Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Wed, 12 Feb 2025
This episode is brought to you by Blueland, Fatty15, and Ollie. When it comes to happiness in relationships, we often overlook the daily effort and tools needed for true intimacy. Instead, we focus on the romanticized end result, without fully understanding what it takes to create lasting success. Today’s guest is here to dispel common myths and share the key questions and practical tools that can help us build stronger, happier relationships. Today on The Dhru Purohit Show, Dhru sits down with his good friend and author Lindsay Roth to explore the key ingredients of strong, lasting relationships. Lindsay shares the journey that led her to write a book on relationships, the top things that destroy them, and the simple yet powerful questions you can ask to strengthen your connection with your partner. She also explains how rituals and routines can deepen intimacy and why scheduling intimacy can actually relieve stress and pressure in a relationship. Dhru also reflects on the lessons he's learned about maintaining open communication and vulnerability in his own relationship. If you’re looking to reignite and recharge your relationship, this conversation is for you! Lindsay Jill Roth is an award-winning television and live-events producer who has created and developed a wide variety of programming globally, including original content for NBC, BET, ESPN, Food Network, Billboard, The Masters, The Grammys, The Tonys, and the US Open. She is the former producer of Emmy-nominated Larry King Now and the creator and executive producer of Haylie Duff’s Real Girl’s Kitchen. She is also the author of the novel What Pretty Girls Are Made Of. In this episode, Dhru and Lindsay dive into: What actually makes us happy? (00:25) Being proactive in relationships (05:07) The top thing that destroys a relationship (13:26) How to improve your relationship (16:56) The power of routines and rituals (25:57) Asking intentional questions to strengthen connection (29:20) The origin story of Lindsay's book (41:20) Showcasing strengths, fostering belonging, and confronting weaknesses (52:36) Understanding how you argue and apologize meaningfully (56:54) Intimacy—discussing and scheduling sex (01:11:18) Routines to deepen intimacy between partners (01:15:30) Final thoughts (01:26:50) Also mentioned in this episode: Romances & Practicalities: Lindsay’s Book For more on Lindsay, follow her on Instagram, LinkedIn, and her Website. This episode is brought to you by Blueland, Fatty15, and Ollie. Get a clean home while keeping a clean planet with Blueland. Right now, get 15% off your first order by going to blueland.com/dhru. Fatty15 is offering an additional 15% off its 90-day subscription Starter Kit. Go to fatty15.com/dhru and use code DHRU to replenish your C15 levels for long-term health. Want to give your dog the best in clean eating? Take the online quiz and introduce Ollie to your pet. Right now, Ollie is offering 60% off your first box of meals when you subscribe today! Just head to Ollie.com, use the code DHRU and you’ll get 60% off your first box of meals in your subscription. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Chapter 1: What makes us happy in relationships?
Lindsay, welcome to the podcast. I want to read you a pretty wild headline, an article from MSNBC from 2023. Okay, bring it on. Title, an 85-year Harvard study found the number one thing that makes us happy in life And it helps us live longer. So then the article continues. I'm going to read this and I want to get your reaction to this.
So backstory in 1938, Harvard researchers embarked on a decades long study to find out what actually makes us happy in life. The researchers gathered health records from 725 participants from all over the world and asked detailed questions about their lives at two year intervals.
contrary to what you might think audience it's not career achievement it's not money it's not exercise or a healthy diet although i'm a fan of those things the most consistent finding over this 85 year harvard study one of the longest running studies in the history of america and the world
The most consistent finding they learned was positive relationships keep us happier, healthier, and help us live longer, period. What do you have to say about that?
I'm not surprised. I'm not surprised. I just wrote a book on how to achieve healthy, lasting love. And I spoke with many experts, many couples, many people who have all validated this fact that finding people that you're comfortable with and happy with, and you feel you're authentic self with, that's what makes you happy.
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Chapter 2: How can we be proactive in our relationships?
It goes back to that, you know, when you see people's tombstones, do you write your work title on your tombstone? No, you write about your spouse or your family or the life that you lived. That's what's important. You know, I want to be one of those people in life. I want to be married for like 65 years and I want someone to ask me what the secret to my healthy, happy, long life is.
