the league, how obvious was it on the teams you played for that actually there were guys who were getting stuff that you guys could not dream of getting?
Yeah, I mean, so football is kind of different in that there's the quarterbacks and then there's everybody else and there's the good quarterbacks and then there's everybody else. I never played on a team with like a Hall of Fame quarterback, but there is something about, and this is a broader cultural thing, there's something about the culture of football that's very different from basketball.
I don't know baseball culture nearly as well or hockey culture, but basketball culture I feel like I know pretty well. And it's very, the hierarchy in basketball culture is obviously very clear and such that it's understood and not bucked against and there's no shame. It's almost like pride in being that guy who can subvert the rules and who can show up late.
Yeah, Joel Embiid, I was going to say, famously just got in trouble because Tyrese Maxey was calling him out, allegedly, reportedly, for having the temerity to show up and treat time as a construct. Was it mitigated or unmitigated? It seems like it was increasingly mitigated. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. So, I mean, I know that's a thing and you hear it about all types of great players who have success in football. On the other hand, I've been on teams where guys obviously had like some special treatment, but it was minimally special. Like they didn't have the suite in the hotel when we traveled. They didn't show up. They showed up to meetings five minutes early, just like everyone else.
And there's a very like team oriented thing about football players where it's like the one thing I remember my rookie year. I'm sorry. Go ahead, David.
Do you know what your teammates have when you're traveling? Yeah. So you just said that with some certainty. Do you get a room list with the actual room numbers? Of the players in where they are in the hotel?
No, but I mean, I know where everybody is staying. So there's a table put out with all the keys on it, with all the numbers on it. The team is pretty big. And then you end up on the same floor as certain guys. Like, I've had rooms next to the star players on the teams before, and we all get up and go.
Do you guys ever do a joining room slumber party?
No, we never did a joining room slumber party.
No, I would do a joining room slumber party. You used to have roommates. Early on, 30, 40 years ago, players in baseball, they would room with a teammate in a double room. Now the keys are on the table, Dominique, but there's numbers. They put the number, but often it's with names that's not the real names. They check in under fake names.
But you know that if you've got the same last two numbers as the team president, you know that's a suite. And so we would fool around with what we do with certain envelopes so that players wouldn't know who has the suite.
We didn't have that situation. I imagine that some people, and also that it didn't really care. I think that competitiveness wasn't there. And also, like I mentioned, there was bed check. That was one thing. Some people would have bed check. And we thought at first, when we first got there, everybody had bed check.
But of course, nobody was going into the 32-year-old starting quarterback's room and saying, are you there at 11 o'clock? But they were there at 11 o'clock. It was like, we only travel but so many times. So those were the things that were slightly different. I will say that the big... Advantage that I remember was my rookie year.
We were 13 and 3 we won in San Diego on New Year's Eve at the Chargers and We were headed to the flight headed to the plane because we fly back immediately headed to the plane to fly back home We'd won a division and it was New Year's Eve and champ was like we should go to Vegas This is champ Bailey greatest cornerback arguably of all time.
Don't argue It is a fact and he was like we should go to Vegas and I was like, huh? Okay, tomorrow? He's like, no, from here. I'll go ask coach. I'll see if you can come too. And he said, I'll go ask coach. And so he got a private jet.
We went from San Diego to Vegas and celebrated New Year's Eve on the rooftop at Tao between the prime minister of a Caribbean nation and Britney Spears, if I remember correctly. Where's the button that I can press? That's great. There's no way that anyone else said, can I stay in this city or can I go to Vegas? That coach would have said, yeah, get your ass on that plane. Would any of us ask?
No, it's absurd. But champ, that's the one thing that I knew that I witnessed in my first year. But from then on, I never really saw it happen much after that. Like every now and then someone would stay. If we played in their hometown, someone would stay to be with their family and then come back on Wednesday. By the Urban Meyer style, you're saying? Nothing Urban Meyer style.
Stay over. No. You know, when you're the coach of the Jaguars, maybe go to the restaurant that has your name in it. Never do anything Urban Meyer style. You have no room for the Holy Ghost. David, when you're the president of a baseball team, how much were you saying no to stuff in the flow of a season when it came to special treatments?
