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Father Knows Something

152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..

Wed, 08 Jan 2025

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Welcome back to Father Knows Something! Real People. Real Stories. Real Dad advice with a dash of ADHD, and maybe a couple of millennials chiming in from time to time to add their takes. Welcome to 2025! This week's episode has Jerry and Justin responding to a variety of write-ins that have the undertone of dating and whether or not they are in it to marry. For example, what do you do when you're dating and the ring your partner wants to propose with isn't what you'd like? Or maybe you're dating a partner with a child and figuring out how to navigate this dynamic for the rest of your life? Or maybe you did date and marry but now your husband forgets anything you say?! There's some tough write-ins this week and we need your comments to help give the very best advice to our family members here! Partners: BetterHelp: http://betterhelp.com/fks Rosetta Stone: https://www.rosettastone.com/fks Dipsea: http://dipseastories.com/fks Submit your write-in ! https://forms.gle/8G2e4ockyZLNoiuX7 Bonus Stories on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fatherknows !! Our P.O. Box: Father Knows Something. 5042 Wilshire BLVD. #470. Los Angeles, CA. 90036 Follow up on Instagram @ Father Knows Something UPDATE US!! If your story has been read respond here: https://forms.gle/6CP9KoWvJ4NMKewa7 Video version available on YouTube: YouTube.com/fatherknowssomething  Be sure to subscribe and tell us what you would give for advice! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Transcription

Chapter 1: What is the theme of tonight's episode?

98.174 - 100.596 Morgan

Story number one.

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100.936 - 101.597 Morgan

Number one.

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101.917 - 102.878 Morgan

Number one.

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122.642 - 145.117 Justin

Hello, everyone. Hello. My 25 female husband, 25 male, frequently forgets things I tell him or doesn't remember having entire conversations. Most recently, I baked a cake from scratch and made Christmas themed cake pops. I worked on these for several hours and made enough to take to work and have enough left for a few family members.

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145.998 - 172.156 Justin

I wrapped them in clear treat bags and left one in a plain Ziploc bag for my husband to have. That night, I told him who I was giving them to and that I left him one in a Ziploc bag. I explained that I had exactly enough and no extras. The next day, he told me he ate one, but I noticed the Ziploc bag was still in the fridge. He wasn't paying attention. I asked if he was joking, but he was not.

172.476 - 195.787 Justin

When I pointed out that we had a conversation about which one was his and how I had no extras, he didn't remember having the conversation. Asked who they were for and said sorry. I know this seems like a silly issue over a cake pop, but this happens many other times in different situations. Telling him a shirt can't be dried, that I have an appointment the next morning, etc.

196.487 - 216.979 Justin

Sometimes when these things happen, he will eventually say he remembers the conversation, but just forgot in the moment or that it was an accident. When this happens, it makes me feel that he listens just to respond instead of listening to understand or remember. During these conversations, he will be responding and asking questions.

Chapter 2: How to handle a forgetful partner?

217.98 - 238.831 Justin

I've talked to him about this on multiple occasions, but he says I want him to be 100% perfect. It happens so often that it can be multiple times a day, and I feel unseen and unheard. Ideal outcome, to get advice on how to resolve this or to know if I'm just being difficult and emotional about this.

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239.406 - 263.76 Jerry

So he's saying that she wants him to be 100% perfect. Well, I mean, he should be listening to our conversation because he himself should want to be 100% perfect. Strive to be. At least try. You know, I do know that there was a two and a half men episode where Charlie was certainly saying that, you know, he just, you know, doesn't pay attention.

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264.3 - 279.566 Jerry

And she was saying, Charlie, you don't pay attention. He goes, but I'm trying to pay attention. And, you know, she would be, you know, you know, describing this thing that she needs. And he was like speaking in a whole different language in his brain. And he was just totally, you know, disconnected.

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279.726 - 279.906 Morgan

Yeah.

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281.095 - 306.527 Jerry

I don't know if that's typical of guys. I, I certainly, I really do try to listen. I really do try to digest and be able to spit back what my partner wants. And, you know, my short-term memory is not as good as it used to be as we, as I'm aging. But, you know, maybe my And I can't tell you if I was perfect.

306.607 - 316.651 Jerry

I do know that it is a stride that I try to do to be much better in the moment to listen to what my partner is saying, what they want.

316.931 - 317.092 Unknown

Yeah.

