Conan sits down with talent coordinator Maddie Ogden to discuss the sordid state of the studio snack basket. Wanna get a chance to talk to Conan? Submit here: teamcoco.com/apply Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/conan.
Chapter 1: What is the premise of 'Snack Attack with Talent Coordinator Maddie Ogden'?
Hey there, welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan. Now, these drop, that's what the kids say, on Wednesdays. Thursdays. What's that?
Thursdays.
Oh, I don't get out much. Do you go out to get your podcast? Is that what you do? We're doing something a little different today. Sometimes in this slot, I talk to a fan, but we had a different notion in mind. In fact, I did. Yeah, this is you. This is me. This comes from me. You know I like to run a tight ship. I like to make sure that, no, I'm serious.
Chapter 2: How does Conan O'Brien manage Team Coco?
I'm at the helm of a powerful company, an industry really, Team Coco. And I am constantly looking for ways to improve the efficiency. I'm kind of Muskian, almost. No. Did I go the wrong way? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I'll think of a better way.
In every term of Musk, you're not the Musk.
Okay, okay. Okay, that was the wrong way to go. I think of myself as sort of... And it was Santa, Santa walking through the workshop, making sure that all of the elves are hard at work making the toys.
No.
No? No closer.
This is the furthest thing from a tight ship I think I can think of.
Really?
If this was the North Pole and you were Santa, there would be no Christmas.
Right. Have you ever seen Ghost Ship where everybody gets bisected by a metal cable? That's kind of what this is.
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Chapter 3: Why is Conan concerned about the studio snack basket?
Do you think this is how Santa treats his elves?
I think these fucking elves should get their asses in here.
I think he's a jolly man. He seems nice to the elves.
You know what? If I ran the North Pole, those toys would get out on time. There wouldn't be any complaints. Most kids would get coal, even the good kids. And by the way, coal is worth more, you know, these days. It's true.
It's not.
What are you talking about? Coal? Yeah, coal.
Okay.
It's a source of petrol. Anyhoots, I had a purpose in doing this, which is I've been irritated by something recently. I've noticed that there's a flaw in our system, okay? When we have guests on the show, and we have some pretty big names come here, we do a very nice thing, which is we put out this basket of treats for them.
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Chapter 4: What types of snacks does Maddie Ogden provide?
Lately, I've been looking, and there's a nice little sign on the basket of treats that says, welcome, and then celebrity. That's very thoughtful. Yeah, it is very sweet. If Will Ferrell's here, it's like, welcome, Will. Whatever, it's a nice thing. It's very friendly. And it's all put together by Maddie Ogden, who's our talent coordinator.
And she does a great job of making sure that everyone's very well taken care of. But lately, I've been just looking at the basket, and the basket is an abomination. Yeah. I mean, it's a crime. It is packed with all this aggressively healthy eco snacks. And I, first of all, I'm noticing not a lot of people are taking the baskets. I don't think anybody takes the baskets.
And it used to be filled with really fun things, like, oh, a chocolate-covered pretzel, and here's some raisinets, and here's some this and that. Lately, I don't know what's going on, but I want to get Maddie Ogden in here if she's in the building. Wow. Disagree.
I want to find out what's going on. Do you have any exhibit A's?
Yeah, I have some exhibits here. So let's get Maddie here. Maddie, I hope. Come on in, Maddie. Maddie! Maddie!
I just want to say Sona and I have your back at all times.
Yeah, we do. We really do. Well, a lot of good they'll do you because they don't carry the weight that I have. Maddie, one of the things that I've noticed recently is that, and I guess you choose these snacks, is that it got aggressive. It got real aggressive. For example, I'm going to put on the old specs here. Gimme roasted seaweed snacks. Toasted sesame roasted to light crispy perfection.
So literally shit that washes up on the beach. and dries, you're giving two. What's more, there's two of them.
Yeah, there's two.
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Chapter 5: How do the podcast guests react to the provided snacks?
Oh, here's more. There's Tempura Seaweed Snacks by Nora. I don't even know. And it's a weird shape. It looks like a satanic shape.
Satanic?
Yeah. Who's Nora? This does not look good. This does not look good. Oh, and there's something else. There's one thing that isn't in here that was in here for a while, and I think you got scared and stopped because you noticed that I was complaining, which is mushroom jerky.
I knew you were going to say that.
Why were you putting mushroom jerky? I would, if you put a 44 Magnum to my skull, I would not take a bite of mushroom jerky. And you were handing it to our guests? And then you wonder why suddenly all the A-listers dropped out? Where do you even get mushroom jerky?
At the snack aisle in Gelson's. And I do have a story. And that's when Bill Hader came back for the third time. He picked up the mushroom jerky and he said, is this a prank? Is this a prank? Yes.
Well, I'm on Bill's side. Bill's a valued guest. Let's see what else we got here. Island style. Let's think like, oh, good. I guess these are potato chips.
You can't make fun of those.
Yeah, Rusty's chips. They're island style. That doesn't look like any potato chip I've ever seen in my life. It looks good, though.
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Chapter 6: What does Conan suggest for better snack options?
Listen, listen, Maddie, Maddie, Maddie, I don't want you... I don't want you at all to be on the, I don't want you to all be at all be on the defensive. Okay. But if, but listen.
You just attacked her for 10 minutes straight. I know, what?
I don't know why you're being so defensive. By the way, let's continue with the Nuremberg trial. Maddie, if snacks are your love language, you are filled with hate. This is just awful what you're doing. And yes, I agree with you that I understand your tactic, that yes, would you, you're just chomping away.
These are good.
Oh, I can't see them. Thank you, Sona.
You just knocked both of the gluten-free brothers on the floor.
Yeah, I knocked out both gluten-free brothers with one mighty backhanded blow. Oh my God.
And Irwin.
Here, have some teriyaki chips. Why don't you eat this highlighter while you're at it? I hear it's free of electrolytes. Maddie. Yes, yes. Here's the problem. Yes, you have identified a real problem, which is that this little podcast studio that we run, this Team Coco world, is just a ship filled with rats that need to be bisected, by the way. And it's sad.
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