There were more nos than yeses. But the baseball season just has a different rhythm than the football season. You're playing 162 games in 185 days, and that's after 30 spring training games in 34 days. So it is just the grind of the season that the staying in cities later, that rarely comes up because there's so few off days during the season.
But there's stuff that other stuff is where the permission comes. It's in the clubhouse. It's special treatment for guests. It's location of seats. It's things like that that come up. Hotel rooms.
What's the most absurd ask given this array of possibilities that you hated to get because it felt like way over the line but was very common?
To have a player take both a wife and a girlfriend on a family trip on the plane. That's amazing. That was the end of our families traveling with the team. Wait a minute.
So just to spell that out.
We had to make a whole set of rules, Pablo. You want to find out? We had a whole set of rules that I developed with Larry Beinfest about what relationship was required to travel with the team on a family trip. And I said, I can't deal with this.
Wait, wait. You developed a citizenship test for someone's relationship.
What was the criteria? What were some of the criteria? I needed proof of wedding. I didn't want engagement. I didn't want, I needed proof. I'm talking like a document. Proof of wedding. Engagement wasn't good enough. No, no. Engagement. You need paperwork. I want paperwork.
So, again, this is a difference. You said I want paperwork with a level of just arousal there that I just feel like.
No, it's a pain in the ass, Pablo, to deal with this. It really was not fun. The traveling secretary would come to me and talk about the layout of where rooms are in the hotel because where players were, this is such a bigger deal than people would think. You have to have girlfriends in a different place than wives, different floors, different parts of the stadium where people are sitting.
Certain family members don't sit near each other. It's a whole magilla.
We're talking girlfriends. So, like, I could understand wives not wanting to be with girlfriends, but we're not talking about wives and girlfriends of the same player. Yes, we are. Okay, yeah. No, I mean, we had that situation on our teams also in the travel secretary, but it's only eight home games. The travel secretary, you could... I mean, I remember guys...
having to put people in different spots and then that becomes an argument because there is one spot where you get access to friends and family like the little backstage area and then if you don't get access to that you recognize that you a side piece surprise surprise i'm in a 300 level customs stopped and i'm outside oh i don't get the wristband this week this is incredible dominique this is all true and i love that you're backing me on this and now picture 81 home games
And picture a stadium that's not faux. It's a total nightmare.
We are far, far away from the building championship culture now, just staying afloat. Hopefully, we don't have a fight in the stands between wives and girlfriends. That is a lot. The biggest benefit, I think, to the star players was also a benefit to the team for us in football because football practice is intense. That was the thing that stood out where we were like, damn, must be nice.
You ain't got to practice today. And it was one because they were had enough credibility. They knew they would be fine. But two, because their bodies were breaking down. So it was like it's kind of a special dispensation. But it also was like we need you on Sunday. So how about you chill out on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday? We give you some drugs on Sunday morning and you go play.
And then you recover next week by watching film and not practicing.
Yeah, that's a whole other thing is trying to discern injury from... not wanting to do infield or not wanting to take BP. And so we're monitoring always the trainers and the training staff. And that's why we mark everything down of any player who walks in and what they say, what's bothering them. We do it both for coverage and workers' comp purposes, but also to understand who's just hung over.
And so what I would try to do with the players is just say, be honest. We don't want to put you on the report if you're just on the training table because you have a headache and your headache is because you were out all night. Do it. Go sleep in a dark room. But we're only going to put you on the report if you're hurt.
So that's another funny thing that goes on during the course of a season behind the scenes.
How prevalent is that in baseball? Because that to me sounds so... And again, it's about the length of the season, but it sounds so absurd to me in the football context. Like any player who did that, it would be like... it would feel like an affront to the team. This is a big percentage of your schedule. Yeah, guys would be so mad at a guy who showed, like, hey, we got to work.
