I sit down with comedian Matteo Lane. We talk about being bilingual, vocal ranges, fluffing, cooking, and much more! Check out his special “The Al Dente Special” on Hulu on May 16th Order his book “Your Pasta Sucks: A "Cookbook": https://amzn.to/42eHidi My new special “Lucky” is streaming now on Netflix! Follow Matteo YT: https://www.youtube.com/@matteolanecomedy IG: https://www.instagram.com/matteolane --------------------------------------------------- Sponsors: Bluechew - Try your first month of BlueChew FREE when you use promo code BERTCAST at https://bluechew.com-- just pay $5 shipping. Robinhood - To receive your 3% boost on annual IRA contributions, sign up at https://robinhood.com/gold --------------------------------------------------- SUBSCRIBE so you never miss a video https://bit.ly/3DC1ICg For all TOUR DATES: http://www.bertbertbert.com For Fully Loaded: https://fullyloadedfestival.com For Merch: https://store.bertbertbert.com YouTube▶ http://www.YouTube.com/user/Akreischer X▶ http://www.Twitter.com/bertkreischer Facebook▶ http://www.Facebook.com/BertKreischer Instagram▶ http://www.Instagram.com/bertkreischer TikTok▶ http://www.TikTok.com/@bertkreischer Text Me▶ https://my.community.com/bertkreischer Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Chapter 1: What is Bert's new Netflix special about?
my new special lucky is streaming right now on netflix check it out white women it is enough you're not even married to one no i mean i'm exhausted you have no idea how exhausting they get oh Can I tell you, I just came to the realization, I'm not a fucking journalist.
Like, I'm not, I'm like, I'm the worst interviewer in the world because the things I'm interested, like you say, today I sat down in the sauna with my wife and I wrote down all the questions I wanted to ask about, of you. Like, there's certain times where I want to text you, hey, have you heard of this guy or whatever?
And, and then my daughter, my daughter, Georgia, I was running through the questions. She goes, hey, daddy's more than a gay man. Oh yeah. So like, don't just sit here and ask him every gay question you have.
I know. Sometimes, well, you know, it's a catch 22, right? Cause it's like, there's, I'm happy to, I'm happy to talk about that. I also talk about that, but then sometimes it's like you do interviews and it's like an hour of it. And like, no, I get it. Like, it's a good, it's a good moment to like, if someone has questions, like I'm happy to answer. Sure. But then also to like, I also write jokes.
Oh, well, I honestly, after watching this, I hadn't watched a special before I did my pre-interview. And then I watched a special and I was like, oh, he travels a lot.
Yeah.
And you speak so many different languages, and your accents are so good. Oh, thanks. Well, it depends on who you're talking to.
For real? Spanish people think I sound like Mario and Luigi because my accent's so Italian. The French never respond back to French. And I could speak the best French I possibly could, and they always answer back in English. One time, after my show in Paris, this woman was talking. I thought she was Sicilian, and we were speaking French.
And like 15 minutes in the conversation, she's like, Mais vraiment? And I was like, why is she so nice to me? And then I found out she was from Morocco. I was like, well, that's why she's nice. She's not from Paris. And then Germany, forget it. They're just so like, I was like, my friend Francesco Di Carlo always opens for me when we would do, when I do Europe tours.
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Chapter 2: How does Matteo manage being bilingual?
Damn. They were friends with my Aunt Kathleen and my Aunt Frances. Are you Irish? Yeah. Yeah. I was Catholic. And so...
and they were just they were always around our house timmy and tommy and but when i went to new york a sigma kai from florida state was at a bar and i ran into him and i was like hey what's up we started talking he was like nothing and then i was like hey you want to we go back to my place to do coke and he was like great so we went back because everything's closed i've never done coke i'd be so afraid to do it for real
Yeah, it would be... I'm so fear-based, but... Then don't ever do it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so stupid.
It's the casualness. You're like, we want to go back to Coke.
I'm like, hurt! You'd be shocked how many people I did that with. And so... And then he was like, you know, is this going to happen or something? And I was like, wait, what? Work. And he was like, oh, I thought you were gay. I said, no. Wait, I go, you're gay? He was like, yeah. And then we had this great conversation about his being in the closet in college. What year is this? 90, probably 97.
Okay. And then my roommate, Ty, came home and thought completely I was hooking up with this dude. Yeah. I didn't realize, like I'm a little oblivious. Yeah. But yeah, I was still hung out with the guy and it was like, I would get stories from him.
