The Candace Cameron Bure Podcast
Allie Schnacky and Natasha Bure - She Wasn't Allowed to Date Until She Was 18
Tue, 18 Mar 2025
How do friendships change when you start dating? Can you find love in a world of dating apps? In Episode 6, “Moms Want to Know - What’s Dating Like Today?” Candace, Allie, and Natasha talk about the challenges of dating in today's culture. Allie shares her worries about whether her new boyfriend is “the one” and how dating is so different from what her parents experienced. They talk about unrealistic expectations women and girls deal with and the pressure to have everything figured out before getting married. It’s okay to take time to get to know someone and that not every relationship has to work out. Allie recalls how she felt a lot of pressure while dating, which made her anxious. They also talk about how dating can change friendships and the need to balance those relationships. Go to Candace.com for your free gratitude guide. Sponsors this month: -Mr. Pen: Visit http://candacepens.com/ for 10% off your order. -Adele Natural Cosmetics https://adelnaturalcosmetics.com/ Use my one-time code for 25% off your first order! Code CANDACE -Ancient Nutrition is offering 25% off your first order when you go to https://ancientnutrition.com/ccb -Grand Canyon University: http://gcu.edu -Tyndale: tbibles.com/CandaceBure Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Chapter 1: How do Candace, Allie, and Natasha view dating today?
Talking about dating and, you know, I feel like as a mom, there's lots of things that you've shared with me, Natasha, but I feel like there's a lot that you probably haven't. So that's why I feel privileged to kind of get inside your heads as to what dating is like today, because it's so different from when I was young and dating. And I honestly didn't really date very much because I met...
Papa, I met Val at 18 and I was married at 20. So there wasn't a whole lot of dating going on even before that. So I'm just so curious to have this conversation and talk about it. So let's get into it. Let's get into it. I won't try to do it because apparently I can't. What is dating like today?
A nightmare.
No, I'm just kidding.
A nightmare? No, I'm just kidding. Um, I would love to hear what you have to say, Natasha, because I also was my first boyfriend, so I didn't date that much either. Okay. But honestly, I learned so much about like kind of the unrealistic expectations that we're taught to have when looking for a significant other, especially in the church.
And I think that's really what I have to add in this conversation because it's things I wish people would have told me. Got it. I've had my ups and downs dating.
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Chapter 2: What are Allie Schnacky's experiences with dating restrictions?
Um,
Okay, so let me start here with the conversation. Because I think if you're of faith and that's going to establish partly what dating is looking like in terms of Are you dating to get to know people? Are you dating to just have a boyfriend and feel what it feels like to be with a boyfriend? Or are you dating with the intention of looking for your partner, your spouse for life?
Let's start there.
And this can change at different ages. So kind of walk me through where you guys were at what age.
Yeah, honestly. So growing up, I shared this on one of the previous podcasts, but I was never allowed to date. My parents had a rule in our house where until we were 18, we were not allowed to go on a date. And honestly, a lot of kids probably didn't like that. I personally loved it. My dad, he always, he's actually here right now, but he always gave us this analogy of a sports car.
And he said, okay, because I'd have conversations. If I liked the guy, I'd be like, oh, like, Why, you know? And he always said a sports car, like if a young kid went into a Ferrari store and was like, I want to buy a Ferrari, the people would look at him and laugh him out the store because he can't afford it. He can't afford to buy that car.
But once he like actually works hard and he applies himself and he learns like what it takes to actually be able to afford that car when he has it, he's going to treat it with so much more respect. He'll learn how to drive it. Like it won't just be something that he gets really fast because everyone can afford affordable cars.
But how much more precious is a human being is basically what he used to tell us. Like if a car is worth that much, how much more are you worth? How much more is a soul worth? And so that was kind of his philosophy with not letting us date. Were you allowed to hang out in groups though with guys that you like? Just there had to be other people around. Yeah.
And honestly, that was a huge blessing, too, because it wasn't like my parents were to another extreme where I couldn't even have guy friends. I was constantly surrounded with guys older than me in my age, especially because I had older brothers. Right. And really, it took the pressure off of me, too, because if a guy liked you, you had that out like, oh, I can't date.
