Episode #739: Bryan and Krissy are back with another jam-packed episode filled with gators, grifters, and giggles. Bryan recounts a harrowing—and hilarious—trip to a Florida gator farm, where the alligator Lucy may or may not be plotting a full-blown escape. Meanwhile, Jake Paul buys 5,600 acres in the swampy backwoods of Georgia (what could go wrong?), and Billy McFarland continues his delusional Fire Fest 2 journey, which now involves theater productions, ad-supported TV, and possibly marshmallow-fed reptiles. TCBit: Andy Dandy has a report on which terms the kids are using online. Watch EP #739 on YouTube! SHOW NOTES: The Everglades: great for airboat rides, not great for your blood pressure Fire Fest: now accepting offers via Craigslist (probably) Mempho Festival 2025 lineup revealed—hello, Widespread Panic Vintage TCB stickers and the finger-dip Molly days A shoutout to Wendy the gator—official mascot of chaos Text us or leave us a voicemail: +1 (212) 433-3TCB FOLLOW US: Instagram: @thecommercialbreak Youtube: youtube.com/thecommercialbreak TikTok: @tcbpodcast Website: www.tcbpodcast.com CREDITS: Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Executive Producer: Bryan Green Producer: Astrid B. Green Voice Over: Rachel McGrath TCBits Written, Voiced and Produced by Bryan Green To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Chapter 1: Who is Andy Dandy and what teenage slang is he reporting on?
And welcome back to WSHIT. It's 8.02 on the studio clock. I'm Andy Dandy, your man on the streets. In a continuing effort to keep parents in the loop about teenage behaviors in the age of the internet, WSHIT continues its series on teenage verbiage. You never know what those teenagers might be talking about in their AOL chat rooms or through their Yahoo email accounts.
Our reporter Jim Swagger got to the bottom of some of the more notable phrases being used by the teens today.
Fuck.
I don't know how many I had, but boy, did I get bucked. I sure felt that the next morning that was really the worst thing I'd ever done. I hope you didn't drive home. No way.
MacGyver is in the TV show where the impossible is often accomplished. I can't believe you got off that speeding ticket. What a MacGyver. Norville, to secretly undermine.
What? I can't believe she stole your job. You've really been Norville'd.
Black and Decker, or a real tough assignment. You get the analogy, right?
This job is a real grind. It's just a Black and Decker.
Some phrases may be around forever.
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Chapter 2: What happened at the Florida alligator farm with Lucy the alligator?
On this episode of the Commercial Break.
Oh, yeah, we got a crocodile farm, you know, alligator farm. We done raised them from the babies, and then we make them into meat and clothing and stuff like that.
We sell them all. And we're like, oh, and then Bob's like, yeah, see, that's Lucy. And Lucy caused trouble all kind of time.
You see, one time I done left the place unlocked, and Lucy done crawled up, used her paw, and opened up the door, and then closed the door behind her. Ha, ha, ha.
And then we came in one morning, and Lucy stuck it. I opened the door, and there's Lucy. I had two hours. We tried to get Lucy out of there. Finally, I had to go get a chicken, a live chicken down the road, crack its neck, and get Lucy out with the chicken. So now we got a different door, doorknob, because Lucy knew how to open the other one.
I'm like, oh, my God. Where the fuck are we?
The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now.
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Chapter 3: What is the story behind Jake Paul's land purchase in Georgia?
Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Kristen Joy Holey. Best to you, Kristen. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. Jake Paul is going to be our neighbor, I'm just reading, here in Georgia. Yeah, yeah. I mean, not technically our neighbor.
He's going to be way down south Georgia. I was going south. Lake Seminole. You know where Lake Seminole is?
I really don't.
Lake Seminole. Like Seminole fluids. Lake Seminole. He just bought 5,600 acres for $42 million overlooking Lake Seminole, which is in the far southwest corner of Georgia. Now, I happen to know Lake Seminole because I visited there for a couple of real estate-related deals that, of course, I did not follow through on.
I actually went south.
I actually, it went south. It never even went anywhere. And so now Jake has bought all this land that probably was the land I was looking at. Yes. So again, I have failed to make any money off anything. 5,600 acres. That's one big spread.
That is a huge spread.
But that's where you find that kind of land, way down in southwest Georgia.
That's true, close to Florida.
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Chapter 4: What dangers and wildlife are found in the Everglades and surrounding swamps?
Have you watched any of his show? Don't they have a show on Max?
They have a show on Max where they've tried to normalize their behaviors. Yes, they have. Listen, there's part of me that really dislikes the Paul brothers, kind of what they stand for in the world. But there was part of me that disliked Jerry Springer, too. And there was part of me that disliked Judge Judy and part of me that disliked Dr. Phil and part of me...
But then once you kind of pull back the obnoxiousness a little bit, you find out that they're just human. And in some ways they have done like, I don't, I'm not saying they've done a bunch of good for the earth. That's not what I'm saying. Like that. I don't think they're Jesus Christ superstar or anything like that. But they are human beings who have made their own way in the world.
And they found a talent that people attach themselves to and really struck a chord at the right time. They were at the right place at the right time.
Made a lot of money.
Yeah. I said this the other day on the show when I was on some kind of rant that, you know, fortune favors the bold. It doesn't. Luck favors the bold. But they were bold at the right time in the right place. And they rode that YouTube wave all the way to billionaires, essentially. Yeah. No. No.
Just the snake that got on your house.
Yeah, just that snake got on my house. But that would have been there regardless if the commercial break was around. And the bird that I killed by slamming the door too hard. Okay.
