Matt Abrahams is a communication expert, Stanford lecturer, and podcaster. Ever been put on the spot to give a quick speech, only to freeze up with nothing to say? Speaking with confidence and clarity is a skill, and the good news is, it can be learned. Today Matt Abrahams shares practical tips and tools to help you think faster, speak smarter, and become a more effective communicator. Expect to learn how to speak more confidently, why people choke when they are put on the spot and how to overcome anxiety while speaking, how having structure can actually liberate spontaneous speaking, how to avoid rambling and get to the point faster, he biggest errors people make during conversations, how to give a compelling toast with zero prep, the key ingredients of a meaningful apology, and much more… Sponsors: See discounts for all the products I use and recommend: https://chriswillx.com/deals Get 35% off your first subscription on the best supplements from Momentous at https://livemomentous.com/modernwisdom Get 60% off an annual plan of Incogni at https://incogni.com/modernwisdom Get the best bloodwork analysis in America at https://functionhealth.com/modernwisdom Extra Stuff: Get my free reading list of 100 books to read before you die: https://chriswillx.com/books Try my productivity energy drink Neutonic: https://neutonic.com/modernwisdom Episodes You Might Enjoy: #577 - David Goggins - This Is How To Master Your Life: https://tinyurl.com/43hv6y59 #712 - Dr Jordan Peterson - How To Destroy Your Negative Beliefs: https://tinyurl.com/2rtz7avf #700 - Dr Andrew Huberman - The Secret Tools To Hack Your Brain: https://tinyurl.com/3ccn5vkp - Get In Touch: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chriswillx Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/chriswillx YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/modernwisdompodcast Email: https://chriswillx.com/contact - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Chapter 1: What does Matt Abrahams do?
How do you describe what you do? I'm somebody who helps people develop and hone their communication skills. Communication is critical for our success in business and in life. And that's what I help people do through my teaching, my podcasting, my writing. Is that a problem people are having more of in the modern world? I think that's true. I think that's true.
As we become bombarded with more information, the ability to communicate clearly is critical for us to succeed. So yes, there's just a lot more information. It's important to be clear and concise and to really understand what's relevant for those you speak to.
Chapter 2: Why is clear communication important today?
What are the biggest problems that the people that you work with come to you complaining about?
Well, first and foremost, people are really anxious, especially in high-stakes speaking situations. So anxiety and learning to feel more confident is number one. And then number two, the big mistake people make is they just don't focus their messages, focus on their audience, make it concise, make it clear, interesting, and engaging.
So when I work with people in the classes I teach at Stanford or in the coaching I do, it's really around those elements.
Okay, so speaking anxiety, I keep hearing data or studies around it's the scariest thing that anybody ever has to do. If this was you in a tribal time, you would have been put on the spot and you had to defend yourself and maybe you'd have lost status or whatever. Why is it that people feel that way in your understanding of the literature?
What's going on inside of the mouth and the brain and the tongue? Give me a breakdown.
Yeah. So you hit it on the head. It's part of being human to be concerned about being up in front of other people. We see it in every culture that's been studied. It tends to start around the same time, right? As kids are entering their early teens is where we really see spikes in anxiety. And this spans culture.
It has to do with status and not the status of who drives the fanciest car, who has the most likes on social media. It's all about your relative status in a group. And as we were evolving, we would hang out in groups of around 150 people. And your status in that group mattered a lot. It meant you got access to resources, reproduction, food, shelter.
And if your status was low, you didn't have any of that. It was literally a matter of life and death. So it was critical to not do anything that jeopardized your status, like making a mistake or a fool of yourself in front of others. And we carry that with us. Now, Even though it's part of who we are, we can go about doing things to manage that anxiety so we can be successful. Okay.
Why do you think it is that... Good ability to public speak would be an adaptive skill when someone's put on the spot tribally. You know, it doesn't really relate to your capacity to bring down a deer or to gather berries necessarily. doesn't necessarily really even relate that much to being pro-social in terms of what you can contribute.
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Chapter 3: What causes speaking anxiety?
100%.
Not just in my opinion, in the research and in what I've seen happen for many, many people.
Okay. Is there a time where less preparation could actually make you better in some cases? Is there such a thing as over-preparation? Sure.
Just like in a sport where you can over-prepare, over-preparation gets you in the wrong headspace as well. Finding that sweet spot is important, but the most important thing is the type of preparation. So if I'm just practicing the same thing over and over again, so I'm memorizing, we've already talked about how that's not helpful.
But if I'm thinking about ways, different ways of saying it, practicing different ways of saying it, I'm actually building and preparing well. Think of an athlete who does a whole bunch of drills. The drill every time is not always the same, but it's in the same circumstance or dealing with the same situation. So when that situation presents itself, they are well prepared to deal with it.
So it's how you prepare that's the biggest barrier to success. Preparation is critical.
Yeah, give me a better way to prepare because people will say, this is the gold standard for my best man's speech. Script, word for word, this is how I'm going to say it. That's not good, but no preparation and just Harry Mack freestyle rapping it, also probably high risk strategy.
I would love to see you rap a best man's speech. So I'd love to see that.
I did one a couple of weeks, I did my first one a couple of months ago, no rapping involved, but it did go well, so.
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