Chief Change Officer
#129 Sihame El Kaouakibi: Rising from Rock Bottom to Achieve Peak Performance — Part Two
Tue, 31 Dec 2024
Part Two. Sihame El Kaouakibi is not our average guest. As our first speaker from Belgium, she’s a Moroccan immigrant who has faced and conquered burnout, bankruptcy, and countless challenges. A parliamentarian, diversity advocate, creator of Women Leaders OS, and leadership coach, she represents the epitome of transformation. What makes Sihame truly special is her mindset. She doesn’t just endure adversity—she embraces it, describing herself as “anti-fragile.” Her ability to transform hardships into strengths is something we can all learn from. Part One dropped yesterday, and get ready for Part Two today. Key Highlights of Our Interview: Burnt Out, Bankrupt, and Back in Business “I went from being burnt out, confused, overwhelmed, and even bankrupt to now being in the best shape of my life—physically, mentally, and professionally.” Validation Detox: Kicking the Need for External Approval “Without success, without my work, without external validation and recognition, I felt like nothing. I felt nobody.” Politics 101: When Ego Meets Reality “I made an ego-driven decision, and it was a messiah complex, believing I had everything—like potential and talents to drive change.” “I wasn’t aligned with my values and beliefs anymore. So my lesson is if you feel you have to give up on your principles, quit.” Thriving vs. Surviving: Why “You’re Not Stuck, You’re Just in the Wrong Pot” Applies to Your Career “The most liberating decision can be to move on and find your tribe, find your environment where you can thrive.” “Sometimes it’s better to accept the rejection than feeling stuck. Rejection can be redirection, and it’s sometimes better to just leave.” Operating System for Women Leaders: How to Handle Life’s Curveballs Without Crashing “My mission is to help 1 million women turn life challenges into life changes for the better. These women want to break through in their careers, but they want to do it without the burnouts.” “Women still lack internal beliefs and also support systems. So it starts really with women deciding that they are worthy and willing to change.” Success Isn’t Always Instagram-Pretty: The Ugly Side of the Hustle “There’s so much about glamorized success, but there is always another side. People you envy might be in deep pain, even if they are millionaires or have social status.” Connect with Us: Host: Vince Chan | Guest: Sihame El Kaouakibi ______________________ --Chief Change Officer-- Change Ambitiously. Outgrow Yourself. Open a World of Deep Human Intelligence for Growth Progressives, Visionary Underdogs, Transformation Gurus & Bold Hearts. 6+ Million All-Time Downloads. Reaching 80+ Countries Daily. Global Top 3% Podcast. Top 10 US Business. Top 1 US Careers. >>>100,000+ subscribers are outgrowing. Act Today.<<< --Chief Change Officer--Change Ambitiously. Outgrow Yourself.Open a World of Expansive Human Intelligencefor Transformation Gurus, Black Sheep,Unsung Visionaries & Bold Hearts.EdTech Leadership Awards 2025 Finalist.18 Million+ All-Time Downloads.80+ Countries Reached Daily.Global Top 1.5% Podcast.Top 10 US Business.Top 1 US Careers.>>>170,000+ are outgrowing. Act Today.<<<
Chapter 1: How did Sihame overcome burnout and bankruptcy?
Hi, everyone. Welcome to our show, Chief Change Officer. I'm Vince Chan, your ambitious human host. Our show is a modernist community for change progressives in organizational and human transformation from around the world. How do I even begin to introduce our first guest from Belgium who has Moroccan roots? Her name is Siham El-Kawakibi.
She is a Moroccan immigrant, a burnout and bankruptcy survivor, a parliamentarian, a champion of diversity and inclusion. She is also the creator of Women Leaders OS and a Women's Leadership Coach. She is all these and more. Beyond these identities, what truly impresses me are the experiences that have shaped these transformations. Some people thrive in politics. others in stability.
Siham thrives in adversity. She describes herself as more than resilient. She is anti-fragile. I see her as someone who has learned over time to turn adversity into an advantage. is not an inborn talent. Rather, it's something nurtured and developed. How? Let's find out. Politics, whether in government or the office, is something that some people are really good at navigating.
Chapter 2: What does it mean to be anti-fragile?
Some people thrive in it and even seek out more of it. It sounds like you saw Parliament as a stage to make a positive impact on the communities you care about. Your intentions were noble, but the environment made things worse. Not only were you unable to create the impact you wanted, but you also faced various attacks and toxic behavior. The same goes for office environments.
Many corporate workers might be incredibly smart and capable, but they struggle to climb the corporate ladder because they either don't play politics, don't play it well, or aren't willing to play it at all. I've been in a corporate world, and I've seen and experienced my share of political maneuvering. I've had my own struggles with mental health due to corporate politics.
