Everyone is feverishly preparing for The Feast of The Ass on January 14! Consequently, many of you have questions, such as "What is the proper Feast of the Ass greeting?" And "Shouldn't the official Feast of the Ass dessert be the Tunnel of Fudge?" As always, Dan has the answers. A woman's brother just got engaged...again. This is the third time, and he has been dating his current girlfriend for a scant 6 months. What's more, the fiancé has been pestering the caller to be best friends, texting her all day long. The caller has been through this before. Is she a jerk for feeling a little skeptical about her's brother's relationship? On the Magnum, it's the return of the Funny Dom! Our favorite Australian sadist is back to help a woman and her boyfriend concoct the perfect mix of BDSM, femme-domming and to get some dang dishes done besides. And, a cautionary tale: when you're flying on Molly, and you coquettishly ask "What could I do to be sexier for you?" Beware! He just might answer honestly. [email protected] 206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a website or blog. Give it a whirl at Squarespace.com/Savage and if you want to buy it, use the code Savage for a 10% off your first purchase. This episode is brought to you by Hims, providing affordable access to ED treatment, online. Start your free online visit today at Hims.com/Savage. This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep. Right now, Helix is offering 25% off site-wide with a mattress order + 2 FREE Dream Pillows! Go to HelixSleep.com/Savage. With Helix, better sleep starts now. Dan Savage is a sex-advice columnist, podcaster, author, reviver of Midieval Catholic holidays, and creator of the It Gets Better Project.From polyamory, to BDSM, gay rights to sexual health and with a dose of progressive politics, Dan Savage has been cultural force for sex positivity since the 1800s.
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Nobody likes a spoiler, as I was reminded this weekend on the internet. But I saw Wicked, Nosferatu, and Baby Girl in one weekend, and I have to talk about them. And I'm going to talk about them. But I don't want to be accused, God forbid, of sharing spoilers, which is a capital offense. True story. The three people on federal death row that Joe Biden didn't pardon?
All three there for posting spoilers to their social media. No one will mourn them. This is your spoiler alert. If you want to see these three films absolutely cold, if you know nothing about them and want to keep it that way, jump ahead to the first call. Ready? Three, two, one, here we go.
Wicked, the new film version of Stephen Schwartz's 2003 musical adaptation of Gregory Maguire's 1995 novel, which is itself a retelling of the 1900 novel by L. Frank Baum and the 1939 film of that novel, Wizard of Oz, From the perspective of the Wicked Witch of the West, loved it. The book, Wicked, the book, has some very dirty sex scenes. The musical and the film do not.
What the film shows us, what it captures, what I found really kind of interesting, is that special time in the lives of theater kids when they first pair off. When the theater kids all get to have their first romantic moment. But not sexual relationships.
When every girl in the theater club suddenly has a boyfriend in the theater club and then a couple of months later everybody hits puberty and all the boys come out and that is the end of all those beautiful first relationships. In Wicked, the film, the prepubescent theater kids are all played by actors in their 30s and 40s so you have to squint to see it. But it's there.
Quickly, while we're on the subject of film adaptations of Stephen Schwartz musicals, Hollywood, if you're listening, please do Pippin next. Schwartz's 1972 musical about a prince trying to find himself. Jonathan Bailey could play Pippin if you rush it into production right now. And Pippin, it has something no musical does. No other musical has.
A love song that isn't sung to one particular boy or one particular girl or by a boy to a girl or a girl to a boy. It's not a duet. It is a love song that is sung during an orgy to the participants of that orgy. And it's beautiful. I tear up every time I listen to it. And I listen to it a lot because I'm a theater kid. All right, Nosferatu.
This is a remake of a vampire movie that came out in 1922, a movie that has been remade a dozen times over the last century. And the latest version of Nosferatu borrows plot elements from Dracula by Bram Stoker, a novel that came out 130 plus years ago, which itself has been made into dozens, hundreds of films, stage plays, radio dramas, musicals, and TV shows ever.