Like, you showed up to – I've been on teams where a guy had a drinking problem and showed up to practice drunk all the time. And we wanted him out more than the coaches did. Like, it's – our livelihood and safety, frankly, is dependent on – and I guess baseball is a very individual –
team sports so it's like all right that wants to do that with his career it's not going to impact the way i hit or the way i feel well some of them i i think that if i did the math i was a president for 208 sunday games roughly if i had a guess nothing more fun than math let's do some more math 205 of 208 someone came in hung over on us for a sunday game from a saturday night to an afternoon game uh and more than one player some players were better
I love you, Miguel, and I've said this to your face, but Miguel Cabrera could hit the ball and he would just aim for the middle ball. And it was just incredible what he was able to do. Other guys were not able to perform when they were hungover.
So I was going to get to that. I love you, Mickey, by the way. We certainly believe that less than we did before you said that story.
No, I really do, actually. Even though you snitched on him.
I was going to wonder aloud about the bottom line performance criterion of just, hey, is this guy actually just worth it, right? He's still hitting. He's still the guy we need to give the ball to at the end of the game. LeBron, again, famously, just to add another example from recent history, remember when Phil Jackson got in trouble for the posse comment? Mm-hmm.
He got in trouble because he was objecting to the treatment that LeBron was begrudgingly given by Pat Riley, who was running the Heat, because LeBron got to dictate his travel schedule. His friends, like his business partner, Maverick Carter, as well as his other associates that he wanted to bring along.
He didn't get in trouble because he objected to that.
He got in trouble because of... He used the word that felt like it did not reflect an understanding of the legitimacy of those guys and also the racial history of America in general. All of these things are true. Thank you for clarifying that, Dominique.
Yeah, you're welcome.
But the point being that he's LeBron, of course.
Many jobs of the black man. I got to do everything around here. That's right. Player empowerment's a real thing.
Yes, I'm talking about player empowerment, right? And what we're really talking about is superstars getting to dictate terms in a way that reflects their understanding of the scarcity of their talents.
The hardest thing to do is when a player's been empowered and they're really, really worth it. And then time passes and they're not worth it. And it's really hard to claw back the power that you've given the player.
I want to tell you a story. I'm serious here. My wife and my two daughters, they begged me to buy a Peloton. So I bought a Peloton. And then I watched that Peloton sit in my office and stare at me. So you know what I did one day? I looked at it. And so I decided to get off my ass and I jumped on the Peloton because no one else was using it and I paid for it. I mean, so why not?
Then I realized eventually that they bought it for me. And I got to tell you, way more challenging than I could have ever imagined. Peloton coaches are walking the walk. I love the coaches. I do the Grateful Dead one. It's fantastic. They have a sub three hour marathon runner, military trained athlete, a former college basketball player, and so many other well-rounded coaches on their team.
All this experience really shows in their classes, which are never short of challenging, especially for me personally. So I jumped on it that first time. It was challenging, more challenging than I thought. And then I wanted to beat the bike. And so I kept jumping on it. And I absolutely love it. I mean, I'm the only one who uses it. But again, they got it for me. I mean, I had no idea.
That's a little passive aggressive, don't you think? Find your push. Find your power with Peloton at OnePeloton.com.
All right. It's time for me to take the wheel back. There's another story, David, that I thought of you when I was reading it because it is titled, The Allure of Microdosing Ozempic. So there is a whole, and Dominique is giving a face that I think is the right reaction when I say, David Sampson, I thought of you when I was reading this story.
And the subhead is, some people are taking tiny amounts of weight loss medications, hoping to drop pounds while avoiding side effects. Does it work? And the spoiler alert on this is that there is no real solid scientific consensus, but it does seem like there is a community of people that is seeing benefits from this in a way that feels both encouraging,
because it speaks to, again, the way the body's chemistry and the science of both weight loss and hunger are actually shaped by levers we can pull, but also seems like it's too early to spike the football. We've solved the problem of people struggling to lose weight. And I think of David, Dominique, because I don't think a lot of people know this necessarily.
And David, forgive me if this is not the intro that you wanted, but weight is something that you personally have learned had to reckon with, despite the fact that no one would look at you and say, that is a guy who is struggling with weight.