And I want to be able to answer that it's positive relationships and ice cream. You might not approve of the ice cream thing.
Hey, I'm all about ice cream. If you tolerate dairy, go to town. Maybe just make a grass-fed dairy when you can. Yeah, of course.
Actually, whatever high-end ice cream keeps us alive. But I 1 million percent believe that headline.
Well, you know, just a quick thing before we go into our questions here. The book is out.
The book is out.
It's called Romances and Practicalities. If you're watching on YouTube, I'm holding it in front of me right over here.
It's such a pretty cover, isn't it?
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Chapter 3: What is the top thing that destroys a relationship?
Such a beautiful cover. And subtitle, A Love Story, Maybe Yours, in 250 questions. And that... Key that the end of that subtitle, 250 questions. Anybody who's been a fan of this podcast and who's been listening along my journey knows that I'm a huge fan of asking questions to bring us closer. I have a men's group where every week we meet on Thursdays. We call it man morning Thursday.
We've been doing it for 10 years.
I've known about it for 10 years.
Chapter 4: What are effective ways to improve your relationship?
Yes, you have. We've been friends for a long time. And we kick it off with a person who's a captain who asks a question. And the question is designed to create a sense of intimacy and opening, especially for men who don't always open up or aren't always told that they can open up about real stuff that they're dealing with in life. And it's been one of the most favorite things that I've had.
Another area, which coming back to this book, is it's been a huge foundation of me and my wife's relationship. And we're honored to have a little, cameo in the book.
It's an amazing cameo. You guys, you guys were so much fun to talk to.
Well, I don't talk a lot about my relationship with my wife here besides shouting out, you know, and talking about how amazing she is and some of the health protocols she tries.
But if you're interested and you're curious and been following this podcast since it launched in 2018, we're going to share some more details about three things in particular that my wife and I do to build connection and to build connection romance, but also within the standpoint of romance is not just this big love story. It's also this practical thing that you do on a regular basis.
Well, the practicals are what enhance your romance. I know we'll get more into that, but that is the thesis of this book.
Well, I want to start off with one thing because I love to deliver value right away. You know, one of the core through lines of this book is that communication is And practicing communication is a key part of what brings anybody together.
So whether you're single, whether you're in a relationship, whether you want to use some of these questions, even to connect with your kids, your coworker, well, some of them are not appropriate for coworkers. We'll get to that in a second.
But anybody in your life that you care of, that the questions are appropriate for that relationship, communication and practicing that communication is what allows for that deepening of the relationship. And I like to talk about the opposite of things. To me, the opposite is, for a lot of people, especially the Disneyfication of romantic relationships, is that it'll just happen.
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Chapter 5: How do routines and rituals deepen intimacy?
I hate that.
Talk to us about why that mentality is so toxic.
That means that you're taking a backseat. in your life. And you're letting things happen to you that you're not either putting out energy for or taking control of. Drew, it is 2025. I really want to change the landscape of how we put ourselves out there in the world, whether it's in business relationships, but here in romantic relationships. Nothing should just happen to you.
You should look at yourself, ask yourself questions. That's the first thing, right? The first thing is looking to yourself and saying, who am I? Who do I want to be? What works for me? What are my deal breakers? There are questions in here to help you do that. But if you just let the world happen, then you're taking a backseat to the world. And who wants to be in the backseat their whole lives?
Chapter 6: What questions strengthen connection in relationships?
You know, last year, our most popular interview that we had was with a world expert on narcissism. I believe that. It completely shocked me because that's not a topic we talk about. But the reason we talked about it is because... And we talked about this 85-year running study. We said, okay, if the key to happiness...
and true connection and joy in life is healthy relationships, then that means that the toxic people that we surround ourselves in life with and chronically surround ourselves in life with, some people might be married to that person and be in a situation where they don't feel that they can leave. Those take years from our life. And she said, it's the most
under talked about aspect that's damaging our health. And it was a beautiful episode. I bet. The only challenge was, and that's my hope for our audience is that we can continue the challenge, is that we didn't give, okay, we talked a lot about what was bad, who to avoid, how to identify a narcissist, the true toll that it takes on your life, but we didn't give hope for the next aspect.
