Huberman Lab
Overcoming Guilt & Building Tenacity in Kids & Adults | Dr. Becky Kennedy
Mon, 13 Jan 2025
In this episode, my guest is Dr. Becky Kennedy, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist, renowned expert on parent-child relationships and founder of Good Inside, an educational platform for parents and parents-to-be. We discuss how to learn, embody, and teach better emotional processing, leading to healthier relationships in parenting, work, romantic partnerships and friendships. Dr. Kennedy shares practical strategies for managing guilt, building frustration tolerance, and nurturing emotional intelligence, as well as the impact of technology on emotional processing. This conversation aims to empower listeners to cultivate resilient, loving and supportive connections across all areas of life. Read the episode show notes at hubermanlab.com. Thank you to our sponsors AG1: https://drinkag1.com/huberman Wealthfront**: https://wealthfront.com/huberman Our Place: https://fromourplace.com/huberman Joovv: https://joovv.com/huberman LMNT: https://drinklmnt.com/huberman Eight Sleep: https://eightsleep.com/huberman **This experience may not be representative of the experience of other clients of Wealthfront, and there is no guarantee that all clients will have similar experiences. Cash Account is offered by Wealthfront Brokerage LLC, Member FINRA/SIPC. The Annual Percentage Yield (“APY”) on cash deposits as of December 27, 2024, is representative, subject to change, and requires no minimum. Funds in the Cash Account are swept to partner banks where they earn the variable APY. Promo terms and FDIC coverage conditions apply. Same-day withdrawal or instant payment transfers may be limited by destination institutions, daily transaction caps, and by participating entities such as Wells Fargo, the RTP® Network, and FedNow® Service. New Cash Account deposits are subject to a 2-4 day holding period before becoming available for transfer. Timestamps 00:00:00 Dr. Becky Kennedy; LA Fires 00:03:13 Emotions, Parents & Kids, Information, Tools: Story; “Right to Notice” 00:11:24 Sponsors: Wealthfront & Our Place 00:14:25 Empathy, Kids & Parents 00:18:33 Sturdiness, Pilot Analogy, Tool: Parental Self-Care 00:26:34 Emotions, Rigidity, Moody vs Steady Kids, Siblings 00:32:51 Emotion Talk, Crying; Eye Rolls, Tools: Not Taking Bait; Discuss Struggle 00:39:26 Parent-Child Power Dynamics, Tools: Requests for Parent; Repair 00:48:50 Sponsors: AG1 & Joovv 00:51:39 Power & Authority, Tools: Learning More; Parent Primary Job & Safety 00:59:16 Statements of Stance, Actions vs Emotions; Values, Behaviors & Rigidity 01:05:59 Guilt, Women; Tools: “Not Guilt”, Tennis Court Analogy & Empathy 01:15:46 Sponsors: LMNT & Eight Sleep 01:18:41 Guilt, Relationships, Tool: Naming Values Directly 01:26:06 Locate Others & Values; Sturdy Leadership; Parenting & Shame 01:31:36 Egg Analogy & Boundaries; Tools: Frame Separation; Pilot & Turbulence; Safety 01:39:30 Projection, “Porous”; Tools: Gazing In vs Out, Most Generous Interpretation 01:45:51 Tools: “Soften”; Do Nothing & Difficult Situations; Proving Parenting 01:51:05 Gazing In vs Out, Scales; Self-Needs & Inconvenience 02:00:05 Stress & Story, Nervous; Relationships vs Efficiency 02:08:46 Technology, Relationships, Frustration Tolerance, Gratification 02:15:18 Slowing Down, Phones, Frustration, Capability 02:21:42 Immediate Gratification, Effort & Struggle, Dopamine 02:29:25 Confidence, Board Games, Parental Modeling 02:34:04 Ultra-Performers & Pressure, Emptiness 02:41:29 Trying Things, Unlived Dreams, Frustration Tolerance, Tool: Learning Space 02:51:08 Learning & Building Frustration Tolerance, Tantrums; Feelings & Story 03:03:00 Tool: Using Story; Shame, Punishment 03:12:55 Leadership & Storytelling, Tools: Asking Questions; Songs & Learning 03:23:21 Miss Edson, Momentum, Tool: Small First Steps 03:30:15 Tools: Parents & Starting Point 03:36:29 Good Inside, Zero-Cost Support, Spotify & Apple Follow & Reviews, YouTube Feedback, Sponsors, Social Media, Neural Network Newsletter Disclaimer & Disclosures
Full Episode
Welcome to the Huberman Lab Podcast, where we discuss science and science-based tools for everyday life. I'm Andrew Huberman, and I'm a professor of neurobiology and ophthalmology at Stanford School of Medicine. My guest today is Dr. Becky Kennedy. Dr. Becky Kennedy is a clinical psychologist and one of the world's foremost experts in parent-child relationships.
Now you may or may not have children. If you do, today's episode is absolutely for you. If you don't, well, you were once a child. Perhaps you're even still a child. Today's episode also will have valuable knowledge and tools that you can apply to your life.
Today, Dr. Becky Kennedy teaches us an immense number of extremely valuable tools for the workplace, for romantic relationships, for family relationships of all types, not just parent-child relationships, and of course, also for parent-child relationships.
We discuss themes that have not been discussed previously on the Huberman Lab podcast, topics such as guilt, which Dr. Becky Kennedy offers a completely unique perspective on, one that I've never heard before and that frankly, I don't think anyone has heard before. In fact, she distinguishes between what most people think is guilt
and an entirely different set of emotions and offers you very useful practical tools for when you experience guilt and how to work with guilt. We also extensively discuss frustration or what she calls frustration tolerance.
Frustration tolerance is an extremely important theme for everybody to understand and apply in their lives because frustration tolerance, as Dr. Becky Kennedy so aptly points out, is central to the learning process of anything at every age.
If you can understand this concept and you apply some of the very simple rules and tools that Dr. Kennedy explains during the podcast, I assure you, you can learn many more things much more quickly and with much greater satisfaction, if not during the process, certainly at the end when you master that learning. And those are just a few of the themes that we discussed during today's episode. Again,
Whether or not you have children, I assure you that today's episode is going to be immensely beneficial for all of your relationships. You will notice during today's episode that our studio backdrop is different. You will notice that for once, I was not wearing this particular style of shirt.
The reason for that is that this episode was recorded during the LA fires, what was initially called the Palisades fire, and then spread to multiple fires throughout LA County. So we were not able to access our normal studio.
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