Well, you can't judge a book by its cover. Yes, I have always, I've never been what other people would consider overweight, but I have always had a tremendous body dysmorphia issue. And so I view myself right now, actually, as not as looking about as bad as you can look at the end of a day like this. So I know what you're talking about.
And I've looked at all sorts of herbs and all sorts of ways to lose weight. And it turns out that the best way that I ever found to lose weight was to be actually sick and I had a disorder. And it turns out that that's probably not the best plan either. So it's a multi-billion dollar industry full of bad plans.
And David, when you say you were sick and had a disorder, that was the way you lost weight. What are you describing there? Just so we can bring people into this conversation.
I was an anorexic for a bunch of years while I was running a professional sports team. While running marathons, I was sick. When did it develop? When did it develop? It really started when I was very young. I always had this weird view of myself.
I'm always, even as I sit here today, all these years later, all I'm thinking about when I do shows or when I'm in public and when I'm in private, it's every moment that I'm awake is I'm thinking of my stomach. It's all I think about. So if you ever look at me in pictures, I'm often, I cross my hands over my front so people can't see. I'm very cognizant of how I look from the back, whether or not
I'm flat down by the waist. And when I see a little roll or something like that, it makes me insane. It's a horrible thing to have what I have. And it was years of therapy. I was down to 117 pounds in a very public job. And I thought that's the best I've ever looked. And I still look at those photos because they're on Google. And I still view them as the best I've ever looked in my life.
And I would run 20 miles and purposely not eat the entire day. And while running a baseball team. That's how you lose weight. And now I'm about as heavy as I've ever been at about 139. I used to weigh myself about 25 times a day. Before and after every time going to the bathroom. Before and after every course of a meal. I mean, I was sick. I really have never talked about that.
That's a disappointing thing to say out loud.
I joke about how you have content brain all the time. But I'm not joking. This is the most content brain of all content brain. We can talk about it. It's fine. As long as David is comfortable talking about it.
Hold on. Hold on. David is clearly comfortable enough to want to talk about this. Okay. I have a real conversation in real life with David. He can vouch for this. And then I'm reading all these news stories and I'm like, wait a minute. This is something that I want to talk to Dominique and David about because David is as described. I am somebody who has had an incredible metabolism.
And Dominique, I've shared this with you, but it's really just me calling myself out. You know, it's like, oh, wait a minute. Am I pre-diabetic now because I'm not eating healthily? Which is the thing that I have, by the way, last blood test, I've gotten out of it for now. We're all pre-diabetic. I know. We're all day-to-day, as they say.
But the point being that I am feeling as a dad, like when David said I cover my stomach with my arms, you may notice on the YouTube or DraftKings Network that I was also doing that for the same f***.
reason and i am realizing my metabolism is is done and i need to figure out uh my own issues with like how do i look in public and dominique is of course a former professional athlete whose physical health has been something he invests in in a rigorous way and so here we are three legs of a f***ed up tripod and i just wanted to revel in that for a second we reveled
I've been with you both. And Dominique, you are obviously a very fit, attractive man. And Pablo, I always assumed you were resting your arms, not covering anything. I thought they were on the ledge. I'd say that you look good in butter. There's no question about that. But listen, Pablo, I love you and I love us. But you are not a butter face. But this is a serious issue.
I hate that we're making light of it. I'm not happy to admit. no one wants to talk about this stuff. And I'm not happy to have to talk about it. It's uncomfortable, but I'll tell you that It's not better because I still think about it every day, every day, all day. I think about what I look like, how I feel. I'm very hyper aware of every little thing that happens.
I used to be a tremendous picker if I had a blemish anywhere. And so I had to wear gloves to stop myself from picking. So I'm aware of all these things that people struggle with and it's not easy. And now I would choose to be a public figure, which I am, but guess what? We're all public figures because of social media.
And so even if you're not in the world of media with your feed or your Instagram or Snapchat, there's kids and adults going through this and it sucks. It just downright sucks. It drains the life out of you. It makes you exhausted to have to be a certain way all the time. And that's the world. And now I'm a part of it.