It should be impossible to spoil Nosferatu. There is nothing surprising ever in Nosferatu. But again, here's your spoiler warning. Skip ahead. So Thomas, played by Nicholas Holt, is married to Ellen, played by Lily Rose Depp. But Ellen is supernaturally betrothed to Nosferatu, the vampire, played by Bill Skarsgård. Ellen loves Thomas, but physically aches for Nosferatu.
She has to have him and he has to have her. And Thomas, understandably, doesn't want the vampire to have his wife. So there's this scene where Ellen is writhing on the floor, possessed as she sometimes is by and for Nosferatu. She's moaning, clawing at her clothes, and she looks Thomas in the eye and says something along the lines of, you cannot satisfy me the way he can.
And Thomas picks Ellen up, tosses her on the bed, and fucks the shit out of her. Thomas... That character in this story, going back to 1922, to that film version, has always been a cuckold. The subtext of Nosferatu, of Dracula, has always been cuckoldry. But in this new version, it's not subtext anymore. It is text. It is practically supertitles.
I only mention it here because you don't see cuckolds represented in mainstream Hollywood films very often, much less played by big stars like Nicholas Hoult. I'm really looking forward to Ozzy Cuck, Hopeful Cuck, and the rest of the Cucks on the Cuck My Life podcast talking about this moment in Nosferatu and an upcoming episode of their excellent show.
And yeah, I gotta say, I gotta say this too because I can't help myself. If all I had to say out loud to get Nicholas Holt to fuck the shit out of me was you can't fill me up like he can, I would say that to Nicholas Holt three times a day. Finally, last film I saw this weekend, Sunday Night, Baby Girl. There is so much I want to say about Baby Girl.
Nicole Kidman stars as the powerful CEO of a big tech company who gets into a dom-sub relationship with a hot young intern. That is in the advertising campaign. I am not spoiling anything with that. Kidman's amazing. Harris Dickinson as the hot young intern, amazing.
But it almost physically pains me to say that screenwriter and director Helena Raine, as much as she sticks the mount, does she ever. There is so much successful mounting in this film. Oh, my God. She sticks them out, but doesn't quite stick the dismount. And that is all I'm going to say about Baby Girl.
But I will be talking more and at greater length about Baby Girl on next week's show when writer Rebecca Wolf joins me for the guest segment. This is your notice to go see Baby Girl this week and then read Wolf's essay about Baby Girl on her sub stack, The Braid, RebeccaWolf.substack.com.
And then join us next week on the show when we can talk about Baby Girl without spoiling it for you because you will have seen it by then. And Rebecca and I will go deep. All right, coming up tons of your cues, lots of my A's and joining me on the Magnum, the funny Dom returns. Lots of people are interested in DS sex and relationships as portrayed in
baby girl we get the calls to prove it and this week the funny dom is here to help me answer one of them that's on the magnum which you can subscribe to at savage.love but there's tons of great stuff a packed show for our micro listeners too and that show both shows start now this episode is brought to you by helix sleep the very best mattress designed with your comfort in mind right now get 25 off site wide plus two free dream pillows with a mattress purchase go to helix sleep.com savage
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Hey, Dan, when you and Dr. Yanova signed off on Feast of the Ass, you didn't give us an appropriate call and response greeting like all the other good holidays have. Is it just happy Feast of the Ass and also with you? Do we lift up our peaches? Is it thank you for your service or vive la brioche? Tell us, Dan or other listeners.
I guess we're going to plow through a few Feast of the Ass calls right here at the top of the show one week before Feast of the Ass next Tuesday, January 14th. A Feast of the Ass greeting. We didn't come up with that because I didn't think we needed to. This is America. Everything is happy. Happy New Year. Happy Valentine's Day. Happy St. Patrick's Day. Happy Pride. Happy Fourth of July.
Happy Memorial Day, weirdly. Happy Labor Day. Happy Halloween. Happy Thanksgiving. Happy everything except Christmas. Here it's Merry Christmas. In the UK, it's happy Christmas. So I just don't want to buck the trend because I want to incorporate feast of the ass seamlessly into that parade of holidays America has embraced, that Americans have embraced. I want Americans to feast on the ass.