That's part of why I decided to become an entrepreneur, a free agent, rather than being bound or controlled by that environment. For many people, whether they are considering a job change, a career shift, or even trying to change the world as an entrepreneur, one key takeaway is to choose your environment and culture carefully. In certain cultures and environments, you can thrive and excel.
In others, you might struggle. It doesn't mean you are not smart or that your intentions are not good enough. Often it's the environment and the culture that holds you back, preventing you from achieving what you want to achieve. That's been my experience.
Chapter 3: How can women find their tribe in a toxic work environment?
Beautiful. Yeah, I can relate. I can relate. The environment is everything. If you feel you're surviving instead of thriving, you need to quit. You need to leave. Because a lot of women that I guide now, some of them really start, they're really these beautiful, amazing women, high positions.
And they're still sometimes like in this environment with these political games, toxic leadership, and they stay. I'm like, okay, what's the plan? And the strange thing is that they cling, they're just holding this situation, holding... It's holding them back. They're just stuck. And sometimes it's better to accept the rejection than feeling stuck, I think.
So if the environment, the toxic environment feels like a rejection, maybe it's better. Rejection can be redirection and it's sometimes better to just leave. And I think the most liberating decision can be to move on. And like you said, you need to find your tribe, you need to find your environment so you can thrive. But it's confronting, right? Being rejected. Why is someone toxic?
It's like, for example, for women. Of course, more and more women go into leadership positions. They're needed, okay? And feminine leadership is actually based on empathy, emotional intelligence, also inclusivity. And I know that, and I was one of them, that... It's no longer true that women need to like mimic masculine or male leaders. No.
I think we should embrace our strength, lead with our authentic selves. And I think we can relate. I don't know if you experienced, but I've experienced so many times called being irritated or too emotional after just being me in stating my points in a meeting with a lot of fashion. Yeah. But it does affect you as a woman, as a person, as a human.
You lose your genuine, vulnerable self because of it. And so I think when the moment you have to choose and you have to... Be someone that you're not. Yeah, you lose your authenticity. And that's so important in a leading position that you actually not only leading position for everyone to be able to lean into your authenticity. And that's not possible in a toxic work environment.
I know you have your own consulting and coaching practice. You've developed what you call the Women Leaders OS, which stands for Operating System. Can you tell us more about how this approach works? I know it is not a digital system like iOS, the Apple system, but I'm curious to learn more about how this operating system you've designed benefits your target audience, women leaders.
Yeah, Women Leaders, Help Forming Women. The reason I created Women Leaders OS was exactly what I needed at many points in my life. Like I already shared, going from doing very well to hitting rock bottom, it just leads you to a healing journey that guides you back to your true self. And you just realize that the path I realized that the path I was on was nothing like what I used to love.
It was actually far from what I believed in. And I just cared too much about achieving things and what others thought of me. and leading you as a high-performing women juggling multiple responsibilities well you do feel overwhelmed and you start questioning your path and when i was doing this i started several programs investing my time in studies etc therapy coaching and i realized i was
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Chapter 4: What is the Women Leaders OS and how does it help women?
So this is a 90-day coaching program, one-on-one, not just about career advancement, but like I said, about redefining success, reframing their challenges, And helping them doing it because helping them, redefining for them what it means to be at our best again. What are your coping mechanisms? How can we change them?
And just aligning professional aspirations with this personal fulfillment is so important. And these are beautiful journeys. But what I love most is actually the community. It's not the program itself one-on-one.
It's building a community of all these amazing women that just are supportive for each other, that they can learn, grow, ground, pivot, redefine, achieve, whatever in life and career together. And just knowing that there is like this community with a sense of belonging, that even in this high-performing world where outside world thinks everything's fine and you're perfect, you're successful,
What are your challenges? These people also have lives, they have relationships, a family. And we all know we all have issues. We all have, whether it's with health, whether it's with family, whether you want to repurpose and redirect and you don't know how, because you were always on this high speed train, never slowing down, never seeing change.
Your true self actually, uncovering parts of yourself as a woman in your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, doesn't matter. It's all different phases of life. And taking time to slow down and having people that can relate is so important. And so why I call it an operator healing system is because it's my inspiration and I'm building it actually.
that I can, actually I'm digitizing all the tools I use from life rule assessments, decision matrix, the Ikigai, of course, career path roadmaps, all these things, blueprints, happy trackers. I'm digitizing this so it can become real tangible tools A toolkit actually that women can use whenever they want, wherever they want, and still can lean into the support of a community.
