We kick things off with a new song before Greg explains the rivalry between people named Greg and people named Gary. Then, Dan reveals Billy's stye, Billy takes us back with some classic movies, David Letterman might have been a jerk to his interviewees, and the origins of the hammer throw. Plus, Greg's granddaughter was bit by a child vampire, so the crew gets to the bottom of how that might impact her, the origins of vampires, and how Greg can avoid a similar fate. Also, Dan tells us the SECOND most embarrassing story from his Super Bowl week in New Orleans. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Chapter 1: How does the Greg vs. Gary rivalry unfold?
It's 11 a.m. on a Thursday. The media crowd shuffles in. There's an old man sitting next to me, smoking cigs as we ask our questions. He says to us, who needs me, dummy? As the dolphins head to play the bills. But he's talking to me, I am young Greg Cody. Writing columns with takes that'll kill. La, la, la, that kind of thing. La, la, di-di-da-da-ding.
I gotta go to Buffalo with Bernie Bumbley I will always remember that quote from a Dolphins coach named Gary
Put it on the pole, Juju. Are we still making Gary's? I don't feel like a baby right now. Any parent would say, you know what? I want my baby, when it comes out of the womb, to be so cute. And then I'm going to name it Gary. See you, Gary. I don't think that's something that's happening anymore.
Gary the bag. Oh, for the love of God. The bag.
He loves going inside, and look who follows him into the breach. Big surprise. See you, Gary. Ready, Freddy? Gary the Bag, of course, for those of you who don't know. And that's all of you. Everyone knows the Bag.
Everybody knows Gary the Bag. Unless you were at my dad's 70th, because he was a star that night.
No, he's the staple of the Greg Cody Show podcast. That's not true. Nah, you know, might as well be. But when I was a kid, I'm being serious here, Gary's and Greg's were bitter rivals. Right. Like if you were named Greg, you felt superior to Gary's. But the opposite was true. It was like, I don't know that there's any two names now that are rivals. Wow. But Gary and Greg.
Well, those aren't either. Oh, believe me, they are. So why were you guys such good friends if this rivalry existed?
Well, because... Straw man!
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Chapter 2: What are the causes and remedies for a stye?
Gary and Greg in the 70s and 80s were staples in the top 30 names for boys.
Yes.
They no longer are.
I thought Greg beefed with Craig's. No.
I thought one G Greggs feuded with two Gs. He said that.
That 100% is a thing. That's 100% accurate. And it's also accurate to say that Greggs felt and feel superior to Craigs. Yeah. A Craig is a Gregg wannabe. To his point, I do hate Chris's with a K. Yeah.
Yeah, exactly. What are we making more of these days, Craigs or Greggs?
It's got to be Greg. Has to be. Yeah, Craig's a misspelling.
Gregory? That's what it's short for?
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Chapter 3: What classic movies are discussed in this episode?
And if you did notice, it's polite of you not to point and say what's wrong with your face, freak. Which is how I received it. But what's happening?
What happened?
My body's betraying me, Dan. I'm old. What do you want me to tell you? I'm old. My body for the past week and a half has been betraying me. I sprained my ankle the other day. I thought that was the worst of it. That was just the tip of the iceberg. Had that. Then I had a stomach thing. Possibly the flu. Talked some Tammy flu. Knocked that out. You know, second day of Super Bowl.
I got a sty on the bottom of my left eye. So... All my contacts that I had, you know, rationed for the week were no longer necessary. I just had to wear my glasses because I looked like a freak. Then I come back and, you know, I'm still a little exhausted. My sty jumps from the bottom of my eye to the top of my eye. And here we are. Here we are.
But I'm just a man trying to power through it and hopefully not be, you know, called out on my disgusting looks. But... I guess that is a luxury not afforded to me.
When I was a teenager, I used to get styes when I was dealing with a lot of stress or anxiety. So if there's anything or anyone in your life that's really stressing you out, you should probably cut that out.
Put it on the poll at Levitard Show.
The stye. You're stuck with him.
Have you ever had a sty at Levitard show? Are those stress-induced? Those are stress?
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Chapter 4: Was David Letterman rude to his guests?
He comes back. He was just ripping people's hairs off and smelling it. Smelling hair. Drew Barrymore's hair. Weird.
Then she went on a cruise. Word association with Crispin Glover. It's the only time I've ever seen it in the history of the David Letterman show, where right before a break, he came very close to kicking David Letterman in the face. And then when they came back from the break, he was no longer on the air like that. They just they just said Crispin Glover.
They didn't even explain why Crispin Glover came that close without saying to kicking Letterman in the face. But he was removed from the premises and they never said anything about it.
He's a grump, right? David Letterman, like everyone's like, oh, legend. He's so great. But he seemed like did not really have a great sense of humor at times if he was like the one that was being laughed at. And like also secretly like kind of rude to guests.
Well, one of the things that has been interesting to me in the history of late night is how many of these people had such pressurized environments that the people who worked for them and with them. This is said of The Tonight Show now with Jimmy Fallon, like things that you would think are fun end up being so pressurized that even David Letterman will tell you now when I hear him interviewed now.
And I love listening to Letterman. He will have some remorse, some great remorse about how he didn't enjoy any of that more or make it more fun while it was happening.
