2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Who Killed JonBenét Ramsey? w/ Sam Morril | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Mon, 09 Dec 2024
Get tickets for Tom’s Come Together Tour at https://tomsegura.com/tour Sam Morril joins Tom Segura for this week’s episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave! They discuss the benefits of night flights, mile high bullies, the New York City experience, the JonBenét Ramsey case, the disappointing Aaron Rodgers-Jets run, LeBron James' longevity, admiring bodies, the Vince McMahon scandals, political jokes, unique smut fetishes, trying new things on stage, and so much more! 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 266 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Chapter 1: What are the benefits of night flights?
Yeah. Late flight last night. Streamed the Knicks on the flight. Big dub. God, you're a hardcore fan. I'm a fan, dude. I love it. I like a night flight.
I'll take a night... Yeah. It's kind of nice. Yeah, I'll chill on a night flight. Yeah. And I like when they turn the cabin lights off. And you don't have to deal with the asshole who leaves the shade open, like, during the day, which I always hate and loathe.
I hate that. I've been flying... This is, like, my first flight in forever that wasn't delayed.
Yeah.
And it was still delayed, like, 20 minutes, but that's, like, I... No, that's a win, though. We had a fucking incident coming back from... I did Miami Improv a couple months ago with my buddy Gary Veeder, and we just... It's like a five hour delay. I'm the idiot who booked Miami during hurricane season. So I deserved it.
But with like a five hour delay, two hours, we circle for two hours in the air. And there was this drunk lady on the flight, just like screaming to her friend. Everyone like hated her. I was like, I hate this person, whatever. It's one of those flights. And then they're like, hey, we're not landing. We're out of fuel. So we're landing Dulles, Virginia.
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Chapter 2: What happened on the flight delay?
So we're just like, ah, it's been like a seven hour day. So we're like pissed. And then we're on the runway and she's just like on the phone, drunk and shit. Everyone hates her. And Gary and I just look at each other like, what do we, do we just drive back? Like, this is crazy. And I could, I was like, all right, fuck, let's drive back. So we get off the flight. And as I got off the flight,
I loudly said to her, you know, it's very rude to talk that loudly on the phone. And she was like, I'm so sorry. And everyone like gave me like a thumbs up because I was like, I'm leaving anyway. I may as well take one for the team.
You did, dude.
I took one for the team. Do you feel a little rise of panic as you're about to say it?
Yeah. Yeah.
I don't like confrontation, but I was like, I got it. I feel like I have to do something.
Yeah, there's a thrill to that. This is not at all the same thing, but I remember one time I did a yoga class with Bert, and we were in the class, and the guy teaching it was like a hard-nosed guy, like a really tough dude. He was more like a drill sergeant, which felt weird for yoga. Yeah, it's not the energy you want. It's not the energy you want.
And then he starts telling a story about his son, him and his son somewhere. And it just, it builds to nothing. Like it literally, he was like, and then, you know, we went and there was nobody there. All right. And switch poses. And I, it was just dead silent. And there's like 30 people in class. And I just felt this like, kind of, you know, this like momentum building inside you.
And I'm just laying in this position. I go, Hey man. And he's like, excuse me. I go, Hey, uh, is that story over? Uh, And he's like, what? I go, is the story over? He's like, yeah. I go, oh. It didn't really feel like it had an ending. Oh, my God. And he was like, okay. And I was like, yeah, we tell stories so I can help you with that. And he's like... Okay, just switch into the next. Wow.
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Chapter 3: What details are revealed about the JonBenét Ramsey case?
He was in the power position. He tossed me. It's so crazy. So did they physically escort you out? They intimidated me. Yeah. Like the Nazis.
Yeah.
You're like, real good reputation I'm living here with.
I'm taking the story back. Yeah. That's fucking crazy. I'm going to journal about it. I'm going to sell it. Yeah. No, it's pretty rough. Yeah. I don't know. Disrespect also... that's when if somebody disrespects you in public, like, yeah, I was in front of my girlfriend too.
What do you want me to do? Just take it, man. Come on. She was laughing. I was like, all right, I'll, I'll, you know, it helps to have somebody with you. It's hard to do with that in audience. Cause then you're just like, you're like, I got embarrassed alone. Yeah. You know? Yeah, I'm trying to like... But he threw out other people, too, and they hated him, too. So I was like, all right.
He wouldn't let people wait in the lobby? I know, dude. It was like... It was way in the... It was crazy. Because it feels like if the superiors, like the people that run that place, would have been like, what are you doing to people?
And they're never... By the way, this is our reputation around the world. They're never surprised that the rude person isn't American. Yeah. They're like, of course, you know? But... And the New York accent doesn't help me. It's like...
they know yeah i think i would have been furious too though dude yeah yeah i want to do in a museum though that's like a dignified i know i know i've lost my shit at some people at the museum i don't think at the museum i'm actually trying to block out the rage that i've encountered it's kind of fun to revisit some of this you know we did this recently and i was like oh fuck
It's just... Because you realize how bad you feel when it's happening. Yeah. When you're that enraged by somebody. I did feel bad about it. One time I checked out of a hotel because I thought I was going to kill one of the servers there. I checked out immediately. Yeah. I sat down. He was young, kind of rude. And when he delivered my lunch... He dropped it. Oh, nice.
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Chapter 4: What are the implications of Aaron Rodgers' performance?