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Chapter 3: How does Natasha Bure approach relationships and dating?
Well, you had a role, but I still had a boyfriend. Like, I had a boyfriend in middle school, I'm pretty sure. Well, yeah. But you wasn't.
I didn't tell you. Like, you weren't allowing me to. But you weren't allowed to go out on a date. We didn't say you couldn't like guys, but what was the dating age in our home? I think it was 16, maybe. Yeah.
Yeah, I remember a guy asked me when I was in middle school if I wanted to be his girlfriend. And I said, yes, I wasn't actually, you know, dating. You're just like somebody and whatever. I don't I think when you get older, the dating scene is a lot different in terms of what you're looking for in the seriousness.
And for me, then, honestly, after that, the next time that I called somebody, my boyfriend was two years ago. So, I mean, similarly in that, like, I knew what I was looking for and I never wanted to label someone as my boyfriend unless I saw, you know, this type of potential that I was going to be with them for a long time. I do and will say having dated.
I mean, I don't want to use the word casually because I'm not like just casually going on a bunch of dates. But if I go on a date or two, you know, with someone, it did actually give me a lot of perspective of things that I did enjoy and things that I didn't enjoy. And
i feel like a lot of times even from parents or people around you there's a lot of pressure of like this is the specific type of person like you should be with especially in our family because all the personalities are very similar and so it was always like this is who they wanted me to be with and maybe i dated people that were like that and then there were others that i didn't and honestly gave me a lot of perspective to go out with the people
personality wise that maybe wasn't their idea of who I should have been with or what they thought would be best for me. And it gave me a lot of perspective. So I think that going on dates at least for me, was helpful because it really showed me. But I know, again, that's not the case for everyone.
But at that age, at like 18, are you, and it's a little different with you, Allie, because you've known Austin. I mean, even though you've been dating, but it's like eyes were set and kind of focused. But for Natasha, who didn't meet that person super young, what was the focus of dating? Was it really just to get to know people or did you even have marriage in mind?
Like, ooh, this could be my husband. At 18?
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Chapter 4: Is social media influencing the way young people meet potential partners?
So cute. Yeah. You know, God has his timing for everything. But I remember Natasha, I love when you talk cause you're so relatable, but One of the ways I know for me that me and my best friend would constantly look for people was on social media. It sounds so ridiculous, but I mean, once you graduate from high school, you don't go to college, where else are you going to look?
There's really nowhere to go for kids our age anymore. Like when you're kind of in that college age group, there's not really a lot of youth groups. You've kind of outgrown youth groups. So even if you're trying to meet people in church, if they're not there on Sunday, what are you going to do? And so- I have some friends that have met their spouse on dating apps.
I personally have never done that. But yeah, I find people on social media.
Does social media, though, in and of itself feel overwhelming because they can live anywhere where I feel like a dating app. I mean, they can live anywhere, too, but you might have put your preferences in that you'd like someone in the same state as you. But does that feel overwhelming to think like, oh, maybe I like this person from social media, but they live anywhere? five states away.
So what was overwhelming to me wasn't the thought that they lived far away only because I wasn't really thinking like that when I was looking on social media. I more just thought they were cute. I knew they loved God and I wanted to make a connection. Sometimes they didn't love God. I just thought they were cute, you know, and you're just like, yeah, Lord to convert, you know?
I haven't heard that. You win some, you lose some. But I think FaceTime is something that is actually a blessing. My best friend met her significant other actually through a video game. Wow. So weird. That's crazy. She played a video game for a week.
met her husband on that game and ended up FaceTiming with him for, I think it was like a year straight, got to know him in a way that wasn't physical, formed a really deep bond. And now they're like married together, live in Florida, like having the best marriage. And I think that's, there's pros and cons.
So dating online, I think, especially when it's far away, you form that intimate connection without that almost like opportunity for you to slip into things you're not supposed to if you are a Christian trying to hold those morals. But I think for me, something that was really hard with dating online or looking for people online was I had too much information about what they were doing.