So in that way, it can be financially accessible, low ticket. And those who still want one-on-one coaching, just they can jump on a call with me and then we can see if there is a match. That's what I do today. But actually, I love these free clarity calls I do every day. I have three spots every day limited for women who really need some clarity, feeling overwhelmed.
And sometimes 15, 30 minutes is enough. And others need more. Okay, I'm there. Some just need a community. Some need one-on-one coaching. It's not a one-size-fits-all, but I love the journey. It's learning by doing as well. It's not perfect. And that's great. Done is better than perfect. The learning is in the doing for me. And that's what I practice.
And that's what I share with all these amazing women.
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Chapter 5: What unique challenges do women leaders face in Belgium?
Are there particular difficulties or unique cultural aspects in Belgium or your part of Europe that may differ from those in the US or Asia? I'd love to hear about your observations and experiences.
because my program is online and I actually focus on the world. So most of the women actually indeed come from the US, Canada, even India. One from Singapore indeed. It's the MENA region, Middle East, North Africa. It's actually beautiful to see how actually the cultural context, the face, the layers are universal, really.
When we talk about feminine energy, masculine energy, male, women, it's whatever. All these layers, it's really universal. And so when we talk about women, feminine context when we talk about what a woman or women experience in leadership positions. That's actually what I can really draw today from all these different women all around the world I talk with every day. And so the cultural sense
it's really not depending on like local context it's I think it's more cultural it's about cultural challenges women face but there are again universities it's about sexism it's about racism it's about societal expectations and these different layers you need to provide tailored guidance and support so I have women who say look the last 10 years I had coaching but they were all male coaches life coaches business coaches but they don't seem to
grasped at deeper layers that women face they just i've just hit like the boundary i cannot dig deeper with this coach so actually i need a woman that can whom i can relate and i think that's logic it's like going to therapy if you go to couple therapy for example relationship relationships. I know here in Belgium, for example, we have a lot more and more intercultural couples.
So couples that, you know, with different ethical backgrounds, etc. And it brings certain, again, other complexity with it. So the therapists here, most of them are native Belgians. So they are mostly white. And after two or three sessions, these couples face difficulties because they cannot dig deeper. The therapist cannot relate
with the world, with the cultural, with the implicit language that just is part of the intercultural world. And so that's why I love the fact that we are with so many different kind of coaches, that there is diversity. And that's why I chose the niche of women. Of course, I can coach men. There are also men who are jumping on calls with me and want to work with me. And yes, please, let's go.
But I just know that's why I chose this high-performing woman. I am, I was, and I am a high-performing woman. And just feel I can relate more to different layers. When we talk about relationships, when we talk about your position as a daughter, as a sister, as a friend, as a lover, as whatever.
the first female board member as the first female whatever, we are confronted always with the same judgments, with the same difficulties, complexities. And that's so nice that you don't need to put all your energy in explaining all these things. And someone can just relate and you can just put in the work together. That's what you want. You want to put in the work.
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Chapter 6: How does cultural context affect women's leadership experiences?
to live with difficulties and to accept actually the different the curveballs and the challenges that that life throws at you and so i think it's more that it's more like really coupled with cultural yeah culture and gender or maybe for others religion and sexual orientation i think these are all these different layers so that's why the supportive community
with all these different kind of women is so important because there they can really share experiences, gain insights, support each other. It helps combat isolation and it really brings a sense of belonging that mostly something they miss in even very in their inner circle with friends or maybe at home even. So that's why it's great to have that kind of sense of belonging and find it somewhere.
But it's not linked to a country or something because also for me, I was born here, but I'm Moroccan. But in Morocco, I'm Belgian. So in the world, I'm just Sihem, Moroccan Belgian woman that today has Women Leaders OS and is an impact consultant. And I thrive in actually...
These situations where we have challenges and people want impact and we can just work together, collaborate and inspire common goals and do things together. That's, I think, not country or geography, but really like just the environment, like you said. It's more hybrid. And I love that. I love that.
So basically, you're saying that while you work with women from different parts of the world, you've found that many of the challenges they face are universal. Yes, there may be local cultural elements or influences.
But many of these issues across cultural, for example, being judged, whether it's for being married, having children, not having children, being LGBTQ, having long hair, short hair, these judgments aren't limited to women in Belgium, New York, San Francisco, or Hong Kong. They're simply issues that women everywhere face.
You are helping women from different corners of the world navigate these universal challenges.
Actually, what I deal with is life challenges. Like I have hit rock bottom and I had to uncover challenges. my values, my beliefs. I had to accept the situation I was in, that I couldn't go back. So it's really about life.
It can be medical, it can be health, it can be divorce, it can be grief, it can be indeed problems with your child, it can be problems just with yourself, just lack of self-belief, lack of confidence because all this cross-cultural context did to you and how you cope with it. And maybe it's coping mechanism in the wrong way, maybe it's burning you out, etc.