Well, if you're online all the time looking at stuff, there's just nothing but juiced up lunatics on there who are like, yeah, fucking broccoli and chicken. You're like, shut up. I know. That pisses me off. And then there's well-known celebrities who are juiced out of their minds. If you're in a Marvel movie, that shit ain't natural. Not at all. They may as well hand you the needle.
They're all geared up. There's a few, too, because sometimes there's guys who have, let's say, a naturally lean build. So you go, oh, that's possible. They're juiced up, dude. Even though I know a couple who I was like, oh, I guess this might be possible, and then I asked the person, and they were like, oh, no, he was on everything. They're all on it. Is that safe or no? Safe?
It's not safe, but it's probably, it's not as dangerous to do if you're like, I'm doing it for these three months, as opposed to like, I do this year round all the time. Because some of them will just do it for the filming, and then they're done, right? Yeah.
but what about like an rfk because whatever he's on ain't natural he's 70 and he looks like an avenger how is that that can't be good i don't know i don't know i don't know what he's on but he's going to be in charge of health now so maybe he'll get us on it too that cabinet's going to be fucking it's going to be interesting fun linda mcmahon i've always said she should play a role in education
Wrestling's made me so much more intelligent.
It does feel like a reality show when they pick people for gigs in the house. Like, you're going to be in charge of cooking. He's just like, I like this guy. You're in charge of the fucking defense.
That's all it is. Trump was in wrestling, so he's like, Linda was good. It's all loyalty, and she stood by Vince, so he's like, she's good. She's solid. And then, yeah, Matt Gaetz dipped so fucking quickly.
That was crazy. So fast. Yeah. That Vince sex story stuff was nuts.
In the doc, you mean?
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Chapter 5: How does fame affect public behavior?
Their body hurts. And they're doing... Some of them are doing, like, 300 days a year.
It's crazy. When I met The Undertaker, and we were talking about just the road and traveling, and I was saying, you know, at the time, I don't know, I think... Because this was, like, a little while ago. I was like, yeah, you know, something about the schedule where you have doubles, right? Like, two shows. Two shows on Thursday. Two shows on Friday. And how...
the cumulative effect, it really does start to break you down. There's something so welcoming when you run into a single show night, because you're like, something about those doubles wear you out. And he was like, yeah, when I started wrestling.
uh we were doing dub we would do doubles so we do the show twice and and so it's like you know i'm talking about sitting here talking with a mic and he's doing like fucking clotheslines and shit and he i was like that's insane and it was and it was the same way he's like two wednesday two thursday two friday and he goes like my first thing when i got like a little bit of juice in the business was i was like no no doubles like it was just one one show at night
Cause they probably didn't know how many tickets they could sell at that time. So they're like adding shows.
Yeah.
That's crazy. I mean, yeah.
To do that shit twice in the night.
I mean, Oh dude, it affects how I, you know, eat and stuff like, and I'm just standing there like low energy guys, low energy comics. This dude is seven feet and he's jumping off, jumping off.
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Chapter 6: What controversies surround Vince McMahon?
Holy shit. Which, by the way, I don't think I would want to have a threesome with Brock Lesnar. No way, dude. How highly do you think of yourself? You're like, I'm going to go in there with Brock Lesnar. And give this girl a show.
No, but wouldn't you be so mad as the other guy? You'd be like, no, no, no. I want you to shower, too. Because I can smell. It's in your hair. It's really gross. It's so gross. I don't care that that's my boss. Like, you don't just get to make. I don't want to sit here and get this blowjob with with her covered in your shit.
It's not cool. Not only that, it's like it's one thing for Linda to find out her husband's fucking around on her. It's another to find out he's fucking around with employees because now it's a lawsuit that she's a company. It's a company she's a part of. It's a third to find out poop is involved. Poop. This is like an onion with layers that keep on giving.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Yes. But is that... Wait, hold on, though. This might be a separate thing. That might be a separate thing, yeah. That might not be the... What's this one? Just that he forced her to create personalized sexual content for a superstar that he was trying to re-sign. So that... Because he involved multiple people in these sexual escapades. And in that one...
um let's see grant that he this is like old school like this is like old school showbiz shit this is like feels like mob shit it does feel like mob stuff yeah this feels like 1940s like uh bugsy siegel mickey cone type depravity uh
It says that maybe Brock wanted her to send a video of herself urinating, which is cool. Like, man, defecate on her threesome. It doesn't say. Oh, my God. Yeah, it doesn't say who that person was there. It's cool if Brock's into piss, though. That's kind of a cool detail to learn. It's interesting.
You never know. You never know what people are into. Piss video? Is he into piss, or is Vince just like, you should get into this? Like, he's an older guy. Like, you'll get into it. It's cool. Oh, you're not into that yet? Let me have my friend send you a video.
There's a girl on Instagram who is like, her whole, I don't know how she doesn't get shut down. It's all like power pissing stuff. And she sits there and just angles her camera in such a way where you can't see her private parts, but piss just everywhere. I've heard of this. And it's got like, who is this?
I've heard of this. Yes, the Wall Street Journal did a nice piece on that. She was on 60 Minutes. Dude, I know what you mean. It is crazy. Because porn is essentially, even with your starting point, porn is things you should not do. It's like fucking your friend's mom. It's all kind of wrong, right? And then you keep escalating to the point that you get to shit.
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