And that's really what this conversation is, is how do you use conversations? We're all going to meet so many people in our life, people being married again,
people deepening a relationship that maybe has fallen off track a little bit, which that's the number one person I've been recommending this book to is people who are actually already in a relationship who need a reconnectioning, a rekindling, but we need a roadmap and we need tools to be able to do that. That's what I see this book is doing.
I want to add years to people's lives, right? I want to help them find that healthy relationship. Relationships are great. Healthy relationships are superior to anything else. And you know what? You can do the work at the beginning of your relationship to make sure that you are finding that healthy relationship, that you're not in that situation.
If you take things like questions and conversation and you engage with someone that you care about right from the beginning, you're setting yourself up for a lifetime of of healthy conversation and happiness and positivity in your relationship. I mean, you're with your men's group for 10 years. Have you ever run out of things to ask or things to talk about?
No, no. We have too many questions.
Right? But you set a foundation early on with this group of people to allow people to feel safe. And once you do that by opening yourselves up to each other, you can keep doing that. And that's the key. The key is to, it's not about the sex that you have right away. It's about the intimacy that you have right away. And intimacy doesn't just come from physical touch.
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Chapter 7: What is the origin story of Lindsay's book?
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Chapter 8: How to communicate effectively in a relationship?
And I'm telling you, listen to that person because life is long. And if you're not happy or you're not yourself, then you have to find someone else.
So here's another question behind the question is, what do you think drives that, that need that we have to want to fall in love with a story or a projection instead of accepting somebody for who they are and really listening to how they're coming across?
I think there are so many verticals. I can answer your question. You mentioned Disney romance, right? I think there is that theory of Disney romance. There are social media romances where you see what people have and you think that's what exists, but we don't know what goes on behind the camera, right? So there's that.
Then there's this societal pressure of the only way to live your life is to be married. This book is not how to get married. So let's get that right out from the beginning. This is about healthy love.
And whatever healthy love looks like to you, whether it's marriage, living together, living separately, being engaged, just a partnership, whatever works for you is okay as long as there's communication behind it. So I think there's those pressures. Look, God knows I had family members saying, when are you getting married? When are you getting married?
And then once you're married, when are you having a kid? When are you having a kid? Then you have a kid. When's your next kid coming? So there's always something driving what our perceptions are. And I want people to get focused on who they are and what they want.
And if you have these voices in your head, a family member saying to you, you should be married or you should do this, you can want that too. But understand if it's coming from you or it's coming from them. Be honest with yourself.
Going back to people that are in relationships, you know, one thing that a lot of people find themselves in and they often struggle with, I don't know exactly how I got here.
Yep. How could we have never talked about this is something that I hear all the time when people pick up this book.
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Chapter 9: Why is scheduling intimacy important?
Quick question.
Answer.
Do you have your blue light blocking glasses on as well?
So it's so funny because you talk about this all the time. And my husband falls asleep in about 30 seconds. So he doesn't need them. But I do. definitely need that. I need some of your turn off the light rituals. And I listened to you talk about this and I know you, and I really do. When you recommend a product, I'm always like, bye, bye, bye.
Cause I trust you with my everything, but that's one that I do need to do.
Okay. Back to the story. Back to the rituals. I'll picture you guys in bed. It's a nightly thing. You're standing there. You have the iPad. Yep. Does he ever struggle to stay up during that time?
No, actually. So this is what's interesting. So I like to go to bed earlier than he does. And he works a lot. And he's a very present husband and father. But we're on different schedules sometimes. So what happens is we get into bed. We do our games. We chit-chat a little bit. And then he might go work for two or three hours, two hours.
But we have that moment of connection and we both really look forward to it. So some nights we don't eat dinner together, but we do reconvene in bed and just have that time together. And then if I'm traveling for work or he's traveling for work or things are particularly busy with our lives, which everyone has, that is something that we can come back to that automatically. clicks us back in.
So in a way, it's a shortcut, but it's not because we both cherish this so much. So if you, to your question, if you find, you don't always know that you're distancing as you're distancing, but suddenly you feel distance.
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