So it should be, I think, my vote is for happy feast of the ass. Just like happy Halloween, happy Thanksgiving, happy everything else around here. All right, another piece of the ass question coming up.
Dan, you have to look up the history of the Tunnel of Fudge cake. It's a Bundt cake, and it's basically the reason why Bundt cakes are still a thing. And it's called the Tunnel of Fudge. So it's obviously got to be the Bundt cake specifically for the Feast of the Arts. So please, please go read about the history of the Tunnel of Fudge cake from 1966.
And I strongly suggest that it become the go-to cake for the Feast of the Arts.
I grew up in the Midwest. I am familiar with all the different iterations of Bundt cake that are possible. So I am familiar with, I have encountered the Tunnel of Fudge Bundt cake. We do not want the Tunnel of Fudge to be the Bundt cake, official or otherwise, not even... A bonus Bundt cake somebody brought to the Feast of the Ass buffet for Feast of the Ass.
For obvious reasons, only someone who has not feasted or not feasted regularly or doesn't get what the connotation of fudge when you're talking about ass stuff is. Fudge Packers, Tunnel of Fudge, the Hershey High. No, you don't want to invoke fudge. Something that's full of fudge. No, no, no, no. Nobody who encounters fudge when they're feasting on the ass or doing any other butt stuff.
Have you ever done any butt stuff? Is delighted by that. Well, I shouldn't say no one. 99.999% of everyone wants no hint of fudge. Anything fudge-like when they're feasting or fucking the ass or toying the ass or pegging the ass or anything else. People who do butt stuff go to such great lengths to eliminate all possibilities of fudge.
So no, I reject categorically the suggestion that the tunnel of fudge cake be embraced as the official feast of the ass thing. Bundt cake, the orange bourbon glazed Bundt cake from sissycakes.com, our unofficial Bundt cake feast to the sponsor. I don't know if they know yet. I wonder how they're going to take it when they find out. I endorse that because a good clean, but. has a citrusy quality.
It doesn't. If you're doing it right, for 99.999999% of people, there is the .0001%. It's all about the fudge, but we don't want to think about them on the Feast of the Ass, or they can have their own Feast of the Ass.
thing and it's not ass those people want to feast on necessarily it's ass they have to go through to get to the thing they want to be said and i don't want to think about that on feast of the ass and neither should you so no nope nope nope nope nope tunnel of fudge no not the official feast of the ass bun cake not on my watch
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Hi, Dan. We're calling from Los Angeles, California. I'm a 38 year old non-binary pansexual person and I'm calling with my partner.
Hi, I am transfeminine. I'm 25 years old and I'm also pansexual. So we've experienced something that is possibly unique, possibly not. And we were wanting to know like how common it is and what the cause is for when we are participating in oral anal sex. sometimes will taste sweetness. And that was really curious to us. So we were wondering if you know what that's all about.
We figured you might be the expert who would know.
All right, I just said in my last response that ass that's clean and ready to eat and good to go ain't a tunnel of fudge. It can have a citrusy tang. And yet, I don't want to suggest I need to walk that back. That is true. People who practice good personal hygiene... and they're freshly showered, and they've used a nice soap or citrusy shampoo. Their butts taste amazing.
Their butts also have a unique taste. It tastes like that person in a kind of unique and distinctive way, but it doesn't taste like shit, and it doesn't smell like shit, and it shouldn't taste like shit. I have never tasted shit. And so this is like me talking about cunnilingus now. This is book learning. I have read because I have had to, not because I wanted to.
