Vanessa B. Bonds

We do tend to overestimate how negatively we'll be seen if we say no.

I think part of that is because we're so focused on this one moment.

This is super salient.

We pay attention to the thing that's right in front of our face, the super tangible thing, and we're like, oh, this is the only way people are going to know me in this moment.

But in fact, people have a much longer term impression of us.

They've seen all the times we have helped, and this is just one out of many instances.

Totally.

It's like those email signatures that say, like, I don't check email during these hours.

It's like not only protecting your time, it's teaching people a norm.

Like maybe we all shouldn't check email at those hours.

Yeah.

You know, it's funny about that, too.

You know, speaking as someone who asked you for a book endorsement, my assumption going in is like this person's going to say no.

And so, you know, you knowing that as the person being asked that that person doesn't necessarily expect a yes.

Right.

If they do, that's kind of entitled.

And I feel like that's a different category of person.

So like most people are not expecting a yes.

So a polite, warm, thoughtful no is like a win for a lot of people.

Right.