David, the word you use, which I think is appropriate, and by the way, I do want to acknowledge, right? Like, the reason I find all of this especially interesting is because we are dudes. And this is typically something that women, of course, are socially conditioned to be horrified by. And we've seen many movies about that. This, I think, relatively less so, which is why I want to lean into it.
But you used the word before, which is dysmorphia. And I think that is a good word for this because it of course describes a feeling of profound unease or dissatisfaction, but it also indicates that there is a misalignment of reality and perception.
And so when David is the guy, David, who is analyzing a table of hotel key cards with numbers, and he's a guy who is examining a stadium and picking out every little flaw and making sure it's right, it does track that you would turn that same gaze onto yourself.
in a way that indicates, even though you're the guy who also, I don't think you've said this explicitly on this show, this bluntly, you're the guy who once ran how many marathons and how many continents and how many days, right? Seven and seven and seven?
Well, there are only seven. Okay, well. I'm just saying it's not. I've had more people ask me that. You ran on every continent? Yeah, there's only seven.
I feel like that sort of proved my point actually, the one I was gesturing towards. But David, the point being that of course you're also that guy. You can't turn it off.
I think there's a lot of people who are just struggle with this and what the dysmorphia is, is that you see something that other people don't see, which is why with you two, I do it all the time, both on and off camera. I'm always testing, hey, are you sort of hearing what I'm hearing and then reacting how I'm reacting to this?
Paavo and I spend hours talking about this, and Dominique and I, we've talked about this sort of thing. That's where the testing comes from. I'm always testing.
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I feel like we should go with a bit of a holiday spirit topic. And I want to know the best and worst gifts you guys have received.
I'm ready to go, Dominique. So this is David's superpower.
David, you give him a prompt. He's like, got it in a second. And it makes me think that he has contemplated every question I've ever asked anybody ever. This is not rehearsed.
I know. This is not rehearsed. I've never heard this question before.
I did not prep you guys about this.
I read the other article getting ready to talk about that, but I'm fine with this. Let's do it. I think we've talked enough about bodies. Yeah. Spoiler alert. And locker rooms.
Yes. My mother and father got me the same desk set three years in a row. The same exact thing when I was in eighth, ninth, and tenth grade. It was a pencil holder. It was a thing where you put your papers on. There were no computers at the time. It was a three-piece set. One was for pens and pencils. One was for a stapler. And one was the square thing that you put on top of your desk.
Three years in a row, same one.
That's the worst, right? Not the best. That's the worst gift.
Oh, that's the worst. Yes. Okay, I was just making sure. I mean, I... A little hard to tell sometimes. Surprise. Oh, my God. It was horrifying to me at the level of, at the lack of attention to detail or the absolute care.
I believe it's called mens rea when it comes to the criminal law. What is the motive here that you have diagnosed?
Oh, it's just lack of knowing me or lack of paying attention, lack of care, lack of all that stuff. It's horrifying. It's horrifying. It makes you feel totally unappreciated or loved. It's terrible. It's the same freaking thing three years in a row.
I do love that the guy who can't stop paying attention to the most microscopic detail is given three years in a row the same gift again.
as if he wasn't giving it the year prior. So I'm not a big gift guy. And so I... would guess that this is probably also consistent with other things that you felt. Because I don't really consider myself a great gift buyer. I don't really want gifts from anybody in my life. But I do consider myself a good friend, partner, parent.
And I consider people around me good to me without giving me any good gifts. Because when you ask me that question, I go back to my childhood. And think about the Sega Genesis, which had no meaning to me, had no value. It's just like the happiest I remember being opening a present was like... a Sega Genesis that I really wanted.
Most of the other times, I don't know, at a certain age, I don't really care about gifts, and it's really hard to find a gift that'll grab your attention, right?
So I agree that, and I was going to pivot to sort of how gift-giving in adulthood as a parent has been so much not about me anymore to the point where, like, I can't remember, but... I want to go to the Sega Genesis thing for a second because that feeling of like unboxing a gift is both something that I, on some level, am chasing, even if I don't totally know it.