Some things written by, about, for people into coprophilia, people who are into feces. And one of the things that I've seen said is that Certain people, certain feces, based on their diet, depending on their diet, can have a slightly sweet taste. So my suggestion to you might be, if there is this occasional sweetness, as opposed to this is how you're
lovers, but tastes that maybe you're going deep and you weren't fully cleaned out. You may be encountering some tiny bits. of flavorful fecal matter, I am sorry to report. Or maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe you just had a lot of red vines at the movies last night, and it's just coming through your pores as like sweet sweat that's not usually there in your butt crack. Let's hope it's that.
But it could be that you are, well, not encountering a ton of vines, but you are encountering some... Remnants, slight, small, microscopic, hard to see things. Not getting all over your face, but your taste buds are nailing it. It is when it comes to human sexuality and eating ass and slightly occupational hazard.
I'm sure there were some people who were regular listeners who were tempted to celebrate this very first feast of the ass that we're rolling out in this big way by feasting on the ass. For the first time, and now I've talked them out of it. This doesn't happen.
This doesn't happen if you are good to go, cleaned out, if you douched and you douched really well, or if you're just, you know, you're regular and you know when you're empty and good to go, which worked for most of us most of the time before everybody started douching about 10 minutes ago. And also, you don't have to go deep.
You can feast without pushing your tongue into the butt as far as it can possibly go. You can just lick the sphincters.
You can lick the outside, which is so unjarring that a lot of people who are performing cunnilingus or licking balls, licking taint, have done it by accident without realizing it and only found out later when they talked to the person who's ass they accidentally licked that they licked their ass. It's not like, ah, you touched a butt with your tongue and your tongue bursts into flames or anything.
So if you're tempted to feast on the ass for the first time on this feast of the ass, please do feast on the ass, but make it a clean ass. And caller, I am sorry to have burdened you with that book learning of mine. But if I had to read that, I'm sorry to say you had to hear that. And that could be an explanation.
So spend a little bit more time in the shower, cleaning out when you're going to do butt stuff, including deep rimming.
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Hey, Dan, Nancy, Tech Savvy Youth. My ex-girlfriend and I dated for four years. We met while she lived in another state. I was there a lot for work. We hit it off. She disclosed that she had a live-in boyfriend, but they had a boring, sexless relationship and they were on the outs. I had just gotten out of a long relationship, so I was okay just having some fun.
But then things got very serious, and so she wanted to move closer to me where I live. Ultimately, where the job was was about an hour away. But she made it very easy every time, just every week, to come see me where I lived Thursday through Sunday, sometimes longer. We started traveling the world together, trying to have a baby together. She knew how much I wanted to be a father.
She was bringing her cat over all the time to get our cats used to each other, ultimately trying to build this life together. And then one day last summer, I look over at a coffee shop and I see a naked picture of a dude with a limp dick on her phone. As I call her out, she starts deleting everything off her phone right in front of me. She won't let me see anything.
And I see a picture on her phone and feeds me some story about, you know, going out with one of her female colleagues and having a night out. And that's who she sent the picture to. Not true. So I get very suspicious. I start, you know, paying more attention. She only wants to talk on the phone before a certain time.
If I call after that, she gets very aggressive, trying to get me off the phone, you know, sometimes in the bathroom. I can hear it just got very strange. She came over one time with a hickey on her neck and just gaslighted the heck out of me. for thinking that I was crazy and things just got progressively weird from there.
And then one day I decided to Google her and see that she has multiple properties living with her ex-boyfriend from the other state when I met her. It was pretty devastating. So my questions are, was I wrong to not just leave when I saw the dick pic on her phone? And two, like, how can I ever, ever trust anybody again after going through what I've gone through?
You're looking at that dick pic that you spotted on her phone, that pic of a guy with a limp dick, with 20-20 hindsight. You now know what that pic meant. So, no, no, you weren't wrong not to just leave at the sight of that dick pic. There are lots of good reasons somebody who wasn't
lying to the degree and the extent that this woman had been lying to you for four years might have a rando's dick pic on her phone or his phone or a rando rack pic on his phone or her phone could be something from the spank bank could be a hot ex they could be flirting with somebody without any intent of ever meeting up with them and just kind of
Some people would call this micro-cheating or micro-infidelity. Just swapping a few dirty pics to feel affirmed and sexy and goosed and charged up, and it's not something that most people would particularly want to know their partners were engaged in, but might, in some roundabout way... Ignorance is bliss. Benefit from their partners engaging in.
