Kim Scott

deny attack i denied oh i didn't do anything wrong i attacked the person who gave me this feedback and then i pretended like i was the victim reverse victim and offender that's darvo don't darvo and and sometimes having a word for a bad response can help us avoid that response which is why i think darvo is such a brilliant term that jennifer fried coined in fact if you want to learn more about it you can google darvo south park did a whole episode

deny attack i denied oh i didn't do anything wrong i attacked the person who gave me this feedback and then i pretended like i was the victim reverse victim and offender that's darvo don't darvo and and sometimes having a word for a bad response can help us avoid that response which is why i think darvo is such a brilliant term that jennifer fried coined in fact if you want to learn more about it you can google darvo south park did a whole episode

So instead of DARBOing, what I recommend is, don't say this out loud because it sounds disrespectful, but say in your head, and what does ACK mean? be aware of what you did wrong. Like, ignorance is no excuse. I wasn't aware is not an excuse. Accept the consequences of what you did wrong.

So instead of DARBOing, what I recommend is, don't say this out loud because it sounds disrespectful, but say in your head, and what does ACK mean? be aware of what you did wrong. Like, ignorance is no excuse. I wasn't aware is not an excuse. Accept the consequences of what you did wrong.

So instead of DARBOing, what I recommend is, don't say this out loud because it sounds disrespectful, but say in your head, and what does ACK mean? be aware of what you did wrong. Like, ignorance is no excuse. I wasn't aware is not an excuse. Accept the consequences of what you did wrong.

Very often, the reason why we don't do the next thing we should do, which is to acknowledge publicly what we did wrong, is that we're afraid of a lawsuit or something like that. Accept the consequences. You made a mistake, you may have to pay for that mistake. So acknowledge what you did wrong. Maybe go beyond what the consequences require and actually make amends.

Very often, the reason why we don't do the next thing we should do, which is to acknowledge publicly what we did wrong, is that we're afraid of a lawsuit or something like that. Accept the consequences. You made a mistake, you may have to pay for that mistake. So acknowledge what you did wrong. Maybe go beyond what the consequences require and actually make amends.

Very often, the reason why we don't do the next thing we should do, which is to acknowledge publicly what we did wrong, is that we're afraid of a lawsuit or something like that. Accept the consequences. You made a mistake, you may have to pay for that mistake. So acknowledge what you did wrong. Maybe go beyond what the consequences require and actually make amends.

And only after you do those four A's does your apology have any meaning. So then apologize. And last but not least, the C in ACT stands for change. We all have people in our lives who make the same mistake over and apologize over, and then the apology just becomes an irritant. So those are some quick thoughts. There's obviously a ton more to it.

And only after you do those four A's does your apology have any meaning. So then apologize. And last but not least, the C in ACT stands for change. We all have people in our lives who make the same mistake over and apologize over, and then the apology just becomes an irritant. So those are some quick thoughts. There's obviously a ton more to it.

And only after you do those four A's does your apology have any meaning. So then apologize. And last but not least, the C in ACT stands for change. We all have people in our lives who make the same mistake over and apologize over, and then the apology just becomes an irritant. So those are some quick thoughts. There's obviously a ton more to it.

Yes, it's good.

Yes, it's good.

Yes, it's good.

Yeah. So I think as an upstander, the difference between, at least in my mind, the difference between being a bystander and an upstander is that an upstander intervenes in some way. So one way that one can intervene as a bystander, not a bystander, but an upstander, is to use an I statement in the meeting. I think... so-and-so just said that. I think that's a great idea.

Yeah. So I think as an upstander, the difference between, at least in my mind, the difference between being a bystander and an upstander is that an upstander intervenes in some way. So one way that one can intervene as a bystander, not a bystander, but an upstander, is to use an I statement in the meeting. I think... so-and-so just said that. I think that's a great idea.

Yeah. So I think as an upstander, the difference between, at least in my mind, the difference between being a bystander and an upstander is that an upstander intervenes in some way. So one way that one can intervene as a bystander, not a bystander, but an upstander, is to use an I statement in the meeting. I think... so-and-so just said that. I think that's a great idea.

And that's what so-and-so said a few minutes ago. Just point it out. Because again, an I statement, I think, an I statement holds up a mirror. You're assuming that the other person isn't intending to bully or dismiss this person. It's unconscious bias that is playing out. And so that's what an I-statement can do in the moment.

And that's what so-and-so said a few minutes ago. Just point it out. Because again, an I statement, I think, an I statement holds up a mirror. You're assuming that the other person isn't intending to bully or dismiss this person. It's unconscious bias that is playing out. And so that's what an I-statement can do in the moment.

And that's what so-and-so said a few minutes ago. Just point it out. Because again, an I statement, I think, an I statement holds up a mirror. You're assuming that the other person isn't intending to bully or dismiss this person. It's unconscious bias that is playing out. And so that's what an I-statement can do in the moment.