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Chapter 7: Why is community important for high-performing women?
And the cultural context, the cross-cultural context is a surplus. The fact that We also, all these different layers, experience all these different layers. That's why I can be a better match for someone or the person I can coach, high-performing woman, can be a better match for me. We just, we can relate.
I'm curious, what's the persona of the woman leaders you tend to work with? Or those you are most drawn to helping? The reason I raised this question is because honestly, in my view, when mainstream people talk about women in leadership, it still feels a bit generic, especially before COVID.
I noticed that mainstream media tended to showcase a certain type of woman leader, someone who might fit into a traditional mode. such as happily married with two or three children, long hair, maybe blonde, maybe blue eye. Essentially, the ideal wife role model in the eyes of men. This image doesn't differ much from the so-called woman's role models of the past.
But we know that in reality, there's so much diversity in the world of women leaders. Now that we're in 2024 moving into 2025, the world is changing rapidly. So back to my original question, what types of women leaders do you like to work with or would you like to work with more? I believe even within the world of women leaders, we need more diversity.
Like the persona I work with or I love to work with are these women are amazing. Okay, already. They don't need someone to grow or help nurture some kind of talent or something because they are talented and they already achieve so many things. But sometimes you go through moments of self-doubt, fear of failure. even success and still lack motivation. Okay.
And when you're high performing in a golden cage, you just want to stick to your comfort zone. And it's these women that I love to work with, help them recognize this challenge as a first step to overcome and overcome these challenges and moving forward with this, getting back this confidence and self-belief and determination and letting them know that like these challenges
They are totally concurrable, okay? Maybe you don't see it for the moment because you were always high-performing, successful, and something happened to you, and you're now confused and overwhelmed. It's about gaining that clarity and direction again, about repurposing. And I think with some tools, solid guidance, a great support system, with Luminators OS...
that can really help women to navigate from the place where they are to who they are becoming. So you need to learn or you need to try to avoid burnout. You need to learn how to release stress. You need to learn how to relieve pressure. You need to learn how to relieve guilt. When not working, for example, okay? Start enjoying these little playful moments in life.
And then, when we have this, when we have this personal part of life and relationships, etc. I love to work with this moment to, of course, a successful career. And it can be a new job, a new title book. Mostly, I love to work with founders because I'm an entrepreneur myself and I know what it is to take a project from zero to 100. And so I just love to work.
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Chapter 8: What does Sihame believe is essential for women to thrive?
I cannot drive here. This is too much bureaucracy. And I'm more an entrepreneur. I was always a VC, et cetera. And now she contacted me and she asked, okay, can you help navigate actually the closure of this chapter so I can, I don't burn up bridges. I can, no, just... live in a friendly manner and I don't know how to communicate. My culture is different. So can you help me there?
Because with my private political experience, I can. That's one thing. And on the other hand, I have time. I have some savings. I can take six months to build my new business, but I don't know what it will be. Can you help me? I love to do that.
I love to help someone who is confused or who is like a little bit new direction, help them in the present situation and start crafting their future together. That's for me, that's those are... Great journeys because I also learn a lot and we do it together. And it's really, yeah, it's really personal.
And it's so, I'm so grateful that these people jump on a call with me and can relate with me and just trust me to, yeah, to go on this journey with them. Because it's quite important, right? The next 10, 15 years of your life is always important. The next runway.
Yes, you mentioned the word trust. In the last few interviews with different guests, whether they were coaches, tech innovators, or someone in recruitment, trust has come up as a key theme. As we enter the AI era, where we'll see more and more applications of AI in our daily lives, the importance of humanity with trust as a major component remains crucial.
Trust is hard to build, hard to find, and once broken, difficult to repair. For you, as a coach and consultant, trust is a key success factor in pursuing and accelerating your agenda to make an impact on women leaders.
To wrap up our interview, I'd like to ask you to share genuine advice with our listeners, whether they're young women in their 20s or more experienced women in their 40s, 50s, or 60s. You work with women from various backgrounds. So what are your top three pieces of advice for women facing life challenges, feeling lost, or struggling to find direction?
Perhaps they might eventually reach out to you for consulting sessions or seek help from a therapist or psychologist. How can they begin to feel more relaxed and take the first steps towards getting unstuck?
When you're feeling lost, mostly lost something, okay? And the moment you lose almost everything, everything you cared about, you have to believe that you will overcome this loss. We all did. And if you're back in shape, you just realize that nothing in life can happen that you cannot overcome. And maybe even you actually don't overcome it. You work through it and live differently.
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