Somebody else affirms your partner, tells them they're hot, tells them they're sexy, swaps a couple of dirty pics with them. Your partner who's made a monogamous commitment to you honors that monogamous commitment and comes home all horny and pivots to you and they're attracted to you. It's not like they're staring at that dirty pic that somebody sent them on their phone while they're fucking you.
They're fucking the shit out of you. And this stranger, this thotty, this hottie on the internet is
cranked them up however her reaction to you spotting that pic suddenly deleting everything off her phone oh no no that was a tell right that her explanation for the dick pic wasn't oh that's my ex and every once in a while i like to look at that dick and have a wank but i don't ever want to be with my ex again and i love your dick that she started deleting shit
That was a sign that it was more than just some random or some ex that she had on her phone. Something was up. Your spidey senses were tingling and they should have been. We know now because this bitch had a secret second family. She was playing you. She was lying to you for four fucking years, leading you on in this really devastating way. People throw gaslighting around that term too loosely.
You were, I want to introduce my cat to your cat because we're going to live together. Meanwhile, I have a secret second family and properties I own. No intention of ever fucking living with you. And the let's introduce our cats to each other was this head fake to keep your dick coming. Yeah, that's gaslighting. And I am sorry that happened to you. How do you trust again? Your other question.
You will yourself too. You trust but verify. You Google people a little sooner than you might have started to Google this woman. You tell someone you trust them. You tell them you had a bad experience. You share this when you get to that stage of a relationship. When you move out of the...
auditioning and, you know, stressing out to your friends about the things that are stressing out about the relationship and really processing with the person, not endlessly, but to come to, to make the relationship work, to adjust to each other emotionally. And at that moment you can share an insecurity and say, this is a thing that happened to me and it's crazy, but it's true.
Yeah.
Right. And so, yeah, I need you to be straight with me. You got a secret second family. I need to hear that you don't. And I'll need some reassurance every once in a while. And please, if you start doing things that are. My brain might start adding them up in a way that's unfair to you because of what this shitty other person did to me.
And we both might have to live with the consequences of what this shitty other person did to me, where I will be sometimes maybe even a little irrationally insecure and I'll need reassurance that you wouldn't have to give to somebody who didn't go through an experience like this. And if somebody loves you, they can hear that and they can come through with that kind of reassurance.
And if they're squirrely about coming through with that kind of reassurance, if they can't give that to you, okay, maybe they don't have the emotional tools to be in a relationship. Or maybe they have a secret second fucking family and a bunch of dick pics on their phone that are incriminating and not... Innocent.
And yes, I do think it's possible for somebody to have innocent dick pics of other people's dicks on their phone. That makes me an outlier in the sex and relationship advice racket. But it is what I think, and you did call me. This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep.
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Hi, Dan. I'm calling from the South, and I have a question about nude photos. My partner and I really love taking pictures of each other while we're having sex. We're quite kinky, so we get a lot of really kinky pictures. It's one of the things we really enjoy, but I just had a question about the ethics of if we wanted to get prints made of some of these pictures,
Like, how do you navigate consent around that? Because I feel weird just sending in a bunch of nude photos, especially, like, particularly kinky photos, to, like...
walgreens or cvs or whatever photo lab but i also like don't know if there's like sex positive kink positive photo processor or like some sort of disclaimer i'm supposed to add or what i'd be very interested in yours or in any listeners experience with this because i'd love to have some printed nude photos but i also want to respect everyone's like boundaries and consent and not like freak out any people who are at a print shop
I'm old enough to remember when people had kinky sex without taking pictures because there was nowhere to take those pictures to get developed. There were actually famous stories and urban legends and myths that were entirely legendary or mythical about people who worked at photo shops, places people took their film to get developed back when people had to take
film someplace to get developed, who would collect the dirty pictures that people would sometimes bring in. And most of those places, your CVSs, your Walgreens, your photo stops, they wouldn't print. If they saw dirty pictures, they would destroy your film and throw it all away. So...
