SubwayTakes
“Restaurants need to stop with the artisanal ketchup!!” with Paul Scheer
Thu, 24 Apr 2025
From their home studios, Kareem and Paul re-litigate how Heinz is the best ketchup of all time and why fries must be included with the price of a burger. They also dig into bald-guy and gap-tooth representation (does David Letterman have a gap?), fashion tips for aging cool guys, wasting time in the gym, what are Miracle Whip, Clamato, and club soda exactly, the Italian race debate, Paul’s ties to the mafia, the importance of a butter bell, pancake strategy, cooking for their children, accidentally ordering bottle service, and–as always–Takes on Takes©. Also: why is Heinz ghosting Kareem and Paul after offering a trip to their ketchup factory? Host: Kareem Rahma Creators: Kareem Rahma and Andrew Kuo Editor and Sound Producer: Dale Eisinger Artwork: Andrew Lawandus Theme Music: Tyler McCauley Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Chapter 1: What is the main topic of this episode?
What the damn frick is up, everyone? It's your boy, Kareem Rahma, back with another episode of Subway Takes the Podcast. Today, I am joined by the legendary comedian, actor, sometimes magician at children's birthday parties, Paul Scheer. You may know him from his very en vogue gaps space between his teeth. Finally. It's made a comeback.
Look, you know, Lauren Hutton broke open that door and look, I need anything I can get. I'm a bald man. First of all, you know, bald representation is at an all time low. I feel like it's, there's sexy bald men, but there aren't just regular bald men. And if there are regular bald men, they're like, they're not looking good. The hair is out like on the side of their head.
Like I, I need to get some, Jason Statham is a bald man. LeBron James should embrace his bald man. I feel like we need to, we need to lead with bald men. I think you guys need to rise. Yeah. Look, I'm not calling out James Gunn, but I'm going to call out James Gunn and say, in your Superman movie, you cast Lex Luthor as a haired man? Come on, man. That should be going to a bald man.
We cannot have bald erasure here, all right?
That's true. Bald man representation has... I mean, people just don't really talk about it. Like, the fact that you are essentially a special breed, and it needs to be embraced. Like, we embrace... At this point, we embrace...
like i guess uh i think the word is like fat or whatever sure what is it we're we're we're we're nobody's everything right yeah we're showing every body type but bald always falls by the wayside look just spend a day and just look around at billboards tv ads whatever you're not gonna see that many ball you're gonna see like one bald man to eight it like that's like that's the ratio it's like i think less brother less i think you're actually right yeah
I've done it.
I've looked around. It's tricky, man. It's a tricky thing.
It's a tricky thing to be a bald man. How does it feel to be arguably one of the funniest bald men? If not the funniest.
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Chapter 5: What does bald representation mean today?
I've always been bald. You're hanging on for dear life. Exactly. So yeah, the only thing I'll say, if there's any bald men out there, go to a barber, shave that, get that shit cut down tight. That's what I've noticed. And what I think, I wish somebody would have told me, like, don't let the sides, don't let the sides cut.
get you like we know what's happening we're seeing it like the side you don't need to get those sides out just yeah i mean unless it's a real choice like larry david's a beautiful choice he looks amazing with it but yeah what is that called just like just i think it's called bolt but it is a different cat it's it's a halo it's like right yeah it's oh the halo or a fryer tuck
Oh, it's cute. I mean, it's a really cute look. It is. I see less and less guys with it. I feel like that's of a certain generation. I think it is. I think now people, they either go, they're like, fuck it, I'll be bald. And then they get rid of that. Or they go, fuck it, I'm not going to be bald. And they add hair on top again. But there's not many guys that are like, you know what?
There's that funny meme about how George Costanza is like 30 or something. Yeah. And now 30-year-olds look like they're 17. They got baggy pants and a gold tooth. And George Costanza looks like he's 86.
Whenever you see that stuff, it blows my mind. It's like, oh yeah, Tom Cruise is the same age as Wilford Brimley in Cocoon as he is when he was doing Mission Impossible 2. Danny Glover in Lethal Weapon was like, I'm too old for this shit. He was 38, right? You know, it's like... You know, it's like, wait a second. I thought that guy was 70, you know? But like, there is a weird thing that goes on.
But I don't, I mean, this is interesting because I feel like you are somebody that is, when I look at you, the way that you dress, you dress hip, but appropriately hip. I feel like there are people out there who don't know how to walk that line. That's the thing that I feel like is, and you see it and you feel it on them, right? Like you feel it on them. It's like, oh... what are we doing here?
It's a, it's a, like, I don't like seeing, I don't like seeing dads that are looking too cool. Like here's a pet peeve or here's my take. I don't, I don't want to see, I don't want to see a little kid in like a pink Floyd shirt or like a who shirt. I don't want to see like that dad throwing their bullshit on their kid.
I'm like, keep that like, like your kid's not a friend of Pat, but you're a fan of Pat Benatar. Like, you know, like, I don't want the retro shirts on my kids. Let them be their own person. My kids saw it. It feels weird to me. It's like, oh, this is now a prop? Is my kid a prop for you to put on these funny things? Look, if your kid likes David Bowie, wear a David Bowie shirt.
But let them decide.
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