Yeah.
And it was all gay stories. Gay stories coming out in like the 90s and moving to New York stories are wild stories. It's just like a shorter version of Rent. What? With no aneurysm. You never came out, right?
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Chapter 3: What funny language mishaps has Matteo experienced?
I don't want you to die. When you think about dying and you're like, what if the last thing you do is throw up right before you die? Well, you'd look good in the casket.
That deserved a bigger laugh from back there. No, it's fine. I'm not that funny. But what's the worst way? What would be the worst way for you to die? What a horrible, morbid question. But now that we're talking about it. In a bed with my family surrounding me. Oh, okay. Well, you took it to a place that just did... This is so not fun. I was saying like being drowned or eaten by a shark.
Eaten by a shark, I'll take. Okay, yeah.
That'd be horrible. No, no, no. I wouldn't mind a surge of adrenaline right before I died. I wouldn't mind rescuing, jumping into the ocean to rescue someone to die. What I don't want to do dying is be in a bed in hospice and have seven days of goodbye conversations. You're so not Italian.
Italians love it. For real? Yeah. I'm going. Come close. Listen to me. This is something I want to give you. You know, it's very dramatic. Yeah, the Irish. You guys don't like dealing with feelings. And my dad's Irish, but I have nothing in common with my mom's family completely abducted me. Your dad's Irish-Mexican? No, my mom's Mexican-Italian. And your dad's Irish-American.
But they're not like, oh, to teach it hard. They're just like six generations in. Meanwhile, my mom's family is like, Which one's better? My mom's family. I mean, I love my dad's family, but I don't know them. I grew up literally next to all my cousins. We're all the same age. And it was just like a constant. If I didn't like what my mom was making, I went to my aunt Cindy's house to eat.
It was that kind of childhood. Very Italo-Mericano. Like super, super, super Italian. And it's so funny because as an adult, I also look Italian and I don't look Irish at all.
You look Italian.
Yeah. I have the Italian lazy eye. I have everything. I just took all my mom's genes.
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Chapter 4: What is a 'meat print' and why does it matter?
I get work done all day. And today, I went and did Access Hollywood. And they had a huge... Capari Spritz made for me. And they were trying Capari Spritz for the first time. So I had a couple sips and then the second I felt it, I was like, alright, I'm going to have a drink later today. But no, I try to stay healthy. I get IVs twice a week and I work out hard. I get all my work done.
I'm getting shit done. But I do big stretches of not drinking. But for the most part... Give your body a break.
I somehow drinking has left my life. Like when I was in my early twenties and I was living in Chicago, like I would, you know, go out on the weekends and we would drink, but you're also in your twenties and it's just experiencing something new. But then once I started doing standup, I just, I had somehow just kind of left every blue moon. I'll have like a margarita, but then I don't know.
I, I've gotten to this point now where I'm like, I drink and I immediately want to go to bed. Oh, I'm like, I just want to go to bed. So then I'm like, oh, I don't really think it's as... Like, my only advice right now is I bought a vape for this week. I'll probably stop next week.
Oh, see, if I started vaping, I'd stay vaping. If I start smoking weed, I'll be smoking weed every day. I don't like either. It makes me... I love weed.
I feel too disassociated. I know I'm so boring. I've never done... I've done Molly once, and I didn't feel, like, euphoric. I wasn't like, ah, fail it. Like, you know, I just was kind of, like, grinding my teeth. So I don't know that I loved that either. I don't know that I'm a big, like... um, party. I'm not a party, but I don't go to parties and stuff. I'm kind of a homebody.
Like I tour and then I come home and I don't know.
I'm routine. What was the cool thing when I saw you, when I saw you on the road? Cause I was always a fan of yours. Uh, but I was a fan of yours cause I liked the way, like I'll give you an example. I love Brian Simpson. I'm not saying I love Brian Simpson. I'll just say that. I love Brian Simpson's standup. I love Brian Simpson. Like his brain, the way his brain thinks.
It's just, he's just so, I mean, he's a little bit better than all of us. Of course. You know, and it's not, I'm not talking about promo game or fucking Instagram shit or Twitter shit or on a podcast. But I'm saying when you sit and talk to Brian Simpson, you're talking to a guy who's been thinking all day and chooses his words wisely. Yeah. And he's a fun guy to be around. Yeah.
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