That's why people took Polaroids, which weren't ideal and were blurry, but Polaroids were the only option for dirty pics until digital photographs came along, until cell phones and cell phone pictures and iClouds came along, where it's all technology and there's no other humans involved or implicated, so you don't have to worry about... the consent of the poor person at the CVS or the Walgreens.
Most of the CVSs and Walgreens I've been to lately, they don't have film development places because nobody gets their film developed. And if they have a film development place, It's a machine where you do the developing and you print it out. Shutterfly warns people on their website. It's a place you can go online to upload photographs, to get prints made and sent back to you framed.
Perhaps if that's what you want, they warn you that people, other people may see your photographs, which is, I think an indication that in most instances, nobody sees your photograph because the entire process is complicated. digital. The entire process is done by computers and machines, but there are no guarantees, especially if you're having it framed.
Somebody might need to look at your dirty, baked up frame, so maybe you should frame them yourselves. But I think this is a concern about consent in search of a violation.
Most of the prints you make online now, nowadays, you're not interacting with some high school junior who's working nights at Walgreens in the photo development department because there is no photo development department at Walgreens. You're sending them off from your computer, from your phone to a much bigger computer that is making prints automatically and spitting them back out to you.
Somebody might see them. That is possible. But I think it's a job occupation if you're in photo development, particularly now in our pornified age. So I would encourage you to do your own research, do some Googling, find a place that's entirely digital, and get those prints made if you want those prints made. And enjoy your kinky sex life.
And remember, you don't always have to take a picture when you're having kinky sex. Sometimes you can just let the kinky sex be kinky sex and not be kinky sex you felt obligated to document.
Hi, Dan. I'm calling in regards to a situation with my brother. He recently got engaged to a woman. He's known for less than six months. They moved in together after about three weeks. This is his third fiance. He's never been married. The last fiance he was with for less than a year before they got engaged.
My question is, am I an asshole for not wanting to engage with her and her kid who she has also brought into the mix? My family kind of paints a picture of me as an asshole because the fiance really wants to be involved with me. She wants to be my friend and text me all the time and make plans. I don't feel obligated. to be her friend.
I've been friends and dealt with his exes before because they've kind of pushed that on me. And then when it goes south, I'm kind of the one in between who's trying to make things better or help them in their relationship. It's really an uncomfortable place for me.
Nobody in my family seems to think it's crazy that they're getting engaged after a short amount of time, that they moved in after just less than a Her part-time, she has her on the weekends, some weekends. But I just don't think it's appropriate to move yourself and a kid in with somebody that you don't know. I'm accepting. I'm welcoming. I'm very nice to her. I got her Christmas gifts.
I got her kid Christmas gifts. But now that they've officially got engaged, I get texts all day from her. I get pictures. She's trying to constantly make plans. And I just don't want to deal with it. I don't want to be in that boat. But maybe I'm being rude and maybe I should just be welcoming. Maybe it is true love and I'm just being an asshole. But I just want to know.
Maybe I'm being a jerk for not wanting to jump in and be friends and go full in with her and her kid. Maybe it's me. I don't know.
Everyone here, me, Nancy, every single one of the tech savvy at-risk youth, and we checked with all of them, we're team you. We are on your side. Stick to your guns. Your boundaries here are perfectly reasonable. You don't have to wrap them up in judgment about your older brother's failed past relationships. But yeah, tell this woman a friendship might develop in time, but we can't Force it.
And I don't want to get 8 million texts from you every day. Let's hang out every once in a while. My brother has gotten to know you pretty well in a few months, well enough to want to propose to you. I will get to know you in time. And if we're going to be sisters-in-law and friends and friends, not sisters-in-law perforce friends, that relationship will develop.
