Dr. John Delony is a mental health expert, author, YouTuber and speaker. What does it mean to be a good partner? We all want fulfilling relationships, but building one involves a careful balance of give and take. How do you show up as a supportive partner and not just for your significant other, but also for yourself? Expect to learn why we date people we feel we need to fix, why it’s so hard to leave relationships even if we don’t have our needs met, advice for how to move on from breakups easier, how to gain control of your mind, how to deal with stressful situations better, how to be a better partner to your significant other and much more… Sponsors: See discounts for all the products I use and recommend: https://chriswillx.com/deals Get a Free Sample Pack of all LMNT Flavours with your first purchase at https://drinklmnt.com/modernwisdom Get a 20% discount on Nomatic’s amazing luggage at https://nomatic.com/modernwisdom Get the best bloodwork analysis in America at https://functionhealth.com/modernwisdom Get $350 off the Pod 4 Ultra at https://eightsleep.com/modernwisdom (use code MODERNWISDOM) Extra Stuff: John's website: https://ter.li/ldhkxh Get my free reading list of 100 books to read before you die: https://chriswillx.com/books Try my productivity energy drink Neutonic: https://neutonic.com/modernwisdom Episodes You Might Enjoy: #577 - David Goggins - This Is How To Master Your Life: https://tinyurl.com/43hv6y59 #712 - Dr Jordan Peterson - How To Destroy Your Negative Beliefs: https://tinyurl.com/2rtz7avf #700 - Dr Andrew Huberman - The Secret Tools To Hack Your Brain: https://tinyurl.com/3ccn5vkp - Get In Touch: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chriswillx Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/chriswillx YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/modernwisdompodcast Email: https://chriswillx.com/contact - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Chapter 1: Why do we date people we feel we need to fix?
Dr. John Deloney, welcome to the show. My man, Chris. How are you? Thanks for the, dude, I'm fantastic. I love being back in Texas where I was born and raised, man. It's good. Are you adjusting?
I am slowly becoming native. Someone told me that I was allowed to use the word y'all because I've been here for three years now.
That's a huge, that's a huge welcome, Matt.
I get the sense. That's big, man. I get the sense that it is me being conned into saying the equivalent of the N word for texting people. Yeah. And the Texas Tribune is going to catch me hard-R-ing my way through y'all a couple of times. So I'm not falling for the sigh up. I can't quite get to that. I'm up to sidewalk and trash can, but y'all, not yet.
What's the alternative to trash can? Rubbish.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to be careful with rubbish bin here. Rubbish bin. Yeah, you don't know what that means. Crack that open. Come on, get it in you. All right. You've been waiting for this. I've been excited for this moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you'll have an unlimited amount going to the office soon. Well, I appreciate that. Orange sunrise for you. Excellent.
This is my first one. This is my live review. Cherry popper. That's outstanding. That's outstanding. Well done, man. Thank you. Well done.
Good, good. Yeah, you're now five IQ points smarter. Ten. Each sip is... I accept, man. You'll light me up like a Christmas tree. Half a standard deviation. All right. I have no idea how I didn't stumble across you and the work that you do, because it aligns so much with lots of the things that I'm very interested in, and I really appreciate the way that you... are firm but gentle and reassuring.
I think when you speak to people, a lot of the conversations around relationships and dating and mental health tend to me to either be so soft as to not have an impact or so brusque and harsh as to cause people to get defensive and for it to feel a little bit more about the host or the commentator, the advice giver, than it is about the person who has the problem.
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Chapter 4: How can we hold space for someone in pain?
Well, I mean, you have immediate response from the audience.
It's one of the last bastions of human connection.
Yeah, you play a good note, they make a noise. You tell a good joke, they make a noise. It's very quick. So yeah, I think just one thing that's come to me, although the internet and remote working have afforded everybody the opportunity to step back and to, you know, I can work from anywhere, man. You know, I can be on the top of a mountain. I can determine my own working schedule.
I don't need anybody else. I just need a laptop and an internet connection. I'm good. That's great. But it's siloed you off. from being able to do the thing that you actually wanted to do, which was enjoy the fucking process of doing the work. And look, some people are just looking to earn in pounds and spend in pesos and they have whatever, like fulfillment that occurs outside of their job. Fine.
But if you want to get some fulfillment from your job, I don't think that you can solo Sigma Male Lone Ranger Wantrepreneur in fucking Bali. Because when you nail this next client on a sales call for like the biggest deal you've ever, oh my God, like Hewlett Packard are going to use our software. Dude, you just made 20 grand. You just made 20 grand. Oh, it's just me that made 20 grand.
Who am I going to celebrate with? And I'm fired up, kind of, but I'm not that fired up because the whole reason that you want to win something is so that you can go with other people.
That's the Wolf of Wall Street, DiCaprio's character. It looks like he's... He's addicted to the deal. I don't think he was. I think he was addicted to the room cheering. Yeah. You know what I mean? To that celebration. And the deal gets you that, right?
Yes. Yes. So that becomes the proxy. And all the money is, is just the number that you get to like shout in the air with everybody else.
That's it.
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