317.572 - 341.228 Jerry

And that's something that has to come from within him. So I would let them certainly know that this is a problem and it's frustrating and it might be a deal breaker for you. And I'm not threatening, but I'm letting you know that I find such frustration in it that if you can't really try to do better or make some notes, everyone carries these wonderful little phones.

341.728 - 342.009 Morgan

Yes.

Chapter 3: What advice is there for dating someone with a child?

949.142 - 970.983 Jerry

It's really who engages with the child, who brings love and who brings understanding and shares and has fun with them. That's what being a parent is and teaching. It's all of the above, everything listed but not limited to what's listed. It could be every aspect.

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971.484 - 995.708 Jerry

When that child is sick and has a sniffle or doesn't feel well and she says, I don't feel well, and you're there to help make sure that there's chicken soup or you're making sure that she's warm or he's warm and you're making sure that there's things going on. That's being a parent. That's been an adult impact in all those children's lives, if it's the first one, the second one, the third one.

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996.048 - 996.228 Morgan

Yeah.

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996.769 - 1020.423 Jerry

And biological connection is really not part of it. That's something that people put out. Everyone else puts on board. I never did. I have three children. They're all from different biological fathers and they're all my kids. And far as I'm concerned, they're not a half brother or a half sister. They are brother and sister in the story. I don't want to hear about half brother, half this or that.

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1020.783 - 1021.003 Unknown

Yeah.

1021.064 - 1028.426 Jerry

Bullshit. That was not allowed in our home. We are a family. And that's just the way it is.

1028.846 - 1043.042 Justin

Yeah. And it worked. Well, as far as the concerns of his family, like you said, you know, them not being excited and that kind of thing. I think if they love and support him, you know, life happens. They will be excited.

1043.742 - 1069.647 Justin

So it's another big wedding they get to go to, you know, and any more grandkids, I don't think they're going to be upset, you know, for, for at least me in my life and my experience. I don't live in a world where, Oh, the firstborn, it's the firstborn child. And then all the rest are just like, yeah, whatever. It's every child is special and every child has their place.

1069.767 - 1095.321 Justin

And it, you know, yeah, of course there's things about being the youngest or the oldest or the middle child. And, how you grow up in that, but not in terms of anyone being more loved or any of that. But I'm curious what you think about dealing with the ex-wife, because our ideal outcome is for everyone to be happy, including boyfriend's ex-wife, and to keep dating this wonderful man.

Chapter 4: How to communicate about engagement rings?

2134.458 - 2141.6 Jerry

And go somewhere different and get a fresh start. I mean, you're young enough for a fresh start. Yeah. You're in a perfect place for it.

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2141.84 - 2151.303 Justin

I think, honestly, I feel like you can fresh start at any time. Yeah. You really can. I know it gets harder as you get older, but. Look, I just did a fresh start. I'm 67 fresh start.

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2152.967 - 2160.609 Jerry

Yeah, but you're talking big fresh start. You're talking... Well, either way, if she's looking at a different person, it's a fresh start. Yeah, right.

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2160.829 - 2186.979 Justin

Yeah. I don't know. I've never been stuck like this on someone. I have been. I know someone that has, and they... And it's a person we've worked with a lot and they would come into the studio and just break down all the time for, I mean, this was over the course of years and we wrote many songs about it, but it just never seemed to progress.

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2187.159 - 2213.106 Justin

It always felt like they were stuck and they'd get a little bit better and then fall back into it and then be brokenhearted and I know over the course of the last maybe six months, they've seemed to really come back. And I think it's because they've met new people and they finally started to be able to distance themselves and get through that. So maybe physically moving is one of the best options.

2213.126 - 2230.378 Jerry

I did. I mean, I had a thing with Morgan's mom. We kept going back in circles and- You know, couldn't break it. Couldn't break away the pattern. And I finally just said, you know, we're, we're not succeeding. We're crossing boundaries. And if I can't, if we can't live within our boundaries of going on with our lives, then I need to make a bigger boundary.

2231.098 - 2233.46 Jerry

And I said, it's going to be an 1800 mile boundary.

2233.76 - 2246.75 Justin

Yeah. And bingo, that worked. And that goes right along with the ideal outcome. I would like to move on, push this chapter of my life behind me, open myself up to something new and have new experiences with new people.

2247.191 - 2252.715 Jerry

Yep. Sounds like moving. If you can't do it while you're in the same town, you're going to have to pick it up and leave.

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