Yeah, there's always a big expose about behind the scenes and how people feel in those uber creative environments. It breeds a lot of creativity, a lot of stars, but also there's a lot of stress. People personalize their creative ideas in ways that they don't if you were to turn in a TPS report and the numbers were off.
In the Pride of a Lion book that McGill and I did, he tells a story in one of the chapters about how he had such a wonderful experience with Jay Leno doing Late Night, but it was the polar extreme with David Letterman. that David Letterman was just not a nice guy.
What chapter is this?
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Chapter 5: What insights are shared about Michael Jackson and Prince?
Thank you. I do appreciate you doing a little work. Yes, I appreciate your work on the way out the door.
I always associated Crispin Glover with Like Mike. That smash hit. Really? Marty McFly's dad. Oh, I guess that's fair. Him and Jesse Plemons, both, like Mike.
Chris, let's get to our boldest take of the week. I have not been happy with our audience here in leaving bold takes. The takes need to be bold, and this segment, I don't believe, has yet worked, and I'm actively blaming the audience for this because we have a new telephone number, okay? And we had to change this a couple of different times because you people aren't doing it correctly.
What do you mean by you people? 305-486-GOTS is now the number. And I want these to be better because we've given a couple of prizes that weren't deserved, okay? We've got the entirety of the world at our disposal that can call this telephone number and be funny, be wise, be clever. I know many of you listening to this think you can do this.
think you can give takes, are good at giving takes at the bar when you're talking to your friends, but then all of a sudden when you call this line, they all stink and they haven't been good enough. So are you telling me, Chris, that we're gonna do this better now? Because I think Boost Mobile deserves better from our audience than what it is they've been getting.
I'm always saying that our audience, when it competes on Clevver, And we've closed the text lines. We don't have a lot of phone lines. Our audience, when it competes on Clever, I'd put up against anybody's audience competing on Clever. I have gotten no proof of that with these calls. So I'm hoping the new phone number gives us more luck here. So what do you have here, Chris?
I have a non-sports take. Because to your point, they were too sportsy. We got a lot of submissions about the Super Bowl. A lot of row spins great. A lot of offensive, like my dad, the defensive line, offensive line is very important. Not bold enough. And with Boost Mobile, the boldest take from the weekend, it's presented by Boost Mobile, the newest 5G network in the country.
When you call 305-486-GOTS, give us the good stuff. And so this one we have here, the winner for this weekend, it's not sports related. It's a random life take, and it's about processed meat.
Hey, this is Keegan from Vermont. My bold take is that lunch meat, like, you know, turkey, chicken, ham, freaking creepy. Like, why is it cooked but now it's cold again? It's all slimy. It's weird. It's a great point.
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Chapter 6: How can listeners participate with their boldest takes?
Yeah.
Like, seven-year-olds don't even know to lie yet. You know, they always tell the truth. Oh, they do. Do they? Okay.
You think seven-year-olds always tell the truth? You think a seven-year-old Stugatz was out here truth-telling?
I think he was just working on his craft. They're just now learning to lie. They're lying a lot.
A vampire, an older vampire is more likely to lie than a younger vampire. I think that's very true. Because they know more about the social stigmas that come with being a vampire, and they know that this is something that I should hide from the general public. We're young vampires just going around telling the truth all willy-nilly, just thinking this society accepts vampires.
Exactly right. When you're seven, you're proud to be a vampire. Exactly right.
But do vampires age? It's a very rude thing to do to turn... a seven-year-old into a vampire. As Anne Rice's interview with The Vampire told us, they end up living this long, very mature life, but they are stuck as a little girl and it causes all sorts of problems. That's why one of the unwritten rules in the interview with The Vampire series is never change a young person.
I think the question for this young vampire is how long have you been a seven-year-old vampire?
Well, like Vampirina? Because Vampirina is like, she's growing up.
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Chapter 7: What is the purpose of the sponsorship messages?
Yes.
But there is for voting. Crazy. So the baby vampire would have fangs then, right, when it's teething? No, not all of them do.
If you turn your attention to Nosferatu, which just borrowed from, well, stole, famously, from Bram Stoker's Dracula, they had front teeth, the original Nosferatus, and in this one, the mustache covers that teeth. However, while the vampire doesn't age and stays in its form from like the mid-1600s, the skin is dead. being fed on by maggots and rats.
So that provides a bit of a hurdle for Nosferatu. Now in the originals, the reason why Nosferatu had the pointy ears and the pointy nose is, no matter what, and the nails as well, those parts of your body age throughout, even after you die. It would have been nicer to see that in Robert Eggers' telling.
Could a toddler vampire lose the fangs the way a toddler loses teeth? Excellent question. And then do you only do it once?
Don't nails still grow after humans die? That's why I invoked the Nosferatu rule. Please follow along. I am following along and I don't need the condescension of please follow along. I was asking about human beings, not vampires. I was asking about human beings. There will be a quiz.
Pay attention then. Not shockingly, my dad handled this incident the same way he did the golf thing where he got way more angry than I did about this. He's like, you got to call the school. That kid should be expelled.
Someone needs to protect your granddaughter.
The vampire was suspended from school. Good. For how long?
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