And so it created trust issues. I don't know if you dealt with this. Yeah, for sure.
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Chapter 5: How do dating and relationships affect friendships?
Even if they're not the cutest. Totally. When they have that confidence, you're like, dang. Totally. You're looking good today. Totally. Totally agree.
Totally agree. I have a story I'm thinking of, but I'm not going to share it. Okay. How has dating affected your friendships?
I feel like dating has affected my friendships for the good and the bad. I have a couple of girlfriends. I feel like the second they got in relationships, I never saw them again. Which I feel like is really common when you find... significant other or a partner, you kind of just latch onto them and want to spend all your time with them.
And then I have some of my best girlfriends that are either dating or they're currently married that actually do a phenomenal job of still cultivating a personal relationship with you aside from, you know, being with their partner and things like that.
But I don't know if you've had experience like losing friends or anything like that, but you kind of get sucked into a wormhole, especially like in the early phases of your relationship, I feel like.
Yeah, for me, I had never dated besides Austin. And so before him, I literally spent every day of my life with my best friend, Carol. She lived with me in my bedroom. And like for seven years, we spent every moment together. Saturday was our day. And so when I felt like the Lord called me to see what was there with Austin, the only day I really had off was Saturdays.
And so that was a huge transition to tell Carol like, hey, I love you, but I also really feel like I'm supposed to see what's here. And I want to be married. That's a desire of my heart. And honestly, I think to a default, just because I didn't know better and it kills me to say, but it's just true.
I think I was that friend that just kind of was around, but constantly with my boyfriend, because not even because I didn't want to be around people just because I I feel like I had so much pressure I put on myself to know if he was the one right from the beginning that I thought if I didn't spend every second with him and figure out what it was, I was going to waste my time.
And I realize now looking back that I was only hurting myself because one person's not meant to be everything for you. And every relationship fuels me so much in such a different way that as months went by, I realized they were part of myself that Austin brought out that I loved.
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Chapter 6: What role do boundaries play in maintaining healthy relationships?
Who set that boundary? I was going to ask, was that a conversation you guys had with Austin's dad?
No, we set that. You guys made that boundary. Yeah, I think when you slip into things in a relationship, your first instinct is shame and to hide from people. And we realized like we can't fix this between me and you because unless it's brought to the light, we're gonna keep repeating the same thing over and over again. We need someone on the outside to pull us higher. and to hold us accountable.
And so that's what we did is we pulled in an authority figure and my dad and my brother too. And even my mom are always great people that I can go to. My sisters, you know, they struggle in their own ways. So we have a pact. Like if I do something or they do something, we have to tell one another because we got to lift each other up in prayer.
My sister is a walk in my room when Austin's in my room late and say, what are you doing here?
go home right we'll just be sitting there oh we're watching a movie well you know what time it is yeah and in the moment you're like mad but one point that i really do want to make is in the beginning of our relationship we would set boundaries like hey don't come in my room past 10 and we'd last for a while and then one oh we're not gonna do anything like we're just gonna yeah watch a movie eat cookies like have fun and one of us would go to the other person's room right
And I learned very quickly that if we don't even keep the promises and the boundaries that we're setting right now in a relationship when we're dating, why are we ever going to trust ourselves to keep those covenants in marriage?
And I think that that's something that we're trying to undo is being people of our word, even when it comes to things that are justifiable and decisions that we make even right now.
I admire it so very much. And like Lev, my middle son had convictions very much in the same way with his wife before they were married. Even to the point where I was kind of like, you guys are engaged. You can kiss her. And he was like, no, mom. He's like, we decided not to kiss until our wedding day. And if we break that covenant before...
then what's it gonna look like for the rest of everything else? And so we made a commitment and we're sticking to it. And I was like, you are better than me. I love it. Grand Canyon University, a private Christian university in beautiful Phoenix, Arizona, believes that we're endowed by our Creator with certain unalienable rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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