And I know that others are because the most popular, of course, genre, one of the most popular genres on YouTube, of course, is unboxing videos in which you're watching other people unveil their gift. And so there is just something about that feeling of being a kid, getting a present, and the promise of this is exactly...
It's the promise of your emotional needs will be satisfied by this material possession. And over time, that has been worn down to such a raggedy nub. But at the time, as a fellow Sega Genesis haver, I remember that exact Christmas of being like, oh my God, this hedgehog is going to make me happy. And it did for a while. And now as an adult, I'm like you, Dominique, I am not a good gift giver.
I am a self-gifter where I'm just like, okay, I feel like- If you want it, you buy it. Yes. So the worst gift I've given is the gift I gave to myself, which is I am one of the idiots who bought the Apple Vision Pro. Oh, there it is. Me and David Sampson, both raising our hands. We bought the VR headset.
I re-gifted it to my son for his 21st.
Amazing. First off, we should talk about re-gifting. But how many times did you use it, David, before you decided to re-gift it? It was unopened.
Oh, my God. Do you give good gifts or have you over the course of your children's lives given them good gifts? No. It's funny because you recognize how much it hurts you and you're just like, yeah, do it to them too.
It's, listen, what's good for the goose is good for the gander.
But the goose is clearly not happy with it.
It was bad for the goose. It was traumatic for the goose. It's goose shit, but it's a goose nonetheless. I don't think we necessarily agree on the meaning of this idiom.
Yeah, I don't think we do at all. Yeah, my kids always ask me what I want, and I always tell them, give me a hug. This year, my oldest daughter kept asking me, so I said, I would like you to put your clothes away every day from now until Christmas without me asking you. And she rolled her eyes at me. So I was like, I don't know. I don't... Like, write me a card.
I don't... Did you guys ever do the thing where you gave... I remember giving my mom this.
Coupons. Yes.
Yeah, I knew you were going to do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You write a custom coupon book, and it's like, I will clean my room. I will, whatever, not play Sega Genesis. And you would tear them off and hand it to your mom. Ever think, David, you're familiar with the coupon as a... Creative project?
One time I got a coupon saying that I would get a bike, and it was just a picture of a bike, and I never got the bike. I ended up with just the picture. So I do not traffic in coupon gifts at all.
Tell me something. Tell me something happy, David. Something happy about your childhood. No, I mean, I just want to hear something happy about your childhood. Or something that, some experience with your children that you had that was, like, incredibly meaningful.
I have one. When I was 13... i had a bar mitzvah and the hottest girl in the grade came to my bar mitzvah and she came in a purple skirt and i remember the outfit and i was in love with her so much and i didn't think i had a chance that she would come to little old me my lunchtime bar mitzvah and she came to that and it was the greatest gift i've ever gotten in my life
What happened at the party?
Congratulations.
I think that's it. I think that's it.
I think she just came. What do you mean? That was the gift? Yeah, I don't think that he got a kiss or anything. A kiss? Don't be ridiculous. I barely got a glance or a gander, but it was good enough for me. We were in the same space. Good for you, Goose.
I was going to say, it's rare that the control room weighs in through my ear and just says, David is bumming everybody out.
Oh, I don't mean to. I'm the luckiest guy in the world. You guys are not playing it right. I'm just giving you stories. You guys, I'm so sorry. I'm very fortunate. Literally, I'm the luckiest person I know. So don't feel badly for me. I'm more than fine. More than fine.
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What did we find out today, guys, on this episode of Pablo Torre Finds Out, an episode in which we found out, I think, a lot of stuff, personally. Yeah. But, Dominique, do you want to lead us off with the revelation that you have developed here today?
I found out that the depths of Pablo's content brain know no floor. Mm-hmm.
Take that as a compliment. I found out that the depth of Dominique's competitive nature knows no bounds.
I found out that both of you guys are bad at finding out because all of those things should have been obvious from episode one that we ever did together. Oh, man.
That's a good one.
I invoke superstar privilege. The show is over. Get the f*** out of here. Thank God. See you later, guys. Thank you. Love you guys.
This has been Pablo Torre Finds Out, a Meadowlark Media production. And I'll talk to you next time.
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