But if you try to force the relationship... I'm not going to become your friend. It's like scaring me off. So I'm holding space. We're all holding space here for your entirely reasonable... boundaries. Don't tell your family that you don't want to hang out with this woman because your brother has a string of failed engagements in his past. Just tell them you're happy to see her at family events.
You obviously were kind to her at Christmas and this child, you got this child, a Christmas present, this child you've known for three months that is above and beyond the call of duty. And if you're going to be friends, that'll happen. You can also tell them that this is not what you want from a friend, a barrage of texts every day.
You know, who doesn't want 8 million texts in a day from me, my husband, my boyfriend, even if you were with this person, you wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of this kind of harassment. So yeah, just don't respond to her texts and don't take the bait. Your family gets on your grill about it. Don't be defensive. Just say, hey, I like her. Maybe we'll be friends. We'll see in time.
And change the fucking subject. But you're absolutely right. You're absolutely right. And you're also right about dating in your 40s. Sometimes you move on to a slightly quicker timetable. And you're right that three months in is too soon to introduce a child to not just your fiancé's family, but your fiancé if you've only been dating your fiancé for three months.
You don't want that child making an emotional investment in people who, given what we know about – how fleeting new relationships can be, and this is still a new relationship, could wind up exiting this child's life quickly. And a kid who's already... seen their parents divorce may have understandably some abandonment issues, which is why people are well advised.
But of course, nobody advised your brother's fiance to wait six months, a year into your, as certain as a person can be. And there are never any guarantees that this person you're asking to meet your kid, to make an emotional investment in your kid and your kid to make an emotional investment in your isn't going to disappear in a month's time. We'll be there.
You included and your extended family included, your sisters and mom next Christmas too. And you can't know that yet. That said, you're not this kid's parent. And just like you shouldn't shame your brother about his past relationships, don't shame this woman about the choices she's made. Maybe she's sure this relationship is going to work out.
My brother-in-law proposed to his wife a few weeks after meeting her. We were at their wedding, which was three months or four months after they met. We were very disapproving. 20 years, they're still together. And so it worked out. It could work out. We'll see. A friendship could develop. We'll see. That's what you should say to your mom. That's what you should say to this woman.
Look, we may be friends in time, but this is not how it's going to happen. And it will have to happen organically and on a schedule, a timeframe that works for both of us. And this forcing of it, this rushing of it, this doesn't work for me. If you want to be my friend someday, you need to knock this shit off now. All right, time for listener feedback.
First up, some of the comments left on last week's show and the very lively comment threads at savage.love. Says Pushing Squares, Dan, regarding the caller who was getting unsolicited offers of cash from FinSubs and was worried it might be a scam. This is a well-known scam, Dan. The pay pig sends a large sum of money from a stolen cash Venmo or PayPal account.
And then says, oops, I paid you too much and asks someone like the caller to send most of the money back, but to a different account this time, making up some story about why the original account is unavailable. The original transaction is then reversed and the caller is out the cash. So original caller, if you're out there, block these folks with proofreading.
Thank you, Pushing Squares, for bringing that to my attention. I wasn't aware of that scam. I am now. People, if somebody sends you a large sum of money and asks you to send it back, don't send it back. Just like there's no crying in baseball, there are no refunds in Fyndom.
Says Lars to the 30-something woman who's been dating a guy for the last few months but no sleepovers, haven't met any of his friends or his family. Call or confirm his name, where he lives, what his job is, everything. Because there is about a 93.7% chance you're the side piece and his quote-unquote ex is his wife or life partner.
Says by DanFan, Dan, you missed one important point in the call from the man who thought his nephew, with the conservative religious parents who goes to the conservative religious church, might be gay. What if he isn't?
This is another big reason why the caller shouldn't lead with, I know or suspect you're gay and it's okay with me, because if the nephew is straight, that could push him to become more outwardly homophobic or toxically masculine to try to dispel such assumptions.