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Chapter 5: How did Bryan's airboat ride experience in the Everglades go?
Well, you didn't know there were eggs in there.
I had no idea. Now they're in the pool house.
Oh, they are.
And the house finches are in the pool house.
They nested in there.
Yeah. Me and my daughters were watching them fly all around and grab food. And the papa bird was protecting the nest. And she dive-bombed Blue. The male one did. Because I think it's the male that actually protects the nest and sits on the eggs and all that. Dive-bombed Blue. I let Blue out the back. And Blue went to go walking over there. And she dive-bombed Blue. And Blue was like, ah!
It's kind of funny, actually. But listen, the Paul brothers are who they are, and they've done what they've done, and they've made a killing doing that. If I had to pick one, I would say Jake is probably the one that I like a little bit better than the other one. What's his name?
The one that just did the fight with Mike Tyson.
The one that just did the fight with Mike Tyson. Aaron?
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Chapter 6: What is the latest update on Billy McFarland and Fyre Fest 2?
I'm so sorry, everybody. I'm so sorry I'm so stupid, everybody. Let me apologize in advance.
But it's bigger than the Okefenokee?
Way bigger than the Okefenokee. It's like the biggest national park there is. Let me see here. Hold on, and I'll get it right. I've driven through it a million times, and now just for some reason I can't remember what it is. It is the—it's Big Cypress, but what is the swamp called? The Big Cypress National Preserve is the— What is the... Oh, fuck. I don't know. Okay. All right.
Once again, Brian can't remember what it's called. The Everglades National Force.
Oh, the Everglades. Yeah.
The Everglades and the National and Big Cypress, they kind of butt up against each other. That is... And that is where some people say is the most, like the survival people say is the most dangerous place in the world to try and survive is down in that.
I've heard that. I've seen like little nature documentaries about it.
Because no shit Florida panthers. And those panthers are huge. And they will eat people. And they will attack people. And then you've got the gators. And then you've got the snakes. And then you've got every kind of like, you know, fish in the world that can kill you. Like the snaggletooth.
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Chapter 7: How is the Fyre Fest brand being used in media and entertainment now?
Snaggletooth. The snaggletooth catfish?
Yeah, the snaggletooth catfish. You got all kind of shit down there that could kill you. You don't want any part of that. We went, I think, maybe I told this story. We went to Naples. Back before the podcast wasn't making any money. We went to Naples. Maybe this is before the actual podcast started. Or was it 2022?
Didn't you honeymoon there?
We honeymooned in Naples. We've been to Naples a number of times.
Yeah, me too. I like it down there.
Oh, no. Yeah, I think this was 2019. We go down to Naples and we rent a house for a week and we go with my in-laws and I think Gustavo was there with us too. So it's Gustavo. Gustavo. Gustavo. Who's coming back? Love you. Come on. Come on, Gustavo. Come on down. Maybe he'll do another episode with us. Yes. Gustavo and Ale, my in-laws, we rent this place a block and a half from the beach.
Beautiful place with a pool out back. Lovely. My first kid is about a year old. And we decide, Astrid and I decide, let's go do something cool like a gator run. Let's go take one of those airboats and go on a gator run. And we had, on our honeymoon, we had driven past one, but we thought this would be a really cool thing to do with the in-laws and everybody. And then can we take the kid?
Can we take a one-year-old? We call them. They say, yes, of course. We'll figure it out. And I'm thinking to myself, kid on an airboat, one years old, I don't know.
In the Everglades.
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Chapter 8: What are the hosts' final thoughts and how to follow the podcast?
And then they have this like deck that's built out onto into the, a little clearing in the swamp. So like a little lake or a pond. And then that deck goes back to where the boats are. And then the shack is like the place where you check in and you buy merch or whatever. Get your bait. Exactly. Get your bait. Your bait is you. The bait is you. So we are there early.
There's a couple other stragglers that are like standing out in the parking lot. And I decide to go walk up on this deck where the house is. And then I'm just going to go take my boy in his stroller over up and down this little boardwalk and see what there is to see. And I go walking down that boardwalk, and what do I see? A 15-foot fucking alligator. I'm sure. On the boardwalk.
Oh, on the deck.
With its mouth wide open.
Oh, my God.
Ready to take my son into its clutchy hands and take it down for a swim. This wouldn't be the first time a child in Florida has been eaten by an alligator. Happened at fucking Disney World. which is a terrible, terrible, crazy thing to happen. But they've always had gators there, and they always knew they had gators there, and it just was a wrong place, wrong time, terrible, terrible thing.
This gator was so fucking big. I've never seen anything so big and so intimidating in my life. And here I am 20 feet from it. So I back up, right? Turn around. It doesn't move. Yeah, it doesn't move. And they're not particularly fast on land. You can probably outrun one unless it's coming out of the water, right? Unless it's like jumping out of the water.
Unless it can use its tail to propel itself, it's probably not going to be faster than you. But still, you don't want to try. Like, you're not looking to get in a run. You know, this isn't a race. You don't want to do the Boston Marathon with a bunch of gators chasing you. So I back up and I get out and then I'm like, holy shit.
And then here's Ranger Bob or whatever his name is, you know, coming in with the keys. And he's like, hey, yo, how you doing? Oh, that's Lucy. Get away, Lucy. He grabs a stick. I swear to God, he grabs a stick that's sitting next to the door and he goes and he whap, whap, whap. And that gator's like... And like slithers away.
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