Caller should say something like, I know your church isn't a very tolerant place, but I want you to know that I'll accept you no matter what. That could include the nephew being gay, but also kinky, poly, etc. Thank you, ByDanFan. That is good advice, better maybe than my advice to invite the might-be-gay nephew to a screening of Wicked. Thank you, as ever, ByDanFan, for your comments.
All right, for more listener feedback, check out Struggle Session every Thursday at savage.love. And now, everyone's favorite part of the show, the part where I shut my big gay mouth and let my listeners get the last word.
This is a response to the caller whose boyfriend of three months revealed that he was going to be taking a break to take care of his ex-girlfriend who was pregnant with his child. That woman was never his ex-girlfriend. He was cheating on her with you. I believe that for three reasons.
One Dan picked up on, which is that he was never allowing sleepovers, which is weird if you're not with somebody else.
two he's gonna go help out with her at the end of her pregnancy having been very pregnant twice she does not want her ex-boyfriend hanging out with her unless your ex-boyfriend is like an ob gyn you don't want them around even if they're the father of your child i hardly wanted my husband around and i love him very deeply
The last few weeks of pregnancy suck and they're not improved by having your ex hang out with you. And then the third reason that I believe this is still a current girlfriend or possibly wife is that he's still texting the caller. He's not calling her, which is something that would be hard to do if you had a very pregnant wife or girlfriend in the house with you.
Hi, Dan. I just listened to this week's episode and the call. Jill, the friend, was upset that her two guy friends were hitting on her new friend there. I had a very different interpretation than you about this. I don't think it's that Jill is into these guys and jealous. I think she may just be annoyed about the whole dynamic.
It is so frustrating to bring a girlfriend into a group of friends and all of the attention just becomes the dudes wanting to fuck her. Um, And maybe her interpretation is the only reason these guys want to go on this trip, the only reason they want to do this side quest, is to fuck her friend. And you don't have to be attracted to these guy friends to find it annoying because...
When guys are into a woman, their behavior completely changes. They're probably going to completely ignore Jill and just try to hook up with her friend. And that's just like a crappy vibe. It makes you feel used as the friend. Like people are just hanging out with you to hook up with your hotter friend. And it's just not a good vibe and makes for a really crappy trip across the world.
This is a response for the uncle in episode 948. I was that 22 year old Christian extremist in about 2014. I had a cousin a bit older than me who was super cool. Her parents had split up so that meant that they quote-unquote left the church.
She must have sensed that I was different and knew that she wouldn't be able to convince me that the rest of my family was lying to me about the evils of queer folks. So she just started sharing stories about the epic hikes and travel that her best friends Adam and his husband had
She humanized queer people for me in a way that, fictional or not, Adam and Steve made me realize that she'd be there for me if anything happened. And these adventures with Adam and Steve might be the reason that I'm still here.
And we're going to leave it there. We've got three ways for you to get us your questions and comments for future shows. You can record and upload your question directly onto our website at savage.love slash askdan. Or you can make a voice memo and email it to us at q at savage.love. Or you can call and leave us a message at 206-302-2064.
The official trailer for the 20th anniversary Hump Film Festival is out now. You can check it out and check out the lineup for the entire 20th anniversary Hump Film Festival lineup right now at humpfilmfest.com.
And once you've gotten a taste of the killer lineup, the great films we have this year at Hump, you're going to want to grab your tickets while you're on the website, which you can do also at humpfilmfest.com. And the holiday we needed is just one week away, the holiday to brighten the dreariest of Januaries.
Learn more about Feast of the Ass coming up January 14th, next Tuesday, and get your Feast of the Ass merch right now at savage.love.com. Follow me on Instagram and threads at Dan Savage. Follow me at blue sky at Dan Savage. Follow the funny Dom on Instagram and threads at the funny Dom returns. The third volume of the funny Dom's guide to kink. The daddy edition is out now.
The savage love cast is produced every week by Nancy Hartoonian and me and the tech savvy at risk youth and Nancy. We will all be back at you next week. Another installment of the savage love cast. Thank you for downloading. You will hear from us next on the feast of the ass.